A Zestful Quest

Turmoil and Dust

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 13:45:07 +0100

I'm back but I'm not quite here yet... I'm in hiding mode since everything is still total chaos and I'm trying to dig through too many emails and contact close ones. In the meantime I deal with bureaucracy and I try to avoid contacting clients; just postponing for a few more days so I can start designing again next week.

Bruised my left middle finger bumping into a cupboard three times in a row yesterday while carrying heavy boxes... *yes yes... I know what you're about to say* so typing is literally a bit of a pain... which is a good excuse *hehe* To Wen: thanks so much for your wonderful surprise gift it was a sunny moment during cloudy days... You're a gem!

I was invited by a reader of my blog to submit some of my artwork to have it printed on laptop sleeves for an online shop in Malaysia. I'm flattered but I won't be able to design something soon, perhaps later though... I'll keep the option open because I can't commit to anything at the moment there's too much to sort first.

I've written some posts while being offline, had to deal with the moments and with lots of emotional stuff, hence my absence: I'm not quite in writing mood just yet. There's some turmoil going on that needs to be dealt with. So I'm waiting for the dust to settle *whenever that will be* and enjoy the beautiful weather in the meantime...

Hope you too!

Postbank

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 12:33:48 +0100

This is written during a brief hiatus from blogging, when I had no internet connection for three weeks
I have been with the 'Postbank' for years; I opened my first '~~bank account~~' when I was eight years old. Back in those days the interest rates were high compared to what they are now and it literally paid off having money in the bank. I believe it was 12.something perhaps even higher but it's a vague memory because it hasn't been that high ever since. It's almost no point having money in the bank and I mentioned before it's probably even better to keep it in a sock under the mattress.

Like almost everything in life my banking experience has been subject to change ever since my good old Postbank merged with ING... I wish it never had. I was always extremely pleased with the customer service of the Postbank because they were accurate and never failing and I'm now seriously thinking about changing banks since ING gave me nothing but problems so far. They've sent off important information to London while I've notified them about an address change weeks ago.

The guy on the phone was slow... and I mean s-l-o-w... and I could tell he was dragging his heels because the customer service line is 0.10 cent per minute. It pisses me off, the info I asked for could've been given in a few seconds not minutes. He kept repeating himself and wasn't to the point and when I mentioned the wrong kind of credit card he kept going on about it while I already corrected myself. It's sad that a bank totally changes its policy because it has merged a few months ago.

It's even worse when I'm trying to find out where mistakes are made and that some spotty 18 year old thinks I'm too stupid to realise what's going on when he's dragging his heels. He probably will be fired when he can't reach his target and keep the customer on the phone for at least five minutes. I said thanks and good day and hung up without waiting for his response. Rude? No... it works both ways and it's my money after all *wink* I just want my good old 'Postbank' back... *sniff*

Shifting Moods

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 12:03:23 +0100

This is written during a brief hiatus from blogging, when I had no internet connection for three weeks
My moods are shifting hourly today, I'm okay most of the time but perhaps that's because I have almost no privacy and can't really deal with the roller coaster of emotions I'm currently going through. When I'm on my own I feel so uprooted, sad and confused, wishing I don't have to live out of boxes feeling like I'm constantly on the move.

The slow bureaucracy system is not helping much either, it takes two weeks to send my info from one city to another. I wonder if they walk the 40 km distance to get it there... After the two weeks wait I'll have to apply for a 'DigiD number' online which was introduced when I left so I never applied for it at the time since I didn't expect to ever use it.

It takes another week to get the 'DigiD number' and then I can finally register with all other organisations to get the ball rolling. I've received a letter yesterday that I'm supposed to have internet connection again next Tuesday which is pretty quick. Let's hope I'll receive the modem on time so I can start installing and testing the LAN/WAN.

Once the connection is up and running the madness will start again, I have clients waiting for me to contact them. It's okay, I can't sit around and 'do nothing', I need to be busy to stay sane but on the other hand I really wish to be by myself for a while. Perhaps I'll stay 'invisible', I need some time for me coz I don't really feel like talking to anyone.

Run Forest... Run!

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 12:31:15 +0100

This is written during a brief hiatus from blogging, when I had no internet connection for three weeks
I'm sore because I've overdone things as usual. I've been in stealth mode for such a long time, way too long for my liking. I used to be active but ever since I moved to London I terribly missed cycling and I could never find someone who was interested in running. I've tried a few times on my own at 6 in the morning just before people would go out to walk their dogs but it just wasn't the same, it wasn't a Vondelpark, it wasn't safe, it was London...

But I'm back on track and I ran last Sunday along the canal for an hour and half. It's so amazingly green out here and quiet and safe and strangers walking their dogs say hello to you when they pass you by while you stretch or sit on a bench to rest. And while I was running I knew I would push my limits because I so missed it. All I wanted was to go faster but I need to get my fitness back first and take things slow for a while.

Of course I wanted to run yesterday as well but I thought it would be best to give my legs a rest. They feel extremely heavy like lead and even cycling took a bit of an effort but just the fact that I can do this again is worth the muscle ache. Yesterday the weather was a bit dreary compared to all of last week so it was okay to take a break but today the sun is out again and I'm ready to get out there and get my muscles all sore *kidding*.

I can also finally use this really cool gadget again which was a gift from my ex-colleagues from the Rietveld academy when I left the country.

Jekyll and Hyde

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 12:10:12 +0100

This is written during a brief hiatus from blogging, when I had no internet connection for three weeks
Nothing is ever good enough for you
No matter how hard one tries there will be complaints
Like you're Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Sparse moments you're considerate and sweet
More often you're cold and extremely negative
About anything and anyone

I wonder how you became so utterly bitter
That you can't even find humour in my jokes
That everything I say in a light way
Is taken as heavy as possible
Even my kind words are seen as criticism
And your answers are hurtful attacks

You say I'm welcome but in the same sentence
You criticise my friends and life, my existence
I try to keep track of the times
you said something nice about anything or anyone
But I can still count them on one hand
Negativism and relentlessness are your middle name

You're a human being with flaws
I've tried to accept you the way you are
Because I've known for years things won't change
But where the child has hope, the adult has given up
Three years at a distance did make a difference
I'm left with compassion and a vast set of boundaries

Dr. Jekyll has a friendly soft personality but
unfortunately Mr. Hyde mastered his own skills...