photo credit: manymeez

We’ve all heard the clichés – life is fleeting. Time flies. As I write this the year is already a third over and it feels like it just started. Some years are like that, and 2012 is one.

That doesn’t do you a lot of good if you don’t have a guidance system for navigating life when it’s moving at warp speed (and I realize to many of you, it’s only moving at warp speed!). You can plan and goal-set and task-list all day long but you know what they say about the best-laid plans, right? Yeah, they change. Or you change. Or the universe takes matters into its own hands and course-corrects you, like it or not.

Which is why I’ve been pondering this post from Vicky White for a while. Given a forced choice between the two, I think I’d rather have a compass on my journey than a detailed, specific set of directions.

I didn’t come to that decision lightly. I’ve often wished for a higher power to “come down” and literally tell me what to do next (now is one of those times, let me assure you!). Although angels or beings haven’t visually manifested and spoke to me (well, not yet anyway) I have discovered, during times when I need and want specifics, many effective processes to get them – journaling, self-inquiry, and meditation among the top choices. So in a sense, the detailed specific directions for where to turn next do indeed appear at any moment I’m truly lost, provided I ask for them.

The reason I’d rather have the compass than step-by-step directions is I want my journey to be fluid and flexible rather than rigid and pre-determined. I want to be able to imagineer my life, and to do so requires a non-linear path, the kind of path that involves twists, turns, changes of mind and direction, and most of all, leaps. I’ve learned it’s essential in this mode of travel to have a means of finding your true north again when the road you thought you’d take is under construction, or when the day-to-day has driven you straight off the detour or into a ditch.

On her post Vicky asked and answered the five questions below. I think they’re not only worth a broader share, but a public answer as well because they’re not just going to get you clear on where you want to go – they’re going to inspire you to keep going.

Life is, after all, not about the destination, but about the journey (or so I happen to believe).  We need the idea and excitement of the destination so we’ll be motivated to take the trip necessary to reach it. But in the end, we realize it’s not where we arrive, but who we serve and become along the way that matters most.

Here are the 5 questions, and here are my answers:

1)    Imagine this is the end of your life . . . what would you like to have said to the world?

• If you realized who you really are and lived from that truth, you’d have everything you could ever dream of
• You are the architect of your own life. Build something beautiful. Build something useful. Build it to last.
• There is no “us” and “them”. All separations are artificial. There is only “we”. What an incredible world it would be if we all remembered that, all the time
• You have two choices: you can be a victim, or an owner. It’s much more responsibility, but infinitely more rewarding, to be an owner
• The problem with love isn’t one of quantity OR quality. It’s that our experience of love is so limited and subjective. We don’t understand what love really is
• It’s all love

2)    What does the world need?

• More now, less past and future
• More heart, less mind
• More play, less work
• For more people to realize they are spiritual beings having a human experience rather than physical beings having a spiritual experience
• Awareness, awareness, awareness

3)    What are your greatest fears?

• Dying with regrets that I didn’t live, that I didn’t love, and that I didn’t take chances when I could have
• Leaving a life “unfinished”
• Not living my passions
• Taking big risks
• Not taking big risks

4)    What do you want more of?

• Laughter, kisses from fat sweet-smelling babies, sunny days, quiet sunrises, red sunsets, swims in the ocean, whales and dolphins, sex, romance, red wine, travel, exploration, adventure, skiing, new hiking terrain, delightful surprises, treasured memories, meaningful connections with others, blog readers, awakened conscious community, healed hearts, peace and cooperation.

5)    What inspires you?

• Nature
• Travel to new cultures and countries
• Fearlessness
• People who achieve their dreams WITHOUT resources but WITH great faith
• Success in spite of previous failure
• Anyone living in alignment with their passions/purpose

Do you see? The journey IS the destination.

I hope these questions inspire you – to make your journey rather than shy away from it; to re-orient when you get lost, and most of all to stay the course when the going gets tough. When you ask and answer these five questions for yourself you give yourself the greatest gift; your north star. See its brilliance? Allow it to guide you. Navigate well.

Write them out, print them out, hang them where you can see them daily, and if you feel so inclined, please share your answers below.

Related posts:

1. Transitioning Into 2012: What I left behind in Amsterdam on New Year’s Eve
2. The Secret to Getting Anywhere: Feel Your Way
3. The Push

photo credit: Brittni Gee Photography

By now most of us have heard Ghandi’s famous exhortation “You must be the change you wish to see in the world”.  As we begin a new year, I propose we reverse his sage advice.

Better yet, apply it both ways.

I’ve pondered this a lot of late, deducing that both seeing and being the change we wish for are equally necessary and potent to manifesting it.  And given the accelerated rate of change (plus no signs of it abating), we’ll need both our powers of action and vision to manifest a more harmonious, abundant, healthy world in 2012.

Is Your Vision 20-20 in 2012?

So to begin, ask yourself: When you dream, plan, desire and ponder the future, is your vision clear or cloudy?

How, day to day, when you speak to your children, your parents, your partner, your clients, do you see them?

Do you allow them to have their dreams, plans, desires and wishes without considering what they want a negation of your own?

Do you see more of the same you’ve experienced so far, or, does your imagination allow for seeing what you’d prefer instead? Does your thought process permit the vision of your ideal?

Blurred vision is so easy to have. Too easy, and most of us need a corrective prescription. Our family and relationship histories make us vulnerable to being emotionally triggered when we needn’t be. We interpret the actions (or in-actions) of others as a personal assault on ourselves. Most of the time, one has nothing to do with another.

• Your husband’s desire for more sex is not a negation of your need for more sleep.
• Your girlfriend’s wish to travel to Hawaii is not a slam on your desire to hike the Rockies.
• Your kids’ incessant curiosity about the muddy pond at the park is not a disregard of your desire to keep their clothes clean and do less laundry.

All are valid, both are necessary. It’s not an either/or world. Yet too often our conditioning, and the stories in our heads blind us to the truth.

Your ability to be the change hinges on your ability to clearly, consciously see a vision of the future without the dirty lenses of emotional baggage and history getting in the way.

How We Frame Things is Everything

And when it comes to framing things, the best news of the day is we get to choose.

A brief story: Last September I was scheduled, as I usually am in that month, to teach a seminar in New York City. This time however, a room at my customary Times Square hotel could not be procured – at any price.  In fact, three-star and above hotels all over Midtown (where I needed to be) were sold out. Seems there was a major United Nations General Assembly taking place the same week as my seminar and the city was packed.

The organization I was teaching for found me a room at (shall we just say without mentioning names) a less than stellar hotel.  Despite extensive web crawling of hotel and travel sites, I couldn’t do any better than their pick. So, the “historic” hotel with the bed bug reports from 2010 it was. I figured I could deal with darn near anything for only two nights.

It was disappointing, but it was the best that could be done under the circumstances.

There was a time this would have triggered emotions in me far more intense than disappointment – it would have angered me, I’d have wondered what I’d done to deserve it, or been eager to place blame. I’d have stewed in a soup of negativity and dread.

This time was different because I chose to see it differently. While luckily the hotel wasn’t quite as bad as I’d pictured (I had sprung for a room upgrade, for what it was worth) it was undeniably questionable (the kind of place you wouldn’t want to walk on the carpet barefoot). Still, I thought, if this is where circumstances were placing me, couldn’t there be a positive, vs. negative reason for it?

If my staying in a bed-bug-borderline hotel made more space for visiting United Nations members and their staffs to convene a more successful assembly which in turn led to greater worldwide political stability and harmony, wouldn’t sacrificing a little comfort for a worthy cause make sense? It was in alignment with my own intentions and desires, with my own purpose. It was the least I could do.

Choose How to Interpret What You See

It’s amazing to me how two different people can look at the world, or a situation, and see two totally different things; even more amazing that one person can do this all on his own. Everyone has self-validating filters. You can never know all the “why’s” something has occurred, nor will I ever know (nor do I care) the causal chain that affected my New York hotel stay. But, you can always choose how to interpret your circumstances – positively or negatively – as setbacks or as opportunities – lessons or punishments. We all know this, yet how often do we put it into practice?

As the year turns, I urge you to clean your windshield, set down your baggage, and make 2012 a year of consciously choosing how you will see the places, circumstances, people, relationships, and journeys in your life.

Then once your vision is clear, go – and be the change you now see.

Related posts:

1. Carrot, Egg or Coffee: Which Are You?
2. How Wide is Your Lens?
3. Behind the Scenes of Shifting – Part 1

photo credit: LenDog64

As you know if you’ve traveled yourself or read my other outer journey adventures every new journey reveals a special gift otherwise unavailable to you.

This trip is delivering early. That’s the thing about travel. You never know when the gifts will appear. They so often show up in the quiet spaces between big planned events, and of course when you least expect them.

I’m writing this on January 1 at 35,000 feet on a flight from Amsterdam to Istanbul on my latest outer journey accompanied by husband and daughter.

Amsterdam was meant to be nothing more than a short European connection on our way to Turkey, our principal destination, but since my daughter and I had never been there before we decided to make it an overnight stay. We were arriving on New Year’s Eve, after all, and this city is the party capital of Europe. What better place to celebrate?

But stateside, waiting in Atlanta’s airport before the overnight flight to cross the pond, I was melancholy. Continuing my reflections on 2011 and goal-setting for 2012, I looked back at the notes from my same process a year ago.  I’d accomplished some of what I wanted (and other things I hadn’t even set out to do) but not nearly to the scale I had envisioned and desired. I reviewed the challenges and disappointments from the previous year-end and realized most of my current challenges and disappointments were exactly the same.

It felt deeply like being stuck. Like I hadn’t progressed; at least not enough.  And with that realization two old friends, failure and fear, crept a little closer.

I boarded the 11:00pm flight to Amsterdam and mercifully fell asleep almost immediately. Deep slumber crept over me like a much appreciated, cherished blanket. Two hours into the flight, restless and woken by a screaming, suffering child who could not seem to calm itself despite the attempts of both parents and two crew members, I strolled the aisles of the 777. Pretty much everyone was asleep for the ride – small children haphazardly sprawled flat on the floor in the bulkheads and open spaces. Ah, to surrender that completely. The screaming baby at long last did, and I slept almost the entire remainder of the flight.

On arrival in Amsterdam we’d planned to hit the ground running and we did. Realizing we’d have only about half a daylight’s worth of time to see the sights, we made a beeline to one I’d been drawn to since I read her diary as a girl: Anne Frank’s House. It being New Year’s Eve, the house was closing early at five so we hustled over.

Even if you don’t already know the story of how the Jewish Frank family hid from the Nazis for two years in a small annex behind a sausage factory, it is almost impossible to complete the tour – made vivid by relatively recent videos of surviving Frank family friends – without tears. The despondency and final futility of their quest is heavy, palpable (only Mr. Frank, Anne’s father, ultimately survived the concentration camps). By the tour’s end I’d filled a couple of Kleenexes, yet still longed for the space and privacy to sit down and have a good cry.

Nevertheless, you can’t help but appreciate the miracle that is The Diary of Anne Frank itself. As she grew through her teens and filled not one but several journals in that hidden space, she discovered her calling – she wanted more than anything to be a novelist, a writer. Although she died at sixteen, she lived her purpose to a greater extent than she probably could ever have imagined.

I pondered by own scribblings – on this blog and elsewhere – and wondered what might survive my existence to touch the lives of others, and to what extent. Each of us will probably never know the totality of our impact on the world, but if The Diary of Anne Frank can come to light in the aftermath of the worst human tragedy known to man, certainly there is great hope that miracles can and will be revealed through everyone; through any one.

Time being of the essence, we shook off the bleakness of the museum and pushed onward. There was still much to see, and the city was coming alive with the approaching night. People were tossing what looked and sounded like M-80’s into the street at random. Little did we know these fireworks were barely a prelude to the apocalyptic show of pyromania that was yet to come.

We toured the Red Light District – consciously showing our fourteen year-old daughter the twenty-something (maybe) girls in windows, drugs at every door, marijuana shops. She was, as you might expect, repulsed, not by the sites so much as the feel of the area – the desperation, the wanting, the desire to go numb or escape with sex and drugs. I couldn’t help but stare at the scantily-clad girls in the windows – some clearly skilled seductresses, others looking forlorn and tired. More heartbreak.

After a stop for some fantastic local beer, dinner and (super-yummy) “Belgian” waffles, it was back to the hotel. We hadn’t planned it, but the hotel itself and our fourth-floor room in particular afforded a 270-degree view (another unexpected gift) of the fireworks which would be igniting the city that night. We had the best spot to watch them, and probably (considering the pyrotechnics we’d seen on the streets) the safest, so despite a local outdoor concert/celebration at the MuseumPlein nearby, we decided to stay in.

My husband immediately went down for a nap. My daughter went on Facebook. I was called to a long, hot soak in the tub where in between dozing, I realized I was cleansing not only my jet-lagged dirty body, but shedding much of what needed to be let go of in 2011.

As I washed away the gloominess, the failure, the disappointments of 2011, I surrendered the sorrow of Anne Frank’s short ill-fated life, the lost, enslaved, or misguided (take your pick) prostitutes of the Red Light district, the drifters and drug addicts lurking in the dark alleys of Amsterdam. I let it all go willingly, right down the drain.

Clean, refreshed, I dried off and brewed a pot of tea as I gently woke my husband for the fireworks display, truly unparalleled in our lifetimes. Not to make too big a point of it, but forty minutes of nonstop fireworks in every direction was a spectacle of pyrotechnic wonder that seemed like an amalgamation of every fireworks display I’d ever seen in my life happening all at once. We marveled at the extent and duration of the lights and colors, filming and photographing them between New Year’s hugs and kisses.

photo credit: Jesper2cv
photo credit: #Eelco

I fell blissfully asleep around 1:30 am, and slept more soundly than I have in months.

This morning the breakfast waiter told me the country (or was it just the city of Amsterdam?) had spent $70 million Euros on fireworks. And that was just for the legal ones. $100 million dollars on fireworks, is, I think, a little less than the GDP of a small poor Caribbean nation like Haiti.

No matter. This was a celebration of life, hope and rebirth in all its glory. The fact that I was there to witness it, no mistake.

Amsterdam – just a stopover, no. A catalyst, a transition, an inflection point – ja. And it is only the beginning of this incredible ten-day journey which, I suspect, will deliver additional gifts beyond my imagining (my husband and daughter have already scheduled a surprise side-trip to a destination unknown to me). More gifts or not, I feel as though I’ve already received the greatest blessing this journey beholds, for it has served as a wormhole, a portal, an eye of the needle I somehow was meant to pass through.

It has pointedly bookmarked the beginning of the rest of my life, in which (I decided in that Amsterdam bathtub) I am choosing to be happier, and kinder, and braver, and more abundant than I’ve considered possible so far. Because if a young Jewish girl can go from wealth to poverty to a torturous death and yet write one of the most famous and widely-read stories ever published (in over 70 languages) by the age of sixteen, what might the rest of us do? If Anne Frank could live “big”, her wide-open heart flourishing in a small confined space, how might we each live bigger despite our outer circumstances?

I don’t know about you, but I’m eager to find out. Welcome to 2012. Here’s to making it awesome.

Related posts:

1. To The Mountaintop and Back
2. Five Guiding Questions for Living Life to the Fullest
3. New Year’s Reflection and Inspiration: Consciously Approaching 2012

photo credit: wrestlingentropy

This year for me, the holidays were quieter, simpler and less hectic than usual. Maybe it was the lack of travel (a rarity), absence of family visitors, or simply the days of the week on which actual holidays fell, but whatever the reasons I savored the calm spaciousness. As a result I’m relishing this time to thoughtfully reflect on the past year and sincerely contemplate my intentions, visions, and goals for 2012.

This is, to me, a big part of living consciously. Being in the moment and responding to what is, yes – that’s always called for – but conscious living also means having a clear intention and vision for the path ahead.

That’s even more necessary and powerful than it’s ever been before. Considering the shifting times we’re living through, the fact that we can consciously evolve – that we can choose how we want to progress both individually and collectively and remain conscious of it as it’s occurring – is a powerful opportunity not to be squandered or ignored.

For those living a life of utter (religious, service or familial) devotion, complete surrender is the path.  They are content to journey where they are needed most.  For the rest of us with more hybrid lives and their attendant wants, needs, dreams and passions, our journey boils down to two choices: a) consciously create a path or b) surrender to the random order of the universe as it creates a path for us.

Either choice is valid, but if you have specific desires, passions and intentions for 2012, the random path probably won’t deliver them. Remember, the universe responds to the actions and vibrations you put forth, so if you’re putting out a blank signal anything can show up and usually will. If that’s okay with you, be sure you’re open, flexible and prepared.

Me on the other hand – I’m pretty sure about what I want (and don’t want), but not always clear how to get it. That’s okay with me – I believe with clear intentions and consistent willing action, the “how” will be revealed along the way.

A Round-Up of Inspired Approaches

My own year-end review and goal-setting process for 2012 has been inspired by several writers I’ve followed over the last couple of years. To help you in your process, here’s a round-up of how some of them are using this time to reflect on the year coming to a close, and preparing for a conscious 2012:

Chris Guillebeau – The Art of Non-Conformity

Chris Guillebeau’s year-end review and annual theme selection inspired me to create my own process two years ago. Like Chris I use this time to review what has worked and not-worked in the previous year, and what I’d like to do differently in the coming year.  I do this in three areas of my life – business (work), personal, and purpose (vocation/passion).

Like Chris I also pick a theme for the year – I boil it down to a single word or idea of not only what I’d like the year to be about, but moreover how I’d like to be during the year. 2010’s Theme was “Bloom” (and in many ways, including the birth of this blog, I did). 2011’s was “Radiance”. I’m still noodling 2012’s, but after two years of blossoming and shining it’s not only going to be different, it will be much more specific.

I’ll keep you posted after I finish my year-end review and goal-setting process, but in the meantime I hope Chris’ 2011 wrap-up will inspire you to begin your own process too:

Annual Review: Looking Back

2011 Business Lessons Learned

Annual Review: Looking Forward

Susan Piver

Susan, on the other hand, uses a much more intuitive approach to taking stock and envisioning the future. Her suggestions for approaching the new year, and new year’s resolutions in particular, are among the freshest I’ve heard in a long time.  I hope you’ll take a moment to reflect on her wisdom here:

New Year’s Resolutions: Part 1

and here:

New Year’s Resolutions: Part 2

What Do You Do?

How do you take stock at year’s end? How do you anticipate and intend for the year to come? I hope you’ll share your ideas, thoughts and processes in comments below.

Whatever your approach, I wish you the all the bliss that is the special gift of this still, silent pause in the year and the hopeful expectancy of a rewarding life ahead.

Related posts:

1. How Wide is Your Lens?
2. Transitioning Into 2012: What I left behind in Amsterdam on New Year’s Eve
3. See the Change You Wish to Be

photo credit: Theodore Scott

A Cautionary Tale

First, a little holiday story:

You’d have to be blind not to notice it was the largest present under the tree.  He had wrapped it as best he could, but still the bright paper and gaudy bow made it stand out like a flashy hotel on the Vegas Strip compared to the other gifts.

She couldn’t help but wonder what it could be; wonder or dread, she wasn’t sure which was the more accurate feeling. He hadn’t been much of a gift giver in the past, at least not the recent past.

For a second, she fondly remembered the precious gifts of jewelry he’d given her in the early years of their marriage. Nothing extravagant (they couldn’t afford it), yet the sapphire earrings and matching bracelet had been thoughtfully selected, delicate and tasteful, wrapped in small pretty packages. She also recalled the silver and gold bracelet (a custom creation by one of her favorite artists that she wore almost daily) he’d surprised her with one Valentine’s Day after seeing her covet it in the shop window at Christmas.

It had been years since he’d given her anything like that.

This was clearly not jewelry, judging by the size of the box. She pictured small kitchen appliances that might fit the bill. Maybe it was a toaster oven, a slow-cooker, or an ice cream maker. In any case, ick, ick and ick.

She worried he spent too much money. Maybe after so much time away from gift shopping and giving he was now trying to redeem himself by over-compensating. Hmmm . . . if it was a big-ticket item, she wondered what kind of dent this might put in their vacation budget for the year . . .

Worse yet, it was probably something he thought she’d love but didn’t have the slightest need or desire for. Proof of how little he knew her now, or cared to.

She sighed, thinking this was the year their marriage might finally reach the last straw.  Maybe she should just go ahead and file for divorce  – get t over with and get on with her life before she was stuck for good in what (judging by the mounting evidence) seemed a passionless, lifeless relationship.

***

He watched her, eying his gift, with childlike anticipation.  He couldn’t wait for her to open it, to see he was finally giving her what he’d so often held back but knew she always wanted.

A few months ago, after yet another long-haul business trip to Asia, he realized how withdrawn they’d both become from each other. His frequent travel was usually manageable, but the cumulative effect of so many years of it was now unmistakably taking its toll on not only her, but him.

He was tired of feeling disconnected from – well, practically everything except his job – coming and going and popping in and out of what was supposed to be his life so often that there was now almost zero continuity to his relationships with family and friends. He could see that every time he left, his wife and two boys seemed to get by better and better without him. The boys were big enough to really help around the house now, even mowing the lawn and washing the cars once a week.

So right after Thanksgiving, rather than scouring the Black Friday sales for some luxury handbag she might like or getting her the usual spa gift card he robotically produced every year, he began preparing his new Christmas gift for his wife.  He’d made his decision.  This year, he would give her his whole heart, all his love, without holding back.

He gathered his love into a bright, shiny nebula of brilliance.  He added a significant and steady amount of companionship in the form of long walks on the beach, a vacation without the kids, and weekly dinner dates alone. He blended a healthy dose of passion, sex and romance into the mix, and finally completed his creation with gratitude, appreciation, and respect – all the long-held feelings of his now open heart that he’d been meaning to share but found it so difficult to express.  When he was done, his creation was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen – so beautiful he almost hated to have to box and wrap it.

Just thinking about it again brought tears to his eyes now as he caught her inquisitive gaze, clearly trying to figure out what was in the box.

* * *

To Give is Divine, but It’s Not the Whole Story

What little we know of life’s gifts. How limited we are to receive them. Yet, how much we need them and can flourish from them if only we could be truly open to receiving.

In this holiday season, so focused on giving and gifting, I say it’s high time we learn to receive.

Does that strike you as funny? That we have to learn to receive? Yet the reality is most of us have mastered defensive, self-protective behaviors so well that (consciously or unconsciously) we block our own ability to receive. Both individual and cultural conditioning bear their share of blame.

Women especially struggle with this. We sacrifice endlessly (and often unwillingly, complaining all the way) for our families, jobs, clients and community. Doing, giving, and contributing. Yet when help comes calling, our traditional first world pioneering self-reliant boot-strap conditioning takes over and as much as we desire to receive, we can’t. We’re so busy with outflow that nothing can flow in.

Are you open to receiving? Really open? We all say we want to win the lottery or a free car or find our dream man but if a gift that amazing actually showed up on your doorstep, would you welcome it with open arms, or find reasons to keep it at arm’s length?

Sometimes it’s hard to know exactly what any of us would do in a given circumstance until we encounter it for real, but there are clues that you might be more closed than open to receiving.  Ask yourself if, when you’ve been given a gift, you’ve ever:

• Criticized, analyzed or inspected it
• Found fault with it
• Made excuses for why you were not worthy to receive it
• Made excuses for why the giver was not worthy enough to give it
• Made excuses for why the giver “shouldn’t have”
• Felt indebted by it
• Needed to know how much it cost
• Felt the need to control when and how the gift was purchased, or know as much as possible about that process

All are signs of the usually unconscious (if not subconscious) barriers we each have toward receiving.

The truth is, when you put energy out, it flows back to you.  And it feels absolutely, positively marvelous to let it.

How I Learned to Receive

Teaching physical fitness classes this year taught me how to be open to receiving.

There were those summer Saturdays, those 90-degree-plus days, where I would have much rather stayed in bed than teach my noon Zumba class. There are the Fridays when I’d definitely rather sleep late than teach my 7:00 a.m. yoga class. I get tired. My muscles get sore. I get bored by the routine, or the music. We all do.

Inevitably, I’ll arrive at a class and see the hungry enthusiasm on the faces of the ladies there (average age about 50, seriously) and it elevates me, carries me, lifts me every time. And I let it.

After a while of this I learned I don’t always have to bring the energy to the class. More often than not, the class brings the energy to me, and I’m grateful each and every time it does, because then I not only benefit from it, but can channel it back.

In that way, by receiving we can truly give.

How often in life are we so preoccupied with controlling, directing, managing and supervising – with energy outflow – that the gift of inflow is completely blocked?

A Solstice Wish: Let the Light In

The day I write this marks the December solstice. It is the darkest day of the year in the northern hemisphere, the longest lightest day in the southern.

Wherever you live, it is the perfect opportunity to begin learning to receive. To allow the light already flowing to you to enter you.

Stop. Breathe. Listen. Be Still. And in that space, receive and experience the gifts that are meant for you. The gifts that are there for the receiving.

They are divine, they are magnificent, and they will buoy you to a point where you no longer need the energy to direct, control and manage everything around you. By receiving you will be able to effortlessly give.

My fondest holiday wish for you is that you become open to receiving this season, and stay open to receiving all year long. Happy Holidays.

Related posts:

1. Do You Know Who You Really Are, and Are You Living As If You Believe It?
2. The Longing for Home
3. Your Holiday Survival Guide to Staying Spiritually Centered

photo credit: seantoyer

To say holiday family gatherings can be challenging is a gross understatement.  Take attendant seasonal stress, combine with deeply-ingrained behavior patterns rearing their ugly heads, mix in a few triggering personalities, a smattering of cultural conditioning, and finally toss in forced togetherness with people you might see (and begrudgingly at that) just once a year, and we’ve plenty to deal with right there.

Add a desire to express your spirituality, or moreover, share your enthusiasm over a spiritual awakening into this mix and it can be like throwing gasoline on a burning yuletide flame.

I don’t want to paint too bleak a picture or lapse into dysfunctional family stereotyping (easy as it would be to go there). Of course, not all families are dysfunctional nor geographically and emotionally disconnected. Yet the fact remains that family members estranged by time or distance often come home to roost at the holidays, making for uncommon interactions between people who don’t see one another on a regular basis.  The holidays also involve more socializing than other times of the year do, and much of it happens in contexts that are ripe for confrontation, judgment, and argument.

If you’re newer to spiritual exploration, and especially if you’ve had a sudden and distinct spiritual awakening (as I did) religious holidays like Christmas and Chanukah and their ritual celebrations offer both challenge and opportunity, with more than a cup of nostalgia thrown in.

On the one hand, there’s the “before”: the you you were a year or two ago, going with the flow, talking the talk, walking the walk, singing the songs without question and in contented ignorance of anything beyond what you knew.  On the other hand, there’s the “after”: the you you are now, which can range from confusion to “none of this makes sense anymore” to outright rejection of traditional religious or holiday norms.

Challenge

There you sit, having to explain to your family why maybe you’re not participating in the usual religious practices or don’t believe the same things about God that they still do.  Maybe you can no longer comfortably and authentically conform to social rituals you used to easily embrace, like taking the kids to see Santa, sending holiday cards or buying gifts out of a sense of obligation or expectation.

The sometimes bitter irony is that your family members are both the people closest to you (the people most of us have deeply-rooted emotional desires to be unconditionally loved and accepted by) yet also the least likely to board your spiritual wagon train and come along for the ride.  To them, you are who you’ve always been (and “God only knows” what it is you think you’ve discovered or what this enlightenment mumbo-jumbo is all about).

Some will be intrigued by you; some confused; some in complete denial that anything is different; and some downright antagonistic. (I’ve heard “we’re all tired of all this spirituality talk” from one close family member already.)

To you, they may as well be on another planet now. It can seem as though never the twain shall meet.

Opportunity

Lest we forget, I harken back to the opportunity aspect of the holidays. Love is infinite. Potential is infinite. Which means, everything is possible, even coming – and staying – out of the spiritual closet in the midst of perhaps the most traditionally religious time of the year and among your closest friends and relatives.

Before I share holiday (or anytime) survival tips for staying spiritually centered that have worked for me, it bears mentioning that people tend to use the holidays to make big announcements.  They save up good news like impending engagements, marriages, new homes and babies to share with as many people at once as possible. It’s convenient but also exciting to convey what is typically perceived as universal good news that way.

Be aware however, that the opposite is also true.  If you’re planning to make a big pronouncement, perhaps about your newfound spiritual orientation, sexual orientation, (change in any orientation), or something that might NOT be perceived as universally celebratory, you might want to think twice about doing it now. Just because everyone is convened more often and in greater number than usual doesn’t mean you need to make formal announcements about your personal life.

In fact, I encourage you to be the change you’ve grown into versus talk about it. You don’t have to stay in the spiritual closet, but you don’t have to come out both guns blazing either.

Five Tips for Spiritually-Centered Harmonious Holidays

Here are five bits of wisdom I’ve found make for harmonious, honest and authentic holiday gatherings (and relationships in general):

1.  No preaching or converting.  Put it out of your mind. Don’t try to recruit companions on your journey. It’s your journey and yours alone, and even if you have found conscious company in the form of a group or organization, don’t expect those in your daily life to instantly hop on board simply because you ask. This bears remembering. After all, if you’ve ever been on the receiving end of what sounded like preaching or being recruited, did you like it? Probably not. Ick.

You may be enthused about your journey and want more than anything for those closest to you to share the joy. It’s a pitfall almost everyone experiences at first. I’ve been there myself, and like most I had to learn the hard way that each person walks  his own path in his own time.

After first discovering the bliss and benefits of meditation, I wanted more than anything to share that practice with my husband. He had zero interest.  The more I cajoled and persuaded and pushed, the more he resisted until I finally stopped. Five years later, after actually watching me meditate (but otherwise be silent about it), he’s just starting to be interested.

Everyone walks their own path in their own time. Write that down on a post-it note and stick it in your pocket before your next family gathering. We’ll come back to this. .

2.  Connect where and how you can. While you don’t want to preach or convert, that doesn’t mean you can’t meaningfully and spiritually connect with those around you. Do find what common ground you have and stand in it. Despite surface appearances, we’re all more alike than we are different. This is a time to focus on what you share with people, not on what divides you.

So your fundamentalist Christian cousin believes Mary conceived Jesus without intercourse and takes the Bible literally. Let her. Focus on the message rather than the minutia. The message of Jesus is love. The details of his life don’t matter (and 2,000 years later we can never know for sure what happened anyway); it’s his teaching that does.

So your mom gets uncomfortable when you start talking about your revised concept of God and wants to bake cookies. Change the topic and bake the cookies (unless you absolutely hate baking).

3.  Be honest and authentic.  You don’t have to justify, rationalize, or prove why you think or believe as you do. To be perceived as authentic, however, you do have to practice it.  This can be uncomfortable at first, and difficult if not impossible in the midst of past conditioning and psychological family triggers.

Simply talking about your journey, or expressing particular teachings and insights can seem strange and daunting at first.  It took me about a year of small, cautious conversations to be comfortable and open speaking and writing about spirituality and my journey in particular; and there will always be degrees of comfort and openness for most of us.

If asked, today I can calmly, truthfully and respectfully explain and convey my experiences, practices and beliefs without a) feeling I have to prove anything b) fear of judgment and c) expecting I’ll be perceived as a hippie or freak. I can allow others their experiences and beliefs, realizing it’s a “both/and” not “either/or” world.

You can always arm yourself with simple responses to questions about your spiritual journey, like “I’m exploring my spiritual side”, “I’m interested in asking deeper questions about life,” or “I wasn’t fulfilled by my past religion/tradition so I’m intelligently investigating other options.” Most people understand and respect a genuine quest for fulfillment, introspection and happiness.

There is no right or wrong, no you vs. me (although the ego would have us believe otherwise).  Which leads me to the fourth tip:

4.  Don’t, under any circumstances, argue about religion or spirituality. Sound too obvious? This can be a tough one for the spiritual seeker who may have experienced a radically expanded or shifted worldview as the result of direct spiritual experience vs. conventional religious teachings.

There you are, knowing from your own direct experience what spirit, God, and love are and wanting all others to experience and feel what you have, yet you’ll encounter many who haven’t even begun to explore direct spiritual experience or practice.

They’re on a religious or group-think train, blindly believing and repeating information they’ve been told vs. sharing first hand knowledge of what they have felt and done (clue: they probably don’t have any first-hand knowledge yet). They are not ready, or interested, in questioning the status quo. And that’s okay.

The reasons are many, but boil down to “everyone walks their own path in their own time”. (Remember the post-it note in your pocket?).

If and when you feel like arguing your point of view, stop. Breathe. Be silent. Listen. Especially if you’re surrounded by the highly intellectual, logical, or scientifically-minded people, forget it. You will lose.

Recognize any desire to win or prove a point as the ego’s need for superiority, and choose to rest in spirit instead. Remember your goals – to practice as you believe, to connect on common ground, to have harmonious happy holidays; not to win intellectual debates. That said, the greatest opportunity of the holidays awaits:

5.  Savor kindred spirits. If the conversation does turn toward spirituality or your experiences and journey in particular, you may find a kindred spirit or two is genuinely interested and resonating with you. When that happens naturally, enjoy it! I guarantee you it will happen, and it will usually happen where and when you least expect it (holidays or otherwise). Case in point:

Since I first met my husband, who is from a large, close Mexican family, we’ve often celebrated Christmas (we were both raised Catholic) in Mexico. Talk about tradition. Although I was no stranger to the holiday, Christmas in Mexico was so novel to me that for years I really enjoyed it.

But over time I noticed the same “going through the motions” of the holiday that I would see Catholics practice at Christmas in the US. People showing up for church that day and ignoring their religion the other 364 days of the year. Singing songs with no meaning. Repeating the same traditions each year without knowing or questioning why. Eating the same foods. Not all people, but many.

Then one of my husband’s cousins began reading my blog, and we began discussing spirituality, our desire for deeper questioning, exploration, and a direct experience of source and spirit separate from what we’d been taught growing up. Through her broken English and my broken Spanish I found a kindred spirit in a country and context I least expected.

When you find a kindred spirit or two, be grateful for their company. Savor it.

Coming Out of the Spiritual Closet

I finally came to realize the artificiality of my perceived boundaries around spirituality; that any time, place or person can be a kindred spirit. I’d be at business conference cocktail hours and the conversation would turn to spirituality. I’d have lunch with a client and the conversation would turn to spirituality. I’d meet a stranger and the conversation would turn to spirituality. Until suddenly, it didn’t seem at all strange to talk about spirituality. In fact, even if I didn’t care to discuss it, it would come up.

It took a few additional years to realize what was happening. Like attracts like. The core of your being is love. Your ability to create is limitless. Your spirit is infinitely capable of forgiveness and mercy.  Your essence is infinite.

When you are fully out of the spiritual closet, these aspects of self are reflected and resonating all around you. So just be yourself. Everything will be fine.

I’d like to know – what have you found to be trying holiday interactions and effective practices for staying spiritually centered when they come up? What works for you?

Related posts:

1. Stumbling Into Spirituality
2. You Don’t Have to Analyze the Garbage Before You Throw It Out
3. The Power of Conscious Choice

This time of year, much of the northern hemisphere grows cold. Often the change in climate makes it easy for our hearts to grow cold too. We contract our bodies to stay warm, add extra layers to insulate ourselves. If we’re not mindful, our emotional bodies will mimic our physical bodies until we’re tucked tight in our cocoons, aptly-shelled until spring’s thaw.

For those of us living in the northern hemisphere, it’s certainly fitting that we celebrate heart-opening holidays like Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Christmas and Kwanzaa during the darkest, coldest season of our year.

Then again, some of us get a free pass. Since I live in south Florida, this time of year marks the boundary between our wet and dry seasons, a welcome transition from balmy, moist sultry summers to cool, crisp delightfully sunny winters. It’s as if the season of heat gives birth to the season of light, both of which I resonate with and cherish deeply.

It Wasn’t Always This Way

Before seven years ago I lived in Chicago (“up north” as we call it down here). Back then this time of year felt drastically different to me than it does now. It was – physically and energetically – a time of decease, decay, and retreat.

It was a time I absolutely dreaded, clinging to the final sunny days of autumn in desperation all the while knowing the weather could pivot like a turncoat at any moment. Despite increased gatherings at the holidays, the beginning signs of social hibernation would set in as friends and family retreated more and more into the caves of their homes rather than venture outdoors. We were bracing for the long five-month winter’s onslaught, like a steel door slamming shut on life.

That’s not my reality anymore, and I’m grateful. Grateful for so much. Grateful to have been given the chance to learn we each have the power and choice to create our own realities. Grateful for the ease and grace of Florida living. Grateful for the year-round closeness to nature and active outdoor lifestyle that comes with it. Perhaps most of all, grateful that a gentle passage from one season I love to the next I adore has allowed me to remain in thankfulness and appreciation all the time; and as a result has revealed the incredible, transformational, heart-opening power of gratitude.

What We Learn by Giving Thanks

A few years ago I didn’t know that power. Since then I have learned it is one of the greatest and most direct routes to happiness because one thing’s for sure: dwelling in its opposite (thanklessness) certainly isn’t going to make you happy, nor will it get you what you want.

Instead, when I’m feeling a little down or worried and noticing the treadmill of my mind revolving toward despair and lack (as it so easily can for any of us), I consciously change my focus, if even for a few moments.

Yes, you could argue, I’m lucky, because a mere glance out the window makes it almost effortless for me to do so. The truth, however, is that it’s just as effortless to look outward as it is to look inward, so it’s not easy just for me to refocus. It’s easy for any of us to refocus on gratitude, anytime we want.  Really, there are no excuses.

Yet to do so successfully means starting small.  When what you don’t have or don’t want is big, focusing on the small can seem insignificant.  It’s not.

To shift quickly into gratitude, I invite you to try these five simple steps:

1)   Are you breathing? Can you breathe without supplemental aids or portable oxygen? Feel gratitude for the flow of life through your body.

2)   Are you mobile, even if it’s with the aid of a wheelchair, cane or mobility machine? Feel gratitude for the flow of motion through your body.

3)   Who brings you joy? Spend a moment savoring the person/people. Feel gratitude for the flow of friendship and love through your life.

4)   Do you have work that earns an income? Feel gratitude for the flow of money to your life and the flow of service from it.

5)   Finally, where is your life most abundant? Perhaps it’s in the area of physical health, financial wealth, friends, children, talent, creativity, or time. Despite times of lack, we each have an area of our lives in which we almost always feel abundant. Pinpoint yours, and be grateful for your abundance. In fact, write it down.

Getting started is that easy.  Actually, it’s easier, which is why this exercise is such an obvious crutch. Really, it doesn’t matter what you’re grateful for.  All that matters is that you immerse yourself in the emotion of gratitude, then hold that space.

Take a dip; swim around in gratitude for a while, won’t you? Then, let me know what follows, okay?

In the meantime, I’m headed back outside to savor the blossoms and the butterflies and reflect upon how grateful I am for you, dear reader.

Thank you.

(Author’s note: I took the photo above and wrote this post outdoors at the Morikami Museum and Japanese Gardens, one of my favorite places on earth.)

Gratitude is one route to happiness, but there are many. If you’d like more, you’ll find them in the new Accidental Seeker guidebook “Seven Simple Steps Into Happiness”. Head back to the top of this post to download it for free at upper right.

Related posts:

1. The Power of Conscious Choice
2. Carrot, Egg or Coffee: Which Are You?
3. Your Holiday Survival Guide to Staying Spiritually Centered

photo credit: Ambernectar 13

Another parable (author unknown) landed in my inbox recently, and I feel it’s pithy enough to share.  Called “Carrots, Eggs and Coffee” here it is:

Carrots, Eggs and Coffee

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up.  She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.

Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me what you see.”

“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma the daughter then asked, “What does it mean, mother?”

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently.

• The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.
• The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its insides became hardened.
• The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?”

You Can Choose Who To Be

Are you the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do you wilt and lose your strength?

Or are you the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with heat? Did you have a fluid spirit, but after a death, breakup, financial hardship or some other trial, have you become rigid and stiff? Does your shell look the same, but on the inside are you bitter and tough, disconnected from spirit with a hardened heart?

Or are you like the coffee bean? The bean actually transforms the hot water, the very circumstance that brings it pain. When the water gets hot, the coffee releases its fragrance and flavor. If you are like the coffee bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is darkest and challenges are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean? You may have started as a carrot or egg, but the beauty of life is you can consciously choose who to be.

Here’s hoping you choose to be coffee.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything that comes their way.  Need a little help figuring out how they do it? Download the Accidental Seeker Seven Simple Steps Into Happiness free guidebook. Just sign-up at right for instant access and please, tell me how it works for you, okay?

Related posts:

1. Behind the Scenes of Shifting – Part 1
2. Welcome to The Shift
3. What Do Prince William and Princess Catherine, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Oprah Have in Common?

photo credit: Kazz.0

Much is being made of today’s date, 11-11-11. Elevens are not new to me, since for the past four to five years I’ve been seeing them all over the place – on digital clocks, parking spaces, hotel rooms I’m randomly assigned, phone numbers – you name it.  I normally wake up at least once each night and it’s almost always at 2:11 or 3:11 or 1:22 or – you get the idea. I see 11’s when I glance at the digital clock on my iPhone, in my car, or on my alarm clock far more often as a percentage of the total times I look at the clock per hour than is normal, considering there are sixty numerals that could appear.

You can read more about the 11 phenomenon here, but for now suffice it to say today is as good a day as any, and probably a better day than most, for this post.

My last post expressed an unexpected but potent ethereal longing for a return to source – the place both beyond and from which our known world emanates.  Today I’m inspired to express a longing quite the opposite, and hopefully, to inspire it in you.

There are times we all want to escape the day-to-day reality of our three dimensional experience, but most of these times are not a soul’s longing for source.  Most of our escape fantasies are the result of a disconnect from the here and now rather than a deep connect with spirit. Most desires to opt-out occur because at the moment we have them, we’re not really living. We’re just going through the motions, killing time before we die.  Many are, in fact, already dead and just don’t know it.

So before you really do die, I want you to really live.

Ask Yourself: When Do I Feel Most Alive?

“Really living” is a relative term, of course, meaning different things to different people. For the cyber-junkie spending 12 hours a day in front of a screen, “really living” might mean having a social face-to-face interaction with a live human being that does not involve technology. To the workaholic, it could mean an afternoon spent playing with the kids. To the busy mom, continually fulfilling her family’s needs often at the expense of her own, it might mean a spa day or a night out with friends.

But what if “really living” were as easy and uncomplicated as deciding, every day, to actually DO the simple things that bring you joy – like taking a walk on the beach or spending an hour reading at your favorite coffee shop – that we all excuse away because there are constant, seemingly greater demands staring us in the face? And to not do these things as a means of procrastination (that’s easy enough) but to consciously include them in our lives as a way to remain connected to our happiness? How often do you dream about those little nurturing moments and never get around to them?

(If you’re struggling with that, my new Seven Simple Steps Into Happiness guidebook can help. It’s free. Download it at right)

In my own case, I’ve learned to stop and smell the roses. I live in a place where it’s almost impossible not to. Before I did, I suffered severe burnout and depression to the point of seeing how I was living wasn’t worth the price of my happiness. So I do the little things, like the beach walks and coffee shop visits and 10-minute meditations – almost every day.

But here’s the thing: once you make them a regular habit, the bar will be raised.

Because in my case, I feel most alive when I travel, and as you know if you’ve read these posts, I crave it. So while you’re here, yes, take time to stop and smell the roses, stroll the beach and sip your favorite latte. But know that the more you break out of your “should” box and venture into your “joy” space, the more powerfully life will flow through you, until the small ripples, enjoyable as they are, won’t satisfy you nearly as much as the rushing current.

That’s exactly why travel, which is a significant manifestation of time, energy, money and motion – is so powerful in this regard. See the world. Don’t put if off. Even the smallest taste of life outside your normal circle will allow you to understand just how much more you will treasure experiences than obligations and things.

What is your “normal circle?” If you never leave your city, go beyond it. If you haven’t vacationed outside your home state, cross the state line. Haven’t left your country of origin yet? Time to get a passport. Hesitant to venture outside the boundaries of the first world? Plan a trip to Africa, India, Asia or Peru. It’s time.

Time is an Illusion

It’s not time simply because it’s 11-11-11, said to be a powerful date for manifesting desires. Nor is it time just because I said so. It’s time because if you’re reading this, and you have the means to travel, and you still haven’t pushed your boundaries, you should. This is for you who can and have not yet done. Because the truth is, there is no tomorrow (we just assume there will be). You have only today, and you’re losing time every minute.

Most importantly, the world needs more people who both can and will do to inspire everyone else even less comfortable and even more afraid to break out of their boundary zones. (So yeah, I’m saying  if this is resonating with you it’s time to step up.)

Not to be a downer, but I live in South Florida, you see, and it’s the beginning of high “season”, when our snowbirds – seasonal residents averaging age 70 – return for the winter. Being surrounded by seniors affords me a birds-eye view of what it looks like to live fully while you still can. Our “active adults” are exactly that – a lively population, out and about daily. Sadly, seeing them also illuminates with laser focus what life looks like when it’s “too late” and wheelchairs, canes, obesity, diabetes, vision problems and other health issues limit mobility and quality of life.

Not one of us younger folk things this will be us someday, and it doesn’t have to be. Only your conscious choice to allow life to flow unimpeded through you now will prevent blockages later. Think about that.

The Road Untraveled Is Exactly the Route to Take

It saddens me to no end to think that members of my immediate circle – friends and family alike – people who have the means, motive and opportunity to see many of the wonders of the world I have been lucky enough to experience, won’t, for a variety of reasons. For some, because of limiting beliefs. For others, unconscious choices. For still others, even if they want to it will be too late.

They won’t marvel, jaws dropped, at the majesty of the Sistine Chapel. They won’t gaze upon it and ponder how Michelangelo – or any human for that matter – laid on his back for four years painting a space a quarter the size of a football field. They won’t look heavenward in wonder at the Pyramids at Giza, feeling the cool antiquity of the 5,000-year old stone, wise and vigilant like a giant sentinel of human history. They won’t be astonished by the mountaintop isolation yet scalpel-like precision of the ruins at Machu Pichu. They won’t feel the heat of the Israeli dessert, or taste the salt of the Dead Sea. They’ll miss the flavor of fresh bananas from Costa Rica and the melt of a Tibetan snowflake on the tongue.

They will instead work longer, harder hours to earn the bonus that will pay for the new granite kitchen counter-tops. They’ll opt for the annual familiar yet obligatory visit to the grand kids instead of the Alaskan cruise. They’ll put the money away for a rainy day, or their kids’ college education, or pay down the mortgage. They’ll spend $100 and three hours at the mall on a new pair of shoes instead of a passport. They’ll stay close to home, avoid the nightmare of the security lines at the airport, and spare themselves those pesky terrorism threats.

They’ll be safe, they’ll be comfortable, and they’ll be secure. Until one day, when the obligations are fulfilled and the kids are grown and their health is failing and they realize it’s too late. As death approaches, they’ll wonder if they should have lived a little more while they had the chance.

I’ve been blessed to have been broken (and a few times, dragged) out of my comfort zone to see parts of the world I wouldn’t otherwise have chosen to. Based on my experience, I can tell you it’s worth not having the granite counter-tops (I know, I’ve been a homeowner for almost twenty years and still don’t have ‘em, never did, and still want them!), worth the airport security lines and connections and international time changes. Worth the ungodly long trans-Pacific flights and a little less money for the kids’ college.

But I can only lead a horse to water, it’s up to you to drink. You’re here to drink in the richness of this world while you can. We’re all here to take our fill of the fruits of this world and create with them all we desire to add to the infinite potential for all.

Do it before you die.

Related posts:

1. The Secret to Getting Anywhere: Feel Your Way
2. To The Mountaintop and Back
3. The Longing for Home

There are times when even the most seasoned of travelers can become deeply homesick.

Today is one of those days for me.

It doesn’t happen often – I don’t trend toward nostalgia and homesickness – but they have caught me off guard every now and then when I’m on one of my numerous outer journeys.

Today was different.

Today, a distinct and wholly unexpected longing for home came up.  Since I am not enjoying an “outer journey” at the moment (I’m at home) it took me by surprise.

Really, it was all Captain Picard’s fault.  Yes I mean Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise, he of Star Trek: the Next Generation fame.  Since discovering this series in re-runs on BBC America’s cable channel this summer, I’ve been engrossed in a retrospective viewing marathon.  I have no shame in admitting I’m a die-hard fan of both the show and Patrick Stewart, who played Picard. (Disclaimer: I would not describe myself as a “Trekkie” but I might be borderline. Admittedly scoffing at the cheesiness of the original Star Trek, I’m more exclusively a Next Generation fan).

What Does Star Trek Have to Do With This?

For those of you unfamiliar with Star Trek lore, Star Trek: The Next Generation first aired almost twenty-five years ago and enjoyed a seven year run.  My husband and I, neither of whom would admit to even once watching an original Star Trek episode, had just met and were dating when we were surprised and delighted by our mutual fondness for the series reprisal.  We would “geek out” and devotedly tune into each new Next Generation episode. Now, I digitally record the series (a fresh episode airs daily on BBC America) and am finding there were many shows I seem to have missed. Lucky me.

If you as nostalgic about this show as I, let me call your attention to the Star Trek: Next Generation episode that caused today’s cascade. It’s Season 4′s First Contact. A bit of background:

Plot synopsis: The Enterprise is on a mission to establish first contact between the Federation and the planet Malcor. The Malcorians are a humanoid species on the cusp of building warp-capable spacecraft which would enable them far-reaching travel beyond their solar system. While conducting undercover reconnaissance for the mission, Riker is injured and captured by the Malcorians, requiring Picard to speed up the timeline for contact in order to recover him. Picard and Counselor Troy beam down and establish a relationship with female chief space scientist Mirasta Yale, and subsequently with the planet’s leader, Chancellor Durken. The drama with Riker and predictable Malcorian fear of alien invasion plays out. In the end, despite Mirasta’s strong objections, the Chancellor ultimately decides his world is not ready for introduction to the United Federation of Planets at present and insists on waiting. Picard honors his request and is about to depart.

(My analysis: The episode is an obvious and thinly-veiled allegory of a probable first contact scenario on Earth and our lack of readiness for inter-planetary reality. Yes I hope I live to see the day but am not holding my breath.)

The last five minutes of the show is what did it for me.  Mirasta and Chancellor Durken are aboard the Enterprise, ready to beam back down to their planet at the conclusion of their final meeting with Picard when this exchange takes place:

Mirasta: “I have one last request, Captain.  Take me with you.”

Chancellor: “She will be unhappy with the restrictions I must place upon her at home, Captain.”

Picard (to Mirasta): “We may not be back here in your lifetime and I have to believe that you cannot be fully prepared for the realities of space travel.”

Mirasta (with deep conviction): “I have been prepared for the realities of space travel since I was nine years old and sitting in a planetarium.”

At which point Picard and the Chancellor consent to Mirasta’s request. She smiles from ear to ear, barely able to suppress her childlike glee, and follows Lieutenant Worf off to her new quarters on the ship.

Right Then I Felt Terribly Homesick

A well of emotion rose in me, a deep longing like Mirasta’s, but for what? Suddenly, I burst into tears.

• No, I am not, to my conscious knowledge, an alien being from another world.  As far as I am aware, I’m a human Earthling (at least in this incarnation).

• No, I have not had a burning lifelong desire for inter-stellar space travel. Given the opportunity, I would probably take it, but am not ashamed to admit I couldn’t cut ties as quickly and cleanly, nor leave as unconditionally, as Mirasta.

• No, I have not been depressed, sad, troubled or angry lately.  In fact, I can’t remember the last time I cried, but it was at least months ago.  This sudden gush contained none of those emotions; instead, it was a spontaneous release that felt of wanton longing for a deeply, deeply beloved.

Then What Was It?

No sooner did I ask the question than the realization came. Mirasta’s longing to experience the universe beyond her world, lifelong work toward it, and sudden delivery into it triggered an emotional memory in me of something that felt consciously forgotten and abruptly recalled.

Something so wonderful that I don’t know how I left it, but was sure I wanted it back.

This was no travel homesickness for the daily comforts of my own bed, a hug from my daughter or a tail wag from my adorable dog. This was a longing of Essence to reunite with Source. This was my soul’s longing to return to that from which it had come – what some call God, Spirit, the Beloved, the Creator. This was a thirst for transcendence, pure and simple. And because I neither wish nor plan to die soon, I think it’s going to be a while before that fully and permanently occurs.

It’s an inevitable consequence of awakening, I suppose. When you realize your Essence, allow it to flourish, and invite it to take dominion within you, you begin to live from it vs. the limited, egoic human existence most of us identify with in this lifetime.  There is no longer lasting satisfaction in the superficial contentment of the ego’s confines.  Sure, there are passing pleasures, there are the sensory delights of the human experience (jasmine flowers! chiles rellenos! dark chocolate! sweet newborn babies! sex!), but they pale in comparison to the enduring bliss of Source.

Mirasta’s home planet was to her the center of the universe one day and a veritable prison the next. Likewise the human experience, which seems  to me a temporary stop on a much longer, more infinite journey we can scarcely conceive. Sometimes I hunger to surpass it, to leave the body and the physical realm entirely, much as Mirasta was lifted up and out of her home world, to bathe in the infinite universe of bliss for as long as I wish.

There is home, and there is the illusion of home.  After your perspective of reality, who you are, and what life is broadens there is no going back to illusions. You can be physically home in the outer world yet profoundly crave your authentic place of origin. Once the genie is out of the bottle, what choice do we have but to follow it – starship journeys and all – back to our natural state of childlike ecstasy? As I suspect the fictional Mirasta found, that is as close as we’ll come to going home while still physically alive.

Have you ever felt your soul’s longing to return “home”? If you have, what did you do? What are some practices you use to “go home” in spirit?

Related posts:

1. Before You Die
2. The Importance of What Is Not
3. Your Holiday Survival Guide to Staying Spiritually Centered