Acceptions with Exceptions

The war over Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Tim) — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 17:17:00 +0000

I don't mean to dilute the meaning of "War". I understand in its purity this is no where near what this situation holds, but it still doesn't take away the intensity that the "Politically Correct" masses are becoming increasingly louder about in terms of Christmas.

For years now I have heard more people saying "Happy Holidays" and things changing at schools from Christmas Programs to Winter programs and what not, as people continue to try to not offend anyone who may be of different religions than Christianity. I do understand that everyone has their own thoughts and philosophies as well as what they believe in, and I understand that some people may feel the pressure of Christianity over what they believe in is sometimes "too much". Even the meaning of the word Christmas comes from "Christ's Mass".

Let's face it. The celebration of Christmas is flawed, anyways--this date has never been proven to be the actual date that Jesus was born, and many arguments have ensued over whether the date was chosen to correspond with either the day exactly nine months after some early Christians believed Jesus had been conceived, a historical Roman festival, or the winter solstice. And what had originated as a celebration of Christianity has in fact been commercialized and perverted with images of Father Christmas, Santa Claus, and the gift giving frenzy--no one is denying that at all.

The question then continues to come back to the basis of the celebration--Christians are seeming to be pushing the envelope about the "Reason for the Season", while those who are either non-believers or of other religions are continuing to yell louder that the "reason" in fact shouldn't matter and to "not push an agenda".

However...I tend to agree with both sides. I look at Christmas as an overall experience--and the bottom line is that it is a time of year where families get together and celebrate the time together--yes, there are gifts, yes there are secular things that are involved, but for Christians, it is a great experience where all of this happens plus we get yet another reminder of the greatness of God and the life he has given to us. What's important is that everyone gets to celebrate in this--and as Christians, we should be happy that the "good" thing about it is that this a time of love and reflection as to what we have in our life--and just because a person isn't a Christian does not mean that they can't do that either.

The war over Christmas will more than likely continue to be intensified as individuals fight gallantly for their beliefs, but as a budding Christian and someone who is trying to find a pure faith, I am just happy that we have this time of year to celebrate everything. Period.

We as humans need this and I would think that even God would agree that even if individuals celebrate Christmas and aren't Christians...that doesn't mean they are any less of individuals, and maybe some day they can understand the true meaning in many more senses, because the idea is that we shouldn't be concerned over those that are Christians, but those that aren't. Christmas gives the world a stage to see some things of Jesus Christ that they normally wouldn't pay attention to...and even if that means that one person accepts Jesus as their savior because of Christmas alone, that enough alone is worth everything to God.

Slow down. You're missing everything.

noreply@blogger.com (Tim) — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 20:41:00 +0000

So, yesterday I discussed the fact that we should be thankful that we are busy, giving thanks to God for giving us the abilities to do so is enough alone to warrant that stress is sometimes a good thing.

And now, I am changing a bit of direction here. Take time to stop and smell the roses. Why? Because if you don't, you're truly missing everything that God has given to you and the wonderful world around you. I understand that many people have the mentality of go-go-go!, and while this is again something to be thankful for, don't forget about slowing down and taking in all that life has for you and to appreciate the love of Jesus.

Some Christians, I think, can justify their breakneck lifestyle by saying that the take the time to go to church every week. And while that is wonderful to do--if you are doing it because you are wanting to be fed and continue on your spiritual journey and NOT because it is an obligation--God doesn't exist just on Sunday.

This goes back to making time for God, talking to him, and being thankful for the things in your life. Make time every day to reflect on all of God's wonderful gifts to you and the people around you. Not because it's Christmastime, not because you feel like you have to, but because you are TRULY happy with the life that he has so graciously bestowed upon you. We get SO caught up in our lives that we forget who really we should be focusing on--God. His ways. His love. His decrees.

So make time to stop and think about this, whether it's 5 minutes or 5 hours. Even if you are having to schedule time on your day planner for God, I think you'll be amazed after a while that it will become second nature. I know it's done wonders for me.

It's good to be busy!

noreply@blogger.com (Tim) — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 17:22:00 +0000

There are days when I am at work and I fret. I can feel my heart starting to pound harder, my blood pressure getting a bit intense, and a swimming feeling in my head called "stress". Normally this is due to basically things being busy and sometimes being overwhelmed by a lot of things going on at once. It used to be something I avoided as much as possible, but it's clear that cannot be the case as a common human response.

But, unlike many people, I am starting to become extremely thankful to God for this. Why?

I could be unemployed.

I could not be able to work at all.

I could be in another job that I did not like as much or at all.

I could be having much more serious problems in my life that pale in comparison to this stress.

I could be lacking in many other areas of happiness that others don't have.

I could be dead.

Ok, so that may be a little dramatic, but think about it--God gives us only what we can handle. If we are busy and stressed about it, it's not to be cursed or worried about--but rather thankful for. Thank you God for giving me this challenge--thank you for reminding me my worth and my place in this world--thank you for the stress!!!

Is that crazy? Maybe. But it's good to be busy. It could be a million times worse. Perspective is key here, and Jesus Christ's love is starting to show me that. I have to remember that it is him that I have to focus on--his caring, his world, knowing that regardless of my stress and possible lack of strength, God loves me no matter what.

And just like that...my stress is gone.

Putting yourself "out there"

noreply@blogger.com (Tim) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 19:19:00 +0000

I will admit it. Throughout the years, I have built up walls around myself. A fortress, if you will. And no, it's not for playing with my lego collection or to hide from everything, but it's more of a protection than anything else. That "invisible" fence that basically keeps myself at bay from everyone and everything.

Why? Is it because I feel like I am better than everyone else? Far from it. It is mostly due to a lifetime of feeling that the trust I have in people just never works out, and therefore hurts me in the end. So, to keep myself from getting hurt again, I am less likely to put myself out there to be vulnerable and more likely to basically either not involve myself with a person or stop at a certain time to avoid the "point of no return". I know I am not alone with this feeling, but the thing that continues to eat at me is that in a journey of spirituality, this is something that proves to be a 10 foot tall obstacle in moving forward.

This goes back to emotion and anger as well. It's far easier to become angry with someone than it is to trust them and move forward. But if I am to become closer to Jesus, I MUST be more willing to put myself out there and not be comfortable behind my little fortress. Will it mean I could get hurt more? Yes. Will it mean that I could really fall farther from grace with the potential for backlash? Yes. But will it mean that I am doing the right thing though as well? Yes.

With this type of mentality I have held, I find it very hard to forgive individuals, much in due part to the fact that there are very little percentages of individuals that make it past the moat and the front gate into my heart and mind, so the moment that things really get out of hand and is something I become disappointed with or upset with, I tend to build up my walls even higher at the same time.

I can't continue living like this, but I don't know how to make it different. I want to protect myself, but I know that God doesn't care what MY wants are, but wants to show me that his way will allow me happiness regardless of getting hurt--with the power of Christ, I should be able to withstand anything.

I can say it, but can I do it?

Technorati Claim!

noreply@blogger.com (Tim) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 15:00:00 +0000

ENRTF4HQ2X6E

My claim to fame :)

Make a Wish...

noreply@blogger.com (Tim) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:38:00 +0000

I have a confession to make. When ever I hear Sally Struthers' voice come on begging me for money for starving children in Africa, I can't get to the remote quick enough to find anything else on television. If there is an ad for the ASPCA, I will simply walk out of the room. I don't want to "see" the suffering in the world--I know it exists, but out of sight--out of mind. I avoid the television pretty much altogether whenever the Jerry Lewis MDA telethon is on. I am not proud of it--but I also have a hard time correcting this behavior.

So, it probably comes as no surprise that when a local radio station had their "Make A Wish" telethon today that I kind of groaned internally when I heard them discussing it first thing this morning. Of course, I was already in the shower so I didn't have a chance to change the station. But then--I heard some amazing stories of strength, love, and courage--from the littlest champions in the world--kids with aggressive leukemia, rare cancer conditions, pretty much everything. And to hear the glee in their voices and the hope--I just almost was reduced to tears listening to their stories.

And the timing of this couldn't have been any better. My oldest son turned 12 the day before, and while he lives with his mom, we were able to take them out the night prior for a birthday celebration. My sons live another state from me--2 hours away--but that never stops me and my wife from going to as many events as we can. I hear often from friends and family that they "admire" me for doing this, but I have to tell you--this has never been done on my end for gaining attention--it's what these boys deserve. I made the decision to move farther away, why should they ultimately suffer by having an absent father due to distance? Sure, it gets tough during the Midwestern winters, but we certainly what we can. I am committed to that.

But, again--another confession. I will be honest that there are certainly times that I am tired from work, tired from stress in my life, just plain exhausted from whatever--and I don't want to go. I will complain, I will try to make excuses--and there have been a few times that I just plain didn't go because of my own selfish things. While that has been minimal, listening to these Make a Wish children discuss their lives and what they have endured again shot me back to reality.

I have it made. Just another day in paradise.

God has given me these two gifts that I cannot forsake. He has blessed me with health, blessed them with talents and love, and he provides all of us with wonderful lives that we should never take for granted. I am so grateful and thankful for every detail that the Lord has given to me--whether seen as good or bad--the simple fact is that it's not about me. It is certainly something that I know I go up and down on, and for again my faith to evolve and my spirituality to take off on a pure path, I need to always realize this, and be selfless in my actions towards others, especially my sons that Jesus Christ has bestowed to me with the trust that I will teach them his way.

Please Lord, do not let me forget that with you all things are possible...and because of you all things are. Thank you for everything!

Whatever Happened to Common Courtesy?

noreply@blogger.com (Tim) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 18:18:00 +0000

Call me old-fashioned. Just go ahead and do it. You know you want to.

I have a REALLY hard time with people that don't have common courtesy. I am talking like things where if you say "Excuse Me" to some one that they acknowledge you, if someone has to merge that they give you "the wave", if you say thank you to them that they say "You're welcome" and NOT "Yep," or "Mmm hmm" or anything at all. I was raised fiercely to be overly courteous to people, and is more than likely a main cog as to why I ended up in the customer service industry.

I witnessed this on several occasions over the weekend. For one, I went grocery shopping. It was a busy time, and there were several people obviously encompassing many of the aisles, so it was a little slow going. Not to my dismay, I don't mind it at all. There were THREE times throughout the store that I came around a corner and almost ran into someone--not because I was flying around there on two wheels or not paying attention, simply because of the traffic. I said "Excuse me" to all of them, and one person gave me a half smile, the other a kind of annoyed look, and yet another just marched past me as if I wasn't even there. I must admit that by the last time, I was about ready to say a bit louder as the person marched past me "OH..YOU'RE WELCOME"--but I bit my tongue--hard.

To follow that up, I went through a drive thru. The person taking my money for the meal didn't say a single word to me--I had my debit card out waiting upon him coming to the window, he took it from me, came back with it and a receipt moments later, to which I said "Thanks" and he just closed the window. AAAAHHH! What is the deal with people today?

This is an area that I know my faith will help me and continue to reinforce the habits that I was taught from a young age on--no matter what, even if you are having a bad day, even if you have something that just made you very angry, it gives ZERO reason to not be courteous to someone. Jesus had many people spit on him, beat him severely, mock him, and yet he loved them all--and showed them the courtesy that they deserved simply for being human beings--despite how nasty they were.

And this is not even close to happening to me--they didn't treat me out and out like garbage, but it still hurts to think that people just don't have the simplest "responses" that we should have ingrained in us from day one--do unto others. It again gives me perspective about how great Jesus Christ is and the benevolence that God has for us--he not only gives us common courtesy, but he allows us to spit all over his word, ignore his requests, and even go in the opposite direction for our own selfish wants. And not only does he give us courtesy, he loves us more. I continue to be humbled by this example and yet ashamed at mankind on many occasions as to their indiscretions at just simply being "nice"--not sugary, just NICE.

Are there certain pet peeves that you have like this that drive you crazy? How do you deal with these peeves and at the same time try to honor your faith in God?

Am I worthy?

noreply@blogger.com (Tim) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 18:48:00 +0000

In today's day and age, it's no secret that the vast, vast majority of us have decreased self confidence, low self esteem in general, and oftentimes are fearful of failure. In the religious aspect, this also takes a toll on many...including me.

Why? Simple. Because if in our lives we don't feel confident around human beings who are indeed fallible and have endless amount of issues, why in the world would we ever feel ourselves worthy of God? He is the omnipresence, a benevolent figure, he sacrificed Jesus Christ so that we could live IN sin and could still be forgiven for them.

It's almost too hard to wrap your head around that someone of this magnitude could love me. Could accept me. Could take away all of my transgressions in the blink of an eye.

But he does. And that is something that I MUST absolutely start to believe day in and day out. I truly believe that a major barrier to my faith is that I simply don't feel good enough for God...broken...sometimes just "unworthy". Am I ashamed of some of the things that I have or have not done in my life? Of course I am--there's no one in this world that can claim otherwise. The difference is that I sometimes just think that it's a permanent black mark against me....envisioning a God that is angry, one that is vengeful.

But that is soooooooooooo not the case.

God loves me for me. Jesus gave his life for me. Wow...that's humbling even typing it out. But I have to believe it. I have to understand it. I have to appreciate it. Without that, my faith will be nothing but a glass roof. Sure, it may hold up under the naked eye, but eventually it WILL break...But it's not an easy task at all. I must "feel" this.

Do you ever get these feelings that God is just too big, too perfect, too overwhelming for you to feel worthy?

It's no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy...

noreply@blogger.com (Tim) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:33:00 +0000

Remember that rockin' song? Well I certainly do...and it SO holds true for me. I AM my own worst enemy. I allow for anger and resentment to creep in...for callousness and bitterness to mount up. And I realize that by allowing that power over my life, I'll never get to where I need to be in my quest of faith.

The hardest thing...is that it is SO easy to allow it to happen.

Why? Because anger is a fundamental emotion, and it is so much easier to place blame elsewhere, feel vindicated, become entrenched in an eye for an eye type of mentality. We are ALL so encompassed by a "What's in it for me?" mentality that anger then is traveling right behind that thought process when in fact, things don't go the way we intend or want.

I have to work through this. I have to think. I have to be able to look at things from another perspective. I have worked ON this for a while now, and while I feel that it is better than it used to be, I still have the knee-jerk reaction of flying off the handle at many times, and for the most part--it's silly pride. It's not thinking about anything other than myself.

And just like the opening line to "A Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren, I must realize....It's not about me. It's about Church..it's about God...It's about Jesus..it's about serving the Lord.

Please Lord...help me to see things for what they should be and to not let anger rule my life. I need to be able to forgive and move on, to be giving, and to not let this dictate who I am or how I feel.

How do you deal with anger? How do you do it in the sense of thinking like a Christian? Is it something that you struggle with?

It's a Wonderful Life

noreply@blogger.com (Tim) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:17:00 +0000

I have been meaning to say something about this, but time has gotten the best of me lately it seems. Last week was my birthday--my 36th birthday. Now, I am not a person again who is flashy or showy, so birthdays to me sometimes can be a cause of embarrassment because of what some people make as a fuss over them. I'd rather it just be a courteous "Happy Birthday" and move on. If you'd like to get me a card, great. If you'd like to give me some money, even better. :)

Over the past year or so I have really become addicted to Crackbook, er, Facebook. It has been a wonderful place to get reacquainted with friends and family members, as well as a means of upkeep on good, close relationships I have had for a while now. For a while there I was basically a "collector", trying to gain friends left and right, even adding people that I may know through a friend of a friend and even TV personalities. For all intents and purposes, I was a friend whore.

As of the last several months, I de-friended many people that I either hadn't talked to even as friends on Facebook or just had no connection with really whatsoever, and that pretty much dropped the number of people I had on there in half. Slowly over time I have been picky about the people I ask to be friends with, and so on and so forth.

Now, you may be asking what this has to do with anything. Well--considering that one of the things that people do is have their birthdays listed on the home page and Facebook is good about telling you who is upcoming, I really do try to swing by a friend's page and wish them a happy birthday in a timely manner.

But I will be honest with you...I really thought that when my day rolled around I would get maybe 10, at most 20 wishing me well. I really thought that for the most part people wouldn't take the time for me or just in general.

At the end of the day, I had received well over 120 replies on my wall wishing me Happy Birthday.

These sentiments also combined with several emails and calls from friends/family members, along with two family parties to celebrate "my day" so to speak.

And it made me think...It really IS a wonderful life.

I hearken back to one of my favorite movies of all time, the so aptly named "It's A Wonderful Life" with Jimmy Stewart, and I will be honest that I have been there like George Bailey was--questioning my place in life, what would the world be like without me in it, basically self-pity and loathing. But through some pretty intense thinking and seeking my way back to God, I realize now the impact I have had and hope to continue to have on many of my friends and family members. I am SO blessed to have the support system I do and all of the great individuals that show me love and concern that they do. It challenges me each and every day to be thankful for all that I have been given and that every person is a gift from God. This again is a lesson I need to be disciplined in--remembering the broad spectrum of things that Jesus Christ has done for me to allow me to have all of these wonderful things in my life, and that when the chips seem to be down, even if I don't get 1 reply next year on my facebook page, that I know I'll always have one waiting in my inbox....from God.

Who knows...maybe next year you'll see me running down the streets of Westfield on Christmas Eve shouting "Merry Christmas you old building and Loan!!!"

Thank you God...for everything. It really IS a wonderful life.

I SWEAR!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Tim) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:29:00 +0000

If there is one vice that I know I will have a hard time getting rid of or at least decreasing, it's swearing. I am absolutely fantastic around family members and my boys--it's not as if many times I even have to say fake words--i.e. freakin', heck, dangit, shoot, etc. that seem to be the "ok" way of saying things.

But around my friends, my wife, and some times even just talking aloud, I swear...A lot. And it's not some times just casual "cussing", it's the full on "effin" everything with interspersed words that George Carlin many years ago typified as the "no-nos".

I understand that for me to be a Christian that this will absolutely have to subside. Ephesians 4:29 tells us, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." I also understand that many times I am undercutting my self by cussing a lot, because to me those words some times come out because of not "using words" effectively, and thereby promotes ignorance on many fronts.

To be honest, though, this will be difficult. Many of my friends have potty mouths, many of my co-workers, and so the peer pressure end of things, the idea that "I will be come like the friends I choose" starts to seep in ever so slightly. So does that mean that I scrap my heap of friends and find others that don't swear? Well....no, that's not the answer. The answer is that my heart, mind, and soul has to believe that swearing is not what Jesus would care for us to do and that it is not a good steward of the Lord.

Perhaps that does mean that I need to start making a habit of trying intentionally to really work on those "fake" words as an intermediary to at least baby step my way from cussing and swearing. I honestly don't even think about it some times, which again scares me, because that's not what I want to 1) relate to other people and 2) it's not something that I should be proud of especially in this quest for faith.

So, I should probably get frickin' started, shouldn't I?

Peer Pressure isn't just for teens

noreply@blogger.com (Tim) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 22:33:00 +0000

It's hard to believe.

It's not only hard to believe in existence of metaphysical beings, but it's even harder to tell people about it. I find it incredibly ironic that the vast, vast majority of individuals that are atheists or basically evolutionists or just simply question a lot of theological references will go out of their way to argue their point to you or basically mock anyone who is a believer of any religion--especially Christians.

There are a lot of unanswered questions in everyone's life, and I get it--the question mark of where we came from, where we end up, and the journey and decisions we make in life making that possible is something that can be a joke to those who say there's no possible way that God exists because there are so many unknowns. And that is what the crux of all this is--the unknown. If there were evidence to the contrary--real time miracles that can be attributed to God's presence--while there would still be naysayers and people questioning even if God sat down next to them and had a conversation, some of the unknown could at least be cleared up.

But the thing that is hardest for anyone to fully grasp, and a struggle for me as a whole, is faith. Believing in what isn't there. Working a life that is filled with intent on something that you've never seen or will see with your living eyes. Making decisions and sacrifices that are not self-indulgent, but rather selfless based on principles that we take wholeheartedly as The Way.

Difficult doesn't begin to describe it.

And what's even harder is the fact that peer pressure seems to be one of the biggest obstacles to me in my faith with God. I have friends that will argue up and down and try to make me feel stupid about belief in religion, and it is indeed extremely difficult to say--I believe.

So again, another benchmark in my journey has to be that if given the opportunity, I will, without reservation, be able to tell my friends without a second glance--"I believe and accept Jesus Christ as my savior." I honestly do not think I have even been able to fully tell myself that--so that is the first step, and then it is being able to stand proud as a follower of God.

Now one thing I want to clear up....I do not mean the "paraders" or "bible thumpers" as I have been critical of because of sometimes having their own agendas behind claiming their faith, I am saying that when the time comes to be able to say what I feel, to be able to not even think about peer pressure or that someone may not agree with me or my thoughts, that I say what I need to say. That will certainly be a moment that I will be able to feel proud and steadfast in my place as a Christian.

Until that time comes, I will need to work on me--looking in the mirror and saying those words--thinking about the life that God wants me to lead--thinking about things in a Christian sense and how to handle things--continually making steps--talking about my faith with my family and my sons--and then maybe, just maybe, I can do it.

How do you overcome the peer pressure from non-believers? Do you step up? If so, how? If you don't, why not? There's no right or wrong answer here, other than what I know I am doing in many cases--worrying about myself and my well being other than what I should be doing--worrying about God and being able to say "Hey, I believe."

No excuses. No reservations.

That will be a glorious day.

Matt Bays is simply amazing

noreply@blogger.com (Tim) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:32:00 +0000

My family and I attend Northview Christian Life Church in Carmel, Indiana. We have attended there as a family for almost 3 years, and my wife has ties to it for almost 20 years. This has been the church where I have been awakened, been fed, and been the one to propel this very blog into action.

However, it goes even deeper than that. The worship leader, Matt Bays, is a person that I really can't say that there are too many people like him out there. A passionate singer and songwriter, I read his book, "The Blind Writer" last year, and it is one of those motivational books that again is a main reason why I am writing right here today.

Matt looks beyond the norms of religion and talks about his own experiences, the world around him, what he has been taught, what he believes, and the challenges we all face as budding Christians--he doesn't just settle for "as it is written", but looks beyond that and discusses things in a frank and entertaining manner that has hit home with me in many ways. However, even when I thought Matt was an inspiration to begin with, he raises the bar himself this weekend that again motivates me as a person, father, and Christian.

In our service, Matt stopped after several songs and shared his personal feelings that he had during the "Prayer Experience" we had during the reset campaign. While doing this, you could feel the raw emotion, the pain, the hope, the love. He broke down in discussing intimate details about his family, and I just sat there, listening intently, taking it all in.

It brought me to tears.

Now, it should be known that one of my biggest pet peeves about myself is that I don't show emotion very well. It's even translated to my oldest son who seems to be following in my footsteps of the non-emotion. Some may say that's just men in general, but I know my true heart, and things I know I should be feeling at certain times in terms of empathy, love, unconditionality, just aren't there. But it is moments like these, where Matt Bays--even though I have never even HAD a face to face conversation with him--shows me that my emotions are "coming along", and it's that kind of thing that keeps me positive that my heart is slowly turning to what it needs to be to really take these steps towards being one with God. I am not saying that a month from now you'll see me blubbering hysterically when a Hallmark commercial comes on or that if you tell me you've accomplished something that I will cross body block you with a hug, but I do know that the coldness and bitterness that armored my heart is starting to show some cracks, and that's all I ask for.

Thank you Matt...for again showing me what a great God we have. I love Northview, and it will be the place I call my Church home for as long as they'll let me in there. :)

Hypocrisy

noreply@blogger.com (Tim) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 20:14:00 +0000

I think one of the biggest things that stands in my way of knowing that I believe in the existence of God is actually an irony of sorts--it is in fact the hypocrisy of Christians. I have had individuals in my life that I have felt are extremely over the top in terms of their claim and almost "attention getting" in their belief of Jesus Christ, sometimes almost goading a person on, and yet these are some of the people that I would contend are the most shallow, condescending, "UN"Christianlike people that I have ever met; they can be overly catty, gossipy, mean, and basically the things that are a paradox to what Jesus said we should be like. Now, keep in mind that I KNOW that I am not perfect and I KNOW I have a million things to work on in general, especially in my faith. But this is a key reason why it seems sometimes I get caught spinning my wheels in my evolution as a believer of Christ.

You see, I am not someone who is flashy, a showman, someone who basically makes a name for himself by showing off anything at all. So when I see individuals doing things that seem a bit "more" than the norm, I question...why? Why now? What are they doing?

Is it right for me to be so cynical?

Perhaps not. I understand that Jesus did not live with those that were ones that were the utmost believers, affluent, or people that basically had their road paved to Heaven. No...he opted to be with the dregs of society, those in need, to care for them, to show them that the way of God was what would eternally save them. So, in that case, it is an irony that those that seemingly are in most need of God tout him the way they do, because to me...that reeks of the very things that Jesus said are not important, and not pure.

You see, to me, the person that accepts Christ for who he is should be humble about it. I understand that there is a time and place for testimony and witnessing as well as being faithful to your faith, but this also should be warranted--not something that is put repeatedly in your face, as in "Hey, look at me, I believe in God and I am the bomb because of it lalala". It is kind of like the scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade--it was assumed by the villains that the Holy Grail was something brilliantly golden and shiny, something fit for a king; but the real Grail (I know, I know, it was just a movie) was something very normal, very bland, very even.

Which is why there are some Christians that I know that give me hope--they let their actions do the speaking of why they are Christians--through good deeds, good words, good tidings, and overall a "feeling" of purity. They don't need to wear a sign that says "CHRIST IS AWESOME", but rather they continue to be humble in his name and work towards the goal of making themselves better every day.

I understand that people will always let me down if I look for them to be my reasoning to believe in Christ. I understand that this journey I am on of seeking is something I can only do on my own; it just makes it extremely hard for me to feel as if I am moving forward when I see individuals seem to use God more as a tool for their own attention and without true action to back up anything. This may sound harsh, but I would think that a person who parades around their spirituality is worse than someone who may say they do not believe, because at least the latter is being a bit more honest about themselves rather than "forcing" themselves and others to believe differently.

Hypocrisy will never go away, I understand that. But for me to be able to make the honest, true steps, it will have to be a thing that I can get past and focus on my own thoughts and deeds. It's difficult, because it is so easy to fall into a trap of going "See, this is why I have a problem with it..."

But again...I have to continue to tell myself, "My spiritual experience is MY responsibility, not anyone else's." Without that thinking, I'll never get to where I need to be.

Talking with God

noreply@blogger.com (Tim) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:17:00 +0000

One of the things that I recently completed was called the "Prayer Experience" at our church. This encompassed taking an MP3 player and listening to the different "stages" through out the church, reflecting, thinking, and praying. There were some sections that I felt really moved and thought about the things in my life, and others that didn't affect me so much--which was to be expected.

As I went through this individual experience, I thought to myself, "When and why do you talk to God?" There was a sermon a while back that discussed prayer and its use, and one of the things that I know I use (and maybe abuse) it for is in times of need. I don't "talk" to God, I pray to him when I need something. Is that wrong?

Some would say no--that prayer in the first place is a good start--but the feeling that I get is that in order for me to be a true Christian, I need to recognize that talking to God, whether it is daily or at least on a more consistent basis--is what will get me to a better place in my life. I won't lie that even when I have tried to pray when things aren't "desperate", I still find myself asking God to help me with certain things--be it understanding, patience, grace, or other avenues that I feel I need assistance in. I don't think I have ever just called up God to say "Hey big man, I am doing awesome--thanks for everything!" and that be it.

So, the question is--do I rely on prayer as a form for asking for help only or is it because I don't truly feel the blessings that I have to be able to recognize that I should thank God for these things? Am I so "tunnel visioned" that I feel that this world/myself/others are ones that are responsible for the things in my life, or is just being again unaware that I should pray at the best of times?

I think it's a little of both. What I do know is that my pride some times gets the best of me, and that prayer is used as a desperation move--a last resort, a pleading of sorts. Otherwise, I place my problems and my accomplishments squarely on my own shoulders. I know that in order to become one with God that I need to place all of these onto him.

One thing that our pastor challenged us to do is to talk with God every day, whether it be for 5 minutes or just as a check in. I have failed this, because again I am not putting priority on my relationship with God, and sometimes I just plain forget. When do you talk to God? Are you like me and only focus on times of need? Or if you do it at all times, how did you get yourself to the point of being able to recognize that the two way communication with God should be at all times? I would appreciate some insight, because in order for me to start to fully grasp the relationship with God, I know this is a key foundation point.

Is it really as simple as pushing reset?

noreply@blogger.com (Tim) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 03:14:00 +0000

One of the main reasons I decided to start writing about my faith and the struggle within is because of a series we had at our church recently called, "Reset". What the point of this series was really hit home with me--the literal "reset" of the things that you have been taught throughout the years about God, Jesus, the Bible, and other "Christian" things so that we do not become mired in functional fixations and can continue to evolve as Christians. It was during several of these sermons where I had one of those "V8" moments that while I understood Christians needed to constantly be thinking about the things they believed in, my ideologies weren't even complete enough to really formulate a "reset" on many fronts.

Is it really as simple as pushing reset? I mean, let's face it, as human beings, we are total packages of what we have learned as children and through our experiences growing up. Some people cannot simply shake the "bad" of what they have dealt with, much to the benefit of the psychiatry industry. Other people are able to move on with their lives, start anew, and make a better life for themselves and others around them, regardless of what has happened previously. However, I still truly believe that with the great lengths some people are able to get to, there will always be a shell, a core, a feeling, of the experiences they have had. In other words, we are inevitably written on in Sharpie markers and not necessarily pencils that can be erased.

So then--what does that have to do with me? Well, considering that much of my life was spent in churches that I didn't want to be in, didn't feel fed by anything, and many times resented the entire idea of church itself, it still makes it a very hard thing to overcome, despite the blessings and "God things" I have experienced in the most recent years of my life. I have felt blessed by having two healthy children, a wife that is my best friend, and having financial security through hard work and great opportunities.

But there's the rub.

I still don't feel a "oneness" with God, a joy from within, an acceptance of Jesus being my savior. Do I believe that God exists? Yes. Do I believe that Jesus Christ could be my savior? Yes. Do I think that there are things in this world that can only be explained through divine intervention? Absolutely. But do I also think that science has a pretty good argument for some things? Yep. And do I think that hypocrisy in Christianity sours world views and forms obstacles towards my belief systems--you betcha.

So, therefore, I was able to name my blog with some creative alliteration (Well, I certainly thought so anyway) and some pun work as well; I accept religion, but with exceptions. So does that mean that ultimately I don't accept religion because I put disclaimers on it? Maybe. But I don't deny it either.

Here we are. Several rambling paragraphs in. I don't expect for this to be something that is easy; it shouldn't be. I truly believe that Christians should understand exactly what their commitment is to God and I think that there shouldn't be such a thing as blind faith. For me, it isn't as simple as pushing reset for the overall conceptualization--but this still has given me the chance to basically reset and start breaking things down, trying to understand myself and the spiritual world around me, with the point of making sense of it all. Impossible you say? Maybe. But at least something to strive for. Yessirree.

I think, therefore I am; at this point, I need to think A LOT so I can be sure what I am. But this is a great start--I feel good about talking about my belief system and publicly discussing my thought processes, my experiences, so that it is something that not only I can reach out to the world to get some perspective, but also to hold myself accountable for this journey. The time is NOW.

Giddy up.

Oh...my...God...

noreply@blogger.com (Tim) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 02:50:00 +0000

This is not a blog about asking for help. It's not something that I am doing because I want for atheists to talk me down or convince me there is no God; likewise, it's not for Christians to try and sway my ideologies and use it as a forum to promote their own beliefs.

This is a blog that I am doing because I need to. I need to express my innermost thoughts about the walk of faith that I have teetered on for what seems like eternity. It is a basis for me to talk about my feelings about my life, my family, my friends, and the spiritual journey that goes along with it, sometimes with praise, sometimes with disdain.

It should be a raw examination of my fluctuating soul's path. Does this mean my posts and thoughts will always be pretty? Nope. Does it mean that it will reach the darkest reaches of my mind? Nope. But I will try with all of my might to be honest with myself, honest with my feelings, and to do it in a way that others who may be struggling with the idea of faith and their spiritual experience can understand that they are not the only one out there who questions, rejoices, condemns, and who thinks and rethinks common and not-so-common practices within Christianity.

What's the goal of this then? Ultimately, is to form a true belief structure: to define my life. To find out in my own experience if Jesus Christ is something that I can take that enormous leap of faith towards and live my life in the way that I believe he has entrusted to do. I would love to say that this will certainly have a happy ending and my joy will be found in the Holy Spirit; but I would be a fool to blindly say that it will--it has been a struggle for me and probably will be for a while.

Please join me in my journey. I look forward to discussing things with each and every one of you. Thanks for reading.