Abbie in Wonderland

A Survivorâ€™s Guide to Writing

2015-04-09T12:45:00.001-04:00

Thinking of how I might incorporate what I know, who I am, with what I do...

But it will require focus...

A Survivorâ€™s Guide to Writing

No mystery that "dancing" & "rain" are mentioned

2015-03-29T09:37:00.001-04:00

I've struggled for many years with MI, and only recently have I come to a conclusion as to the solution.
Yes, dancing and rain, along with walking, soft breezes, wildlife, rivers and oceans are all a part of my release from this prison. God knows, and I trust that things are even now working together for my good...
What's your remedy for longterm melancholy?

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/03/29/dancing-in-the-rain-learning-how-to-live-with-treatment-resistant-depression-chronic-pain/

And...some more training...

2015-03-25T15:12:00.001-04:00

Last week I went to training (again), and I've got another week in which I'll be taking the exam.
God willing and my brain cooperates, I'll be a Community Health Worker/Certified Recovery Specialist when the grading is complete.
I am hopeful that this will open up doors for me that have previously been inaccessible.

So, I PASSED!!
Abbie W, CHW/CRS, that's me.
😀

Mental Illness Lies Some Christians Believe

2015-03-12T11:14:00.001-04:00

Mental Illness Lies Some Christians Believe

Have you had any of thes experiences? I believe that education is key, here, as in so many other situations where the stigma is unintentionally continued...

The real quandary being, how can we help our brothers and sisters to consider that their (lack of) understanding about mental illness just MIGHT not be accurate?

The churches' reaction to the mentally ill serves to effectively keep those needing grace, restoration, healing from ever taking their mask of "normalcy" off. It's not possible to heal what is not acknowledged.

Instruments of peace- Peace Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

2015-03-08T10:33:00.001-04:00

I have been pondering the ways that God moves in my life. Recently He's been putting people in my life, the sort of which I've not gotten the opportunity to bless, as long as I've been actively seeking a closer walk with Him. It's given me concern, as to how I will be able to do this, but He is ever faithful, so I know I shall. this prayer came to mind this morning. I think I'll copy it and keep it close.

Blessings and peace, friends.

Recovery Coach Training

2015-03-07T11:02:00.000-05:00

So a few weeks ago I was in the first part of the ICAADA training to be a Peer Recovery Coach. I wanted to tell you about some of the highlights, especially yesterday's walk through the hall of shame. It felt like a viewing you might go to after someone dies. I have pictures to add, but they will have to be posted later.
The topic yesterday was "Stigma". We broke up into 3 groups and each group made a list on large pieces of newsprint paper of the words that come to mind when you think about:
Alcoholics
Drug Addicts
Mentally Ill
Recovery.
Each group made a pretty extensive list.
Then we hung the lists up together in the meeting room across the hall from the classroom. We were instructed to walk through the room, single-file, silently.
The entire class walked through the room in about 15 minutes' time, then returned to our seats, still silently, considering the things we'd just read.
I will add the posters when I am able.
I think I can safely say that most of us were in tears after this reminder of who we had been, for so long. Even with so much time, so many years, between myself and the days of drinking and drugging, it brought back many painful memories.
I 'd believed the lies for so long, and run so hard after the ~~(non-existent) rewards~~ smoke and mirrors of the party-girl/addicts' lifestyle.In that room, with 2 dozen of our peers, we confronted our collective demons.

Now, before I continue, I feel that I should tell you that not ALL of these adjectives described me, completely. But, yes; most did.
We discussed what had just happened. We talked about the stigmas of addiction, alcoholism, and of mental illness, all of which were represented in our group. Most of us saw our former selves on more than one of the papers.
I can't recall what my peers said, but the feelings were all the same: guilt, shame, sorrow, self-loathing, to name a few.
What I shared afterward, was that it felt a lot like when I did my first 5th Step. Writing the inventory wasn't so hard, but letting someone else see the labels I'd carried around, was terrifying. I was deeply afraid that all the things I'd thought about myself, even before ever picking up, would be confirmed as true
.But what I said then, was that I'm a little bit less of that person, every day that I stay clean. I never want to be her, again.
I will be eternally grateful for the Trainers and my friends who went on that disturbing walk through the "Wall of Pain" with me. We learned, that week, how to better use our pains to help the addict/alcoholics that God will faithfully our paths.

Helpers gonna help

2015-02-22T11:37:00.000-05:00

2015...ready or not here it is!

2015-01-08T17:56:00.004-05:00

I wish I had a glorious tale of intrique to share, as to where I've been these last few months.
Truth be told, it's been life on ~~life's~~ Gods terms and it has been, I suppose, a time of more peeling of the onion that is me.
I've been working in a group home and an adult daycare since March. I like my job. I know I'm not bad at it. I'm learning to extend grace to my co-workers and accept unconditional love from a couple of the folks I work with.
I helped start an addiction/recovery meeting at church. What began as the Pastor, a friend in recovery, and myself has grown to a group of 15-20 average. I guess 2/3 of the attendees are addicts, the rest are there as "support". It is encouraging to know that more than a couple of those (normies) who regularly go to services on Sunday mornings want to help the addicts in the community. W
hether or not they have an actual grasp on all of the ugliness that goes along with the life of an active drug addict, I don't know. Thieves, liars, murderers, child abusers, prostitutes...yes we are pretty well represented there, for about an hour & a half one night a week.
Having a man respected and trusted in the community want to help us modern-day lepers

Pain of Depression: Physical Symptoms of Depression - HealthyPlace

2014-10-28T10:43:00.001-04:00

Pain of Depression: Physical Symptoms of Depression - HealthyPlace

Coincidences?

2014-07-26T16:27:00.002-04:00

Yesterday my youngest turned 14. It was a pretty good day, in that respect. I took us to lunch at our favorite China Buffet, we joked around and had a pretty good time. Big Guy & I got him a nifty t-shirt and the new Skillet cd, which went over WELL. :)
Then, after dropping him off at the other "parents'" home, I went on to work, a little later than usual.
We were watching Dr. Phil, talking to a young girl who was 7 months pregnant and tested positive for pot, coke, and heroin. She was in denial and so Phil showed her a video of what newborns go through when born to addicted mothers. They were going through withdrawal, and looked to be underweight, etc. The whole shebang. She was visibly shaken, as were the rest of us, viewing.
Shortly before that, on my way to work, I'd gotten a text from my older son telling me his heart pains were more intense and breathing was more difficult than usual. It's been increasingly harder for him to have any kind of normalcy in his daily life, for several months, now.
I told him to call and ask the nurse what he should do, and it was decided that he would go to the (IU) ER.
While I was watching the Dr. Phil show, it was ironic that this was the subject matter, on today, and this was going on with my baby.
I contacted my boss and was able to join my son in the ER after he'd been there for a couple of hours. I got to talk to him, but mostly I listened to him. He talked about how scared he is, but puts on a happy face, b/c "somebody's got to", and how he just wants to do normal things, that everyone else can do. He wants to be able to play soccer...but even if they give him a transplant, there's no guarantee that he'll be better afterward. (His "dad" is in the process of rejecting the liver he was given a year ago.)
I tried to be strong. I looked away, I talked about silly things with him. I tried not to give away how I was really feeling. I talked about the family dynamics with him...he talked about how he hates hospitals, and I said I feel the same...and I tried not to cry.
By the time I was about to leave, he'd been put into a room (overnight, thankfully, he got home-to Grandma's- this afternoon), and I was unable to get out without crying.
I wonder all the time whether he knows how much I love him. I am filled with regret when I think of the years of living in the subsidized apartments. Years of anger, despair, depression, and struggling just to maintain some small semblance of sanity.
I've thought many times of updating you all, but I've been, you know, busy working. That's the good news. Yesterday was just a bump in the road. God is good and He hears our prayers. I told B that there are a lot of people praying for him. He didn't reply, but that's ok.
I'm ok because I know Who's in charge.

The Feminization of Love and Masculinization of Sex

2014-02-13T09:33:00.001-05:00

Some thoughts on Valentine's Day...

The Feminization of Love and Masculinization of Sex

Experimental Film - They Might Be Giants (official video) (+playlist)

2014-01-25T19:15:00.001-05:00

Check it out: Father of Lights Extended Trailer

2014-01-02T01:29:00.001-05:00

Opera Company of Philadelphia "Hallelujah!" Random Act of Culture

2013-12-15T13:22:00.001-05:00

Llamas with Hats 1, 2, 3, and 4 - A free larf for you. :)

2013-11-27T07:11:00.001-05:00

I'd like to have more security. How about you?

2013-11-12T23:56:00.000-05:00

"Do not stop thinking of life as an adventure. You have no security unless you can live bravely, excitingly, imaginatively, unless you can choose a challenge instead of a competence."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

From the House Part deux

2013-10-30T06:16:00.001-04:00

Hello! How are you this fine Wednesday morning?
I'm just this side of exhausted, but I just finished another cup of coffee a minute ago, so I'm hanging in there.
I thought that I would tell you about another of the residents, here.
There is an older gentleman who lives here named "Mick". Mick is a serious person and very intense. He never jokes (just ask him and he'll tell you, loudly). Mick also is narcissistic as all get out. EVERYTHING is about him. I guess we are all SO incredibly interested in all things Mick that he graciously fills us in on Mick trivia throughout the day: "I am not a criminal" "I have never been on a matress with a male or a female!" "I never finished school, I only got to the 9th grade" "In one year I had 24 different jobs." And it's not in a conversational tone, like, say "Rainman". It's BELLOWED across any great (or small, really) span that has any living person on the other side of it. Mick really just seems to enjoy the sound of his own voice more than anyone I can think of.
When his staff person takes him out to the store to do his personal shopping, even though the staff person is clearly nowhere near as old as Mick, or in any other way related to him, Mick often finds it necessary to yell across the store "You are not my wife!"
Last week, while on the way home, the staff person was going 40-ish on a 35 mile an hour road and Mick called the police and reported that she was trying to kill him. Reckless endangerment!
Mick has something wrong with one of his eyes, so that it's kind of looking slightly away fromthe other one. An accident, I think, caused this. Anyway, to hear him tell it, THE EYE (often it is pointed at and addressed as if it were a seperate entity-heck, maybe it is) is the reason for most of the things that happen to Mick. Note that it's not a matter of consequences of his own actions. No, no, no. Mick is absolutely a victim here. His brother, who is the legal guardian of Mick's affairs (I can just hear him now VEHEMENTLY denying EVER having had "ANY kind of affair with a man or a woman"), also supposedly abuses Mick. I'm not exactly sure how this abuse happens, but Mick is one who never forgets an imagined slight. Mick is clearly disturbed. At the moment, in fact, he is a temporary resident at the local "Stress Unit". (IE Psych Ward) It's unfortunate, because I have seen him at times actually being almost kind, completely polite, and even cracking a smile. (I think the last of those came when I surprised him with a carefully planned -very subtle-joke. It was fairly miraculous!)
It's not known at this point whether Mick will be returning to the house or going on to a safer environment (he often likes to berate the milder residents when they are careless enough to, say, sit inthe living room while he's home). If he doesn't return, I would just like to say that I enjoyed the Monopoly and Scrabble games, Mick. And I wish him (and his EYE) well.

Wake Up Call: 10 American Foods That Are Banned in Other Countri...

2013-10-26T19:31:00.001-04:00

Wow! This is disturbing. I know it won't be a surprise to most of you readers. :)
Wake Up Call: 10 American Foods That Are Banned in Other Countri...: Americans are slowly waking up to the sad fact that much of the food sold in the US is far inferior to the same foods sold in other nation...

Greetings from The House.

2013-10-25T00:01:00.000-04:00

I'm sucking on my second delicious coffee since about 9 pm, and I thought this would be an excellent time to jot down some thoughts. Since I AM still employed at The House, I will give you some observations about some of the people I get to work (for) with. I want to preface that, though, with this statement:
Whenever there is a group of people living under the same roof, eating meals together, and kinda doing life together, they will tend to become like a family. Whether it's been a group of college kids sharing rent, or an intentional community, it would seem to be the way things are. This is not a good thing nor a bad thing. Maybe it's better than it is worse, I don't know. But as I have been allowed to watch and learn from the folks here at The House, I can see that it is even more apparent that we need each other. Us. Humans. I'm glad, today, that God created us for relationships.

In order to protect the innocent (or not so innocent) I will use ficticious names, here, of course. None of the names are of the actual residents.

Every one who lives in this place has some kind of schizo-affective disorder, (among other things) which is to say at any given moment, there's probably someone hearing things that aren't there. Lots of paraniod delusions, too, so we often have to assure our people that we are NOT poisoning them. (No comments about when I get to help cook, please. And thank you.)

I guess I'll start with my favorites, which are easily Bill and Jane.

Bill is about 50, a soft-spoken gentleman who is often paranoid, and prefers to let the person who cuts his hair, shave him. He will get a pretty good scruff going before he decides to go get "gussied up"- I like to tease him. I asked him last time if he was going to get a mani-pedi, too? He grinned at me, and said no. His grins start at his eyes and eventually spread over his whole face.
Bill has paranoid schizophrenia, so every time he is in a vehicle we have to reassure him that "Yes, we will get there and back safe and alive." He grips the door and the cupholders while traveling.
One way we try to help him with this is to distract him while we're driving. Talking about the song on the radio is one way. Another is, when we go past the local "PNC" bank, we think of things the "PNC" might stand for. Bill thought of "Pretty Nice Chicks" once, and grinned. He clarified "I mean you know, like girls, chicks like girls." Pretty cute.
The first thing you notice about Bill, though, is the drool. He constantly drools. It's a side-effect of some of his medications, Unfortunately, it could give the impression that he's not too bright, but Bill is a smart guy. He told me that he studied architecture befoer he got sick, and checked out several books on blueprints at the library. I believe that he did. He's a smart cookie, under the mental illness.

Jane is tied for first place with Bill. She is also living with schizophrenia, almong other things. Jane talks about her thoughts falling out of her head all over the floor. She won't do to church because, as she explains it "what if I was thought-broadcasting and my thoughts flew out and hit, a Bishop, or the Minister, or something?" Jand is a delight. She is almost always smiling, and in a good mood. She comes off with some really random things, and she loves to go to the Dollar Store and buy stuff.
Jane goes to the Senior Center nearby and likes to hang out there. From what I hear, they fix lunch for them and also do a lot of crafts. Jane is a very crafty lady. Jane is about 65, but she wears her hair in a cute bob cut, and her mother still tries to boss her around. I guess some things are universal.

There are 6 other rooms here, but currently only 5 other occupants. We should be getting a "move-in" next week, which is sure to be interesting.

I love my job. I love being able to help people, I love being able to show them that I care, and helping them find solutions for their problems, even if it's the same solution, day after day. I will confide something to you, dear reader, but don't tell anyone. I feel lots of times, that I could easily have ended up in a place like this, where others get to tell you what to do, all day, and every day. Where not everyone recognises that you are a human, adult, and treats you with the respect and consideration that you deserve. I'm grateful that I have been able to get to this point with as sound a mind as I have.

But sometimes, I feel like I'm undercover. I'm really much closer to the residents here than anyone else needs to know. ;)

7 Demons That Attack the Church

2013-10-15T02:03:00.001-04:00

This is enlightening...just so you know what you're dealing with.

7 Demons That Attack the Church

Guest Blog: Break the Silence, Report Workplace Bullying

2013-09-25T14:39:00.001-04:00

Here's the topic of the day. Sometimes a person is just having a bad day. Sometimes he'she is just a bitch. Sometimes it's much more seious than that. File this under "Mental Health help"

Guest Blog: Break the Silence, Report Workplace Bullying

David Crowder Band - All I Can Say (+playlist)

2013-09-21T11:47:00.001-04:00

This song just touches me. I hope it will move your spirit, too.
God only wants...all of us...to love.

Nominated for a Liebster! Woot Woot!!

2013-09-18T13:11:00.001-04:00

”What is a Liebster award?”
You might ask.
In short, it is an award that bloggers pass to one another to announce to the world the blogs they think are wonderful. When a blog is nominated for a Liebster there are some rules they are supposed to follow.
First, they must thank the blogger who nominated them.
Then they must answer 10 questions which the nominating blogger has asked.
Then they must nominate other blogs they feel are worthy.
They must then write 10 questions for their nominees to answer and must notify their nominees that they have been nominated.

Here are the questions I received:

1. What do you think about sheep?
I like them very much. I want to emulate them in a spiritual sense. But not in an intellectual sense.

2. Identify your most unloved possession. A Mac laptop

How did you acquire this thing?* I got in online.

3. Why did you think you needed it?*Thought I'd be able to master it and get out from under the heavily-virused (among other downfalls) Windows Empire.

4. How did it disappoint you?* Not for an untreated ADD mind to successfully accomplish. At that moment.

5. What is your favorite gardening tool? Fresh dirt. :)

6. What got you started blogging? I've always known I had a story to tell, and when I discovered the blogosphere, it was a natural step for me. I've been published in a hardcopy magazine once upon a time, but I like this because it's so much more personal.

7. What is the best way to build community? I wish I knew. Having give-aways seems to work for some folks.

8. When was the last time you grew something and produced a yield? last summer I was finally successful at tending to a little porch-garden. The tomatoes we got from that were by far the tastiest things EVER.

9. Did you save seeds from your yield? No. I was given them as little baby plants...:( Now I wonder if I should have? )

10. The last time you entered the wilderness, what brought you there?** My soul needs to be in the wilderness. I feel only half alive while in the concrete jungle, even as small as our current resident city is. Bliss is found in the company of birds, bugs (not including spiders, of course) and the occasional wood nymph. It's easier for me to touch the Almighty Spirit when not surrounded by so much ~~"civilization"~~ chaos.

I look forward to reading all of your responses. I'm glad you are part of the blogging community, especially my little community. Blog on!

*This question was shamelessly copied out of “The Pocket Muse: Endless Inspiration” by Monica Wood, Copyright 2006 **Adapted from a question in “The Pocket Muse” ibid

As painfully far apart as my opportunities to blog have been lately, I'll have to do this in increments.

Today, I answer the Q's.

Next time I'll send out my nominations. :)

Thanks eversomuch, to my wonderful friend, Barb, Matron and HNIC of
Groundwell Farm.

www.GroundwellFarm.com

Before I dash off...

2013-09-17T21:09:00.003-04:00

Hi. I'm so ready to be able to sit down and tell you all that's been going on. The drama, the angst, the grace, the bullsh*t....You know, life. But, alas, I'm on my way out the door after a 13-hour day. I'm not sure when we're gonna have the luxury of the internet back at the homestead. I'll try to sneak out to the library tomorrow so I can fill you in a bit.
1. Still employed. Learning a LOT about "Lateral Hostility". Wow. and from a "Christian".
2. The boy's "dad" is recovering (still) from his liver transplant. So far, so good.
3. Thanks to the recent decision to give the child medication for the AHDH, he's doing GREAT at school. I'm very proud.

Gotta run. Love and hugs~
Abs

Catching up. A little.

2013-09-04T12:50:00.000-04:00

It's been almost a month, and I have been SO very busy. You haven't been far from my heart, dear friends.
I have gotten through the official training phase for the awesome job, and now I am working on getting "the hang of it". I had to let my (ADD) secret out, after forgetting some fairly important things more than once. :C But, in the end, it has worked out, like always. I feel somewhat secure for the time being, because the new work schedule is out and MY NAME IS ALL OVER IT! lol
When we have internet at home, again, (not enough $ coming in took it's toll, as I know you can dig)I'll be able to fill you in a bit more.
With great sorrow I have to tell you that the Homeschooling has had to be put off...starting a new job and fighting with the boy to DO any schooling, has resulted in him going back to the evil public school. Yes, it's going to be a challenge for me to be pleasant in dealing with them.
They are currently "trying to get" an evaluation for him, through their OWN Psychiatrist. I don't know why, but our Dr.'s assessment laast year, of which they HAVE a note, will not suffice now. Yeah. So it will be up to 2 months before they can "decide" whether or not they will treat his learning disability for what it is.
I, in the meantime, have been looking into the legal aspects. Human nature is to take the path of least resistance, right? I am preparing to convince the school that THEIR best bet is to do what they are REQUIRED to. The boy's self-esteem took a beating last year, EVERY friggin' day, and that's not going to happen again. God help me.
The Big Guy is still working at the little diner, here in town, and getting to know most everyone in Edintucky. He's happy cooking, and I love that the little old ladies ask for him by name. (Who'd a thunk it?)
So, this evening I will be working to keep the nighttime safe for my residents. I'm going home when I finish this and will soon be napping, I hope. Got the coffee maker all prepared for a giant cuppa joe to take with me. (French vanilla/regular blend is nice.)
I've been feeling kind of isolated of late, but I know for sure that change is inevitable. At least with the job I am sure to interact with a few humans, there. By the way, staff is at least as much of a challenge (to work with) as the residents. But God's on my side. :)
Oh, and the Boy's "dad" had a liver transplant a couple of weeks ago and seems to be recovering well. I want to let myself hope that he will take this new life that he's been afforded, graciously, and use it...to, oh, I don't know, maybe PARTICIPATE in life. Namely, his boy's life. It would be wonderful if we weren't forever trying to un-do the insanity and stupidity that he teaches the boy on the weekends. (Yes, I think that about covers it. He is insane and...you get the picture.)

I'm looking for a cheap dehydrater, if you should know of anyone with a spare.