But so far I don’t see anything good. My headaches have actually been worse. Granted, the barometric pressure has been conspiring against me as well so who’s to say where the failure lies.

Not to mention I’ve also been trying supplements to help my headaches and stabilize nutrient deficiencies at the same time. In other words I’ve changed a flurry of variables and am left with no positive results and no clear villain to blame.

Unless of course I just blame myself which is a favorite pastime.

So where do I go from here?

I am miserable. The chronic pain is exhausting and frustrating and the dietary restrictions are annoying.

I’ve had in the back of my mind for a long while that I just might have to eliminate virtually everything to see if I can make a dent in this pain cycle.  Go full on raw vegan for at least some short period to see if helps. To see if I can begin to identify any food villains.

But I have been afraid of feeling deprived. Of having nothing to eat. Of feeling like utter crap.

I feel that way now. So how much worse could it get?

I know it could be bad. I have attempted detoxes with food before and I end up curled up in the fetal position in horrible pain and pukimg my guts out.

Guess that means I’m pretty toxic.

Maybe I need to be simpler. Focus on what to add instead of what to subtract. I used to be good about having green smoothies but I got out of the habit. Maybe if I focused on increasing my fruits and vegetables. Have green smoothies everyday and snack on fruits and veggies. Increase my water intake.

It seems that would be gentler to my system and allow for moderation instead of deprivation.

I don’t know what to do.

I’m miserable and I feel like my body is screaming at me that it needs something but I have no idea what it is.  And I have no idea how to figure it out.

I wish I had some sort of reset button.  Some way to start over without shocking my system into rebellion.

Why can’t I find something that helps?  There has to be something.  Because I’m breaking and I need something to mend me.

The post PYHO: Diet and Migraines – A Month of GF/DF appeared first on According to Denise.

I am so excited to be featured over at Shell’s place for Things They Can’t Say.  Shell is one of the nicest bloggers out there and she encourages bloggers every week to get in touch with their feelings and bare their souls.  On top of that she hosts bloggers every Friday which is where I am today.

Go on over and check it out!

If you are stopping by here for the first time then WELCOME!  I am so glad to meet you.  You can poke around for yourself or take a gander at my page of favorites.

I love to write about my daily joys and struggles and hope you enjoy your stay in my little corner of the internet.

The post Hanging Out Over At Things I Can’t Say appeared first on According to Denise.

We try to tell them that the game is meant to be difficult and that it isn’t very likely they will get a toy out of it.

But they still try anyway.

At the Red Robin we frequent, there is a claw game up front so when we went last week, they both brought some of their own money so they could play.  Once we ordered they ran up to try.  T got a toy almost all the way to the dropout on his first try, then wasn’t able to get it with the rest of his money.

A then tried with hers.  All heads in the restaurant turned when A yelled “Yes!” as she got the toy down the shoot.  They came back over hugging a stuffed toy and huge smiles on their faces.

They had decided to share the toy since they had each spent $1.50 toward getting it.

So meet Snooffles.

I’m linking up with Greta from Gfunkified and Sarah from The Sunday Spill for iPPP.

The post The Claw Game – #iPPP appeared first on According to Denise.

“But Mommy can eat there” was my response.

You see after going both gluten and dairy free, it has become difficult to eat out.  I know I will eventually get a groove and be able to branch out, but for right now, I have to stick to what I know is safe.

The kids have taken much pity on me for my dietary restrictions.  T says that even if being dairy free might help his migraines or hyperactivity, he would not give up his beloved milk.  That is an argument for another day as we have no reason at this point to believe that it could help him.

A told me “being dairy free is the worst thing that could happen to a person.”

Whoa, wait, hold on little girl, stop right there!  I took the opportunity to talk about how eating healthier for my particular body’s needs is not “the worst thing” and that there are far more serious issues that others face.  It may be difficult for me right now, but change always is difficult.

She agreed that she misspoke and clarified that she just thinks it is hard and wishes I didn’t have to do it.  I can understand as I agree.

But that also reminded me of something a friend told me the other day as we discussed dietary restrictions that may help like raw or vegan eating.  She said “Having headaches is hard.  Cutting out meat and cheese … Not hard.”

And she really is right.  All the energy I spend fighting head pain is really hard.  It may seem the easier path because it is what I have grown used to but it is not easier.  Being healthy and pain-free would be easier if I put forth the energy to get there.

So I have to remember as I grumble to myself about how much I really want to stuff my face with bread and cheese that I am on a journey to find the path that works best for me.  What will eventually be the “easier” path.

Because having headaches is hard.

Don’t forget to check out my Minted giveaway!

The post PYHO: Diet and Headaches appeared first on According to Denise.

When I was contacted by Minted about hosting a giveaway, I saw a golden opportunity to have fancy invitations for her dream dance party birthday.  We sat down together and I let her choose what she wanted and she was so very excited.  She chose the following design.

Source at minted little miss magic

Now this is not exactly a dance party theme but Minted designs are very customizable so I could change all the text to remove the princess wording and replace with more appropriate words like “rockin’ party”.  As you can see from the photo below, she loves the invitations.

Loves them so much that she even stuffed them into Minted’s awesome envelopes.  I even got complements from other moms about the cute invitations.

So now that I am hooked on Minted, it is only fair to share the love with you guys.  Enter my giveaway below for a chance to get a $50 credit from Minted.  You will love all the designs they have.  And not just for invitations.  You can get business cards, stationary, announcements, all kinds of things.  I am seriously considering some stationary so that I can send some handwritten (GASP!) notes every once in a while.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Disclosure:  I was given credit on Minted.com in exchange for hosting this giveaway.  All opinions are my own.

The post Minted Review And Giveaway appeared first on According to Denise.

When we sit down to explain to our 9 and almost 8 year old about events like these we are even more saddened about how many times we have had to have similar discussions.

The kids always ask why someone would hurt other people like that.

My answer is that I just don’t know.  There is no reason that can make sense of something so horrible.

My daughter said she doesn’t want to leave the house.  That the world is scary.

We tell her that bad things do happen in the world but you can’t stop living your life due to fear.  If you did, you would miss out on so many wonderful things.

Luckily she accepts this.

I repeat it to myself often.  Because I wish I could keep them here with me.  In my arms.  Safe.  Forever.

Because the world scares me too.

The post The World Is Scary appeared first on According to Denise.

The post Wordless Wednesday Work Is Fun appeared first on According to Denise.

The doctor ordered a bunch of blood work and other tests.  While we waited for the results, she recommended certain supplements and changes to my diet that would help get me started back to better health.  Although I already took multivitamins, she recommended some with less fillers and extra junk in them.

One of the biggest changes she wanted me to make was to cut out artificial sweeteners.  Let’s just say I needed to ween myself off of the diet soda.  And I just might have replaced with some regular soda, but hey, I’m trying.

I went back to go over the results of the tests and I found out something I was not expecting.  Apparently I have a sensitivity to dairy.  All the other foods they tested for were OK, even gluten, but the dairy was pretty clear.

So now I have to figure out how to be dairy free.  I’m trying to decide whether I keep excluding gluten or go ahead and add that back while cutting out dairy.  I think that may be better so if I feel better, I know it is the dairy.

But how does a cheese addict go dairy-free?  Kicking and screaming with a bad attitude, that’s how.  I am not looking forward to it at all.  I’ve been watchful of what I am eating and as I suspected, there are dairy ingredients in tons of stuff.

The plan is to get shopping this weekend and prepare for the plunge.  Wish me luck.

The post Going Dairy Free appeared first on According to Denise.

I can rock a headset

I went on maternity leave at the end of 2003 and that was the last time I worked full time hours.  I was off for nearly 2 years for T and then A to be born.  When A was 6 months old I went back to my job but as a part time employee.  I was very lucky that my work was flexible enough that I could be part time and I only went into the office one day a week.  Our little girl appreciated that as well because she only had to scream and cry one day a week because she was not a fan of the bottle.

Since November of 2005 we have juggled work and family using a nanny and au pairs to watch the kids while I worked.  It wasn’t long before I moved to working all my hours from home and started to creep up the number of hours I worked each week.  Once A and T were both in elementary school, I could work while they were in school and we stopped having the au pairs to help.

Now comes another milestone.  This week I start full time hours for the first time in 10 years.

And I’m incredibly nervous.

Most of the time I feel like I am juggling on a high wire.

Desperately trying to keep my balance while also trying to keep from dropping anything on the ground.

And now another ball is being tossed at me.  A rather large ball, really.

There a lot of positives to upping my hours, not the least of which is mo’ money, yo.

But I’m just so worried about how I’m going to manage more hours.  Luckily most of the hours will fit into each school day, as they did before, but that is always impacted by appointments or teacher workdays or days off, etc, etc.  Whoever makes the school calendar is not exactly my favorite person.

Plus there is the neverending bane of my existence – my chronic daily headache – that is always rearing its ugly head to make life more exciting by impacting any carefully planned schedule.

My husband and I will be doing much more tag teaming to cover kid duty.  He’ll have to cover some of the school days off in the future.  That has already started as he is covering the kids’ spring break which has made it easier for me to work all my hours.

Certainly the dance we must do to cover kids and work is not an impossible task or we would not have gone down this path.  However, it will be more difficult that before and require more dancing skill.

We will handle it.  I will handle it.  But I will still be nervous.  And stressed.

The post Working Full Time appeared first on According to Denise.

The kids are eating and I am getting their lunches together.  “Can you be a little quieter guys?  Mommy has a headache.”  I feel sad for a moment because they weren’t being especially loud and I really do say that to them all too often.

Getting ready for the day with head pain can make the whole process more frustrating.  We get out the door and are off to camp.

After dropping them off, I had to do an internal check.  I have a neurologist appointment to get to and my head has gotten worse.  Sometimes dizziness and nausea accompanies the pain which can make driving difficult, especially on highways.  But I need to take the highway to get to my appointment on time.

So I check my head and my equilibrium and decide I will be fine on the highway.  And I note how much I hate having to do this internal check just to get from point A to B.

During the appointment we discuss yet another medication in the never-ending trial and error to find something that will help.  I get a little upset as I talk but I try to hold it in.  In the parking lot I let it out and cry for a while before heading home.

At home I need to work so I take medicine because the pain has gotten pretty intense.  Luckily it takes the edge off but I’m disappointed that it didn’t completely make the pain go away.

After a few hours of working it is clear I need to close my eyes for a while.  I sit in a dark room with my warm neck pillow and an ice pack on top of my head.  I spend at least 30 minutes like this so I can get a second wind and finish my work day.

Hubby picks up the kids and handles getting them dinner so I can rest.  Once they are in bed I watch a little TV on the couch and go to bed early in the hopes of avoiding a similar day tomorrow.  But no matter what I try, it is a crap shoot whether I will be in pain or not.

The post A Day In Pain appeared first on According to Denise.