A Writer's Mess..

Just another story - 10

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 07:42:00 +0000

I kept myself busy for the next couple of days. Even though I didn’t want Maya to call me, I expected her to. But surprise surprise! She didn’t. I didn’t either.

The days went by slowly, with me picking up my phone every two minutes to check if she’s called or texted. I soon ended up checking my email and facebook every ten minutes. Nothing. Although, it seemed as though her presence was stalking me. Facebook insisted on showing her face right at the top of my friends list. Her favourite movie would be on as I channel surfed. Her favourite pizza place would just decide to open a branch right outside my place. Maybe it was just me, or maybe something in the universe was trying to tell me something.

Luckily for me, I threw myself into work. It was easy, there was always so much to do. At work, I could be normal and sane but back home, I went crazy. The first couple of days were especially hard. I did everything to get my mind off her. I went out with pretty women, I had boys night outs and of course, there was always work.

But I don’t know, after a week or so, I realized that I really missed her. And then another thought entered my head, didn’t she miss me? Why didn’t she just pick up the phone and call? I had said I wanted to leave and she had just let me go. Why didn’t she stop me?

Maybe she was mad at me. That was easy to rectify. She could never stay mad at me, I knew that. Maybe she wanted me to call. Maybe I should just call. What was the big hullabaloo about anyway? I would call her and ask her to meet me. Like always. Yeah, Maya would understand. She knew me. More importantly, she would know that whatever it was, I wanted to brush it aside and move on.

So I called her. She answered on the first ring. Maybe she was waiting for me to call too.

“Hey!” Just the sound of her voice was enough to cheer me up.

“Hey..” I said awkwardly. I didn’t know how to proceed.

“I’ve missed you!”She exclaimed. I could imagine her clutching her phone tightly next to her face.

Suddenly I felt strange again. Why had she gone and said that? All those thoughts which had started this whole thing came rushing back to back.

“Umm. I missed you too.” I responded, not feeling that confident about it.

“So… we cool now?” She asked uncertainly.

“Ummm, sure, I guess.” That’s what I had called for right?

“So.. you want to catch up today?” She asked.

There! She did it again! I felt myself withdraw again.

“Today is difficult. Let’s see.” I commented half heartedly.

“Oh.” I knew from the tone of her voice, that I hadn’t fooled her. She knew exactly where I was going from here. Finally I heard her sigh.

“Why did you call me Arvind?” she asked, disappointment obvious in her voice.

“I don’t know” I replied honestly. She didn’t reply for the longest time. After a while, the awkwardness got to me.

“Listen, I was just stepping out. I’ll call you later.” I mumbled as I rushed to hang up the phone.

“See ya.”

I knew then and I guess she also knew, that most probably the relationship we had shared was over. You may say its childish and stupid but such is life. Sometimes we do the stupidest of things and they change our life in the most unimaginable ways.

When I had started off with this whole thing, I had been so sure of myself. So sure of what I wanted. Now? Now I’m not so sure. I know I will be perfectly fine without her. Eventually. But did I really want that?

Photograph via sxc.hu

Just another story - 9

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 12:18:00 +0000

I went back to my place after that and I crashed as soon as my head hit the pillow. I had the oddest of dreams that night. I was still at Maya’s place but Maya wasn’t there. I look everywhere but I don’t find her. The dream was so real, that I was bathed in sweat by the time I got up. I immediately reached for my phone. There were a couple of texts and a zillion calls from Maya.

WHERE ARE YOU?!

Did you just leave when I was sleeping?

What’s up with you??

Are you mad at me or something?

Dude! What’s wrong?!

Okay, I’m just going to leave you alone assuming you are sleeping. Call me when you get up!!!!!

I re-read her messages. I didn’t know what to think. Suddenly guilt overwhelmed me. Why had I walked out like I did? I read them again. Man! She sounded a little pushy didn’t she? The more I read them, the more I didn’t feel like calling her.

I missed her call again, and the next one. Why was she calling me so many times? I kept my phone on silent and went around doing my thing. Sooner or later she would stop. Right?

Anyway, this just proves I was right all along. She IS in fact expecting something from our friendship. Would a normal friend make so many calls or send so many texts? Glad I figured it out now.

Phew! What a crazy relationship that would have been? What was I thinking!

After an hour or so, she stopped calling, but I didn’t stop checking my phone. A couple of hours later, I called her.. You know, to just tell her, that I knew how she felt and to put an end to it. After all, she was a friend, I didn’t want to hurt her.

She answered on the first ring, “Hey” She said calmly.

“Hey, you slept okay?” I tried to play it cool.

“Yes and you?” She asked.

“Like a baby.” I replied.

“Uh huh, now will you please tell me where the hell you are?!” Her voice was getting a little pitchy now. “Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?”

I sighed, this was what I was afraid of. Things getting ugly. “Maya, calm down!”

She stopped immediately. An awkward silence followed.

“Maya, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” I said confidently.

“Sorry? What isn’t a good idea” Confusion was apparent in her voice.

I would have to lay it down for her. “Us, hanging out together.”

“Oh!” She said quietly. After a long silence, she continued, “I don’t know what’s up with you, but I hope you get over it quickly.”

With an abrupt click, she hung up.

I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath. A huge sigh escaped me as I hung up. Relief?I hadn’t realized I was so worked up about this. An unpleasant feeling surrounded me. I don’t know. Maybe what I had done wasn’t right. It certainly was going to be difficult, but it was all for Maya. Somehow, I convinced myself, that I was doing it all for Maya.

Photograph via sxc.hu

Just another story - 8

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 10:51:00 +0000

To my surprise, for a while she didn’t react. Her arms lay limp by her side. I could feel her lean backwards as I held her. As I moved away slightly, she looked up at me, this questioning look in her eyes. I didn’t have anything to say and I had hoped that she had understood what I had been trying to convey to her. Slowly, a smile had appeared on her face and she had put her arms around my neck and stayed like that. I remember people around us had stared at us, but I don’t think either of us cared.

When she finally let go she had very simply said, thanks, I needed that.

I settled down on her couch and tried to get some sleep. Maya was one of those early birds unfortunately. Yes, you know the type. The ones who can’t stay awake beyond ten and can’t sleep beyond 8 am. Sometimes I ask myself why I’m friends with this woman. I can never come up with a good enough reason.

As I got comfortable, I realized that I had started my new year with Maya. I mean, sure I could have been with my friends but I don’t know. At the risk of sounding very chick like, this was nice too. Just sitting around, chatting with Maya.

Life would be all too easy if Maya and I got together. I know that. We get along really well, my friends love her and she’s just great. But she’s not my type. I like my women to be a little more mysterious, a little more glamorous. Maya just.. you know, she was always there. Consistent, affectionate, funny, accommodating. The perfect friend. Of course, she complained when I didn’t show up on time, or when I didn’t shave but she quickly forgot about it. She didn’t hold any grudges, she forgave and actually forgot.

I know she sounds just perfect. But that’s on paper. Guys will get this. I hope. There is just something missing. I can’t place my finger on it. But I have thought about it. I don’t know if she has. She never shows any signs. I know she dotes on me, but that’s it. Sometimes, I wonder what is wrong with me. I wonder why she doesn’t have any feelings for me. I’m not being narcissist here, I’m just saying. What’s wrong with Maya that she doesn’t feel anything for me? I’m not repulsive, I know for a fact that she enjoys spending time with me.

Okay, now you see. This is where relationships between a guy and a girl go haywire. When this angle comes into play. Now I know I won’t be able to look at her without wondering whether she has had the same thoughts. I somehow think it’s a terrible idea, you know, friends hooking up but I wouldn’t have mind giving it a shot, had it been anyone but Maya. I didn’t want to lose her, if I goofed up. Which I invariably did. But there were just so many around, that I didn’t see the need to go back and settle things. When it came to love and relationships, my motto was, to each his own.

I mean, if you didn’t look out for yourself, who would? No, I would stay away from Maya. Just then another thought struck me. What did she make of my staying over and commenting on her dates all the time? Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea staying back. I didn’t want her to think I was hitting on her or anything. Or that we could be.

On an impulse, I crept back into her room to check on her. She was fast asleep, her arm stretched out and her fist clenched. I had to smile. She claimed it was the most comfortable sleeping position but it looked more like she was trying to box somebody. I unclenched her fist and put her arm under her blanket. I pecked her forehead before I walked out. I knew what I was going to do next would probably hurt her, but it had to be done. I had to make it absolutely clear to her that we could never be together. I didn’t want her to feel misled or tricked.

I turned and walked out of her house, shutting the door behind me as I left.

Photograph via sxc.hu

Just another story - 7

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 08:09:00 +0000

We stayed up till wee hours of the morning, just kidding around. As dawn started creeping in, I could tell she was tired. She would yawn a little and then immediately look mortified. I think somewhere deep down she harboured some kind of formality towards me. Now that I think about it, she always asked me if I wanted something to drink or eat when I came over. It’s a different story that if I said yes, she would direct me to the kitchen and ask me to help myself.

But that didn’t stop her from asking every time.

She stretched out luxuriously, lay her head down on the pillow and closed her eyes. Within minutes, she would drift into dreamland. I got off the bed, turned off the lights and went into her living room. All I saw as I walked around were traces of Maya's personality. Books, music, handwritten notes. It was this odd little habit she had. She used to write little notes to remind herself of the things she wanted to do and keep it in places where she could see often. Some were silly, some poetic, some just crazy! I smiled as I picked up a note which read travel around the world!!!

There were times like these when I couldn’t understand why Maya wasn’t with somebody. I could see nothing wrong with her. She was great! I had introduced her to a whole bunch of my friends and she had hit it off with all of them. But they never saw her as more than a friend. Neither did she, for that matter.

I just didn’t get it. She would find these random people in random places. I should know, I was one of them. I mean one of those random people in a random place.

Her friendships were far too many and far too scattered. She shared a different kind of bond with all of us, I guess I should say us. I had tried asking her about it, but she had nonchalantly commented, I don’t know what to make of it either. Maybe she noticed something in us that we didn't know existed.

Her radiant, happy face was what made everybody gravitate towards her. Most of the times, she had this bright dazzling smile on. Most people saw the superficial smile and assumed things were always great in her life. I was like that too. Never realized that she too could have some problems, some heartbreaks.

Like the other day, I knew something had happened when she had asked me to come pick her up. But like I said, she never told me what it was. And I never asked. I figured she just needed some time to get over it, whatever it was. Besides, after that one isolated episode, she’d brushed aside the incident as though it didn’t matter at all.

I noticed it, one fine day, that flitter of sadness over her face. I had looked around, wondering if anyone else had seen it too. Others had been blissfully unaware, they were still joking around. She was laughing too, only now I could see, that the laughter wasn’t reaching her eyes like it did normally. I remember wondering if I was imagining things.

I ignored it then, ignored it the next day and the day after. After a while, I couldn’t understand why it was obvious only to me that Maya was terribly sad. She never uttered a word. Normally, I wouldn’t have bothered asking her. My logic was, when she wanted to, she would talk about it. But I knew Maya had a strange way of dealing with things. I asked her about it directly one day. I could tell that she was horrified that I had noticed, but she’d pooh-paahed my observations.

Your imagination is working overtime, she’d accused me. But I had known I was right. It wasn’t as though I wanted to talk about things she didn’t want to talk about, God forbid! Nothing like that. I just wanted her to feel better. Genuinely better. I wanted that carefree, happy and straightforward Maya back. Not this one, who thought she had to pretend to be happy around friends.

I had tried to make her laugh, it wasn’t too hard. Laughter was something which came naturally to her. But it never lasted. I could see glimmers of that smile that had me hooked, but somehow it never came to the forefront. Then one day, I found myself alone with her. Everyone had just left and we were saying our goodbyes. As I hugged her goodbye, I held on to her for a moment longer, long enough for her to understand that even though I didn’t get what was wrong with her, I was there for her. Long enough for her to know that I would never let her be alone. Long enough for her to know that she had a friend who saw right through her.

Photograph via sxc.hu

Just another story - 6

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 08:09:00 +0000

She left the door open and walked in. I followed her. Her house was more or less my second home. She got into bed and pulled up the covers up to her chin. I sat at the far end of the bed.

I remembered the first time I had stayed over at her place. Boy was she mad! I’d just had a drunken spree and had been unceremoniously dumped in front of Maya’s house. I had stumbled over, tripping over everything that came in my way. I still remember the look on Maya’s face as she had opened the door carefully wondering who was making that racket in the middle of the night.

Relief had flashed instantly over her face that it was me and not some crazy lunatic trying to break down her front door. Laughter had followed, at my obviously drunken state and then finally horror, when she realized that I was being dumped at her place for the night.

Though I must say, that after the initial shock, she recovered pretty quickly and took me under her wing like a drill sergeant. I don’t remember much, but I do remember feeling warm and cared for.

The next morning was no better. I guess I must thank my lucky stars that I wasn’t hurling all over her place. She hadn’t said much, for that I was grateful. She let me sleep it off, made breakfast for me when I got up and just, you know, let me be.

Of course, little did I know that someday, I would have to return the favour when she had called me, totally distressed, to come pick her up from a god forsaken place. I had found her in tears with no one else in sight. I could only guess what had happened. She never told me.

She had hid under her covers and begged me to leave, but obviously, it didn’t seem right leaving her at that moment. So I had stayed. I had made us some dinner and settled down at the edge of her bed. Just like today.

She was looking at me curiously, why are you here?

Whoa! I thought I could come anytime! I joked.

She raised one brow, Oh really?

I smiled as she did that. The raised eyebrow thing. It was almost as though she was trying to give me a dirty look but failing miserably at it. Most times I humoured her. My logic was, if she realized it was ineffective, she would just stop doing it.

I laughed, so how was your date?

She shrugged indifferently, He was okay.

I don’t know why, I felt like getting some details, meeting him again?

Probably, she responded.

Did he ask you? I persisted.

Not yet, but we did exchange numbers. And he sent me a text. Why the cross examination? She asked, a little puzzled at my interest.

Truth be told, I was pretty puzzled by it too.

Whatever you do, don’t text him okay? I advised.

She laughed, now YOU are giving me love advice? Oh my! Things must looking really bleak for me.

I knew she was joking, but I didn’t like the fact that she didn’t think I was capable of giving serious advice.

I laughed it off too.

Photograph via sxc.hu

Just another story - 5

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 06:08:00 +0000

My date and I, we had a perfectly nice evening, or whatever was left of it. The night sky looked beautiful as I drove her back to her place. As I walked her to the door, I realized she was probably expecting me to kiss her goodnight. It was something I had learnt about women. Apparently, simple things like walking a girl home or waiting till she’s safely inside earn you major brownie points.

Anyway, I didn’t know what to do. I know what you are thinking. Honestly, even I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I just knew I didn’t want to take things forward with this girl. Something about her just wasn’t right. I couldn’t put my finger on it. She looked fantastic, we got along okay, she didn’t have any obvious issues. Still, it was a gut feeling.

I held her by the shoulders and kissed her on her cheek. She stared at me in disbelief. I didn’t blame her; I was finding my actions unbelievable. Finally, I did what Maya had taught me to do. I was straight with her.

I told her that I thought she was great but I didn’t see us together at all. What I got wasn’t what Maya had prepared me for. She struck me across the face with all her might, “Are you telling me I spent new year’s eve with you for nothing?” She screamed.

I should have known it was a bad time to crack a joke. “Hey, at least it was free.” I commented.

I guess I should be thanking my stars that all she did was slam her door. I got in the car and drove away. I didn’t want to go home. It was the New Year after all. I went to the only place I knew I was welcome at all times. I went to Maya’s house.

All the lights were turned off when I reached her place. For a moment, I wondered if she was there. Maybe she was still out with that guy, I forget his name now. I rang the bell and waited a while. There was no movement in the house. I was about to go away when a light came on. She was home.

Another thought struck me, maybe so was he. Suddenly I began questioning the smartness of my decision to come to Maya’s. If I had a girl home and Maya had turned up, I know for sure I wouldn’t have been too pleased. But before I could turn around and run, the door opened and a disheveled Maya appeared. Clearly, she had been sleeping.

“What are you doing here?” She had asked, surprised but still pleased to see me. She stepped into my arms and hugged me tightly as though she hadn’t seen me in ages. “Come on in..” She invited.

I hesitated, “Where’s your friend?” I asked.

“I sent him home. Where’s yours?” She asked me in return.

“I dropped her back. Something didn’t feel right about her.” I said.

She stared at me for the longest time and then murmured softly, so softly that I would have missed it had I not been standing so close to her. You are so stupid.

She left the door open and walked in.

As I followed her in, I couldn’t help but wonder what she was referring to. She called me names all the time, but never in that wistful, half sighing kind of tone. I wish I knew what she meant.

Photograph via sxc.hu

Just another story - 4

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 08:08:00 +0000

She’s walking away with the guy now. He’s leading her by the elbow, the perfect gentleman. I’ve never held her like that. I’m not saying that I’ve never held her, of course I have. Just not like that. She turns by the door before they disappear from my line of sight. There is something in her eyes that I can’t figure out. She doesn’t respond to my smile, she looks straight at me, expecting something.

See, it’s at times like these when I suddenly realize that underneath that tomboyish attitude, there is a girl. There are times when I find her gazing into the horizon thinking thoughtfully, but when I ask her about it, she smiles and says nothing. I know womenfolk say it all the time, and it almost never is “nothing” but with Maya, I leave it at that. I guess when she is good and ready; she’ll let me know what’s on her mind.

She doesn’t find what she was looking for and disappears, dejected.

Sometimes I wonder… But that’s another story.

Just a minute, my date is here, wondering when I’ll pay some attention to her. You see, I’ve been running the whole show the entire evening and now that the clock has struck two, the party has start winding up, my date expects me to focus on her. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think she’s wrong. I just want to make sure Maya is okay with that clown before I take my date home. She smiles understandingly. I don’t know why, I don’t find my date’s smile as genuine as Maya’s. But then there are very few people who say things at face value, without mincing their words. Granted, that may not be the best of strategies but at least with Maya, you always know where you stand. If she’s happy she shows it, if she’s sad, she withdraws.

I take my date along. I want her to know that she’s special and I just wanted to check up on Maya. After all, it was I who insisted she come along. Maya wanted to spend New Year ’s Eve at home. But I know, when Maya says she wants to be left alone, she needs some company. When she says she wants to be at home, she actually needs to be taken out. Its twisted, I know, but I’ve learnt a thing or two about her.

Oh, there she is! Her eyes shine as she sees me and a wide smile appears on her face. You won’t believe it, I receive this kind of greeting every time! Even if I’ve been away for only an hour. She’s just always happy to see me!

I introduce Maya to my date and Maya introduces me to hers. I noticed the two women in my life regard each other. My date with suspicion and politeness, Maya with curiosity and apprehension. I on the hand, had no problems being introduced to Maya’s date. A firm handshake and a nod and we were set. I didn’t understand this about Maya. In fact, this was one thing I didn’t like about her. She never warms up to my dates. At least, not during the first meeting. She is polite and courteous but she doesn’t make an effort to make my date feel comfortable. I’ve learnt to keep Maya separate from my love life.

Anyway, Maya says she’ll be alright and practically pushes me away. Before I can say goodbye, she is gone. I don’t think I should be complaining though. This was what I was hoping for. That she would have a good time, meet a nice fellow. My good deed for the year is done. I smile indulgently and turn towards my date. We can finally start our evening together. What I can’t figure out is that uncomfortable knot in my stomach. Something feels so wrong.

Photograph via sxc.hu

Just another story - 3

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 07:32:00 +0000

She scowls at me. She doesn’t like the fact that I don’t approve of this chap. But I’m just being honest. I mean, just look at him. What did she see in him anyway? I can’t see them together, not for a minute. But of course, she won’t take my advice now. She’ll date him for a while and then realize I was right all along. And guess who lends her a shoulder to cry on? Anyway, I guess she will learn from her experiences. Eventually.

When I met her, she was just recovering from a heartbreak. Vulnerable but guarded. I remember how her smile had faded within seconds of spotting me. It was as though, she had recognized me, but wanted to be left alone.

I had hesitated, not knowing what to do. Normally, I would have walked up to her and said a hello but not with this girl. She had disappeared behind a shelf, as though she was trying to hide from me. I would have walked away then, had she not tried to peep around the corner to see if I was still there. I’d caught her eye and raised an eyebrow. Incredibly childish, I had thought. I was about to turn around and walk out when I noticed a hint of that smile in her eyes. The smile gave way to laughter and she walked over to me.

I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me! She had said. She had noticed the book in my hand and said, You know I can’t take that, right?

Of course, I didn’t take no for an answer. I explained to her how mesmerized I’d been watching emotions fleet across her face. To her credit, she didn’t seem to mind. She didn’t think I was trying to hit on her. She took the book from me and thanked me politely.

Immediately, awkwardness descended upon us. Now that the exchange was done, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to put her off by asking her too many things or randomly trying to make conversation but I also didn’t want this to be those one-off encounters when you meet someone amazing and let them walk away. I had to meet her again.

As I tried to gather courage to ask her for a coffee without making it sound like a date, she decided to leave. Crestfallen, I bid her a goodbye and watched her walk towards the exit.

At the door, she hesitated, glanced down at the book in her hand and turned around.

I don’t know your name yet. She had asked, looking pointedly at her feet.

I had walked over and introduced myself, still wondering how I could make her stay.

Suddenly, without warning, she’d looked straight into my eyes and asked I have some time to kill and I was thinking of getting some coffee. Want to come with?

I know what you are thinking, that coffee led to dinner, but it didn’t. It was just good old coffee. Actually, it was hot chocolate. She isn’t a coffee person.

Honestly speaking, I had never had so much fun talking to a girl before. She was different. More like a pal. No, I don’t mean we spoke about bikes, cars or football. She didn’t care much about those. Actually, I don’t know what we spoke about. Now that I think about it, we don’t share common interests. She falls in a bracket of people I call “nerds”. But yet, every time we meet, we always have something to discuss. We meet, we laugh and we have a good time. We don’t venture into the emotional pool many times, only when it’s unavoidable. Like the time she broke down because her pet fish diet or the time I was bummed out because my friend completely trashed my car.

Not that I haven’t asked her for advice about women but she isn’t like any woman I’d want to date. Like I said, she’s a pal.

Just another story - 2

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 05:33:00 +0000

I just realized I haven’t introduced myself yet. The name on my business card reads Arvind Dubey but friends and family call me RD. And the girl I’ve been talking about is Maya. Nice name, isn’t it? It’s got such a mystical ring to it.

Look at her now, someone’s approached her. He’s not bad looking, but she can do better. That’s the thing about her; she has no idea how incredible she is. Again, I’m not referring to her looks. Although, now that I think about it, she has been looking pretty darn nice nowadays. It’s her smile, that magical smile which makes her radiate with happiness. You can’t escape it. If the smile is intended for you, consider yourself lucky! There’s no way you can walk away from her unaffected once she dazzles you with it. But like I said, she’s completely unaware of it.

Like now, I’m sure she has no idea how enchanting she looks. Not to me, mind you, to the guy who just walked up to her. Her eyes are cast downwards and she’s crinkling her nose ever so lightly. She gets that look when someone compliments her and she doesn’t know how to react. Any moment now, she’ll look up at him and smile and that will be it. He’ll be hooked too.

Maya, the enchantress. I laugh now, because knowing Maya, I know it’s completely unintentional. I remember when I first saw that smile. I couldn’t think about anything else for days after. There was something so pure and innocent about it. And nothing has changed; her smile is as enchanting as it was the first time I saw it.

I had quite forgotten about Maya after our first meeting. It was only when I found myself wandering on the same street a week later that I remembered the soft brown eyes. Her face was clearly etched in my mind, as though I had met her just yesterday. I was alone and had an hour to kill before my friends were going to show up. I had nothing to lose. I walked into the store and surveyed the customers quietly. She wasn’t in there. I remember feeling quite stupidly disappointed when I hadn’t been able to spot her. As I was walking out, I stopped at the counter where I had left the book for her. She hadn’t taken it. The billing attendant handed the book back to me with a sympathetic look. I had paid for it, it was technically mine. I had grimaced and opened the first page. She had scribbled a little note for me.

Apology accepted. You don’t have to bribe me.

- Maya

I ran my hand over the handwritten text. She had used an ink pen, who used those nowadays? Everything about this woman was a puzzle to me. Though why it should matter to me what kind of pen she used was a mystery to me. Strong, bold strokes indicated she had a fiery personality to match that temper. I half smiled as I remembered her glare. At least I knew her name. Maya.

Maya. I had uttered her name softly. Did she come here often? Had she enquired about me? I had so many questions for the billing clerk. The billing clerk was an elderly gentleman, he smiled indulgently at me, probably thinking that he was playing cupid. I could have corrected him, I had no dishonorable intentions. I just wanted to know her. Know Maya.

The clerk wasn’t of much help but suggested that I check out a couple of other book stores nearby. Maybe she was a regular there. I had scoffed at the idea of going through all that trouble just to find this woman, whom I didn’t even find attractive. But I had nothing better to do. I decided to try my luck. After the first two stores, I had more or less given up hope when I saw her. She was rummaging through a stack of old comics, her hair covering her face. I could only see her mouth. And then I saw her smile. As she reached for a comic, a smile appeared on her face, her breathing quickened, her cheeks flushed and reddened. She stood up victoriously and glanced around to see if anyone had noticed her great achievement. Of course I had! Her eye caught mine and she smiled slowly as she recognized me. That slow, deliberate smile of hers.

The one that’s on her face now. I see the guy responding to it. I know exactly what he’s feeling. He’s basking in the warmth of that smile. The laughter shinning in her eyes is making him feel like he’s the only person in the room. The deep dimples which appear on her cheek, I know I have been sorely tempted to reach out and touch them. I’m sure he’s no different.

She’s looking at me now, seeking approval. You know the way friends do. Something on the lines of “What do you think about this one?” she asks, raising one brow. I respond negatively. Hey, don’t look at me like that! I’m telling you she deserves much better. Much much better!

Photograph via sxc.hu

Just another story - 1

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 03:32:00 +0000

The evenings leading up to new years are a really busy time for me. You see, I work for an event management company which throws fabulous parties for the rich and the famous. And today, I had outdone myself, if I may be a little modest. Judging by the sheer number of people who had turned up, it was a miracle that everything had gone as per plan. If it hadn’t been for my resourcefulness and quick thinking, this party could have very well turned into a disaster!

But, this story is not about me, it’s about a girl. You see that girl there? In that corner, under the big arch to your right? Yes, the one holding a pink drink. No, it’s not a cocktail, its cranberry juice. She likes to tell everyone its vodka and cranberry, but I know better. I know she never acquired the taste for alcohol. Oh sure, she can painfully get by one drink but she’d rather not. Anyway, this story is about her. What? Surprised? That a shy little thing like that could have a story to tell? Don’t go on appearances, you’d be surprised by what these silent types have to say.

Yes, I know you can see how she’s practically pushed herself into that corner. Almost as if she tries hard enough, no one will be able to see her. But notice how she looks up occasionally and glances around to see if anyone has bothered to pay attention to her? It’s her way of hoping someone comes and coaxes her out of her little shell. Silly you say? Well, maybe. But we all have our idiosyncrasies.

You’re wondering why I know so much about her. What can I say, she intrigued me. I haven’t known her for too long. Maybe two or three months. We met at bookstore, where she was sitting cross-legged, almost buried under a pile of books, with those big chunky glasses. She hardly glanced at me as I passed her once, then twice and yet again. She was in another world. I could have been dancing in front of her and she wouldn’t have noticed.

I was with someone that day. Umm, you could call her a date. So, as my date went straight to the “Romance” section to buy a gift for someone, I decided to go to a place more guy appropriate. I thought of heading over to the magazine section, but it was too close to the self-help books. Not for a minute, did I want my date to think I read those things. I mean, I did sometimes, but really, it didn’t go with the cool and suave image I was trying to project. Hey! Don’t judge me, everyone does it!

Anyway, getting back to her! I sure as hell wouldn’t have noticed her if my date was around. She wasn’t one of them. You know, the kinds who command your attention. No, this one, she was the one who could easily fade into the background. I mean, you knew she was there, but she wasn’t the first thing you’d notice.

The first time I passed her, she had her brows scrunched up, as though she was reading something entirely disturbing. She looked young, really young. A small smile touched my face as I saw the concern apparent on her face. I don’t know why, I was tempted to go back and see what was on her face next. Her mouth had made a little “o” by now. She was holding the book so tight, her knuckles had turned white. Suddenly a gasp escaped her mouth and one hand flew to her mouth, as though she was horrified by what she had just read. That’s when she saw me. Or rather, heard me. Her reaction was so unlike anything I had seen, I had started to laugh. You have to believe me, I wasn’t laughing at her. I was laughing, because it just seemed so strange that someone could get so involved in a book in today’s world. Me? I was more of a movie person. The way I saw it, if the story was good enough, someone would make a movie about it eventually.

And that was also when she had me. With that one glance, I was hooked. Oh no, I’m not saying it was love at first sight. We’re not romantically involved. Just that I knew there was something about this woman which was magnetic. In a huff, she picked up her things and brushed past me, giving me the cold shoulder. Another time, I would have pushed it aside. But I couldn’t help but remember the expressions on her face. I felt as though I had cheated her of something which was so real to her. I picked up the book she had been reading. On an impulse, I bought it and left it for her at the billing counter. I saw her the third time as I was walking out of the store holding my date’s hand. She was watching me with those soft brown eyes, her chin tilted slightly upwards. I smiled apologetically at her hoping she would smile back. She touched her spectacles lightly and turned away, something I would learn quickly, she did when was inviting someone to talk to her.

Photograph via sxc.hu

Just another story - Introduction

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 03:30:00 +0000

All stories need not have a flamboyant character or a crisis. Even normal people have stories, the best ones actually. We just have to start listening. Everybody's got something to say.
Oh, before I forget! Happy new year, everyone! Hope you all had a blast..

Once Upon A Dream - The end

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 12:23:00 +0000

Apologies for the really long delay.. Hope the post makes up for it..

She stayed that night. I need to figure things out, she explained to his parents. They had nodded sympathetically and graciously accommodated her in their house. Sometime between midnight and morning, she found her restless self resurfacing. She got up with a start and felt herself shiver a little. It wasn’t cold but she felt a draft which made her shudder. She wrapped a shawl around herself and tiptoed down to his room.

The door was slightly ajar, she pushed it open. It made a slow creaking noise which sounded incredibly loud in the dead of the night. She froze, half expecting his parents to come running. After a couple of minutes, she mustered her courage and went in. She stood close to the door, just watching him breathe. He seemed so.. So normal. While he slept, she could see him as she remembered him. She smiled a little as she saw the all too familiar expression fleet across his face, the slight crinkling of him nose and the brows coming together. How many times had she watched that expression, half asleep, lying in his arms.

She found herself moving towards him. He must have heard her because he woke up and unlike his earlier self, he looked up at her calmly.

“Are you awake?” She whispered as she inched in closer. He stared at her intently, wide awake now. In a child like gesture he cocked his head to a side and looked at her, confusion apparent on his face.

“Hushhh, relax, it’s just me.” She put up her hands as she moved closer.

The confusion was slowly turning into fear and he started to move his hands abruptly. She had to pacify him before he started screaming. She did the only thing she could think of. She hummed to him as she used to hum for her niece when she was an infant. His arms dropped to his sides and he closed his eyes. She wasn’t humming anything in particular, just some random piece of music she had heard on the television, but it seemed to be working. Somehow the music was soothing him or was it the sound of her voice?

She placed her hand on his forehead and gently moved her hands though his hair. Like a mother would do to a child. Soon, his breathing turned deeper and she knew he had fallen asleep. Sitting by his side, hearing his deep breathing, she didn’t realize when she had drifted off into the dream world.

When she got up, it was nice and bright but neither had he stirred nor had anyone bothered to disturb them. She rubbed her eyes gently, hoping it was all a bad dream, like she did always. But hope dissipated when she saw the form lying in front of her. She smiled as she saw his hand holding her finger in a child like gesture.

“Morning..” She whispered into his ear smiling softly.

He opened his eyes slowly, and a look of confusion came on his face. Confusion soon gave way to horror as he started screaming, looking straight at her.

She tried to pacify him, holding his hand, speaking softly to him but shook her off.

Within no time, his mom was besides him, holding him against her, rocking his head gently.

“He’s just going to take time to get used to you.” His mum tried to make her feel better.

“But he was fine yesterday!” She asked, her brows scrunched together in worry. She tried going closer to him but somehow, today, her presence was disturbing to him.

“Don’t worry, he has his good days and his bad days. Maybe you shouldn’t come in here today.” His mum offered.

“Maybe if I’m just around for a while, I’ll sit right over there.” She moved to the far corner of the room and watch him carefully.

He kept his eye on her, getting agitated by the minute. All attempts to calm him down were futile.

“Maybe you should just leave!” His mum finally said what had been on her mind all along.

She nodded softly. She didn’t want to make things difficult. He had started screaming now, making a hoarse, inhuman sound. She tried to walk slowly, but something in her wanted to escape. She ran the final few steps to the door and shut the door behind her, but she couldn’t shut out the screaming.

She leaned against the door in resignation.

After a while, someone tapped her on the shoulder. “Your cab is here ma’am”

She opened her eyes abruptly, stunned. What the heck was happening? As she tried to gauge her bearing, she realized she wasn’t at his place. Where was she?

She peered at the guy in front of her. Who was he? Ah yes, the porter. The porter at the airport. The airport in his city.

Reality hit her and she realized that she hadn’t even gone home. Or was it home anymore? If the dream was so nightmarish, how would reality be? Was she dreaming now? She pinched herself to make sure. Ouch! Definitely back in the real world.

“Ma’am, this way?” The porter indicated with his hand towards the exit.

With unsteady steps, she made her way outside. She hesitated as she opened the cab door. What if the reality was worse than the dream? Was she strong enough to handle it? What was she trying to achieve anyway. She had almost moved on! This was like taking a step back.

She felt herself move back involuntarily.

“If you’re not taking that cab, I will!” An irate passenger behind her, commented.

She gulped and looked down at her hands. Steady as a rock. Disappointment washed over over, as she knew what she was going to do. Maybe regret it for the rest of her life. But in that moment, she couldn’t see herself going back to him. As much as she loved him. As much as she would always love him. Some things were easier said than done and she was just realizing that saying goodbye was one of them.

Once Upon A Dream - 5

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 18:53:00 +0000

She felt \peace. She had found her purpose. All this while, working like a crazed maniac, she had tried to find some solace. But something had always been missing. After endlessly searching for it in meaningless relationships, she had found it, the missing piece of her heart. It had always been him.

She ran her fingers through his hair as she smiled down at him. And he laughed with her. As though he understood. As though he was happy to have her around.

She cast a triumphant glance towards his father, expecting him to be beaming from ear to ear but he just shook his head sadly and walked out. Confused, she turned towards his mum who stood rooted.

“Did I do something wrong?” She asked, refusing to leave his side.

His mother relented. She sighed deeply, “No bacche, I’m sorry. This has just been so difficult for me, I forget that it was equally hard for you.” While you stayed. His mother left those unsaid words hanging in the air.

“I’m not going anywhere again. I’m going to stay here, near him.” She said in her most convincing voice.

A tired smile appeared on his mother’s face, “I know what you’re going through. There is nothing you can do for him. There’s nothing you can achieve by staying here. Don’t throw away your life. I’m sure he wouldn’t have wanted that.”

Her confusion grew, “All this while you’ve been making me feel horrible about leaving and now that I want to stay you’re asking me to go?”

His mum pursed her lips and came closer to her. She placed a warm hand on her shoulder. “I was.. ” She hesitated, “I guess I was just mad, that nothing happened to you.” His mom touched her face gently, “Mad that both of you had the accident and you came out without a scratch.” She wiped an unshed tear, “And my son, who would have been 30 this year, is..” she swallowed deeply. “Who knows what great things he could have done.” She said, a half smile appearing on her face.

She stared at her mother, a little in disbelief mixed with a little sympathy. She had often wondered, why she hadn’t come to any harm. They both had been together that day. Both of them wearing a seatbelt, not going too fast, no alcohol in their system. It was just that, an accident. And she had come out of it unscathed, a few scars and bruises. The bruises didn’t even last a week. Nothing to show what a large part of her had died in that accident.

Him on the other hand, almost immediately, they had known that he would never be okay. She had hated herself for not protecting him. How she could have done that was anybody’s guess. But she couldn’t really fault his mother for harbouring those feelings. She had often prayed that she could go back in time and chose to drive that fateful day. Then what would have he done? Left her? Been with her?

“But I’m here now, I can’t. I can’t leave him again.” She shudder at the thought.

His mum separated her hand from him, “Please, don’t make this harder on us than it already is.”

“I don’t understand. Why can’t I stay?” She asked, slight anger creeping into her voice.

His mom took her hand into hers. “Come, visit anytime. But don’t do this. He would hate to see you waste your life. I know he would. He wanted to see you happy.”

She turned back to him. He had drifted off to sleep. Maybe his mother was right. Yes, she had found peace here. But that didn’t mean she had to stay here. Would he even know that she was around?

Once Upon A Dream - 4

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 18:17:00 +0000

She walked back unflinchingly towards the bed, where he had quite forgotten about her and was playing enthusiastically with his hands. She touched his face lightly expecting him to turn towards her.

He didn’t. She rested her palm on his cheek and traced his jaw line gently hoping to elicit a reaction.

“He can’t see from that eye.” His father reminded her silently.

Of course, she remembered that. She took his hand in hers as she moved towards the other side. Somehow, she had captivated his attention. She looked into his unwavering gaze, seeing a little bit of his old self. Very little, but he was there.

She kissed his palms, wetting them with her tears.

“Goodbye.” She whispered into his ear as she pecked his cheek and then his forehead.

She waited till some strength returned in her legs and she could move away from him. She tried to wriggle her slender wrists from his hands but he refused to let go. She turned them sideways and looked up at him. She thought she saw his eyes glisten. His mom assured her it happened regularly.

“What? What is it?” She said after unsuccessfully trying to get away from him. “What does he want?” She asked his father.

“Stop struggling. Give him a chance.” His father hadn’t tried to judge her, or why she came. In a way, she was grateful for his unconditional acceptance. He smiled encouragingly at her, “Don’t worry, I’m right here.” He reassured her.

As she turned from father to son, she let her body loose and her apprehensions disappear. She felt him tug her hand lightly. She let him guide her. She felt him place his hand over hers. His warm hands. Just the way she remembered them. Some things hadn’t changed a bit. The thought brought a smile to her face and when she looked up, he was smiling a little too. Or was it just her imagination?

She felt his thumb graze over her skin. Was he trying to write something? The movements were shaky and uncertain but she was sure he was trying to etch something on her skin. What was that? Her initials? His initials? She couldn’t tell.

She tried explaining this to his parents, but his mother was convinced that he was just randomly moving his thumb. She should have believed his mother, but her heart believed otherwise. He wanted to communicate with her and she wasn’t getting it. Maybe if she hadn’t left him at all, she would have understood him now.

He wasn’t distracted now. She could tell he had to focus, like really focus to keep his eye on her. Impulsively, she squeezed his hand and declared, “I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere. I want to be here with you.” As she said it, she realized she had said what she had wanted to say for 7 years. It was fine and dandy for others to say move on but honestly, what did they know? Had they lost someone so tragically ever? Seen them deteriorate in front of their eyes? She had run out on him when he had needed her the most. Not again. Never again.

Once Upon A Dream - 3

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 17:17:00 +0000

“I think I’ve seen enough.” She told his mother, tears glistening in her eyes. “I should leave.”

She had barely lasted 30 minutes. Her gut told her to stick around, but her mind was telling her to cut her losses and run.

“Okay.” His mother nodded. She had gotten used to people walking in and out, unable to deal with what she had faced for ten years, for even an hour. She was no better. His mother had known she wouldn’t last an hour.

“He doesn’t remember me.” She explained. No one asked for one but she felt obliged to tell them why she was leaving.

“Muh! Muh!” He said. He was more animated now. But maybe it was because he wanted more food.

“Just stay.” His father spoke from a corner. “Let him get used to your presence.”

She shook her head, sniffling loudly, “I can’t.” She said helplessly.

His father placed his hand on her shoulders, “It’s okay, we understand.” He tried to smile at her but it didn’t come out right. Feeling more guilty than ever she stepped away from him and his father.

She paused as she reached the door.

“I’m leaving now.” She announced slowly. Silence. She turned around, sobbing a little by now. “What else can I do?” She shut her eyes tightly, wiping her face with the back of her palm.

His mother looked away from her, she probably had more important things to worry about than a strange unfamiliar girl crying at her doorstep. There was a time when this family was like her own. Not anymore. She had severed all ties with them, in fact they had encouraged it.

“He’s not going to recover sweetheart, don’t wait for him.” She had been advised. And after waiting around for three years, she had given up. Three years of hopelessly sitting around his bed side, trying to be positive around his family and crying herself to sleep every night.

His mother had no right to make her feel like shit. She had waited. She had done all she could. She had wanted to keep in touch but they had told her to start a new life, to move on.

With great difficulty she had done exactly that. Taken each day as it came, forcing herself to be normal, to ignore the void that she felt everyday. She knew it would never be completely filled, but she had hoped that after ten years, it would have healed a little.

Seven years after her sabbatical, they had called her. To share news that he could understand them. Communicate even. She had left everything, just dropped everything and rushed back on the first flight.

For what? What had she expected? A happy reunion?

Once Upon A Dream - 2

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 17:06:00 +0000

She played her part beautifully, quietly listening to the mother joke about his recent doings.

“You don’t know how much fun he makes of me. Whenever I say I am going to try dieting, he starts laughing.”

True to his word, he started laughing. Hope touched her. Maybe if understood his mother, he would understand her.

He laughed easily and naturally. It was the only thing he could do to express himself.

“Here, stand next to the bed while I get a refill.” His mother told her. “He gets agitated if he’s alone.” His mother explained.

She nodded and stood next to him. Almost immediately, he turned his head to look at her.

“Muh! Muh! Muh!” He tried to say something to her.

“What? I can’t understand!” she told him as she inched closer. His hand found hers, and he clutched it tightly, almost making her wince in pain. His strength surprised her and she squeezed back.

“Muh!” he insisted, his eye never straying from her face. She stood there quietly holding his hand, aware of his father standing behind her.

“Talk to him.” His father said.

“What should I say?” She asked. She had never been at a loss for words before.

“Anything. Tell him about your day, he’ll like that.” His father suggested.

Obediently, she started, “I reached a couple of hours back and came straight to meet you.” No reaction. “I got some stuff for your folks.” She paused. No reaction. She felt like she was talking to a wall. She felt like an idiot, he probably couldn’t even understand what she was saying.

From the corner of her eye, she watched his father leave and then whispered gently into his ear, “I feel silly, I need a reaction, please say something!” To her surprise he started laughing.

Loud, uncontrolled laughter. His mouth was wide open and his eyes fluttered quickly. His hands moved and his fists started clenching. He seemed to have quite forgotten that he was holding her hand. For a second, she felt scared. He was supposed to be unpredictable now, wasn’t he?

In a jiffy, he released the hold on her hand and his head fell back to the pillow. “Muh.” He said.

Desperation clawed at her and she held his hand once again, “Tell me you remember me! Tell me!” She cried, her voice half muffled with emotions.

“Mmmmmmmh!” he said again.

She rubbed her eyes lightly. What had she expected anyway? When she had decided to visit, his parents had told her in no unclear terms that he was nowhere being normal. That she shouldn't, if she was hoping to see some of the old him. That if she was looking for closure, she wasn't going to find any.

But still, despite all odds, she had hoped against hope. Allowed herself to revisit old emotions and now it seemed like there was no escaping it, she could feel the wet trail of tears dripping down her chin as she resigned herself to the immense sadness she felt.

Regret for the loss of years of happiness that she had spent with him. The fond memories, filled her with sadness.

The man she had once loved had been reduced to this.. this figure.. in front of her..

Once Upon A Dream - 1

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 17:34:00 +0000

“Are you ready?” His mother asked.

She wringed her hands, she wasn’t ready. “Yes.” She nodded.

“Don’t be nervous.” His father instructed. How had he known? Maybe, his father was as intuitive as he had been.

She nodded again, her speech abandoning her temporarily.

She pushed the door open and there he was, sitting on the bed. Physically, he looked well but she knew what was hidden under the smiles and the normalcy.

“Hi!” she said, forcing a cheerfulness that she didn’t feel. It was hard not to look away from him. She was afraid her face would betray pity. Carefully hiding her face from his parents, she said again, “Hi!”

She could hear some sound come from him, slow and painful. “Muhh..” he said, struggling to look at her, trying to turn his face so that his good eye could look at her.

“Remember me?” She asked, feeling a hopelessness that welled her eyes with tears.

She wished he would shout out “I remember you!”, but all he could say was “Muh!”

He could see her moving away from him, almost recoiling with sympathy.

“Mmmmh!!!” he struggled more vehemently.

She turned away, after ten years, all he could manage was “Mhhh!” She couldn’t understand what he meant.

“Don’t you remember her?” his mom asked, looking at her son with utmost tenderness. She held his face lightly so that he could focus.

“Muh!” he repeated.

“He remembers you..” His mother reassured her but how could his mother know for sure? Maybe it was just something he said all the time. It didn’t have to mean anything.

She feigned politeness and sat in front of him as his mother fed him slowly. Breaking pieces of chappatis into small bits so he didn’t have to chew too much.

Maybe I shouldn’t have come, she thought, I don’t have the strength to face this.

She admired his parents for the brave face they put on, but honestly, they were doing such a good job of it. The laughter, the smiles, the easy flowing jokes, it was all genuine. Some people were just blessed with the strength of a thousand elephants. His family was one of them.

She had heard that what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. Never imagined that she would get to see it. She kept her distance from him, just looking at him was upsetting her. She could only imagine how his parents dealt with it every day. Maybe with time, the hurt and the disbelief had diminished.

Once Upon A Dream - Introduction

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 17:33:00 +0000

Sometimes, the briefest of encounters can leave you with the greatest of lessons. Some lessons teach you patience, some kindness and some just make you understand that there's more to life than materialistic goods and superficial joys.
This one is going to be incredibly short and even as I write it, I know I have not done justice to it and the incident behind it.

My family and I - Chapter 27 - The End

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 07:20:00 +0000

I know there are many who like to skip the drama and just get on with it. But honestly, what’s life without a big dollop of drama thrown in to add that little hint of zest. So I thoroughly enjoyed the chaos that followed. Parents frantically trying to reason with Sona. Samrat’s folks coming down having a serious chat with my folks while Sona and Samrat sat near the sidelines watching the whole show, glee written all over their faces. Truth be told, they were least bothered with what conclusion the parents would arrive at. In that moment, I think they were so involved with each other that they didn’t even care.

I played my part, the chirpy kid who everybody thinks is too young to understand what’s going on. So I also managed to get a chunk of the gossip before Sona and Samrat. The parents were mighty concerned that this was a phase and they wanted to take things slow.

“They’re so young!” Samrat’s dad had said, echoing my dad’s thoughts. The mothers had nodded in agreement. Of course, there were other serious discussions about the hows, whats and whens but I didn’t need the details. The summary was that there was going to be a long wait before anything happened. At least I would have time to get used to this new person who was hanging around in my room as if it was his.

I eyed him suspiciously as he rummaged through my books.

“Ummm, I would rather you didn’t.” I said primly.

Samrat turned a little, “Sona mentioned you were possessive about them.”

“She did?” I asked, despite myself. Sona spoke about me? Suddenly I wanted to know more. What did Sona really think about me?

Samrat smiled at me, “Oh yeah, she talks about you all the time.”

“She does??” I was stunned. I mean, I know I used to talk about Sona all the time. But that was only because I thought(despite repeated attempted not to) that she was incredible. I wanted to be more like her. Hearing that Sona spoke a lot about me implied that either I annoyed her to no end or that the feeling was reciprocated. And I was really hoping it was the latter.

“Why are you so surprised?” He asked, placing the book he held in his hands, back into the shelf.

“Something I never knew.” I said honestly, “She’s pretty great isn’t she?” I asked Samrat, smiling to myself having recently discovered that my sister didn’t hate me.

“Yes she is.” He said smiling at me. In that split second, I knew I had found someone who shared some of the awe that I felt for Sona.

“What’s going on here?” Sona entered the room, probably realizing that we were talking about something serious.

“Nothing!” I said immediately. Samrat winked at me and repeated after me, “Nothing.”

“That was definitely not nothing!!!” Sona protested. She snapped her fingers at me, “I’ll deal with you later. Samrat, we need you in there.” She pointed at the room where all the “adults” were sitting.

“Okay, let’s go. I’m ready.” He ruffled my hair as he walked past. “Good talking to you kiddo.”

I smiled back at him and then again as he casually took Sona’s hand into hers and guided her into the living room.

I wish I could look into the future and see how it all turned out. But life’s like that right? You take what you get, one day at a time and see how things go. The door shut behind Sona and Samrat and I was left to speculate about the discussions.

Even as all the grownups sat around trying to make sense of what was happening with their kids, I mentally prepared myself to add one more to my family. You know, moved the cousins around a bit, erased some bad feelings and voila I had some space for Samrat. I had a feeling he was going to be around and it didn’t hurt to be prepared. Breaking someone new into the family is an uphill task and I felt bad for the poor boy that he had to deal with my family!

So that was all the jargon up till now, the door has been locked for eternity! I don’t know if I’ll ever understand why I started off a whole rant about my family encompassing firmly around my sister. Maybe the people who matter the most are the ones you take for granted. I think we’re all a little guilty of that. I sat around for a long time wondering how this change would impact “the family” and heck! It wasn’t even me getting hitched! I mean, we were as close knit as possibly could be without being creepy. No wonder Sona had decided to come clean. It was important that we all got along.

As the door opened a little and everybody started stepping out, I found myself praying a little. A little that everything turned out well. A little that we could be one happy team, My family and I and hopefully +1

My family and I - Chapter 26

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 07:07:00 +0000

Once dinner was over, I rushed to the room and threw the sheets on to Sona’s bed and landed on the bed just as Sona walked in. She made a face at me as she started folding the sheet, avoiding my eye.

For a moment, I stayed silent, willing her to say something. She was a hard nut to crack! Finally, I tried some desperate tactics.

“Sona,” I said softly, half nestled under the blanket, “I heard from Samrat. And I think it’s great.” I watched her carefully.

She acted very cool I must say, “Oh yeah, what did he say?”

It was my turn to go on the back foot, “You know” I said ominously.

“He told you?” She asked giving me the suspicious eye.

“Uh huh..Didn’t you see us talking??” I said, trying to sound convincing.

“I did. Really, how fake can you get Pinku?” She had a crooked smile on her face.

Desperate to salvage my sinking situation I tried to feign innocence ,“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

She laughed at my predicament, “Just as well, you’re too young to get into such things anyway.”

“Hey! No fair! As if you’re one old maid! Whatever you can talk about, I can talk about it too!” I protested vehemently.

This being the younger had its advantages and disadvantages. I kept fluctuating whether I wanted to be referred to as the youngest one or to be treated as a grown up. I mean being the youngest got me out of trouble most of the time and I was pampered and given the first preference whenever Sona and mum went shopping to pick out stuff.. But on the other hand, I was also coddled, expected to stay out of grown-up stuff, explain to my parents all the time that I was no longer a kid.

Triumphant Sona was walking out, her secret still a secret when I made a last ditch attempt.

“You’re my sister and I don’t know what’s happening in your life.” I said in a soft sad voice and turned over on the bed. When all fails, go in for emotional blackmail.

I closed my eyes but kept a keen ear on Sona’s movements in the room. For the longest time I thought she wasn’t bothered. I was just about to give up when I felt her settle down next to me and tap my leg.

“You are my sister.” She said reluctantly. “And you’re right, you should know what’s up. So.” She paused.

I sat up on the bed, I had never expected emotional blackmail to work on her. Mum maybe. Dad was a sucker for emotional stuff. A few drops of tears and a emotional “Daddy!” was enough to melt my dad. They say that daughters wrap their fathers around their little fingers. Whoever said that, was a very wise daughter.

“So Samrat and I.” Sona started clearing her throat, looking pointedly at her palm.

“Yes? What about you guys!” I asked impatiently. My mum used to say that when God was distributing patience, I was probably hiding behind the barn door.

“Wait! Don’t rush me!” Sona glared at me.

“Sorry,” I apologized meekly. I somehow resisted the urge to shake her hard to make her talk faster.

“So, we’re in love. We want to get married.” She declared calmly and then glanced at me to see my reaction.

I raised one brow, “Really? After one date? What’s wrong with you?” I asked cynically.

“I told you, you are too young to understand! Besides, Samrat and I dated before you joined college you know. We split after 3 years and now..” She sighed wistfully.

I could see why my parents were so freaked. Their daughter, the smart, pretty, intelligent, ambitious daughter was talking about settling down before she even finished graduating.

I wasn’t too impressed with her confession. I had hoped it was something more dramatic than this. “So what did mum and dad say?” I asked, trying to show little interest.

“Flipped a lid.” She said as a matter of fact.

I had to laugh, “Did you expect anything else?”

She smiled back at me, “Actually, mum and dad are much cooler than Samrat’s folks. They blew a gasket.”

“Oh! You’re really serious about this?”

“Are you even listening to what I’m saying? You’re useless!” Sona turned away from me exasperated.

“Sona. You’re way too young!” I spoke putting on my grown up act.

“Legally, I’m old enough.” She said.

“You’re crazy! What’s wrong with you!” I couldn’t believe my sister didn’t have any ambitions or dreams she wanted to fulfill before getting tied down.

She smiled at me, “We’re in love, what can I do?”

I rolled my eyes, “Cut the drama. Mom will shoot you.”

“Yeah, you have a point there. But!!” she said, getting all hyper, “Not like I want to get married tomorrow! I was just declaring my intent.”

“Oh!” I settled back down. Now I was confused. What was all the fuss about then? Not like Sona was planning to do something drastic.

“Yeah, you’d think they’d be happy that I am telling them such things!” Sona exclaimed indignantly.

I suppressed a laugh, “Maybe you just caught them off guard.”

“Hope so. The way they are reacting, it’s almost as though I’m getting married tomorrow. Really, I have some dreams and ambitions of my own!” She shook her head a little as she turned off the lights.

I offered her some advice before sleep claimed me,“This too shall pass dear sister.”

My family and I - Chapter 25

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 07:16:00 +0000

I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t want to assume anything, but let me tell you, my mind was racing like crazy! I tried extracting the information from dad, but I think he was on to me now. After failed attempts of trying to distract me, dad picked up his briefcase and walked out of the house.

“I think I’ll just go to office and spend an extra hour there.” He said as he walked out. I could tell he was really desperate to avoid me. I didn’t have the guts to ask my mum. She would just accuse me of nosing around. But was I ready to ask Sona directly? Actually it depended on her mood. As I thought, an idea started formulating in my head.

Maybe, I could get her to volunteer stuff to me. I just needed to be a little careful and smart. If she caught on to my act, she would probably crucify me. But hey! What’s life without a few little risks.

I decided to put my plan into action after college hours. I was going to take advantage of Sona’s curious nature and supreme ego.

I got ready and pushed to college without arousing any suspicions. My room door remained shut.

A niggling doubt entered my head. What if Sona had decided to stay back at home? All my plans would go down the drain. I prayed feverishly that Sona would come. Lunch hour came and went and I didn’t spot Sona.

As it turned out, I wasn’t the only one looking for Sona. Samrat caught my eye in the crowd and called me over.

“So..” He asked nonchalantly, “Where is your sister?”

“I don’t know.” I replied honestly.

“And did she,” he hesitated a little, “Did she say anything?”

“No.” I said shortly. “She just swooned and collapsed on the bed.”

I looked up to see Samrat’s face but he wasn’t looking at me anymore. I turned around to see what he was looking at and a diabolical smile appeared on my face. Sona!

Time to put my plan into action.

I made a surprised face and turned towards Sona. As though Samrat had told me something shocking. Eyes wide open and mouth O shaped, I grabbed Samrat’s arm and said “Really???”

I was loud enough, ensuring Sona could hear me.

Samrat glanced down at me, a confused expression on his face. “What are you doing?”

I threw my head back and laughed, “That’s brilliant! Wow!”

I saw Sona from the corner of my eye and noticed the line appearing on her forehead like it did when she was confused about something. Plan seemed to be working.

Samrat probably just thought I was mad, but it really didn’t matter.

“Thanks!” I said chirpily and walked away, flashing a brilliant smile at Sona who smiled back hesitantly.

Now there was always a risk that Sona would ask Samrat what all that was about. But knowing Sona, I knew her ego wouldn’t permit her to. And even if she did, I doubted she would believe poor Samrat when he said he had no idea what the conversation with me was about.

Of course Neeta thought I was being an idiot and I should just keep at my dad and eventually he would break. But honestly, there was no challenge in that. Besides, this seemed like fun.

I kept that idiotic smile on my face every time I spotted Sona. I knew she was definitely getting suspicious. Once home, my smile became a little subtle, but by that time Sona was so conscious that she refused to look at me.

Dinner was a quiet affair. Nobody spoke, which was quite unnatural for my family. And to think I was the only one who didn’t know!! The disadvantages of being the youngest!!

My family and I - Chapter 24

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 07:27:00 +0000

I stayed up that night, waiting for Sona to come home. I didn’t have to, she had the keys but I just had to know how it had turned out. Of course sleep beckoned and I tried to sleep, getting up every ten minutes to see if Sona was back.

At around 11:30, Sona entered the room. She stumbled around in the darkness trying to touch and feel her way to her cupboard.

“Why don’t you just switch on the lights?” I asked curiously as her leg hit the bed for the umteeth time.

“Oh God! Pinku! You scared me! Why are you awake?” She switched on the lights making me cringe my eyes.

When I opened my eyes, Sona was in the middle of a swooning twirl. She landed on the bed and sighed deeply.

“That good huh?” I asked propping myself on my elbows.

She looked at me lazily, “You have nooooooooooooo idea!”

She refused to elaborate further. And I didn’t prod her for details either. I didn’t really see the need to know what all happened. It was enough for me that she had a good time. Anymore information would probably be reserved for her friends where they would dissect and over analyse Samrat’s everyword and come to the same conclusion that I had after one sentence.

Only time would tell.

Sona kept tossing and turning the entire night. I know she was excited, but I really wished she had taken her excitement to the couch outside! The next morning, both of us were grumpy and red-eyed due to lack of slep.

“What happened to the two of you?” My mum asked as she struggled to wake us up the next morning.

I grumbled and glared at my sister, “She didn’t let me sleep!”

“Pinku make your bed!” My mum ordered me around as she hovered around my sister eyeing her carefully. “So, what happened?” She asked Sona, shooing me out of the room. Very nice, I was being kicked out of my own room.

“At least let me take my stuff.” I protested.

Sona and mum sat around in silence till I picked up my stuff and walked out of the room. Sheesh! Families I tell you!

The door slammed shut once I had walked out. My dad, who was sitting at the dining table reading the paper looked up as I walked by.

“Well don’t you look glamorous today.” he said commenting on my disheveled hair and dark circles.

“Leave me alone, I’ve hardly slept.” I snapped at him, half yawning my way through the sentence.

He laughed a little, “So, do you know this Samrat fellow?”

I picked up my toothbrush and glanced at him suspiciously, “A little. Why do you ask?”

My dad put down his newspaper, “Don’t tell me you don’t know!”

“Don’t know what?” I settled down in front of him, trying to focus.

My dad had this incredulous look of disbelief on his face, “I’m not the last one to know?? This is great!”

“What! What’s going on!! Nobody tells me anything! I’m always the last one!” I vented.

“No, no, I can’t tell you.. ” My dad put up his newspaper to cover his face.

“Dad!!” I pulled it away and observed him critically. Now my dad is terrible with secrets. He can’t keep stuff to himself. At least not with us. The very fact that he was trying to hide it from me, told me it was something serious.

“Is it about Sona?” I asked tentatively. My dad glanced at me with a “I’m never going to tell you” look.

“Is it about Sona and Samrat?” I took his silence as a sign that I was closer to the truth.

“No, no! I’m not saying anything!” My dad got up and started walking away.

“At least tell me whether she’s in trouble?!” I called out after him.

No response.

Sona-Samrat-Parents freaked.

OH MY GOD!

My family and I - Chapter 23

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 13:01:00 +0000

I reached the door and swung it open slowly. Samrat was there, right on time. I gave him a thumbs up sign for his punctuality and for his dressing sense. He was wearing a sober shirt with trousers and some neat looking shoes. He absolutely looked like the kind of guy who parents want to see their daughters with.

He smiled at me nervously. “So? Is she ready?”

I offered him a sympathetic smile, “So is my family.” I invited him in and laughed as he hesitantly stepped inside.

My mum was all smiles when she saw him, why wouldn’t she. He looked great, he spoke well, seemed well mannered, not to mention well off.

My dad on the other hand, scowled at him. My mum nudged him a little and finally my dad relented.

He put out his hand formally, “Samrat?”

The visual change in Samrat’s posture was actually quite comical. He sucked in his stomach, straightened his shoulders and wiped his hands against his trousers before shaking hands with my father, “Yes sir, it’s a pleasure to meet you sir.”

Well, clearly he was nervous.

My dad shook his hand and gave him a long hard look as though trying to scare him away. My mum interrupted them, “Hello Samrat, it’s very nice to finally meet you.” She smiled at him warmly, instantly putting him at ease.

“Is Sonam ready?” Despite my mum’s warm smile, it was obvious that Samrat was ready to leave.

“I’m ready, I’m ready!” Sona came out running, almost tripping in her heels. In that moment, I thought Sona looked just incredible. Her cheeks were stained pink, her eyes bright and luminous, her smile so genuine and heartfelt.

She grabbed Samrat’s hand and raced out of the house before my dad could quiz them further.

“11!! I want you home by 11!!” My dad called out behind them. “And Sona?”

She stopped by the door and glanced at him, wide eyed. “Yes dad?”

He sighed reluctantly, “Have a good time.”

Sona rushed to my dad and gave him a little peck on his cheek and then ran towards the door.

We stood around the room till the door slammed shut. I looked around the room, my mum seemed happy, she was singing this little tune as she made her way into the kitchen. My dad stood there, a sad little expression on his face.

“What’s wrong daddy?” I asked, putting on my cutesy voice which was only reserved for my dad.

He ruffled my hair gently and smiled a little, “Don’t you be in a hurry to grow up!”

My family and I - Chapter 22

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 05:18:00 +0000

I stood outside the room, pacing impatiently as Sona got dressed. This was the thing, no matter whether we respected each other’s fashion sense, we always always needed the other person’s approval.

“So? How do I look?” Sona stepped out of the room and did a little twirl for me. I considered her carefully, “The shoes don’t go?” I suggested.

She glanced at her feet, “Really? Of course they do! You don’t know anything!” She said going back into the room. I shrugged indifferently and settled down on couch, my feet curled under me.

She came out after a little while, with her hair and make up done. She had changed her shoes. I tried to hide the smile on my face as she appeared.

“Not a word.” She threatened but the twinkle in her eye told me she wasn’t serious.

“So, I have one doubt.” I interjected as Sona admired herself in the mirror.

She looked at me with a questioning look and then turned towards the mirror. I took it as my cue, “What are you going to tell ma?” I asked the question which had been plaguing me.

She smiled at me, “The truth of course.”

“Which is?!?!?”

“That Samrat asked me out..” She said casually, as though it was no big deal.

I stared at her blankly, “So you hate him indiscriminately for the longest time ever and then suddenly you are dating?”

She laughed, “Oh well, can’t argue with that.” She smiled at my confused expression, “Don’t worry your little head with such things.”

Before I could argue about the size of my brain and such, dad walked in. He eyed Sona carefully, “Going somewhere?”

I heard Sona breathe in deeply as she turned around to face my dad.

“Ma! Samrat and I are going out!” She declared passionately.

My dad, I must hand it to him, appeared very calm, “Out where?”

“What?” A little confusion was apparent on Sona’s face.

“Where are you going?” my dad asked slowly.

It dawned on me, that maybe dad wasn’t familiar with the lingo “going out.” I tried to butt in, but Sona admonished me with a strict glance.

“Dad, Samrat and I are going out “going out”. Get it?” Sona asked, stressing on the last two words.

“Dad, they’re kind of dating.” I interrupted.

“Oh. Why?” My dad had turned towards my sister.

“Why?” Sona asked visibly confused. “Because we like each other..” Sona said, in an oh-isn’t-it-obvious tone.

My dad made a pained face, “No, I get that, I mean why now? You’re so young! Does your mother know you’re going out with boys?”

Sona burst into peals of laughter, “You’re so cute daddy!”

My dad raised one eyebrow to indicate he wasn’t amused. My mum walked out of the room, “What’s all the commotion?” She asked.

“Did you know your daughter is “going out”?” Dad asked mum, stressing on the going out bit.

“Of course, you look very nice Sona.” She said, brushing a stray strand off Sona’s face which Sona had so deliberately styled.

“No no, she’s not going out. She’s going out get it?” He explained to my mum.

My mum gave my dad the evil eye, “I KNOW!”

“You know?!!?! And you’re letting her? But she’s so young!” My dad stuttered a little.

I watched the whole scene in amazement. I would have thought that mum would blow a gasket and dad would be calming her down. But there she was, my mum patted my dad’s affectionately saying, “She’s 20, an adult. I think she can take care of herself.”

I couldn’t resist, “I’m 17, I can take care of myself too!!”

Odd, I didn’t get the positive reaction I was hoping. In fact, I think I ended up freaking my mum out. “Why? Is there someone?” My asked, forcing a smile on her face but I could tell she was really hoping otherwise.

“Not yet, but you never know. Why does she get to go and I don’t!” I argued.

“You’re younger! 3 more years!” My mum answered. It was her fixed answer for all such queries of mine.

“But you should move with the times!” I said, thinking I was making a very good point.

“What?” Sona had stopped dressing, hair brush in the air and all, “No, not fair! She should wait till she’s twenty too! It’s not fair! She always gets everything that I have to wait for!”

I glared at Sona. “This isn’t about you! Stay out of it!”

“Stop it! Both of you!” My mum physically intervened. “Pinku, we’ll see about you when you have a boy in your life. Sona, get going, I want you home before 11. Okay?”

The doorbell rang, one glance at Sona’s face told me Samrat had arrived.

My family and I - Chapter 21

noreply@blogger.com (Aditi) — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 07:46:00 +0000

The sad thing about rumors in college was that you had no idea where it originated and how fast it was spreading. I had assumed, a little nobody like me wouldn’t generate much buzz but I was surprised by the number of heads turning as I walked around the campus.

Of course, I had found it incredibly funny at first. Who could be stupid enough to believe something liked that?

Neeta turned out to be one of them. Her face was flushed with excitement as she came and sat next to me, “You bitch!” she exclaimed, punching me lightly.

“Ouch!” I said, rubbing the affected region with exaggeration, “What was that for?!”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked indignantly.

I stared at her, confused. “Tell you what?”

“About Samrat!?!” Neeta threw up her hands, exasperated.

“Oh, what’s the big deal? He just wanted to know how to woo Sona.” I scoffed a little as I remembered his earnest expression.

“Huh? What are you talking about?” Neeta lowered her arms and glanced at me suspiciously, “Aren’t you and Samrat together?”

“What?! What rubbish is that!” I rolled my eyes exasperated, “Really Neeta, why would say that?”

“Ummm, because everybody is talking about it??” She explained.

“Everybody is not stupid like you!” I shook my head. Neeta would believe anything.

She laughed at my reaction, “Oh you naïve little thing.” She commented as I picked up my bag and followed her. It was then I saw the heads turning. Consciously I touched my face and hair, was something out of place?

“Now do believe me?” Neeta laughed as she saw my shell shocked expression.

“Do you think Sona believes it too??” I asked Neeta incredulously. Surely, Sona would know it was all some horrible misunderstanding.

Neeta raised a brow thoughtfully. “For your sake, I hope she doesn’t.”

I shut my eyes tightly. What a mess!

Back at home, Sona had reached before me and was sitting at the table with a novel in her arms. I stood a safe distance away from her, wondering whether I should bring up the topic. I cleared my throat trying to attract her attention. She glanced at me with a bored expression on her face and then looked back at her book.

“Sona?” I asked hesitantly.

“What?” She asked flipping a page.

“Did you hear something today?” I asked casually as I sat down on the chair next to her.

She moved the book a couple inches lower and stared at me with a bemused expression on her face. “What about?”

“Oh nothing!” I said a little too quickly. If she hadn’t heard about it, I didn’t think it would be smart on my part to bring it up. I got up and started walking towards my, oops, our room when Sona stopped me.

“You mean about Samrat?” There was a little twinkle in her eyes and I knew instantly she wasn’t mad at me.

“You’re not mad?” I asked, relief apparent on my face.

She ruffled my hair fondly, something she hadn’t done in ages. “You’re my little sister, I have to accept you’ll do stupid thing and forgive you.”

I laughed and for a brief moment, contemplated giving her a hug. We weren’t regular sisters who were close to each other, hugging was something we didn’t do very often. Finally, I gave up and put an awkward arm around her. For the longest time, I thought she had frozen still and then I felt her body relax and her hand around my shoulder.

“Oh! My! God!” my mum, who had just walked in, exclaimed. Sona and I separated pretty quickly. My mum however was all touched by the sisterly bonding she had just witnessed. “I should have thought about the room thing years earlier.”

I smirked a little. Sona and I knew it had nothing to do with the room. Maybe we had just grown up a little?