a yearning heart

Busyness

2011-02-08T23:24:00.000-06:00

“Our model is the Jesus… of the workshop, the roads, the crowds the clamorous demands and surly oppositions, the lack of all peace and privacy, the interruptions. For this… is the Divine operating under human conditions.” – C.S. Lewis

I am continually astonished at God’s work in my life. More times that I can count, I have seen God show up in ways big and small – and I know there are times when I haven’t seen God at work and yet He was there. How great it is to know that He was, is, and will be at work revealing Himself! Coming across this quote from C.S. Lewis when I did is yet more evidence of this comforting truth, and it was such a wonderful, needed reminder of my humanity.

I had just been thinking about how ‘busy’ I felt. And how long I’ve felt that way. From the end of last semester and all the ‘busyness’ from finals, to winter break and all the ‘busyness’ of the holidays and doing things at home I can’t do while at school, to the ‘busyness’ of a new semester with new classes and a new schedule - I was feeling just a bit ‘busy,’ to say the least. I started counting and making lists of all the things that had been filling my days, and I began to feel uneasy. It’s not to say that the things on my list were things I didn’t want there – Bible studies, homework for classes I am really enjoying, time with friends, etc. Yet the uneasiness remained. I was confused as to why I was feeling that way – am I stuck in a rut that will pass in time, has something changed that I have yet to recognize, am I missing something? In the middle of my questioning, uneasy, confused state, I came across C.S. Lewis’ quote.

Sometimes, all too often, I forget that Jesus lived. Breathed. Walked. Talked. Jesus was human, and while I cannot begin to explain/comprehend His two-in-one God/man identity, the fact remains. I spent some time just reading the Gospels – and between every parable, every teaching, every miracle, every scolding of His disciples, every dispute with the Pharisees, the narrative of Jesus’ humanity is found. He traveled from town to town. He stood on the mountainside. He walked through the valley. He saw. He heard. He felt. He slept. He wept. This is Jesus – in all of His divine humanity. He was God, and yet He lived as man. And a ‘busy’ man at that. I could point out accounts of His ‘busyness’ specifically, but I would end up quoting close to the entirety of the four Gospels. Bottom line – Jesus’ life was ‘busy.’

But was Jesus ‘busyness’ really relatable to mine? Jesus was busy healing the sick and lame, preaching to His followers, teaching His disciples, while I find myself busy with researching for a paper in my theology class or studying for an exam in my marketing class. Can I compare what I fill my day with to what Jesus did in His time on Earth? Busy as defined by Webster’s Dictionary as “full of activity; engaged in action.” The state of ‘being busy’ involves a state of action, movement, activity. This certainly seems to be an accurate description of Jesus being busy – it hardly seems there is a time when He is not engaged in one thing or another. Yet when I describe myself, am I correct in saying that I am “full of activity?” Some days I couldn’t agree more, and yet others I don’t find myself with such a filled schedule. Of course there are times when I am active and engaged in activity, but is it relatable to what should be my example, the pattern I desire to follow with all I am? What I found interesting was one description for ‘busyness’ I came across as being “lively or meaningless activity.” This gives the connotation that busyness is not necessarily a good thing – that the activity I say is keeping me busy may not be as meaningful as it should. Are the things that fill my day meaningful pursuits or are they meaningless activities? I think it is important to recognize that there are things that are meaningful that are not enjoyable – it can be so easy to procrastinate the meaningful activities I must complete simply because I do not desire the actual activity of doing them. But I find myself convicted of filling my time with the meaningless far more often than the meaningful.

While there is conviction to be pursuing the meaningful above the meaningless, I still struggle with the overwhelming sense of being busy in general. How can I seek comfort to my uneasy, confused feelings on managing the demands of my day? The lesson comes when we learn how Jesus dealt with His busyness – to let Him be the example in this part of our lives as we are called to emulate in every aspect of ourselves as Christians, His followers. Over and over again, Jesus takes Himself out of His busy situations to pray: “But He would withdraw to desolate places and pray” (Luke 5:16); “In these days He went out to the mountain to pray, and all night He continued in prayer to God” (Luke 6:12); “And after He had dismissed the crowds, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray” (Matthew 14:23); “And after He had taken leave of them, He went up on the mountain to pray” (Mark 6:46); “Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, ‘Sit here, while I go over there and pray’” (Matthew 26:36). Prayer is routine, pattern, constant in the busy life Jesus lead. This was a practice noticed by the disciples: “Now Jesus was praying in a certain place, and when He finished, one of His disciples said to him, “Lord, teach us to pray, as John taught his disciples” (Luke 11:1). What an example to follow – that in the midst of our busyness we would seek the calm, peace, our Savior. How important, vital this is: to seek and savor the peace of God through prayer in the midst of the chaos - and to let the calm supply an allowance to press on into the things in this life that are demanded of us.

In all of this discussion of busyness and seeking the Lord, I keep returning to the story of Mary and Martha and their behavior in Jesus’ presence. While Martha was caught in busyness and anxiety, Mary took the time to choose ‘the good portion.’ Mary remembered the importance of taking time at Jesus’ feet. She was following Jesus’ example. This life only promises to be filled with what C.S. Lewis described as “human conditions” of activity, work, tasks, busyness. Yet in all of that, let us choose to take time for seeking the Lord. Oh, that I may by the strength of my Savior remember to always choose ‘the good portion’ amidst the anxiety, troubles, and busyness!

“Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to His teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.” – Luke 10:38-42

Temptation

2010-11-21T16:27:00.000-06:00

“It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present to us; it is the very sign of His presence.” – C.S. Lewis

I continue to be astounded at the ways that God chooses to reveal Himself, even from a quote taken from a letter written in 1942 by an atheist-turned-Christian-apologist and novelist. This quote from C.S. Lewis has been a favorite of mine in recent weeks for many reasons. As I am continually aware of my sinful, wicked, broken self in my desires to follow Christ with all that I am, I am even more aware of God’s presence. When my sin is overpowering me and my heart is heavy, it is then that God shows up and His presence is more evident than ever before. At times I feel I experience more growth from my recognition and confession of my own sin than from hours of Bible study, meditation, and sermons.

The quote above is taken from a longer excerpt I wanted to delve into a bit more:

“I know all about the despair of overcoming chronic temptations. It is not serious provided self-offended petulance, annoyance at breaking records, impatience, etc. doesn’t get the upper hand. No amount of falls will really undo us if we keep on picking ourselves up each time. We shall of course be very muddy and tattered children by the time we reach home. But the bathrooms are all ready, the towels put out, and the clean clothes are in the airing cupboard. The only fatal thing is to lose one’s temper and give it up. It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present to us; it is the very sign of His presence.” – C.S. Lewis

So often I find myself yearning for heaven – and not just to be able to glorify, praise, worship, exalt, and dwell with God, as incredible as that will be. Heaven also holds the promise that “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Revelation 21:3-4). Oh, how great that day will be, and how I desire it! Yet I find myself here, in the middle of those ‘former things,’ where temptations at times seem to consume me. There are those temptations in my life that become recurring events I cannot seem to overcome. What amazes me is so often, I ignore the reality that I am only able to overcome temptation by the grace of God, and instead I seek to defeat them on my own. I tell myself if I ignore them long enough, they will go away, or as I focus on repentance in other areas, I leave some sins to continually fall back on. And as C.S. Lewis eloquently describes, there is such despair in overcoming those chronic temptations. We keep falling into temptation without really becoming undone if we continually try to resolve them on our own power. This is such foolishness, as the fall still causes pain, brokenness, sin, dirt.

As we are tempted, it is so important to remember that we are not alone. We are not the only person to have ever faced temptation, as much as we may want to believe the opposite. Luke 4:1-13 chronicles Jesus’ temptation in the wilderness, and it is so important to understand the implications that our Savior, who at the cross took on our sins that are a result of our temptation, experienced and overcame His own temptation without sin. Throughout the narrative, Satan perverts Jesus’ needs into temptation. And still, Jesus passes through it because of His complete obedience and trust in God. Sometimes my heart becomes so burdened at knowing the One who knew no sin became sin, became my sin, so that I may have life… But as I struggle with sin, there is hope because of the cross. It is through the cross that I find life. My life is not meant to be lived alone, but rather in relationship with my Savior. Jesus’ example in the face of temptation has a profoundly direct and practical application to our lives as we struggle with temptation.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” – Hebrews 4:15-16

Jesus was tempted just as we are tempted. We can be comforted that nothing tempting us is foreign to Jesus, as He endured temptation in every respect, every aspect of human life. Jesus did not respond to His temptation with ignorance or self-reliance, but rather in complete obedience and trust in God’s power as He used Scripture to refute each of Satan’s attacks. He is then able to sympathize with our weaknesses. So with that knowledge, we should realize that we are able to draw near to Him. We have confidence because of the cross to approach God, the throne of grace. God is ready and prepared to receive us as our broken, muddy, tattered, dirty selves. We don’t need to fix ourselves or do anything to please Him, but rather we may come to the throne of grace just as we are with confidence in the cross. And it is at that place, when we are able to take notice of our own dirt, our own wickedness, our own brokenness, our own sin and to acknowledge that we are not okay but rather desperately need a Savior to wash us clean through His blood on the cross, where God becomes most present. Out of our desperation, God’s peace, mercy, grace, security, and presence are revealed. The dirt, as C.S. Lewis describes, shows the presence of God in that we only recognize the clean perfection of Jesus Christ when compared to our filth. God is revealed through our brokenness. Our need for a Savior is never more evident than when we acknowledge our own sinfulness.

But the story does not end with us simply acknowledging our brokenness and need for a Savior. We may then receive mercy, grace, peace, and hope. God promises that we are not abandoned in our temptation, but rather extends His merciful hand to grant us grace, peace, and love unconditionally. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” We have hope that there is no temptation that will be beyond our ability to endure. When we are tempted, we must remember not to rely on ourselves, but obediently place our trust fully in our faithful God who is our every provision. Remember to rely on God in those moments of temptation. Recognize and respond to His presence when you notice the dirt in your life.

Timing

2010-11-16T23:31:00.000-06:00

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” – Ecclesiastes 3:1

This verse opens the passage in Ecclesiastes some know as the ‘time for everything’ passage; an extensive list of back-and-forth examples of seemingly opposite events to illustrate that seasons and times come and go. I’m not going to detail them all here, though I encourage you to read them with careful thought in Ecclesiastes 3:2-8. It is a powerful passage that can provide much comfort, hope, and peace in the midst of affliction or suffering. It illustrates that through all things, God is in control as He orchestrates the seasons. The passage I do want to highlight and dig into a bit more from Ecclesiastes 3 concerns how God’s timing relates to our lives in a personal, individual way.

“What gain has the worker from his toil? I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God's gift to man.
I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. God has done it, so that people fear before him. That which is, already has been; that which is to be, already has been; and God seeks what has been driven away.” – Ecclesiastes 3:9-15

This passage shows how specific God’s timing truly is. “He has made everything beautiful in its time;” not only is there a time for everything, but God makes everything work together in His perfect timing and for His perfect purposes alone. Yet as much as we may try, we cannot know His perfect timing. We must trust that God is in control. It is not for us to know God’s timing (“he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end”), but rather to trust that what He has willed for us is good and perfect. We must remember that His ways are not our own. Only He understands how everything fits together, and as much as we may desire or seek that knowledge, it is His alone. In the meantime, we must live seeking to do the will of God and trust His control over all seasons and times to the extent of His call on our lives. Romans 8:28 assures us all that God does works together for good: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” Whether we like it or not, God has a plan for each of us that will come to pass despite all the sinful wickedness that seems to stand in the way in our eyes. God even demonstrates His perfect timing in when Jesus walked this earth: “For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ dies for the ungodly” (Romans 5:6). Through suffering and joy, pain and pleasure, hurt and healing, God’s timing is perfect.

When I think of an example of God’s perfect timing in my own life, so many experiences come to mind. But one of the first times I tangibly experienced the perfection of God’s timing was in the summer of 2007. Actually, the story starts long before that. In the summer after my freshman year, God called me not to serve at camp like I had always dreamed of doing that summer, but rather to go with my church on a week-long mission trip to Monterrey, Mexico. On that trip, God really began to open my eyes to the world around me and break my heart for the suffering of others. Looking back, I can see my passion for working with kids and my heart to serve were sparked by that trip. Then the following summer, instead of going on the trip with my church, I went to serve at the annual retreat of all the Evangelical Covenant denomination’s missionaries stationed in Mexico. While the missionaries were in their sessions, I provided childcare to the missionary kids. During meals and in between sessions, I had the opportunity to talk with some fascinating people who God had called to work in Mexico. I heard so many stories of God’s providence and how He was using these ordinary people who had responded to His extraordinary call.

So later that fall, I was already thinking and praying about what God had in store for my next summer – would I go back to Mexico, and if so would I go with my church to Monterrey or return to the missionary retreat? Or was God calling me to camp, the one place I had always thought I would be during my summers as a high school student? God quickly responded, and provided me with the opportunity to return to Mexico and serve one of the missionary families I had met at the retreat the previous summer. They had just welcomed their second child and were open to the possibility of having someone stay with them during the summer as an extra pair of hands. It quickly became evident that this is what God wanted, and a few short months later, I found myself on a plane back to Monterrey. I spent the first week with the mission team from my church, and then stayed in Monterrey for just over a month after that. My days were spent doing whatever I was able to do – babysit, wash dishes, whatever. But my summer was so much more than that! I got the chance to see and experience life as a missionary firsthand – what their life is like as they not only run programs and classes through their ministry, but also as they raise a family and live everyday lives. God taught me so much more on that trip, and I still look back and see new lessons and truths revealed to me because of it all the time. But of all things, the most obvious lesson I learned is that God’s timing truly is perfect. The spring before I was to arrive, this family had planned to move to a new home, as they were quickly outgrowing their old one. In the end, they did not end up being able to move before I came but rather had to schedule the move while I was there. So, I often babysat the boys in the midst of packing, and I was able to help in whatever other ways I could. At the end of my time in Mexico, I returned with this family to the annual missionary retreat and again assisted with childcare. But throughout my entire time there, God was showing that His timing is perfect. If I had not been there during the move, as was the original ‘plan,’ it would have been much more difficult to accomplish everything when it needed to be. God revealed that His timing required me to be there when they moved, something that could in no way have been planned as far in advance as my trip had been planned. I was able to be the blessing that family needed because God placed me there at that time.

Again and again, over and over, I can clearly see how God has shown up in my life through His perfect timing. He knew that I needed to have a few experiences in Mexico instead of my plans that I would be working at camp those summers. It was His timing that led me to where I was supposed to be. It was His timing that still led me to work at camp later in my life. It was His timing that led me to study at a junior college before coming to North Park. It was His timing that led me to where I am in my life. It was His timing that I start this blog when I did.

And even as I sit here writing this, though I can look back and see how blessed I have been through God’s perfect timing in my past, it becomes painfully evident that I still cling to my sinful, wicked, broken fears and doubts about my future. Though I do have faith that God will do what He desires in my life, it is still difficult to surrender my future and completely trust Him. Yet I find comfort that God has shown Himself in my life in the past, and knowing that makes trusting His timing a little less frightening. He truly is the “God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3-11) who desires us to rely on Him for our every need. He alone is faithful, He alone is good, and I am able to draw near to Him. The ways that He has demonstrated His perfect timing in my life in the past comfort me and let me trust Him more. How great it is that the God who loves us and created us and has a plan for each of our lives according to His perfect timing desires a personal, intimate relationship! Even as I reflect on my past and fear my future, I have the comfort of God’s perfect timing through hope, faith, and trust in Him alone in the present.

Worship

2010-11-09T11:24:00.002-06:00

"God created us for this: to live our lives in a way that makes Him look more like the greatness and the beauty and the infinite worth that He really is. This is what it means to be created in the image of God." – John Piper

After working with kids for any amount of time, one quickly comes to the conclusion that children are curious creatures. This is easily evidenced by the fact that they ask questions. A lot of questions. Especially with younger children, the most questions asked are often “why” questions. Why does this happen? Why doesn’t that happen? Why do I have to eat my vegetables? Why is the sky blue? Why do I have to be nice? Why do I have to go to bed?

There is a common assumption that as children grow, they will ask fewer questions as their knowledge grows. But does their curiosity leave them? Think of it this way – you were once a curious child, and while you may no longer vocalize your questions, are you no longer curious? I think there is an illusion that with age and wisdom we loose our curiosity. Or perhaps somewhere along the way we start accepting things for the way they are for that reason alone and sadly stop seeking answers. However, it is healthy to continue to ask questions and challenge ourselves to find answers throughout our lives. Now of course we stop asking why we need to eat our vegetables (unless you really don’t understand that they add to a healthy diet and provide many important nutrients), but the answers to some questions are still mysteries to us. We are still just as curious as we were as children, just about different questions.

I often find myself asking those questions – not why do I have to go to bed, but the more general “why” questions. Perhaps the biggest “why” question posed (maybe in all of humanity) is about the meaning of life. Why are we here? Why do we exist? Why did God create us?

There are plenty of answers to this question, many of them good ones. But every answer I’ve heard to the question of why we exist only ever boils down to one ultimate goal. One all-consuming end. One purpose. When all is said and done, the purpose of life is to glorify God. That’s it. That’s the answer. God created us to glorify Him. Now I don’t mean to over-simplify it, as glorifying God can take many unique forms, but in the end, we were created to glorify God. To exalt His name. To praise Him and Him alone. In a word, worship.

I wanted to find a concise definition for worship, and in that search I was reminded that worship is not just a noun – it is not just a thing, an object, a concept. It can be defined as a noun, as Merriam-Webster does calling worship “the reverence offered a divine being or supernatural power; a form of religious practice with its creed and ritual.” But that is not the extent of worship. Worship is not just a concept – with it comes the necessity for action, for movement, for a verb form. As a verb, Merriam-Webster defines worship as “to honor or reverence as a divine being or supernatural power; to regard with great or extravagant respect, honor, or devotion.” In that definition, it is clear – worship is a verb. Worship has implications of action, movement, a state of being. It is not stationary, inactive, or idle. Worship (that is, glorifying God), is not a stagnate thing that allows a passive engagement. Rather, it requires us to act. To respond. To engage.

All right, so if we are created to worship and glorify God, and that worship requires action, then where do we go from here? Well, Jesus spoke on the subject of worship in one of my favorite passages from the Bible. The Gospel of John narrates Jesus’ encounter with a Samaritan woman at Jacob’s well (John 4:4-42). I love the narrative of His encounter with this woman, who by all cultural means and worldly standards has no right to even be conversing with Jesus. This was a woman forced to go to the well for her water in the middle of the day, a different time than the other women, because she was outcast, isolated, separated from the rest of her community because of her life of sin in their judgmental human eyes. This is due to the fact that this woman had five husbands, yet was not married to the man she was living with; this shows her life of wickedness and sin, which was enough to make people question the appropriateness of her conversing with Jesus. Beyond that, she was a Samaritan, and in this day Jews were expected to stay away from Samaritans. Yet despite all of these social and cultural standards that should have separated these two, Jesus reached out to this woman and asked her for a drink from the well. It is in this context (after an awesome conversation concerning living water in John 4:10-14 that I can’t get into now!) that the woman challenges Jesus as to the nature of worship. Here, Jesus gives a definition of worship by which we should be engaging with our Savior:

“Jesus said to her, ‘Woman, believe me, the hour is coming when neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father. You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews. But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship Him. God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.’” – John 4:21-24

Jesus gives us the instructions for worship in his conversation with this Samaritan woman, and throughout Jesus’ life it is clear what importance was placed on worship. In His Jewish culture, Jesus learned to worship in private (at home, and in his childhood as he was raised by Mary and Joseph) as well as in public (in the synagogues as well as the Temple in Jerusalem). As compared to our American culture, we also worship in private and in public. In private, we worship through quiet time, through prayer, through study, through meditation. In public, we worship in a church corporately. However, it is interesting to note that our corporate public worship is nothing more than a natural overflow of our private worship. We are reflecting our daily private worship in our weekly public worship. If our private worship lacks authenticity, how then can we expect authentic worship when we are worshiping in public?

If our worship is so connected, then we must pay close attention to Jesus’ words on worship. John 4:23 says “true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth.” So what does that mean? Basically, as we worship, we must be sure that we are not just going through the motions. Worship is engaging the spirit. Worship is authentic, with no masks or false allusions. When I was at home a few weeks ago, my pastor at my home church spoke on the importance of true worship. He mentioned the fact that eventually, in heaven, we will all be worshiping God in His very presence. So then, with the realization that worship is ultimately about bringing glory to God, and that one day we will see God in heaven and worship Him in that state, we should be sure that our worship now keeps that constantly on our minds. We must realize that God is spirit, that He is with us as we worship, and we must recognize His presence. We recognize God’s spiritual presence in worship by engaging our spirit when we worship. We should not idly sing along to songs or listen to Scripture readings, but we should engage our spirit in active listening to sermons, seeking truth and relevance in Scripture, and respond to God’s presence. We should be preparing for and participating in it. Worship, ultimately, is done for the glory of God for Him to receive.

Through worship, we also reveal the truth about God. It is only in worship that the clarity of who God is becomes most evident. True worship leaves no room for us to let ourselves remain at the center of our lives. So often we keep ourselves on the thrones of our lives through how we prioritize things, or only partially surrender to God the things that he calls us to leave behind as we fully embrace His grace. Instead of allowing Christ to be the center of our lives, we keep ourselves in control, and in that state it is impossible to effectively engage in worship. True worship, the worship that Jesus calls us to in John 4:24, must reveal the truth that God is first. Therefore, true worship reorders our lives and places God on His rightful throne. A professor at North Park defines worship as “identity maintenance” – it is a reminder of who I am, that my identity is only accurate when God is placed first above all else. There are of course times in my life when I need to be reminded of this truth, and I often find myself realizing that I must return God to his rightful place as the center of my life through worship.

I was talking with a good friend recently about the importance of worship, and she touched on a point that is so incredibly relevant to making sure that our worship is authentic and truthful. Often, when we go to worship, we go with the mentality that we should get something in return. That God will reveal Himself through Scripture clearly. That we would instantly realize the answers to our prayers in a tangible way. That by going through the motions of worship we will somehow magically ‘feel’ the Holy Spirit’s presence. That a conviction or contentment in our worship will be an immediate result. Maybe it’s a past experience of worship, a time when we strongly felt the Spirit, that we are longing and desiring to reach that same place again. However, this can quickly overshadow what our worship should really be. When we enter worship with the preoccupation that we should get something out of it for our benefit, Satan can so easily get a hold of that selfish desire and make worship into something it is not supposed to be. Instead, we need to prepare for worship, engage actively in it – with no wicked, selfish expectations, but with the goal to simply glorify God. The word ‘liturgy,’ which is used often in the context of corporate worship, comes from the Greek word “λειτουργία; Leitourgia” literally meaning the “work of the people.” Our worship is not an idle act; instead, worship is work. Nothing worthwhile in life happens without effort, and worship is just the same. It requires us to take time to prepare for it and participate actively in it. In our worship, we must be drawing from the presence of God. We cannot be selfish in our worship and expect it to be authentic, true worship of God in spirit and truth. Worship, by its very nature, is glorifying God, and there is nothing in the glorification of God that should be of any benefit to us. It is by the very grace of God that we are even allotted to take a breath. How selfish and sinful it is for us to enter a time of worship with any notion that we should have any benefit to take from it!

It can seem so simple, that we were created to worship and glorify God. But the reason we worship, while it is why we were created, is also so that we may be active participants in the kingdom of God. We do the work of worship so that we may then be about the work of the kingdom. There is a risk present in worship – it is by no means always easy to reach a state of complete worship. Complete worship in spirit and truth requires surrender. We are called to surrender to God’s will in our lives, and this is at times no more evident than when we are called to surrender to God in worship. It is often when we are completely surrendered to God in worship that we are quickly reminded of the need to completely surrender all of our lives to Him. We must realize that it is nothing in our own power, but that God calls us as we are. Just as Jesus called His disciples out of their lives as they were to follow Him completely, we are called to surrender to Him just as we are in all of our sin and wickedness that has been washed away through His loving grace by Christ’s blood on the cross. God calls us to surrender. This is definitely an area of struggle for me – being vulnerable is one of my greatest fears. To have no walls or curtains protecting or hiding my heart is something that my sinful self is terrified of. Yet it is in true worship that I find myself completely vulnerable before God and reminded that any walls or curtains I put up are not barriers for my Savior, as much as I may try to make them. Through worship, God reminds me to reorder my life. To place Him on the throne and in the center of my life once again. To be truly vulnerable. To surrender my all. To authentically engage my spirit in glorifying Him. To give Him all the praise He and He alone is so worthy of. God calls us to the work of worship, and I am so thankful that He calls us to surrender just as we are. That is what God created us for – to worship.

Baptism

2010-10-29T17:51:00.002-05:00

At almost every Sunday morning church service I have been to recently, including this past Sunday when I was back at my home church, there has been a baptism during the service. At first I thought nothing of it, but around the fifth baptism I was able to witness, I realized God might be trying to say something (funny how obviously God has to show up before we get a clue sometimes, huh?). I realized that I needed to be reminded of the importance of baptism – both the significance of baptism in Christianity and in my own personal life.
Now I know there are books upon books by theologians and scholars with more Biblical knowledge than I will ever hope to gain who debate the arguments surrounding baptism – infant baptism, believer baptism, where they align and disagree. I don’t want to delve into the theology and specific doctrines followed by different church denominations surrounding baptism, but rather what the Bible, the ultimate authority over all, has to say on the issue.

We all know that John the Baptist baptized people in preparation for the Messiah. Jesus Himself was baptized by John the Baptist. Baptism is even present in the Great Commission – as Jesus Christ is preparing to ascend to heaven, He addresses baptism in His last words to the disciples, saying, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you” (Matthew 28:19-20). Baptism also appears in the early church. “And Peter said to them, ‘Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit’” (Acts 2:38).
Baptism signifies the removal of impurity and sin, and represents a repentance from sin and turning to God for forgiveness and purification. It portrays our death and resurrection with Christ: the death of our old life of sinful wickedness and our resurrection as a new creation in spiritual union with Christ. Romans 6:1-4 says, “What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? We were buried therefore with Him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in the newness of life.” We become new creations with a ‘newness of life,’ and baptism is a sign of that new creation. Now don’t get me wrong here, baptism does not equate salvation – that’s only from grace through faith (see Ephesians 2!). Baptism illustrates that we are united with Christ; “For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ” (Galatians 3:27). It is not one’s own work, but rather the significance of the grace one has received from God. There is something so meaningful about the outward act of baptism representing being cleansed by Jesus’ blood and welcomed into the Kingdom of God that so greatly illustrates God’s loving grace.
Martin Luther once said “Remember your baptism.” I was baptized as an infant, and while I cannot myself think of specific memories of that day, I reaffirm my baptism all the time. In remembering my own baptism, I realize that everyday I still have to ask forgiveness on my knees before my Savior and be submerged in His loving grace that washes away my every blemish, wrinkle, and spot. I know that on my own I am sinful and wicked and that it is only through Christ’s blood at the cross that I am made clean. I remember that I am a precious child of God who has been cleansed by Him, claimed by Him, chosen by Him, valued by Him, loved by Him. In remembering my baptism, I remember who I am and Whose I am. All my worth is from Him. I remember that all that I am is to be about Him – everything that is my own has died and I have been raised from my sin through Christ who remains in me. Wow. God is so good!
Looking back on the recent baptisms I was able to witness, I also realize I had the chance to be a part of this moment in another person’s life. I was able to celebrate in the significance that God is in their life with them. Often they were infants whose families were committing to raise them to know the Lord. A couple were people who had decided to be baptized after professing their faith and dependence on Christ as Savior. But in each case, a life was committed to Christ. It is so humbling to witness baptism, to be a part of that, and I am so thankful for the abundance of baptisms I have recently witnessed.
A friend from camp (who has an amazing, God-given talent for visual arts) recently shared a powerful video that I think captures the beauty of baptism more than words can ever describe. I share it with you as an encouragement to celebrate in the baptism of others as well as remembering your own baptism. If you have not yet been baptized, I encourage you to think about making that next step in faith - or maybe taking that first step towards salvation and a relationship with Jesus if He is not yet your Lord and Savior. To God be all the glory, and oh, how great it is to celebrate with those who are a part of His Kingdom!

Baptism from Jason John on Vimeo.

Prayer

2010-10-17T14:00:00.001-05:00

“Prayer does not equip us for greater work; prayer is the greater work.” – Oswald Chambers

During a recent Sunday night collegelife at North Park, we spent an extended amount of time in prayer. God yet again brought me to a place that has not always been comfortable for me or that came easily to me. Of all the spiritual disciplines, prayer is something that I have wrestled with more than any other in my Christian walk. As a child, I can remember knowing that praying was ‘talking to God’ - it meant being quiet, closing your eyes, folding your hands, bowing your head, and listening intently to the Pastor or whoever else was praying aloud. I understood on an elementary level what prayer was, but it was not real to me. My thoughts would wander, I would feel like I needed to have words but end up with none, and it seemed unreal and a bit bizarre to be talking to someone that I could not see or hear respond to me like another person. Even years later I remember having doubts that the God of the universe would really hear what I would have to say, or that what I had to say would make any difference.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines prayer as “an address (as a petition) to God or a god in word or thought; an earnest request or wish.” The basis of my struggle, I discovered, was rooted in my doubts that God would be hearing my prayer, would listen to what I would have to say, would find value in my petitions. I knew that God loved me and cared for me, but I did not yet understand the significance that came with salvation. That God desires to hear my prayers. That because of His unconditional love, he desired for me to commune with Him though prayer. That my relationship with Jesus was personal, and that meant being open to what was at the time uncomfortable intimacy through prayer.
So, God started to work on my heart and my prayer life started to grow. At first when I prayed myself, I consistently found myself drifting in my thoughts and never focusing on what I thought I should be focusing on. I felt like I wasn’t conforming to the right ‘formula’ for prayer. I wasn’t saying the right words or spending the right amount of time in prayer, and I avoided all opportunities for public prayer. I knew there were various structures of prayer one could follow, but they never seemed genuine to me. But then, through encouragement from others, time, patience, and the grace of God, I started to see my prayer life grow.
The moment that I stopped relying on my own knowledge of what I though prayer was supposed to be was when I realized an amazing truth – that while God is sovereign over all things, we can move Him with our prayers. That yes, God does care to hear my prayer, to listen, and to respond. I saw that my fledgling prayer life was an issue of my heart – I was misunderstanding the nature and character of God in feeling I should or was obligated to pray, but not committing to actually carrying that out.
One of the issues I struggled with (and still at times do struggle with) is that of predestination – if God knows everything about me, about what I am dealing with, what is on my heart, what is to happen in my future, why do I need to vocalize that through prayer? If He already knows, why tell Him again? And of course, God responded to me again through Scripture. In Exodus 32, Moses is pleading with God not to destroy His people after they had crafted and began worshiping the golden calf while Moses was on Mt. Sinai. God says that He will bring His wrath on His people, but verse 11 says that “Moses implored the Lord his God.” Moses was able to bring his concerns before God and plead that the people would not be destroyed as God had just told Moses they were to be. And yet, after Moses pleads with Him, “the Lord relented from the disaster that He had spoken of bringing on His people” (32:14). Though God was, and still is, sovereign over all things, Moses moved Him with his prayers. Jesus reiterates this promise in Luke 11:9-10, saying “everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; to the one who knocks it will be opened.” Therefore, we are called to not sit idly by in our faith journey, but to engage and act and interact with our heavenly Father through our prayers. Now I am not saying that our prayers will change the will of God – He is still sovereign over all things. But, while it is true God is sovereign, He listens to our prayers and is moved by them. I have no doubt in my heart that God’s will will be done, in my life and in the world around me, yet I also understand the importance of my communion with Him about the things He has laid on my heart through prayer.
In his sermon titled “The Art of Prayer,” Matt Chandler gives one of the best explanations of why we should pray. In fact, a lot of what brought me back to this topic recently was from listening to this sermon. Here, he describes the importance of prayer:

“God’s appointed means to achieving His appointed purpose is the proclamation of the Word. Which means God said, ‘The means by which I’m going to accomplish this is the preaching, teaching and proclamation of the Word. So I’m going to save men through the preaching and teaching of the Bible and through interpersonal relationships where the gospel is taught and lived out.’ So we preach because the means by which God is going to draw men to Himself is through the proclamation and preaching of the Word. The same is true about prayer. So prayer becomes the means by which the purposes of God are accomplished. So in this way, prayer changes things.” – Matt Chandler, “The Art of Prayer”

And perhaps the most important thing to remember through prayer is that it must start from a place of faith in the cross of Jesus Christ. I can look back at my prayer life and see that the times when I was not praying out of my own selfish, sinful being but instead praying out of God’s love and grace and power, and it was then that my prayers were not approaching the throne with the desire to bring about my own means. Instead, they were focused on placing God’s will above all else. Remembering that the Holy Spirit invades my thoughts shows that the things placed on my heart and mind in prayer, when based on my confidence in the cross, are coming from the Father. Matt Chandler illustrates that prayer not be a wish list of selfish desires, but a communion with God rooted in our faith in the cross:

“Matthew 21:22 says, ‘And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.’ Now there starts to be this little caveat in here that would stop you from being able to pretend to be Aladdin. He said that if you pray and ask for anything, you’ll receive it if you have faith. That’s not the faith that that prayer would come about, but that’s rather faith in the cross of Jesus Christ. Which means that for prayer to be effective, we must have a heart that belongs to the Lord. Which means you’re going to pray less and less and less selfishly and more and more and more in regards to the kingdom. John 15:7 says, ‘If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.’ So now we’ve got another caveat, don’t we? ‘If My word is in you and your are in Me, then ask whatever you want, and then it will be done.’” – Matt Chandler, “The Art of Prayer”

I am so thankful that throughout my struggle with prayer, God has been faithful. In those times of doubting, drifting, disbelief, laziness, and wandering, I have never had to say that I could not return to the cross. It is the realization that I am unworthy to approach the throne of God in my wicked sinful nature that reminds me God has made a way for my salvation through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I am not confident in myself, but in the cross, and that leads me to prayer. To assurance that God hears my prayers and is moved by them. To knowledge that God is sovereign in those times when I do struggle with prayer. That God’s love overflows and washes away any doubt that may linger. I know I still struggle and wrestle with prayer in my life, but I am confident in the cross of Jesus Christ that I may continue to learn to grow deeper in communion and intimacy with God.

Obedience

2010-09-28T23:10:00.003-05:00

“Immediately they left their nets and followed Him.”

- Matthew 4:20

Sometimes I wonder at how closely I obey God’s call on my life. I know there have been times when God has clearly placed a calling on my heart that I obediently responded to, and from that amazing things were accomplished. But I know that for every time I did obey, there are millions of other times when that obedience did not happen. When I did not respond to God’s call, for this reason or that excuse. When I didn’t obey because I was not open to hearing that call in the first place. When I waited or delayed my response and did not obey immediately because of fears or doubts.

But it is amazing to me that there are so many times when God has proven His sovereignty through His calling of so many, and how greatly He blessed those who obeyed. The most obvious comes in the calling of the disciples (Matt. 4:18-22; Mark 1:16-20). Jesus is just beginning His ministry here on earth, and as He is walking by the Sea of Galilee, He calls to Simon Peter and Andrew and says “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men” (Matt. 4:19). In much the same way, He also calls James and John, Zebedee’s sons. Now, I can just imagine what must be going through their heads in this moment. They are asked to leave behind all that they know, the familiar, their comfort zone, their family, their career, their home, their source of income, their lives as they know them in exchange for following Jesus. With the advantage of hindsight, I know I would like to say that of course, had I been in their position, I would have made the same choice to follow and obey Jesus instantly. But Peter, Andrew, James, and John haven’t grown up hearing about Jesus as I have. At this point, they did not trust Him as their personal Lord and Savior, as I do. They haven’t seen Him perform miracles and heard Him teach about loving God and others. They haven’t experienced the fulfillment of the cross through the very One that calls them. And yet, with all of the reasons not to, they follow Him. And not only do they follow Him, but the Scriptures say they immediately leave everything behind and follow Him (Matt. 4:20,22). They don’t take time to be sure the family they leave behind will be cared for. They don’t debate the pros and cons of the decision. They don’t wait for a better offer to come around. They do not seek advice or counsel from other important people and influences in their lives. They instead, in the insanity that Christ instills in those who follow Him as viewed by this broken world, leave their nets. Immediately get up. Follow Jesus. Obey.

A recent devotional I was reading (from Our Daily Bread) described how the Air Force trained pilots during the Vietnam War to respond to the ‘call’ of a buzzer, signaling them to act and get to their planes. They were trained to respond immediately to that call. The first thing I related this to in my own experience is something at camp called a Lost Swimmer Drill (LSD). There are many layers of safety in place at the waterfront area of CHBC, but if there is the chance that a camper is not accounted for, a siren will sound from all over the grounds and the staff will spring to action. Before campers arrive during staff training, we work to learn our jobs so that when that siren goes off, we may immediately act. And that preparation paid off, because at those times during the summer when that siren sounded (which I will forever remember as one of the worst/scariest sounds I have ever heard), we immediately responded and did our jobs.

In much the same way, God has a calling for each of us. It may be a life-long calling that turns our worlds upside down like He did in the lives of His twelve disciples, or it may be something that seems as miniscule as the call to pray for someone God has laid on our hearts. Whatever that call is, as Christ’s followers, our response should be that of obedience. It should be that of immediate obedience. And yet, so often we delay. We put off. We avoid. We don’t immediately obey.

In all honesty, the story that I often relate to in my obedience toward God is the call of Moses. Through one of the most seemingly obvious callings in the Bible, God uses the physical sight of a burning bush and speaks to Moses of what he is called to do – to deliver God’s chosen people out of the hand of the Egyptians (Exodus 3-4). And so, Moses receives his calling. Seems simple enough. Again with the gift of hindsight, I would imagine that a burning bush that is not being consumed and from which God is calling my name would be enough for my immediate obedience. Yet I know that in reality, my reaction would not have been much different than Moses’ reaction. Moses hears God’ call for him, and yet he responds with his fears and doubts – five times he tries to deny God’s call. First, Moses says “who am I to go to Pharaoh?” And God responds that he does not go alone, for “I will be with you” (3:11-12). Then, Moses has the excuse that he does not know the name of the One who sends him to Egypt. God replies that Moses is to say to His people “I AM has sent me to you,” and that His name is YHWH (3:13-15). So after Moses has a name to bring to Pharaoh, his next excuse is that he has no proof to bring to Pharaoh that God means what He says. And naturally, God shows Moses signs (changing his staff to a serpent, turning his hand leprous, promising to turn the Nile to blood) of His sovereign power above all (4:1-9). At this point, Moses is running out of excuses relating to God’s omnipotence, so he then turns to his own inadequacies as a human (here’s where I really start to relate!). Moses tells God that he is not eloquent and is easily tongue tied. God’s response? “Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be your mouth and teach you what you shall speak” (4:11-12). BAM! After that, Moses surely cannot have anything else in his playbook to avoid immediate obedience anymore, right? The only thing Moses has left is complete desperation, saying “Oh, my Lord, please send someone else” (4:13). Now, that shouldn’t sound familiar to any of us, right? We’ve never heard and known God’s call for us and asked Him to change His mind (or worse, that we just know God’s got it all wrong), right? We don’t present excuses to God as to why we don’t obey, do we??? Finally, God does agree to send Aaron with Moses to assist him, and it is only then that Moses finally obeys (4:14-20).

There is nothing immediate about Moses’ obedience. Yes, he does obey God and lead the chosen people out of bondage and fulfill God’s calling. Yes, Moses obeys. But it is not until he has made excuses, expressed fears and doubts, challenged God, and exhausted every other path he could think of. And still, God is faithful. Even when people don’t immediately respond (as the disciples’ example illustrates) to God’s call, but instead hesitate and wrestle with their calling (as Moses did), He is faithful. He will always bring about His perfect plan in His perfect timing, without letting our broken, sinful humanity get in the way.

I know that for me, I so often find myself building up fears and doubts that keep me from immediately responding to God’s call. But that’s not what God wants of me. He wants me to not delay or avoid His plan for me, but rather to immediately obey. It is then that God’s will is accomplished and He can use me, my work, my service, my life for His perfect purposes. And I don’t mean to say that God’s call is always obvious or evident to me in ways that warrant immediate response. Even now, there are many things on my heart that I am praying for wisdom and discernment about. About my future, my summer, my spring, my now, my tomorrow, my relationships, my priorities, my talents, my service - the list goes on. But I do know there are many times that I could obey in a faster manner than I do. And so, I pray for the strength to surrender to immediate obedience.

I am (for the third time now!) reading through John Piper’s book “Don’t Waste Your Life.” I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes from that book concerning the fact that there is an entire broken, sinful world thirsty for the fulfilling, holy living water found in Christ, and it is our calling as Christians to spread the Gospel and the love of God with those who most desperately need it. There is no greater calling than this, and it is my prayer that we may follow the example of the disciples and respond to it with immediate obedience.

"My joy grows with every soul that seeks the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. Remember, you have one life. That’s all. You were made for God. Don’t waste it." - John Piper

Ekklesia

2010-09-10T14:51:00.000-05:00

Recently, I've had some interesting experiences revolving around the state of the church and it's role in today's society. A lot of this stuff is not new, and it's been running through my head for a while, but I feel like I need to share this because it has shown up so much in the last few days.

The very word "church" comes from the Greek word "ekklesia" which means "a called-out assembly." We are called out of our broken, sinful, wicked nature to be followers of Christ, and to become an assembly together in this world of sin and darkness. The church is comprised of those who are called by God to be His own holy people, those who belong to Him and are dedicated to Him, and whom God has set apart for Himself through the saving work of His Son and their faith relationship to Him - “To the church of God that is in Corinth, to those sanctified in Christ Jesus, called to be saints together with all those who in every place call upon the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, both their Lord and ours.” –1 Corinthians 1:2. Right away it is clear God is desiring us, the church, to be different than this sinful world, to choose to follow His will, to listen and respond to His call. As called-out followers of Christ, we are commissioned to first and foremost make disciples - "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." -Matthew 28:19-20. Scripture refers to the church as the body of Christ - "For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body - Jews or Greeks, slaves or free - and all were made to drink of one Spirit." -1 Corinthians 12:12-13. As a part of the larger church, we are all uniquely called to our own roles - "Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. And God has appointed in the church first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, helping, administrating, and various kinds of tongues." -1 Corinthians 12:27-28. While the church is something I am more than familiar with (I grew up in the church, and have never been without it as a part of my life), actually analyzing and trying to grasp the concept of the church as it was intended is so amazing. That God created us to be relational beings, and provided an environment for those who follow Him to have those relationships, to challenge one another to dig deeper into relationship with Him, each with our own place and purpose in the body, all with the calling of sharing His love and making disciples of those who do not yet know His love. Praise God for the church!

Another analogy of the church that is common in Scripture is that of the bride of Christ. Ephesians 5:25-32 describes this relationship being just as a wife submits to her husband and as the husband loves and leads his wife, so the church must submit to Christ as Christ loves and leads His church. But an interesting point I've heard brought up about this analogy is that sadly, wives and husbands are not always faithful to each other. While there is no doubt in Christ's faithfulness to his church, I think there is some truth to the fact that the church is not always faithful to Christ. Let me explain...

Over the weekend, I had the opportunity to attend a service at one of the many "mega churches" located in the greater Chicagoland area. This was my first experience seeing firsthand a church like this in a Sunday morning setting. I have been to mega churches before, but only for Christian concert events, and I remember at those times sitting in a room that felt so much more like a concert hall than a sanctuary, and wondering what worship in a lazy-boy with armrests only missing a cup holder, air conditioning temperature controlled down to the tenth of a degree, and professional grade stage lights must be like. Well, although this particular weekend did feel more like a concert due to the guest worship leader (a 'famous' Christian music artist), I did get to experience a mega church on a Sunday morning. And it was shockingly eye-opening. While there were moments during the worship songs I was able to focus on God and worship Him from my heart, the rest of the morning was spent with my mind otherwise occupied. Now I do understand that mega churches do reach people for Jesus Christ and I believe God is present in their work for expanding His kingdom. They do offer a unique, comfortable environment for seekers who are unfamiliar with the average church experience, or have been damaged by a ‘regular’ church in the past. But there is so much that I saw that morning that disturbed me. The excessiveness of everything I was experiencing unnerved me and caused me to be concerned for what this church was doing. A ‘narthex’ that felt like a mall, complete with coffee shops and bookstores; a ‘sanctuary’ that was arranged like a theatre, with three tiers of plush, cushioned seats and a stage set up that could compete with most professional concert performances; a ‘building’ that cost millions of dollars, with landscaping (including waterfalls inside the building) and parking attendants necessary to guide the traffic jams on the multiple parking lots of the acres-large campus. While I understand that the church is not made up of the building, but rather the people of God (1 Corinthians 1:2), so much of the focus on this morning was not on what it should have been. Advertisements for upcoming fall programs geared toward my age group that made no mention of growing in faith (but rather finding ‘someone to marry’), taking offering with no mention of what the funds would go towards or the fact that they are not our own funds to begin with, and zero time spent in God’s Word beyond a mention in passing by the visiting worship leader (who gave a frustratingly self-centered testimony as the morning’s message, by the way). Because of the guest that this church was hosting that weekend, there was no normal sermon or Scripture reading and this service may have in fact been very different from the normal. But the overall emphasis and overall focus of this church did not seem to be about growing in relationship with God, but rather how we can benefit and gain from what that church had to offer. Classes, groups, childcare, programs centered on ‘how you can connect’ and ‘catalyze spiritual growth’ at this church. I even took the time to research a bit on the internet, and was not surprised that the words ‘I want’ appeared frequently on what the church literally ‘advertised’ itself to be focused on. This church felt so commercial, so inwardly focused, and so far away from being the Gospel-centered place the church should be in this broken world.
It was amazing to me that God gave me this experience on Sunday, and that it was laying so heavily on my heart, and just days later at Chapel at North Park I had the chance to hear Shane Claiborne speak. Shane Claiborne has written many books (Jesus for President, The Irresistible Revolution, and others on my ‘to read’ list), and he is an amazing and inspiring speaker. His background includes experiences from working with Mother Teresa for 10 weeks in India to interning for a year at the very mega church I visited days prior to hearing him at NPU. He spoke on God’s call on our lives (essentially, the calling of the church) and how our lives need to be oriented around the story of God, letting that influence us. One of the most poignant things he said was concerning our possessions. “The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them away; the more we have, the less we are.” As I was sitting there, all I could think about the ‘more’ that I had witnessed just that Sunday, and how that truly gets in the way of fully living in relationship and communion with God. As the body of Christ, when one part suffers, we all suffer - “If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.” –1 Corinthians 12:26. On Sunday, the body of Christ I was experiencing had no hint of suffering – it was very much the opposite.
But as Shane was speaking, he made the point to say how as Christians, we need to be reading the Bible in one hand and the newspaper in the other. We need to keep our eyes open to the suffering and need around us, instead of closing our eyes and living in such comfort. We have no right to keep more than we need when someone else has less. God will provide for our every need – we must turn to Him! The story of God providing manna for His people should remind us of his provision. We must remember to be rooted in God’s love and provision - “Beware lest you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.’ You shall remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth that He may confirm His covenant that He swore to your fathers, as it is this day.” –Deuteronomy 8:17-18. I fear that some mega churches like the one I visited (and honestly, many church communities around the world) are loosing sight of the Gospel. Instead, they are beginning to glorify themselves as they are surrounded by ‘more’ in the forms of the comfort of large buildings and facilities and the easy, familiar anonymity in the church. However, there are those in this world suffering physically, emotionally, and spiritually because they do not yet know God and the blessings of His love. This is not just a problem with mega churches (though that is where it it most noticeable), but rather an issue in the church universal. Church-goers the world round put on masks out of fear of judgment while in turn judging those around them within the church and forgetting about the unsaved masses God calls us to be reaching. To be honest, I know I am guilty of this. Of not orienting my life around the radical story of God, but rather the comfort of the easy, inwardly-focused familiar. Instead, God calls us as His church to trust Him and share His gifts with this world – to be a light shining in the sinful darkness! We are invited to be Jesus’ hands and feet in this world! What if, then, we took seriously the command to ‘love thy neighbor?’ The gifts of God are so good – how can we keep them to ourselves?
God’s ultimate call is for us, the church, ekklesia, to do something with our lives that does not conform to the patterns of this world! It frustrates me when I see the church conforming to the patterns of this world – whether it be in the setting of a mega church or a small, local church body. We should be letting God transform our minds so that ‘our hope lies in nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness!’ As Shane Claiborne said, “We should ask ourselves, ‘How do my gifts intersect with the brokenness of the world?’ For it is then that the kingdom of God happens!”
If you want to hear more about this (which is doubtful considering how horribly long this post became!), check out and download Shane Claiborne’s message podcast from Chapel at this link: NPU-Chapel. There is so much more that he mentioned that was so timely to what God has been teaching me, I pray God speaks to you through all this as well.

Service

2010-08-31T18:19:00.406-05:00

"It is impossible to get exhausted in work for God. We get exhausted because we try to do God's work in our own way."

-Oswald Chambers

So easily, we as humans become exhausted. We grow tired, weary, worn out. Exhaustion comes all the sooner when what we aim to do is for the glory of God. This is when Satan sees his opportunity to corrupt us, give us selfish motivations, and weigh us down so that we become fatigued before God does a great work through us. At camp, exhaustion is guaranteed. When something so powerful as changing lives for Jesus Christ is at stake, Satan is working overtime to exhaust those following God's call. Yet when we truly rely on God and let our work be His, infinite amounts of strength invigorate us, replenish us, and erase all exhaustion. We are no longer doing God's work "in our own way." While there were plenty of times I felt the tug of exhaustion this summer, God kept reminding me to rely on Him. It was His call for me to serve Him and return all glory back to Him. Nowhere could I find any self-centered principle in what my summer was to be about, according to what God placed on my heart.

I felt that this summer, God was calling me to something more than what I had done before. During the interview process, I was given the challenge to "put myself out there" this summer - and I had no idea what that meant! But as the time for me to arrive at camp drew near, I felt God was calling me to something more than what I had done before. I was praying that God would use me not only to minister to the campers and do well the job that I was called to, but to also be a resource for the staff and step up in places that may not have been in my job title. Above all, I was yearning to serve. Soon, I began making lists (planning, of course - what else to be expected from me!) of what I felt God was calling me to do in my service this summer.

One goal was committing to daily prayer. Prayer is so important, and especially in a place like camp where becoming tired and weary is so near at hand, the need to be lifting those around me to the Father was very present. I wanted to make sure I set aside time at the beginning and end of each day in prayer for myself, for the ministry, and for one other person on staff. Looking back I know that this was not an easy challenge, and I confess some of the time spent in prayer was shorter than others, some prayers were said while walking down to breakfast amidst campers because I had overslept my alarm, or even some days when i prayed only once or not at all for this reason or that excuse. But this commitment eventually became something I grew so much in - learning discipline to make sure I had that time with Jesus, really desiring to be praying for the things that God placed on my heart in those moments, and for what those people I was praying for needed at that time.

Another calling (the strongest) placed on my heart was to be an encouragement to those around me - to share the joy of Jesus that I couldn't contain and be a reminder of the positivity found in God's peace. On the wall in the staff lounge at camp is an encouragement board. This is a place to leave and receive notes of encouragement for staffers who you might not get the chance in a day to encourage in-person. Anyone on staff could tell you the power that a simple tangible token of encouragement can have on one's outlook, attitude, or perspective during a day at camp. Knowing firsthand how awesome receiving an encouragement note can be, I wanted to write everyone a personal encouragement note over the summer. This is something I really believe was from God, and I felt it was so important for me to do even before I had arrived this summer. So, of course, I began finding every spare moment I could to write a quick note to someone on staff. I started the summer off well (so I thought) by writing a note every day, then a few notes a week. But soon I lost track of how many I had written, who I had written them to, while also keeping up with writing other notes to whoever really needed them at the time even if I had written them already. It was also getting to the point in the summer that the majority of us were becoming tired, falling into a routine (which is always a prime time for Satan to take hold), or in need of a reminder of God's call. So, at the start of week 6, God gave me an idea. Why not write everyone a personal note of encouragement all at once? That way, the entire staff could feel encouraged, and I would be able to accomplish my goal! In retrospect, I can see how perfectly God orchestrated this plan of mine to come to fruition in His perfect way. I had numerous homesick campers that week, and it was comforting to them for me to sit up awake while they fell asleep. So as I stayed awake (until 1 in the morning most nights), I spent my time writing encouragement notes - time that I would not have normally had after long, every-second-scheduled days spent with campers. Most notes were written between 11 p.m. and 1 a.m., so I cannot confirm that they all made sense, but early on Friday morning, I eagerly rushed off to the staff lounge and covered the (what was a mostly empty for a while at that point in the summer) encouragement board. I remember being fearful that I had forgotten somebody, or that I had written someone twice, or that they were all too short or impersonal (though each was expressly personal in reality), or that I should not have put them all up at once, but rather spread them out over the remainder of the summer. However, I was quickly reassured by many staffers that they were so happy to receive a note (some for the first time all summer!) and that was confirmation for me from God that He had used my work for His glory and purpose yet again. That was one of the biggest - and most obvious - ways I realized something God wanted me to learn. God used my work. I obeyed. I grew. God moved, and I am so humbled to have had my work for Him be used for His purposes and to bring Him glory!

One of the more significant things God taught me this summer was about the way in which I serve. This was not more prevalent than on the very last night that we as a staff spent at CHBC. That night was the banquet celebrating our long-yet-short time at camp, our relationships that had grown out of a "motley crew," and everything else that God accomplished through all of us. Many traditions exist at the annual end-of-summer banquet (giving of awards, singing silly songs, and everything littered with inside jokes), but what had by far the most impact on me was the humbling experience of receiving the Harbor Hasty Bucket. This award is given (by the previous year's winner) to someone on staff who has a passion for what they do and seeks to serve in whatever way they can (or something like that!). I was floored. In that moment, I had absolutely no words. I took the mic and rambled on about how much it meant to me to be a part of something that made a difference for campers like I had the chance to experience as a camper myself - but inside I was completely overwhelmed. I can remember looking out at that crowd of people who I came to know and love and realizing that I had personally encouraged every one of them, prayed for them, hoped to be a blessing to them - and to be recognized in that way was something I never expected or fathomed. At this point in the night, we moved on to other things like staying up all night, crazy adventures in the costume closet, hangout time in the JAC, multiple runs to McDonald's for sweet tea, driving aimlessly around camp in a minivan - but no canoodling or tomfoolery, of course!!!

A few times through the night amidst the laughter and fun, I was congratulated and asked how it felt to be the Hasty Bucket recipient. I couldn't respond more than to blush and shake my head in astonishment. I had not yet taken the time to realize what it really meant. It wasn't after watching one of the most awe-inspiring sunrises from the pier that I had a chance to take a moment to myself. I found a spot on the front lawn right before breakfast, opened my Bible, and suddenly the tears came at full force. Emotions were ranging from sadness at leaving that place and community, joy for the lives that were changed through Jesus Christ, happiness for cherished memories and new experiences. But most of all I was weeping for how present God was with me in that moment. I had not yet had the opportunity to process what God was screaming in my ear since the banquet (and really over most of the summer), and I found myself hearing it loud and clear.

This is when I finally realized what God was saying to me. He revealed to me that when I serve, I do it with absolutely no thought of recognition. Nothing I had ever done at camp that summer (or in other places I served) was ever done with the notion that I would get anything in return. Honestly, I know that God has given me that ability, because it is not easy to work without recognition. As humans, we seek attention, crave acknowledgment. But I never for a second felt that as any motivation for my work this summer - it was all from and for the glory of God that I did everything. I yearn to serve God through serving those around me in any way He allows me without a second thought. So in that moment, for me to be receiving praise and recognition because of service was overpowering. It was difficult for me to realize that the work God allowed me to do was not unnoticed - that He truly was glorified through it all! I am so used to (and comfortable with) serving without recognition, that attention because of that work is foreign, uncomfortable even. God wanted me to know that by "putting myself out there" this summer, He was glorified! It was not because of anything I planned, but because He worked through me and despite me to minister to those around me. Praise God!

Early that final morning at camp when I opened my Bible and began to weep as I processed the power of what God had accomplished through me, I came to this passage. May these words speak to you, be a blessing to you, and an encouragement for you to serve God without exhaustion for the only goal of bringing Him glory!

"As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies - in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ.

To Him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen."

- 1 Peter 4:10-11

God Loves You

2010-08-30T18:00:00.001-05:00

If there is one truth that I desired to instill on the hearts of my campers at Covenant Harbor Bible Camp this summer, it is this:

God loves you,

no matter what,

and He always will!

There are so many things that I have the opportunity to experience at camp - enjoying the beauty of God's creation on the grounds of CHBC, hanging out and building relationships with kids of all ages all the time, having fun singing silly songs and playing crazy big games, forming relationships with fellow staffers, being in a community of believers striving for God's purpose in our work together, being challenged by God and growing in my own relationship with Him. But beyond all those things that I love about camp, by far my favorite is the chance to share God's love - in any way I can to anyone I can. There are so many stories I have from the summer about times when God completely took me over and allowed my work to let someone else be filled with His love. I don't think I could ever go back and recount all those times - there are simply too many of them! However, I know that I need to share one of the highlights of the summer - a highlight that will stay with me for the rest of my life.

I know that as camp counselors, we are not supposed to pick favorites (favorite cabins, favorite campers, favorite anything!), and in reality I couldn't say that this particular week was my favorite or the best week of the summer, but when forced to pick one, by far the highlight of my summer occurred during Week 7 call night. Call night is a special time we set aside during the week's program to present the Gospel and let the campers make the decision to choose Jesus - whether it be for the first time, to re-dedicate their lives to Him, or to challenge them in their current walk with God. It is a more serious night than the rest of the week's programming, and this particular week, the Gospel message was presented with an emphasis on the cross. I could go on about how the message that night impacted me personally. I remember being in tears of sorrow as my heart broke at hearing the crucifixion so eloquently presented, and tears of joy that the truth that "God is saying to you, right now, 'I love you'," was reaching the campers in such a powerful, personal way. I remember looking down my row at my girls and how most of them were in tears, and all seemed to be 'getting it'. I remember looking around at other staffers in the room and seeing them affected by what was being presented that night. God was mightily moving in that moment!

Following the message on call night, we let the campers have five minutes to spread out and spend some time in silent reflection about what they just heard. Then after that time, they have the opportunity to talk with us, their counselors, about making the decision to follow Christ or ask any questions God has pressed upon their hearts. This night of the week is always greatly anticipated by me, particularly because of when I got to experience it as a camper. It was on a call night after seeing the drama presented, hearing the truth that God loved me, and spending some time in reflection, when I made the decision right then and there at CHBC that I wanted to make my faith my own. I was ready to make my identity as a Christian more than going to Sunday School and Worship every Sunday morning with my family and praying before every meal. I went to find my counselor and I remember praying together. I decided to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ - the decision that has literally changed my life in more ways than even I will ever know - on a call night when I was a camper at Covenant Harbor. So, yes, call night is one of my 'favorite' parts of the week. And along with that call night years ago when I made that decision, this call night will forever be remembered.

I will seriously never forget when one of my campers walked up to me after the time of reflection with tears streaming down her face and the biggest smile. She had a story similar to my own - growing up in a Christian home, praying, reading her Bible, going to church and youth group, living her life for Christ, but still hanging on to fears and doubts planted by other voices around her. As I was sitting there, I witnessed the joy of God shining through her with a power and assurance I had never witnessed before! She told me through her tears that she felt like she had found the missing piece of the puzzle, that (after years of growing up as a Christian in the church and youth group) she finally "got it," that she realized she didn't have to fix herself or do anything to deserve God's love - a truth she had never understood until that moment. She said she felt a burden lifted from her shoulders as she listened to the message that God loved her, and that she felt a peace wash over her that brought her to tears of joy - a joy newly discovered and filling her to overflowing. I'll never remember the words I said, but God used me to reassure her that God did love her, that she was valued, that she didn't have to fix her brokenness on her own, and that God's unconditional love for her would never change! I felt so proud of her for being open and willing to let God consume her heart. To lift her burdens. To give her peace and comfort. To erase her fears and doubts. To assure her. To love her, no matter what!

This same conversation happened with most of my girls that night, and following a campfire I had literally the best devo (cabin devotional time) of my counseling career! We talked and listened and cried and laughed for what felt like hours. These girls were broken, but they finally understood that there was someone who could take that burden of brokenness and make them into new creations. These girls felt unloved, but they finally understood there was someone who loved them unconditionally. These girls felt unworthy, but they finally understood there was someone who valued them more than they could ever imagine. These girls were thirsty for scripture, and I remember showing them so many random verses filled with God's promises for them. They all whipped out their notebooks and were furiously writing references, and then they began to find verses themselves and share what they thought God was speaking to them through that passage. I remember sitting there just smiling like a fool as I still wept for joy at how God was so visibly present with those girls that night. There were so many questions they had that were sparked by the message of the cross. Everything from the validity to the Gospel, to the Trinity, to how God speaks to us, to the reassurance of God's unconditional love was brought up. To witness those junior high girls so passionate about God and to be used by God to help them find Him is something I will never forget.

After that night, these girls kept asking questions and challenging themselves to learn as much as they could in the midst of having fun doing all the rest of the camp activities. We spent one cabin group time just reading the stories of Ruth and Esther - stories these girls asked me to read to them. Another devo was spent flipping through the Bible looking for passages to do with certain topics or issues they were struggling with back home with their families, friends, and classmates. On the night that concentrated on being beautiful women of God, they were anxious to trade in their usual make-up filled, boy-obsessed ways to living for God and making His call on their lives the priority above all else. They came away from this week different than when they arrived. They were changed. God had moved.

This is just one story, one way that God worked to share His love with those campers. The summer was filled with stories just like this one. Ask anyone who worked on staff this summer, and they could tell you a story just like my own. God was at work, and I am humbled to have witnessed and participated in it. As this year goes on and I look back on my time at CHBC this summer, I will continue to keep the promise I made to each of my campers on the day I sent them back to their parents, back home, back outside the camp bubble - "I'm praying for you." My prayer is that above all else, these campers remember that one truth:

God loves you,

no matter what,

and He always will!

Something Beautiful

2010-08-28T03:16:00.001-05:00

Hey now, this is my desire

Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want

Something beautiful to touch me,
I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees

I'm waiting for something beautiful

"Something Beautiful" by Needtobreathe might be the song that best describes my summer. I had the privilege of serving God as a camp counselor for the summer at Covenant Harbor Bible Camp in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. I feel so blessed to say that this summer, I was a part of something beautiful.

Having worked at CHBC the previous summer (not to mention volunteering the summer before, and countless experiences as a camper before that), I had mixed feelings about what I thought the summer would be like. I knew and was excited for the people I had grown to love from the '09 staff to be returning with me, albeit not all in the same roles. I was anxious and excited to meet the individuals who God had called to work there for the first time, or whom I had not had the chance to work with yet. I was mentally, physically, and spiritually preparing for another summer of being with campers and all the questions, stresses, and lack of sleep that come with the position of counseling. I was excited to see how, though I was returning to the same position as the previous year, God was going to do new and great things through me and our staff as a whole. So (a few days early to work on maintenance 'cause I just couldn't wait to get to camp!), I arrived back at camp feeling like I was ready for the summer. As accurate as I may have thought that statement was at the time, I now see that I was in no way close to being ready for what God did. At all.

Staff training happened, and it was a blast to get to know everyone and see God begin to mold together the 'motley crew' that we were. Campers soon arrived, and we began to learn the ropes of surviving meals in the lodge as we were trying to get some small amount nourishment ourselves while dueling for tubing signup slots, getting our campers up the hill to primetime and big games on time, and dealing with endless schedule questions, homesick campers, and cabin dynamics as our campers came together to form the groups God desired them to be. Little issues like mealtimes and logistical things were the extent of the problems we were facing, but I remember the fear of Satan getting a foothold in our staff was something that was very present on my heart at that time. I couldn't tell you why or where that fear arose from, but I remember spending many spare moments (as few and far between as they may have been) praying against Satan and his evil schemes. Looking back I can see why this was placed on my heart, because God did some mighty things that would not have been possible if we all did not cling to Him and rely on his strength to get us through. And I know there were countless times when all of us were getting through even just the next activity by His strength alone.

Family camp was soon upon us - a favorite week among the staff for the more relaxed schedule, more frequent opportunities for interaction with each other, and a chance to minister to a new group of patrons at the Harbor. I absolutely loved getting the chance to be with the babies and toddlers group in the mornings (so much fun!) and I was blessed to be paired with the same family I was paired with the previous year. It is truly amazing to see how children grow, mature, and change in just a year's span (what a joy parenting must be - but that is off topic!). I remember it was this week that I really began to see the potential God had for this summer as a whole. I was beginning to let myself discover the position God had for me in this staff.

After a couple summers at camp, I feel that there is a certain 'formula' that must be filled by the staff. Like God knows exactly what spiritual gifts, talents, and abilities must be present in the staff for His will to be done, and that He calls people into exactly the positions they need to be in. I don't think it's as simple as one person is the energy, another the patience, another the wisdom, but yet that when everyone comes together, all the gifts that need to be there are present in exactly the way and manner God willed them to be. And not even that the same people would fill the same role on staff if they were returning, but that God would use the gifts He has given them to combine with the rest to end up with that perfect 'camp formula.' I don't know that I can look back and put a title on the role God had me fill this summer, but it was about halfway through that I began to see where I was fitting in. I was having so much fun with my campers and answering their questions - that challenged my faith and kept me on my toes, let me tell you! Nothing drives one to prayer like knowing that soon fifth graders will be asking what the Trinity is or how we know that scripture is truly from God or that God really cares and can hear us when we call His name! I really felt that God was beginning to reveal to me other ways I could serve Him beyond pouring myself into campers. Some of the goals I had at the beginning of the summer were coming together, and I loved how God was showing up in big ways for the campers as well as the staff.

I'll go into more detail what I felt called to at a later time (this post is already much more that I planned - no surprise there!). But coming away from the summer, it truly was something beautiful. God took each and every one of us already beautiful people and placed a desire on all of our hearts. I know that without that desire to really do His work and be all about Him this summer, all that we did would have been in vain. But it wasn't! God moved! Jesus was exalted! The Spirit was present! There is much more to share from this summer, which I will get around to sharing eventually, but I am just blessed to say that I was witness to, present for, participated in, and served God for a summer that was truly something beautiful.

Week 7 from Covenant Harbor on Vimeo.
You can hear the whole song by Needtobreathe in the player at the bottom of the page, or hear the whole song with lyrics here: Something Beautiful.

Yearning

2010-08-26T14:37:00.001-05:00

As I am in a new city, a new school, meeting new people, and experiencing new things, I cannot help but reflect on my college experience so far. In many ways, it was an extension of my time in high school. I was still living at home, going to the same church, keeping the same routine, serving in the same places.

I feel that while I have been content and joyful in my service, I am yearning for more. I look back and see the many ways I have been involved in service: Covenant Harbor, Awana, mission trips to Mexico, various church boards, Sunday school substituting, and many other random things. I have been pouring myself into my home church and finding ways to serve that are familiar, comfortable, easy. I am pleased and proud of the service God allowed me to do. But even through this, something was missing.

Though I was giving what I thought was much to God, I was not open to receiving all that I should have. I poured out to others from what was mostly my own well, and allowed God to fill me back up with the regular Sunday sermon or worship session. But that filling would only fill me enough to pour back to others, and I was left with a passive engagement with my Father. I found myself going to class and work (where I would shy away instead of being bold in my faith), serving in what ways I could, but in reality becoming a zombie in a routine of stagnant life. Yet through it all, I was content. I felt no remorse or longing for anything different - I found comfort in the comfortable, familiarity in the familiar. I was letting myself stop at the shallow surface of a once-a-week in-depth sermon that would just fill me spiritually for my week, occasional quiet time with God when I felt like it, scarcely dusting off my Bible, and a lukewarm prayer life. I was busy, but on the inside I knew that was a lie. Hours doing more homework than truly necessary, on the computer, or in front of the TV were how I filled my time instead of putting myself out there to meet new people, make new friends, or spend time with God, which is what I really should have been doing.

And yet, I was (and in some ways still am) content to put up those barriers and bury myself in the simple, easy, familiar things. As I sit here, I say I am seeking to be who God wants me to be, but I am truly desiring that - to surrender myself, completely lose control, and embrace wholeheartedly who God wants me to be? Honestly, I am fearful, doubtful that the person God made me to be is not who I think I can be. Can I really do all that? Me? Maybe I know (or at least am starting to see) His plans for me and who He is making me to be, but I am stalling and making excuses because I am not decisive, because I fear judgment, because I doubt myself, because I fear responsibility, because I doubt the many things people say that they see in me. These were all the things that were going through my head over the past two years, and I was content to let them be unanswered questions. I didn't feel the need to seek their answers, yet they were ever-present.

Looking ahead, I realize that I cannot let myself be content, familiar, comfortable any longer. My prayer is that I continue to work on my fears and doubts. God has been teaching me a lot over the past few months, and I am excited for the challenges I see in my horizon! I know it will not be easy, but I am now willing to let things be difficult. Let that which was once stagnant become refreshing. Work to make the uncomfortable now comfortable. Familiarize myself with the unfamiliar. And through it all, yearn after God - for it is only through Him that I have my breath, my very life!

Purpose

2010-08-24T23:48:00.001-05:00

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." - Proverbs 19:21

I am a planner. I like to know what I am doing, where I am doing it, and when it will be done. The result is that I somehow end up with three planners for this semester. I plan for the known, I plan for the unknown, and I plan for plans B-Z if plan A doesn't go according to plan. So, of course, making a plan for what I hope this blog to be is only natural, right?

As much as I would like to sit here and describe what I plan for this blog to be, I know the truth is that I honestly don't know what I am doing here! I 'plan' to use this space to share what God is doing in my life with those who are willing to hear it. I'll explain at another time all that I have learned from God in the past few months, but I do know that I want those (and future) explanations shared. There is so much that God has taught me about myself, about Himself, and about those around me that are screaming to be told. I'm not going to claim that they will all be interesting, or even that all that I put in this space is going to follow a certain formula or method. I am just trusting that all that I might have planned would be taken away and that God's purpose be all that remains.

More than ever before, I am finding myself desiring after Christ. My heart is yearning after him in such mighty ways and while I know it has always been there, I feel such a passion for serving God that cannot be contained. It pains me to think that I have wasted any second not wholeheartedly striving after God. No more. I have committed myself to Him, and I am so excited to live out that commitment in any way possible! I desire to serve, to pray, to praise, to care, to encourage, to behave, to suffer, to love, to wait, to grow, to listen, to speak, to seek, to endure, to follow, and to yearn for God with all that I am!

My only prayer is that those who hear may be blessed and that God would be glorified.

I am excited for what is to come, and thankful that there are people who care enough to read what I write. So, welcome!