Aarkeybabble ☼

Does this count as "genderplay" ?

2013-05-24T14:17:00.000-04:00

Golf Mistress - sometimes benevolent

2013-05-21T10:57:00.000-04:00

I had to take a second to talk about one of my most favorite Mistresses, the Goddess of Golf.

I wish I got to spend more time with her, but when I do, I always enjoy it. There's something very medatitive about golf for me. Even if the Golf Goddess is cruel, and I struggle - (and shoot in the 90s), which happens about half the time. On 5/10, the Goddess blessed me with my best round ever. I shot an 82, and actually I blew it on the 18th. I was a perfect par on the back 9, one bogey, one birdie... if I got a par on the 18th, I'd have shot a 79. Since I've never broken 80 (83 was my best before that round's 82) and as I had never shot par for 9 holes, I was nervous. I swung easy at my tee shot, too easy... right into the drink.

I actually didn't putt well on the front 9 either. Missed 4 or 5 putts just rolling them past the left edge of the hole. Its a new putter, I got it a few months ago and I'm still adjusting to it I guess. Either way, it was just such a blessing to go out and have a great round like that. I really needed it that day too. Badly.
And the benevolent Goddess of Golf delivered. :)

Buster Brown

2013-05-17T08:42:00.000-04:00

As a kid, I remember my mother taking me to the Buster Brown shoe store. I never knew that Buster Brown had been a turn of the 20th century comic series. And evidently, Buster was a mischievous little fellow, who's very proper and tightly laced mother and maid had to discipline with paddle and cane pretty regularly. Hrmmmm.

Thanks to the Long Island Staylace Assoc for educating me :)

More on prostate milking

2013-05-16T07:54:00.001-04:00

I forgot to include these two links in the entry a couple days ago. They're from two Female Dom oriented blogs which are no longer updated. I'm not sure if they're more fantasy than reality, but I thought they were worth passing along at least.

Mistress Nahemah’s Journal: Male milking is often considered one of the most powerful means to conditioning submission in a man. Here is part of an article by Mistress Nahemah describing an approach to milking a submissive male: Weekly Milking Ritual

Tease, Denial and CBT: "A few examples of the many ways in which Mistress milks me": Monthly Milkings

Simulated Childbirth for Men

2013-05-15T22:50:00.002-04:00

Chastity with urethral inserts

2013-05-14T09:59:00.001-04:00

I am seeing more and more of these out there lately. A friend who works at a local Fetish store that they simply can not keep them in stock as they "fly off the shelves."

But I have yet to hear from anyone who I know well in the chastity/kink communities who uses one long term about how it works for them. I have also heard some stories that scare me, and now that there are so many knock offs made in China, I can't fathom buying a cheap one. I know that Steelworx makes them, and I've seen a video of the installation. Oooof! Sure doesn't look like something for beginners!

As someone who's never had anything in my urethra, I'm particularly wary about it... but I can't deny that I'm curious. It seems that people like them for a few primary reasons. First, some like it because of the added security, since it makes pull out impossible. Some like the fact that the curve of the the insert makes any type of erection that much more impossible, so the denial is even greater. And some clearly find excitement in the discomfort of it. Though painful chastity is not new to the chastity world, not by a long shot. Lastly, some like the fact that it allows for a much more minimalist cage design, which makes cleaning, and I suspect teasing, easier.

So, anyone out there using one for long term wear? I'd like to hear from you.

Prostate milkings are not orgasms

2013-05-07T17:28:00.002-04:00

Ok, it seems that this is one of those endless terms in the kinky world that people just can't seem to get straight. Prostate Milking. It is something I've talked about a fair bit here in the past (read more,) and I've even talked about the confusion of terms before. Heck, actually I've talked about it on this blog for 5 years now.
Time and time again on FetLife, I see people posting about prostate orgasms and calling them milkings. Hey, there's nothing wrong with a prostate orgasm. If you can have one, well then, lucky you!

But its not the same at all. A prostate orgasm is when a man gets excited enough that he has a full orgasm just from prostate stimulation. A prostate milking is done with fingers or toys to gently massage a man's prostate (and often his perineum too) in order to push ejaculate out of his prostate. It is something that is sometimes common in chastity communities. And the result is quite different than kind of hands free, thrusting hard-on that is a prostate orgasm.

The sensation of prostate milking is actually not like an orgasm at all. Milking feels quite like urinating when you really have to go, though even more sensitive. There is a sense of physical relief from it, and it helps a lot with the ache of "blue balls" - although, at least on an emotional level, I can actually feel hornier than before.

I have never tried to have a regular orgasm after a milking. Some men say its not possible after being fully milked. But as my milkings were done as a part of chastity play and I was left locked during and after, I can't speak to the inability to orgasm after. I do know that I feel physically drained in a similar way to post orgasm, though a bit greater than what an orgasm does for me, at least usually ;)

I have only had success on my knees, though I know of others who say they've been able to do it on their side, and well... I guess going by this picture, you can try it on your back if you want to too ;)

If you decide to try prostate milking, be patient with the process. Most men take quite a while to relax enough. Though some have good results quite easily from the start, it took me many attempts, and usually more than a week of denial before I had any success. Going to a toy slightly larger and longer than the aneros helped me a lot. And having a more patient Domme helped a lot too. Take time to warm up a bit with a toy in there to just relax things, and if you are at all worried about mess, enemas can be helpful as well. As can another experienced set of hands, assuming you're all comfortable with that ;)

And for those who want more information about milking, here's a post from Fet with a good step by step on how to prostate milk. Edited for brevity and grammar ;)

Lots of lube and relax. When first learning to milk, I stopped trying to play with my cock. This will give you focus on what is where in there. The Key is going slow and pressing upwards. The prostate (aka. P spot) is not just going to jump up and milk. It's like your penis, it needs to be stimulated lightly till aroused. When you feel the spot that causes you to squirm, or feel like you have to Pee, that's it. Slowly work fingers or toy around this area. You can feel with a little practice when your P-Spot gets "hard" . At this point this is the starting point of the prostate milking. Keep in mind two things: 1) lots of lube in your ass (I use Astroglide), and 2) go SLOW! Waking the prostate up is just like making a woman's clitoris hard. If you just start rubbing it hard, it gets pissed off!

Once you are in and to the point of you found the small area that creates that / the pressure feeling. Lightly, VERY lightly press on it, than slide or toy over and pass it. Than back to slight pressure. Slide your toy back to the point were it's just inside your ass, and point upwards towards your belly, and slide it back in till you feel the pressure spot. Work that whole area with complete disregard to your penis. Keep your eyes closed and run that toy all over that pressure spot. By now your P spot will be fully awake and ready for some heavier pressure on it. The Pressure spot I refer to is your Prostate gland, when you are on it, it will create the feeling of pressure inside you. Some times it feels like you have to pee.

It's not every time you can get a really good flow. You need to be well hydrated and really relaxed. After a good 30 or 45 minutes of milking slowly it's time to cum. Slowly work your toy over your P-spot back and forth. Also from time to time, gently massage along your perineum, pushing from your anus towards your penis. Try to relax into the sensations and let it all happen.

If all went well, you can easily clean it up what comes out. FWIW, I love glass toys. Several good reasons. Glass can be cleaned in a minute or two and will never discolor like other dildos. When warmed, it will be a fantastic feeling all by itself. I always soak my glass or metal toys in hot water for 5 min. Prior to inserting it and lube ~in it up, touch it to your genitals quickly to check temp. You don't want to burn the inside of your ass.

OT: Yoga Breakdancing

2013-05-03T09:18:00.001-04:00

This has nothing to do with kink, but it sure is amazing body control.

A real actual blog update coming later today, I've been instructed to make one ;)

The power of perception

2013-04-23T09:03:00.003-04:00

A powerful 3 minute video about how people (women in this case) perceive themselves - http://realbeautysketches.dove.us/

And for a giggle... checkout the parody Male version.

Daily Distraction - #60 A Fetish Goddess

2013-04-18T08:37:00.003-04:00

Heading off for an extended weekend, but wanted to give you all a little something fun before I left. I forget where I found this lovely picture, but there sure is a whole lot to like about it. :)

Phantogram - "When I'm Small"

2013-04-15T13:11:00.000-04:00

Phantogram - "When I'm Small"

Love this song and love the singer, Sarah Barthel's fashion style. Hell, her whole style is just hot. Normally I am not a fan of wedges, but her look, the lyrics... especially the last line, it gets to me.

And she does have that Page Boy hair cut that just screams Domme in my mind, well... it works. What's more, now that I think about it, she reminds me a bit of Miss Betty Velvet, a Domme at Pavlovia too :)

Daily Distraction - #59

2013-04-11T14:14:00.002-04:00

Just a little distraction - because its nice from time to time

I don't know who the Domme is, I don't think I've seen her before - but she's a looker, so I think I would have remembered seeing her. I like to think that she's in the lifestyle, just private... and she dresses up and does this kind of thing all the time.

Then again, maybe that's just my chastity belt talking ;)

Bugs Bunny - what a perv!

2013-04-08T14:49:00.001-04:00

I have been thinking back over my formative years more of late. Remembering certain events and interactions that shaped how my sexuality developed.

Recently I saw a picture of Bugs Bunny in drag, and was reminded of what a kinky little bugger he was. Not just cross dressing, but also dressing Elmer in drag too.

Obviously, a few folks noticed and were inspired by Bugs, and here are a few fun fan drawings I found searching around the web.

Not that Bugs is unique in inspiring people to re-evaluate their view of cartoon characters. The powerpuff girls, super heroes and even the Ladies of the Flintstones canget a rise out of some folks ;)

No Safe Words

2013-04-05T10:05:00.002-04:00

I just wanted to give you all a heads up. Two friends of mine, Mistress Troy Orleans and a friend are teamed up to play Scrabble for a good cause and all the money you raise directly supports the free programs offered to New York City public school students by 826NYC.

The tourney is tomorrow 4/6, and their team is "No Safe Words" - you'll have to scroll down a bit on the page to find them.

You can also make a donation (you can buy cheat words) - For example, for $50 they can play a Foreign word. For $75, they can play a Proper Noun. And for $500 they can make up any word they please!

Visit Mistress Troy Orleans' blog entry about it for more info. :)

Here are some words I've been saving up, maybe they can help ;)
impudent - PRONUNCIATION: (IM-pyuh-duhnt)
MEANING: adjective: Marked by offensive boldness.

cantankerous - PRONUNCIATION: (kan-TANG-kuhr-uhs)
MEANING: adjective: Difficult to deal with: ill-tempered, quarrelsome.

implacable - PRONUNCIATION: (im-PLAK-uh-buhl, -PLAY-kuh-)
MEANING: adjective: Impossible to pacify or appease.

uxorious - PRONUNCIATION: (uk-SOHR-ee-uhs)
MEANING: adjective: Excessively devoted or submissive toward one's wife.

malapert PRONUNCIATION: (MAL-uh-puhrt)
MEANING: adjective: Boldly disrespectful.

98% Attention Whoring

2013-03-31T08:31:00.003-04:00

I had a fun time last week at a Fetish Foto party here in South Florida. Metalbound was nice enough to host the group, and QuietMaster was nice enough to take shots of me as a kinky yogi.

I am deeply grateful for what yoga has done for me though, both for my spirit and my health. I've gone to about a dozen different yoga studios in the 6.5 months that I have done the practice, and its fascinating how each studio varies in its approach and energy. Some are far more spiritual, some far more about the physical. I find that I like a good balance of the two. I would love to claim sharing these pics is all about sharing my love for yoga, but I have to admit this is mostly just shameless attention whoring.

Still, at 98%... I'm not as bad as this guy.

OT: Beautiful Music

2013-03-31T00:44:00.001-04:00

Want another? http://youtu.be/XiDinYQV1UY

American Mary - Movie

2013-03-22T11:26:00.003-04:00

Oh, this looks dark and twisted and just right.

Limited release in the US on 5/31. For more info: Rotten Tomatoes, IMDB & Wiki links. Thanks for the heads up from Quietboy at allstardoms.net

Evolve... and Break the Cycle

2013-03-19T18:41:00.002-04:00

Things in our society are changing and more and more. Those preconceived notions are being disproven. Our societal rules are changing, we are evolving. Traditional gender roles are disappearing. Our society is moving forward. Its not always easy, and there are growing pains... but I choose to be optimistic about the evolution of human culture. Yes, choose to be - for me, being positive is definitely decision.

But that does not mean that this evolution is going to be easy. Every year I find that I meet more and more men who are open and learning to explore their feelings. I meet more and more men who insecure about their appearance, more and more to the extreme of "body dysmorphia." Something that is almost always is viewed as applying only to women, but I think we all do it sometimes.

Yes, on average men definitely objectify women more, sometimes women even use that to their advantage, even if they don't realize it. I know that I have objectified women. Once I realized it, I worked to stop it, but to a degree I'm sure I still, and perhaps always will. Women do too. We cut people into parts and evaluate them. Some more than others. He's a cutie, she's a 7... got an 8 face, but a 6 body. He's got a great career - but a jerk. She's a crazy cat lady... etc, etc.

We focus on the things that stand out, but we forget the whole, the soul, the spirit. Marketing tells us who we should want, and who we should want to be. It presents us these images of people who are rare in the world, then all made up and airbrushed and photo-shopped , and inflated, and if we can't step outside and see it, we want that which is both inhuman and extreme. At its worst, we try to turn people into parts for use, instead of seeking the whole.

So many women talk about wanting a nice man, yet struggle to find it. Somehow they find these "all men are pigs" out to exploit you kinds of guys - perhaps its what they're putting out there, that gets that back? Maybe in their heart they want the "excitement of a bad boy." I know many women who judge men by the size of their wallet, their car, or even their cock... and yet, I know many of these women who take offense at being viewed as a sex object themselves. They don't see the hypocrisy of objectifying men as parts as well. So many who talk about equality, but don't move to pickup the tab for dinner. And this isn't about any one thing, and its definitely not just about women. But as a man, I only can speak from my own voice. Yes, I do believe that by and large our society still pressures women far more than men. Yes, I think there are some terrible and sad double standards. And yes, it is astounding to me at some of unfathomable horrors that happen in the world. But things are changing - just look at the way that TV commercials are almost always reverse sexist these days. Marketing portrays, the father or man, as the incompetent and bumbling fool... and its been that way for a while now. So, I'll speak my voice and point out what I see, feel and hear - that's all any of us can do. Don't get me wrong, I consider myself a feminist, and believe strongly that we should all have equal rights, and I think that's something that's coming to our society more and more.

Just like I've heard that looks really don't matter to women. But in my experience, that is simply untrue, definitely far more than it is implied. Perhaps not as much as it does for men, on average, men are much more "visually" oriented than women. But I promise you, my experience says that looks matter to women. They matter a lot. On average, the width of a man's waist line might not matter as much as the width of his wallet, but it definitely does matter. Its definitely not about money alone.

This isn't all about physical attractiveness either. But they are finding is based more on looking healthy more than anything else. And that goes for men too. Being healthy is important. It talks about how we value ourselves. And if you're an adult, and you don't exercise it says something about how you view yourself. Its a habit, and a good one. But I know its also one that can slip by the way side. I know that I too have personally struggled with it.

Physical attraction such an easy and concrete example of this great cycle, and I find it the best way to relate my own experiences about it. Recently I was asked by someone, what my "typical" weight is. And unlike most adults, I don't really have one. In 1994 as a 25 year old, I weighed about what I do now, 155. But its been an up and down road to get back to there. And I've been through it twice now. The first time was from 1994-99. I gained about 4-5 lbs a year, up to around 180. No one ever described me as "fat" but I was warned by a few people that because of my weight, I was "losing my looks." My first wife was one of those always skinny and beautiful women who's weight was almost constant. She fluctuated between 112 and 118, no matter what she ate, or if she exercised. When I quit smoking in 2000, and gained a good bit more weight and fast. By the time we divorced in 2002, I had become a chubby hubby at 220. And yes, I was fat. And yes, some people said it. Gone were the intrigued glances from women as I went about my life. The simple and playful validation that comes with being attractive to the opposite sex. I still had plenty of women as friends, of that there was no doubt - I have a good heart, and good people see that. But the sex appeal was gone.

Over the next year, I lost about 55 lbs. With each month, I would catch more glances. I would got more flirtatious responses to just normal conversation. I got flat out "offers" - some blunt, some subtle... I got validation for my attractiveness. And if I were more shallow, I think I would have found it to be not just validation, but also valuation. Fortunately for me, I'm not quite that shallow. Oh, sure, I'm a bit shallow. And I do like my ego, and my hair, stroked from time to time. I like to feel attractive. But my life journey has taught me many things, and I know that my self esteem is not based on how I think others esteem me. Rather, its based on how I esteem myself - that is why it is called "self" esteem after all.

And I wish more people understood that about their self esteem. I'm not unique in understanding it that way, though I do think wish more people understood it in our society. I do think we're growing and evolving. And I think self-awareness and self-acceptance are the keys to that freedom. Admit to yourself that you are strong and beautiful. Love yourself enough to value your time, your spirit, your sexuality, your life... you. And yet also know that you are imperfect. There is room to grow, there always will be.

And with that kind of understanding, hopefully we can find the room for forgiveness. Forgiveness of ourselves for our shortcomings, but also forgiveness of others. And move past the past - who we were as a society, who we were as people. Move past this fear that we can't be loved until we become perfect. Because we will never be perfect. Unless we understand that we are already perfect. Human, and perfectly flawed, perfectly beautiful.

Question society's rules. Question YOUR rules. Be a beautiful you. See the beauty in others. Its there, I promise you. But its up to you to become open enough to see it.

Lastly, I hope those of us who choose to evolve can forgive those who don't. Some might have very real issues, some might just be too fearful to let go of their old beliefs. In the end, it does not matter if they are actually unwilling, or unable - because if they're unwilling, it is because they are just unable to be willing.

/babblemodeoff /rantmodeoff

Tune for today's reading:

Mainstream : Versace 2013/14

2013-03-14T12:13:00.003-04:00

Looks like Versace's Fall/Winter 2013/14 collection has a lot of fetish looks to it, chains, straps, spiked necklaces, and plenty of PVC. The Red Leather pants and jacket at the 6:45 starts off a few outfits in a row that look like they are straight out of a fetish party!

On the backburner

2013-03-13T10:18:00.000-04:00

As I suspect some of you have noticed, updates to the blog are a bit more on the back burner. After my HD failure, I've been busy with work and life and taking the time to write in depth blog entries is just something I really haven't been up for. Life is good, and I'm learning and exploring new things - which I'm both grateful and excited about.

So in depth entries will probably be fewer, but I haven't disappeared and don't plan on it - but I just don't know how much time I'll have to dedicate to the blog in the near future. Either way, it isn't going away.

Because fortunately, there are still fun things to pass along, like this rare find... a picture of a woman smoking a Sherman Fantasia 164.

I was discussing these extremely long cigarettes just recently. Sherman, who also still makes the 100mm style of "fantasia" colored cigarettes (with satin tip) stopped making their 164mm cigarettes around 15 years ago. They were so extremely long that I can't imagine anyone smoking them regularly, but they made quite a statement I'm sure. I recall that when the discontinuation was announced, the smoking fetish newsgroups of the day were full of disappointed fetishists. And a few who immediately ordered all that they could.

I suspect as more and more of the mainstream brands of cigarettes started introducing 120s, like Virginia Slims, Eve & More their bigger budget ad campaigns had cut too deeply into the 164 market. Even some of the lesser known brands too like Capri, Max & Misty did it too. Even if the ads weren't really accurate ;)

Personally, I think that styles like Virgina Slims 120s are dramatic enough to draw attention to a woman who wants to get it by being a seductive smoker. So can 100s for that matter. But that's just my thing. I guess the 1980s marketing campaign left its mark on my impressionable teenage mind about what a woman should smoke. Now don't get me wrong, while I prefer seeing a woman smoking an all white cigarette, and particularly a all white 100, even short cork filters can be sexy. As long as the woman knows how to smoke, even better if she does it with a confident style.

However it does seem to be much more uncommon these days, then when I was growing up, for a young woman to be smoking brands like Virginia Slims, and especially something as long as 120s. Although as shown in these photos of Disney actress Nicole Anderson, there are some women who still like the impression that smoking a 120 makes.

In general, I just like the whole "dance" of smoking. There's just something sexy about it. Though I have to admit... there is a cut off point for me.

Yeah, I know what Freud said... but I just don't agree. If it were all an oral thing, wouldn't there be a lollipop fetish? Then again, maybe there is ;)

DD #58 - Geeky & Yummy

2013-03-07T07:18:00.001-05:00

Its been quite a while since I posted about the Star Trek corsets that showed up online. But now that Star Trek got rebooted (and very well IMO) - it seems there's more and more Star Trek sexiness showing up.

And I wanted to pass it along - for the enjoyment of my fellow geeks, and my fellow fetishists. Enjoy!

I must admit, I wish the last costume were more blue and less aqua, but that's only because I'm a purist ;)

DD #57 - Shannen Doherty

2013-03-05T12:52:00.002-05:00

Thanks to the excited comment by "Anon" on my February 27th entry photo, I decided to dig up a few other shots of Shannen Doherty looking all Dommy. I believe that these pictures are from a photo shoot for the German edition of Playboy in 1994, though I don't think any actually appeared inside the magazine. Ms. Doherty, sure had a great bitchy look. Too bad there weren't any other smoking shots, but hey, I'm just being greedy now ;)

Self-Lacing in a Corset

2013-03-01T09:26:00.002-05:00

I remember years ago how many people said it was impossible to lace yourself in a corset. Its not. Its quite easy, though it can take a bit more time to do than when you have someone else tugging you in. With YouTube and so many personal video cameras now, more and more people are showing how its done. If you are into real tight-lacing or waist training, it is something that usually requires anchoring to a door knob or some other object.

But as this detailed video by Wild Hunt Corsetry shows, it is easy to get into a corset by yourself, even if it doesn't have an open front busk on it. I know I posted a similar video a couple year ago, but I figured I'd share this new one - plus the corset, the setting and the model are all quite lovely. So now that the weather is nice and cool out, even if you're alone - there's no excuse ;)

New HD installed!

2013-02-27T19:26:00.002-05:00

And I was able to save most everything after the crash too. Now... to reinstall EVERYTHING, and get back to "the normal" life :)

Hard Drive Failure

2013-02-26T07:20:00.000-05:00

Nothing quite like real life to put a crimp on the fun, but after a busy weekend I came home to find that my primary HD on my computer took a crash.

Slave to the hard drive... meh! I just hope I can get the data off and get back to work (and fun too.)