This May I’m celebrating Masturbation Month. I’m thrilled to be a part of this movement to bring sex out of the bedroom and into the …..use your imagination!   I’d like to change the title to Self-Pleasuring Month as it has a more delicate and obvious tone. Because that’s what we’re doing–we are giving ourselves pleasure.

There are many benefits to masturbation, or self-pleasuring. The main one being pleasure. We celebrate to emphasize that it is acceptable to enjoy our bodies, just as we enjoy the foods we eat, the sights we see and the myriad things our hands explore  (use your imagination) in any given day!

As The Sex Expert at Better After 50  I’ve written a post on Masturbation Month talking about the many reasons a woman over 50 should be self-pleasuring….in case you don’t already know why!  Here’s a teaser:

1. Self-pleasuring, for both sexes, is the quickest, safest and least complicated way to achieve a climax or simply enjoy pleasurable sensations.
2. Women’s bodies are not as straightforward as men’s. Some of us have trouble achieving orgasm. Through self-pleasuring you can become acquainted with your clitoris, labia and vagina. You learn what areas feel good and how you like to be touched. Do you like a gentle fluttery touch or something firmer? Where exactly do you  need to touch to get that breathless sensation? Do you need penetration as well as clitoral stimulation? You learn about your body and it’s responses through touch. And, you can then share that knowledge with a lover, spouse or whoever!  (probably not your kids or your mother)
3. Women who are single want and need sexual release. Self-pleasuring is ideal. It’s safe and satisfying when there is no suitable partner around.
4. Sexuality starts in the brain for many women. When we think sexy thoughts we become aroused and more inclined to engage in sexual activity. It jumpstarts our libido. Self-pleasuring, at least for me, helps me feel sexier. It gets me thinking in a playful, sensual mood that can last all day!
5. There are health benefits associated with sexual play. Some women experience a decrease in lubrication during menopause—the arousal that comes from sex with a partner, or solo sex produces natural secretions. Vaginal sexual activity helps to keep the vagina walls supple, which can reduce or prevent vaginal atrophy. Orgasms make us feel better, give us a spurt of energy, get our heart rate up a little and overall, contribute to a better outlook on life.

The rest of my article, including recommendations on vibrators, can be read at BetterAfter50. Read more…..

The post Let’s Celebrate! It’s National Masturbation Month appeared first on Walker Thornton.

Enough already!

I encourage you to look at the nature of your sexual relationship and find a way to have respectful, mutually enjoyable sex.

Pop over, read, absorb, comment…. Are You Having Charity Sex?

The post Have You Experienced Charity Sex? appeared first on Walker Thornton.

Thank you for your patience as we get all the little wrinkles smoother over!

I appreciate your readership, your comments and your support,

Walker

The post Welcome to My New Look! appeared first on Walker Thornton.

I’ll be writing my column weekly—you’ll see me there every Wednesday! I plan to talk about all things sexual. As women over 50 we have an interest in our own sexual health and well-being. We want to have a good sex life–in what ever terms that means for us. Divorced, single or married we have thoughts, desires and needs that are unique to our age.  My column will explore those issues, offer tips, information and resources. We’ll get a little daring and talk about ‘naughty’ things sometimes. And, we’ll look at trends, books, movies and more–as they relate to women over the age of 50.

Here’s a teaser of this week’s first column: Sex Goddess or Slut? 

Sex Goddess or Slut?…It depends on the day!

I love sending a sexy text or email, experiencing that delicious tension as I wait for his response. Wednesday afternoon, a little before 5pm, I sent “white lace”. The reply, “Sweet Jesus” made me laugh out loud. Twenty minutes later, he was on my doorstep.

And, in that moment, this divorced 58-year-old woman felt alive, empowered, and sexy as hell. I felt like a Sex Goddess.

Actually, I am a Sex Goddess. I own it. You can too. Aren’t we all Goddesses in our own minds? If your answer is no, then we’ve got some work to do!

The full article. 

The post The Sex Expert–My New Job appeared first on Walker Thornton.

It’s time to explore the sensual aspects of life again.

Life is a continual journey–change occurs every day. And, the desire to find more joy from life demands an intentional practice.

So, with that in mind, I’m taking a tele-class with the people at Welcomed Consensus. Six sessions over a 3 week period focused on pleasure, expanding my physical capacity for sensuous and sexual delights. We’ll have homework. Oooh, that should be fun.

Sheri Testerman and the rest of the team have been working with women (and men) for about 28 years. Here’s the summary of what they’re all about;

We are not a ‘get-well’ organization, we are a ‘welcomed’ organization. The goals of most sexual experts are to get people from dysfunctional to normal. Our goals are to get people to better. We have discovered through researching female orgasm a vast world of pleasurable sensation available for both women and men. We have developed a new model of orgasm, a model that is inclusive and has people succeed.”

I’m taking this class for a couple of reasons. First, one can always learn more and experience growth. I’m orgasmic but I’d love to expand my capacity and my understanding. And second, I want to have a broader view of sexuality in order to write and coach and share information with readers. What better way to do this than by taking courses, reading, and attending conferences?

And, as their website says, “In this culture there are very few places where people can go to be trained to expand their orgasm. We are that kind of place. All we ask is that you give sex a chance. The same chance that you would give cooking or golf, or any other endeavor where you have been a success.”

I hate golf, but sex….? That’s something I can get into.

To learn more about Welcomed Consensus see their website or Facebook page. The next class starts on May 7 at 5:30pm (Pacific time).

The post An Exploration of The Sensuous Life appeared first on Walker Thornton.

Everywhere I look, particularly as it applies to aging, I see people, bloggers, writers, newscasters telling us what we will be experiencing. As if it were fact. And, it’s rarely upbeat, positive or age-affirming.

Do Not Believe Everything You Read, or See or Hear

• Don’t tell me I won’t enjoy sex once I turn 60.  Sorry for you but don’t lay your lagging libido on the rest of us. 

• Don’t tell me that menopause will cause my vagina to dry up and sex will be painful. It didn’t, it hasn’t. 

•  Older women need smaller/thinner sex toys because their vaginal openings are smaller. Really? I’ll refrain from saying more on this one. 

• Men don’t want to date women with gray hair. Are you justifying dying your hair? 

• Women with gray hair have a disadvantage in the work place.  Sadly, that one’s probably true. 

• Menopause is awful, painful, emotionally challenging and requires medication. You’ll have mood swings, hot flashes, lose your libido, etc… Some of us yes, not all of us. 

• Eat these foods to reverse aging. Right. Yet another so-called expert pretending to have the cure–again.

• Aging sucks. Is that the best you can do? Give me an example.

• 60 is the new 40. What the F*#@ is that supposed to mean? 

Are these scare tactics? Examples of insular thinking? Or a warped way for someone to turn their own bitter experiences into a money-making proposition?

Sure, each of these statements holds some truth for some women. But in each case the comment was made as a blanket statement, applying to all of us. Some of these comments came from everyday people, a few came from ‘experts’.

The result? Women talk about dreading menopause and its side effects without even waiting to see what actually happens to them.  Women begin to anticipate all the negativity around aging with a sense of resignation, when in reality many of us are enjoying our advanced years with few problems.

This kind of talk makes aging look more like a disease than a natural state–to be treated with cosmetic surgery, expensive anti-aging regimes, denial and medications. It scares women. It puts us in a place of ‘frailty’. We handicap ourselves if we sit around waiting to be hit with the Aging Stick.

For every bad story you see or hear, there are at least three to six good ones that completely contradict the bad stuff. I made that up. 

Stop saying all that crap!

And you–stop listening and reacting to this kind of garbage. Unless you really want to be miserable as you age. Then go right ahead. 

To all you naysayers: Unless you’ve got definitive data to back up your words you’re doing everyone a disservice by spreading these scare tactics, ageist opinions and other BS.

As purveyors of material on the internet, the news, media, etc… we do not have to believe or buy-in to everything we hear. We have the ability to think for ourselves, seek out multiple sources and refuse to be scared or threatened by this kind of false advertising, short-sighted thinking.

As bloggers, public speakers, reporters and writers let’s be more mindful of the message we send. Use a few “I” statements to personalize your rhetoric so the reader understands that you’re talking about your personal experience.

For example, if you feel compelled to say that women experience a lessening of sexual desire after menopause–give a reason. State some statistics. Or admit that it’s been your own experience and that of the 3 women you surveyed at Starbucks. The rest of us may be doing just fine, thank you very much.

Yep, this is a personal rant. I’m tired of seeing other older women spouting off this crap about aging. I’m fed up with being warned about the negative things to expect in the upcoming years.

We need more positive voices embracing this wonderful period of  change we’re experiencing as older women. Let’s embrace open conversation and affirmation. We need more role models who are exploring and expanding their lives–and inviting us to join them. This is a wonderful period in our lives, let’s spend more time enjoying life.

Repeat after me, “I can have all the fun I want in this life, the choice is mine.”

The post Aging-A Positive, Affirming Outlook appeared first on Walker Thornton.

Aging is a topic that’s often on my mind. At age 58, single and sporting gray hair I have taken a bolder approach to dealing with age. There’s really no hiding it, is there? And, why should I?

I’m not embarrassed about my age and I don’t think I look bad (the photo was taken a year ago this month–I was 57). I find older women attractive and the more in touch they are with their age and their looks the more appealing they are. Give me a wrinkled Judi Dench over a unnaturally ‘youthful’ older woman any day.

What does it mean to age gracefully? Each of us has a different answer. Some of us embrace the aging process, some of us feel compelled to hide the telltale signs of aging. We dye our hair and turn to plastic surgery to lift, plump and otherwise erase the signs of aging.

 Aging is hard. No doubt about it.

We fall prey to public opinion, America’s love affair with all things youthful, and the idea that aging is a “condition”. And, in the process we forget to embrace our age—to delight in the memories, the strengths, the wonderful parts of our lives that come through living a rich life.

We buy expensive anti-aging beauty products, invest in hair dye and contemplate going under the knife. We’ve been told horror stories about menopause and we worry about what will happen to us. We buy into the myths about aging:

Older women won’t find a job with gray hair.

Men don’t want to date women with gray hair.

Older women have sexual difficulties.

Menopause is difficult. You’re going to have issues.

Eat these foods and you’ll reverse aging. 

Buy these facial products to make wrinkles disappear. 

I hear comments like these all the time. They’re designed to make us feel bad about ourselves—they reinforce the cultural notion that old(er) people, particularly women, have less value. There’s a huge industry that thrives on women’s insecurities about their age, their faces, their bodies. We’re being manipulated.

We get sidetracked worrying about menopause and the loss of our sex drive. We examine our faces daily for signs of aging (Guilty! I’m watching my neck skin ‘relax’) and read numerous articles on how to reverse the signs. We worry about our age to the degree that it gets in the way of living a joyful life.

Yes, we live in a society that worships youth. Yes, gray hair gives away our age. Yes, in some corporate climates women are judged based on age and appearance—dying one’s hair may you get a  job. Yes, some older men want younger women and will automatically walk away from a woman with gray hair.

But it’s not that way for everyone.

I made a decision a couple of years ago to embrace my age and my life—single, leaving a good job and often struggling to meet the demands of caring for an ex-husband while making a living as a freelance writer.

Is my long gray hair a deterrent in dating? Who knows? I’ve had a couple of men tell me how sexy I look with long hair. The gray is pretty visible. And, I’ve seen a lot of men who didn’t give me a second glance. But, I’m not willing to recreate myself in a false image to find a man.

Did my age harm me in my recent job search? Probably. Competing in the world of social media and marketing at my age is tough.

I am comfortable talking about being 58 years old. It’s not embarrassing nor is it a tragedy (though my mother thinks it’s awful that I’m single). I’m not sliding downhill or about to move into assisted living.  I’m not all dried up nor am I ________ (fill in the blank).    I’ve been having the best sex of my whole life these last couple of years.

Fifty eight years old seems just fine.

I’m writing today as part of a group of women tackling the topic of Aging Gracefully. My thoughts may not reflect the majority opinion. Many women aren’t ready to accept gray hair or admit to their age. It’s an individual matter. I would say to women that much of what they hear, even from peers, is overly dramatic, simplified or distorted. We aren’t all alike and we don’t all have the same problems or challenges around aging.

A while back, my oldest granddaughter (now 7) was sitting in my lap, closely examining my face. And, she said to me, “Nana Wawa, you’re the oldest person I’ve ever met.”  I’m OK with that. I want my granddaughters to see my aging process as a natural thing–not something to hide or deny. I want them to see me embrace my age.  I want to be a strong role model. A woman who can manage her own life, speak her own truths and not bow to societal pressure to recreate herself as something she’s not. I want them to accept themselves at every step in the aging process with joy and celebration.

I write often about aging because I think we need to change the conversation. It starts with us–we can change attitudes and show the world that being an older woman is a wonderful thing.  Here are a few of my posts on the subject of aging:

Anti Aging? What Am I Supposed to Do?

Becoming a Sexy Woman

Finding Our Role Models

Will Gray Hair Harm Your Chances of Getting a Date?

Want to see what others are saying about Aging Gracefully?

 

The post Aging Gracefully? Bring It On! appeared first on Walker Thornton.

When the topic of ‘the nipples’ appeared on my Facebook page, one women commented that no one could take away a woman’s power–we were talking about the societal tendency to reduce women to sexual objects. I absolutely disagree with her. And, I agree in some regards.  What happens when we talk about Hilary Clinton’s hair style, Angela Merkel’s cleavage or someone’s nipples? We may not be stripping them of their power, but the message is loud and clear–these women are just objects. We aren’t going to have a serious discussion about them as people–we’re going to analyze them in the most superficial of ways.

Who gives a Flying Fuck what Ms. Clinton’s hair looks like? She’s one of the most powerful people on the planet. Granted we do talk about Donald Trump’s hair, but in general the media rarely comment on a powerful man’s appearance. Because in our culture it doesn’t seem to matter how men look in relationship to their perceived authority or success. But women?  Geez…

Let’s start talking about men’s bulges. Shall we? Can we talk about whether’s Boehner’s bad days are related to the size of his penis? Is it too small and therefore he’s unwilling to give up perceived power? Let’s start rating newscaster credibility in light of what color of tie they wear. I love Brain Williams–but, oh man… he’s wearing a purple tie?!

And, what about this guy?  The one in the middle, in case you can’t tell.  Hubba Hubba!  (by the way he’s an award-winning Olympian.) Poor thing–he did get press coverage but it was all about whether he was sporting an (admirable) erection or not. You had to feel sorry for him having to defend his package instead of  his Olympic performance.

So, yes it does go both ways–but not often enough.

Silly isn’t it. And frustrating. Double standards still surround us when it comes to talking about powerful, famous women. We diminish women, negate their accomplishments and perpetuate gender inequality when we engage in this kind of derogatory commentary about women.

And, much of the time it’s women who’re doing the criticizing.

Women are making huge strides in breaking into traditional male domains. We have a record number of women in Congress–there are 20 women in the 2013 Senate. But, we still get tripped up when some one shifts the conversation to her clothes, breasts, suspected weight gain, etc….

I propose that the next time you hear someone make a comment about a woman’s breasts you say, “Wow, did you see the bulge on Paul Ryan last week at _______. Amazing, I wonder what size shoes he wears.”

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