This is from two weeks ago, when we had about 2,000 people. We had about the same size crowd last Monday when there was a tornado watch. We are dedicated to making change.

I think it’s important to talk about Moral Mondays here,  to explain why I got involved, why I got arrested on May 13, and why I continue to go for the rallies.

First of all, let me say in response to those who say we can’t accomplish anything with these demonstrations, I wouldn’t have gone if I didn’t think we could make a difference, and I am willing to tolerate the vitriol of people who would discourage us because I think they are afraid of us and what we stand for.

I go because I feel a moral obligation to protest the General Assembly’s and the governor’s refusal to expand Medicaid under the Affordable Care Act. Their ideological decision puts a half-million lives at risk in this state, and estimates are that at least 2,000 will die prematurely because of this decision,

Those lives matter to me. Each one of them matters. I don’t care if it is a homeless person who is addicted to drugs and alcohol. I believe each life has worth. If you don’t believe the same, please don’t call yourself pro-life in front of me.

My primary passion is health care, but when we take away unemployment compensation from more than 70,000 people, it has consequences. Most of them also lack access to health care because you can’t pay for COBRA if you don’t have any income, and most adults aren’t eligible for Medicaid here in NC.

When we de-fund schools, we rob children of the chance to rise out of poverty and provide for themselves and their families. They also will be the ones most likely to not have access to health care later on.

These issues are deeply connected to each other. Living wage impacts poverty, and all the stresses that come with it. People who have enough to live on are healthier overall because they don’t have the stresses associated with poverty.

I have visited my legislators repeatedly to educate them on the importance of access to health care and about the lower costs associated with access to care. My representative voted against Medicaid expansion. He voted to cut unemployment benefits. He supports a voter ID law that is a thinly disguised poll tax.

I am frustrated beyond words. I cannot fathom the reasoning behind barring access to health care for 500,000 people.

Our state’s computer system is their first excuse. It isn’t up to the task, they say. But then they decline to mention that we turned down federal money to upgrade the system.

When I reminded them of that, they said we have to fix Medicaid first. Well, North Carolina’s Medicaid system was a national model until its funding was slashed two years ago. Restore the funding and the system will be a model again. Instead, though, they are going to try and privatize it the way they did with the mental health system a decade ago. That “reform,” you may recall, was an unmitigated disaster.

When I explain that, they usually have a meeting they have to rush off to.

They aren’t listening, and it frustrates those of us who oppose what they’re doing. My heart breaks for people who will die because of these misguided decisions; it breaks for the families of those casualties.

Unless you have held the hand of a loved one as he or she dies unnecessarily, you can’t know the pain.

As a person of faith, I take seriously the Bible’s instruction to care for “the least of these.” And it is not just Christianity that requires this of people; it is a basic tenet of every major religion, and it is important to just about every atheist I know.

That’s why nearly 400 people have gone into the Legislature Building and been arrested. Dozens of them are clergy. Some are teachers and professors, students, old, young, black, white, Asian, hippies and lawyers.  This is a diverse crowd, and its members are passionate about justice for all North Carolinians, not just the wealthiest.

As the ones being arrested go into the building, they are cheered by a crowd of thousands. Hundreds of people move to the side of the building to await the departure of prison buses filled with people who are not afraid to speak truth to power.

When I was arrested, those cheering voices assured me I was doing the right thing. They gave me courage and hope.

I do not go to Moral Mondays for political reasons; I go for moral reasons. I go because if I do nothing, I am as much to blame as those taking the immoral actions.

I go because every life has worth.

This was taken May 13, the night I got arrested.

Moral Monday is rolling around again, and I plan to go to Raleigh to support those people who are volunteering to be arrested.

I was arrested on May 13 and I am banned from Legislature property until my case is resolved. I go to court on July 1.

My friend, Sarah Skinner, and I are going and there’s room for two or three more people in my car. If we get enough people we can rent a 12-passenger van for the trip.

Sarah has been my traveling companion on several trips, including two to Washington for rallies and another two for the Occupy movement and one to Charlotte to take part in the Planned Parenthood demonstration during the Democratic National Convention.

We are fellow unreconstructed hippies.

Because Sarah is a breast cancer survivor, she started dying her hair pink during October for National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Now she calls the pink hair her “war paint,” so you’ll be able to spot us on Monday by her shocking pink mop-top.

We need more people to go to Raleigh and tell the General Assembly they work for us, and we are not happy. They may think we’re a nuisance, but they’re about to find out we’re much more than that — we are a movement.

So far, 157 people have been arrested for second-degree trespass, which is a misdemeanor. I doubt we’ll be placed on the no-fly list or locked up for an extended period.

I spent three hours in the jailhouse — some of the early protesters who were arrested have spent as much as eight or nine hours being processed. I think the processing is streamlined now that they know we’re going to be there in ever-increasing numbers.

I went to protest the refusal to expand Medicaid and the proposal to privatize it; others were there to protest the laws that harm unemployed people, students, workers, the environment, voters and low-income people.

There are so many reasons to protest it’s hard to pick just one. I have never seen anything like this group of legislators, and I’ve been aware of government abuses of power for 50 years.

When I have tried talking to these legislators, I get the brush-off or I get excuses filled with half-truths and out-and-out lies. When you call them on their lies, they change the subject or move on to another talking point. They aren’t listening.

They were elected to serve us, not corporate overlords, and yet they are serving the wealthiest and most powerful at our expense.

Sen. Tom Apodaca said we should know how he feels and he isn’t about to change his mind, no matter what the people think.

I don’t know what it will take to change the minds of some legislators, but we only need to reach a few to stop them from having a super-majority. Then we can work to throw the bums out in 2014.

As I said, Sarah and I are going. Anyone want to join us?

If you’re don’t stand up to protest injustice, you become part of it.

No one was targeting conservative groups. These political groups had applied for tax-free status and were being vetted for approval — as ALL groups must be before being granted tax-free status.

To get 501(c)(4) status, the group has to be working on social welfare programs as well as doing its political work. No more than half of its activities can be political. The IRS is tasked with making sure these guidelines are followed.

So, were they just looking at conservative groups? Here’s something from last week’s Congressional hearings:

Rep. Peter Roskam, R-IL: “How come only conservative groups got snagged?”

Outgoing acting IRS commissioner Steve Miller: “They didn’t sir. Organizations of all walks and all persuasions were pulled in. That’s shown by the fact that only 70 of the 300 organizations were tea party organizations, of the ones that were looked at by TIGTA [Treasury Inspector General for Tax Administration].”

That’s only about 25 percent.

But even though the truth is that right-wing groups weren’t targeted any more than anyone else, this is their story and they’re sticking to it because if you repeat a lie long enough, people will believe it.

Remember what happened with ACORN after the fake news story with pseudo-journalist James McKenzie posing as a pimp that was nothing more than a cleverly set up and carefully edited lie. It took down an organization that helped people register to vote.

The right-wing groups want people to believe they’re being persecuted, even though they’re not.

Or perhaps there’s good reason for their paranoia.

The reason these groups want 501(c)(4) status is because it allows them to keep their donors hidden, and they want to protect their sugar daddies and mamas.

Since the Citizens United decision allowing unlimited corporate money in elections, various groups have rushed to get 501(c)(4) status. The IRS, which is understaffed, didn’t have time to research every group, so its employees looked for flags that might suggest a group was mostly a political organization, which is ineligible for 501(c)(4) status.

Should IRS officials have searched for organizations with “Tea Party” or “Patriot” in their names? Probably not. But that’s about the worst thing that happened here.

This was the third “Moral Monday,” in which demonstrators go into the NC Legislature Building and refuse to leave.

Two weeks ago, there were just a few demonstrators, and 19 were arrested.

The action, led by the NC NAACP, is to protest the avalanche of backward legislation coming out of the General Assembly. Many of us have tried to talk to our legislators and have gotten nowhere. We’re met with lies and half-truths about the laws they’re passing — if they meet with us at all.

Tim Moffitt, my representative, called the Voter ID law a leg-up for people trying to get out of poverty because an ID will help them get a job.

“I wouldn’t hire somebody without a photo ID,” he said. “Would you?”

Actually, I would hire someone who doesn’t have a license, I said.

“I call it a $6 investment in someone’s future,” he said.

That would be fine as long as someone doesn’t need that $6 for food.

Nathan Ramsey told me we can’t expand Medicaid because the state’s computer system isn’t ready for it. I told him I happen to know we turned down federal money to get it ready. Then he said, “we have to fix Medicaid before we can expand it.”

I told him our Medicaid system was a national model until it was seriously under-funded two years ago, so all we have to do is fully fund it again.

They’re used to dealing with people who aren’t familiar enough with issues to see through a snow job, I guess.

We have e-mailed and called and gone in person to talk to legislators who don’t give a damn what we think or what’s best for the people they supposedly serve. They have said as much with their actions and even with such words as, “I am the Senator. You are the citizen. You need to be quiet.”

Each week’s bills have become more outrageous than the week before and there’s not any let-up.

Rev. William Barber, the head of the NC NAACP, led a group of about 300 of us into the building a month ago and we delivered letters to legislators, who ignored us. Thom Tillis actually ran away from us.

So, two weeks ago, a few dozen people went into the Legislature Building, “The People’s House,” as the Rev. Barber calls it, and 19 refused to leave. They were arrested.

Last week, more people went and 30 were arrested.

Last night, hundreds of people went in, singing and chanting, and 49 of us were arrested.

I have never been arrested before, but it is time to stand up for justice.

My issue is health care, but they have attacked us on so many fronts, we have united to say we will not stand for these injustices. As we chanted last night, “The people, united, will never be defeated!”

We were arrested as we sang “We Shall not be Moved,” and led away with our hands bound by zip-ties, still singing as they loaded us onto the elevator. We had our belongings taken from us and were loaded onto a bus, where we chanted and sang some more. We worked together to open the bus windows to alleviate the stifling heat. Of course, that allowed our chants and songs to be heard by the crowd of hundreds across the street, who cheered and waved as each of us was loaded onto the bus, still singing.

As the bus pulled out, we chanted, “The people, united, will never be defeated!” People standing on the sidewalk said they could hear us and several were moved to tears.

We were proud, we were defiant; we were not intimidated, and we chanted all the way to the jailhouse. The chant became musical and some people began to harmonize. It was a beautiful, powerful sound and it gave each of us courage.

Once in the jailhouse garage, we began to sing, “We Shall Overcome,” and we continued to sing as we were led inside and placed on steel benches, our voices echoing in the cavernous garage.

One by one, our zip-ties were removed and we were searched and processed. One person began to sing, “Freedom, freedom freedom, freedom, oh-oh, freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom,” and soon several of us were singing and harmonizing. The song became a prayer as we swayed and sang, and the police watched.

We were processed, one by one, and moved to the next bench, where we sang again.

“Freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom, oh-oh, freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom.”

They made us take our shoelaces out of our shoes and we joked about how much cuter our shoes had been with laces as they flopped when we walked.

Those of us who have been arrested have been banned from the Legislative Building until our court cases have been resolved, so the people who were arrested in previous weeks stood across the street, singing and chanting encouragement.

The first of us were released in about three hours, and we were met by a cheering crowd that included a legislator or two. We walked into the waiting arms of Rev. Barber and Rev. Curtis Gatewood, and then were led to food and drink before we were shuttled back to our cars.

I spent the night with my friend, Carol, who stayed up until after 2 a.m. with me, searching the Web for news of the Moral Mondays demonstration. I had seen the first news report while we were being booked on News 14, and now there were several.

State Sen. Tom Apodaca called us a “nuisance,” and said we all should know by now that he doesn’t care what we think.

Well, I believe the movement will grow. I believe the legislators will have to care because we will not go away. Those of us who have been arrested and threatened with real jail time if we go back will be replaced by people who will join the movement. Each week it will grow.

Moral Mondays will continue for awhile at least, and the movement will need more people to stand up for justice.

Our freedom requires people who are willing to fight, so if you want to go, whether you can be arrested or not, check the NC NAACP web site, sign up and go to Raleigh next Monday or the Monday after …

If we don’t take action now, things will only get worse.

So much is going to hell with our current General Assembly, they are wreaking such havoc with education, health care, unemployment, voting rights, women’s rights …

It has to stop. We have to stop it. And we can begin by showing up at the Legislature Building — “the people’s building,” as NAACP President Rev. William Barber calls it — and refusing to leave as the NC NAACP sponsors Moral Mondays.

If enough of us do it, maybe something will get through, if not to the legislature, then to the people of this state.

Protest is our Constitutional right, and we need to exercise it.

Last month I spent a week trying to convince people to attend a legislative day with me and not one person went.

I’m still hearing all the noise about how awful things are, how far backward we’re careening with this legislature, so is ANYONE from the area willing to come with me?

You don’t have to get arrested; you can leave the building when ordered and still make a pretty powerful statement with your presence at the protest. I, however, intend to be arrested.

When I was in Raleigh last month for the legislative day, Rev. Barber said he would begin civil disobedience actions soon. Well, they have begun and it’s time to take part.

If you know me, you know my primary issue is health care, but all of these social justice issues are connected. People who live in poverty are more likely to have unsafe housing, to have less access to healthy food, to be exploited by employers. They are far more likely to die from treatable or manageable illnesses like high blood pressure, diabetes and cancer.

This isn’t Democrat and Republican, this is life and death.

It’s time to stand up and be counted, to risk arrest for what I believe in, to tell the world that we in North Carolina are not the mean-spirited, greedy, selfish people who sit in the General Assembly.

Our social safety net is shredded and almost gone. People are going to die as a consequence, and I feel compelled to go and fight for those lives.

I am a survivor of child sex abuse. My abuser was someone my family loved and trusted and he went to his grave with “our secret” intact.

Ten years ago, a man in our church was convicted of raping his 9-year-old grand-niece and sent to prison. On Palm Sunday that year, our pastor preached a sermon about redemption and forgiveness. He said the man is still a child of God and we are called to love him.

My thought was, “God forgive me, but no way!”

Later, I sent an e-mail to the pastor to tell him about what survivors of childhood sex abuse face for the rest of their lives, and explaining why I wasn’t ready to love this man. Leave it to God to love him, I said, because I can’t.

As a Christian, I knew the pastor was right, but I wasn’t there yet. I know what that little girl will have to deal with for the rest of her life.

Then on Friday, I ran into someone I know from around town, who gave me a big bear hug. We began talking about the book I’m trying to write about my son’s life, and he offered me some advice about the writer’s block I’m trying to get past. I have reached the part where Mike moved to Savannah, but I know what happens next and on some level I don’t want to write it.

“Just write,” my friend said. “You can go back and rewrite later, but you need to keep moving ahead. Don’t allow yourself to be stuck.”

He showed me a book on grammar he just published and mentioned he had sent it to a couple of people at the paper, but hadn’t heard anything back.

“They have issues with me,” he said. “I can’t blame them. I had a scrape with the law a few years ago.”

He spoke as though I would know what it was, and when I didn’t, he reminded me: he had been caught up in child porn. I could see the shock on my husband’s face and hoped mine didn’t show the same.

“I did 10 months in prison,” he said. “I went through a lot of counseling, did a lot of self-examination and I understand a lot about myself now.”

So, he’s in recovery much the same as my son was after he quit drugs and alcohol.

So now I am faced with a real person who has done something abominable. Do I believe the words I have preached all my life about people who have done things wrong and then sincerely repented, or am I a hypocrite?

This man could have run to a town where people didn’t know him or his past. He could have walked away from here, except this is his home. He has faced the consequences for the terrible thing he did and now is trying to rebuild his life.

It would have been easier if he had robbed a liquor store and shot someone. Part of me wanted to ask if he had any idea what happened to those children he was looking at, but then I realized that’s part of what he deals with every day now as he tries to move ahead in his life.

If I am to get beyond what happened to me — which I can not change — then I have to allow others to get beyond their past as well.

I can rewrite portions of my book, but not my life. I can’t bring Mike back; I can’t retrieve my innocence. I have to look ahead. Just as my friend is trying to do; in fact, it’s all he has now.

Perhaps the best way to heal myself is to walk with him as a friend so perhaps we can heal together.

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev

Boston Bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev deserves a fair trial.

I know there are plenty of people who disagree with me, but as horrible as the crime was, we live in a country where the Constitution guarantees him a fair trial.

I had a lengthy discussion on Facebook last night (and continuing into today) about whether Tsarnev deserves a trial before we kill him, preferably the same way he killed the two people in Boston.

First of all, even if he has confessed, he still has a right to a trial. One person kept saying he gave up those rights when he set the bombs, but our Constitutional rights are supposed to be inviolate. The reason they were established was for cases like this one, where people are calling for a lynching.

On March 5, 1770, British soldiers killed five citizens. Attorney John Adams (later vice president and president) agreed to defend the soldiers at trial because this founding father believed everyone has the right to a fair trial. That right was enshrined into the Constitution because of cases like this one, where the accused has committed a particularly heinous crime.

But this is still the United States and we are still a nation governed by laws, not whims. You may want this man dead, but that doesn’t make it right to kill him.

I have been accused of condoning terrorist acts and of supporting terrorism because I want to see this man get a fair trial. I know it comes from emotion, but really, it’s quite a stretch from defending someone’s rights under the US Constitution to being a supporter of terror.

As for the death penalty, I see that as a way to increase the body count by one. That’s about it. I do not condone the taking of a life, especially in a nation where so many innocent people have sat on Death Row.

For one thing, there’s that pesky period at the end of the Sixth Commandment. No footnotes, no exceptions, “Thou shalt not kill.”

Some say the word is more accurately translated as murder, but if you’re pumping poison into someone to stop his or her heart, that’s a deliberate killing, which is the definition of murder.

And as my favorite lapel button says, “Why do we kill people who kill people to prove that killing people is wrong?”

Finally, when we end someone’s life, we rob them of any chance of redemption. I don’t think it’s ever our call to do that.

So, let me say it again, I am not a terrorist and I don;t support acts of terror; I just think this kid deserves his Constitutional rights, just as I do.

Dan Peterson

My friend Dan Petersen has decided to fast, perhaps with prayer, perhaps with meditation. I think he got the idea when Asheville Mayor Terry Bellamy said she would fast and pray about the financial mess the city is in because of the state’s raid of its assets.

I ran into Dan last week and he told me about the fast and asked if he could send me e-mails documenting his progress, and I responded by asking if I could post the e-mails.

The deal was made. Here is Dan’s first e-mail:

Here I am at the end of day three. Time just flies by these days, and in the interest of feeling less food obsessed I’m glad for it. Day three is always a milestone in the world of fasting. If it’s a three day fast (quite a typical period for a cleanse) then woo-hoo lets have a little breakfast. If it’s a longer fast then its a milestone because by now one’s body has switched to it’s reserve feeding process. It is now consuming fat rather than quick at-hand resources that everyday eating provides. And for some reason the feeling of being hungry now subsides. So… not that it’s a breeze, but it’s a lot easier than most people think.

 As far as the prayer portion of “fasting with prayer” goes, it may or may not be easy. I think it depends on where one has been on the journey with regard to religion, spirituality, family, self awareness and confidence. And the confidence part, at least for me, changes all the time.

 I personally was brought up going to a Christian church, and so by default, lean in that direction. But what I have deemed to be lies, deception, treachery and simply put, outright abuse by those so-called Christian leaders both close and far have given me a sour taste for my religion.

 Though in truth I think all religions are in the same boat. Not bad, just victims of the wretched people who abuse the power.

 I keep reminding myself that the Jesus person also was disgusted by what was being passed off as religion in his day. And that he must have felt as angry and bitter toward those leaders as I do about our present day pharisee-like leaders today.

 Particularly when blended with dirty politics.

 So I would have to say that many of my prayers, were they aloud, would sound more like a barroom brawl. And in my prayers, I’m winning the fight and our illustrious pharisee leaders in Raleigh are catching the business end of thrown beer mugs right in the chops.

 But then I realize that is exactly what they are legislatively doing to the good people of North Carolina. And I don’t want to be anything like them. So if prayers have anything to do with religion, I need new prayers, new understanding of what my religion should mean to me.

 The Dalai Lama person seemed to say it the best for me in this quote:

“The very purpose of religion is to control yourself, not to criticize others. Rather, we must criticize ourselves. How much am I doing about my anger? About my attachment, about my hatred, about my pride, my jealousy? These are the things that we must check in life.”

 Perhaps I should send this quote to our present day pharisees.

“Let he who has no sin cast the first stone.”

Last week, Archbishop Allen Vigneron of Detroit’s Archdiocese told millions of Catholics that they should self-excommunicate themselves from the Catholic Church. Yes, you heard me right: self-excommunication:

The archbishop of Detroit told Catholics who support same sex marriage that they should effectively excommunicate themselves.

Archbishop Allen Vigneron on Sunday said that Catholics who support marriage equality and try to receive Communion would “logically bring shame for a double-dealing that is not unlike perjury,” according to the Detroit Free Press.

He went on to insist “that the Church wanted to help Catholics to “avoid this personal disaster” of effectively having to excommunicate themselves.”

He was a bit late coming to the party, as last month Sacred Heart Major Seminary canon law professor Edward Peters, stated that anyone who supports either same-sex marriage or is pro-choice should not be allowed to receive Holy Communion (Sacrament of the Eucharist), because their thinking is in contrast with Canon Law (the Laws of the Catholic Church).

Those of you who have been so generous and kind as to follow this humble blog know that I was born and raised in the Catholic faith. I had the benefit of twelve and a half years of Catholic education (my first school in kinder closed for lack of attendance, thus landing me in public school for part of a year before being securely installed in Catholic School for good). I was educated by the good Sisters of The Holy Cross, and later by the fine priests of the Augustinian order at a Catholic prep school (I tested well and got a scholarship, and it got me away from the idiots I was stuck with for the first eight years). I have only benefited from my fine Catholic education and am grateful for it.

In my college years, I had my requisite time of wandering from my faith, and when I had kids, we dabbled in the Episcopal Church for a spell, a faith for which I have nothing but the greatest respect, and in which my firstborn was baptized. But it just wasn’t quite the same. Maybe it was the years of Catholic guilt so well-instilled in me – I was always a good student – I don’t know, but it just didn’t feel right. I felt as if I was betraying my faith. When I had my second child, we went back to the Church, and as the kids grew, I offered to teach CCD (Catechism, Sunday School) because I knew my son would never sit still for the hours of religious education demanded to receive his first communion. (My friends and I still marvel at the kind of desperation that a parish would have to actually put the snarky and sarcastic me, of all people, in a room full of children to propagate the faith to future little Catholics.)

Actually, thanks to my strong Catholic education, I know my faith. I know and believe in the tenets of my faith, the words found in the Apostle’s Creed and the Nicene Creed. I was taught by the nuns that to live my faith, that my conscience must ultimately be my guide. And by the wonderful Augustinian fathers, to be rational and value logic and scholarly work. (They introduced my young, nerdy self to the Great Books, for which I will forever be grateful.) And I credit my mother and grandmother for teaching me that faith is not what I learned daily in religion class, but by the good works I put forth in this world. I learned from their kindness, their generosity, their open and caring ways with everyone around us: from those who had less than we did, to the junkies at Teen Challenge where she donated food on a regular basis, to the way that my gay and lesbian friends were always treated and seen as the good people they were/are.

In all my years growing up in the Church, I was never taught that thought crimes were ex-communicable. I was never taught by the priests or nuns, or my lay teachers or parents, that God hated anyone. (Okay, maybe the Communists.) Or that you didn’t belong in the Church if you thought others should be treated with the same dignity to which you were entitled, or that you had the very American view that there is a separation of Church and State. (Lots of grumbling about school prayer, but not much to come of it.)

Apparently, in all those years of Catholic School, and all my years of teaching the faith to tiny Catholics, I didn’t realize that I should be ex-communicating myself. Of course, this concept seems as bizarre as that of self-deportation, a comedic spoof that became a party line for Mittens Romney in the last election. It seemed as absurd as can be, until I realized that these people were serious. They were actually speaking out, warning people to avoid the fate of self-excommuinication! This wasn’t The Onion; these people were serious!!! Well, at least I was in good company with Nancy Pelosi, Jennifer Granholm and Andrew Cuomo, folks whom other American Canon Law experts and some bishops felt should not be allowed to receive communion, either.

I don’t know if you’ve seen the HBO documentary, Mea Culpa: Silence in The House of God. If you haven’t, you should. It is a horrifying topic, the worldwide abuse of children by priests, and just as repulsive, the extensive measures taken to cover up the abuse. These egregious acts, both the molestation and the whitewashing done by the Church, did not only happen in the U.S., but worldwide, since as far back as the 1400s. (Yes, you read that right…) Records about these crimes exist in the Vatican, walled off from the world in perpetuity. The movie focuses on the perspective of the victims, and the priests that tried to stop the vicious cycle of simply removing priests and putting them in another parish far away to supervise yet another group of altar boys. (Seriously. I couldn’t make that up.) But it also documents the unholy extremes to which the Church hierarchy went in order to cover the whole mess up. Take a look at the preview:

It is a chilling look at the “sins of the fathers,” so to speak, and with a direct line to Cardinal Ratzinger: yes, our presently retired Pope Benedict. He decreed that he was to have every report of sexual abuse of minors cross his desk, no exceptions. Ironically, his retirement occurred shortly after the release of Mea Culpa…The fact that this went on in the Church of my childhood for so very long, and with the implicit permission, no the grace of the Holy See, is truly evil incarnate. It is the very definition of the sin of omission, a mortal sin that I was taught was horribly wrong, sins that were presuming to hide something from God, who could see your every action.

Here was the kicker for me: these priests were not defrocked, they were not removed from the priesthood. They remain as priests in good standing, to be taken care of by the Church in their long and enjoyable retirements. They remain as priests today, some have died and been buried as priests. But as God’s representatives on earth they remain.

And I am supposed to be the one to excommunicate myself? Right now, I am presently a lapsed Catholic. Some call us “cultural Catholics” now…I kind of like that term. The reasons I don’t go to Mass and contribute to the collection basket are many and varied. Here are a few samples:

• I disagree with the Church on the submissive role of women and the lack of women in leadership positions in the Church – Jesus was BFFs with Mary Magdalene. How do we know she wasn’t an apostle? And who stayed at the foot of the cross while His disciples ran for cover? The women: Mary, St. Anne and their posse. Just sayin’…
• There is no way on this Earth that you can possibly convince me that God does not love my friends whose orientations are not straight, or that they are going to Hell for loving someone. They are our family, and some of my kids’ best role models for what it means to live your Christian faith, in their actions and their words.
• I’ve shaken hands with people who offer me the sign of peace during Mass, and then give me dirty looks as they see my “Pro-Child, Pro-Family, Pro-Choice” bumper sticker in the parking lot afterward.
• I’ve sat through the CCD teacher required sexual predator training, despite having had extensive and ongoing training as a credentialed teacher. The training was on the eve of a California election that had a “teacher tenure” measure on the ballot. To end the evening, instead of thanking their lay volunteers for doing the work they do in our parish, the sister pontificated on the vast numbers of public school teachers who have their credentials pulled because they are child molesters. She waved a sheaf of papers in her hand to illustrate her point. Then prompted people to vote against the anti-teacher law. I gave Sister a piece of my mind, to be saved for another post, and stormed out. That was the last straw. I finished what I had promised, to see my class through their receiving of their first Holy Eucharist, and resigned. I haven’t been back since.

But this recent statement by Archbishop Vigneron, speaking as all archbishops do, on behalf of the Church, just simply reeked of hypocrisy. I am told that I should refrain from practicing my faith, that I should excommunicate myself from the Church, for believing that I should not, as an American Catholic, legislate the morality of others in regards to same-sex marriage or abortion, or the ordination of women as priests  (yes, those are my thought crimes), yet these vile, perverse creatures that have been held up as God’s representatives of His kingdom on Earth are allowed to continue to wear the vestments and maintain their status received in the Sacrament of Holy Orders??? Un-frigging-believable.

I don’t currently attend Mass, because of the reasons listed above above and several others. I miss  the Mass, and I miss receiving the sacraments. I miss the fellowship of the Church. But excommunicate myself? Tell you what, Holy See, I will make you a deal. The minute that the Church excommunicates the monsters that they protected, those so-called “Men of God” who felt they had the right and the protection to prey on innocent children who have been taught that priests speak for God, as soon as they are excommunicated, along with Ratzinger and all the rest who covered up those abhorrent crimes against children, then, and only then, will I even consider self-excommunication. Deal? I didn’t think so.

When the Holy See protects child molesters and those who hide their actions, and punished priests who tried to step forward and report such atrocious acts, that cannot be rationalized away under Canon Law. Or civil law, for that matter. It disgraces the good men and women who serve in Christ, who taught me and my sisters all those years and gave us good faith and wise counsel – they do exist! Perhaps when the hypocrisy in the Church ends, they will begin to see their numbers grow again, because there are still many of us who believe in our faith and long to return. But we don’t believe in our Church hierarchy anymore and won’t continue to support it. And to turn someone away from their apostolic faith is a mortal sin as well. Maybe our new Pope will recognize the hypocrisy in the Catholic Church, the sins of the fathers, and make right by the real Church, its faithful. Until then, in good conscience, I remain a lapsed and doubting Thomas.