A Window To My Soul

Japan, hawaii, New Jersey, along with another important sign

2011-03-20T23:10:00.000-07:00

Let me begin with.....

Japan Earthquake 2011: 8.9 Magnitude Earthquake Hits, 30-Foot Tsunami Triggered

waves of the tsunami in Japan

some of the damaging from the tsunami

TOKYO -- Japan declared states of emergency for five nuclear reactors at two power plants after the units lost cooling ability in the aftermath of Friday's powerful earthquake. Thousands of residents were evacuated as workers struggled to get the reactors under control to prevent meltdowns

Some 3,000 people within two miles (three kilometers) of the plant were urged to leave their homes, but the evacuation zone was more than tripled to 6.2 miles (10 kilometers) after authorities detected eight times the normal radiation levels outside the facility and 1,000 times normal inside Unit 1's control room.
Nearly 14,000 people living near the two power plants were ordered to evacuate.

One of the nuclear plants that had a meltdown... couldnt be prevented

Now it just seems as if Japan as a whole has been effected by this nuclear meltdown and all the food and water has been contaminated, people have been exposed by the hundred thousands. Not to mention the death count as of today was in the 7000 dead and thousands still missing. Many may feel nothing about this but please find it in your hearts to pray for these people. You never know.... one day we may need the prayers.

This is to show some of the damage after the earthquake

More waves and nothing anyone could do

this is just a few of how thousands of homes were left

NOW FOR NEW JERSEY

The weekend’s relentless rain brought a month’s worth of precipitation in 48 hours, and along with floods, hail, thunder, lightning and howling wind, left much of New Jersey in a state of monumental misery.

new Jersey was also hit with a natural disaster

all u can have is hope as u watch ur house get flooded

As the Raritan River crested more than nine feet above flood level this afternoon, a local state of emergency was declared in Bound Brook. That forced the mandatory evacuation of more than 400 residents, who took shelter in the high school gymnasium and a Presbyterian church.

Borough residents said they had no reason to suspect a deluge Saturday night, when little rain had fallen. But when they awoke, lakes of water had invaded their homes and submerged their cars.

the river was out of control as u can see

Even the parks were flooded

Close to 120,000 PSE&G customers in northern and central New Jersey were still without electricity today, including some 80,000 in Bergen County. Atlantic Electric reported 1,972 outages in its area of South Jersey and JCP&L listed 35,000 outages across its area. Not to mention how many people became homeless that day :( All this back to back.

SOME DAMAGE WAS DONE TO HAWAII AS WELL

A tsunami about 7 feet tall was recorded on Maui, and a wave at least 3 feet high was recorded on Oahu and Kauai

this was someone's home in Hawaii after the tsunami

Some of the damage done in Hawaii when all calmed down

Now keep in mind all of this was happening like a domino effect. One right after the other. Now they have an "explanation". Apparently what we didn't know was that we were in a moon phase called the "SUPERMOON" which has been known since it was so close to the earth, to cause natural disasters and currently we are still in that phase. I saw the moon last night and yes it is closer to the earth but I think this is deeper than that. I will share the pictures the media put up of the moon last night and we have a few more days of this "phase" so lets pray all goes well for everyone!!

one pic the media put up but of course this was too simple n beautiful

personally i didnt see it this way but the media put this up scary isnt it???

this was another pic they put up for us to see how close it was

no matter what some of you may think these are not signs of good things to come... Pray for those that have been effected and pray for all of us because this is only the beginning of "earths pains".

Heart ache that just wont subside

2011-03-12T22:40:00.000-08:00

So here I am again.... I had a surgery done on dec 11th where they were supposed to have gone in to look around and also take away some of the scar tissue to ease some of my pain. To my surprise the dr only looked around and closed me up. He later explained to me that it was a mess in there and there was nothing he could do. He wants and says i need to get a hysterectomy :(
Reason behind it is because I am on Lupron and have been for 2 yrs straight and he doesnt want me on it any longer. But stopping the Lupron would mean my period comes back and my period causes me to have kidney failure because the endo has attached to my kidneys. So the only way around this is to have my uterus removed. Only problem with that is that I do not have children. :( Always wanted one, Im great with them but now it seems that dream is drifting farther and farther away.
Today I went back to the dr and he said hes ready when I am ... to do the surgery. he explained he has to open me up for this he can not do it thru my belly button cuz its too dangerous. the endo is attached to my reproductive system, my kidneys, my ribcage, my gall bladder, my intestines and god only knows where else. Its completely taking over my body as well as my life. I cant sleep, I eat cuz i have to, I cry ALOT, I dont work anymore, this is the longest I have concentrated in a long time, and now I have all these meds I have to take.
Speaking of meds, I have been taking vicodin for the chronic pain for years straight. Today I was told that i can keep taking the vicodin but they are also trying something more long term . its called oxymorphone also known as OPANA. I know nothing regarding this medication only that it is another controlled substance and it is an opiate. I was wondering if anyone that reads this knows anything about that med? Got any good stories to tell me? bad stories? side effects? opinion on if I should try this or not? anything would help me right now since i cant really concentrate, or even work on this myself.
Sisters... my heart hearts. The emptiness I feel inside is scaring me. I dont understand why everyone keeps telling me that God never gives u more than u can handle and yet I am here feeling like I cant fight anymore. I feel like my mind is ready to shut down. So I think that God may not have forgotten me but I think he threw this at me and went on to take care of the world and it has been overlooked that I can NOT deal with this. This cross is harder and harder for me to carry on my own. So I ask my sisters to help me at this time. I dont want to give up the fight. I dont want to lose my will to live but it is slowly fading. I know someone out there has felt like this or feels like this. Please someone i ask you to save me or at least try. I am sinking fast and cant take the emotional strain this has on me. I hope you are all well... and i also hope u all have a pain free new year... thanks for listening sisters!!!

Walk Down Memory Lane...

2011-01-12T10:36:00.000-08:00

For all you people who have ever lived on Long Island or know someone who does, (and some of these are before our time I know) we can definitely relate to at least a few items on the list.... So here's to LONG ISLAND!!!!!

You're truly from "LAWN GILAND" (long island) if you can relate to any of the following:

You've always liked Billy Joel and you own several of his "records"

2. You know someone who went to St Anthony's, Chaminade, LaSalle or even Madonna Heights.

3. Seeing a concert at Jones Beach Theater- best place in the world to see a show.

4. Is it just me or is every girl from Rockville Center a

5. Billy Joel said it best," Either you date a rich girl from the North Shore, or a cool girl from the south shore.

6. What's the big deal about the Hamptons?

7. If you're not from Long Island or NYC you're not really from NEW YAWK!!

8. You don't go to Manhattan: you go to :the City".

9. The Belt Parkway Sucks >>>>>>>>>>

10. You never ever want to "change at jamaica"

11. You never realize you have an accent until you leave.

12. You are 15 minutes from the beach>>>>>

13. Yes, there is a town on LI known as HICKSVILLE!!

14. Somehow, you know the OBI was cool, but you never actually been there...

15. At some point in your life you either have gone clamming or caught a bluefish>>>

16. You know where at least one stripclub is>

17. AKA The Secret Club Of Drunks

18. You Curse.... A LOT!!!!

19. You remember the exact day you stopped going to Jones Beach and started going to Robert Moses or Tobay

20. Public Beach? whats that?

21. Huntington is a puzzlement but a fun village to hang out in >>>>

22. "I'm going to the park"

23. you've had a seagull crap on your car

24. Either your parents or grandparents lived in the city

25. You or someone you know has owned an animal that came from

26.   You've cruised on the "turnpike" or "DPA"

27.   You have been to the firemen's races in Hicksville.

28.   Quick! Who's the suffolk county executive? Don't know do you?!

29.   You don't have to go far to see your family.

30.  >>>>>>>>>>>>>

31. You've gotten drunk at the "green" or on the bleachers of some high school.

32. You can correctly pronounce places like Hauppauge, Islip, Islandia,Massapequa and Montauk.

33. You have been to: The Satan House in Massapequa(red sidewalk), Mount Misery, the Midget mansion in bayville

34. Mr. Softee...much better than the circus man

35. You have seen the Amityville Horror house or at least know where it is

36. you know that the town of Baldwin is NOT named after the Baldwins...they're from Massapequa. DUH!!

37. The best Pizza, Bagels, and chinese food ever!!!

38. you hate when people (not from NY) try to do "the accent" OUCH

39. A>> is from NYC or Long Island ... all others are posers.

Relgious belief or scientific reasons?

2011-01-08T21:28:00.000-08:00

So far not even 2 weeks into the year 2011 and all hell is braking loose. As far as we know 5000 birds just died and fell out of the sky in Arkansas along with 100 thousand fish all in the same state. Meanwhile, hundreds of dead birds were found in nearby Louisiana. Mass fish kills have occurred in Brazil and New Zealand. And as CNN reports, now 2 million fish have turned up dead on the banks of the Chesapeake Bay. Can anyone explain any of this. They checked and so far nothing as far as chemicals have come up as a problem. They say it may have something to do with the fact that the world should be coming to an end for those who believe in the religious aspect of the situation.

5000 Dead fish from Arkansas

100,000 dead fish washed up in Arkansas

2 million juvenile spot fish washed up in Maryland and around 25,000 dead velvet swimming crabs washed up on the shores of Great Britain.

2 million dead fish in Maryland

25000 crabs dead in Great Britain

There are so many other things going on I can't list them all but let's just say on long island, NY we also have at least 1000 people so far diagnosed with Hepatitis A out of the blue and no one knows how they all got it and/or how far this may spread. I believe in the whole religion thing so to me this is the beginning of the end. Most people would think I am crazy and try to have a scientific explanation but with this whole thing with the 2012 end of the world these do seem as signs of more things to come. I'm blogging about it because it is becoming a concern of mine. Do we get excited that Jesus is coming back to earth or do we feel fear? I don't know which way to go with it. Would love to hear anyone else's feelings regarding this situation. As I find out more I will blog about it but so far this is as much as I have heard. God bless us all.

Killer John White set free without warning

2010-12-24T01:17:00.000-08:00

Governor Paterson does it again. Is this guy showing his racist roots or what? John White, an African American fatally shot 17 yr old Daniel Cicciaro jr, a Caucasian in the face back in August 2006. On Sept he was charged with second- degree manslaughter and a weapons possession. In December of 2007 he was convicted and in March 2008 was sentenced to 2 to 4 years in prison. Governor Paterson decided yesterday, December 23,2010 that he wanted to let John White go free. He overturned the judges' decision and released the man without warning the Cicciaro's or anyone else for that matter.

Murderer John White on the left, Racist Gov. Paterson on the right

Why is it that if something like this happens to an African American Al Sharpton is all over the news? Protests are done and people lose their jobs. Why is it that it just seems like African Americans are the only race that is protected and all others see no justice? Does Governor Paterson know John White? Are they related? In an past incident we all know Governor Paterson had stuck his neck out and covered the tracks of a criminal friend which was also African American. When will we see that he is nothing more than a racist in power and is taking advantage and abusing his position to look out for blacks but you never see him do something like this for a Caucasian.

My heart goes out to the Cicciaro family especially with the holidays right around the corner. Not only did they have to deal with the loss of their child but now the killer walks right out of prison all because he has the right color skin and they get punished and see no justice because now they are the ones with the wrong skin tone. May Daniel Cacciaro rest in peace and his memory never be forgotten. I also hope that someone somewhere out there can do something about this injustice and send John White back to prison where he belongs.

Rest In Peace Daniel Cicciaro Jr.

Stand up people, protest, get on the news , lets see if our voices are heard even though we aren't black. Lets see if Governor Paterson cares about the safety of New Yorkers and realizes he made a mistake or if he will let this killer walk among us never paying for the crime he has committed.

Read the article in the Daily News and please vote on the poll. State whether John White, who has lived his life, should have been set free after taking this young man's life or if he should return back to prison and complete his sentence just like anyone else would have to.

Racist Governor Paterson releases killer John White

Christmas...

2010-12-23T14:23:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Jesus!! What ever happened to acknowledging that this day is about his birthday? Where did it begin to be about Santa Claus and only Santa Claus? When was the last time you thought about Jesus and not Santa or even said Happy Birthday to Jesus? I say it every year. Yes, I do the Santa thing but as soon as I wake up I make sure I wish Jesus a happy birthday and I thank him for taking my place and giving his life for my sins even if I hadn't committed any sins when he died due to the fact that I wasn't born yet. That's something I will never understand but I will always respect.

I would like to wish you all a very Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Buon Natale, Feliz Navidad, Chanukkah, Kwanzaa and whatever other way there is to say it :)

Best classics to watch in my opinion are...

The best story and a classic to read to your family is...

Twas the Night before Christmas Poem

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tinny reindeer.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

The Battle With My Health

2010-12-22T09:38:00.000-08:00

For those of you that know me and see me you know how hard this fight has been for me with this Endometriosis. For those of you that don't or haven't seen me in years here's a little insight on my uphill battle.

I am disabled now because of the disease. Here is my quick review of my life and health so you can understand it better. I lost many jobs due to attendance reasons. I had kidney failure twice and have almost died 3 times. When I say almost died I am not exaggerating... I was hospitalized, put in the hospice section of a hospital and even had a priest visit me to ask me if I accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. Been scared, depressed, cried many times and almost gave up. I have even been asked to get placed on the donors list at my kidney specialist office.

The disease has spread to my intestines, attached to my intestines, rib cage, kidneys, covered my pelvis, my ovaries cant be seen and now has possibly made its way to my nasal cavity and is causing nose bleeds for no reason. I have had dozens of surgeries, have undergone many tests, xrays,mri, cat scans and blood work. Have taken many different medications including Lupron which has made me go into premature menopause. So now I have hot flashes, insomnia, depression, weight gain, pain, vertigo,diabetes and God only knows what else may or may not pop up.

I am explaining this so you can be given the chance to show your support. My disease is incurable :( There arent enough specialist in this field. Not enough research being done and worse of all not too many people know of it or care enough to look it up and try to understand my illness.

Please take a minute out of your lives and sign the petition for a stamp that will represent Endometriosis awareness and raise money for reasearching so this disease can be stopped. So your daughters have a fighting chance. I say "your daughters" because it appears that I can't have children due to the disease because according to the doctors it has spread so much, having a child could and will cost me my life. Now the ultimate decision was to have a hysterectomy to try to prolong my life. Here is the link for the petition... I really hope you guys sign it and support the cause. Endometriosis Research Petition

Included in this blog is also a letter that all Endo survivors also known as my endo sisters, can use to explain how this disease effects the decisions they have made and we need it to continue circulating so everyone out there understands why we do and say the things we do and say... please read it....

Dear Parents, Partners, Friends, Families, Employers & Doctors:
We have spent the last years of our lives apologizing for being stricken with a disease we did nothing to contract, and we can do it no longer. We are asking - again - for your understanding. We are not responsible for not living up to your expectations the way you think we should. What you seem to fail to realize, is that you are just as much a part of the cycle of the disease as we are, because you are not getting the whole of our person and our capabilities.

We are not "lazy," we are not "whiners," we do not make the pain up "in our heads." We have Endometriosis.

We know that we look healthy on the outside, and that is sometimes harder to accept than if we exhibited the disease in our every day appearance. What you don't see is what our organs look like on the inside, and you don't see what living with it has done to our emotional well-being.

When we call in sick, it's not because we need a mental health day or to "go shopping." It's because we can't get out of bed from the pain.Do you think we like letting our careers suffer? Would it be easier for you to understand if we said we had cancer and looked the part?

When we get emotional and cry at the seemingly silliest things, or get angry for even less reason, it's not because we are "flaky women." It is because we are taking drug therapies to stall this incurable disease, or perhaps it's because we have come close to the breaking point after dealing day in and day out with the pain for which there is no defined cause or absolute cure.

When we can't have intimate relations with our partners, it is not because we don't love you or want to. It's because we can't. It hurts too much.

And we aren't feeling real attractive right now.

When you as our parents can't understand that since you are healthy, we should be too, but aren't - try harder. We don't understand it either.

We need your support more than anyone's.

When we can't go to family gatherings or accept social invitations, it's not because we don't wish to share in your fun. It's because we feel like pariahs. You are all having such a nice time with your children and loved ones - we can't remember the last time we had a nice time, or the last time we were pain-free. We can't have a nice time with our children (some of us), because we were robbed of that chance before we were old enough to even care about having them in the first place. Do you think we need to be reminded of our battle with infertility by watching you and your babies? Or for those of us who were blessed enough to be able to conceive, do you think we want a constant reminder that we never feel well enough to spend enough quality time with our children, or worse - that we might have passed this disease down through our genetics onto our daughters?

When you married us, you didn't know that we meant the "in sickness and in health" part literally, did you? We bet you were counting on at least a 50/50 split of that combination, rather than the 90/10 ratio you got. You are our caretakers, the ones who drive us to and from our doctors, countless surgeries, and emergency room visits. You are the ones who hear us crying in the night and see us break down during the day. You are the ones who wait on us hand and foot after surgery. You are the ones that go for months on end without sharing our beds with us. You are the ones that deal with our infertility right along with us. We strike out at you when we are hurting and angry, and you take it in stride. You are perhaps bigger victims of Endometriosis than even we are. You are appreciated more than words can ever say.

Don't give up on us now.

As a medical professional, we are coming to you for help. We are asking you to do the job you were trained to do and ease our suffering. We do not need you to tell us that we are imagining the excruciating pain we live in, or worse yet, that it is "normal for a woman to hurt." Keep up with your research, find the cause of this disease and better yet, find a cure! Stop taking the easy way out and drugging us into oblivion so that we will quiet down. We want answers and it is your job to provide them. You were the ones that took the oath to heal - why do we have to try to do your job? Do you understand what it means when we tell you that we literally can no longer live a normal life and care for ourselves and our families? We're not drug seeking; we are answer seeking.

Are you not up to the challenge to find the answers?

To those we have called friends all our lives, why have you deserted us when we needed your compassion and understanding the most? Do you see the selfishness of your actions? When we can't get together with you, it's not because we don't like you or we don't care - it's because we are no longer capable of enjoying healthy leisure time. Our minds are consumed with our next doctor's appointments, what surgery we are going to have next, and why we feel so sick all the time.
This is not about you - it never was and it never will be. It is about us. Please try to remember what the term "friend" means. Try to walk one minute in our shoes. We have fought a war for the better part of our years. We are faced daily with physical pains we can't understand and mental anguish we can barely cope with some days. We face a society daily that doesn't even know the word "Endometriosis," much less the ramifications of living with the disease. We have to face uneducated and unsympathetic doctors who tell us "it's all in your head", and "have a hysterectomy, it will cure you", or "get pregnant, it will cure you", when we know that it won't and have been dealing with infertility for the last however many years.
Can't you see that?

We have to fight to get medical treatment that insurance companies don't deem necessary, or worse, we deplete our savings because aren't able to obtain proper care unless we pay for it ourselves and travel thousands of miles to the rare specialists that are few and far between. We have to have surgery after surgery and subject ourselves to horrific medications just to be able to get out of bed in the morning.
This is not a conscious choice we made, it was the hand we were dealt. It is enough of a war we wage just to try and live with some modicum of normalcy - don't make it harder on us by not seeing the reasons why.
Endometriosis is a disease that affects all of us.
Take the time to learn about it and understand. If you can do that, and you can join us in the battle for a cure, then we can one day return to our old selves and live a normal, painfree life.
We can have healthy relationships with our loved ones. We can stop taking the painkillers that numb our suffering to a degree and become part of the living again.
Please don't judge us and declare that we are all the things we are not - until you have lived with this disease ravaging your mind and body, you cannot speak on it.
Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger, someone once said. While Endometriosis may not kill our physical body, it tries like hell to kill our spirit. It tries to kill every hope and dream we ever had of doing the things that make us happy. All of us are out here searching for a cure to put an end to the disease...and we are holding our heads high in spite of Endometriosis and fighting it every single day. We are asking you to take part in that battle and work with us on beating it.
Wouldn't it be nice to have back the daughter, wife, friend or loved one you once knew?

Think about it.
~The Sentiments of Millions of Endometriosis Survivors Around the World~

I know this is a long blog but its very important to me that I share this with my loved ones in hope that you one day will stop and do some research and understand the disease and understand me a little better. I love you guys and I know you don't understand how severe and how horrific this disease is so now's your chance to realize if I have not come to a party or shown up for a dinner it wasnt personal it was and always will be because I don't feel well and believe me I would love to be there but some things I cant bring myself to do.