Abominable Serendipity

Things I Don't Say Thursday

2012-12-13T14:06:00.000+08:00

The whole breastfeeding debate really annoys me. Don't get me wrong, I am an advocate for breastfeeding, I breastfed Chai for 17 wonderful months and would still be breastfeeding him now if he hadn't weaned himself. That was my choice. And that's the key word here, choice.

Breastfeeding or not breastfeeding is a choice. It's a choice that can only be made by the mother. Yes, we all know that breast is best, but we shouldn't be made to feel like bad mothers if we don't or can't breastfeed. If mum is not happy then bub is not going to be happy, so if breastfeeding is causing mum stress and making her unhappy, then then best thing for bub is not to be breastfed.

People have such strong opinions about breastfeed and they seem to feel that they can try to enforce those opinions on mothers, whether they are wanted or not. I've had negative reactions from people when I tell them that my 20 month old no longer breastfeeds. Really?

New mums are vulnerable and need to be supported, whatever decision they make. Most of the women I know who don't breastfeed tried their best, tried for longer than was healthy for them and felt so guilty when it didn't work out. That's crazy! Most of them shed many tears over it and months or years later still get upset when talking about breastfeeding. That is not right!

I wish everyone would just shut up about it, offer assistance to new mums and then support the decision that they make, without judgement.

Things I Don't Say Thursday

2012-12-06T06:48:00.004+08:00

I believe in Fairies,

magic

and the healing power of Mother Nature.

Things I Don't Say Thursday

2012-11-29T14:03:00.000+08:00

You know how you see those articles in the magazines about mothers who breastfeed their three or four year old children? They disgust me.

Probably not for the reason you think though. I don't have a problem with them breastfeeding their child, I think it's great. What I do have a problem with is them exploiting that child to get attention for themselves. They say that they breastfeed because that's what they believe is best for the child, however if they truly wanted what was best for their child they would breastfeed in the privacy of their home and not tell the world about it.

Do they stop to think about the effect being breastfed on the front page of a magazine could have on a child? What if one of their friends saw the photo and started teasing them? Or what about if it came back to haunt them when they were a teenager? Yep. If the mum truly wanted what was best for her child she would keep her mouth shut and not risk opening her child up for ridicule, teasing or bullying.

It really pisses me off. It's my opinion that these women are just trying to cause scandal and gain attention for purely selfish reasons.

Overprotective Mumma

2012-11-06T11:30:00.002+08:00

I'm starting to wonder if I'm overprotective of Chai. I think I'm a fairly relaxed Mum, I let him do his own thing, run around the playground etc, but the number of parents with children's Chai's age and younger who take their child to the playground and then don't even watch them really amazes me.

When I'm at a playground with Chai I always watch him. I'll stand back so he can run around freely but I always have my eyes on him. So many parents don't even watch where their children are. I saw one couple with a 16 month old baby who were sitting on the grass chatting, oblivious to the fact that their daughter had chased a bird all the way to the road and was about to step in front of a car. If I hadn't told them she would probably be dead by now.

Yesterday we were at the playground in the shopping centre and there will a little girl around 3 years old. She was playing for about 20 minutes before her dad came wandering over to see where she was, he'd left here there whilst he went shopping! She was a very friendly little girl who would probably have wandered off with anyone!

I just don't understand it. Sure, give your child their freedom but keep your eyes on them! I've noticed that the parents of bullies never seem to watch their children, they leave them free to roam around hurting the other kids. I suppose for me this is a good thing because they never see me telling off their child!

Sunday Story

2012-10-28T17:26:00.001+08:00

It recently occurred to me that I have some rather strange and funny stories to tell, so I decided to share some of them here.

My father is a wonderful, slightly crazy man who does some highly amusing things. One of the best things he's ever done was when my brother and I were children. I was around 11 and my brother was around 8.

Dad went through this stage where he was constantly losing his keys. He lost 2 or 3 sets of keys within a few months. For reasons unknown to me he decided that the keys were being stolen and our house was under surveillance by thieves wanting to break in. I'm unsure why they would have specifically wanted to break into our house but I'm sure Dad would have known the reasons.

Due to the house being under surveillance and people wanting to break in, an elaborate routine was required every time we all left the house. About half an hour before we left the house my brother or I had to casually go out to the carport and open the back of our van. My Dad ran a business so we had several vehicles, whilst the house was under surveillance we only used the tradesman van.

We would then casually return to the house. About five minutes later Dad would bend double and run from the house to the carport and lie down in the back of the van. A few minutes later my brother or I would casually go to the van and shut the back door.

Before Mum, my brother and I left the house we would turn on a light and a radio in the upstairs office and when we were leaving the house we would have to loudly say goodbye to Dad and wave to him. We would then get into the car, my brother and I in the back, where we would have to ignore Dad. We found the whole thing both ridiculous (for reasons I will explain soon) and hilarious so ignoring Dad was nearly impossible.

Once we'd driven to the end of our street (about 100 meters) Mum would stop and Dad would get into the passenger seat. This ruse went on for months.

I'm not sure why my Dad failed to see the many holes in his ruse. My brother and I both pointed them out to him, but he ignored us and continued with his wonderful game.
The whole thing delighted my brother and I, going out was the highlight of our week as Dad's carry on was so funny.

Here are the reasons why the whole thing was such a joke:

Every time Dad lost his keys he was at home. We had a dog who barked like crazy whenever someone came onto our property, so someone couldn't have stolen the keys without the dog barking.

We lived in the sticks, where all the blocks were bush blocks of an acre or more. If there was a stranger in the area everyone knew. Also, there was no where to hide so if we were being surveilled the person would have been clearly visible.

Our house and carport were visible from the road, so Dad would have been seen when he was running to the van doubled over.

The end of the street was visible from our house, so Dad would also have been seen when he was getting into the passenger seat.

I'm sure Dad really thought the house was going to be broken into, but I like to think he invented the whole thing to amuse us. If he did, it was a spectacular success.

Thursday: Things I don't say

2012-10-25T07:12:00.000+08:00

For a while I've been thinking about starting another blog but I've decided that would be too time consuming so I'm just going to revive this one. I had intended to merge this with my beauty blog, however I think the people who read that blog are interested in beauty, not my personal life.

This has been on my mind for a while but I haven't been brave enough to post it. Now I'm just going to do it.
Thursdays will now be dedicated to The Things I Don't say. Not because I can't, but because for various reasons I choose not to. So here goes.

Sometimes I hate being a Mum.

Where am I now?

2012-05-20T15:42:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I updated this blog. I've been doing some personal posts on my main blog, however there are still some things that I don't want to talk about on there so I'll continue to post here every now and again.

I've recently been talking to a few people about my Crohn's journey so I thought it was high time I posted an update. I read through some of my posts and it bought everything flooding back. I'm so glad those days are over, they were tough but I got through them, I really don't know how.

My Crohn's is pretty good now. I was worried that I'd have a flare up after having bub but thankfully I haven't. I felt great during my whole pregnancy and have felt pretty good since the birth. My stomach still gets sore if I get stressed or eat the wrong foods, but most days I'm fine.

The chronic fatigue is mostly gone. I do get more tired than I used to but as long as I don't overdo things then it's not a problem. I have my b12 shots every 6 weeks and really notice it when I'm due for my next one.

I still can't lie on my right side for very long cause of the scar tissue, but I'm used to lying on my left side now.

Thankfully my thermostat has reset itself and I no longer feel freezing cold all the time. I told hubby that if my thermostat didn't reset we were going to have to move up north cause I just couldn't handle being freezing cold all the time.

Overall I feel like I have my Crohn's and immune system under control. I'm still med free, I rarely get colds and I feel like I'm finally back to my old self.

Keep Your Opinion to Yourself

2011-11-03T18:36:00.003+08:00

Since I've had bub I've been amazed at that amount of unsolicited advice I've been given. I don't know why people all of a sudden think that I give a damn about their opinions, but for some reason they do. If you hadn't already guessed by the tone of this post, I really dislike getting unsolicited advice and comments. After today's comment I've decided that instead of replying politely I'm going to respond exactly as I like.

There have been heaps of unwanted comments, but 2 stick in my mind. The first one was my mother in law (mil). I was feeding bub and had warmed his food up in the microwave. I took it out, tested the temperature with my heat sensitive spoon and then started to feed him.

MIL jumped to try and stop me feeding him and told me that the food was too hot. I didn't say anything, I just gave her the look an hubby told her off. What I really wanted to say to her was "Yes, the food is too hot, but I want to spend the night at the children's hospital, so I decided to burn bub's mouth, throat and stomach by feed him boiling hot food, cause that's the type of parent I am."

And then there's the lady today. I had bub in his carrier and we were walking through the shop. He leaned his head back and this woman came up to me and told me that he'd hurt his neck like that. I politely told her that he was fine and then walked off. What I wanted to say was "Of course he's going to hurt his neck, that's why I've got him in the carrier and I'm letting him lean his head back. I always let my baby hurt himself. I carried him inside me for 38 weeks and 6 days, have lost hundreds of hours sleep along with a whole range of other things, just so that I can let my baby get hurt."

Really, what is with these people? Do they really think that I'd deliberately cause harm to my child? Or do they think that I'm so stupid I can't see when something is wrong? Either way, they are bloody annoying!

Next time one of these stupid people make a comment to me I'm going to forget about being polite and reply exactly as I want to!

Life with bub

2011-07-16T20:12:00.002+08:00

Well life with bub is starting to settle down. At first I found it quite difficult not being at work, it was like my days didn't have purpose anymore, but I'm over that feeling now and can't imagine going back to work. We aren't sure if I'll have to go back to work, that's something we'll deal with later.

Bub is a delight, he's such a beautiful, happy baby. He's not so great at sleeping but he doesn't get grumpy or whingey so I can deal with him not sleeping much.

The in laws still drive me crazy. They've stopped coming over unannounced, finally! That happened because they came over a few times without arranging it before hand and hubby told them they had to leave cause it wasn't a good time, plus I took bub and went into the bedroom so they didn't get to see either of us. They still call at the last minute or when they are 5 minutes away, but at least they don't call from the driveway anymore.

In an effort to be nice and include the in laws, I asked MIL to help me with the food shopping one day. Never again. She stopped to speak to everyone with a baby who walked past and spent the whole time criticising what I was doing. To make things worse she wouldn't criticise me once for each thing, it was about 3 times per thing. For example, she was convinced that bub was cold (which he wasn't), so she asked me several times if he was warm enough. I explained to her that he was warm enough but she just kept on asking. Then when we were in the parents room she saw another baby with more clothes on so she proceeded to tell me that my bub must be cold because the other bub had more clothes on than mine.
Bub likes to sit and sleep on an angle, he always has done, but she was convinced that his head should be straight and she told me over and over again. Then the next time she visited she bought us one of those things that hold bub's head in place. I haven't used it.

BIL (brother in law) is now the one who's started the unannounced visit thing, he's taken over from the parents. So frustrating! And then he gets angry when he can't see or hold bub, but what does he expect when he doesn't check before coming over? For a while there he was coming over at 9pm at night. I find that so rude, who visits someone at that hour? And when he came over he was surprised that bub was asleep! I think he's finally got the idea that if he visits after 6pm bub will be asleep.
He still has an expectation that whenever he comes over he'll get to hold bub, like it's his right to hold our child. That infuriates me. Sometimes when he holds bub it makes my skin crawl, I don't want him anywhere near our child. I usually only feel like that when he's been smoking, pot changes him into a person that I really don't like. He knows that he's not allowed to visit when he's stoned, but it still affects him for a few days afterwards, I can see it in his eyes. Thankfully bub also seems able to pick up on it when he's been smoking and he screams whenever BIL touches him.

Other than that everyone else has been pretty good. Mum's been coming up to help out a bit which I do and don't like. I like it when she's here but then when she goes back home I feel like I'm starting all over again, so in some ways I'd rather she didn't come up. She's going to start coming up every week so we'll see how that goes.

Things no one told me about pregnancy

2011-05-20T17:40:00.008+08:00

Morning sickness is the worst feeling ever. It lasts all day and all night too.

Food tastes amazing when you're pregnant.

Pregnancy is painful. The first few weeks you have implantation pain, then up until about 5 months you have ligament stretching pain, then you get reflux and a sore back, then the bub starts sitting on your bladder. Then it starts kicking underneath your ribs. Then you can't sleep cause your belly is big and your hips hurt. Then you back and knees hurt due to the extra weight you're carrying. Then you get carpal tunnel so your wrists are really sore. Then your hands and feet start swelling. And it goes on.

Despite all the pain you willingly deal with it because you know that you're growing a little miracle inside you.

Cravings aren't always strange but they can be quite specific. I craved red meat, cheese and oranges for my whole pregnancy. I also had cravings that would go away once I'd eaten the food once or twice. One of them was for donut balls. It had to be the balls, not normal donuts. I ate them twice then I was happy.

When the baby gets big its kicks can feel quite violent.

Everyone stares and smiles at pregnant women, especially men. They get a gooey look on their face too.

People on public transport don't stand up so pregnant women can sit down.

Chael

2011-05-18T16:19:00.000+08:00

A few people have asked where we got Chael's name from and how it's pronounced. Chael is the short form of Michael. It's a Hebrew name meaning "in the image of god". It's pronounced
Ch-ay-el.

We heard the name when we were watching UFC, it was the name of a fighter competing for a world championship title. As soon as I heard the name I knew that's what I wanted to name my son. Hubby wasn't so sure as it's unusual and he didn't want bub to have trouble with people pronouncing and spelling his name. I have an unusual name that I have to spell all the time and it doesn't bother me, so I didn't see it as a big deal. I like unusual names that no-one has heard of and think it's nice to be different.

Up until we had bub we hadn't decided on his name. We knew he would be Chael Kai or Kai Chael. After we gave birth Hubby said that I could choose cause I'd been through the labour. I didn't want to choose the name just because I wanted it, I wanted us both to agree on the name. Thankfully, Hubby now agrees that Chael is the right name for our little boy. I said to him that we can either give him a warriors name or a surfie's name, so we chose the warriors name.

I think it suits him.

Breastfeeding

2011-05-16T08:44:00.002+08:00

I've been thinking about writing this post for a while now and wasn't sure if I was going to write it, but this is really bugging me.

I'm really sick of all the pressure that is put on mums to breastfeed. Yes, we all know that breast is best, however some people can't breastfeed and that's not their fault. Some mothers choose not to breastfeed and that's their decision to make, no-one has the right to tell them that they are doing the wrong thing, it's a personal choice. There is so much pressure from society to breastfeed that when mothers can't breastfeed they give themselves such a hard time and are convinced they are terrible mothers because they can't breastfeed.

We were discussing this at my mothers group and one of the girls said that a friend of hers had been kicked out of her mothers group because she couldn't breastfeed. How rude and judgmental is that! In my mothers groups (I have 2) about half of the mums don't breastfeed. Other than 1 of them, they all have no choice but to bottle feed. Some of them are on medications or have medical conditions that mean they can't breastfeed and the rest of them just don't make enough milk. That's not their fault, but they have been subjected to so much scrutiny and unfair pressure, it's crazy. Being a parent is difficult enough without people unfairly judging and giving unwanted advice.

I'm one of the fortunate ones who has been able to breastfeed and I'm really happy about that, however I get really annoyed at all the pressure that is put on mums to breastfeed. I get asked so often if I'm breastfeeding, as if it's anyone's business how I choose to nourish my child. If the baby is healthy, putting on weight and thriving then everything is obviously okay.

At the moment Miranda Kerr is constantly on tv and being lauded as a great breastfeeding advocate. So she breastfeeds, so what? My obstetrician was bottle fed and he's fine, he's a Dr, so obviously being bottle fed didn't have any negative effects on him.

Give new mums a break. Their job is difficult enough without society putting more pressure on them.

Crohn's post pregnancy

2011-05-15T08:54:00.000+08:00

My crohn's has been in remission for ages now but for the last few days I've been wondering if it's starting to flare up again. I'm starting to have food sensitivities, have reflux and have been constipated. To make things even worse, I also have a fissure. After having experience childbirth I can now say that the pain of a fissure is equal to when the baby is crowning. Lovely.

After childbirth it's quite common to have a crohn's flare up. During pregnancy the body produces natural steroids and then when the baby is born the steroids stop being produced and it's like going cold turkey off steroids (which is never a good idea). I'd thought that I was not going to have a flare up as I've been fine for 9 weeks, but I'm starting to wonder.

The constipation started last week and could be due to the pain killers I was on. I had to have a d&c to get rid of some retained placenta and they pumped me full of drugs. I got constipated after that so it's quite possible the painkillers were the cause. The fissure I've had for about 4 weeks now, that's not a symptom of my crohn's flaring though.

The food sensitivities and reflux started 3 days ago. It's not normal for me to have reflux and it was one of the first symptoms when I was originally diagnosed. Food sensitivities could just be because I'm no longer producing pregnancy steroids. I've had the food sensitivities since I was diagnosed, so it could just be my body going back to it's normal state. I certainly hope that's what it is.

I haven't done anything about it yet, I'm going to give it a few days and see how I go. Fingers crossed it's not a flare up.

It's a boy!

2011-03-22T13:46:00.000+08:00

When I went for my Dr's visit at 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant, my blood pressure was high again, so the Dr decided to induce me. I really didn't want to be induced, but the risks to the bub and me were too high for me not to be induced. Bub's head had moved back up and wasn't sitting right down in my pelvis, so my Dr told me there was a very strong chance I'd have to have a c-section, which I didn't want. I got quite upset at the thought of having a c-section.

Thankfully hubby had taken the day off work to come to the Dr with me, so when we left the Dr's office he called my naturopath who gave me an acupuncture treatment to help bring on the labour. We arrived at the hospital at 5.30pm on Tuesday evening and the Dr put the gel on my cervix to start the labour at 7pm. We decided that it'd be best for hubby to go home and get some rest, so he left around 9pm and I settled in my room.

I was due to be checked at 1am but as per usual I woke up at 12.30pm. I went down to the labour ward and they checked my blood pressure (still high), checked bub's heartbeat (still strong) and then did a stretch and sweep of my cervix. By 1.30am when I went back to my room the labour pains had already started. They came on quite strong and quickly so I couldn't sleep, I couldn't even sit still. At 4.45am I was sick of being in pain and alone so I rang hubby and got him to come back to the hospital.

We went to the delivery suite at 7am and things progressed quickly from there. I was having 3 or 4 contractions every 10 minutes but was only 1 cm dilated. My Dr arrived at 7.30am, broke my waters and started the drip to bring on labour. I really didn't like the drip. It made my contractions more painful and as they were already so close together, it wasn't much fun.

I had an epidural put in at 9am so that it was there when I needed it, however a few hours later when they started to put medication through it nothing happened. Turns out that the epidural hadn't been put in properly so wasn't working. I finally got another epidural put in at 1pm. That made me a lot more comfortable, but it still didn't work fully, I could move my legs and still feel quite a lot. Despite that it worked enough that I could get a little bit of sleep as I was exhausted from not having slept the night before.

By 6pm I was ready to push and waiting for my Dr to arrive. He got there at 6.30pm and still thought that I'd have to have a c-section as bub hadn't moved down enough. Thankfully I managed to push him down so that we could have a natural birth.
Chael Kai arrived at 7.27pm on Wednesday the 9th of March. Hubby was amazing through the whole thing, he was by my side, I couldn't have done it without him. I'm so glad it was just him and I in the room. We'd considered having someone else there but we didn't need anyone else, hubby was a star.

Pregnancy week 38

2011-03-07T08:14:00.000+08:00

I thought by this stage that I'd be feeling huge and totally over pregnancy, but to my surprise I'm not. I know my belly is really big, but it doesn't feel big and when I look down at it, it doesn't look big to me. When I look at myself side on I'm surprised at how big my belly actually is. I expected to feel like a beached whale by now but I don't. When I go out I'm surprised that people comment on my belly because I don't feel huge. That's a good thing I suppose.

This photo is of me when I was 37 weeks and 3 days pregnant, my belly has got bigger since then! It was really hot that day, which is why I'm looking so red and tired.

I'm not over being pregnant either. Sure, I'm a little uncomfortable, my feel are sore, bub pushes up under my ribs, I don't sleep very well, my back is sore and I have reflux, but I'm growing a baby inside me, so those things are just minor irritations. Plus, I know that they will all end soon. They just don't really worry me. Compared to what I went through when my crohn's was really bad, this is nothing, just a minor and temporary discomfort.

I went and got fitted for maternity bra's this week, to my great surprise I've gone up 3 cup sizes! Who knew my boobs would get so big.

Pregnancy week 37

2011-03-02T17:50:00.020+08:00

This week has been a lot easier but also rather interesting. The bub has dropped and I am so much more comfortable. It's amazing how much better I feel. I've woken up a few days and thought I wasn't pregnant any more so had to feel my belly and make sure it's still there. I also spent 2 nights in hospital, just got out today.

I went for my usual Dr's visit on Monday and my blood pressure was high. He took the reading 4 times and when it didn't settle down he told me I had to go to hospital. So off to hospital Tiger and I went. Tiger got a big worried, started to panic and took the wrong street, but once I pointed out that there was no rush and everything was fine he calmed down. The Dr said that they'd monitor my blood pressure and if it didn't go down I'd be induced as the risks to me and the bub weren't worth trying to keep bub in any longer.

When we got to the hospital they hooked me up to a fetal heart monitor and checked my blood pressure. Bub was perfectly happy with a strong heartbeat and my blood pressure was still high. During the night it started to go down and by around midnight it was back in a healthy range. They took blood and urine tests which were all fine, but kept me in for a second night just to be sure.

I spoke to the Dr this morning and he said that if my blood pressure is high when I see him next week he'll induce me as I'll be nearly 39 weeks by then.

We're picked up our new car today, Tiger was very excited about it. The car yard fitted the car seat but it doesn't look like it's fitted correctly as it moves around a lot, so I'm going to get it checked out.

I have a feeling that bub's arrival will be pretty soonl. I've been having constant braxton hicks contractions. They don't hurt at all but are very regular. I've also got a sore back and have been having stomach cramps, which I've been told are signs of the labour starting. My Dr also said that blood pressure going up and down can be another sign that labour is going to start soon. Tiger is starting to get so excited, he can't wait to meet his little son or daughter.

Pregnancy week 36

2011-02-24T06:08:00.001+08:00

In only a few weeks Tiger and I will be parents. It's such a surreal feeling. I will be so relieved when the bub is born healthy. I've worried throughout the whole pregnancy and it will be great once I know my bub is okay. I've tried not to worry too much, but I think it's natural to worry about things not being okay. I suppose also I know so many people who have had different problems that I'm more aware of what can go wrong. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

We see the Obstetrician every week now. I'm measuring bigger than I'm supposed to. At 27 weeks I was measuring 27cms however I've measured big ever since then. At 31 weeks I was measuring 33cms, 33 weeks I measured 36cms and at 35 weeks I measured 38cms. Now I'm measuring 39 cm's. The Dr isn't worried and thinks I'm going to have a normal sized baby, around 7 and 1/2 pounds. He says's the extra size is probably all the fluid I'm carrying because the growth chart that they gave me at my last ultrasound showed that the bub was growing exactly as expected. On all the charts the bub's growth was right in the middle range. Strangely, my stomach doesn't feel like it has fluid in it, I would have thought that if I had a lot of fluid in my belly it'd feel soft but it's still really hard.

The nursery is all set up and I've even made bub's bed. I'm slowly going through and washing all bub's clothes and linen, I'll have that finished by the end of the week and then we're all done and ready for bub.

Over the last few days my belly has started to drop and I'm starting to feel a lot more comfortable. I haven't been sleeping much at night, I'm waking up at 12pm, 2am and 4am, which will possibly be baby feeding times? I'm so glad that I'm on mat leave now, the last 2 days of last week were really difficult. I'm glad I worked as long as I did though.

Finishing work

2011-02-20T12:24:00.000+08:00

On Friday I finished work. I won't be going back until April next year and possibly never. I've always thought that finishing work would be a great feeling, but it wasn't. It was quite strange. I've been there for 13 and 1/2 years now and in that section for 11 years. The people there are part of my family. We've all grown and gone through so much together. We've been through break-up's, weddings, births, miscarriages, deaths, retirements, moving house and all sorts of things together. There have been times I've hated my job and times I've loved it. The past few months I've really enjoyed it, it's felt more like a social occasion rather than work, so leaving and knowing that I won't see my colleagues every day was kind of sad.

It's a relief to know that I don't have to get up for work anymore, it's been getting really difficult and the last 2 days were a huge struggle, so that side of it I'm glad about. I'm sure that once the bub arrives everything will change and I won't be able to imagine what my life used to be like before bub came along, but at the moment it feels strange.

I also feel a bit funny about Tiger being the sole breadwinner. He's always earned more than me and that's not a problem for either of us, we combine our finances and there's never been any issues or even discussions about who earns more, but I like knowing that I contribute to the finances. I feel like it's a huge burden for Tiger to have to carry. We haven't yet decided if I'll go back to work. I would rather not, however I might have to. It will depend on where Tiger is working. We are considering him working away and if he does I won't need to work. But working away when you have a family is a big sacrifice and it will all depend on how we feel about that once bub is here. I have a feeling that Tiger will be a doting father who won't want to be away from his child.

Pregnancy Week 35

2011-02-16T16:55:00.038+08:00

This week has been a struggle. It's been quite hot so my feet and ankles are huge. I'm amazed at how big they have actually gotten, they just keep growing and growing. It's got to the point now where walking is really painful.

I'm due to finish work on Friday but am wondering if I'll make it. I know it's only a day and a half but it's just so difficult now.

We've finally got our nursery set up and I'm starting to get excited. Tiger keeps on standing at the door of the nursery looking at it all with a big smile on his face, it's so cute. We bought a chest of drawers on Saturday and his parents got us the change table on Saturday too, so after Tiger finished work on Sunday we spent a few hours putting the nursery together. Now all I have to do is wash all the baby's clothes, bedding etc and we're pretty much ready to go. We still have a few small things to buy but we'll get them this weekend.

Monday Mum and Step Dad bought up the change table thingo. We got this change table from Ikea. My sister in law has the same one and doesn't need the change table part of it anymore (it converts to a book case), so we got hers. Unfortunately we're missing some of the connections that we need so have to go to Ikea and get them before we can attach the actual change table to the book case.

Other than my feet I'm feeling pretty good. Bub still moves around a lot, he rolls and wiggles and gets the hiccoughs all the time.

We had a bit of a panic on the weekend when we realised that my friend who will be in the birthing room with us is going on holidays from the 6th to the 13th of March, so might not be here when bub arrives. The two other friends we'd thought of having there won't be available around that time either, so we didn't know what we were going to do. It's really important to me that Tiger has someone there who can support him if he needs it. I know I'll be fine because I'll have him and the midwives, but I want to make sure that he has someone too. Then we thought of a friend (who we haven't seen for about 3 years). She's absolutely adorable, has 2 children and we're both really comfortable with her. So we asked her and she's happy to be there for us. Even better, she's a midwife!

I'm starting to feel like I'm just sitting around waiting for bub to arrive now. And I'm going to feel more like that once I finish work. I plan on just enjoying the time off and resting as much as I can before the sleepless nights start.

Pregnancy Week 34

2011-02-09T16:44:00.018+08:00

I'm getting more and more uncomfortable. My chunkles are huge, my belly is big and awkward and my back is sore. To add to that, I'm not sleeping very well. But, surprisingly, I still feel pretty good. It's not long now until we get to meet our little bubba.

This week we had our ante natal class. We decided to do it in one day as opposed to going 1 night per week for 5 weeks. It was a long day but worth doing. I hadn't realised before, but Tiger hasn't seen the hospital where we are going to have the bub. I made the decision regarding the hospital and Dr after discussing it with him, but never thought to show him the hospital, so it was good for him to find out where it is and have a look around. All of the staff there are lovely and I'm sure they will make sure we have a great birth experience. We both feel very comfortable in their hands.

We picked up the car seat and pram this week too, so now we only have to get the chest of drawers, a few clothes and pick up our last lay by and we're ready for bub. I'll be cleaning out the cupboard in bub's room this week and then we just need to get everything organised.

I'm starting to wonder if working another 2 weeks is a good idea. I'm getting more and more uncomfortable and not sleeping much. I'll just see how I go. If it's hot then I'm more comfortable at work because of the air-conditioning. Tiger would be happy if I finished now, but I want to work as long as I can so that we get paid for longer. I really don't want to have to go back to work after bub but I know that realistically I'll have to.

I learned at the ante natal classes that I've been having braxton hicks contractions. I thought that they'd be painful but mine are painless. The midwives explained that when my stomach goes really hard all over (which it does every day), those are braxton hicks.

My hospital bag is packed and ready to go. Tiger has his camera fully charged and in the car, I have a camera in my hospital bag and we both have camera's on our mobile phones, so we are guaranteed to have at least 1 working camera. It'd be awful if something went wrong with the camera and we couldn't get photo's of bub.

I also had my pre admission appointment with the hospital and that reassured me even more that we have picked the right place to have our little bub. I spoke to the midwife about my Crohn's and she agreed that the best option, in order to cause the least stress to my body, will be to have an epidural. I would like to avoid pain relief if at all possible, however I'm not going to be stupid about it. We can't risk me having a flare up after bub arrives, so in order to make sure I don't we need to make sure I have an easy, stress free birth and that will probably mean having an epidural.

Pregnancy Week 33

2011-02-02T11:44:00.010+08:00

This week has been tough. It's been really hot and I just don't cope with hot weather at the moment. My feet are huge and really sore. My belly is growing heaps so my back has been sore too. Other than that everything is fine. Bub moves around a lot. He doesn't kick much but moves all the time.

I'm still working. I spoke to the Dr and he said that as long as everything continues to go well I can work right up to my due date if I want to. I'd like to work up until 36 weeks. I'm starting to get tired already and Tiger doesn't want me to work anything past 36 weeks. That means I only have 2 and 1/2 weeks of work left. It's strange to think that I'll be finishing work soon and won't be back there for at least 12 months if not longer.

As strange as it may sound, I can't believe we are going to have a baby. It just doesn't seem real. I know that I have a bub growing inside me but I can't believe we are going to have a child soon. I wonder how we'll cope. I can't imagine us with a baby. I know that Tiger will make an amazing father but I just can't picture us with a baby.

We haven't made any more progress with the nursery and I'm getting anxious about that, but we just haven't had the time. We really, really need a chest of drawers. Once we get those then I'll be happy. We'll pick up our pram and car seat next week, but I really want to get the chest of drawers so that I can start organising the room. At the moment everything is just sitting in there waiting as I have nowhere to put everything.

Pregnancy Week 32

2011-01-26T08:50:00.017+08:00

Pregnancy wise this has been a big week. We saw the obstetrician who told us that everything is looking good and bub is happy. I now see the obstetrician every 2 weeks to check my progress. He weighed me and I've put on 16 kg's! I can't believe I've put on so much weight! I'm not concerned as the Dr says that is a normal weight gain, but I'm just wondering where it's all gone. Tiger and I think it's very funny that I'm now only 2kg's lighter than he is.

We also had an ultrasound to find out if I can have a natural birth or if I'll need a c-section. We got to see our bub again which was nice as our last ultrasound was at 19 weeks. Bub is looking good, my placenta has moved up heaps which means we can have a natural birth and bub is now head down getting ready to be born.

I am getting more and more uncomfortable but that's to be expected. I'm having a bad week sleep wise, but I figure it's all part of being pregnancy and it's only going to get worse when the bub arrives!

Tiger and I have put more baby things on layby and have nearly everything we need, Our only other major purchase will be a chest of drawers for the bub's room.

We've started making plans for the birth and talking about how we are going to handle things. We've decided that we won't tell anyone when we're in labour and have told our families that they will have to wait until the day after bub is born to visit. We know that if we didn't make that rule they'd be at the hospital as soon as they found out we were in labour, and we want time to bond with the bub before we have a crowd of people with us.

We've decided not to have Mum at the birth but have agreed that if I decide during labour that I want her there she will be there. I know Mum really wants to be there and I was worried about disappointing her, but after talking it over with Tiger and with my girlfriends who have children I realised that the birth experience is about Tiger and I so we need to do what is right for us and not what other people want us to do. Mum took it well when I discussed it with her, thankfully.

My feet are huge now, they are so swollen. I have cankles and piggy feet, or elephant feet as one of my friends put it. It gets a little frustrating at times as I only have 1 pair of thongs that I can wear. I don't really like having to wear thongs everywhere I go but I can't buy sandals as they need to be a few sizes to big to fit my swollen feet into. Plus as I've only got a few weeks to go it's not really worth it.

New Year, New Start

2011-01-21T11:45:00.008+08:00

Tiger has been a different man since we got married. I've been surprised and delighted with how he's changed. He's definitely the man of the house and is being really caring and considerate. He's also been amazing around the house.

Our house has been a total mess since we moved in here nearly 4 years ago. We moved in April 2007 and I was diagnosed with Crohn's in July 2007. When we moved in I was really sick so couldn't do much. Tiger didn't help with any of the unpacking (not even his clothes) and as I was too sick to do it a lot of our stuff was still in boxes 12 months later. The stuff that I did unpack just got thrown in where ever I could fit it. Since then I haven't been well enough to get things sorted out, so you can imagine how horrible the house has been. Now that I'm at a stage where I am well enough to sort things out I haven't bothered as Tiger is so lazy around the house that I don't bother trying to tidy up because it's just too much for me to deal with on my own.

With the baby coming things had to change. We have 2 spare rooms and they were both full of junk. Tiger spent 2 whole days cleaning out both of the spare rooms and our storage shed (which was also a huge mess). He also cleaned up our dining room table and has been progressively cleaning and tidying up the house. Prior to this he was really messy and his stuff was all over the place. At the start I used to tidy it up, but after a while I got sick of having to tidy his mess so I left it.

Once he got started cleaning he realised how horrible the house had been and how dirty it's gotten and also that there is way too much cleaning/maintenance for me to be able to do on my own. Finally! Tiger has become a bit of a cleaning nazi lately, which is really funny considering what he used to be like, but I'm not complaining. We are slowly but surely getting our house organised and clean and it's starting to feel like a home should, safe, comfortable and like a sancturary. The weekend just past we got all our paperwork sorted out. It used to sit in a huge box under the kitchen bench, now it's all organised and sits in 2 neat drawers under the bench. This weekend we're either tackling the back courtyard or the pantry, depending on how hot it is.

All the little things make such a big difference. For instance, in both our showers we had horrible old, rusty shower organisers. We've replaced them with white organiser and it makes our showers look so much neater. Plus, the ones that we bought are bigger so instead of having products on the floor in the shower they are now all neatly organised.

It's been so refreshing finally getting our house organised, it makes coming home feel so much nicer and I feel like I can finally relax in our home instead of looking around at all the things I need to fix.

Pregnancy week 31

2011-01-19T17:24:00.006+08:00

There are potentially only 9 weeks until our baby arrives, although it could be more or less than that. My belly is growing really quickly now, Tiger says that every time he sees me my belly is bigger.

Things are starting to get tougher as I get more and more uncomfortable. Tiger asked me if I'm sick of being pregnant but I'm not. Although I'm uncomfortable, have really swollen feet and hands, have trouble sleeping and feel tired all the time, I'm still happy to be pregnant. I'm growing our baby and that's a wonderful and amazing thing. Yes, I may be uncomfortable but it's only temporary. In 9 weeks time we'll have our baby and it will all have been worth it. Plus, I know there is an end in sight. When my Crohn's was really bad there was no end in sight, I didn't know how long I'd be sick for or if I would ever get better. Compared to that, this is easy.

I've started to think about the birth and how I'll cope. I'm not particularly worried at this stage, I'm more concerned about how I'll cope with the lack of sleep once the bub gets here, and am very concerned about having a flare up. Tiger will be in the middle of a shut down when bub arrives, and whilst he could take time off work, with the amount of money he'll be earning we're thinking that it's probably best for him not to take much time off and make the extra $$ whilst he can. Thankfully both of our Mum's can help out, so if we need them they will stay with us for as long as necessary.

The nursery is coming together. We have lots of toys, 2 boxes of nappies, a little bit of skin care, 2 prams, 2 baby seats, a moses basket, a cot and a few clothes.

The Dr weighed me this week, I've put on 16 kg's so far and am only 2 kg's lighter that Tiger. I'm amazed that I can weigh so much, although thankfully it doesn't bother me. I know it's all to do with the bub so I'm not fussed about it. When we saw how much I weigh Tiger and I both though it was hilarious.

Tiger's best mate's wife had a baby this week, without any pain relief. When he spoke to Tiger he sounded really traumatised and said that his wife will never be going through that again as it was hell. That really freaked Tiger out, he's so worried about the birth putting a lot of stress on my body and causing me to have a flare up. We've been talking about it though and we're going to speak to the midwives and our Dr about it to make sure that the birth is as stress free as possible (although I'm not sure if that is possible).

Our wedding

2011-01-16T09:16:00.001+08:00

After many stops and starts and a few hitches along the way, our wedding day turned our perfectly. We both wanted something low key so we got married on the foreshore at the beach and had the reception across the road at a penthouse. It was a cocktail reception so we had finger food, no set tables and people could mingle as they wanted to.

We did nearly everything ourselves and it was a really community effort. Mum and my friend Hellen did the flowers, the celebrant, make-up artist, photographer, videographer and hairdresser were all friends who gave us their services as a wedding gift. To us these were extremely generous gifts that saved us a lot of money and made our day feel really special.

Tiger organised 90% of the wedding, which was great because at that stage I just couldn't cope with having to organise anything due to my pregnancy hormones. I was going through a hormonal stage, which apparently is quite normal around 5 to 6 months. My aunty says she remembers calling her mum in tears when she was 5 and 1/2 months pregnant and trying to help arrange my mum's wedding.

One of the great things about a man organising a wedding is that people feel sorry for them and so we got some great discounts and a lot of help. Tiger organised the majority of the wedding in a day. He had the day off work sick due to a shoulder injury and spent the whole day on the phone. Thankfully we didn't have a whole lot that needed organising. Tiger found a caterer, rented glasses, booked the lawn space at the beach, organised the photographer and that was about it.

The caterers we used were Chica Catering. If you need a caterer I can't recommend them highly enough. Damian and his staff are lovely, they are very reasonably priced and the food was amazing. Most other quotes we got were double the price that Chica charged and the food wasn't as good as what we got from Chica.

When the day came I was worried that Tiger would be stressed from trying to do everything, because he had to set up the room. Turns out he was stressed, but it kept him from getting nervous so it was good that he had something to do.

I had planned on arriving on time, however I ended up being 15 minutes late due to a last minute dress issue. You could see my bra strap at the back so I had to be taped into my dress, which took ages.

Being pregnant I was really worried that I'd be overly emotional during the ceremony, but thankfully I wasn't. Tiger was the emotional one, but he managed to hold it together. Poor guy was wondering if I was going to turn up as I was late, so was very relieved when I arrived.

I had a wild bouquet as part of the ceremony. If, like me, you've never heard of it before, this is how it works. I walked in with a small bouquet of flowers and as I walked down the aisle the wedding guests gave me flowers (that Mum had given to them earlier), to make up my bouquet. Qhen I got to Tiger, I gave the bouquet to Mum and she tied it together with ribbon and then gave it back to me. This was to symbolise the part that our friends and family have played in our relationship and that it is them who have helped get us to where we are today.

I'm really happy with how the ceremony went, even when Tiger called me his "awfully wedded wife". His best man says that this now gives me permission to be awful, hahahaha. When I said my vows I took him to be my "nice wedded husband". It was very funny and helped to lighten things up.

Once the ceremony was over we had some photo's done and went to the reception. That part is a blur. I spent about 5 minutes talk to each person and that was it. By 10pm we were both exhausted and wanted to go to bed, so at 10.30pm the best man kicked everyone out so we could relax.

And that was it. We had a beautiful day and I'm so glad that we finally did it. I didn't have any last minute doubts like I thought that I would have, which was great. I'm also glad that I was pregnant when we got married as we can show our bub that he/she was at the wedding.