The Years In My Life

There comes a time...

2019-11-09T08:42:00.001-08:00

There comes a time in life,

When the taste of wine seems bitter and salty,

And the smell of the spring is dull.

When the new is old,

And devoid of lustre seems the color of gold,

And nothing seems to be alive at all.

There comes a time then,

When everyone around looks the same,

Needy and wanting, greedy and vain.

When beauty is rare,

And the need to be is now have to be,

And distant and faded seems the will to awaken, again.

There comes a moment after that,

When all seems hazy and grey,

And the darkness spreads across night and day.

When breathing is laboured by the burdens of history,

And no hurt will ever trigger pain,

When no more words come, no more thoughts are left to say.

Then there is black, lightless and dark,

Nothing has any meaning or value, beyond,

And everything said, done and taken seems like vacuous nothingness.

When all the strife and all the battles past,

And every pinch and every praise,

Can never, ever again, light up the eternally spread darkness.

Snapshot of the day...

2019-11-09T08:23:00.001-08:00

Let you be you, Let me be me...

2019-11-09T08:22:00.001-08:00

Let you be you for a little while,

Let me be me for a little while,

A little unfinished and a little bit jagged,

A little unrefined and a little ragged,

Before we dive back to the stream of life,

And disappear in the flow.

Let you dream free for a moment,

Let me dream free for a moment,

Of flying through the clouds, away from all of this noise,

In a colour of the skies, of our choice,

Before we wake up to the everyday mime,

Trapped in the shackles of time.

Let you soar high for a day,

Let me soar high for a day,

Going beyond where imagination loses its way,

Where the winds blows free and angels dream away,

Before we fall to the dusty ground again,

Cast to a destined and dull end.

Free at long last...

2019-08-14T21:24:00.001-07:00

The colour of my skin,
The creed of my birth,
The place of my right,
Will, no more, my name shall be.
Free at long last will I be.

The road I walk,
The words I talk,
The skin I wear,
Will, no more, my fame shall be.
Free at long last will I be.

The halo I bow to,
The law I'm avowed to,
The roof, to live under, I build to,
Will decide, no more, what my fate will be.
Free at long last will I be.

The flaw of my design,
The preachings of my faith,
The script of scriptures,
Will determine, no more, my destiny.
Free at long last I will be.

The threads of my past,
The truths and lies of my forefathers,
The meanderings of my heritage,
Will, no more, the fabric of my life, weave.
Free at long last I will be.

The fodder of my choice,
The furnishing of my abode,
The hues of my walls,
Will, no more, the brushstrokes of my being be.
Free at long last will I be.

The land that I farm,
The forest that I scavenge,
The stock that I breed,
Will, no more, the determinant of my judgement be.
Free at long last will I be.

Dull

2019-08-14T07:36:00.001-07:00

Tall
Windowless and dead
Towering to the cloud.

Convoluted
Imposing and endlessly stacked
Noiseless, and yet, loud.

Spartan
Dull and grey
Foul spotting across the land.

Hard
Dry and macabre
Life drowned in an ocean of bland.

Noise...

2019-08-10T11:08:00.001-07:00

The noise beats loud and painful
The screech and screams of the irrelevant
Endless cacophony of the tune deaf
No quiet, no silence, end.

The beats are always off tune
The peaks and troughs are all muddled
Continuous, horrid and unending friction
Headache, nausea, no end.

The tunes are sour, bitter and angry
The overtures riddled with history, long overwritten
All that rings through the endless cacophony
Pain, spin, vertigo, no end.

Snapshot of the day...

2018-12-25T05:51:00.000-08:00

SNAPSHOT OF THE DAY

2018-12-19T19:51:00.000-08:00

I was in Columbus, OH and couldn't help but marvel at the clear skies we have lost the habit of seeing in New Delhi...

Waste not...

2018-04-09T19:57:00.000-07:00

Waste not the ink of your heart,

For love that but is fleeting like the season;

For there is love for the loving,

That never in eternity will part.

Strain not your chords on a song,

That has only words and tune;

For there is music that comes from the divine,

That will live forever long.

Drown not your breath in tears,

For the alchemy never meant to be,

For there is color and scent in nature's bosom,

That will bloom for you through the years.

WATCHING AND WAITING, BY THE SEA

2017-12-26T19:33:00.001-08:00

I stood by the edge of the water waiting for the water to touch my feet,

And watched the birds glide over the crashing waves,

And waved at the boats carry men away to fish from the depths

And watched the sunrise from the mountains to the heavens

But the salt water and my feet, ne’er did they meet.

I stood by the edge of the water waiting for the waves to wash over me,

And watched the children play in the crashing waves,

And saw a few dolphins break the water to breathe,

As the sun changed colour to gold and amber,

But my body never got wet, and my soul never washed by sea.

Tired and angry, I sat myself down waiting for the tide to rise to meet me,

And stared down the fishermen rowing back, boats filled with their catch,

And watched the children swim back all gleefully drenched and dark,

The sun mellowed to a dark red as it met the horizon,

But the tide fell with the sun, and rose with the moon, never to wash o’er me.

Now I stand at the edge of the sea and think over the day,

And the moonlight plays with the crashing waves,

And the night sky riddled with stars twinkling as diamonds in a diamond mine,

Waiting for another night that shall pass by, another sun to rise,

And hoping for tomorrow, with some unknown blessing, the waters will come my way.

Snapshot of the day: The Day After

2017-04-04T10:38:00.002-07:00

Thought of my day....

2017-04-04T06:35:00.004-07:00

Religion that is no more about SPIRITUALITY...

2017-03-23T21:46:00.002-07:00

I am a tolerant person, well mostly! I believe that God and religion is a bunch of hoopla and hoax created to control the human free spirit. But, I am tolerant to those who find God or find peace in God. What I do find wholly bewildering are the people who hide behind religion when their individual purpose is solved. And I am not talking of politicians and self proclaimed tricksters, er, religious leaders! I am talking of every day idiots who hide behind religion to justify asinine behavior, incompetence and malicious intent.

A Mark Twain quote comes to mind...

And I live in India. The Motherland of Religious Escapists. Everything impractical and sometimes everything that defies basic logic can be justified by religion. Whether it is fasting yourself to illness or making excuses for not working (the never ending inventory of religious festivals and functions) to shunning basic human dignity. All this can be justified by using religion as an argument.

And there is always a loophole to exploit. At the very least to ensure that all is forgiven! If you commit a sin, no matter, there is always some temple you can ring the bell at or a river you can bathe in to clean up! And then you can go right back to sinning, whatever your choice of sin may be. Every time I go to any relic of religious worship, the number of crooks praying can only be outdone by the number of people exploiting God and the crooks to make a quick buck.

To say nothing of religious extremities! Some of them are just plain stupid and others are reflections of poor character that is preached in the garb of religion. An extreme example is that of the Aghori Sadhus. These are members of a Hindu sect who worship Shiva, whom they see as the supreme god. Because they believe that Shiva created everything – they consider nothing to be bad. For this reason they engage in a variety of sexual practices, they drink alcohol, take drugs, and eat meat. A perfect example of leveraging religion to eat, drink, fuck and make merry!

In some parts of India it is believed that ghosts can inhabit certain people of the living world. Most notably, girls who are born with a baby tooth already erupted through the gum and girls who are very ugly or have some facial deformation are believed to be possessed by ghosts. The only way to exorcise the ghosts is for the girl to marry an animal, typically a goat or dog. Even though there is a lavish wedding ceremony complete with booze and dancing, the girl is not expected to copulate with the animal – which is good news!

And how can we talk of religion and it's bullshit (pardon my language but I cannot find a better word) and not talk of the Muslims and their matam and the Sati Pratha among Hindus. Thankfully the latter has not been outlawed. But I am sure if you search deep and wide enough, it is still practiced.

By all means, pray and be spiritual. But you don't have to burn women, be violent and marry animals to achieve fulfillment. And if you truly find charity in your heart and good will to the world, practice it instead of using it as a facade to commit atrocities.

A Ghost of Wrong Exits & Turns

2016-02-09T10:17:00.000-08:00

Did I tell you about the first time?

It ran like a shiver of love

Running through all of my body

Until it was piercing light in my eyes.

Did I tell you about the second time?

It was like floating in a dream

Through darkness and light,

Until it was a tearing thirst in my throat.

Did I tell you about my tenth time?

It felt quite like the sun had run out

And winter and dark was all around,

Until it was time for the next time.

Did I tell you about the last time?

It was like a pain that promises to never cease,

Been burning in your muscles since the last time,

Until there was no breathing anymore.

Did I tell you of the shadowy streets I wonder?

Amidst the dark and scary memories past,

A ghost of wrong exits and turns,

Until there is only waiting for the next birth.

I found a book of paintings

2016-01-16T09:09:00.001-08:00

I found a book of paintings buried deep under the reverie of my attic,
Covered in brown dust through which peeked a ragged jacket;
No one knew whence it came or who painted in it,
Or whose faces were captured in bold brush strokes, and faded paint.

Therein was a painting of a young child and his dying mother,
And streams of grief flowed from innocent and helpless eyes;
The mother had streaks of sickness etched over her face, under her eyes,
Expressionless as she passed on amidst her humble belongings, under countryside skies.

There is a painting made in differing shades of grey,
Of a street corner that I've not seen the likes of before,
And, you see an unkept head of hair under the straw tent under the dead streetlight,
Under the sun or under the light of the night, it makes a dim sight.

Someplace near the center of the book of paintings that I found under the reverie of my attic,
Is a painting of a couple, how in love they seem!
Bathing in the setting sun alone on a weathered shore, along a river meandering along,
Probably watching the rising tide, the tide of promise, the tide of better fortune.

There follow a few violent paintings that follow,
With blood and gore splattered in abstract strokes and patterns,
Like a disturbed yet determined mind that has been dissected on to a canvas,
Pouring out painful memories, flowing from a mountain of dark spirits and dark faith.

There then follow a series of happy strokes with bright colors,
The couple in love, from the weathered riverside,
In the midst of prosperity, and friends, and wealth
Happiness in their hearts and loneliness in their eyes.

My book of paintings that I found under the reverie of my attic,
Ends abruptly with a lonely funeral pyre on the weathered river shore,
Like a poem half written, half formed and half lost in reverie...

My God, Broken...

2016-01-06T21:11:00.001-08:00

I woke up this morning to a cold wind

No thoughts, no words, no feeling

Into an emptiness, a hollow with no meaning

Like my God, this dawn, had not woken

I looked out of the window to a sunless stretch

No character, no colour, no shape

A monotonous plain, featureless with no end

Like my God, this day, had not spoken

I looked up at a grey and dull heaven

No streaks, no hues, no promise

A canvas with no paint,

Like my God, through the night, was broken

The forgotten promise of my generation....

2015-12-03T09:13:00.005-08:00

The whole world seems to be falling off at the seams and my country has not been left behind from the winds of turmoil and uncertainty that gradually blows us towards an unseen brink. What lies at the bottom of the abyss beyond the cliff I do not know. But I know that as a generation we have failed. And failed rather remarkably!

Every generation has a promise and every generation fails its promise in some measure. For what is a promise if it is not haughty enough to be an aspiration! I was born into a generation with roots in a murky, hardening and protracted struggle for economic and social identity - whether in the microcosm of our own hamlets of existence or on a global stage. A basis that carried the expectation of great achievements and promise of opportunities for takers. Seeded in ideals of tolerance and equality, we came with the promise to build bridges of confidence and unity over all that divided us.

And when I look around me today, I cannot help but feel that we have squandered away what was handed down to us from our fathers who toiled hard to put up for us a foundation from whence we could establish identities that would make us proud citizens in whatever room we walked into. Instead we have landed ourselves into self-centered isolated islands with no room to spare, no charity in our hearts, intolerance to our neighbours and devoid of the capability to build and sustain relationships.

Yes we have made a lot of progress on the chronology of evolution with means and ways to ease every pain and eliminate most basic units of struggle. In the process however, we have managed to increase the distances between our hearts, break down the bonds that held us together and all of this while pursuing individualistic aspirations fuelled by fear and greed. A fear that feeds greed and a greed that fuels fear. Entangled in a vicious cycle that is pushing a generation towards a social and economic reality that has incinerated all that was our rich inheritance.

We have become more prosperous and pronounced as a people but driven a a blade against the moral fibres to the point from whence we can probably no longer repair. And, unabashedly, we continue gnawing at that which unites us, and continue building more walls that divide us.

Acquisition of wealth and associated potency has become the axis of most of our existences. In this pursuit values of sharing, kindness and civic duty being drowned in an apathy that is so dark and desperate that it has begun feeding on our own self worth.

But I believe that there is good there in our souls. Buried deep in the reverie of selfishness and self-centredness, there still burns the promise of the generation that was to take the world on a shinier path. From the debate that I hear waging in corners and the unrest that brews within the walls of our homes, I hear hope for a better tomorrow. It is hope worth clinging on to for without a tiny glimmer of hope of some measure, we will end up as a generation that failed our past and failed our future.

The Outcome Matters Not...

2015-10-24T03:54:00.000-07:00

One rather solemn evening in the recent past, my grandfather said something that has stuck with me since. He is a career philosopher with years of research and teaching experience so most of what he says I absorb partially, me being someone grounded in the quagmire of practicality. He said, "you must do what you must do but misery and pain ensue when you fall in love and get attached to the outcome". Now it made sense to me somewhat at first sense as being a derivative of service without the hope and wishes of rewards from the Bhagvad Gita. But the more I thought the miseries and sorrows I encountered, self inflicted or of others, it made a lot more sense to me.

It takes the service without wish or hope of consequence or rewards to a whole new paradigm. Most often in life, we undertake the tasks or initiatives that we do with not just an anticipation of an outcome but with the expectation of a desirable outcome. And that kicks off multiple streams of events that guarantee an equal probability of either happiness or sorrow; both at the end of a path and, many times, along the road.

At the very bottom of the stacks of wisdom that makes up the meaning of life is the axiom that the future is not in our control. We can only control the present and align to the most rational course of action. The deepest flaw in our definition of the rational path is that it is built on the expectations of the rationality or gainful nature of the outcome. If we stop defining the present in terms of the future, it eliminates to a great deal the pressure and compulsions we feel to shape an outcome. And it also opens up a wide array of alternatives based on capacity, capability and level of dedication or passion that is felt.

In my experience of a corporate life I have often stumbled in decision making and execution inhibited by the fear and doubt of the outcome. Inherently therefore is the stress that is caused by the defense of the outcome against naysayers around. We feel so much love and attachment over what we have achieved that we are pained when criticism and, less often, feedback crosses our path and we drown ourselves in the joys and sorrows that accompany the rise and fall of the creation of our labors. Imagine a world in which you could just "do the right thing" that is optimum in terms of effort to execute and honest in terms of the intent. Continued stress and doubt of the future, when eliminated, opens up the space in our overcrowded mind and soul that is burdened by worry and anxiety. And inevitably helps us think and act with creativity and in the end be the best human beings we can.

Where is my God....

2015-03-21T11:25:00.002-07:00

They tell me to believe in a God

A God all potent and all seeing

And yet aGod who stands aloof

To the grave man’s gravest sins.

A God preached by the insolent

And blind faith written on lack of faith

That for no God was meant

No God who you and I prayed.

A God that does not stand up for love

And reverence for all that is good

A God who was designed to slay

All voice of dissent and those who speak nay.

A God who is at the mercy of the clerics

Who play to the narrow say of power

A God not loving, not caring

A God with vengeance and pain.

Where be the God who created the miracle of birth

And the God who blessed the earth

With rain, nature and sunlight

And the God that is worth my faith?

Vote Wisely...

2015-02-04T11:34:00.001-08:00

Been a long time and frankly for a bit, I was out of things to say. But the recent political environment and the basis for public political opinions has depressed me quite a bit. Of the many things that have left me quite dumbfounded, the complete lack of common sense and knowledge when it comes to economics has me really concerned.

For all those who are voting or forming public opinion based on political rhetoric, get a reality check, please. Spend some time on this image below.

For one, it is important to understand that the cost of running a country, providing services, maintaining a military, supporting and repairing the infrastructure, and all the other essential functions of government, is immensely expensive. Taxation, along with selling government bonds, assessing fees and imposing tariffs, are the principal means by which governments raise money to meet these expenses. Therefore we can either get low taxes, good quality of life and high cost of living or low taxes and poor quality of life or moderate taxes, moderate cost of living and all the good stuff like military security, improved infrastructure, better public education, better law and order, etc.

Don't vote for anyone who says that they will reduce taxes, make everything cheaper and improve quality of public services and of life in general. It is not achievable and moreover not sustainable.

Welfare states almost always fail! Huge budget deficits arising from endless subsidies always fail (we've been down that road). Deflation is BAD for the economy.

Please google up some macro economics for dummies before you go out to vote...

Vote wisely...!

The Dark Side of the Fortune at the Bottom of the Pyramid...

2014-05-08T02:36:00.001-07:00

Ever wonder why the common man or the much flouted aam aadmi suddenly becomes the talk of the grand political hob nobbers at every election and then forgotten? Why the plague of this strange class of voters are never really met? Is it because they are always complaining (I know we Indians can be a complaining bunch!) or is it for another reason?

A reason that is so dripping of selfish commercial and economic gain of the fat tip of the iceberg, that it makes a lot more sense to let the aam aadmi remain there complaining, crying and being traded for their emotional reaction to the practical problems. Are electricity, roads and water the root of all problems plaguing this vote bank or is it just the superficial countenance of a deeper problem. If electricity, road and water were the only problems, the somewhat khaas aadmi would also be bitching. And maybe they are but no one is listening since the weight of the democracy is with the aam aadmi with their commonplace superficial needs.

Have any of us ever wondered why the aam aadmi remains aam over the years and years of trying to improve their condition? I have a theory or two like I always tend to but what strikes me as odd is that the aam aadmi never seems to complain about living and dying aam forever. Well it is the most visible conspiracy ever! Because they rant and cry, and swing election from one political party to another and with all of the nuisance that they can be, they are the largest generators of money for the very few from whom all of them buy. Yes, that’s right! It is the huge population that is buying the bulk of what is generating the money for the khaas aadmi to get more khaas every day in their swanky urban residences and BMWs, fancy clothes from blindingly lit up malls and all the hype and hoopla.

If only every one of those poor aam aadmi guys could get a world class education and aspire entrepreneurially or get a polished service sector job, who would be sweating to harvest the crop, clean the houses and stand guard while the narrow rich throw around their spoils? And who would by the high volume fast moving products and services that make up the source of these spoils? The fortune at the bottom of the pyramid has many sides and welcome to the dark side.

There is profit to be made by letting the laborer toil and the sweeper sweep without developing aspirations. And all it takes is very meagerly financed (given the stretch of the bigger picture) but well thought out propaganda based on picking on memories, triggering emotional reactions to common problems and yes, remind them of their religious and caste based affinities to ensure that they can be divided and ruled – confined to serving, all the while being micro machines for the incredibly large profit generators.

And it is the same the world over – except probably in Marx’s dreams. Once the votes are counted and the voting machines put away for the next 4 - 5 years, the common man is better-off at the bottom of the pyramid because if they aspire and rise and claim their share of the potential pie, there would be, well, much less pie to go around because the pie would get smaller and the mouths to feed would grow. So whether they are the leaders of the extreme and conservative right or the super liberal fringes of the left, the hard core capitalist selling the Gujarat story or the communist fascist selling whatever it is that they continue to sell, or for that matter the Aam Aadmi Party – the aim is the same in the end. Make sure that the carrot keeps dangling just out of the reach of the aam aadmi and make sure it stays fresh, colorful and attractive at all times and never really let them have it.

Journey Logs of my Canon - Volume 2: Essence of Melbourne

2013-12-02T04:52:00.002-08:00

Click to Enlarge

The first “developed” city…

2013-11-28T20:54:00.001-08:00

Rome and the many public service and architectural firsts…
From www.history.com/interactives/ancient-rome/

The worst of it all…

2013-11-25T18:13:00.001-08:00

You die for your love
And you kill for your hate,
And you’d stand up for what you believe
And fight to the death.
The worst of it all is that here today
No one shall move and none shall be swayed,
And you’d die and kill, and stand and fight
For all that you’d do you’d be forgotten and failed.

You could holler and scream
And cry foul at everything you think
Is wrong and evil,
And must be done away with
The worst of it all is that here today
No one shall listen or comprehend,
The burns of your heart and the acid of your senses
For all that you have said shall be forgotten and failed.

You could write a poem or a tale
Or orate an epic that in rhythm paints,
The unjust of those that break your sway,
And live through the storm to fight another day.
The worst of it all is that here today
No reader shall read the fire and bile
That spewed forth in words that cried,
And understand the pain that was seed to the agony
For all that you have written shall be forgotten and failed.

Caught in archaic perceptions....

2013-11-19T19:39:00.003-08:00

One of the things that makes India so different from the world and possible the single most powerful adhesive between us and our past is the grip of legacy and often archaic perception driven behavior. a lot of people will call it "our culture" and some will call it "our tradition" but what it mostly is, is a set of practices and an outlook that probably made some sense in terms of practicality a long time ago. But they have stayed on with us over generations and gotten enforced as a tremendous force of inertia that drives the way we think, what drives our beliefs and value systems and how we act.

As a country and civilization, we have come a long way from our past that, while studded with gold nuggets and diamonds, is in no way all great. And while we have uniquely adopted the new realities of the environment around us, a lot of the burden of the past still lingers on creating a very complex and sometimes counter-productive approach to seeing and reacting to incidents and surrounding.

These sometimes manifest themselves in taboos that have outlived their utility. Sometimes these are presented in their associations of religious symbolism - most notably heaven and hell. Most times however this manifests in what it really is - "it is what it has been", a generational treatise that has been passed down from the past to the present.

Every passing day these carvings on the stone are being challenged and in some corners being broken down but the progress is slow. Some would probably challenge me in that any way forward breaking shackles of the past, is not progress at all! But how is breaking away from the disappointment of giving birth to a daughter, or the often frowned upon single motherhood or the taboo associated with relationships outside the wedlock not progress.

If you step outside the neon flashes of the mega cities, as you make inroads into the small town and rural cultures, such practices abound in every aspect of life. And I think that holding on to such prejudices, perceptions and practices thus have very little to do with culture or tradition or any other justifying attribute such. We hold on to these beliefs and customs driven by antique value systems because they provide a corner of comfort and a place from where the practicing individual can wield some level of unjustified influence while being shielded from the harsh discomfiture of having to change.

And more often than not we would rather be exploited for this way of thought and action than change. It is how the colonial oppression succeeded and it is how every eon of ruling class has succeeded. We are so divided in our small universes and in our minds that our effectiveness as a united force is sub-optimal at best.

The very fact that progress has proven inversely proportional to social rigidity, shows that it is. And as long as we choose to hold on to what our ancestors believed in and continue to explore the world and our lives through those narrow lenses, real progress shall elude us. The time has come for new sets of values and beliefs to be adopted that are more in line with the realities and forces of economics and globalization.