a twerp

Dear K

2016-05-18T22:27:00.001+08:00

Hi. It's been eight years already since we last saw each other. It's been seven years since I last talked to you. And it's been almost five years since the last time you tried communicating with me again. I've been counting, yes...Truth is, ever since I met you, I started counting.
It started when we first met. I counted to the days when will I meet you again. Then we started to be textmates. I counted the minutes when will you reply back to my messages. Then we became really close and I started to count the hours I could spend with you. And you never missed counting the months we've been together. And then we broke apart. You left and never came back. Although you did, but not for me.
Are you aware that there came a point in my life that I regretted counting all those things?
But I was still counting after regretting. This time, I was counting again the time until I will finally get over you. It took me too many numbers, too many days, months, and years. And then I missed counting one day. And the following days and weeks after. Until I forgot I was still counting the years left before I reach 18. I forgot that I was waiting for someone's promise. I eventually forgot about you.

Sometimes memories still haunt me. It wasn't painful in the past, but it hurts today. It's been eight long years already but I am still reaping the consequences of the mistakes I made.

I'm not writing to you to let you know that I am still thinking about you. I am done with that, long ago. And I am not even writing this letter to send it to you. I know you will never even know about this. This is just one of those nights that you sometimes slip in my mind because the present is reminding me of you. And I hate that it's happening to me again - too much counting, too much thinking. Counting the days of finally moving on. I just had to write something so vague that only the true recipient would understand it.

PS. I don't feel any kind of remorse anymore towards you. You are forgiven.

Always, Naj

Posted via Blogaway

LAMP: Light Bearers in Action Ministering to All People

2016-05-06T12:20:00.001+08:00

I shared this testimony last March 23, 2016 at Philippine International Church - AUP. I just want to share it here again. :)

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5 years ago, I was a transferee student here in Adventist University of the Philippines from Lyceum of the Philippines University-Cavite. I transferred here because of only 2 main reasons: First is because of Saturday classes and the 2nd one is because I failed my Calculus subject in LPU. Most of the transferee students can relate with me when I say that minor subjects in AUP are honestly really easier compared to other universities. If you think na pa-major ung mga minor subjects dito, I don't think I agree with you. We are so blessed with the Christian teachers that AUP has.

Anyway, this testimony is not about that.

So, I only have 2 reasons right? And during those times I was not even familiar with all these organizations in AUP. I don't have any idea or even a thought about joining small groups or choirs. So upon entering AUP, I was only focused on finishing accountancy, and that's it. But you know, the Lord has so many exciting plans for us. I was thinking and planning so limited and with so little opportunities. But God proved to me what He said to us in Jer 29:11. That He truly has plans not to harm us but to prosper us. He widened my narrow horizons.LAMP is not the first small group i joined. In fact, I only joined this group when I was already 3rd year college. I have tried joining Idream during my first year and then I joined Ministerial Association. Both of these organizations were a blessing to my spiritual and social life. I was a very introvert person before, I cannot stand in front of people without crying, it was so difficult for me to talk and befriend people before, you wouldn't even imagine that I can stand up here and share this testimony. But the Lord is so good. I know that some of you might be like I am before but if we will only surrender, what God can do is a life turner. You will truly be never the same person again.So, back to my story of joining small groups.. I started joining outreach activities with MA. Then when the Lord has taught me how to create friendships, that's when I started to meet LAMP. It was introduced to me by my classmates, the Abad twins, if you are familiar with them. It was so ironic actually. LAMP was then composed of just a really, really few number. I remember we were just 10 persons every small group meeting. Because of this small number of people, strong friendships were created through prayer. Here in this small group was also the time that I have learned how to do united prayer. Almost every week, we would gather and just pray. It was truly a blessing. The Lord knows our hearts very well. He knows how I badly need not only classmates but brothers and sisters in Christ with whom I can find encouragement and strength especially with my course. Like what Carla shared, nakakabaliw ang accountancy. But LAMP kept me sane, thankfully.Remember that I told I was only focused on finishing my degree here in AUP? Well, if you are like this kind of person, I am warning you. Beware. Because the Lord has unimaginable things prepared for you. If I would look back, it's difficult for me to see myself like I am now. But God is a Great Potter, Great Artist, a Great Planner, and Great Executor of plans. He has planned unimaginable things in my life and it has become possible through people, experiences, through this small group. LAMP was where I Iearned how to lead, how to pray for others. It was a tool, and still a tool that the Lord has been using for me to be aware of the great commission He has entrusted to us. Outreaches, Soul Hunting, Give-a-Bread Activity, AY programs, small group meetings - I cannot find the right words to express how joyous it is to be part of these ministries. I am so limited, my talents are limited, my horizons are so narrow. I belittle what I can do. And some of you might be thinking like this, too. But I tell you, just surrender, commit, and trust our Great Lord. He will put you to a place, to a group, where you will be a blessing and you will also really be blessed! Most of all, this is where I met my Saviour. I can only but praise Him, for using everything just for me to know Him.

Enouement

2016-05-03T12:37:00.000+08:00

Hello! You have now safely arrived to the 3^rd of May, 2016.

You have travelled for 854 days and I am aware of that bumpy ride.

How are things you have predicted in the past?

How many of them eventually happened in your journey to the present?

I heard that some of the adventures were a lot of fun.

I would love to hear your stories.

Like other travelers, I heard that you have also missed some of your expected destinations.

I am really sorry to hear about that.

We really cannot foretell what might happen along the way.

But I do hope the signs and signals were sufficient in helping you cross the roads.

Most of them also point you to the right directions.

But as I can see that you are in delay, maybe you have disregarded some of them.

That will surely make some difference.

But yes, of course, I do know you have learned something from that experience.

Were you satisfied with your travel?

Would you want to see a lot more in this journey?

Oh, you’ll think about it.

I see, I see. I do understand that you have lost valuable things and people.

Maybe you need some time to recover?

Yes, yes. Take all the time you need.

But please do remember, time doesn’t stop here.

Inspired by Love

2016-04-12T15:22:00.001+08:00

I discovered I like writing when I first wrote an essay about Love. I was in 6th grade back then but everything is still clear in my memory how I wrote that essay.
It was an assignment for English. If my memory is right, our topic that time was about adjective, verb and adverb; and our teacher asked us to write about a certain thing and describe it using those words. During elementary days, my most favorite subject was Math. Although I already like reading, but just thinking about writing a paragraph about something made me so lazy already. But I have always been a good student so I still had to finish the requirement.
That afternoon after school, I picked up my pencil and paper, placed them on my study table then sat down. And my mind was so empty. It was so blank that I can still remember that I was thinking of "thinking about nothing". Ever tried that? I always do whenever I hate what I am doing. (Yes, until now.)
After a few minutes, I realized I will not accomplish anything with that state of mind so I stood up, went to our pile of books and tried to find something interesting. Then a book caught my eye. The title was, "The Greatest of this is Love".
I opened the book, turned a few pages and alas! I found the adjectives, the verbs and the adverbs I was looking for!
Patient, kind, long-sufferring, not envy and so on and so forth.
It was so beautiful that I tried to read from the very beginning of the book up to the page where I found the words.
I brought the book together with my pencil, and my paper outside the house where we have a little terrace back then and I started writing. I have never been that kind of inspired in writing before. I was so excited that I even wrote in cursive letters.
Everything that I wrote there was inspired by that book.
It was inspired by Love.

------------------------------------------------------

It's been 4 months since the last time I posted something again here. I actually have 5 drafts but I never had the courage to publish them. They are all unfinished. I just dropped by, I missed this place.
But I am still writing. I am currently active in Tumblr. Here's a link to My Tumblr account (just in case you're interested.)

As I step into their their shoes.. But do they have shoes?

2015-12-04T14:30:00.000+08:00

As I climbed up the steps of the jeepney,
Different pairs of eyes once again gazed upon me.
I again heard whisperings - words of disgusts and hatred.
Some were even spoken out loud,
As if I am someone who has no heart.
But I am already blind, deaf, and numb.
Then I reached out again these worn-out envelopes.
Some I placed on their laps, others on top of their bags.
I am grateful when someone accepts it with their bare hands,
Despite knowing it's from someone whose hands have not been washed.
Others would shut their lids,
Trying so hard to ignore me.
Some would obviously exhibit gestures of contempt
Just to reject me outrightly.
But I am used to it.
I try not to look into their eyes, their judging and repelling stares,
As I speak my memorized sentences of pleading and begging.
Or as I sing my own composed songs of this bitter world.
Shame, pride, and dignity left me.
No, they didn't left me.
I left them. Somewhere, sometime ago.
Because at one point in my life,
I became needy.
I became hopeless and desperate.
And I still am.
More than coins, more than food, more than these alms..
I only long for that something that I really need.
Hurtful remarks, pitying looks, hands that wade me off...
They won't stop me from doing this.
Not until I will be given what I truthfully desire.
What are you willing to give?
What is it that I truly need?

Happy Birthday Mama!

2015-10-21T23:48:00.000+08:00

In her stern rebukes I’ve realized my mistakes,

Her instructions have been my wise counsels;

In her service I’ve found love no matter what it takes,

No one can be compared with a heaven-sent angel

She can never fake her laughs, so when she does,

You’ll always know it is true.

She might have strict looks but when she smiles,

She really is beautiful, that’s for sure.

She does her chores with a happy heart,

So when she cleans or cooks, it’s always the best

Everything is done in her own wonderful art:

In case the Heavenly Master should put her to test.

She is the strongest woman I know

For when the whole family is weak, she stands up for all.

But the secret is not her own,

I have found out that her strength is the Lord.

When she cries, I cannot help but be broken inside

Because I rarely see her weak and cry.

That’s when I realize she also has limitations

And this is her point when it’s only God who can answer her questions.

When friendships discourage me, I turn to her.

When I fail academically, I go to her.

When I am confused, I ask her.

When I need counsel, I listen to her.

When I have unending stories, she listens to me.

When I am sick, she cares for me.

When I achieved something, she is so proud of me.

When I do just even small things for her, she is so grateful to me.

She has just turned forty, and they said that life begins here,

But I believe that her life started when she met Jesus

And she has never been the same again.

I am just so thankful to the Lord for such a wonderful mother she has given me.

Her selfless love is a proof of the great love we receive from our Heavenly Father.

Happy Birthday Mama!

AUP 87.8 Student FM: LIFE Radio

2015-10-08T12:57:00.000+08:00

While writing this, I am also at the same time listening to our campus student radio. We have this segment in this radio, Dear Pastor where students can share their Bible questions or share their life stories and ask for advices. The pastors will be answering the questions through the Bible and the Spirit of Prophecy.
I am personally blessed with this program. Most especially with my situation now. The question for today's episode is, "Why is life so unfair?"
It's funny how I find this blog now my shock absorber. Every time I feel lonely and heartbroken, I go here and write. Maybe this is how I really find comfort, through writing.
And I also found comfort through the radio ministry. The pastor said, it's all about changing our perspective. We still live in a sinful world, but amidst all this, the Lord still blesses and lets the sun shine to us. He quoted a verse from a song which says, "There's a dark and troubled side life, but there is a sunny side too." He also shared the Bible verse found in Romans 12:2. "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will."
And the last words he quoted is, "In this world, it is not a life full of chances, it is a life of full of choices."

I am honestly confused now. I have made choices that caused not only my pain but also to another person. It is heartbreaking that every message I hear feels like directly addressed to me. Even with the episode today of our radio program, the simplest quotation can never be belittled to someone who is in a challenging situation like I am. It's truly comforting. Knowing that it is God's way of reaching out to me.

"He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds." -Psalms 147:3

On the Other Track

2015-09-23T22:59:00.000+08:00

He was at the track

But stopped when he found

That one was ahead

And the other left behind.

And so he said he'll give up

And just look for another track;

Where someone won't be too late

Nor too fast.

Random 105

2015-09-21T15:42:00.000+08:00

WARNING. This is just for the sake of an update. I am going to be so random that you wouldn't want to finish reading this post anymore.

I reread again my blog. That's what I usually do when I don't know what to write. And I have observed that I was really active in the year 2012. And you can notice that too because when you look at my blog archives (right side of the blog, scroll down a bit), year 2012 has the highest number of posts. I can remember that I was 2nd year college that time and averagely, that year was the peak of my being an introvert. I'd rather talk to my blog and to my diary than talk to a real person. But I was not like that all the time. And I'm so glad I am not like that anymore.

It's raining so hard as of the moment I am writing this.

So, I told myself the past years that I'd like to join the university newspaper editor staff. But until now, I just cannot because I am again afraid of applying. But I'm happy that I am part now of the campus radio ministry. I am a scriptwriter and a part-time DJ (although I don't want to). I do there what I like doing, so it's fun.

I am aware that Aldub and Pastillas Girl are the trend now in the media world. I don't think people will bash me just because I don't know anything about them.

I remember having a crush on someone and I cannot express it to any friends that I just had to write a poem about it. He was actually a classmate. Unfortunately, after a few months of finally admitting to myself that I like him, just then he had a girlfriend. I didn't know he was courting someone. I only heard rumors. After knowing about that, I don't like him anymore. The feelings were so fleeting as that. But no regrets in writing the poem. I find it funny reading it then trying to remember what was I feeling during that time. But nah, I can't remember anymore. :))
Read the poem here: http://not-really-an-arcane.blogspot.com/2012/12/secret-affection.html

The last 2 consecutive weeks were my ~~worst two weeks~~ so far for this semester. I think I cry almost every day and every night. I was so sensitive I don't even know why.

Uhhhmm. It's soon gonna be election time again and I'm still not sure who to vote. Any suggestions? And I still don't have my voter's ID. I'm 21 now, I think I need to be a more mature Filipino citizen, right? Oops. I don't know the people who are going to run for the positions.

I like this old blog entry of mine.
http://not-really-an-arcane.blogspot.com/2012/04/keepsake.html

There's someone I'd like to talk to but I just can't, for now.
*deep sigh*
Why do people make things so hard for themselves?

Because I was lying down while typing these things, I fell asleep. Haha.
Oh, by the way, Happy 250th post to this! :))

Palawan Mission Trip

2015-09-14T19:08:00.004+08:00

It's going to be two weeks before leaving for Cebu!
And I haven't shared a thing about Palawan yet.

So yeah, last July 26, 2015 we left for Palawan. Not for adventures, sightseeing, nor vacation. But for mission trip.

I usually blog at my most inconvenient time. Like right ~~now~~. So I cannot share YET our experiences and some of our pictures. But I will be sharing this video I made.

I'll be back as soon as I can. Hoping! ;)

Enjoy the video! :)

How Christianity makes my PMS a life-changing experience

2015-09-01T06:32:00.000+08:00

I feel so inferior.
Is this because of PMS?
Yes, I think so.
I hate how girls' moods are so unpredictable.
Just last Saturday night, my family and I were having so much fun while having dinner and catching up with each other's studies and other stuffs. Then my brother, who is a teaser, said some joke to me and I was just suddenly teary-eyed then I began to cry. I just couldn't stop the tears flowing in my cheeks.

I was told that there are two reasons why people cry. ( I'm not sure if I shared this already here) First is when you pity other people, or things or whatever it is. Second is, when you pity yourself.

I admit, I am a crybaby.
But not much lately.
I can control it now better than the past few years of my adolescent life.
Anyway, I cried because I feel soooo inferior just because of that one lame joke about my failure.
Maybe this is inferiority complex.
Or just plain PMS---
The most emotional stage in a woman's cycle.
But of course, there is something beneath this stage. Some reason or explanation.
I feel so inferior because I think that way.
Ever since my first major failure, which happened last year, I always feel like a failure. Although I always remind myself of a quote that I've read that,
Failure is not a person, it's an event.
But this failure was followed by two more consecutive failures which made me feel much worse. That I do not just feel that I am a failure with the career I am taking but also I was a disappointment to my family. It affected everything. Most of the people I know doesn't notice, because I don't show it. And only those people who have known me long enough can tell I am different.

My friends now know me as a really slow person. I admit, but only when I don't care. And I don't show if I care or not. So most of the time I just pretend I don't get it. Just forget this line. Or just don't mind it after reading it.

I don't share stories of what happened to me at school. Friends, aside from classmates don't know if I am doing well or bad in class. And I don't feel bad about it. I really chose not to share.

I'm not sharing my opinions anymore. I don't always say what I know anymore. I keep silent most of the time. I listen and just wish for another person to say what I like to say. And I was not this person in the past. I don't know if this is a good thing actually. Because back then when I was still that opinionated person, I was called arrogant and a "know-it-all". So yeah, maybe being this kind of silent is quite a nice effect.

These sad things I feel just pop out of nowhere when I look too much to self. I am aware what I am feeling right now is natural. And that it's not only me who can be experiencing this kind of things.
But whenever I just suddenly feel this lonely and down, I am so blessed I know the Greatest Comforter.
And whenever I feel like I don't have anyone who I can talk to, I have my Best Friend. He truly cares because He understands me so well.
He listens to all my braggings and my cries without judging.
He rebukes me of my selfishness but really gentle and sweet because He knows how to confront me.
He knows where and why I have failed. But He doesn't see me as a failure nor a disappointment.
He looks on what I still can do and supports me all the way.
Knowing all these is more than enough for me.
Remembering that I have Someone like Him makes me change how I see myself.
Having Jesus Christ makes my PMS stage a time for reflection of understanding and forgiving self, and a time of knowing more my Creator.

PS. To end that family story above, my brother aplogized to me after seeing me cry. I know he just likes to crack jokes and he really didn't mean to hurt me. It made me realize how shallow and selfish I am. Praise God for brothers! 😃

For so many times, I questioned the existence of God

2015-07-22T08:41:00.000+08:00

I was 11 years old when I began to ask myself, "Is there really a God?"

I remember so clearly that one night in my room when I opened a notebook and started to write that question. I can't remember the specific reason why I came with that bugging thought. Maybe it was after I got scolded, or maybe after I experienced an accident. I actually don't really have a good explanation why I would I think of such thing in the first place. But just after finishing scribbling the first question mark, so many other questions about life followed. Although I grew up in a Christian family, I became that girl who was very curious about the universe, how everything in this world had its beginning, life after death, suffering, poverty, morality, etc.

At that one point in my life, I think I became a non-believer. Which was really ironic because I came to be one just a few months after accepting baptism. I was taught to go to church and to pray. And I did. But there was void in my heart. I only pray when I want to question things. I didn't show it, not even admit that I was in doubt and knew I was empty.

But here comes the interesting part where the God I was doubting started to prove Himself to me. It was really, really quiet but persistent and consistent.

Because I was still a little girl who should be carefree and happy, my questions didn't linger too much. They only annoy me when we are at the church and I was forced to listen because we were studying the Bible, or when I pity myself after being scolded. I was somehow an obedient and quiet girl deeply hiding her disobedience and loud doubts about her spirituality.

Then year after year, challenges came to my life. Disappointments, sickness, failures, death, heartaches. They were all painful. Some of them brought back the annoying questions I had.

But all along, as we try to overcome these things, they brought lessons in my life. And instead of making my doubts more evident and sharper, an eraser was attached to every problem. Gently, these bad experiences rubbed my questions away. But not everything at once. Some questions were difficult to rub that it had to cost lots of tears and consolation and a broken heart all over again. And the people who came and stayed and even those who just passed by also brought erasers with them. They taught me how to gently rub these heavy writings. It took almost 10 years of a quiet but persistent working of a once doubted God to completely erase the bugging thoughts of that little girl and prove that He is true and living.

It requires prayers and an open heart in the yielding to God's words and God's call to entirely believe on Him. It also requires humility and confessing and admitting that I was lonely and empty while still holding on to my disbelief to finally let go. It was not easy especially when doubts come to haunt me while I am praying. But the Bible proves it, "Nothing is impossible with God." Luke 1:37, 18:27

Now, it is so comforting to know that there is Someone who loves me despite of knowing how sinful I am, that there is Someone who remembers and thinks of me every single time, Someone who is even willing to lay down His life just to save me, and He is still now pursuing me to be like Him so I can enjoy that wonderful place He prepared just to be with me again. That amazing love has what made my doubts finally go away.

For so many times in the past, I have questioned God's existence. And through God's grace, I don't want to go back doubting again.

PS. Details of the experiences would mean a different blog post. ;)

Thank You!

2015-07-12T15:36:00.002+08:00

I just turned ~~21 years old~~ last July 10. Wow.

Reaching this age and I'm still in college, feels like I'm still a teenager but is being pulled by the "starting adulthood" stage. I think It feels like I'm just beginning puberty stage! Or maybe that is just a wish. :))

When I was 12, I can't wait to reach 18 years old and be a college girl already. Now that I'm 21, I still want to be 18. It just feels sweet being 18, sweeter than 16. ;)

And now, looking back and reflecting upon the past 21 years, all I can see is that it is God who has molded me to whoever I am right now.

I have made so many mistakes and bad decisions. I've had dark experiences and failures. I have cried a lot, got confused, angry, lonely. But above all these downs in life, the best part of it all was that I have the Lord beside me. There are so many times that I turned my back to Him and yet in the end, I would always find myself crying at His feet. He never, not even once turned His back on me.

He has blessed me with people that have been channels of joy and hope in my life. I admit that I am not a friendly person, I have kept only a few friendships but I am glad that they are genuine. I praise God for keeping them in my life. To specifically mention some of these friendships, I have my roommates, LAMP family, SUBO, AUDITORS, and some special individuals. They have been God's instruments of keeping me steadfast in faith. I am not even sure if I have been a good friend to them, but what I am definitely sure is that they are the best that I've got so far, and I am soooo thankful to them.

The same with my friends, I have the most supportive and loving family. I might be 21 now but they still see me like a little girl. And I think I know why - it's because I'm the eldest granddaughter and they're still adjusting. But that's fine. It's feels good to be treated and supported like a little girl. ;) I've got their backs whenever I feel like failing and falling. They are so proud of my little accomplishments. And I thank the Lord for a happy family He has given me.

One more thing I am thankful to the Lord is that He has placed me to His university. I have never imagined before that I'll be going to an Adventist University during college. But here I am. I have spent the last five years here and almost ready to finish college. I don't know what kind of Christian I am if I had not been put here. This is the place where I have personally known my Saviour. It's the best place for me, in helping my relationship with Him grow deeper and stronger.

I remember the messages I've heard the past days from some of my friends that birthdays are not just about the celebrant but above all, it is praising his Creator and Sustainer of life. I am so thankful that God has blessed me with one whole year. And during that whole year, one thing I can be proud of with my life is that I've witnessed the Lord's goodness, faithfulness and love. Nothing can be compared to that. He has made me feel the most special!

Friends, if you've stumbled upon this post and have read this, I am thankful to Lord for you!

Picture summary of an almost week long birthday celebration:

I've mentioned in my previous blog posts about this list I was making before turning 21. And just like other lists that I have made, I've only accomplished a few. Now I'd like to still do them before turning 22. I'm excited! It's like a bucket list. And one major thing in my list is to send personal letters through post mail. Not e-mail, not instant message, but post mail! I've never tried sending one, so now I'd like to send personal letters to 22 different people. If you'd like to receive one, just write a comment below with your current address or your address for the the next 8-12 months. Or for the best of your privacy, please do send me an e-mail here: teves_jana@hotmail.com.
Excited to send letters to you! ^_^

It's Through The Blood

2015-06-28T13:39:00.002+08:00

Here is a Christian song that's been On Repeat on my playlist. I searched for the guitar chords of this song on the internet but sadly, I found none so I tried to play it on my guitar. And here are the chords I've learned.

The message of the song is wonderful.

It is true that it is difficult to fathom how a sinner like me be accepted and even be welcomed to that heavenly home prepared by God. "Why should I be present? Why should I enter in? After all the sinful living and the wicked one I've been."

And the answer to this is Love. God loves me so much that He sees me worthy to be saved. And I have become worthy through the blood of His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, who saved me. Because He loves me!

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ~1 John 4:9-10

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. ~John 3:16

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. ~Romans 5:8

It's Through the Blood

D F#m

I. When I think of heaven

G D

And all the sites I'll see

G D - Bm

The walls of jasper, gates of pearl

Em A

The clear and golden street

D F#m

Why should I be present

G D

Why should I enter in

G D

After all the sinful living

Em A

And the wicked one I've been

D F#m

In the presence of Jehovah

G D

As I stand before the throne

G D

The accuser of the brethren

Em A

Starts to read the things I've done

D F#m

As I hear the awful charges

G D

The question fills my mind

G D - Bm

Why should I not be put in hell

Em A-A7

To suffer for all time

Chorus:

D - F#m/A

It's through the blood

G A A7

That's all I have to plea

D - F#m/A

It's through the blood

G A

That Jesus shed for me

G A

Not by works of my own righteousness

D - F#m - Bm

For filthy rags are they

G D

But because of that old rugged tree,

G D

Hanging on dark Calvary

G/Em D - Em

This is my only plea,

A D

It's through the blood

D F#m

II. When I'm walking through a valley

G D

And I feel there's no way out

G D - Bm

When the winds of sorrow threaten me

Em A

And they turn my world around

D F#m

That's when I look to Jesus

G D

And the price He paid for me

G D - Bm

I can lift my hand in praise to Him

Em A - A7

And shout the victory

The Few Days Before My Birthday

2015-06-23T08:01:00.001+08:00

Here I go again, trying to achieve something before reaching another year of my life.

Days before I reach 21. Yes, in 18 days, I'm officially entering adulthood. And I don't actually feel turning 21, I feel turning 18. But anyway, this post is the same pattern I have been doing during the past three years before reaching my birthday. I started this when I was 17 turning 18. I try to make a list of anything that just pops in my mind. I start writing a list per day counting my to-be-age backwards from my birth date. The list is numbered also according to the age I was turning to: 18 new people I met, 18 new songs, 18 places, etc. I was not able to post everything in my blog, but I keep them recorded in my diary.

WeHeartIt: @najnax

This time, I started 3 days late. I should have started last June 20 so the days will be exactly 21 days before my birthday. I have also made revisions. Instead of making a list of 21 things everyday, I'll only be making one list for the next 18/17 days.

My list is still not yet finished, but to start, here's an acronym I have written two years go just after turning 19:

Naj

Interesting or not, she only have a one word, four letter name.

No kidding, but she just celebrated her birthday yesterday.

Enthusiastically, she wants to write a poem for herself.

To abridge tall tales of her imaginative mind and

Enlighten herself with her own obscure styles.

Enlivening, she can’t make one

No excuses, just ironically pointless.

Not to grow up?

Inspire me, why not?

No hard choices to make, or

Exerting efforts to do and no

Trying to face new challenges in life.

Earned something?

Eventually, of course,

None!

Day 9 and 10

2015-06-14T14:02:00.001+08:00

Day 9: Two Smileys

^_^ -_-

Day 10: One Confession

I don't have anything to confess as of now. I just don't like how I was two days behind this challenge when I am not really busy. Now, I'm leaving and I'll be spending a week with no internet.
Praying for a wonderful week.

10 Days Challenge Done!

Day 8: Turn-ons

2015-06-10T18:21:00.000+08:00

If yesterday was turn-offs, today it's the turn-ons.

1. Passionate in serving God.

2. Really, really good in music.

3. Gentleman + Good sense of humor

And the list can go on. But I had to write only three.

Day 7: Four Turn-offs

2015-06-09T17:54:00.000+08:00

The challenge is actually "Four Turn-offs." I'm not sure what I'm sharing:

1. Yelling at me without proper reason. It's also the same with being angry at me or not talking to me with no good reason. Or just plainly rude/disrespectful.

2, Acting impulsively/talking without thinking.

3. Bad hygiene.

4. Arrogant.

Day 6: More Than Five

2015-06-08T22:20:00.000+08:00

I cannot specify. There are so many people that really mean a lot to me.

I am grateful to God for putting them in my life.

They are inspiration and encouragement.

Day 5: No Regrets

2015-06-07T22:10:00.000+08:00

1. I wish I never had a boyfriend at such a young age. Then I would never have experienced heartaches so early.

2. I wish I didn't take BS Accountancy as my course. Should have just taken a course closer to the medicine, the career I really like.

3. I wish I should have just kept this blog really private. Sometimes I feel like pretending and that's being a hypocrite.

4. I wish I had taken my studies more seriously.

5. I wish I never started this challenge. I can't think anymore of any regrets from the things that I did.

6. I only regret the mistakes I have done in the past. Maybe the only real mistake I have done so far is the first and the fourth in the list. The others were not really good decisions but it turned out that I'm glad I did them.

Right now, these are not anymore regrets in my life. Bad things may happen but the do happen because God has a reason. I have learned my lessons and I'm glad that the Lord can make all things work out together for good to those who love Him. ~Romans 8:28

Oh, by the way, I remember my Father telling me,

"It's not regretting what you did, it's regretting what you didn't do."

Day 4: What do I think?

2015-06-06T23:44:00.000+08:00

1. Maintaining my blogs. I have two Tumblr accounts and this Blogger account.

2. College requirements. They keep stressing me. I haven't finished anything yet.

3. My failures. Still too disappointed to be sharing them.

4. Too many questions:

"Should I still pursue the CPA career?"

"Should I not?"

"Should I just work?"

"Where will I work?"

5. Work scholarship I applied for last week. I think I'll be posting an update about this IF I get a positive result. I'm still waiting for the approval.

6. Having a boyfriend?? Not that I am really thinking about having one. It's just that people around me are bugging me. They are more excited than I am. I'm still waiting y'know.

7. I am fully aware that whatever things that cross my mind a lot are mostly negative things. Maybe that's why friends tell me that I look stressed when I'm not actually stressed. Or I really am, but mentally not physically. I'm just glad that the Lord has always plans in making me smile. And His wonderful promises are one of the best reminders of His love and care.

These are only a few of my favorite verses in the Bible that I would usually remember:

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."

Romans 8:26-28 (The Message)

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

"This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:8-9 (ESV)

Day 3: The Christian Way

2015-06-05T17:35:00.000+08:00

Day 3 of Ten Days Challenge

I'd like to answer this not the fictional way anymore, but the Christian way.

1. Learn to love first the Creator then His creation. Love the Lord more than me. Nothing is more attractive than a guy who is in love with Jesus and passionate in following Him.

2. For me to accept your proposal of pursuing me, I'll appreciate very much your bravery and courage by talking to my parents first.

3. Be honest. Be true to yourself. Be sincere. Both in actions and in words.

4. Make sure that you are a trusted friend of mine already. Because that is when you'll understand how unpredictable I am with anything and everything I like or dislike. (But I'm not sure if you will really understand girls.)

5. Be a gentleman. Not because you just want to impress a girl but because it is the right thing to do.

6. Who wouldn't want to be with someone who makes her laugh?

7. Be responsible. I should see that you know how to prioritize things and that you have goals in life.

8. Be traditional. Write letters and I'll probably write back. Go to my house and visit. Of course if you're number 3, you will be comfortable around my family.

I also recommend to anyone who is reading this to also read this blog post which has clearly explained a good perspective on Christian courtship and dating. Click this: How to pursue a Godly woman

Day 2: About Yourself

2015-06-04T18:20:00.002+08:00

Day 2 of Ten Days Challenge

1. She doesn't seem to like writing things directly about herself.
2. So she would rather tell a third person point of view, fictional, about me story which is inspired by her true to life story.
3. This girl is actually from the Earth's moon. She likes to travel from planet to planet but decided to stay on Earth for a while because of their cute little things like ribbons.
4. She would like to experience the different adventures in this planet since she has been so used to travelling through comets, black holes and meteors that she wanted to try new things now.
5. For her, Earth creatures are so interesting compared to others. (I'm not so sure who or what are these 'others'.) She is fascinated by the way people look when they are lost in their thoughts, the way they half smile, the way they try to hold back their tears or even the way they look down when they walk.
6. When she comes back home, she wishes to bring a pet with her. She likes the dog named Snoopy in a comic book she has read. Or Garfield could also be, except that this cat is lazy.
7. She likes how Earth creatures are so artistic that they can compose music, write poems, or paint a picture out of their emotions. She likes reading poems. And she has learned also how to write poems. Except that she can only write when she's sad.
8. She has also learned how to play music. She plays the guitar, the piano and the recorder. She's learning how to play the violin and the flute. She wishes she can play every instrument in an orchestra. What an ambitious girl, trying to play music to the stars and constellations.
9. She thinks listening and watching an orchestra concert as a date is really cheesy. And less ambitious than playing every instrument. But stargazing while flying in space with meteors and comets are the best.

Sorry, can't think of an ending.

Day 1: Ten Different People

2015-06-03T12:45:00.000+08:00

Day 1 of Ten Days Challenge

1. Dr. Gregory House, I wish you are real. I am fully aware that you are sarcastic and mean but I still like you. You prioritize your patient's life over your professional license. You are selfish most of the time but it's just because you're lonely. I know you're just fictional, I'm just too fond of your character.

2. Grace, writing all the things that I want to say to you is already a different blog post. To consider a friendship as the best one requires constant communication and of course, the presence of each other. I know we do not have that because of the distance between us. But I want you to know that despite all that, you are still my only best friend. If ever you come back home, I know it will be a bit awkward for both of us. But I also know that it'll pass. Then we can play the piano and guitar together again, we can ride the bike under the rain, drink salabat until we cannot fall asleep anymore. And laugh and cry and sing. I miss you.

3. MJ, if ever you are reading this (I know you won't be able to), you'll know who you are. You are that one person in my life that I remember from time to time. I regret the mistakes that I have done in the past. I have learned my lessons and you were part of it. I forgive you. And I think that is all you need to hear from me.

4. To someone who I turned down an offer of friendship, I'm sorry. I was selfish and childish during those times. You know I have too many friends that time; my attention was only for them that I wasn't able to notice your presence. I kept your letter and I wish I can go back in time and change what I did.

5. Fatherdear and Motherdear, I have failed you too many times and I have broken the trust you've given me. I'm sorry for disappointing you. When you were at my age, I know you were all mature and have been doing big decisions in your life already. And compared to me, I know I still need to grow. Thank you for giving me all the another chances. You are the best!

6. To whoever is making me sad, I don't know if you know who you are and I'm not sure if I know who you are ( I just want to complete the challenge). Thank you for the opportunity of making me realize that I will not completely understand happiness without experiencing loneliness. But please don't keep stressing me.

7. To whoever is reading this, you are one of the source of my joy right now. Because despite all the selfish things I am writing here, you are here reading them. Or I don't know if you are really reading them, but still, you are here and I am just so glad I might cry tears of joy.

8. To a professor, I cannot specifically mention your name because I don't want you to know this. I am afraid that I am going to face you again. That's all. If I tell more, people might rat me out. Heheee~

9. To my crush/es. I am so sad that you don't know I am existing. Or maybe you know that I am existing but my overwhelmed appreciation for you does not. *deep sigh. Anyway, thank you for inspiring me of your good looks/intelligence/wit/funny personality/other admiring characteristics. Some of you are my close friends, that's all I want you to know.

10. Future Special Someone, I haven't written a letter for you for a long time. I hope I'll meet you soon. I told myself last year that I should have a boyfriend already before blue moon comes this year. And now, blue moon is coming and I think you are still in the future. Oh well, hope you are having a good day, even without me. Because I am having a good day, even without you. Haha. In the future, we'll both have a better day, maybe even the best. Sounds cool? See you!

10 Days Challenge

2015-06-02T21:26:00.000+08:00

Photo Credit: WeHeartIt

Goodbye May, goodbye summer vacation, goodbye sleepless nights, goodbye relax times.

On the other side of the globe, their summer is just about to start. But here in the Philippines, it's ending. But it's still soooo hot here. I wonder when rainy days will come?

I cannot summarize my summer vacation since I haven't really done any fun activity. It wasn't as fulfilling as I expected, but it was good.

Now I'm back to updating this blog often, I don't know why. It just happened that I'm so bored that I began wondering again to this little world of mine.

Here's a not-so-new-thing again: I'm doing a challenge! Yeah. For the 3rd time, I'm doing again a challenge. But this time, it's a bit shorter compared to my 1st two challenges which were the 365 days and the 30 days. This time, I'm really hoping I can finish everything. I looked this up in Google then tried to make my own version. And here's the result:

I cannot promise myself to accomplish this for 10 days. I tried 365 days, but just suddenly stopped when I was on the 3rd month. I tried 30 days but also stopped after the 5th day. Let's see how I'll end up with this 3rd challenge. And probably I'll also be posted on how exciting this month is going to be.

Okay, bye now. I'll leave with this cute bunny.