2012 has been a year of accelerating shifts, change, and evolutionary opportunities, many of which have been less than positive. This year (granted, the past few) has been rife with unsettling and chaotic if not tragic events both collectively and for many of us, personally as well. Inevitably it seems that the negative makes a more profound and lasting impact on humanity than the positive.

Lest we despair, it helps to remember that just as the sun cannot shine without casting shadows, even the darkest days are not wasted. They provide the contrast required for us to recognize light and consciously seek it.

There is no more fitting a time to explore this theme. As I write this, the northern hemisphere is in the midst of the winter solstice when daylight is in shortest supply. So it also seems timely to explore the shadow side of life, to learn how to utilize it for growth and good, and to understand how to reap its full potential.

The Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy aptly illustrates the typical, almost instinctive human reaction to negativity and tragedy: we seek a reason for it. We need to know why. How many times in the last week or two have you heard people ask “why” the Newtown, CT massacre happened? Why a troubled young man went on a violent shooting rampage? Why he targeted the school – and why that school? Why his mother left guns in the house? Why he was not diagnosed and treated or otherwise given help before? Why, why, for the love of God why?

We’ve all been there too when our personal tragedies strike, wondering why a family member becomes ill, why a relationship fails, why a job is lost, as if understanding why the thing happened could have prevented it in the first place. As if there were even a single reason. Therein lies the logical fallacy.

Sometimes on an intellectual level, understanding “why” can prevent or greatly reduce the probability of a specific outcome. Understanding that penicillin fights smallpox can prevent smallpox. Understanding that the human body is 70% water and drinking enough of it can prevent dehydration. Understanding that smoking, obesity and lack of exercise increase one’s risk of heart disease can contribute to a healthier lifestyle and prevent a heart attack. But these examples have direct cause-and-effect relationships. Assuming all of life does as well is a flawed assumption.

My spiritual teacher has a saying. “Why’s aren’t wise,” he says. I’d like to suggest we take that to heart, and instead of focusing on, analyzing and trying to dissect and unpack the chain of events leading to anything (which, if you’ve studied even a little physics and math, you know is impossible anyway) we instead focus on the “what” and the “how”.

In the face of Sandy Hook or any tragedy, dwelling in the past to unravel the “why” serves little purpose. It happened. We are left to face the dark reality of it and allow that darkness to cast its shadow. The shadow in turn motivates us to learn. The shadow brings us to the brink of tolerance and into pain so intense that the prospect of change is now far less daunting than maintaining the status quo.

So I ask you:

• What would you like the future to look like?
• How do we go about creating it?
• How do we change and evolve as both a society and individuals so this doesn’t happen again?
• What are we aware of that we couldn’t see before?
• How do we remain open-eyed, open-minded and open-hearted enough in the face of pain to effect meaningful change? To take inspired action?
• How do we constructively process our emotions?
• How do we meaningfully connect to one another in order to heal?

In this season of darkness, I encourage you to contemplate how you wish to BE in the world. Not how you think you should be or how you plan to become, but how you want to literally behave, in action and spirit, from moment to moment and with person to person. Then contemplate how you wish that world to be.

Use this sacred window, this time of transition between darkest hour and growing light, to be still, to sit with those questions, and to allow the answers to well up from the divine within you.

Then, go forth in inspired action and shine.

If what millions are saying about this galactic and astrological period is true, we have the opportunity to intentionally birth a new earth, to consciously evolve as humans, and to manifest a future of our choosing. For the first time in human history, we also have the knowledge, awareness, technology, communication infrastructure and connectivity to actually do it.

High time we get to it.

The Newmark Theater was packed for the closing session of the second annual World Domination Summit early July in Portland, Oregon. As I glanced around me it was clear every one of the exactly one thousand seats was filled. After final speaker J.D. Roth presented, Chris Guillebeau took the stage to deliver the official send-off.

I tuned-out for a bit as he recapped the brief history of the World Domination Summit (WDS), newly minted but a year prior, and much unlike its name having more to do with conscious evolution, world peace, individual courage and “love domination” than what most people tend to associate with the words “world domination”. Guillebeau, a writer, blogger, entrepreneur and traveler extraordinaire, had created the event to unite nonconformists like him passionate about living a remarkable life in a conventional world.

He wildly succeeded, doubling the event in size from 500 to 1,000 people between its inaugural run in 2011 and its second time out in 2012. While he continued recapping the opportunities that had arisen and the many additional decisions that needed to be made in planning the second WDS, at which I sat, he began to tell the story of an anonymous donor. Despite being approached by numerous corporations, organizations and individuals alike, Chris and his team had made a firm decision that WDS would be entirely sponsor-free: no big brands, no speaker pitches, no logo fests; you get the idea. Despite knowing that, an individual wishing to remain anonymous had approached Chris and insisted on giving him $100,000 to use toward WDS 2012 in the way Chris deemed best with no expectations in return.

By then I was fully tuned back in, paying sharp attention to Chris’ story and beginning to notice murmurs throughout the audience, like the woman next to me gasping, then choking up in tears, muttering “Oh my god” under her breath in disbelief. I was slow on the uptake; she was way ahead of me having connected the dots between Chris’ story and what was coming next.

And what came next was, in a word – seismic – something I’ve never seen in my forty-seven years (although Oprah has come close) and achingly hope to see again in a lot less than forty-seven more.

To an audience of one thousand raving fans sitting in varying degrees of disbelief, bewilderment and shock, Chris announced what we had decided to do with the donated $100,000. He was giving it away to all one thousand of us. He was paying it massively forward.

That photo above? That’s my $100 along with the directive for each of us graced with this gift of enormous, heart-opening magnitude. In the moment, all I could do was join my seatmate in tears of joy, speechless as I received my individual envelope and exited the theater along with everyone else.

To describe the emotion of being in that moment would take a much longer post than I want this to be and is largely beyond the ability of words to do justice anyway. Suffice it to say, the shift it triggered in me was quantum. Despite what others might do with their $100, I knew in my case I couldn’t let it accomplish merely its face value in good. I needed more.

I needed it to be a catalyst, a seed, a spark that could somehow spread like wildfire, multiply and develop a life of its own. I needed it to be a child that would grow and flourish in the same spirit with which it was given birth and inspire not merely additional, but limitless generations of “pay if forward” opportunity.

Throughout my weekend at WDS 2012, I’d been contemplating ways to step things up with The Accidental Seeker and largely came up stuck. Stuck because most everything I could think of depended on being able to reach a much larger captive audience than I then had – so how to build readership? Subscribers? You see, although I haven’t shared this publicly yet, I want this to be much more than a platform for a burgeoning writer. I want it to be my purpose, my livelihood, and a community to and for all kindred spirits. I want it to have a mission.

At last, in those final moments of WDS, what hit me was not only how I’d use my $100, but also how I could leverage it to accomplish my desired growth goals as well.

What I’m Doing with my WDS $100

One of the first and most powerful WDS 2012 speakers was Scott Harrison, founder of Charity:Water. For those who’ve never heard of the organization, it’s a non-profit whose mission is to bring clean and safe drinking water to people in developing nations.

Why water? Because a BILLION people on the planet don’t have safe, clean drinking water, and because having it changes everything. It means women and children don’t have to spend hours per day walking miles to the nearest source of clean water. It means time, freedom, opportunity, health and education. With basic needs like water met, it means the chance for people to move beyond surviving into thriving.

Water is elemental, as fundamental to life as spirit. What better alignment could there be for The Accidental Seeker? What simpler way to impact the very essence of physical life so that spiritual life can flourish?

Yes, philanthropies abound but this one spoke to me. Plus the fact that every penny of the money raised in my campaign will go directly to fund clean water projects put it head and shoulders above many other causes.

So I used my $100 from Chris Guillebeau as seed money for the Accidental Seekers for Water Campaign running between my forty-seventh birthday on October 6 and the end of the year. The campaign has two goals:

1) to raise $5,047 for Charity:Water and

2) to grow awareness and readership of The Accidental Seeker. Because you see, for every new person who subscribes to the blog by email, I’ll donate an additional $1, kicking-in up to $5,000 of my own money.

My hope/wish/dream? That together – with your participation and my own additional funding – we’ll reach (if not double!) the $5,047 goal I’ve set by the end of the year.

Where You Come In

Whether this post inspires you, you firmly believe in charity:water, or you just want to spare me massive public humiliation, please consider one of these ways to participate:

1) If you’re not already a subscriber, sign up for free blog updates from The Accidental Seeker by visiting www.accidentalseeker.com (if you’re reading this on the blog already see the upper right corner). There is NO risk of spam and your information is kept strictly private. Plus when you subscribe you receive a free guide called Seven Simple Steps Into Happiness as my gift to you.

2) Donate to the Accidental Seekers for Water Campaign. Any amount is welcome.

3)  Help spread word of this campaign by telling your friends, colleagues, family members, groups and social media communities about the campaign and sharing links to The Accidental Seeker with those for whom it you feel the blog will resonate.

Stepping things up and paying them forward doesn’t end here. There will be plenty for new and existing Accidental Seeker subscribers and readers to look forward to in the coming months, including weekly blog updates on the campaign’s progress, interviews with some of my favorite people from WDS 2012, and a new site design.

Indulge me a moment to get real and confess that I am, frankly, scared sh**less by this. I’ve never made a public declaration so big. Hey, it might crash and burn, or I might have to come up with $5,000 in a couple of months. Either prospect takes me out of my comfort zone. I attended WDS in July. It’s taken me this long to work up the courage and clarity to launch.

But as I learned a few months ago, your experience cannot exceed your willingness to be vulnerable. Your capacity to be open-hearted cannot exceed your willingness to be broken-hearted.  Living a remarkable life in a conventional world is not for the faint of heart. And so I go.

Curious about WDS 2013? It’s doubling in size again I’ll be there. Tickets are on sale now; visit the WDS event site here to learn more.

It was barely a month ago that I was on my way to the second annual World Domination Summit (WDS). Since then, my life has been a continuous whirlwind of a ride into one new realm after the next.

Actually this period of acceleration, exploration and rising intensity started more than a month ago. In the last six weeks I have journeyed through legions of virgin territory both literally and figuratively.

Acceleration

It began as my parents, siblings, in-laws and I successfully navigated our first adult whole-family vacation on the Outer Banks of North Carolina – virgin territory for all of us despite several who boast passports filled to overflowing. Since then I’ve windsurfed, bodysurfed, stand-up-paddle-boarded and built bonfires on the beach. I reconnected with seldom-seen cousins, nieces and nephews at all ages and life stages (even valiantly – and successfully – defeating breast cancer. Go Liz!).

One trip followed another as I jetted to Portland, Oregon for my inaugural WDS. The City of Roses in July was an unexpected gem and welcome change from my usual tropical paradise. The event itself (more on that in next week’s post – I’m still synthesizing this transformational experience) was filled to capacity with awe-inspiring unconventional people, heart-opening motivational speakers, and endless opportunities to make new friends and meet kindred spirits. I ate Voodoo doughnuts, ordered street-cart tacos (yum), drank craft beer, and savored the weekend farmers’ market. I walked the waterfront, rode the trams, and basically reveled in the amazing outdoor scene of the Pacific Northwest. (and hell yeah I’ll be back for WDS 2013).

After a one week stop home to welcome my daughter’s two teenage cousins from Mexico it was off to New York City with my husband and three teenage girls on a celebratory quinceañera weekend for our daughter’s 15^th birthday. Squeezing in a little business, I dashed from one appointment in a corporate high rise to the next in a Gramercy Park loft to shopping in Soho. We stayed across the river in Hoboken, New Jersey (where the girls delightedly discovered J-Lo in our same hotel and cruised by Carlo’s Bakery), splurged at Nobu for dinner, rode the subways, watched (and cried at) Phantom. The continuation of what was nearly a month-long birthday extravaganza for my daughter continued in Florida with jaunts to Miami for a Nicki Minaj concert, beach visits, snorkel trips, cupcake runs, and (these are teenage girls after all) more shopping.

The juggernaut wasn’t over yet. July culminated with international visitors from two different countries and, to celebrate their arrival in south Florida (one of the many fun things about living where I do is people frequently vacation in Miami) a party for twenty at our house. Not to mention dinners and beach trips with our friends well into early August.

In the last six weeks I have ridden planes, trains, automobiles, taxis, limos, speedboats, wave runners, subways, streetcars, bikes and light-rail trams. I’ve walked miles of city streets, swam kilometers of ocean reef, squished my toes in the mud of Pamlico Sound, buried them in the sand of Cape Hatteras (and elsewhere). Even had one bit by a crab!

I’ve feasted –on a variety, quantity and quality of cuisine truly fit for royalty – and am deeply, humbly grateful for every morsel from the fresh daily catch of the Outer Banks to the Portland street tacos; from Nobu scallops to Soho pizza to the Brazilian picanha and Café Cubano of Miami. From frozen margaritas to double-tall lattes to green smoothies to rich merlots to locally-brewed Oregon beers (to lots and lots of water to keep myself going) I’ve drank it all.

And let me not forget to mention the people. I’ve met wandering nomads who’ve described themselves as “technically homeless” (like Jolly) to intentional nomads Dan and Audrey who prefer to be full-time travelers. I’ve met both budding entrepreneurs and millionaire venture capitalists, real estate investors and corporate vice presidents.

I’ve celebrated with cancer survivors, a guy who walked across America (read Nate’s story), young people with boundless energy and optimism; old people with boundless energy and optimism, TED speakers (like Brene Brown there at right), best-selling authors, and (finally in person) two of my favorite bloggers and heart-centered entrepreneurs, Mark Silver and Chris Guillebeau.

Jennifer Louden (one of those best-selling authors I recently rubbed shoulders with and a primary reason this blog exists) recently summarized exactly how I feel:

“As I write this I am overcome with how much life, beauty and sensory splendor one month brings. I could write all day and not touch a 10th of it.  May we always remember how blessed we are to be in bodies, to be alive.”

Re-entry

I could say I am exhausted (and for a few weeks I was running at full tilt and short on sleep), but I’m mostly recovered from exhaustion. The truth is I’m more energized than exhausted by adventures into virgin territory – always.

I could say I’m relieved that it’s over, but the truth is now that this period of adventure, newness and exploration is winding down, I’m experiencing more letdown than relief. Chris Guillebeau, nonconformist extraordinaire and creator of the World Domination Summit, echoes similar sentiments in this post.

Maybe as 2012 continues to reveal an increased pace of change, we’ll all be feeling moments of melancholy after periods of acceleration. As we live and open to more of life than we did before, our appetite grows.

The Ever-Rising Bar

That’s the thing about fully participating in the human journey – about getting off the couch and out there – you never know where it will take you and how you’ll be transformed.

What I was reminded of over the last six weeks is how every new adventure, manifested desire, and savory taste of fresh experience along the journey raises our personal bars.

With our thresholds heightened, once we realize what we’re capable of and experience the richness and diversity we thought were out of reach, there is no going back. There is perhaps appreciation and gratitude,but not fulfillment with the way things were before.

Which leaves me (or anyone with a similar “high quality problem”) – where exactly?

Hungry for more? Definitely. A little sad to slow down and return to routine? Sure. But mostly in a place of greater expectations – for both myself and my fellow nonconformists.

I’ve been incredibly blessed with travel, resources, freedom and abundance beyond my own doing that it’s not enough for me to simply gorge on more (tempting though that is).

With greater frequency I’ve recently wondered why I’m being shown the splendor and richness of the world that I’ve been fortunate enough to experience and can only conclude there must be a greater purpose – a grander design to it — than my own personal fulfillment. At least, I’d like there to be.

As life continually reinforces, to those whom much is given much is expected. The last six weeks have given me what I used to live in six months or a year (or what some are lucky to experience in six years or a lifetime). Now that I’ve had a breather to reflect and recharge, I’ve decided what to do. I’ll be announcing that here next week.

In the meantime, stay hungry and stay nimble. That bar isn’t going to get any lower you know.

photo credit: JessyeAnne

I’m headed to Chris Guillebeau’s World Domination Summit (WDS) tomorrow, and honestly, I’m not sure what to expect. I’m going alone, and although I tangentially know some of the people who will be there, it’s starting out at least as a solo journey. Yet the mix of trepidation, anticipation and mystery I sense feels all too familiar to me as a seasoned traveler. It’s the same presentiment that always arises before a move into virgin territory.

That’s the thing about virgin territory – there’s an open-endedness, a blank slate quality, even an obscurity to it that disables you from seeing beyond but is exhilarating and provocative all the same, irresistibly luring you forward.

(By way of background, I’m attending the event this year because I considered Chris’ inaugural WDS last year, couldn’t make up my mind, and in the end missed my chance when it sold out. Regretting my decision, I knew I’d not repeat that mistake in 2012.)

Two nagging questions always arise before exploring virgin territory, and this time is no exception: 1) Will I be back? and 2) How will I be back?

That’s an oversimplified way of expressing my mind’s natural fear and curiosity over several things:

a) Whether or not I will literally return. Truth be told, I don’t take this too seriously – past experience seems to indicate a high likelihood of returning from most adventures short of say, scaling Mount Everest. And I’m not adventuring in Everest-leagues. Yet.

b) Whether or not I’ll want to return. This one’s weightier as I inevitably ponder how I might change such that I won’t want to come back to something that was my reality prior to leaving, OR be so drawn to the new territory that breaking away from it seems more painful than staying.

c) How I’ll be when I return. This question easily trumps the other two, for I haven’t made a journey yet that hasn’t involved a transformation, whether subtle or significant, so I know to expect it. How will I be different, and how will that affect everything yet to come?

To a true adventurer, virgin territory is seductive. I crave it, devour it, and savor it when I find it. Like finally making it to the Back Bowls of Vail Mountain this year (and almost over to Blue Sky Basin – which feels like skiing not at a world class resort, but in the wilds of the Colorado Rockies). Like windsurfing Pamlico sound off the shore of Waves, an obscurely small town in the Outer Banks of North Carolina a few weeks ago. Like skydiving, wave-running, trail hiking the desert, or horseback-riding through the Andes, anything can happen in virgin territory.

Often, though, nothing extraordinary happens on the outside. Usually, however, everything extraordinary happens on the inside.

When it comes to leaving our comfort zones for a journey into virgin territory, we’re all different and we all, I believe, have our sticking points. I’m the type to leap rather than ease my way out of my comfort zone, but only when it comes to physical feats. Not so emotional, where I desire and require considerable grace. Others are exactly the opposite, but we all have our challenges whether in the physical, mental, emotional or spiritual realms of virgin territory.

Knowing which of those four realms is easy for you to enter, and which is more difficult can be incredibly useful because when you leap in one, you also journey in the other three.

(Which – speaking of things virgin – reminds me of Richard Branson, perhaps the best living example of someone whose entire life has been one long ongoing venture into virgin territory (pardon the obvious puns) and who shows no signs of stopping. Having recently finished reading Losing My Virginity, Branson’s autobiography, I can tell you it’s remarkable how little any of us leave our comfort zones compared to that man. I digress, but if you need a little push into new territory, read that book. It’ll do the job nicely.)

So tell me – when was the last time you ventured into virgin territory and how did it happen? what did you find there? and what resulted on the other side?

Until next week, wish me well as I scale not a Himalayan summit, but this World Domination Summit, and ponder who I’ll meet, what I’ll learn, and how I’ll find myself upon return.

photo credit: manymeez

We’ve all heard the clichés – life is fleeting. Time flies. As I write this the year is already a third over and it feels like it just started. Some years are like that, and 2012 is one.

That doesn’t do you a lot of good if you don’t have a guidance system for navigating life when it’s moving at warp speed (and I realize to many of you, it’s only moving at warp speed!). You can plan and goal-set and task-list all day long but you know what they say about the best-laid plans, right? Yeah, they change. Or you change. Or the universe takes matters into its own hands and course-corrects you, like it or not.

Which is why I’ve been pondering this post from Vicky White for a while. Given a forced choice between the two, I think I’d rather have a compass on my journey than a detailed, specific set of directions.

I didn’t come to that decision lightly. I’ve often wished for a higher power to “come down” and literally tell me what to do next (now is one of those times, let me assure you!). Although angels or beings haven’t visually manifested and spoke to me (well, not yet anyway) I have discovered, during times when I need and want specifics, many effective processes to get them – journaling, self-inquiry, and meditation among the top choices. So in a sense, the detailed specific directions for where to turn next do indeed appear at any moment I’m truly lost, provided I ask for them.

The reason I’d rather have the compass than step-by-step directions is I want my journey to be fluid and flexible rather than rigid and pre-determined. I want to be able to imagineer my life, and to do so requires a non-linear path, the kind of path that involves twists, turns, changes of mind and direction, and most of all, leaps. I’ve learned it’s essential in this mode of travel to have a means of finding your true north again when the road you thought you’d take is under construction, or when the day-to-day has driven you straight off the detour or into a ditch.

On her post Vicky asked and answered the five questions below. I think they’re not only worth a broader share, but a public answer as well because they’re not just going to get you clear on where you want to go – they’re going to inspire you to keep going.

Life is, after all, not about the destination, but about the journey (or so I happen to believe).  We need the idea and excitement of the destination so we’ll be motivated to take the trip necessary to reach it. But in the end, we realize it’s not where we arrive, but who we serve and become along the way that matters most.

Here are the 5 questions, and here are my answers:

1)    Imagine this is the end of your life . . . what would you like to have said to the world?

• If you realized who you really are and lived from that truth, you’d have everything you could ever dream of
• You are the architect of your own life. Build something beautiful. Build something useful. Build it to last.
• There is no “us” and “them”. All separations are artificial. There is only “we”. What an incredible world it would be if we all remembered that, all the time
• You have two choices: you can be a victim, or an owner. It’s much more responsibility, but infinitely more rewarding, to be an owner
• The problem with love isn’t one of quantity OR quality. It’s that our experience of love is so limited and subjective. We don’t understand what love really is
• It’s all love

2)    What does the world need?

• More now, less past and future
• More heart, less mind
• More play, less work
• For more people to realize they are spiritual beings having a human experience rather than physical beings having a spiritual experience
• Awareness, awareness, awareness

3)    What are your greatest fears?

• Dying with regrets that I didn’t live, that I didn’t love, and that I didn’t take chances when I could have
• Leaving a life “unfinished”
• Not living my passions
• Taking big risks
• Not taking big risks

4)    What do you want more of?

• Laughter, kisses from fat sweet-smelling babies, sunny days, quiet sunrises, red sunsets, swims in the ocean, whales and dolphins, sex, romance, red wine, travel, exploration, adventure, skiing, new hiking terrain, delightful surprises, treasured memories, meaningful connections with others, blog readers, awakened conscious community, healed hearts, peace and cooperation.

5)    What inspires you?

• Nature
• Travel to new cultures and countries
• Fearlessness
• People who achieve their dreams WITHOUT resources but WITH great faith
• Success in spite of previous failure
• Anyone living in alignment with their passions/purpose

Do you see? The journey IS the destination.

I hope these questions inspire you – to make your journey rather than shy away from it; to re-orient when you get lost, and most of all to stay the course when the going gets tough. When you ask and answer these five questions for yourself you give yourself the greatest gift; your north star. See its brilliance? Allow it to guide you. Navigate well.

Write them out, print them out, hang them where you can see them daily, and if you feel so inclined, please share your answers below.

photo credit: Brittni Gee Photography

By now most of us have heard Ghandi’s famous exhortation “You must be the change you wish to see in the world”.  As we begin a new year, I propose we reverse his sage advice.

Better yet, apply it both ways.

I’ve pondered this a lot of late, deducing that both seeing and being the change we wish for are equally necessary and potent to manifesting it.  And given the accelerated rate of change (plus no signs of it abating), we’ll need both our powers of action and vision to manifest a more harmonious, abundant healthy world in 2012.

Is Your Vision 20-20 in 2012?

So to begin, ask yourself: When you dream, plan, desire and ponder the future, is your vision clear or cloudy?

How, day to day, when you speak to your children, your parents, your partner, your clients, do you see them?

Do you allow them to have their dreams, plans, desires and wishes without considering what they want a negation of your own?

Do you see more of the same you’ve experienced so far, or, does your imagination allow for seeing what you’d prefer instead? Does your thought process permit the vision of your ideal?

Blurred vision is so easy to have. Too easy, and most of us need a corrective prescription. Our family and relationship histories make us vulnerable to being emotionally triggered when we needn’t be. We interpret the actions (or in-actions) of others as a personal assault on ourselves. Most of the time, one has nothing to do with another.

• Your husband’s desire for more sex is not a negation of your need for more sleep.
• Your girlfriend’s wish to travel to Hawaii is not a slam on your desire to hike the Rockies.
• Your kids’ incessant curiosity about the muddy pond at the park is not a disregard of your desire to keep their clothes clean and do less laundry.

All are valid, both are necessary. It’s not an either/or world. Yet too often our conditioning, and the stories in our heads blind us to the truth.

Your ability to be the change hinges on your ability to clearly, consciously see a vision of the future without the dirty lenses of emotional baggage and history getting in the way.

How We Frame Things is Everything

And when it comes to framing things, the best news of the day is we get to choose.

A brief story: Last September I was scheduled, as I usually am in that month, to teach a seminar in New York City. This time however, a room at my customary Times Square hotel could not be procured – at any price.  In fact, three-star and above hotels all over Midtown (where I needed to be) were sold out. Seems there was a major United Nations General Assembly taking place the same week as my seminar and the city was packed.

The organization I was teaching for found me a room at (shall we just say without mentioning names) a less than stellar hotel.  Despite extensive web crawling of hotel and travel sites, I couldn’t do any better than their pick. So, the “historic” hotel with the bed bug reports from 2010 it was. I figured I could deal with darn near anything for only two nights.

It was disappointing, but it was the best that could be done under the circumstances.

There was a time this would have triggered emotions in me far more intense than disappointment – it would have angered me, I’d have wondered what I’d done to deserve it, or been eager to place blame. I’d have stewed in a soup of negativity and dread.

This time was different because I chose to see it differently. While luckily the hotel wasn’t quite as bad as I’d pictured (I had sprung for a room upgrade, for what it was worth) it was undeniably questionable (the kind of place you wouldn’t want to walk on the carpet barefoot). Still, I thought, if this is where circumstances were placing me, couldn’t there be a positive, vs. negative reason for it?

If my staying in a bed-bug-borderline hotel made more space for visiting United Nations members and their staffs to convene a more successful assembly which in turn led to greater worldwide political stability and harmony, wouldn’t sacrificing a little comfort for a worthy cause make sense? It was in alignment with my own intentions and desires, with my own purpose. It was the least I could do.

Choose How to Interpret What You See

It’s amazing to me how two different people can look at the world, or a situation, and see two totally different things; even more amazing that one person can do this all on his own. Everyone has self-validating filters. You can never know all the “why’s” something has occurred, nor will I ever know (nor do I care) the causal chain that affected my New York hotel stay. But, you can always choose how to interpret your circumstances – positively or negatively – as setbacks or as opportunities – lessons or punishments. We all know this, yet how often do we put it into practice?

As the year turns, I urge you to clean your windshield, set down your baggage, and make 2012 a year of consciously choosing how you will see the places, circumstances, people, relationships, and journeys in your life.

Then once your vision is clear, go – and be the change you now see.

 

 

photo credit: LenDog64

As you know if you’ve traveled yourself or read my other outer journey adventures every new journey reveals a special gift otherwise unavailable to you.

This trip is delivering early. That’s the thing about travel. You never know when the gifts will appear. They so often show up in the quiet spaces between big planned events, and of course when you least expect them.

I’m writing this on January 1 at 35,000 feet on a flight from Amsterdam to Istanbul on my latest outer journey accompanied by husband and daughter.

Amsterdam was meant to be nothing more than a short European connection on our way to Turkey, our principal destination, but since my daughter and I had never been there before we decided to make it an overnight stay. We were arriving on New Year’s Eve, after all, and this city is the party capital of Europe. What better place to celebrate?

But stateside, waiting in Atlanta’s airport before the overnight flight to cross the pond, I was melancholy. Continuing my reflections on 2011 and goal-setting for 2012, I looked back at the notes from my same process a year ago.  I’d accomplished some of what I wanted (and other things I hadn’t even set out to do) but not nearly to the scale I had envisioned and desired. I reviewed the challenges and disappointments from the previous year-end and realized most of my current challenges and disappointments were exactly the same.

It felt deeply like being stuck. Like I hadn’t progressed; at least not enough.  And with that realization two old friends, failure and fear, crept a little closer.

I boarded the 11:00pm flight to Amsterdam and mercifully fell asleep almost immediately. Deep slumber crept over me like a much appreciated, cherished blanket. Two hours into the flight, restless and woken by a screaming, suffering child who could not seem to calm itself despite the attempts of both parents and two crew members, I strolled the aisles of the 777. Pretty much everyone was asleep for the ride – small children haphazardly sprawled flat on the floor in the bulkheads and open spaces. Ah, to surrender that completely. The screaming baby at long last did, and I slept almost the entire remainder of the flight.

On arrival in Amsterdam we’d planned to hit the ground running and we did. Realizing we’d have only about half a daylight’s worth of time to see the sights, we made a beeline to one I’d been drawn to since I read her diary as a girl: Anne Frank’s House. It being New Year’s Eve, the house was closing early at five so we hustled over.

Even if you don’t already know the story of how the Jewish Frank family hid from the Nazis for two years in a small annex behind a sausage factory, it is almost impossible to complete the tour – made vivid by relatively recent videos of surviving Frank family friends – without tears. The despondency and final futility of their quest is heavy, palpable (only Mr. Frank, Anne’s father, ultimately survived the concentration camps). By the tour’s end I’d filled a couple of Kleenexes, yet still longed for the space and privacy to sit down and have a good cry.

Nevertheless, you can’t help but appreciate the miracle that is The Diary of Anne Frank itself. As she grew through her teens and filled not one but several journals in that hidden space, she discovered her calling – she wanted more than anything to be a novelist, a writer. Although she died at sixteen, she lived her purpose to a greater extent than she probably could ever have imagined.

I pondered by own scribblings – on this blog and elsewhere – and wondered what might survive my existence to touch the lives of others, and to what extent. Each of us will probably never know the totality of our impact on the world, but if The Diary of Anne Frank can come to light in the aftermath of the worst human tragedy known to man, certainly there is great hope that miracles can and will be revealed through everyone; through any one.

Time being of the essence, we shook off the bleakness of the museum and pushed onward. There was still much to see, and the city was coming alive with the approaching night. People were tossing what looked and sounded like M-80’s into the street at random. Little did we know these fireworks were barely a prelude to the apocalyptic show of pyromania that was yet to come.

We toured the Red Light District – consciously showing our fourteen year-old daughter the twenty-something (maybe) girls in windows, drugs at every door, marijuana shops. She was, as you might expect, repulsed, not by the sites so much as the feel of the area – the desperation, the wanting, the desire to go numb or escape with sex and drugs. I couldn’t help but stare at the scantily-clad girls in the windows – some clearly skilled seductresses, others looking forlorn and tired. More heartbreak.

After a stop for some fantastic local beer, dinner and (super-yummy) “Belgian” waffles, it was back to the hotel. We hadn’t planned it, but the hotel itself and our fourth-floor room in particular afforded a 270-degree view (another unexpected gift) of the fireworks which would be igniting the city that night. We had the best spot to watch them, and probably (considering the pyrotechnics we’d seen on the streets) the safest, so despite a local outdoor concert/celebration at the MuseumPlein nearby, we decided to stay in.

My husband immediately went down for a nap. My daughter went on Facebook. I was called to a long, hot soak in the tub where in between dozing, I realized I was cleansing not only my jet-lagged dirty body, but shedding much of what needed to be let go of in 2011.

As I washed away the gloominess, the failure, the disappointments of 2011, I surrendered the sorrow of Anne Frank’s short ill-fated life, the lost, enslaved, or misguided (take your pick) prostitutes of the Red Light district, the drifters and drug addicts lurking in the dark alleys of Amsterdam. I let it all go willingly, right down the drain.

Clean, refreshed, I dried off and brewed a pot of tea as I gently woke my husband for the fireworks display, truly unparalleled in our lifetimes. Not to make too big a point of it, but forty minutes of nonstop fireworks in every direction was a spectacle of pyrotechnic wonder that seemed like an amalgamation of every fireworks display I’d ever seen in my life happening all at once. We marveled at the extent and duration of the lights and colors, filming and photographing them between New Year’s hugs and kisses.

photo credit: Jesper2cv
photo credit: #Eelco

 

I fell blissfully asleep around 1:30 am, and slept more soundly than I have in months.

This morning the breakfast waiter told me the country (or was it just the city of Amsterdam?) had spent $70 million Euros on fireworks. And that was just for the legal ones. $100 million dollars on fireworks, is, I think, a little less than the GDP of a small poor Caribbean nation like Haiti.

No matter. This was a celebration of life, hope and rebirth in all its glory. The fact that I was there to witness it, no mistake.

Amsterdam – just a stopover, no. A catalyst, a transition, an inflection point – ja. And it is only the beginning of this incredible ten-day journey which, I suspect, will deliver additional gifts beyond my imagining (my husband and daughter have already scheduled a surprise side-trip to a destination unknown to me). More gifts or not, I feel as though I’ve already received the greatest blessing this journey beholds, for it has served as a wormhole, a portal, an eye of the needle I somehow was meant to pass through.

It has pointedly bookmarked the beginning of the rest of my life, in which (I decided in that Amsterdam bathtub) I am choosing to be happier, and kinder, and braver, and more abundant than I’ve considered possible so far. Because if a young Jewish girl can go from wealth to poverty to a torturous death and yet write one of the most famous and widely-read stories ever published (in over 70 languages) by the age of sixteen, what might the rest of us do? If Anne Frank could live “big”, her wide-open heart flourishing in a small confined space, how might we each live bigger despite our outer circumstances?

I don’t know about you, but I’m eager to find out. Welcome to 2012. Here’s to making it awesome.

 

photo credit: wrestlingentropy

This year for me, the holidays were quieter, simpler and less hectic than usual. Maybe it was the lack of travel (a rarity), absence of family visitors, or simply the days of the week on which actual holidays fell, but whatever the reasons I savored the calm spaciousness. As a result I’m relishing this time to thoughtfully reflect on the past year and sincerely contemplate my intentions, visions, and goals for 2012.

This is, to me, a big part of living consciously. Being in the moment and responding to what is, yes – that’s always called for – but conscious living also means having a clear intention and vision for the path ahead.

That’s even more necessary and powerful than it’s ever been before. Considering the shifting times we’re living through, the fact that we can consciously evolve – that we can choose how we want to progress both individually and collectively and remain conscious of it as it’s occurring – is a powerful opportunity not to be squandered or ignored.

For those living a life of utter (religious, service or familial) devotion, complete surrender is the path.  They are content to journey where they are needed most.  For the rest of us with more hybrid lives and their attendant wants, needs, dreams and passions, our journey boils down to two choices: a) consciously create a path or b) surrender to the random order of the universe as it creates a path for us.

Either choice is valid, but if you have specific desires, passions and intentions for 2012, the random path probably won’t deliver them. Remember, the universe responds to the actions and vibrations you put forth, so if you’re putting out a blank signal anything can show up and usually will. If that’s okay with you, be sure you’re open, flexible and prepared.

Me on the other hand – I’m pretty sure about what I want (and don’t want), but not always clear how to get it. That’s okay with me – I believe with clear intentions and consistent willing action, the “how” will be revealed along the way.

A Round-Up of Inspired Approaches

My own year-end review and goal-setting process for 2012 has been inspired by several writers I’ve followed over the last couple of years. To help you in your process, here’s a round-up of how some of them are using this time to reflect on the year coming to a close, and preparing for a conscious 2012:

Chris Guillebeau – The Art of Non-Conformity

Chris Guillebeau’s year-end review and annual theme selection inspired me to create my own process two years ago. Like Chris I use this time to review what has worked and not-worked in the previous year, and what I’d like to do differently in the coming year.  I do this in three areas of my life – business (work), personal, and purpose (vocation/passion).

Like Chris I also pick a theme for the year – I boil it down to a single word or idea of not only what I’d like the year to be about, but moreover how I’d like to be during the year. 2010’s Theme was “Bloom” (and in many ways, including the birth of this blog, I did). 2011’s was “Radiance”. I’m still noodling 2012’s, but after two years of blossoming and shining it’s not only going to be different, it will be much more specific.

I’ll keep you posted after I finish my year-end review and goal-setting process, but in the meantime I hope Chris’ 2011 wrap-up will inspire you to begin your own process too:

Annual Review: Looking Back

2011 Business Lessons Learned

Annual Review: Looking Forward

Susan Piver

Susan, on the other hand, uses a much more intuitive approach to taking stock and envisioning the future. Her suggestions for approaching the new year, and new year’s resolutions in particular, are among the freshest I’ve heard in a long time.  I hope you’ll take a moment to reflect on her wisdom here:

New Year’s Resolutions: Part 1

and here:

New Year’s Resolutions: Part 2

What Do You Do?

How do you take stock at year’s end? How do you anticipate and intend for the year to come? I hope you’ll share your ideas, thoughts and processes in comments below.

Whatever your approach, I wish you the all the bliss that is the special gift of this still, silent pause in the year and the hopeful expectancy of a rewarding life ahead.

photo credit: Theodore Scott

A Cautionary Tale

First, a little holiday story:

You’d have to be blind not to notice it was the largest present under the tree.  He had wrapped it as best he could, but still the bright paper and gaudy bow made it stand out like a flashy hotel on the Vegas Strip compared to the other gifts.

She couldn’t help but wonder what it could be; wonder or dread, she wasn’t sure which was the more accurate feeling. He hadn’t been much of a gift giver in the past, at least not the recent past.

For a second, she fondly remembered the precious gifts of jewelry he’d given her in the early years of their marriage. Nothing extravagant (they couldn’t afford it), yet the sapphire earrings and matching bracelet had been thoughtfully selected, delicate and tasteful, wrapped in small pretty packages. She also recalled the silver and gold bracelet (a custom creation by one of her favorite artists that she wore almost daily) he’d surprised her with one Valentine’s Day after seeing her covet it in the shop window at Christmas.

It had been years since he’d given her anything like that.

This was clearly not jewelry, judging by the size of the box. She pictured small kitchen appliances that might fit the bill. Maybe it was a toaster oven, a slow-cooker, or an ice cream maker. In any case, ick, ick and ick.

She worried he spent too much money. Maybe after so much time away from gift shopping and giving he was now trying to redeem himself by over-compensating. Hmmm . . . if it was a big-ticket item, she wondered what kind of dent this might put in their vacation budget for the year . . .

Worse yet, it was probably something he thought she’d love but didn’t have the slightest need or desire for. Proof of how little he knew her now, or cared to.

She sighed, thinking this was the year their marriage might finally reach the last straw.  Maybe she should just go ahead and file for divorce  – get t over with and get on with her life before she was stuck for good in what (judging by the mounting evidence) seemed a passionless, lifeless relationship.

***

He watched her, eying his gift, with childlike anticipation.  He couldn’t wait for her to open it, to see he was finally giving her what he’d so often held back but knew she always wanted.

A few months ago, after yet another long-haul business trip to Asia, he realized how withdrawn they’d both become from each other. His frequent travel was usually manageable, but the cumulative effect of so many years of it was now unmistakably taking its toll on not only her, but him.

He was tired of feeling disconnected from – well, practically everything except his job – coming and going and popping in and out of what was supposed to be his life so often that there was now almost zero continuity to his relationships with family and friends. He could see that every time he left, his wife and two boys seemed to get by better and better without him. The boys were big enough to really help around the house now, even mowing the lawn and washing the cars once a week.

So right after Thanksgiving, rather than scouring the Black Friday sales for some luxury handbag she might like or getting her the usual spa gift card he robotically produced every year, he began preparing his new Christmas gift for his wife.  He’d made his decision.  This year, he would give her his whole heart, all his love, without holding back.

He gathered his love into a bright, shiny nebula of brilliance.  He added a significant and steady amount of companionship in the form of long walks on the beach, a vacation without the kids, and weekly dinner dates alone. He blended a healthy dose of passion, sex and romance into the mix, and finally completed his creation with gratitude, appreciation, and respect – all the long-held feelings of his now open heart that he’d been meaning to share but found it so difficult to express.  When he was done, his creation was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen – so beautiful he almost hated to have to box and wrap it.

Just thinking about it again brought tears to his eyes now as he caught her inquisitive gaze, clearly trying to figure out what was in the box.

* * *

To Give is Divine, but It’s Not the Whole Story

What little we know of life’s gifts. How limited we are to receive them. Yet, how much we need them and can flourish from them if only we could be truly open to receiving.

In this holiday season, so focused on giving and gifting, I say it’s high time we learn to receive.

Does that strike you as funny? That we have to learn to receive? Yet the reality is most of us have mastered defensive, self-protective behaviors so well that (consciously or unconsciously) we block our own ability to receive. Both individual and cultural conditioning bear their share of blame.

Women especially struggle with this. We sacrifice endlessly (and often unwillingly, complaining all the way) for our families, jobs, clients and community. Doing, giving, and contributing. Yet when help comes calling, our traditional first world pioneering self-reliant boot-strap conditioning takes over and as much as we desire to receive, we can’t. We’re so busy with outflow that nothing can flow in.

Are you open to receiving? Really open? We all say we want to win the lottery or a free car or find our dream man but if a gift that amazing actually showed up on your doorstep, would you welcome it with open arms, or find reasons to keep it at arm’s length?

Sometimes it’s hard to know exactly what any of us would do in a given circumstance until we encounter it for real, but there are clues that you might be more closed than open to receiving.  Ask yourself if, when you’ve been given a gift, you’ve ever:

• Criticized, analyzed or inspected it
• Found fault with it
• Made excuses for why you were not worthy to receive it
• Made excuses for why the giver was not worthy enough to give it
• Made excuses for why the giver “shouldn’t have”
• Felt indebted by it
• Needed to know how much it cost
• Felt the need to control when and how the gift was purchased, or know as much as possible about that process

All are signs of the usually unconscious (if not subconscious) barriers we each have toward receiving.

The truth is, when you put energy out, it flows back to you.  And it feels absolutely, positively marvelous to let it.

How I Learned to Receive

Teaching physical fitness classes this year taught me how to be open to receiving.

There were those summer Saturdays, those 90-degree-plus days, where I would have much rather stayed in bed than teach my noon Zumba class. There are the Fridays when I’d definitely rather sleep late than teach my 7:00 a.m. yoga class. I get tired. My muscles get sore. I get bored by the routine, or the music. We all do.

Inevitably, I’ll arrive at a class and see the hungry enthusiasm on the faces of the ladies there (average age about 50, seriously) and it elevates me, carries me, lifts me every time. And I let it.

After a while of this I learned I don’t always have to bring the energy to the class. More often than not, the class brings the energy to me, and I’m grateful each and every time it does, because then I not only benefit from it, but can channel it back.

In that way, by receiving we can truly give.

How often in life are we so preoccupied with controlling, directing, managing and supervising – with energy outflow – that the gift of inflow is completely blocked?

A Solstice Wish: Let the Light In

The day I write this marks the December solstice. It is the darkest day of the year in the northern hemisphere, the longest lightest day in the southern.

Wherever you live, it is the perfect opportunity to begin learning to receive. To allow the light already flowing to you to enter you.

Stop. Breathe. Listen. Be Still. And in that space, receive and experience the gifts that are meant for you. The gifts that are there for the receiving.

They are divine, they are magnificent, and they will buoy you to a point where you no longer need the energy to direct, control and manage everything around you. By receiving you will be able to effortlessly give.

My fondest holiday wish for you is that you become open to receiving this season, and stay open to receiving all year long. Happy Holidays.

 

photo credit: seantoyer

To say holiday family gatherings can be challenging is a gross understatement.  Take attendant seasonal stress, combine with deeply-ingrained behavior patterns rearing their ugly heads, mix in a few triggering personalities, a smattering of cultural conditioning, and finally toss in forced togetherness with people you might see (and begrudgingly at that) just once a year, and we’ve plenty to deal with right there.

Add a desire to express your spirituality, or moreover, share your enthusiasm over a spiritual awakening into this mix and it can be like throwing gasoline on a burning yuletide flame.

I don’t want to paint too bleak a picture or lapse into dysfunctional family stereotyping (easy as it would be to go there). Of course, not all families are dysfunctional nor geographically and emotionally disconnected. Yet the fact remains that family members estranged by time or distance often come home to roost at the holidays, making for uncommon interactions between people who don’t see one another on a regular basis.  The holidays also involve more socializing than other times of the year do, and much of it happens in contexts that are ripe for confrontation, judgment, and argument.

If you’re newer to spiritual exploration, and especially if you’ve had a sudden and distinct spiritual awakening (as I did) religious holidays like Christmas and Chanukah and their ritual celebrations offer both challenge and opportunity, with more than a cup of nostalgia thrown in.

On the one hand, there’s the “before”: the you you were a year or two ago, going with the flow, talking the talk, walking the walk, singing the songs without question and in contented ignorance of anything beyond what you knew.  On the other hand, there’s the “after”: the you you are now, which can range from confusion to “none of this makes sense anymore” to outright rejection of traditional religious or holiday norms.

Challenge

There you sit, having to explain to your family why maybe you’re not participating in the usual religious practices or don’t believe the same things about God that they still do.  Maybe you can no longer comfortably and authentically conform to social rituals you used to easily embrace, like taking the kids to see Santa, sending holiday cards or buying gifts out of a sense of obligation or expectation.

The sometimes bitter irony is that your family members are both the people closest to you (the people most of us have deeply-rooted emotional desires to be unconditionally loved and accepted by) yet also the least likely to board your spiritual wagon train and come along for the ride.  To them, you are who you’ve always been (and “God only knows” what it is you think you’ve discovered or what this enlightenment mumbo-jumbo is all about).

Some will be intrigued by you; some confused; some in complete denial that anything is different; and some downright antagonistic. (I’ve heard “we’re all tired of all this spirituality talk” from one close family member already.)

To you, they may as well be on another planet now. It can seem as though never the twain shall meet.

Opportunity

Lest we forget, I harken back to the opportunity aspect of the holidays. Love is infinite. Potential is infinite. Which means, everything is possible, even coming – and staying – out of the spiritual closet in the midst of perhaps the most traditionally religious time of the year and among your closest friends and relatives.

Before I share holiday (or anytime) survival tips for staying spiritually centered that have worked for me, it bears mentioning that people tend to use the holidays to make big announcements.  They save up good news like impending engagements, marriages, new homes and babies to share with as many people at once as possible. It’s convenient but also exciting to convey what is typically perceived as universal good news that way.

Be aware however, that the opposite is also true.  If you’re planning to make a big pronouncement, perhaps about your newfound spiritual orientation, sexual orientation, (change in any orientation), or something that might NOT be perceived as universally celebratory, you might want to think twice about doing it now. Just because everyone is convened more often and in greater number than usual doesn’t mean you need to make formal announcements about your personal life.

In fact, I encourage you to be the change you’ve grown into versus talk about it. You don’t have to stay in the spiritual closet, but you don’t have to come out both guns blazing either.

Five Tips for Spiritually-Centered Harmonious Holidays

Here are five bits of wisdom I’ve found make for harmonious, honest and authentic holiday gatherings (and relationships in general):

1.  No preaching or converting.  Put it out of your mind. Don’t try to recruit companions on your journey. It’s your journey and yours alone, and even if you have found conscious company in the form of a group or organization, don’t expect those in your daily life to instantly hop on board simply because you ask. This bears remembering. After all, if you’ve ever been on the receiving end of what sounded like preaching or being recruited, did you like it? Probably not. Ick.

You may be enthused about your journey and want more than anything for those closest to you to share the joy. It’s a pitfall almost everyone experiences at first. I’ve been there myself, and like most I had to learn the hard way that each person walks  his own path in his own time.

After first discovering the bliss and benefits of meditation, I wanted more than anything to share that practice with my husband. He had zero interest.  The more I cajoled and persuaded and pushed, the more he resisted until I finally stopped. Five years later, after actually watching me meditate (but otherwise be silent about it), he’s just starting to be interested.

Everyone walks their own path in their own time. Write that down on a post-it note and stick it in your pocket before your next family gathering. We’ll come back to this. .

2.  Connect where and how you can. While you don’t want to preach or convert, that doesn’t mean you can’t meaningfully and spiritually connect with those around you. Do find what common ground you have and stand in it. Despite surface appearances, we’re all more alike than we are different. This is a time to focus on what you share with people, not on what divides you.

So your fundamentalist Christian cousin believes Mary conceived Jesus without intercourse and takes the Bible literally. Let her. Focus on the message rather than the minutia. The message of Jesus is love. The details of his life don’t matter (and 2,000 years later we can never know for sure what happened anyway); it’s his teaching that does.

So your mom gets uncomfortable when you start talking about your revised concept of God and wants to bake cookies. Change the topic and bake the cookies (unless you absolutely hate baking).

3.  Be honest and authentic.  You don’t have to justify, rationalize, or prove why you think or believe as you do. To be perceived as authentic, however, you do have to practice it.  This can be uncomfortable at first, and difficult if not impossible in the midst of past conditioning and psychological family triggers.

Simply talking about your journey, or expressing particular teachings and insights can seem strange and daunting at first.  It took me about a year of small, cautious conversations to be comfortable and open speaking and writing about spirituality and my journey in particular; and there will always be degrees of comfort and openness for most of us.

If asked, today I can calmly, truthfully and respectfully explain and convey my experiences, practices and beliefs without a) feeling I have to prove anything b) fear of judgment and c) expecting I’ll be perceived as a hippie or freak. I can allow others their experiences and beliefs, realizing it’s a “both/and” not “either/or” world.

You can always arm yourself with simple responses to questions about your spiritual journey, like “I’m exploring my spiritual side”, “I’m interested in asking deeper questions about life,” or “I wasn’t fulfilled by my past religion/tradition so I’m intelligently investigating other options.” Most people understand and respect a genuine quest for fulfillment, introspection and happiness.

There is no right or wrong, no you vs. me (although the ego would have us believe otherwise).  Which leads me to the fourth tip:

4.  Don’t, under any circumstances, argue about religion or spirituality. Sound too obvious? This can be a tough one for the spiritual seeker who may have experienced a radically expanded or shifted worldview as the result of direct spiritual experience vs. conventional religious teachings.

There you are, knowing from your own direct experience what spirit, God, and love are and wanting all others to experience and feel what you have, yet you’ll encounter many who haven’t even begun to explore direct spiritual experience or practice.

They’re on a religious or group-think train, blindly believing and repeating information they’ve been told vs. sharing first hand knowledge of what they have felt and done (clue: they probably don’t have any first-hand knowledge yet). They are not ready, or interested, in questioning the status quo. And that’s okay.

The reasons are many, but boil down to “everyone walks their own path in their own time”. (Remember the post-it note in your pocket?).

If and when you feel like arguing your point of view, stop. Breathe. Be silent. Listen. Especially if you’re surrounded by the highly intellectual, logical, or scientifically-minded people, forget it. You will lose.

Recognize any desire to win or prove a point as the ego’s need for superiority, and choose to rest in spirit instead. Remember your goals – to practice as you believe, to connect on common ground, to have harmonious happy holidays; not to win intellectual debates. That said, the greatest opportunity of the holidays awaits:

5.  Savor kindred spirits. If the conversation does turn toward spirituality or your experiences and journey in particular, you may find a kindred spirit or two is genuinely interested and resonating with you. When that happens naturally, enjoy it! I guarantee you it will happen, and it will usually happen where and when you least expect it (holidays or otherwise). Case in point:

Since I first met my husband, who is from a large, close Mexican family, we’ve often celebrated Christmas (we were both raised Catholic) in Mexico. Talk about tradition. Although I was no stranger to the holiday, Christmas in Mexico was so novel to me that for years I really enjoyed it.

But over time I noticed the same “going through the motions” of the holiday that I would see Catholics practice at Christmas in the US. People showing up for church that day and ignoring their religion the other 364 days of the year. Singing songs with no meaning. Repeating the same traditions each year without knowing or questioning why. Eating the same foods. Not all people, but many.

Then one of my husband’s cousins began reading my blog, and we began discussing spirituality, our desire for deeper questioning, exploration, and a direct experience of source and spirit separate from what we’d been taught growing up. Through her broken English and my broken Spanish I found a kindred spirit in a country and context I least expected.

When you find a kindred spirit or two, be grateful for their company. Savor it.

Coming Out of the Spiritual Closet

I finally came to realize the artificiality of my perceived boundaries around spirituality; that any time, place or person can be a kindred spirit. I’d be at business conference cocktail hours and the conversation would turn to spirituality. I’d have lunch with a client and the conversation would turn to spirituality. I’d meet a stranger and the conversation would turn to spirituality. Until suddenly, it didn’t seem at all strange to talk about spirituality. In fact, even if I didn’t care to discuss it, it would come up.

It took a few additional years to realize what was happening. Like attracts like. The core of your being is love. Your ability to create is limitless. Your spirit is infinitely capable of forgiveness and mercy.  Your essence is infinite.

When you are fully out of the spiritual closet, these aspects of self are reflected and resonating all around you. So just be yourself. Everything will be fine.

I’d like to know – what have you found to be trying holiday interactions and effective practices for staying spiritually centered when they come up? What works for you?