Abundance Blog at Marelisa Online

10 Tips for Increasing Your Self-Esteem From Earl Nightingale

Marelisa — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 18:07:55 +0000

Earl Nightingale was one of the pioneers in the human potential movement. In fact, he was so influential that many called him “the Dean of Personal Development”. One of the topics that Nightingale spoke of often was self-esteem, and how your opinion of yourself will determine, to a large extent, whether you fail or succeed in life.

In this post you’ll discover ten self-esteem tips from Nightingale that will help you to succeed in life.

Know that Nothing Happens by Chance. A person is alive because they were meant to live, and they have talents and abilities that are uniquely their own. Their job as a person is to get to know themselves; if they do so they will recognize that there are things that they cannot do as well as others, but there are also things that they can do well. Every human being on earth is a potpourri of strengths and weaknesses. A person can increase their self-confidence by concentrating on their strengths, and just being themselves.

If You Don’t Like the Film That’s Playing, Change It. Imagine that you’re sitting in a theater in front of a closed curtain which is hiding a blank screen behind it. You’re waiting for the feature film to begin. The film that you’re about to watch is about the most fascinating person on earth: you.

This theater is in your own mind. You’re the producer, director, writer, and actor (or actress) of the film that is your life. In addition, you’re both the hero and the villain. The story unfolding upon this inner screen is being invented by you. Think of the following:

Will the story have a happy ending?
Is the story full of happiness and success?
Is the story full of sorrow and failure?

If the story isn’t going as you would like it to, you can change it as it unfolds. You choose if you’d like to make it a success story, and a heart-warming tale that will enrich the lives of others. You can also make it a drab tale; a chronicle of boredom. Recognize that it’s up to you; it all depends on the images that you project onto the screen that’s in your head.

Change Your Conception of Yourself. Your self-image is your conception of the sort of person that you are. It’s the product of the following:

Your past experiences.
Your successes and failures.
Your humiliations and triumphs.
The way other people react to you, especially in early childhood.

From these factors, you build up a picture of yourself which you believe is true. The picture may be false, but as long as it’s the conception that you hold of yourself, you’ll act as if it were true. Therefore, for all intents and purposes, it is true. If you have a positive self-image, then that’s fine; however, if it needs some improvement, know that you can change it for the better.

Remove Your Self-Imposed Limits. Our thoughts, our habits, and our abilities are those of the person we believe ourselves to be. We can’t surpass the limits of our current self-image.

There’s a story of a Wisconsin farmer who was walking through his pumpkin patch when his crop of pumpkins was just beginning to grow. Someone had discarded a glass jug in the field, and the farmer picked it up. As an experiment, the farmer poked a very small pumpkin through the mouth of the jug, being careful not to break the vine. Then he placed his experiment on the ground and walked away.

Months later, harvest time came and the farmer saw the jug again. The pumpkin had completely filled the jar; however, having no more room, it had stopped growing. The farmer broke the jar and held in his hands a runt pumpkin: it was less than half the size of the other pumpkins, and exactly the shape of the glass jar it had been imprisoned in.

Your self-image is like the glass jug: it determines who you become. It may be that your self-image is inadequate for the full realization of your potential. However, unlike the pumpkin, you can remove your self-imposed limitations. All you need to do is to enlarge your self-image.

Enlarge Your Self-Image Through Experience. You’ve formed a mental picture of yourself through experience, and you can change that mental picture the same way – through experience. If the actual experience that you need in order to expand your self-image is not available to you, you can create that experience synthetically.

The human nervous system is incapable of distinguishing between an actual experience, and the same experience imagined vividly and in complete detail. Worry is a good example of this. When a person worries about something they project themselves, mentally and emotionally, into a situation that hasn’t even occurred. For example, if a person is constantly worrying about failing, they’re going to experience the same reactions that accompany actual failure. These will include the following:

They’re going to experience feelings of anxiety, inadequacy, and humiliation.
Eventually, they’ll even experience the physical symptoms that accompany these negative emotions, such as headaches and an upset stomach.

After all, as far as their mind and body are concerned, they’ve failed. If this person continues concentrating on failure they will upset themselves to the extent that they will fail. Worry is a negative use of creative imagination; it’s a negative synthetic experience.

Just as imagination can be used destructively, it can also be used constructively. By visualizing success, instead of failure, a person can develop confidence, poise, and a feeling of well-being. A person can expand their self-image by synthetically experiencing success. Practice holding the self-image of the person you most want to become. Use your spare moments to concentrate on your goals and the success that you seek.

Forgive Yourself. See yourself with kind eyes. Try to forget all the idiotic things you’ve done: the pain you’ve caused others, the embarrassments you’ve suffered, and the mistakes you’ve made in the past. Wipe the slate clean.

Keep Up With Yourself. Don’t worry about what others are doing, or what others have done. Keep your own pace and recognize that it’s different from the pace of others. Your pace is faster than the pace of some people, and it’s slower than the pace of others. Don’t feel guilty if you’re moving ahead of your contemporaries, and don’t feel bad if you’re further back. The only person you need to keep up with is yourself. Live your own life and don’t be concerned about how others are living theirs.

Know That Every Person Is Different. Since every person is different, there’s no standard against which to judge yourself. Therefore, you can’t have either a superiority, or an inferiority complex. You’re not inferior or superior; you’re simply you.

Begin to Appreciate Other People More. Show respect to others and treat them as the unique individuals that they are. When you treat others as valuable human beings, your own self-esteem goes up. Treating others well makes you realize that your self-esteem is not derived from the things you’ve done or the things you own, but from an appreciation of yourself for who you are.

Act Toward People Instead of Reacting To Them. A man was once walking along with a friend and they stopped at a newsstand. The friend bought a paper, and thanked the vendor politely. The vendor didn’t even acknowledge it. The man said to his friend, “Sullen fellow, isn’t he?” And the friend responded, “Oh, he’s like that every night.” When the man asked his friend why he continued to be so polite to the vendor, the friend responded that he decided how he acted; it was not up to the vendor. He added that he acts toward people, he doesn’t react to them.

You can increase your self-esteem by developing a sense of inner balance; know who you are, what you stand for, and how you want to behave. Then, don’t allow others to disturb the equilibrium of your nature. Always remain in control of your own conduct, instead of being a mere responder to others. No one is unhappier than the perpetual re-actor: his center of emotional gravity is not rooted within himself, where it belongs, but in the world outside of him.

Stop being at the mercy of your environment! People who are re-actors respond as follows:

Praise gives them a feeling of euphoria. Then the feeling of euphoria falls, because it doesn’t come from self-approval.
Criticism depresses them because it confirms the shaky opinion that they have of themselves.
Snubs hurt them.

Increase your self-esteem by becoming the master of your own actions and attitudes. Don’t allow others to determine whether you’ll be rude or gracious, elated or depressed. To be constantly reacting to others is to relinquish control of your own personality; it’s to acknowledge your own inferiority by allowing the actions of others to dominate you.

Conclusion

I found the self-esteem tips from Earl Nightingale above in this video. I think they’re fantastic, so I decided to share them with you. The video contains much more information; if you want even more tips on how to increase your self-esteem, watch the whole video.

(“I’m Smart” is courtesy of stevendepolo)

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“How to Be More Creative – A Handbook for Alchemists” explains that creativity is not the sole domain of the arts but is important in any field. Whatever you do, creativity helps you do it better. Discover practical advice on how to be more creative in every life endeavor by reading my ebook.

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Strengthen Your Happiness Muscles With These 4 Happiness Exercises

Marelisa — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 20:52:29 +0000

Happiness isn’t something that just happens; you have to work at it. Think of happiness as a muscle. If you don’t take steps in order to strengthen that muscle, it’s going to get weak and flabby. However, if you give your happiness muscles a good workout, they’ll progressively get stronger and stronger. Below you’ll discover four exercises to strengthen your happiness muscles, so that you can increase your happiness levels.

Spot the Dots

Paul McKenna is someone I’ve already written about in this blog post. He’s an English hypnotist who has written several popular self-help books, including one titled “I Can Make You Happy”. The first happiness exercise that I’m going to share with you comes from this book, and it’s called “Spot the Dots”. Do the following:

Get yourself some sticky colored dots.
Take twelve of the dots and place them around your home–and office–where you’ll be sure to see them often as you go about your day. For example, you could stick one on your bathroom mirror, one on the fridge, and one on your alarm clock.
Make a list of three happy memories, three people you love, and three things that could make you happy in the future.
Take a moment to sit down and think of each item. Construct a vivid image of each one in your mind. For each memory, feel everything that happened as if you were reliving it all over again. For each person, remember being with them, the sound of their voice, what they look like, and how you feel when you’re with them. For each situation in the future, imagine it happening — allow yourself to imagine what the situation is going to look, sound, and feel like.
Now, whenever you see a colored dot, think of one of the items on your list.

Healing Your Younger Self

This exercise is also from “I Can Make You Happy”. Many of us are walking around with wounds from the past which are interfering with our ability to be happy in the present. This exercise is meant to help heal those wounds. Do the following:

Remember a time in the past when you were struggling or unhappy; it can be as far back as you like.
Picture the scene as a black and white film.
Now, stop the action at the point at which your younger self is feeling really bad.
At that moment, float into the scene and speak directly to your younger self.
Tell your younger self that you’re from the future, and that everything is going to be fine.
Tell your younger self how much you love and value them.
Help your younger self to re-interpret the situation by using the added wisdom that you now have as an adult, which your younger self did not have. Say what you can to help your younger self feel better.
Now reach out and hug your younger self. Hold them until you get the sense that your younger self feels loved and accepted.

Discover and Use Your Top Strengths

The field of Positive Psychology has developed many incredibly helpful exercises to help people increase their happiness levels. Positive psychologists explain that one of the best ways to increase your levels of happiness is by identifying your strengths and then using those strengths as often as you can. That is, throughout your day, find unique ways to apply your strengths.

You can identify your strengths by asking yourself the following: “What do I do well?” If you want to use a more systematic approach, you can use the VIA Classification of Character Strengths (the VIA Institute on Character is a non-profit organization that explores what is best about human beings). They’ve identified the following 24 strengths:

A. Wisdom and Knowledge: Cognitive strengths that entail the acquisition and use of knowledge. This includes the following:

Creativity
Curiosity
Active Open-Mindedness
Love of Learning
Perspective

B. Courage: Emotional strengths that involve the exercise of will to accomplish goals in the face of opposition (whether internal or external). This includes the following:

Bravery
Industry
Honesty
Vitality

C. Love: Interpersonal strengths that involve tending and befriending others. This includes the following:

Intimate Attachment
Kindness
Hot Intelligence

D. Justice: Civic strengths that underlie healthy community life. This includes the following:

Citizenship and Teamwork
Fairness
Leadership

F. Temperance: Strengths that protect against excess. This includes the following:

Forgiveness and Mercy
Modesty and Humility
Prudence
Regulation of Oneself

G. Transcendence: Strengths that forge connections to the larger universe and provide meaning. This includes the following:

Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence
Gratitude
Hope
Playfulness and Humor
Spirituality

You can read more about each of the strengths above by going here. In addition, VIA offers a free survey that will help you to identify your character strengths. You can take the survey by going here (you need to register).

If you want help finding ways to apply your strengths, read the free online publication “340 Ways to Use Your Signature Strengths” by Tayyab Rashid, PhD. Here are two examples from that publication:

1. If one of your strengths is curiosity, look for ways to do the following:

Eat food of a different culture and explore its cultural context on a regular basis.
Look for jobs in which you’re charged with looking for new information daily.
Choose an area that interests you and expand your knowledge in that area three times a week by reading books and magazines, attending lectures, conducting research online, and so on.

2. If one of your strengths is bravery, take action such as the following:

Report an injustice or an abuse of power.
Stand up for someone.
Take small, practical steps for a constructive social change.

Flip Your Script

Dan Baker, PhD, is the author of the book “What Happy People Know”. He explains that the way in which you view daily events can profoundly affect your mood. Baker explains that everyone experiences situations such as the following:

Getting caught in the rain.
Having a computer malfunction.
Losing the car keys.

The difference between happy and unhappy people is how they choose to characterize these situations. Is it a disaster, or is it an inconvenience? Is it a pervasive problem, or is it a temporary setback? Is everything about the situation negative, or is there a silver lining? Baker’s “flip your script” exercise will help you to start interpreting negative events as a happy person would. Do the following:

Pretend that you’re writing a report for work about the event that transpired.
Then, write the report again, but this time, flip it. That is, without changing the facts, give a positive spin to the events that took place.
Lastly, ask yourself which of the two versions you would rather tell at a cocktail party. Would you rather tell the story in which you’re complaining about your life, or the version that makes you sound like you have an interesting life and that you make the most of whatever situation you find yourself in?

You’re the one telling yourself–and others–the story of your life. So make it a good one.

Conclusion

Do any of the happiness exercises above resonate with you? If so, try it. As you strengthen your happiness muscles with these exercises, your happiness levels will increase. If you know of any other happiness exercises, please share then in the comments section below.

(I Love October is courtesy of Pink Sherbert Photography)

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Increase Your Happiness With a Solution-Focused Mindset

Marelisa — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 20:50:36 +0000

Whenever you have a problem, there are two approaches that you can take: You can focus on the problem, or you can focus on trying to find a solution to the problem.

Most people have a tendency to focus on the problem. That is, they focus on trying to understand why they’re having a particular problem by asking questions such as, “Why is this happening?”, or “What’s wrong with me?” In addition, their focus is on the past, and on what took place back then, which led to the problem that they’re having now. In other words, they focus on the origin of the problem. This can be referred to as having a problem-focused mindset.

People with a problem-focused mindset have a tendency to become attached to their problem, and to make the problem part of their identity. For example, they might say, “I’m a procrastinator”, “I’m anxious”, or “I’m an angry person”. The last thing to note about having a problem-focused mindset is that problem talk is negative.

A person with a solution-focused mindset says the following: “This is the problem that I’m having, now how do I solve it?” In other words, the focus is not on analyzing the problem, but on looking for ways to solve the problem. In addition, the focus is not on the past, but on the future. That is, they decide what they want the future to be like, and that ideal future becomes their goal. They shift their attention from the problem, to the kind of life that they want to be living.

People with a solution-focused mindset don’t make their problems part of their identity. They say things such as the following:

“I have a habit of procrastinating, and I want to drop that habit and adopt a habit of getting things done.”
“Anxiety arises in me, and I need to find a way to release that anxiety.”
“I need to look for ways to express my anger productively”.

In addition, they know that by broadening their range of behavior and taking small, constant steps, they’ll be able to solve the problem.

Another important aspect of having a solution-focused mindset is that people with this mindset ask themselves what they’re already doing right in the present, and then they make a commitment to do more of that in the future. Bringing what they’re already doing right to their awareness is empowering. As you can see, solution talk is positive.

There’s much more on how to create a solution-focused mindset below.

The Basic Tenets of a Solution-Mindset

The basic tenets of a solution-mindset are the following:

If it works, do more of it.
If it’s not working, do something different.
Small steps can lead to big changes.
No problem happens all the time; there are exceptions to every problem, and those exceptions can be utilized to create the solution.
You are not locked into a set of behaviors based on history.
See yourself as someone who is competent and capable of change.
Decide what your ideal future looks like by using “The Miracle Question” (which is explained below).
Determine what you’re already doing right that you can do more of.
Determine what you can start doing differently in order to move in the right direction—that is, give yourself a small task, or an experiment to try.
Determine how you will know when your problem has been solved (what will things look like or feel like, and what will be different when this problem has been solved).

Ask Yourself “The Miracle Question”

Start by asking yourself “The Miracle Question” in order to identify your preferred future. Here’s “The Miracle Question”:

“Suppose that you read this article, and then you go on with the rest of your day. At night, you go to bed. In the middle of the night, when you’re fast asleep, a miracle happens and the problem that you’re having is solved, just like that. But since the miracle happened overnight, you don’t know that the miracle happened. When you wake up the next morning, how are you going to know that the miracle happened?”

Go ahead and think of your problem, and then ask yourself “The Miracle Question”. As an example, let’s suppose that your problem is that your seven year-old child keeps misbehaving. When you ask yourself “The Miracle Question”, you could answer that you would know that a miracle had taken place during the night if you noticed the following the next day (be as specific as you can):

“I’d know that a miracle had taken place if my child gets out of bed when I go into his room in the morning to wake him up, instead of making a fuss and refusing to get up. In addition, he would dress himself, eat his breakfast, and catch the bus on time.”
“I’d know because my child would play well with his brother, instead of hitting him and refusing to share his toys.”
“I’d know because I’d stop getting calls from his school principal complaining that he’s misbehaving again.”

Based on those responses, you now know what your preferred future looks like, and you can set clear, attainable goals based on that preferred future.

Concentrate on What’s Going Well That You Can Do More Of

One of the most important aspects of having a solution mindset is that you look for things that you’re already doing right—or things that are already going well–regarding your problem. Ask yourself questions such as the following:

What’s different about the times when this is less of a problem?
Are there times when the problem could occur, but does not?
Has there ever been a time when I didn’t have this problem?
When was the last time that this was not a problem? What was that like? What was I doing differently then?
What am I thinking or doing differently during those times?
When have I been able to stop doing . . . ?

As an illustration, going back to our example of having a seven-year old child who misbehaves, you could ask yourself whether there are times when your child plays well with his younger brother. If so, what’s different about those times? In addition, you could ask your child’s school principal if there’s a class in which your child behaves better than he does in his other classes. If there is, then ask the teacher of that class what she does, and then see if you can get the other teachers to replicate that behavior.

In the book “Switch – How to Change Things When Change Is Hard”, the authors make reference to a child who came from the foster care system, and who regularly misbehaved at school. In fact, he was about to be expelled. However, there was one class in which he usually behaved himself. When the teacher of that class was asked what she did differently, here’s what she said:

I greet him at the door of the class.
When I give out assignments, I give him one that’s a bit easier than the assignment that I give the rest of the class (the child had a learning disability).
When I give the kids instructions on how to complete an assignment, I walk up to him afterwards and make sure that he understood the instructions.

The rest of the teachers were asked to replicate these actions, and the child’s behavior at school improved dramatically.

Notice the difference between having a problem-mindset and having a solution-mindset. With a problem-mindset you look for the reasons why your child is misbehaving. In addition, you focus on what he’s doing wrong—such as losing his patience with his little brother—and you try to get him to do less of that. With a solution-mindset you look for those times when your child behaves well, and then you look for ways to recapture how he was able to do that.

This approach applies to everything:

If you’re currently working too hard and you’ve lost a sense of balance in your life, think of a time when you felt like your life was well-balanced. How were you able to achieve this balance?

If you keep procrastinating on your work projects, think of a time when you were assigned a project and you got started right away, instead of procrastinating. How did you do it? If you can’t think of a time when you weren’t procrastinating at work, then think of a different area of your life in which you don’t procrastinate. What lessons can you learn from how you handle those other areas of your life that you can apply to your work so that you stop procrastinating on your projects?

If you’re having marital problems, think of those times in which you do get along well with your spouse and you behave lovingly toward each other. What’s different about those times? If you can’t think of an example in the present, think back to a time when your marriage was working, or when you were dating. How did you relate to each other then? If you still can’t think of examples of you and your spouse getting along, think of a relationship in your life that is working well—for example, your relationship with your sister or a colleague at work—and ask yourself what you do in those relationships that works well, that you could replicate in your marriage.

If you’re having trouble falling asleep at night, ask yourself when was the last time you were able to fall asleep quickly. What were you doing? Is there some routine activity that makes you drowsy? If so, the next time that you’re lying in bed and you can’t fall asleep, get up and go do the routine activity that makes you sleepy.

What Else Could You Do?

Focusing on what you’re already doing well—and giving yourself tasks to make sure that you continue to do more of what’s working—is a great start. In addition, ask yourself what else you could do, on a very small scale, during the next week to help move you even closer to your ideal future. Treat it as an experiment. If you discover that it works, keep doing it. If it doesn’t work, then discard it and try something else.

Rate Your Progress on a 1 to 10 Scale

You’re going to rate your progress by using a “1” to “10” scale, where “10” is the point at which you’ve reached the goals that you set by asking yourself “The Miracle Question”. Every week, ask yourself “What’s better?” and “What’s changed?”(You can even keep a daily log documenting what goes right each day). Then, each week, rate yourself. Lastly, ask yourself what would have to happen so that the next week you can grade yourself one step higher on the scale.

For example, if you rate yourself as being at “2” on the scale, ask yourself what would have to happen so that you can rate yourself at “3” the next week. Then identify the concrete steps that you’re going to take—during the upcoming week–in order to move up to number “3” on the scale. Continue in this way until you can give yourself a “10”.

Look for Hidden Resources

You have a lot more resources than you give yourself credit for. For example, if you identify your problem as an inability to make decisions, stop for a moment and think of all the decisions that you make during the course of the day. Even something as mundane as deciding what movie to go see requires decision-making.

Conclusion

To summarize, someone with a solution-mindset does the following:

They know that the future can be different, and that they have the ability to change.
Instead of thinking about what they don’t want, they think about what they do want.
Instead of focusing on what’s going wrong, they focus on what’s going right.
They ask themselves how they can make progress, instead of telling themselves that they’re stuck.
They realize that the solution, or part of it, is already happening. They just have to highlight those times when they’re doing things right, and then resolve to do more of that.
They keep reminding themselves that they have more resources than they think they have.
They see their future as being filled with possibilities, instead of being filled with trouble.

Increase your happiness by switching from a problem-mindset to a solution mindset.

(Creating Her Own Way is courtersy of HikingArtist.com)

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Writing Tips: Stop Waiting for Your Muse and Get to Work

Marelisa — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 18:17:31 +0000

A while ago Elizabeth Gilbert—author of the runaway bestseller “Eat, Pray, Love”—gave a TED.com talk in which she describes how American poet Ruth Stone found inspiration for her poetry. Stone explained to Gilbert that growing up in rural Virginia, she would be working in the fields when, suddenly, she would hear a poem coming at her from over the landscape.

Stone would then begin to run as fast as she could toward the house in order to grab a pen and a piece of paper. As she ran, the poem would chase after her. If Rose wasn’t fast enough getting to the house, the poem would pass by her and go off in search of another poet. However, if she got to the house fast enough, as the poem thundered through her she would get it all down on paper.

What’s described above is the “waiting for inspiration” or “waiting for your muse” theory of creativity. However, most of us will never have a poem, a short story, or a novel chasing after us (not even a bad haiku). Therefore, in order to create, we need to get to work, whether we feel inspired or not. As Picasso was fond of saying, inspiration does exist, but it has to find you working. Here, then, is a collection of tips, from writers, on creativity not as inspiration, but as work.

”To be a writer is to sit down at one’s desk in the chill portion of every day, and to write; not waiting for the little jet of the blue flame of genius to start from the breastbone—just plain going at it.” – John Hersey

“People on the outside think there‘s something magical about writing, that you go up in the attic at midnight and cast the bones and come down in the morning with a story, but it isn’t like that. You sit in back of the typewriter and you work, and that‘s all there is to it.” – Harlan Ellison

”The art of writing is the art of applying the seat of the pants to the seat of the chair.” — Mary Heaton Vorse

”I tried, not always successfully, to start each day with some discrete goal I wanted to accomplish: write 200 words, or get through a certain amount of research, or conduct two interviews, or whatever. If I set out to spend a day ‘writing’, that would be so overwhelming I’d end up just farting around online all day instead of starting to climb the mountain.” – Seth Mnookin

“To the young writers, I would merely say, ‘Try to develop actual work habits, and even though you have a busy life, try to reserve an hour say—or more—a day to write.’ Some very good things have been written on an hour a day. . . . So, take it seriously, you know, just set a quota.” – John Updike

”I worked in the Hallmark public relations department for a man named Conrad Knickerbocker, the public relations manager, who had already begun publishing book reviews and fiction. After I got to know Knick a little, I asked him timidly how you become a writer. . . . He said, ‘Rhodes, you apply ass to chair’. I call that solid gold advice the Knickerbocker Rule.” – Richard Rhodes

“I set myself 600 words a day as a minimum output, regardless of the weather, my state of mind or if I’m sick or well.” – Arthur Hailey

”All through my career I’ve written 1,000 words a day–even if I’ve got a hangover. You’ve got to discipline yourself if you’re professional. There’s no other way.” – J.G. Ballard

”Serious writers write, inspired or not. Over time they discover that routine is a better friend to them than inspiration.” – Ralph Keyes

”Find your best time of the day for writing and write. Don’t let anything else interfere. Afterwards it won’t matter to you that the kitchen is a mess.” – Esther Freud

”Over the years, I‘ve found one rule. It is the only one I give on those occasions when I talk about writing. A simple rule. If you tell yourself you are going to be at your desk tomorrow, you are by that declaration asking your unconscious to prepare the material. You are, in effect, contracting to pick up such valuables at a given time. Count on me, you are saying to a few forces below: I will be there to write.” – Norman Mailer

”It is by sitting down to write every morning that one becomes a writer.” – Gerald Brenan

“Write a little bit every day. It’s too easy to say ‘I’ll write when I’m inspired.’ Writing is like exercising: the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Thinking about your story doesn’t count. Try to write at least 1 page. If–the next day–you decide you hate it, you can always tear it up and start over.” – Vivian Vande Velde

“Treat writing as a job. Be disciplined. Lots of writers get a bit OCD-ish about this. Graham Greene famously wrote 500 words a day. Jean Plaidy managed 5,000 before lunch, then spent the afternoon answering fan mail. My minimum is 1,000 words a day – which is sometimes easy to achieve, and is sometimes, frankly, like shitting a brick, but I will make myself stay at my desk until I’ve got there, because I know that by doing that I am inching the book forward. Those 1,000 words might well be rubbish – they often are. But then, it is always easier to return to rubbish words at a later date and make them better.” – Sarah Waters

“There’s no ‘magic secret’; writing is like everything else; ten percent inspiration or talent, and ninety percent hard work. Persistence; keeping at it till you get there. As Agnes de Mille said, it means working every day—bored, tired, weary, or with a fever of a hundred and two.” – Marion Zimmer Bradley

”The best advice I was ever given about writing is, simply, WRITE! Anywhere, anyplace, anyhow. A room of one’s own is all very well but in this day and age writing has to be a movable feast. In the kitchen, in the bedroom, in the living room, in the car, in the park, in the crowded cafe – wherever and whenever you can throw your laptop down and shut out the world for half an hour.” – Evelyn Cosgrave

“Writing is like training to be an athlete. There is a lot of training and work that nobody sees in order to compete. The writer needs to write every day, just as the athlete needs to train. Much of the writing will never be used, but it is essential to do it.” – Isabel Allende

Conclusion

Stop waiting to be inspired. Instead, pick up a pen and paper, and get to work. For more great writing tips, take a look at my ebook “250 Tips for Writers, From Writers”. In addition, you’ll find lots of tools and techniques to make your creativity skyrocket in “How to Be More Creative – A Handbook for Alchemists”.

(Grandpa Thomas’ Ink is courtesy of Luigi Crespo Photography)

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The Tao of Abundance

Marelisa — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 22:00:05 +0000

In his book, “The Tao of Abundance”, author and Eastern philosopher Laurence Boldt urges everyone to explore how much of their life is being dictated by a misdirected desire to gain peace of mind through acquiring material wealth. He explains that money is, of course, a factor in our experience of abundance. However, the true expression of abundance is much more than material wealth.

Ask yourself if you’re lacking in the following:

Do you lack the time to just be and relax, to learn and grow, and to be with friends and family?
Do you feel a lack of ease? Are you under constant stress and pressure? Do you feel like you’re always struggling?
Do you lack purpose or a sense of direction in your life?
Do you lack peace of mind? Do you feel frustrated, restless, and dissatisfied?
Do you have a vague sense that something is missing?
Do you feel a lack of physical, mental, or emotional energy?
Do you feel that you’re not fully expressing the love, talent, and creativity that you know lies within?

If you want to create a sense of real abundance in your life, addressing the lacks above is every bit as important as addressing a lack of dollars or material goods. In fact, the pursuit of money can often interfere with fulfilling needs such as having enough leisure time, having a sense of purpose, and feeling at ease.

Boldt explains that when it comes to money, there are two important questions that you should ask yourself:

How much do I need?
How much is it going to cost me to get it?

That is, when you’re thinking of how much money you need in order to feel secure and to live comfortably, keep asking yourself how much it’s going to cost you to get that money. It’s important to keep in mind that even if you start making more money, your sense of abundance could diminish if you start to lose touch with non-material sources of abundance.

Take a look at the following:

Money should not cost you your soul.
Money should not cost you your relationships.
Money should not cost you your dignity.
Money should not cost you your health.
Money should not cost you your intelligence.
Money should not cost you your joy.

If making more money is costing you you’re happiness, then it’s having a negative impact on your abundance. To quote Boldt: “In a life of getting and spending . . . we miss the wonder and bliss of what it is to be alive.”

Following the principles of Taoism, below you’ll discover four ways of bringing more abundance into your life.

Regain a Sense of Mystery and Wonder

When people feel a sense of lack in their lives, they tend to think that it’s because there’s some material comfort that’s missing. That is, they think that they feel lack because they don’t have a summer house by the lake, or a BMW 5 Series. Boldt explains that we feel lack because many of us have lost a connection to the spiritual in our daily lives.

He adds that the spiritual dimension—the experience of an eternal transcendent consciousness that we all move in–is fundamental to human life. You can regain a sense of the spiritual in your life by doing the following:

Begin a practice of prayer, meditation, yoga, or Tai Chi.
Spend more time in nature.
Allow your intuition to guide you back to a connection with the spiritual.

Have Increased Abundance Through Frugality

Lao Tzu– considered the founder of philosophical Taoism—once said, “Being frugal one has abundance.” If we trace the origin of the word “frugality”, we find that it is derived from the Latin frux, or fruit. To be frugal is to be fruitful. Being frugal doesn’t mean to go without the things are important to you, and which are aligned with your values. Instead, being frugal means the following:

Forget retail therapy; find ways to nourish yourself that don’t involve money.
Conserve and repair.
Think quality instead of quantity.
Do without what is unneeded.
Spend mindfully; for example, when you’re going to buy something, ask yourself whether you really want it, or if you’re just buying it because of what you hope it will say about you to others.

Some examples of frugal abundance include the following:

Choosing to live in a small apartment and using the money that you save to travel.
Choosing to cut back on how much you spend on clothes and shoes so that you can spend more on your true passion: fine wines and gourmet food.
Choosing to spend less money on going out drinking with your buddies so that you can buy more books or art supplies.

Think of the following quote: “The richest man is not he who has the most, but he who needs the least.”

Follow Your Nature

Following your nature is simply a matter of doing what you’re naturally good at. As Boldt explains, we are happiest when we are fully exercising our natural abilities; our nature is our strength. To deny it is to rob yourself of your own power.

If you’re suppressing your own nature in your every day work, you’re dulling your senses and switching off your innate intuitive intelligence. This makes you feel heavy, and it leads you to doubt yourself. Don’t do the following:

Choose your career to please your parents.
Choose your career based on how much money you’re going to make.
Choose your career based on social acceptance and prestige.

Denying your talents, gifts, and abilities, is like placing leg-irons around your ankles and complaining that you can’t run fast enough. On the other hand, when you respect your gifts and you express your inmost nature in the outer world, you attract to yourself the people, circumstances, and resources you will need to fulfill your destiny. Ease, joy, and power are natural by-products of following your nature. Following your nature puts you in the flow of the Tao.

Cultivate Time Abundance

As Boldt points out, in our collective struggle to end material poverty, we’ve created time poverty. He explains that we’ve made great strides in increasing productivity in the workplace. However, productivity gains have not been translated into increased leisure; instead it’s going into increased consumption.

Boldt refers to the book “The Overworked American” in which Juliet Schor notes that if Americans today enjoyed the same standard of living they had in 1948, they could work every other year or take six months off. However, instead of taking half a year off, we work harder in order to be able to buy more things. Ask yourself if material comforts are worth six months of the year, or half of the time in your life.

If we started working less, it’s clear that we would be able to afford a lot less than we do now. But what would we gain? Here are some interesting questions to consider:

Would marital relationships be stronger?
Would our children be better cared for and feel more secure?
Would we have more opportunities to express ourselves creatively?
Would communities profit from increased participation in their social, cultural, and political life?
Would we feel relaxed and enjoy the simple things of life more fully?
Would we be healthier in body, mind, and spirit?”

Conclusion

Boldt does a great job of pointing out that having abundance is a lot more than simply about money. It’s about feeling a connection to something bigger than ourselves; doing work that we enjoy and that allows us to express who we are, instead of just settling for a job that pays the bills; taking the time to decide what we really want and need, instead of just spending our money indiscriminately; and having more time for leisure, creativity, and building closer bonds with others.

Here’s a quote from “The Tao of Abundance”:

“In a world that defines abundance in terms of scarce resources and economic abstractions, the Taoist philosophy defines abundance in human terms and sees the world as a naturally abundant place. In a do-oriented society that puts its faith in future progress, it reminds us to be, and that here and now is the only place we live. In a world caught up in glamour and obsessed with consumption, the Taoist perspective offers an appreciation of leisure and beauty in the simple things in life. In a society that values the cerebral and abstract, the Taoists remind us to trust our intuitions and to recognize the power of the unconscious intelligence. In an increasingly narcissistic and artificial society, Taoist philosophy values humility, naturalness, and spontaneity.”

What does abundance mean for you? Please share in the comments section.

(Ying and Yang Gold and Blue Mosaic is courtesy of MAMJODH)

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