A wildflower in the wilderness

Goodbye forever

2011-11-21T07:06:00.003-05:00

I didn't do anything wrong to you... I left for a year to learn and study in Israel, because I don't understand who I am, religiously, personally...I left for my own sake. But this wasn't something you didn't know about. You knew, just as well as anyone else...actually, of all my friends, you knew first! So why was it that when I decided to pursue what was right, you decided that was the time to

Vayishlach

2010-11-17T15:11:00.002-05:00

Alright so while I know that I usually don't post about Torah portions on here, I thought this one was very...well, appropriate. Vayishlach is all about Jacob wrestling with Hashem, much like most of my peers I wrestle with many things. But my biggest challenge always seems to be with my roots, where I came from, the people I love even though I lack the ways to show it. For example, I will always

my vacation

2010-09-16T11:53:00.004-04:00

I never did manage to blog about my thoughts on my family's trip to Israel, so I thought I'd give it a shot....I've dreamed about my family in Israel with me, I've fantasized about leading them through the streets watching them take it all in. The things that were normal to me, and familiar becoming just as familiar and normal to them too. There are two moments that made that trip the most

Crying for a different reason

2010-08-28T14:57:00.004-04:00

Walking into that first classroom, just walking through the door, I nearly peed my pants. I'm serious, I had already locked myself out of my room and left the paper that had what room I was supposed to be at in my room. As I looked at the faces of the kids, I could have sworn everyone was glaring at me. I decided to trust my instincts and vote that it was my class. NEVER have I felt so scared, as

Accepted and lost....

2010-06-27T10:11:00.003-04:00

I got accepted. That moment that should have been filled with laughter and excitement my parents simply sat there and looked at me with blank expressions and said, "If that's what you want Heath." . I was excited, I was happy, I wanted a hug and to be told congratulations that I was accepted. I wanted some recognition that I'd done something right...or at least not something wrong....then my

Help?!?!?

2010-06-24T16:27:00.002-04:00

I'm losing reason's to wake up in the morning....today I woke up a full hour later then previously agreed to by my parents and I. I don't want to work, I kind of want to go to school, but I don't really want to do anything. I'm tired all day, I'm not abiding by the rules and talking...I hate talking it just brings on another fight and another reason for me to consider why not living is a better

Staring me in the face.

2010-06-10T09:10:00.003-04:00

What I thought was going to be a....interesting to say the least, concert ended up being the concert that I think I found myself the most. Nashama Carlebach, is probably one of the most amazing people I've ever heard sing, speak, be in the able to experience. I thought Jews couldn't do gospel, I know we've got soul but lets face it we're not usually any Jennifer Hudson's or Whitney Houston's! I

Art

2010-06-09T13:35:00.006-04:00

I thought I'd share my art, I love it and it's another way I express myself! The large big colorful one, took first place in my first art competition this year!

The Worst in the World

2010-06-09T12:04:00.002-04:00

I want to scream at him, I want to drive to his house and say to him "Look at me! Look how far I've come with out your help!" nearly 10 years....would you hold a grudge and not talk to someone for 10 years? I wouldn't it's stupid! how about against you child, I hope you think I'm crazy, if you do than I have faith in you that you won't do that. A few days ago my family got an e-mail from my

Not all here....

2010-06-08T18:24:00.000-04:00

I've been dead for so long it's hard for me to remember what it's like to live again......I'm not even sure when it first happened. But all of a sudden my daily life has become mainly getting yelled at. I'd love to say I'm not sure how I got into this place, but truth is I know exactly how I got here. Not even music brings me to life any more. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed do to get

What's the point?!!?

2010-02-07T12:04:00.002-05:00

After starting a research assignment in my English class about Photoshop and how its effected girls psychologically it disturbs me how much something can effect how someone perceives them self. Being someone who tends to swim in the opposite direction of the fashion trends, I wear shirts that aren't skin tight, and dare I say it?!?!? I don't wear make-up most days, and when I do it's

I will always love you

2010-02-07T11:31:00.003-05:00

It's over. 6 months came and went, they were bliss, even the things we fought over, even his traits that honestly I hated. I still love him for exactly who he is. It hurts...it hurts that I wasn't worth trying to fix the problems. It hurts that I wasn't worth enough to talk about it, instead he kept it bottled up, but he's no good at hiding anything so I knew something was up, but he'd still say

D'var Torah: Naso

2009-06-08T09:04:00.002-04:00

At 176 verses, Parsha Naso is the longest Torah portion of them all. It only seems fitting to me that I be allowed to speak on this parsha, as 4 1/2 months is the longest time I’ve ever been away from my family, on my own ever in my entire life. There are three main parts to Parsha Naso: the Nazarite laws; the Sotah; and the priestly blessing. I’m going to put most of these three things aside and

2009-05-31T08:20:00.001-04:00

This was my father's letter to me, sent right before I came back home...PreludeThe Kabalists tell us the story of creation through their mystical lens:Hashem, infused in every moleculespinning inside each atom and neutrino.The first act of creation was to make the nothingness,hanging holiness like lanterns to light the way.The spherote shattered in a-dam/dirtperson's first sinGodliness spilling,

T'shuva (Return)

2009-05-17T21:52:00.000-04:00

Outside in the warm Israeli summer air, the chatter of girls is all around me, sitting outside, trying to concentrate, trying to clear my thoughts. My head is distracted by thoughts of leaving. My heart is heavy, filled beyond capacity it seems with the the friendships that I know will be hard to keep in the weeks ahead.Here in this place of chaos I've learned so much about myself - things I

Perspectives: Returning from Poland

2009-04-07T01:00:00.002-04:00

A butterfly was caught in the window of a gas chamber. How it got there, and how it continues to survive there, I don't know. In Poland I felt like there was a piece of glass between me and the rest of the world - something that was keeping me from being able to reach out emotionally and connect with or be a part of the rest of the world. When the plane landed back in Israel that barrier

Olive drab, desert bloom

2009-03-01T16:43:00.001-05:00

BANG...BANG....BANG...BANG.... "Ouch!".The M16 gun that I'm shooting screams loudly through the sound proof headphones that I'm wearing. I feel the hot metal of a shell casing hit my face, flying sideways from the person's gun next to me as she shoots her 11 rounds as well. I'm not sure what I'm doing with this large murder device, I'm just shooting it to get it done with. I can't stand the smell

The Land of my Sojourning

2009-02-09T10:24:00.001-05:00

Life was never ment to be an easy thing. Living is not a concept or a theory or even an idea. It's something that many people feel like it should be a choice, living is not an option, it's a commandment.There are so many people here who don't want to live for some reason or another. I'm finding it harder and harder to be simpathetic for some people, I'm finding that the people who I originally

Dreams and Visions

2009-02-08T08:31:00.001-05:00

I've begun to feel myself being wrapped in eretz yisrael, as I become one with it. In more than just one way I find my family here.I imagine Kaleb running across the green field, a date in his hand to eat, laughing, singing, and talking in Hebrew with other children around him. I see Joram, talking in very fast, sloppy, and happy Hebrew with his classmates. I can picture Isabelle and I both

Loss

2009-02-06T15:00:00.000-05:00

As with all life event's, there's a beginning and an end. Today we said goodbye to one of the kids in my unit for at least a short while, how long, we're not exactly sure, but he plans on coming back.Today we found out that the father of one of the boys in my unit passed away Friday morning. A heart attack.So while many of use are staying in our rooms feeling icky cause we're coming down with the

Shabbat #2

2009-02-05T13:01:00.000-05:00

I'm kissing the wall, my eyes are closed, in my head I hear voices. No I'm not crazy, these voices are talking to me. They're singing, they're singing the shabbat prayers. I find a crack in the great and mighty wall putting my lips up to it, and singing into it those familar sabbath prayers that have so many memories attached to them. I hear Joram singing loudly, not really aware of how loud he

Shabbat #1

2009-01-30T17:25:00.000-05:00

My fingers run over the smooth surfaces, finding the places in between that are rough or hard to find. My hands guide me along the wall like brail on a page I begin to see the mysteries before me unfold, like a story in a book, the triumphs and the failures begin to unfold. I come to a spot where my body drags me against the warm rock. I press my face gently to it, taking in everything, the smell

Day three

2009-01-29T18:30:00.001-05:00

As I sit in the near quiet confines of my now nearly evacuated room, I'm able to get into the mindset to be able to finally write. Between the emotional conflict that is constantly running inside of me as I try to figure out how I indeed do feel about this country and how I feel about the people here I am able to enjoy certain moments as they come and go.Besides unintentionally labeling myself as

Day Two

2009-01-29T18:23:00.000-05:00

So at the moment, my emotions are getting the better part of me. I'm holding it all together, or at least trying to. I have about an hour until I need to go meet my general studies teachers. I also have to go get a bunch of stuff changed because it says I'm in all three of the classes that I pulled out of, I'm not sure though, but I'm getting it taken care of.We prayed weekday morning shachrit

D'var Torah: Shemot

2009-01-17T03:00:00.000-05:00

I could give you the whole synopsis of this weeks' parsha, but I’m pretty sure that Disney already did that with the movie The Prince of Egypt. Dad keeps telling me there was another movie before that one too. So instead I’m going to think a little abstractly and relate this to me, after all it does seem to be what teens do best.I was looking at this week's portion and the part that caught my eye