A view from Kerry

Propaganda and Drink Driving Limits

2009-11-09T13:10:00.001Z

from agnes at the bar in godley's, fenit;

So they are at it again. How in god's name can I sit in every night talking to meself while drinking canned draught arthur g. and a few small ones. I'll be on me arse in no time, and may well set fire to settee once more.

Look at the official stats from the CSO. 285 deaths with motor vehicles. How many were drunk or had just the one? Does it matter? If they were all piss heads it still represents 1% of the deaths in 2006.

How much money is spent each year in preventing the other causes of death? You can guess the answer. What budgets are set aside for PR, advertising, staff in the other areas? What 'celeb' is running any other agency to promote that particular cause?

1%. And how many of that 1% fell asleep at the wheel. Sneezed and lost control. Got blinded by headlights. Died because there was no road sign. Died because of road conditions. Bald tyres. Faulty Brakes. Junior in the back was causing a rumpus.

Still 1% ? 285 died because of drink? I don't think so.

I am not in favour of drink driving. I do want at least to be able to have a couple of pints over an hour or two and drive home. As I said before, out here there are no Luas, Dart, Arrow, DrinkLink, Bus or taxi. If you count €40 round trip fare to my local as a taxi service then you must be Sean Fitpatrick.

Swords into Ploughshares, Offices into Warships

2009-11-09T00:07:00.000Z

USS New York

from stockie at the korean war memorial lixnaw;

The USS New York has been launched. You may or may not know that steel from the rubble of theWorld Trade Center was used in the building of this ship.

Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus said at the amphibious assault ship's commissioning "No matter how many times you attack us, we always come back, America always comes back. That's what this ship represents."

From the bible, Isiah 2.4 "They shall beat their swords into ploughshares, and their spears into pruning-hooks; nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more."

I'm off for a quick one.

Love Pains Make You Feel Alive

2009-11-07T12:00:00.001Z

from agnes in the gleneagle;

I don't know about you, but I'm nearly, just nearly, fed up with little boys full of self-knowing doubt singing 'love' songs with their nice non-electric geetars. Sometimes they even appear in the church in Dingle with Mr Patronising Kelly.

Give me someone who gives everything in a song, including real feeling.

Neko Case is such a woman. This is "The Pharoahs". It gives me a shudder each time I listen and drink in the words.

lyrics;
you were married in the mirrored hall when I was 16

you spoke the words, "I love girls in white leather jackets"
that was good enough for love, it was good enough for me
I listened in when you thought you were alone
calling the sphinx on a tornado's phone
who knows what she'll say
I only heard what i wanted
you said I was your blue, blue baby
and you were right
you said I was your blue, blue baby
and you were right
wandered the halls all the nighttime
my body burned, my legs ached
but you never came to bed
you just left me there awake
you kept me wanting wanting wanting
like the wanting in the movies and the hymns
I want the pharaohs, but there's only men
I want the pharaohs, but there's only men
you said I was your blue, blue baby
and you were right
you said I was your blue, blue baby
and you were right

Beyonce a grand lump of a woman

2009-11-06T13:13:00.000Z

from stockie at the bar in the listowel arms;

God I'm confused. Isn't Beyonce a grand lump of a woman? She'd be a great help at the milking. One man's cellulite is another man's fine thighs.

You'd fit ten Poshes in that red suit. What use would Posh be to me?

With the recession affecting the heating bill, I'd prefer Beyonce in the old leaba, complete with the fine thighs.

Oh it's not cellulite if it's on Beyonce?

We prefer the ladies to come upholstered.

U2's Berlin Walls

2009-11-05T09:36:00.001Z

Old East German Plasma with Old Rockers

-the only way to see U2

from stockie in speedy's moyvane;

So U2 are giving a free concert in Berlin. Is this some attempt at irony?

Four mini-songs.

Behind a new Berlin Wall.

It's free if you have a TV.

Will MTV be giving free advertising?

Go away U2. Way past your sell by.

btw Stockie not happy with the crap photo.

Kerry Style Sets the Pace

2009-11-01T22:11:00.000Z

from agnes at the bar in the white sands hotel;

Just because we are on the west coast doesn't that we are cut off from all the current trends, especially trends in models who are ready for the 21st century.

Local Kerry agency Upfront bring us the wonderful news of the new Miss Barry's Bakery. Excellent stuff.

You may be in interested in the following pic from 1939. It shows the National Peanut Festival Queen for that year.

You are an intelligent reader (well you are reading this blog). Make up your own story.

Don't read this if you are fat and stupid

2009-11-01T13:38:00.000Z

from agnes sitting in the bar in the brehon. killarney;

There I was looking for a recipe for Chocolate Milkshake using dark cocoa (don't ask) when I came upon http://www.cooks.com/ and the above recipe. If I am looking for chocolate recipes do I need an ad telling me I am fat? Or if I am on a diet, why am I looking up chocolate recipes? I can't work it out. It's doing my head in.

Another one for the road there son.

Drink at home, Drunk at home

2009-10-30T17:32:00.001Z

It's a great way to travel

from seanie in parkers kilflynn;

My local is exactly 8.19 miles (13.2 dempsey ks) from my door, according to yahoo maps. It will take me 17 minutes driving it also says. It takes me about 25 in reality. There are no pubs, hotels, shebeens between me and my local. There are no Luas, Dart, Bus, NiteLink, Arrow transport facilities. There is one community bus (what an oxymoron) which passes the end of the lane twice a week - wednesday and friday. It goes to town at 10 am and returns at 2 o'clock in the afternoon (1400 dempsey time). And I would still be 4.26 miles (6.9 dempsey ks) from my local.

A taxi (hackney) to the local costs €20. Obviously that's €40 for the round trip.

So I can't have two pints over a couple of hours just to keep up with the local news, see who's dead, dying or just not very well at the moment.

Have a lemonade you cry. Over two hours I need lemonade or something other than my pint?

The christmas 45 games start soon. There will be fuck all people playing. All the older players gone, gone gone. Staying at home in front of a few turf sods.

Yes rural Ireland does exist.

But not if you have been driven around by 'private' gardai for twenty years, believing this is a 'knowledge economy' and at the bleedin edge of technology.

Minister Dempsey, you can go and .....................

National Day of Action

2009-10-29T16:41:00.000Z

from stockie, still in club head bang bang tralee;

God the nostalgia is wonderful. Just like Johnny Cash's vid, Bob's brings those totem poles back - kerouac, ginsbeg, all the black and white grainy pixels of memory, all those shards of recognition of ambition and lack of ambition, all the would be's and could be's.

And all around us worker is set upon worker. National day of action my ass. Fight among yourselves as the Union bosses earn more than five times your wages - every day. And all those in positions of power, social partners. Not socialist partners you will note.

Of course I'll have another. Bird never flew on one wing. And a Black Bush - water no ice, thanks.

Nostalgia The Way Forward

2009-10-29T15:37:00.001Z

My Beat Club - Strange Brew on MUZU.

from stockie in headbangers tralee;

All this talk of strikes, days of action, crap governments makes one very nostalgic. It's time to lose one's head in happy hippy days when all seemed possible. Those dreams fell too, but it was worth the trip. Well worth it to bring those feelings to mind especially now. Public worker set against private worker. The system churning itself up, clearing out the shit to make way for fresh progess. Islam versus Christianity. Same thing.

Another pint of Guinnness there please. No, I'm in no hurry. Oh, and a Back Bush too - water no ice.

Separated at birth

2009-10-29T09:39:00.000Z

from agnes in the sportsman's tralee;

I'm saying nothing. Use your head.

Vintner's Victory

2009-10-22T10:33:00.000+01:00

Thumbs Up from Jackie and Fan

from seanie in tatler jacks;

So where is the Drink-Driving Limit bill now? Gone. Lily-livered Brian Cowen can't even bring this bill in. At least we can now legally piss this countries future up against the wall.

We have been listing TD's clinics/pubs see Drink Limit tag). Surely there can be no connection with Clinics/Advice Centres and the kicking to touch of the bill? To quote one TD (no stranger to a pub himself) "I was going to vote against this even if the Government came down tomorrow, it's the poor fella that calls in for a pint and a half on the way home from the likes of Castleisland or Kenmare Mart, that's who I'm looking out for." Jackie Healy-Rae in the Kerryman.

Don't get me wrong. I'm happy that the drink-driving limit has not been changed. Life in rural Ireland has enough threats to it. It's weak, non-principled useless TDs that drive me to drink.

Slainte.

Local TD at Your Local Pub (3)

2009-10-20T09:57:00.000+01:00

from agnes in john benny moriarty's in dingle;

Drink Drive Limit Drives Me Up The Walls

Stockie and myself are still stuck in Dingle as I think that the guards might get him after his pint and BnP (see this).For my part a few small powers have killed my chances of driving, not that I could as I never learned to drive - damn all cars around here in the fifties.

We blame the politeecians.

I officially give up on this list (see list 1 and list 2). If you want to know more about politicians and their clinics, just look it up yourself. Why?

The countryside is being killed stone cold dead by stubborn, single-minded TDs who don't even have to drive themselves! One drink. One drink and I am a murdering bastard. Wipe out innocents in Limerick with guns and there's no problem. One drink. One drink.

I give up compiling my list because I got as far as Eamon O Cuiv and his list of clinics. Pubs, Pubs Pubs. Not all are pubs I admit, but why edit such a wonderful declaration. A declaration that the pub is the centre of social interaction in rural Ireland.

Want to see the list? Here it is, verbatim. Don't worry if you don't understand Irish, this is (almost) a list of pubs.

Eamon O Cuiv Clinic Venues

Constituency Office, Kirwin House, Flood St. Galway City
At home, Corr na Móna, Co. Galway
Regan's, Maigh Cuilinn
Tí Hughes, An Spidéal
Tigh Bhiddy Ned, Indreabhán
Tír na nÓg, Indreabhán
Ionad Pobail/Community Centre, An Caiseal/Cashel
Tí Mhóráin, Cárna
Tí Chadháin, Cill Chiaráin
Tí Mháille, Rosmuc
Hurney's, Tullykyne
Hollorans', Collinamuck
Kinneavey's, Rosscahill
Boat Inn, Oughterard
Kings, Roundstone
Keoghs Ballyconneely
J.C's, The Square, Clifden
Joyces’, Cleggan
Keane's, Oranmore
Egan's, Coshla
Clarkes' Corrandulla,
Regan's, Clonboo
Molly's, Letterfrack
Coynes' Tullycross,
Hamiltons, Leenane
Burkes, Clonbur
Tí Phádraig Mháirtín Beag, An Droim
Hooker Bar (Tigh Jack), Eanach Mhéain, Béal an Daingin
Réalt na Mara, An CheathrÚ Rua
Tí Sé, Ros-a-Mhíl

It's your round, Noel Dempsey.

Local TD at Local Pub (2)

2009-10-19T11:11:00.001+01:00

from stockie in dick mack's;

Enoying another pint and a drop of the craytur. That will put me over Noel Demsey's mad limit. How do I get home from here ? Only 2 drinks, not even a drag, I'm stuck. Where is my Kerry Luas, my Kerry Dart, my Kerry Arrow, my 16a bus, my friendly local taxi driver?

So here is another instalment in our list of Local TDs in local pubs, only FFers this time. Please note that Mary Hanafin has 'Advice Centres', not Clinics.

Barry Andrews (FF)
The Wishing Well, Blackrock
Aine Brady (FF)
The Village Inn (Manzors), Clane
Johnny Brady (FF)
Old Darnley Lodge Hotel, Athboy
Pollard Arms, Castlepollard
O'Shaughnessy's, Delvin
McHugh's Pub, Raharney
Martin Cullen (FF)
Furlong's, Passage
The Tavern, Waterford
John Curran (FF)
Silver Granite Pub, Palmerstown
Frank Fahey (FF)
J. Conneely's, Clifden
Mary Hanafin (FF)
The Igo Inn (Lounge Section) (naturally), Ballybrack
Maire Hoctor (FF)
Damer Court Hotel, Roscrea
The Arch Bar, Thurles
Foley's Bar, Templemore
Liam O'Riain's Pub, Ballina
The Bit n' Bridle Bar, Killenaule
Pat Hough's Bar, Lorrha

I have not stopped at FF. More to come.

TDs Expenses Fully Justified

2009-10-18T13:19:00.000+01:00

Mr. Micawber knew about balancing expenses

from seanie in the blind piper in caherdaniel;

There I was supping a lovely pint reading the Irish times when I came across the following article. The story is true, but some details have been amended in order to make the story more believable. (Original here.)

TDs 'face expenses challenge'

More than 166 TDs could be asked either to repay money or provide further information to justify their expenses claims, it has been reported.

TDs are set to receive letters next week about their claims over the past five years.

Auditors are expected to ask up to 166 members to justify instances where they have received public money, or to repay it, the Sunday Telegraph reported.

The letters are reportedly being sent out by former civil servant Mr Shoneen, who has been leading a review of all claims since 2004. Shoneen is believed to be examining cases where TDs have used dail expenses to improve their second homes and make a profit, rather than just maintain them.

He is also said to have uncovered more examples where taxpayers' money has been used to pay off the capital element of mortgages, instead of just interest on the borrowing, as is allowed under the rules.

The letters will be sent out privately, and Shoneen is not expected to deliver his final report until December.

They will also receive an email containing a detailed analysis of their use of the Additional Costs Allowance, which is intended to help meet the costs of running a second home, the newspaper reported.

TDs will be told they have three weeks to challenge Shoneen's findings and can appeal to the Dail standards and privileges committee if they do not agree with his conclusions.

According to the BBC, the Taoiseach could be among those asked to pay back cash. In an interview, Brian Cowen said he believed the "worst offenders" in the scandal should be prosecuted.

"It's right to distinguish between what you might call corruption in some cases, which is for the courts to decide, and honest mistakes or misunderstandings about rules that are very unclear," he said.

"Some cases will end up in the courts, where someone's done something very wrong we've got a duty to deal with them most severely."

That's women for ye.

2009-10-18T12:48:00.000+01:00

from stockie in the green room in the maharees;

This wouldn't happen here. There's a tax on those plastic bags.

Not Irish Jokes

2009-10-18T10:58:00.000+01:00

from agnes in the tankard;

So they are telling Irish jokes in British jails? My god, what new torture is this. Who would have thought.

There is nothing as good as hearing things straight from the drinker's gob. Enjoying a stiff one yesterday in the Tankard with Seanie and Paudie, the conversation drifted into reminiscing. Always happens after a few pints and the odd B&P.

D'ye remember auld Payter? Back in Causeway? Remember the time a Yank stopped outside Jones' supermarket ? He asked Payter "Can you tell me the way to Ratoo Tower?"
"Go out the road, turn left at the Doctor's house and away with ye", was the swift reply.

Or what about the directions given to a poor German, stuck in Fenit and wanting to get to the Bus station in Tralee (8 miles, not a very simple route). "Go back the road till you meet Connie Nolan's garage, turn right and it's ahead of you." Check yahoo maps to see if the German made it.

It's all true - not meant to be laugh out loud. The pub, the pub.

Meet Your Local TD at the Local Pub (1)

2009-10-17T13:33:00.002+01:00

from stockie by phone from freddie's;

A Tale of Two Harps

There I was sipping a pint in Freddie's in Caherdaniel when it came to my attention that this wonderful hostelry also serves as clinic for our former Ceann Comhairle John O'Donoghue. I looked up some of our TD websites to see where they might hold such clinics. I had to stop at five - 5!! Look up your local man's site and see where he/she might be, waiting to meet happy constituents.

All over the country pubs are closing and these boyos give absolutely no help in keeping these social centres open - even though they use them as social centres themselves.

It costs me €20 to get a hackney home from my local if I forget to bring the jammer with me. And as for smoking? See Grandad for some views on that.

John O'Donoghue's Clinics
Ballyferriter, Donal Keane’s Bar
Annascaul, Falvey’s Bar
Catherdaniel, Freddie’s Bar
Kenmare, Jim O’Shea’s, The Commercial
Glenbeigh, Mary McCarthy’s Bar
Milltown, Michael O’Shea’s Bar
Brandon, Mullaly’s Bar
Ventry, Paudie O’Shea’s Bar
Sneem, Riney’s Bar
Maharees, Spillane’s Bar
Castlecove, Staigue Fort
Castlegregory, Tadgh Óg’s Bar
Keel / Boolteens, The Anvil Bar or Murphy’s Bar
Killarney, The Arbutus Hotel, College Street
Waterville, The Bayview Hotel
Beaufort, The Beaufort Bar
Dingle, Tom McCarthy’s Bar

Seamus Kirk's Clinics
Clogherhead, Lobster Inn
Ardee, Malone's
Carlingford, Taafe's Castle
Dundalk, Central Bar

Willie O'Dea's Clinics
Shanahan’s, Mungret.
Greenhill’s Hotel, Ennis Rd.
The Track, Garryowen.
The Spotted Dog, Janesboro.
Tail Race, Parteen.
Ahern’s Bar, Kilteely,
Miller’s Bar, Oola.
Scobie’s Bar, Hospital.
O’Dwyer’s Bar, Pallasgreen.
G. Barry’s Bar, Caherconlish.
Weigh Inn, Ballysheedy.
Buckley’s Bar, Doon.
Noel Foley’s, Murroe.
Shannon Bar, Castleconnell.

Mary Harney's Clinics
Kenny's Pub, Lucan
Green Isle Hotel, Rathcoole

Richard Bruton's Clinics
Grainger's Coolock
Kitty Kiernan's, Collins Avenue
Kilmardinny, Lorcan Avenue

Every Little Helps, says Tesco Witch

2009-10-17T11:43:00.000+01:00

from loki in stoker's lodge;

So there I was in Tescos in Cork looking for something to brighten up the night life when I came across the perfect costume at the perfect price - €6.

Wait wait. At the till I discovered it was €7. Now my eyesight is pretty normal, and I naturally assume all advertised prices at the store are in Euros. Silly me.

Never mind that the exchange rate is ludicrous.

Roll on Christmas (xmas?) shopping.

Professor Drumm's Bonus Totally Justified

2009-10-15T13:04:00.001+01:00

from seanie in the killarney plaza;

So Prof Brendan Drumm is paid more, much more, than his equivalents in the US or UK. So what?

It is totally deserved. He is in charge of a health system which much cater for the entire Irish population, a population which self-evidently ill, perhaps seriously mentally ill.

Just look at the idiots, chancers and embezzlers they vote to represent them in the Dail.

Where are the protests against this Government?

2009-10-15T10:01:00.002+01:00

from stockie the west end;

It can't go on. Thirty years ago up about 200,000 people marched in protest against the high burden of taxation being carried by the PAYE workers.

In that thirty years we have seen grubby politicians reduce themselves to a self-serving, expense filled group of ineffectual twats. Oh there may be some honest (?) politicians left, but they are very very quiet.

So the PAYE marchers may have been self-serving too, I admit that. It seems that all the establishment members (unions, government, civil service, state bodies etc.) are now congealed into one lump of chip fat. Surely this is a time for more protests?

Where is the tipping point? Argos runs out of Nintendo Wii this christmas?

Bertie Tells Time Magazine, "It's the Media"

2009-10-14T13:30:00.002+01:00

from seanie in the bar at beaufort golf club;

Read the lastest from Time magazine - an interview with President-elect Mr. Bertie Ahern.
Former Ireland Prime Minister Bertie Ahern

It's the media. It's all the media. Fianna Fail and Bertie believe it's all the media's fault. A direct lift from the article;

"You seem to blame the media for your decision to quit as Taoiseach. 

Yes, they just kept after me. Even when things were getting serious with the economy, they just kept on my back. I would have [left office] this year anyway. I thought at the end public opinion would be fed up with the tribunal and fed up with me. It just goes on and on. You're asked questions like 'do you not remember well going into a bank on 23rd September 1993?' and eight hours later you're thinking 'Jesus did I go into the bank on 23rd September 1993?'"

And again;

"It looked like a success story, and then the recession came. 

 Did we make mistakes? Of course we did. The property boom got too big, the banks borrowed too much. Our regulation system, and we all have to take responsibility for this, wasn't picking up everything it should. When I tried to bring in a property tax, the media killed me. Then the media killed me saying I didn't bring in the solutions. I am sorry so many people have lost jobs." 

Of course the media hounded poor John O'Donoghue out of office.

John O'Donoghue's Speech From The Dock

2009-10-13T15:38:00.000+01:00

only following procedure

from seanie in the red fox inn;

So John O'Donoghue is not bitter - so he said in his resignation speech. Of course mention of the media peppered his speech, although he did say of his relations with the fourth estate - 'the best of times, the worst of times'.

His barely concealed venom was directed at Eamon Gilmore. The 'unfair procedure' of pre-empting a fair hearing of his defence of his actions. Totally ignoring the fact that Gilmore offered him an alternative, that of a full public disclosure, instead of the 'fair hearing' behind closed doors, as O'Donoghue wanted.

Of course he never arranged any accomodation or travel - that was undertaken by civil servants or those who invited him to their country or function. He was scrupulously following procedure. Standard procedure. Standard protocol. Procedures since 1929 (I think that was the year he mentioned).

The gentlemen at Nuremberg were only following procedure. Who questions procedure?

Of course he claimed credit for everything - Semple Stadium, Cliffs of Moher, Volvo Ocean Race, Ryder Cup and on and on and on. Good man yourself.

All the expenses incurred during the Tiger years apparently seem excessive in these spartan times, he inferred. So that's all right then.

John O'Donoghue says he did no wrong.

John O'Donoghue says he followed procedure.

John O'Donoghue is not a nazi.

John O'Donoghue is guilty of not taking full responsibility for his function. Not asking questions.

Only following orders.

And he will be re-elected. This is Kerry, after all. Those media and Dublin bastards won't best us.

Ryanair 1 Panorama 0

2009-10-13T09:40:00.001+01:00

from stockie in the castle bar;

The logos probably say it all. Ryanair - cheap, bright and in your face. Panorama - expensive, arty, slightly discreet. What in God's name has become of Panorama ? Once upon a time it was either World in Action or Panorama which investigated - really investigated - previously hidden stories. If you read papers you would read the Sunday Times edited by Harold Evans. Not the current rag.

So Michael O'Leary was set upon by a bluff, simpering, journo who looks as if he should be reporting on the local sheepdog trials. What did the team at Panorama think was going to be the outcome? It's utterly ridiculous.

Apparently Ryanair charges it's customers. Amazing. I travel and use Ryanair occasionally. No I don't really like the experience and sometimes I lose the old cool. But then I can't afford the price of the seat I woud really like - first class seat of course. How many times have you travelled in steerage to the US in the back of a smelly old Air Lingus bus? Bet you envied first class. But you couldn't afford it. The greater goal was to get to the US and come back again. Safely.

Panorama tells us that Ryanair sometimes lands it's customers up to 100k away from it's destination. I'm shocked. 60odd million people know this, apparently Panorama doesn't.

This little rant is not in favour of Ryanair - they can handle themselves. Thanks to radio, books and the internet I don't see as much TV as I used to. I only watched the programme to see if Panorama could land a punch. If this is the quality of investigative journalism on television I won't be watching.

Of course my TV licence does not cover the BBC. So I take it all back.

Bertie View of Lehman's Balls

2009-10-12T15:42:00.001+01:00

from seanie in the blasket;

I know it's too easy to hold Bertie Ahern up to ridicule - after all he does it best himself. But as he appears to want to run for the President's job I cannot hold back. No way can we have De President up in de Park next to the ehzoo.

Kathy Sheridan had a great piece in the Irish Times last saturday. It seems Bertie thinks Lehmans was some sort of multi-balled American.

Thank you Kathy.

New section on Bertie.