A Whole New G

bye

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Fri, 29 May 2009 02:57:00 +0000

I'm posting at http://www.butyourenot.blogspot.com.

bye guys

ummm...yeah...

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 00:16:00 +0000

So... I've been gone for a little while. Ooops.

No excuses. I started putting everything else ahead of my blog time when we all know how much you need me. I'm sorry sweeties.

The good news is that I'm in the new apartment as of today. AND I have vodka. I know, big surprise, right? The even better news is that I should have wifi by the end of the week. So I'll be back permanently soon.

Don't worry - I won't expect fatted calf until I've posted consecutively for a week. I've missed you guys.

Love ya!
G

strange

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 23:11:00 +0000

I write my parent's eulogies in my head sometimes and I have no idea why. Sometimes I'll be driving and hear a song on the radio that will prompt the writer in my head to start scribbling. Sometimes i'll come out of a daydream and a phrase or sentence will be there.

Inevitably it makes me teary eyed. I don't want either of my parents to die. It isn't something that I like thinking about. I don't sit around writing any of this stuff down either - this is more like snatches of dreams that float through my mind. They are disturbing and sometimes painfull. I have NO idea why I'm sharing this with you guys except I came up with a great sentence this morning that totally summarized my relationship with Papa G. Of course, I've forgotten it now.

While I'm on this funeral kick - I have a playlist for mine. Well, not so much the funeral itself, but for the vodka soaked wake I'm all set. Here's a sample...

American Girl - Tom Petty
She Came In Through The Bathroom Window - The Beatles
People Get Ready - Curtis Mayfield and the Impressions
If It's Magic - Stevie Wonder
Ice Cream - Sarah McLachlan
With or Without You - U2
I'll Work For Your Love - Bruce Springsteen
For The Good Times - Ray Price
A Rose is Still A Rose - Aretha Franklin
Steppin Out With My Baby - Tony Bennet
Fly Me To The Moon - Frank Sinatra
Strength, Courage and Wisdom - India Arie
#41 - Dave Matthews
Leeds - Indigo Girls

f.u.n.y.p.

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 21:37:00 +0000

It seems the NYP ran a cartoon depicting the shooting of the chimpanzee that went on a rampage (which is sick enough) and the tagline referenced President Obama. I'm not going to link to the cartoon. I know you can find it ten million other places on the web.

It's sad that people in this country still try to deny their fellows citizens humanity based on skin color.
It's sad that other people think it's funny.
So - no more gossip rag for me.
All I have to say is: FU NYP.

ummm...

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 19:33:00 +0000

http://www.myheritage.com/collage

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Family tree templates - Pedigree

I don't think I look like any of these people...but apparently the computers do!

i heart you

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 17:34:00 +0000

I'm at work. On Valentine's Day. Which is fine because I am SO single, but I love my job.
And my minions.
Hope you're all having a great day!

i heart u
G

listen to what the man said

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 01:28:00 +0000

So I'm listening to President Obama talk about the economic stimulus package tonight and something struck me about his arguments for it. He was talking about a specific proposal (I'm going to paraphrase here) to retrofit government buildings to be more energy efficient. Apparently there are some questions as to how this is stimulus. Well first it creates and/or saves jobs immediately, because someone has to plan and then do the actual work, so there are people who get paychecks they can then use to pay bills and feed their families, which sounds like stimulus to me. Oh, but it will also end up saving the taxpayers money on fuel to heat and cool those buildings, so we could use the money to do other things. And then there's the added bonus that we won't be wasn't that energy anymore. Like he said - how is this a bad idea?

He basically just laid it out there, step by step. In the half hour I've been watching he's done that over and over. Someone asks a question and he takes them through the answer step by step (except on Iran, because he totally didn't want to answer that one).

I'm reading my book and listening with half an ear but I keep glancing up at the TV because something is different. Something has changed. It's more than the fact that we have a President who can talk in complete sentences without bumbling and shuffling and whinig about how it's hard. It's that I'm hearing something out of Washington that I haven't heard in a damn long time...

what's that sound?

Logic.

I'm just sayin'...

I had my good eye to the darkness...

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 00:39:00 +0000

and my blind eye to the sun...

I hate being sick-it gives me too much time to think. I can’t really do anything else. I’ve read all the books I own and I don’t have the energy to get myself to the library. I’ve seen all the movies I own and don’t really feel like watching them again. There isn’t anything on TV that holds my interest, so I take some NyQuil , put in a West Wing DVD and doze.

I’m a horrible patient, even for myself, and this round of sickness – a head cold that I’ve had three times in as many months, is straining my relationship with me. My mind skips in fits and starts across my past and my dreams become disturbing, filled with images that make no sense and leave me questioning myself when I wake.

Whoever came up with that “sticks and stones” nonsense should be shot, because it just isn’t true. Years ago he told me that I was insane and should be committed and I have never been able to shake the sound of his voice saying those words from my head. They tainted all the wonderful memories of his voice before them. Even though I know it isn’t true. Even though I know that everything he said then was a palliative to make it easier for him to excuse kicking me onto the street, literally, those words crop up again when I am at my most vulnerable. They make me want to tell all of his secrets to the people he loves. They make me want to hurt him. They make me realize why victims of crime should never sit on a jury.

Then I think about Nicole andVal and Susan and how alike they are. Do I attract a certain type of friend? Nicole in high school, Susan in college, Val now. I’d be fine with it except for the fact that I seem to have to lose one to move on to the next. I miss you, Susan, just not the person I was when I knew you. I doubt that you miss me.

I remember driving down a winding coastal two lane highway late at night in SC and thinking about turning the wheel into the path of the truck coming towards me. I remember thinking that it was a beautiful night to die. Instead I drove home. Still, I doubt I’ll ever drive to Edisto Island again.

Listening to Working on a Dream now sends me back to the nights I stayed up for hours playing The Rising over and over again. So much happened in my life in 2001 that by the time I got that album in 2002 it seemed almost like a lifeline; Bruce’s voice and the bands’ music pulling me up and out of the darkness more than the shrink or the meds. It was not abstract, that music was something firm that I could hold on to when everything around me turned to quicksand.

The days are racing towards my 30^th birthday and my last cigarette. It feels like someone dying slowly – every day is a goodbye.

My life is presenting me with so many opportunities to live up to the things I preach. I’m not sure I have the energy to do it all sometimes. Other times I wish I could skip ahead, through the next few months which I am sure will be hard and full of tests and trials. Then again I think that I have everything I need to move forward and that each moment, especially the hardest of them, should be savoured.

Sometimes I look at how far I’ve come and I cry for where I was then, and how far I have to go. Sometimes I look back in anger. Sometimes I look forward with fear. Sometimes I don’t look, I just walk on.

kevin mckidd

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 04:13:00 +0000

maybe it's my latent Scottish blood...but all I can say is... yum! (I am so glad he's talented so I don't feel quite so sleazy)

Really people, go get Rome...or just start watching Grey's Anatomy... or find some Journeyman episodes, or BBC TV...google the man, please!

it's just a little crush

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 01:21:00 +0000

I mean it's not like he's Kevin McKidd or anything (I really have to get a handle on that - celeb crushes are so weird to me!) but I have a crush on this guy.

He lives at the apartment complex where I work and I've talked to him maybe a handful of times, mostly about apartment stuff. I don't know him. But I like him. I get butterflies when he walks in the door. When I found out about the fire my first thought was that it was in his building and was he ok (he was). Then tonight he told me that he's headed to Afghanistan soon (he's in the Air Force).

Now here's the thing - or things:
Even if he wasn't going overseas I could never actually date him because he lives at my job - it's a big no-no...
And I have no idea if he's even seeing anyone...
And I'm horrible at flirting with guys I actually like...
And he could not be attracted to me or interested in getting to know me at all...
And I am waay too old to have a crush. This is not high school.

But - I like the fact that on any given day I could see him. I like the fact that he's just there, you know? And soon he won't be.

Soon he'll be going to a place where I've lost too many people that I care about already. So, even though I don't know him, I'll miss him and I'll worry about him. I'll hope that he's ok. Until he leaves I'll keep hoping to see him come through the door and smile at me. And I'll keep thinking in my silly, girly heart...maybe...

For tonight I'm listening to Bruce, looking up a vodka we talked about tonight on 'teh internets' and playing Jewel Quest on my computer like the dork I am.

But tomorrow maybe I'll see him...maybe...

* In comments - anyone else out there with a hopeless crush? Any advice for me on mine?

bad super bowl commercials come to life

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 01:26:00 +0000

TACO BELL, ANYONE?

I have never even pretended to understand men. It’s a silly thing to try to do. Understanding the people in your life is a worthy goal, as long as you know that it is only attainable to a certain degree. Understanding a group, however, is completely ridiculous.

I’m a fan of men. I like the way they walk, talk, smell and taste. I like the way they never think I can play poker as well as they can – and so does my wallet. I like the way they try to protect me and they way they can sometimes drive me even more insane than I usually am. I do not, ever, pretend to understand them or how testosterone poisoning actually works.

If it isn’t obvious already, I met a guy last night. I went to a Super Bowl party at a friend’s house and was talking about my new puppy (who I’ve decided to name Bartlet). I mentioned that I told Mama G to get ready for her Grand Puppy because he just may be the only grand she gets and this sparked a whole round of, “But don’t you want kids?” and “But you’d be such a great mom!” These things are true – I will be a fantastic mom and I do want kids but as I said last night, “Where is he? Is he hiding in a cabinet somewhere (we were in the kitchen)? Because I am NOT the turkey baster type.”

Fate, with whom I’ve never had a great relationship in the first place, decided to play a little joke on me. In walked Terry. Terry is yummy – that’s really all there is to it. He’s 35, not as tall as I’d like, but shoulders... really, just...shoulders. Anyway we chatted, because I am quite yummy myself and Terry was interested.

But here’s the thing, minions (especially you single male minions) we are not in high school! Do not try to be smooth or cute. If you want my phone number take a chance and ask me. I realize it’s not the easiest thing to do in the world, but grow a pair and speak up. DO NOT ask to see my cell phone and then just call yourself from it. First of all, I still have a SC phone number, so you just look like an idiot when it doesn’t work and second WE ARE NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL. Use your words children.

It isn’t the fact that he texted me five times today when I was busy at work and then decided to call me when I didn’t respond to any of them that bugs me(well, maybe a little), it’s still the attitude from last night. Was it Chris Rock that said that a woman knows within five seconds of meeting a man whether or not she’s going to sleep with him and all he can do at that point is fuck it up for himself? I think it was and I think truer words may never have been spoken.

In any case, Terry now has a hole to dig himself out of. I’m not quite sure how interested I am now in the light of sober/hungover day but we’ll see. So guys please, just be yourselves – we’ll either like you or we won’t. Don’t try to be smooth. Ask for what you want, don’t assume, because unless your name is Kevin McKidd you are just not attractive enough to get away with that shiggity.

And completely off topic, I have no idea where my fascination with KMK came from. I’ve never been attracted to anyone who looks even remotely like him. The whole red hair, blue eyes, pale skin combo is SO not my cup of tea. The man just has something. Go get Rome or check him out on Grey’s Anatomy and maybe you can explain it to me. In the meantime I’ll just enjoy:-).

of snobs and bosses

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 00:47:00 +0000

I’d like to have a blog like www.blacksnob.com. I’d like to have The Snob’s wit, time, know how and dedication to her blog. I’d like to be able to scour the web and bring a fresh (snobby) take on everything from TJ Holmes’ cuteness to the latest legislation coming out of DC. That would be awesome.

Instead I’m a dedicated reader of The Snob. She cracks me up on a regular basis and I LOVE her new site – there’s just so much more Snob now and that is exactly what the world needs. Or maybe it’s just what I need and really, isn’t that the same thing? I’m fine with my blog and I adore my minions, you know that. But every once in a while... blogousy rears its’ ugly head. All this is the long way of saying that The Black Snob has launched a new site which is completely fantastic and you should all go, minions, and read her articles, post comments and start your own threads on her boards. Have a great time!

Now – as much as I’m no super blogger I am REALLY not a music critic or a musician either. I did the requisite piano lessons as a child and I’ve noodled around on the sax and guitar, but I’m no Bruce. Fortunately for us all Bruce Springsteen has a new record out, Working on a Dream. I grew up on Bruce, not because of one of my sisters or parents, but because I was a radio junky and he ruled rock radio in the 80’s. We went our separate ways in the 90’s. And then The Rising came out and it was like he had written that record just for me. I still can’t fully express how much those songs touched me and helped me heal after the hell my life was in 2001-2002. Magic seemed like the perfect follow up record and again Bruce was sitting somewhere writing songs just for me (he’s totally a minion, folks). Was there any way that this new record could really create the perfect trilogy? Can you hit three home runs in a row?

If you want the info from someone who actually knows what they’re talking about on a musical level buy the latest issue of Rolling Stone and you can read all about it. If you want to figure it all out for yourself listen to The Rising, Magic and Working on a Dream in that order. Maybe you’ll feel, as I did, so acutely grateful for this life and its wonders and how few minutes you really have left to live. It’s a painful joy and a beautiful regret.

All this is the long way of saying that Bruce and E Street have hit three home runs in a row. Let them show you what love can do.

ps - Shaun likes me! He really likes me! (He and DFC obviously have fantastic taste)

On My Honor

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 02:16:00 +0000

The Girl Scout Law

I will do my best to be
honest and fair,
friendly and helpful,
considerate and caring,
courageous and strong, and
responsible for what I say and do,
and to respect myself and others,
respect authority,
use resources wisely,
make the world a better place, and
be a sister to every Girl Scout.

The Girl Scouts of America will be selling fewer cookies this year. It was announced that the boxes will be shrunk by about a centimetre but will cost the same as a response to the rising prices of ingredients, most of which have risen 10-40%.

I have really great memories of my time as a Girl Scout. I always hated selling the cookies, but loved eating them with my friends at meetings, or with my mom (straight out of the freezer), or with the girls at Camp Congaree, where I worked for two summers.

When I first saw the article about the GS financial troubles I thought of the jokes people would immediately make and then I thought about lemons. Working at the camp over the summers you develop some strange eating habits – it’s called survival. A box of Lemon Cremes that’s been in the back of the freezer for a couple of days with some industrial strength institutional powdered lemonade over ice – THAT will cool you off and make the chirping, screeching and general whininess of 7-12 year old girls easier to bear.

Those cookies are actually magic, you know. They keep girls off the street and empower them. They impart knowledge and build friendships. They let girls who would never be able to afford a sleep away camp experience the freedom and camaraderie of a week away from it all. They give broke college students summer jobs and teachers extra income. They grant scholarships and passports so that girls can explore the world and their own possibilities. If you think I’m exaggerating please go to the website www.girlscouts.org.

Girls Scout cookies gave me late night stomach aches with my best friends while we fought over which New Kid On The Block we would marry. They gave me horseback riding, a faith in myself and two heroes all in one week. They saw me through many late night readings of Shakespeare. When Stone died I was eating Thin Mints while I cried, glued to the TV. When I needed money for a trip to Scotland to perform at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival they gave me a summer job where I could carry on a legacy and become a hero. They took me white water rafting and turned a girl from New Zealand into my twin.

So even though the boxes will be smaller the power is undiminished. Buy a cookie. No matter what we told the girls who still would not be quiet at one a.m. they are NOT made out of real girls, but many real girls have been made from those cookies.
* I wrote this and then couldn't get this song out of my head...so here you go, one of my favorite super cheesy campsongs:

Chorus :
On my honor, I will try.
There's a duty to be done and I say aye.
There's a reason to be here for a reason above.
My honor is to try and my duty is to love.

People don't need to know my name.
If I've done any harm, then I'm to blame.
If I've helped someone, then I've helped me.
And I've opened up my eyes to see.

Chorus

I've tucked away a song or two.
If you're feeling low, there's one for you.
If you need a friend, then I will come.
And there's many mmore where I come from.

Chorus

Friendship is the strangest thing
if you keep it to yourself, no reward will bring
but you gave it away, you gave it to me
and from now on great friends we'll be

Chorus

Come with me where the fire burns bright,
We can even see better by the candle's light.
And we'll find moremeaning in a campfire's glod,
Than we've ever found in a year or so.

Chorus

We've a promise to always keep.
And to pray "Softley Falls" before we sleep.
We are Girl Scouts together and when we're gone,
We'll still be trying and singing this song.

People have called me naive. They have asked me how I can be so educated and still have rose colored glasses on; how I can get so angry and still be so hopeful. Well - these are some of the things I was taught as a child. Songs like On My Honor and things like the Girl Scout Law were taught to me by young women who were cool, sure of themselves and their power. They showed me that I was cool, that I was powerful and that service was cool and could be powerful as well.

It might be strange to have all of these feelings brought up by an article about cookies but it's the little things, I guess, that do it to me. In this case I started thinking about the box of Lemon Cremes in my freezer at home and ended up thinking about the amazing women and girls I've me through scouting - and how they changed my life.

First Day Back

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 00:46:00 +0000

Its’ seven o’clock and I just got home from work. I’m tired and I’m still fighting this head cold thingy but my first thought on getting in the car and heading towards home was: ‘I wonder how school went?’ This morning when I was in the shower and bitching to myself about having to go into work when I’m sick and exhausted I thought: ‘The girls have to go to school today, suck it up.’

I have never been a celebrity stalker type. I don’t read the mags and I’m usually the last person to know who got married/divorced/knocked up, etc. Part of this is because at one time I thought I’d end up being a celebrity and that whole ‘do unto others’ thing stuck with me and part of it is because I really couldn’t care less. As talented or beautiful or whatever as they may be they aren’t my family or friends and their lives have no bearing on mine. I also cannot see in any way how this is news. I believe that privacy is an absolute right and that most people’s personal lives are not as interesting as whatever I’m thinking about at the moment. My personal taste and arrogance has thus far kept most famous people safe from my prying eyes.

But I’d like to know how Sasha and Malia’s first day back at school was. I’m one of those people who would have crashed the J Crew website if I had a young girl to buy clothes for because those outfits were just too cute. I could totally rock pink and orange by the way – even if I am no longer an adorable seven year old.

So what is it about these two little girls who didn’t run

for anything or ask for anything more than a puppy, and certainly not all of this attention? I see some of myself in them, of course. I was precocious and my parents (especially my father) delighted in my wit. I was also usually the one who got to take him down a peg with some joke, or by being bored by some speech he was giving (though never on the national stage). I also remember my parents looking at each other like that when I was little and dancing like that.

They’re also like the children I hope to have.

Maybe that is what it is. For all of his talk of hope, and faith and confidence there is no physical symbol for that. Maybe when I look at them I see a reason to hope, because a world that made these two darlings surely can make itself worthy of them. I see a reason to have faith, for aren’t children the perfect proof that there is a God? And I see a reason for confidence – we have to do it, so we will, they are looking to their father, and all of us.

I don’t have a child of my own to see these things in, or wish things for and I catch only fleeting glimpses inside myself of the child that I was. I look at those girls and see all these things in an electric blue coat. It is too much to ask them to ever live up to. It is too much for any child to have to stand for and yet it is what they all do.

And so I must confess that I really want to know how school went today and I hope there was something warm and sweet waiting when they got home, because it was cold out there.

On The Mall... In The Crowd...

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 15:01:00 +0000

I wrote this last night and didn't post it... but now that I'm here, well, thanks Sarah for the use of your Blackberry!

I can’t sleep and I wonder if he’s able to sleep tonight. So any thoughts are running through my head that I can’t seem to catch more than glimpses of them in my mind’s peripheral vision.

What would my grandparents, all four of them have to say about this? Papoo would thank God, I’m sure. He would be in church tomorrow – after watching on TV. I think MeMe and Grumpy would think of their own sons, all that hope and promise broken by this country and feel somewhat heartened by the fact that someone made it through; that someone so like their own sons arrived whole and intact at the mountaintop (or at least the last base camp).

But what would my namesake think? I never got to know her, but I think she would be so proud. I think that she too, would be thinking of her son. Of the times he risked his life – in war, in marches, at the voting booth and on dark southern streets, so that this man he has barely met could rise this high.

I wonder if any of them would think of their own sacrifices; of the multiple full time jobs worked, of the times they did without food, clothing and medical care so that their children wouldn’t have to. I know these things as storied told by my parents, aunts and uncles. I don’t know them in a real way because that is not the life I have lived.

And so, in some fundamental way, we are separated by all they strove for. See, I live in a world where it is not only conceivable for a Black man to become President, it will happen in less than 10 hours. They are from a world where it was a dream and tomorrow will be a miracle.

Lately it seems that the Hope mantra has been transformed to Unity. I feel it. I think we all do. But I have felt, much more over the past two years than ever in my life, how our experiences separate us. Tomorrow (well, today really) I’ll get up at four in the morning and join the crowds in the streets to wait for hours to see the culmination of something that began over 300 years ago when the first enslaved Africans were brought to this country. It will also be the beginning of something entirely new.

It is almost too much. I am glad that I won’t be with my father for that moment – because I think that it should be wholly his and wholly mine. This is something we can only share by being apart. I will know that he is in the crowd and I will remember the last time we were in DC together ... it was the 30^th anniversary of the March on Washington. He went to the first one with my sister who was just a little girl at the time. She’ll be in crowd too.

My cousins from CA will be there. True Cape Verdean Americans, proud of their African heritage, still cooking the food and speaking the polyglot Portugese of the Islands – they have a special connection to the new President, being not just Black and White, but African and White. Maybe we’ll catch glimpses of each other.

Will I see people I know? Maybe. But as unified as we all will be by the momentous occasion, the work left to be done and the knowledge of the long, long way we’ve come I like to think that I’ll be anonymous in that crowd. I am just me, here, at this point in my journey taking a moment to really see and absorb the moment. And you are just you. What I feel at this moment more than anything is an immense respect for all the many and varied roads that have lead each of us here. I am content to stand on mine, look across at you on yours and smile.

Let our rejoicing rise

High as the listening skies,

Let us march on,

Til Victory is won.

Some Words From Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 16:59:00 +0000

*"Give Us The Ballot" speech made at the Prayer Pilgrimage For Freedom, May 17, 1957 Washington, DC

Mr. Chairman, distinguished platform associates, fellow Americans. Three years ago the Supreme Court of this nation rendered in simple, eloquent, and unequivocal language a decision which will long be stenciled on the mental sheets of succeeding generations. For all men of goodwill, this May seventeenth decision came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of human captivity. It came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of disinherited people throughout the world who had dared only to dream of freedom.

Unfortunately, this noble and sublime decision has not gone without opposition. This opposition has often risen to ominous proportions. Many states have risen up in open defiance. The legislative halls of the South ring loud with such words as "interposition" and "nullification."
But even more, all types of conniving methods are still being used to prevent Negroes from becoming registered voters. The denial of this sacred right is a tragic betrayal of the highest mandates of our democratic tradition. And so our most urgent request to the president of the United States and every member of Congress is to give us the right to vote.

Give us the ballot, and we will no longer have to worry the federal government about our basic rights.

Give us the ballot , and we will no longer plead to the federal government for passage of an anti-lynching law; we will by the power of our vote write the law on the statute books of the South and bring an end to the dastardly acts of the hooded perpetrators of violence.

Give us the ballot , and we will transform the salient misdeeds of bloodthirsty mobs into the calculated good deeds of orderly citizens.

Give us the ballot , and we will fill our legislative halls with men of goodwill and send to the sacred halls of Congress men who will not sign a "Southern Manifesto" because of their devotion to the manifesto of justice.

Give us the ballot , and we will place judges on the benches of the South who will do justly and love mercy , and we will place at the head of the southern states governors who will, who have felt not only the tang of the human, but the glow of the Divine.

Give us the ballot , and we will quietly and nonviolently, without rancor or bitterness, implement the Supreme Court's decision of May seventeenth, 1954.

In this juncture of our nation's history, there is an urgent need for dedicated and courageous leadership. If we are to solve the problems ahead and make racial justice a reality, this leadership must be fourfold.

First, there is need for strong, aggressive leadership from the federal government. So far, only the judicial branch of the government has evinced this quality of leadership. If the executive and legislative branches of the government were as concerned about the protection of our citizenship rights as the federal courts have been, then the transition from a segregated to an integrated society would be infinitely smoother. But we so often look to Washington in vain for this concern. In the midst of the tragic breakdown of law and order, the executive branch of the government is all too silent and apathetic. In the midst of the desperate need for civil rights legislation, the legislative branch of the government is all too stagnant and hypocritical.

This dearth of positive leadership from the federal government is not confined to one particular political party. Both political parties have betrayed the cause of justice. The Democrats have betrayed it by capitulating to the prejudices and undemocratic practices of the southern Dixiecrats. The Republicans have betrayed it by capitulating to the blatant hypocrisy of right wing, reactionary northerners. These men so often have a high blood pressure of words and an anemia of deeds.

In the midst of these prevailing conditions, we come to Washington today pleading with the president and members of Congress to provide a strong, moral, and courageous leadership for a situation that cannot permanently be evaded. We come humbly to say to the men in the forefront of our government that the civil rights issue is not an Ephemeral, evanescent domestic issue that can be kicked about by reactionary guardians of the status quo; it is rather an eternal moral issue which may well determine the destiny of our nation in the ideological struggle with communism. The hour is late. The clock of destiny is ticking out. We must act now, before it is too late.

A second area in which there is need for strong leadership is from the white northern liberals. There is a dire need today for a liberalism which is truly liberal. What we are witnessing today in so many northern communities is a sort of quasi-liberalism which is based on the principle of looking sympathetically at all sides. It is a liberalism so bent on seeing all sides, that it fails to become committed to either side. It is a liberalism that is so objectively analytical that it is not subjectively committed. It is a liberalism which is neither hot nor cold, but lukewarm. We call for a liberalism from the North which will be thoroughly committed to the ideal of racial justice and will not be deterred by the propaganda and subtle words of those who say: "Slow up for a while; you're pushing too fast."

A third source that we must look to for strong leadership is from the moderates of the white South. It is unfortunate that at this time the leadership of the white South stems from the close-minded reactionaries. These persons gain prominence and power by the dissemination of false ideas and by deliberately appealing to the deepest hate responses within the human mind. It is my firm belief that this close-minded, reactionary, recalcitrant group constitutes a numerical minority. There are in the white South more open-minded moderates than appears on the surface. These persons are silent today because of fear of social, political and economic reprisals. God grant that the white moderates of the South will rise up courageously, without fear, and take up the leadership in this tense period of transition.

I cannot close without stressing the urgent need for strong, courageous and intelligent leadership from the Negro community. We need a leadership that is calm and yet positive. This is no day for the rabble-rouser, whether he be Negro or white. We must realize that we are grappling with the most weighty social problem of this nation, and in grappling with such a complex problem there is no place for misguided emotionalism. We must work passionately and unrelentingly for the goal of freedom, but we must be sure that our hands are clean in the struggle. We must never struggle with falsehood, hate, or malice. We must never become bitter. I know how we feel sometime. There is the danger that those of us who have been forced so long to stand amid the tragic midnight of oppression--those of us who have been trampled over, those of us who have been kicked about--there is the danger that we will become bitter. But if we will become bitter and indulge in hate campaigns, the old, the new order which is emerging will be nothing but a duplication of the old order.

We must meet hate with love. We must meet physical force with soul force. There is still a voice crying out through the vista of time, saying: "Love your enemies , bless them that curse you , pray for them that despitefully use you." Then, and only then, can you matriculate into the university of eternal life. That same voice cries out in terms lifted to cosmic proportions: "He who lives by the sword will perish by the sword." And history is replete with the bleached bones of nations that failed to follow this command. We must follow nonviolence and love.
Now, I'm not talking about a sentimental, shallow kind of love. I'm not talking about eros, which is a sort of aesthetic, romantic love. I'm not even talking about philia which is a sort of intimate affection between personal friends. But I'm talking about agape. I'm talking about the love of God in the hearts of men. I'm talking about a type of love which will cause you to love the person who does the evil deed while hating the deed that the person does. We've got to love.
There is another warning signal. We talk a great deal about our rights, and rightly so. We proudly proclaim that three-fourths of the peoples of the world are colored. We have the privilege of noticing in our generation the great drama of freedom and independence as it unfolds in Asia and Africa. All of these things are in line with the unfolding work of Providence. But we must be sure that we accept them in the right spirit. We must not seek to use our emerging freedom and our growing power to do the same thing to the white minority that has been done to us for so many centuries. Our aim must never be to defeat or humiliate the white man. We must not become victimized with a philosophy of black supremacy. God is not interested merely in freeing black men and brown men and yellow men, but God is interested in freeing the whole human race. We must work with determination to create a society , not where black men are superior and other men are inferior and vice versa, but a society in which all men will live together as brothers , and respect the dignity and worth of human personality.

We must also avoid the temptation of being victimized with a psychology of victors. We have won marvelous victories. Through the work of the NAACP, we have been able to do some of the most amazing things of this generation. And I come this afternoon with nothing, nothing but praise for this great organization, the work that it has already done and the work that it will do in the future. And although they're outlawed in Alabama and other states, the fact still remains that this organization has done more to achieve civil rights for Negroes than any other organization we can point to. Certainly, this is fine.

But we must not, however, remain satisfied with a court victory over our white brothers. We must respond to every decision with an understanding of those who have opposed us and with an appreciation of the difficult adjustments that the court orders pose for them. We must act in such a way as to make possible a coming together of white people and colored people on the basis of a real harmony of interest and understanding. We must seek an integration based on mutual respect.

I conclude by saying that each of us must keep faith in the future. Let us not despair. Let us realize that as we struggle for justice and freedom, we have cosmic companionship. This is the long faith of the Hebraic-Christian tradition: that God is not some Aristotelian Unmoved Mover who merely contemplates upon Himself. He is not merely a self-knowing God, but an other-loving God forever working through history for the establishment of His kingdom.
And those of us who call the name of Jesus Christ find something of an event in our Christian faith that tells us this. There is something in our faith that says to us, "Never despair; never give up; never feel that the cause of righteousness and justice is doomed." There is something in our Christian faith, at the center of it, which says to us that Good Friday may occupy the throne for a day, but ultimately it must give way to the triumphant beat of the drums of Easter. There is something in our faith that says evil may so shape events that Caesar will occupy the palace and Christ the cross , but one day that same Christ will rise up and split history into A.D. and B.C. , so that even the name, the life of Caesar must be dated by his name. There is something in this universe which justifies Carlyle in saying: "No lie can live forever." There is something in this universe which justifies William Cullen Bryant in saying: "Truth crushed to earth will rise again." There is something in this universe which justifies James Russell Lowell in saying:

Truth forever on the scaffold,

Wrong forever on the throne.

Yet that scaffold sways the future,

And behind the dim unknown Stands God ,

within the shadow, Keeping watch above His own.

Go out with that faith today. Go back to your homes in the Southland to that faith, with that faith today. Go back to Philadelphia, to New York, to Detroit and Chicago with that faith today: that the universe is on our side in the struggle. Stand up for justice. Sometimes it gets hard, but it is always difficult to get out of Egypt, for the Red Sea always stands before you with discouraging dimensions. And even after you've crossed the Red Sea, you have to move through a wilderness with prodigious hilltops of evil and gigantic mountains of opposition. But I say to you this afternoon: Keep moving. Let nothing slow you up. Move on with dignity and honor and respectability.

I realize that it will cause restless nights sometime. It might cause losing a job; it will cause suffering and sacrifice. It might even cause physical death for some. But if physical death is the price that some must pay to free their children from a permanent life of psychological death , then nothing can be more Christian. Keep going today. Keep moving amid every obstacle. Keep moving amid every mountain of opposition. If you will do that with dignity , when the history books are written in the future, the historians will have to look back and say, "There lived a great people. A people with 'fleecy locks and black complexion,' but a people who injected new meaning into the veins of civilization ; a people which stood up with dignity and honor and saved Western civilization in her darkest hour; a people that gave new integrity and a new dimension of love to our civilization." When that happens, "the morning stars will sing together , and the sons of God will shout for joy."

sniffle

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 16:48:00 +0000

It's snowing.

I'm at work.

I've got a head cold (again).

I'm packing up my germs and taking them to DC with me for the Inauguration. So, let me apologize now to the millions of people I might infect with my sniffles, but there is NO WAY I will not be in that crowd.

Most of the family of G (both sides) will be there, but I doubt I'll see any of them in the multitudes. Still, I'll be with my family, in many senses of the word, as we celebrate this great new beginning and hopefully many of them will be there, like me, to rededicate themselves to this Republic, its ideals and the melding of the two.

Until then I'll sniffle my way through work and the hellish drive to DC. Have a wonderful weekend, minions, Happy MLK Day and Happy Inauguration Day.

*special MLK post coming tomorrow...

Change Me

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 23:47:00 +0000

It’s been too hard livin’,

But I’m afraid to die,

I don’t know what’s up there,

Beyond the sky...

Well, minions, I promised you a real post today and here it is. Our theme, it seems, for the last little while and the next has been and will be change. OK. Well let’s talk about how I’m going to change the world. I’m starting with actual change, coins that is. I’m not trying to shill for anything here, but Bank of America’s Keep the Change program is pretty awesome for someone like me who has trouble putting money away. Somewhere around $50-75 a month goes into my savings account just because they round up my purchases on my debit card. I use Part Tim Bloggers .01 trick – whenever I can I make sure that the charge comes to .01 in change so that I’m socking away.99 without even feeling it. It’s the without feeling it part that is important to me because in the never ending battle of want now vs. Will need later now seems to usually win out. So BOA helps me trick myself.

I thought that could probably work with actual coinage as well so I’ve been dumping my change each night into an old coffee can. At the end of each month I’ll go to a Coin Star machine in one of the grocery stores I go to and convert that into a donation to a local charity – or into cash if I’m not excited by the charities listed at the Coin Star, which will then be donated on my own. Simple, easy way to support the causes I care about even though I’m not swimming in money.

Now here’s the big change: Years ago I promised myself that I would quit smoking when I either got pregnant or turned 30, whichever came first. Well, I’m not pregnant, but I’ll hit the big 30 in April. The thing is that I don’t really want to quit, which seems to me a pretty huge stumbling block to the promise. On the other hand I am consciously trying every day not to lie to myself, so this is a promise I need to keep. This isn’t about my health or saving money – pictures of black lungs, thoughts of $1,000’s wasted and even the memories of my grandmother’s death from emphysema don’t stack up against my habit. Smoking keeps me from feeling bored and alone. The obvious answer is that I need a life – which I’m working on as well. You have to be the change you wish to see in the world, isn’t that it? So I’m becoming a person who loves myself more and treats myself better. I’m breaking it down –

· I’m cleaning house, literally. Since I’m moving to an awesome apartment soon I’m going through everything I have and throwing away the useless, giving away the unwanted and selling on eBay the things that might pay for movers.

· I’m getting back to eating better by making weekly menus and shopping for healthy +chocolate. Let’s be realistic, I need the chocolate like you regular people need air.

I’m not beating myself up about the fact that I don’t work out. When I move to the apt with the free gym right next door I will. Until then I’m giving myself a break. No more lying to me – i.e. taking gym clothes to work with a plan to do it and then letting myself down. It’s time for some loving realism, minions.
I’m reading up about my puppy. I’ll be creating my own family and I’m excited. This is something completely selfish and new for me. This isn’t about what anyone else thinks but about what I want.
I’m picking out the colors for my new apartment. For years I’ve been hiding in an apt I hate as a punishment for something I never did wrong. That’s over. I’m thinking chocolate brown and blue. I’ll post color samples soon.
Let it go has become my new motto for when the mean thoughts about myself and others start to creep in. I don’t forgive really, myself or others – it isn’t really in me. This only hurts me so I’m trying to learn to let things go.
People who love me are not inherently stupid, evil or wrong. They have not been duped. Eventually I’ll get that.
I’m going to bed each night with the expectation that something amazing will happen the next day. Eventually it will.

I can’t focus on quitting smoking because I’m not a follow through kind of gal, minions. So if I focus on my making my life a happier, warmer, more loving place to exist (and through the use of gum, lozenges and patches) I can create a life that just doesn’t have smoking in it. Replace boredom with contentment and watch the smoke dissipate.

In May or June I’ll start focusing on how best to use my time to help my community again. Until then, “Doctor, heal thyself.”

Thought I oughta’ talk to my brother,

I said brother could you help me please,

Then I went to my own mother,

I said Mama, Mama I’m down on my knees,

There were times that I thought I couldn’t last for long,

Somehow I’ve been able to just about carry on,

It’s been a long, long time comin’ but I know,

A change gon’ come,

Oh yes it will.

There will be blood tonight!

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 18:37:00 +0000

And a real post tomorrow, I promise.

In the meantime - some things to ponder -

How is it that I only like about four TV shows and they keep getting put on the same night and time? I call bullshit.

What made me think I could pull a 70 hour work week after being home in SC on my last days off? I'm an idiot.

I'm really thinking about this whole living with intention thing. Can you really make yourself lucky? Can you train your mind to open itself to luck? Why am I reading O Magazine? Dude.

Speaking of which - more Americans would rather live next door to Sarah Palin than Oprah. Weird. I'd rather live next door to Kevin McKidd. Yum.

So, you minions think about those precious little nuggets and I'll get back to you tomorrow after I've slept a damn long time.

Begin...

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 15:26:00 +0000

...as you mean to go on. There's a theory that the thing you're doing at midnight influences the rest of your year.

I began 2009 at a rock show in a bar with my friends; drinking, dancing like idiots and giggling like little kids. If that can happen more this year than it did last year that would be great. So here's to 2009 - the year of fun and friends!

*yes, he is wearing a velvet riding helmet, no, i do not know why and no, there was no riding crop with it...that i saw...

Colonel Mustard and the Condiments

The hottest C of C Alums

...EVER!

'n stuff

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 19:34:00 +0000

For Christmas I watched all of season four of Grey's Anatomy on DVD, ate a lot of pasta, slept and ignored my phone. Good Times.

One day someone will get me The West Wing: The Complete Series on DVD. It will happen. G has faith.

Val gave me the best present EVER: Vodka! Actually, since she is a true friend she combined my favorite thing about the South (sweet tea) with Vodka and gave me Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka, which is actually distilled about 25 mins from Papa g's house 9begging the question: Why did papa G never tell me about this?!?!). Look for it in liquor stores nationwide minions and drink a toast to me: http://www.fireflyvodka.com/

Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka is the distillery's newest product on the market. The product is an infusion of American Tea and Firefly Vodka. Firefly Distillery is proud to bring true southern products to the marketplace. (70 proof)Firefly Muscadine Wine Flavored Vodka. The inspiration for a muscadine wine flavored vodka came from the 11.5 acres of vineyard where the distillery is located. As the muscadine grape is native to the South, Firefly is a southern distillery. The muscadine infusion creates a smooth sippin' vodka that is easily imbibed. (80 proof)

I changed my mind on the Tibetan Terrier and decided to go with the Norfolk Terrier. I put down a deposit and my puppy will be born in April. (Yes, a deposit. There was also an interview. No. I'm not kidding.) In the meantime, here are some pics of his cousins! What is cuter? NOTHING!

Someone needs to send Monty to the store for Snickerdoodle cookies before I tear my hair out from sheer shock and disbelief.
Maybe there should be a re-minionification program...
Coming soon - why are there no bakeries where you can get blondies, but all of them have brownies???
Oh yeah, I'll be in Chucktown for New Year's Eve... Colonel Mustard and The Condiments will be playing the Beer Works if any of you want to come hang with Mama G and I. Or you can just wait for the hangover stories when I get back... either way...

meh

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 19:08:00 +0000

The Great Snickerdoodle Pronouncement has apparently created some dissension in the ranks. There are minions who think it is permissible to disagree with me. Of course they will be dealt with swiftly ... and never heard from again.

In the meantime here's a little something to ponder: Thursday morning I drove 188 miles to Raleigh, NC (Go Wolfpack!) for a training thingy for work. Thursday night I took in a Hurricanes game (they won. i am such good luck!) with Val and her fam in their super swanky seats (free food+free drinks= happy g). This morning I drove 216 miles to get back to work back here in VA by 9am. Here's the question, minions?

WHY DID I NOT TAKE TODAY OFF???

* answer: g just isn't too smart sometimes.

no, seriously

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 23:25:00 +0000

What is better than a Snickerdoodle?
There I was in the cookie aisle, looking for something to bring to the Cookie Swap at work tomorrow (which is a great, cheap holiday party idea for anyone still looking for one) and feeling guilty because there is no way my still-plague-riddled body is going to bake tonight when I saw before me Pepperidge Farm Snickerdoodles. There was only one bag left and I snatched it up like a New Yorker at a sample sale. I also bought two other kinds to take to the swap but the Snickerdoodles are all mine.

Yummy, soft, chewy cinnamon goodness that makes the entire world seem right eve if it isn't. Do you want to know the best dessert in the history of desserts? Take a Snickerdoodle (or two) and put it in an ice cream bowl and pop it in the microwave for a few seconds, then top it off with Caramel Dolce de Leche Haagen Daaz and prepare to forget your troubles.

I mean that is some serious yum. I know this may not seem like a deep thought I'm sharing here, minions, but on a dark cold winter night this is some serious comfort. Cinnamon is a holiday flavor for me and Snickerdoodles have always been holiday cookies to me. This year I won't be home for Christmas, but I will have snickerdoodles and ice cream and all will be right with the world.

On another serious note - I bought my Christmas present to myself today - Civilization IV, so if you don't hear from me for a while it's because I have abandoned you all to create and rule my own nation of minions. It's not that I don't love you all, it's just taht your Goddess G is a big dork.

no more shiggity*

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 02:11:00 +0000

*If you aren't a regular Tom Joyner Morning Show listener you may not know that shiggity= shit.
**this is really long...too bad, read it anyway

I have been fighting with my mother lately. She hasn't been fighting with me I have been fighting with her, or rather with everything she has done in the past few years that hurt me that I never called her on, so of course she never stopped doing it and I never stopped getting hurt. And why was I doing this? Because after Papa G dropped the bomb (Bonnie) on me a few years ago I felt like I needed to protect my mother (from what? everything. nothing. everything no one had before. everything no one had protected me from). But I didn't protect anyone - I hurt myself and set her up to hurt me. I am so smooth. I've learned that there are all sorts of ways to lie to someone and not telling them what you need or when they hurt you can be one of the worst. Cross your fingers for us minions, ok?

So Pookie The Wonder Jetta and I are driving home tonight and I'm still fighting off the last dregs of this head cold (the damn thing has guerilla resistance fighters working for it, I swear) and all I really want is for the new Rolling Stone to be in my mailbox when I get home. It is (because i've got it like that) and I immediately wish for a million dollars to be in my mailbox. I'll keep you updated on that when I check it Monday.

Two things about RS: 1. There's an article about how Pres Shrub is fucking us over in his last days that mentions the change in environmental rules in West Va and I'm not one to brag but I totally beat RS to that story by MORE THAN A MONTH. Look it up minions, I kicked RS butt! *pause for happy dance*

There's also an article about real life super heroes. No, I'm not kidding. Men and women who dress up and patrol the streets of their cities fighting crime. In the end it comes down to how you see reality and the lengths you are willing to go to follow your dreams. At least that's what I choose to take out of it. (I just read The Watchmen and I really do not want to go into the eery similarities between the book and that article)

All of this rambling is prelude to this: I got the January O magazine today. Yes, the gift from Mama G that keeps on giving. Usually I just go straight to the recipies and the shoes, but this one had an article about how it is not a failure of will that keeps us from changing but rather an ironic act of self preservation. We protect ourselves right into danger. We have to give up some very deeply held beliefs in order to change. We have to kill off a part of ourselves. Now maybe its a bad part of you that needs to go - the self destructive impulse that keeps the pack of Marloboro Lights in my purse for example, but it's still a part of me and that part will fight to live. The article suggested a four step approach: Write down your goal, write down all the ways you usually shoot yourself in the foot when you try to reach it, then list all the reasons you shouldn't reach it. The thing is that those reasons are usually pretty logical. Then you have to trick yourself - start small: say no to one party and see that your friends really won't hate you for not showing up, delegate something small and see that the world really doesn't fall apart if you aren't running it, try to keep five pounds off for six months instead of fifty and see that you really can do it. I thought hmm...this makes sense. I've been (once again) protecting myself right into getting hurt. Well, at least I'm consistent.

I would follow all of those steps, but like I've said before, I suck at rule following. And the thing is that I think I'm doing a lot better right now than I was last year at this time. I am more honest with myself, my family and friends. I am in a better place financially. I am happier in my job. I am taking better care of Pookie The Wonder Jetta. So what I'm thinking my New Year's Resolution will be is to keep doing what I'm doing - trying to be less unhappy, trying to create joy in the world in my own little snarky way.

There are a couple of concrete things that I am working on:

I'm not volunteering for anything at all in any way for the first six months of the year. I tend to get too focused outward and let my life fall apart while I'm trying to help someone else. I am volunteering for myself for a while.

I will be completely out of debt by this time next year. C.O.M.P.L.E.T.E.L.Y.

There is no reason for me to be lonely. I know people and I know how to use a phone. I will stop being an idiot.

With my first bonus check of the new year I am signing up for at least three dating sites and I will accept at least one date a month from each of them for the first three months (unless I meet someone serious before the three months are up). I will also let my friends know that I'm up for blind dates. No more hiding in my house.

I'm getting a puppy for my birthday. I'm getting the puppy I want. I'm not listening to any puppy advice. I am getting what I want.

I am going to start spoiling myself. I am going to give myself more love, more fun, more health and more hugs. I'm going to give myself more chances at work, more time with people I love, more new things to learn, more VODKA, more challenges and more travel. I'm going to spoil myself rotten.

I'm going after my dream. ActionWorks will be a website by the end of this year. (more on that later)

people

noreply@blogger.com (G) — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 00:04:00 +0000

In the four days that I've been back at work I cannot even begin to estimate how many phone calls I've answered from people wanting to donate things to the victims of the fire. It has been a great comfort to all of the victims and to all of us in the community to know that our neighbors are there for us.

The Fire Marshal says hewon't have any answers for at least another week or two, and that's hard, but there is an apartment filled with donated clothing and a storage unit full of furniture. A company dropped off kitchen and bath supplies today and a woman came by with bags full of toiletries. A lot of these are people who are passing it on. People who's own friends and family were affected by Katrina or the Chesapeake tornado seemed to be the first ones stepping up.

Then there's the chief. You cansay whatever youwant about our men and women in uniform, Lord knows they aren't perfect (neither is the country they serve) but at times like this you gain awhole new appreciation for them. The Chief has a whole new wardrobe and his apartment has been fully outfitted. I mean he has everything from toilet paper to furniture. Every detail of a home that you can think of has been brought by the men and women of his ship. I wish I could give the name of the ship here, but I can't. You know who you are, if you're reading this. While I know that your generosity and loyalty has touched your Cheif, let me just say that it has inspired the entire community.

They didn't stop there. Once the Chief had everything he needed they kept giving, bringing items into the office for the other families. We are at the point now where we areasking people to donate to the Red Cross Disaster Fund or the SalvationArmy in the name of the victims.

We've also filled a box for Toys For Tots with all the overflow toys donated to the children who were victims of the fire. Next month we'll have a blood drive at the apartment community to thank the Red Cross for everything they've done. This tragedy has turned into something with gilt edges. While the loss of two children and their grandmother will never be made right I hope that they can see what has happened here. I hope that they see the love that their familyand friends have been wrapped in. I hope that brings them peace.

Thank you Hampton Roads, Thank you Virginia and North Carolina. We won't forget and we will do our best to pay it forward.