I’m officially 2/3 of the way through this pregnancy!  You guys were right; things really did get better in the second trimester.  After a fairly typical, rocky first trimester, I was pretty skeptical that things would magically improve, but I guess it’s not called “the golden trimester” for nothin’.

The highlights were abundant and the lowlights were sparse.  Here we go:

The Good

• No more nausea.  When I was still vomiting at 17 weeks, I thought I might be doomed to nausea for the whole shebang.  Things quickly turned around and by our 20-week ultrasound, I was feeling fine.
• Tons of energy.  We’ve been moving furniture and sorting through boxes to prepare the nursery.  I’ve been consistent with my Bradley Method exercises and walking anywhere from 1-5 miles a day.  I’ve been cooking and cleaning again, and generally enjoying my place back among the living.
• Things got real.  For us, the reality of the pregnancy really hit once we found out we were having a baby boy.  Perhaps this would have happened at that point in the pregnancy regardless of whether we found out, but our world seemed to really turn upside down (for the better) once we could envision a little man coming into it.
• Kicks.  How could I forget kicks?!  Right around week 20 is when I finally started to feel movement.  Now, he’s kicking like crazy.  It’s amazing and weird and mind boggling.
• I’m finally looking pregnant.  And not just, you know, extremely well fed.

Source: Wee Mail App

The Not-So-Good

• Nothing fits!  I guess this is the downside of being pregnant.  Duh.
• Awkward conversations.  This is probably not a universal “symptom,” but as we prepare to have a baby, we’ve had to have some conversations we would rather not have with the people that are closest to us about issues like vaccinations, baby names, and the like.  Warning to first-time parents: you will be questioned about every decision you make.  
• The glucose tolerance test.  Fasting, chugging a sickly sweet syrup, and getting my blood drawn three times in the span of two hours was not a pleasant experience.  Enough said.

Other than that, it really has been an exciting and happy few months.  I’m thrilled to be in the last trimester, but also a little sad that these months were “as good as it gets,” as far as pregnancy goes.

Moms, what can I expect in the third trimester?  

See these two fur balls?  They’re my two-year olds.

I know, I KNOW.  Dogs aren’t babies.  It’s an insult to canines everywhere to think otherwise.  But these two crazy pups, until now, have been my babies: I’ve lost sleep staying up all night with a 9-week old Lulu; I’ve sought out special classes and experts to help a traumatized Pippa; I’ve driven to daycare, training classes, playdates, and doctors appointments; and I’ve cleaned up pee, poop, and vomit more times than I can count.

In short, until now, they are the only “babies” I’ve ever known.

Now that an actual human baby is coming into the picture, I think we’re all a little scared.

It’s a crazy thought to think that I will actually love another baby more than I love these two.  It’s a frightening thought to wonder if I won’t.

Matthew and I are committed to keeping our dogs as part of our family.  We are preparing ourselves for a potentially rough transition period as “the girls” start to realize that the screaming, crying, scary bundle in our arms is, in fact, staying.

Our hope is to prepare them as much as possible for the new noises, the change in schedule, and the inevitable decrease in attention.  Our hope is to prepare our home to safely accommodate the co-habitation of two small dogs and a child.  Our hope is for the pups to learn to love the baby as an extension of their love for us.  Our hope is to raise a child who loves and respects animals.  Our hope is to prepare ourselves for the craziness that will occur in this whole process.

I know we can do it.  This isn’t an “either/or” situation; there is no reason why adding more love to one area of our lives has to come at the expense of love in another area.   That’s the wonderful thing about love: there is no limit to how much you can have, feel, or give.

Stay tuned to learn exactly how we are preparing for four to become five.

When we started thinking about TTC, the first thing I wanted to do was read everything I could about the subject.  My reading ranged from books like Taking Charge of Your Fertility (I don’t categorize this as a pre-pregnancy book so much as one on reproductive understanding, whatever your aim is), to more specific reads about how to prepare your body, relationship, and wallet for a future baby.

Sidenote: the following are my thoughts on pre-pregnancy books about general pregnancy preparation, not books on infertility or even specifically “how to get pregnant” books.  I have no experience with those and therefore no opinion.

I purchased and read What to Expect Before You’re Expecting, though there are many similar books on the market such as: The Pre-Pregnancy Planner, Get Ready to Get Pregnant, Before You Conceive, and Before Your Pregnancy.

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In short, here is my advice: these books are pretty uninformative and you are far better off preparing yourself for pregnancy by simply buying books written for women who are already pregnant.

I understand the temptation to buy pre-pregnancy books.  You might feel silly buying a book on pregnancy when you’re not actually pregnant yet, and these books seem like they are written just for you!  Well, consider this blog post written just for you.  This is a summary of what most of these books will tell you (for free!):

• See your doctor for a full-body checkup.
• Prepare your body for a healthy pregnancy by eating a healthy diet and taking prenatal vitamins for at least three months before conception.
• Reduce or eliminate your alcohol and drug consumption.
• Prepare your partner’s body to produce healthy sperm by eating a healthy diet and reducing or eliminating alcohol and drug consumption.
• Stop smoking.
• Limit your exposure to common environmental toxins.
• Make efforts to get to an ideal weight for your body.
• Consider an STD test, a flu shot, and getting current on your vaccinations.
• Stop using any form of hormonal birth control and use a barrier method until you are ready to officially “start.”
• Familiarize yourself with your cycle, keeping notes or charts if necessary.

Basically, these books will tell you that if you wouldn’t do it while pregnant, reduce or eliminate it while trying to become pregnant.  They may provide you with a fertility chart or calendar with which to chart your cycle, but you can find those online or just use a regular calendar.

In retrospect, I would have felt far more prepared for pregnancy by reading the books I didn’t buy until I got pregnant.  It also would have been a better investment, as these are the books I have returned to over and over again during pregnancy.  My pre-pregnancy book, on the other hand, has a few notes written in the margins and will be shelved forevermore.

Stay tuned for the books and resources I have found most helpful during pregnancy!

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1.  “Will you be rehoming your dogs?”  This is the one of the most ridiculous questions I have yet to hear.  Maybe this isn’t true for everyone, but our dogs are part of our family.  Unlike the rest of our family, they are members we actually got to choose.  I am doing my best to prepare for the challenges of introducing two spoiled dogs to a new baby.  Unless one of them somehow poses a serious health or safety risk, they’re not going anywhere.

2. “Was this planned?”  I can only assume people who ask this question secretly want to hear some juicy tale of a surprise pregnancy.  Nevertheless, I am always tempted to answer with an overly detailed account of the truth.  Something along the lines of:  “Actually, for X months, I closely charted my menstrual cycle, peed on ovulation sticks, and had lots of unprotected sex with my husband around my ovulation date.”  Or perhaps, “Well, I’ve been having sex for quite a few years now and managed to evade getting knocked up.  What do you think?”  

…Sometimes I’m a believer that inappropriate questions deserve inappropriate answers.

3.  “I hope you’re enjoying your time alone/time together/time to travel/so-called-life now, because those days are gone after you have kids.”  Look, I’m very aware of the fact that my life is about to be turned upside down, put into a blender, turned inside out, and reassembled again for approximately 18 years after I give birth.  But the doom and gloom that people insist on warning me about is obnoxious, and frankly makes me question the parent more than parenthood itself.  I refuse to believe that having children will be the end of all things fun and exciting.  In fact, I like to believe it’s the beginning of all things fun and exciting.  So just let the foolish pregnant lady have her dreams and shut up.

4.  “Get lots of sleep now.  You’ll need it once the baby is born.”  Again with the doom and gloom.  Plus, did I miss something?  Can you save up sleep on a debit card and spend the credits at a later date?  This advice makes no sense to me.

5.  “Your bump is so small/so big!”  I get that by saying my “bump” is small, you’re trying to be nice by acting as though I haven’t put on a ton of weight (my interpretation: so I normally look this huge?).  I also get that by saying my bump is big, you’re trying to compliment my mad baby-growing skillz (my interpretation:  so I’m really as huge as I feel?).  But really, as someone who is sensitive about weight and size issues to begin with, I don’t want to hear either.  Just lie completely and tell me I look great.

March 21, 2012 (20 weeks):

We are waiting in the exam room for the lab tech.  Matthew snaps a picture to mark the moment.

I take one look at the photo and say, “It’s a girl.”

I lie down.  Goop goes on my stomach.  We look at the brain first.  Holy cow, this is amazing.  Two hemispheres, some measuring.  Then onto the heart.  144 bpm.  Four chambers.  Now a limb check.  Two arms, two legs.  Relief.

Then, quite suddenly, the tech exclaims, “Looks like it’s a boy!”

“What?” I say.  “Are you sure?”

Look, it’s not that I don’t want a boy.  It’s more like, I’m sure this is girl and it’s impossible to imagine otherwise.

Imagine you’re planning a big dinner out and, for weeks in advance, you are told by everyone that you’re going to a steakhouse.  You start picturing your steak, your side dishes…the works, right?  Then on the night of the dinner, you’re told that actually, you’re going to be having salmon.  I love salmon, perhaps even more than steak, but it’s not what I was imagining.

This is the only analogy I can come up with, and I already feel guilty for comparing our little boy to a piece of salmon.

“You can confirm it with other angles, right?  I want to be sure,” I say.

“Oh, this is pretty much as clear as it will ever be,” she says, with a laugh.  “He’s making it pretty clear.”

Ooooof course he is.

Matt and I look at each other, tears threatening to make this a sentimental moment.  It’s a boy.  It’s a BOY!  He has a brain, and a heart, and arms and legs, and, I hear a voice interject, kidneys and a spine!

I feel euphoric, like I’ve learned that I am pregnant all over again.  Only better.  When I first found out I was pregnant, my feelings were more of doubt and fear (“This isn’t real,” and  “It’s too early to get excited”).  Now, the evidence is more than just a line on a stick.  My feelings are so much more real and confident:  this IS real and there is no stopping our excitement.

On our way out to the car, we can’t stop singing the lyrics to the Brad Paisley song “Anything Like Me.”

I remember sayin’ I don’t care either way
Just as long as he or she is healthy, I’m okay
And then the doctor pointed to the corner of the screen
And said, “You see that thing right there? Well, you know what that means”

I started wondering who he was going to be
And I thought, heaven help us if he’s anything like me

He’ll probably climb a tree too tall and ride his bike too fast
End up every summer wearin’ something in a cast
He’s gonna throw a ball and break some glass
In a window down the street

He’s gonna get in trouble, oh, he’s gonna get in fights
I’m gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It’s safe to say that I’m gonna get my payback
If he’s anything like me

I can see him right now, knees all skinned up
With a magnifying glass tryin’ to melt a Tonka truck
Won’t he be a sight with his football helmet on?
That’ll be his first love ’til his first love comes along

He’ll get his heart broke by the time he’s in his teens
And heaven help him if he’s anything like me

He’ll probably stay out too late and drive his car too fast
Get a speeding ticket, he’ll pay for mowing grass
He’s gonna get caught skippin’ class
And be grounded for a week

He’s gonna get into trouble, we’re gonna get in fights
I’m gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It’s safe to say that I’m gonna get my payback
If he’s anything like me

He’s gonna love me
And hate me
Along the way

The years are gonna fly by
And I already dread the day

He’s gonna hug his mama, he’s gonna shake my hand
He’s gonna act like he can’t wait to leave

But as he drives out he’ll cry his eyes out
If he’s anything like me
There’s worse folks to be like, oh, he’ll be alright
If he’s anything like me

***

Read previous Pregnancy Journal entries here.

February 1, 2012 (13 weeks):

Pregnancy must be preparing me to deal with the Terrible Twos, because I’m acting like a toddler.  I need to eat every couple of hours.  The idea of eating a vegetable makes me cringe.  I take naps.  I throw fits when even the slightest thing does not go according to plan.

I’m really hoping this is a short-lived phase, because I’m pretty sure this child will require a fully functioning adult to raise it.

February 15, 2012 (15 weeks):  

After a few weeks of careful consideration, we’ve decided to change medical providers entirely, including a switch from a family physician to a group of Certified Nurse Midwives.  My inner control freak is pissed that I couldn’t have made this decision 10 weeks ago, but overall I’m relieved to have made the decision at all.

I always thought I’d be one for a more cut-and-dry hospital birth.  Everything about being pregnant is surprising me, including my sudden shift toward the more hippie-granola-natural birth preparation.  If someone would have told me a year ago that I’d be planning a natural birth with the help of a doula and a midwife, I would have laughed and asked them to please pass the drugs immediately.  Of course, drugs could still definitely happen, but they are no longer part of Plan A.

February 22, 2012 (16 weeks):

Tonight I had McDonald’s for dinner, and then realize that I forgot to take my vitamins yesterday.

While getting ready for bed, I read that my hand lotion contains retinal palmitate, an ingredient pregnant women are supposed to avoid.

I spend the rest of the night worrying that our baby is going to have a tail because of my cravings for crappy food and my failure to read lotion labels.

“A tail,” of course, is a silly euphemism for the myriad of things that could interfere with our baby’s mental, physical, or emotional development.  My anxiety finally mounts into a Giant Breakdown.  I am inconsolable.  Finally, Matt looks me straight in the eye and firmly asks, “OK, so what if?  What if the baby has a tail?  That’s not going to change anything.”

Something about facing the fear head-on calms me.  He’s right.  Whatever happens, things are going to be fine and this child will be loved.

March 14, 2012 (19 weeks):

Yesterday was my 27th birthday.  Somehow it was simultaneously the most insignificant and significant birthday I’ve had to date.  It was insignificant because, let’s get real, it’s not about me anymore.  It’s significant because, whoa, I now have a slightly different perspective on what my birth day meant to my mother.  She did all of this work, and on March 13 every year we celebrate…me?  I should be sending her flowers.

March 20, 2012 (19 weeks, 6 days):

Tomorrow is our anatomy ultrasound.  I’m not the praying kind, but tonight I’m praying to God, Buddha, Mother Nature, the Universe, and anyone who will listen, that everything appears as it should.  In fact, I may continue to bargain my life away for the remainder of this child’s life to assure that she or he is as healthy, whole, and happy as one can possibly be.

Speaking of “she” or “he,” we also expect to learn the baby’s sex tomorrow.

Until recently, I have been leaning toward boy, and with fairly good reason: the hives I experienced in my first trimester have been said to be indicative of a boy.  Furthermore, there is a gender prediction theory with slightly more credibility than some, which states that the timing of conception around ovulation can influence sex.  Having rather specialized knowledge of these circumstances (TMI), I feel I have a leg up in predicting that this baby is a boy.

However, in the last two weeks, everyone, from Matt’s co-worker to my own mother, has assured me with astounding confidence that it’s a girl.

I suppose I’ve succumb to the overwhelming certainty of those around me: I, too, am now positive it’s a girl.

***

Read previous Pregnancy Journal entries here.

Baby prep is in full swing around here!  I thought I’d write a quick post as an update on what we’ve been up to lately.

Things I can check off the list:

• Hire a doula.  I’m cheating by adding this to the list.  I did it at week 12.
• Find a maternity/birth/newborn photographer.  This gal is a friend of our doula and is quite affordable.  Here is our approach to each session:
  • Maternity photos:  I’m not 100% sold on the idea of maternity pictures (besides not feeling all that photogenic these days, I think a big belly picture hanging in our living room would be weird), but she is offering a package deal for a maternity and newborn shoot, so I figure I’ll put a belly shot or two in the baby book.  After all, I’m not sure I’ll be doing this pregnancy thing again.
  • Birth photos:  I know birth photography seems a little weird to some people, but I think when it is tastefully done it can be really beautiful.  Plus, our photographer is just breaking into this genre of photography, so she offered to photograph the birth session at no charge.  Again, probably not for the living room wall, but as a keepsake?  You bet.
  • Newborn photos:  This one is most exciting to me!  I can’t wait to send out birth announcements.
• Sign up for birth classes.  We’re going with the Bradley Method and we’ve already completed the first two weeks.  Ten more to go!
• Attend first Centering appointment.  Centering Pregnancy is a form of group care offered by our hospital instead of traditional pregnancy check ups.  Read more about it here.  I first heard about Centering through Emily’s blog, and eventually came to love the idea of meeting other couples going through the same stages of pregnancy as we are, especially since we’re new to this city and could use more local friends!
• Make room.  We spent the whole of Sunday morning rearranging the entire house to turn the guest bedroom into the nursery and the office into the guest bedroom.
• Start a baby registry.  Holy crap, this is overwhelming.
• Buy some fun stuff.  Once we found out that Baby is a boy, we just had to go out and buy some clothes!  Additionally we’re trying to knock out some big-ticket baby items each month.  This month we bought the crib, the pack ‘n play, and the majority of the crib bedding.

I’m doing my own mix of bedding from a few different collections at Pottery Barn Kids.  Despite my original insistence that I wanted an all white/cream nursery, we have now decided to go with a nautical theme!  Matthew is a passionate and qualified sailor, and anchors are the symbol for my sorority (good times that I’ll want to remember when I’m up at 3am nursing), so it seemed like the perfect fit.  I’ll do a nursery post later, but for now, here’s the sheet and quilt I ordered from PB Kids’ Regatta Nursery:

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Remaining tasks:

Oh, there are so many.  From small things (I’ve been really lousy about taking weekly belly pics and keeping up my pregnancy journal), to big things (create a birth plan, read more about birth, breastfeeding, and newborn care), we have our work completely cut out for us.  Some of the tasks that really stand out:

• Sign up for infant CPR and/or other newborn care classes.  I figure it’s the least we can do since the little guy is putting his life in our hands.
• Start preparing Lulu and Pippa for the little one.  I’ve been doing a lot of reading on this because we have two VERY high-maintenance dogs, and I know it will be quite the adjustment for them to share the attention, have more visitors, hear weird noises, etc.
• Figure out our lease situation.  We were originally hoping to buy a home by the end of this year, but with so much going on, that is off the table for a while.  We need to figure this out soon so we’re not roaming around Seattle, homeless, with two spoiled dogs and a newborn.

The list goes on and on.  For anyone out there planning to become pregnant or in the early stages of pregnancy, I HIGHLY recommend the planner 40 Weeks +: The Essential Pregnancy Organizer.  It has been a lifesaver for me.

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 Moms, what are your best tips for preparing for baby?  

One thing that has surprised me about pregnancy and preparing for a baby is the sheer amount of stuff you supposedly need.  I’m not really one for accumulating lots of stuff, but there are a few items I am excited to purchase.  In the process of researching what we need and what we don’t, I’ve found a few luxurious gems I would love to own (necessity be damned!).  Some of these are more affordable than others.  Still, it’s fun to dream.

Keungzai’s Ultra Soft Drape Front Maternity Dress:  Keungzai is a beautiful online maternity boutique that I recently discovered thanks to my sister-in-law, who actually helped with the design and fit of the line in London.  Pretty cool, huh?  I basically want everything on this website.  In particular, this drape dress looks so comfortable and chic.  Michele at Keungzai is hooking all of us up with a 10% discount (they ship around the world even though they are London-based!).  Just enter ILoveKZ10 at checkout until the end of the month!

Kate Spade “Stevie” Baby Bag:  I remember seeing a Black Friday deal for a version of this bag back in November…about two weeks before I found out I was pregnant.  Timing is everything, no?

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The Origami Stroller:  I first read about this stroller on LilSugar.  Here’s what they said:  “With a built-in generator that recharges as the wheels move, it is a battery-operated pushchair that folds itself (really! Just push a button and it folds!). The generator also powers daytime running lights that provide safety both day and night, as well as an LED screen that shows temperature, the distance you’ve walked that day, and if your tot is seated properly. And for connected moms, there’s an optional cell phone charger to ensure she never loses touch with the world around her!”  Wow.  This luxe ride has an $850 price tag, so we won’t be the lucky pushers.  We’re likely to go with a BOB (still not cheap, but not nearly this pricey).

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Pottery Barn Kids Comfort Grand Swivel Glider & Ottoman:  While playing pretend at our local Pottery Barn, we completely fell in love with this large, comfortable, stylish glider.  I know many don’t consider Pottery Barn furniture to be luxurious, but even on sale and with a modest fabric choice, this lovely piece would cost us a good $2,000.  That is definitely not in our budget for a single nursery item.  Instead, we’ll probably go with HEAB’s suggestion and get a La-Z-Boy rocker recliner, for less than half of this price.

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The Healthy Baby Skincare Collection from Lavanila:  I’ve had a hard time finding baby skincare products that are free of parabens and other chemicals.  I just read about this line on The Art of Making a Baby (she is hosting a giveaway of the products!), and it seems like a fantastic company.

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Are their any luxe items on your dream wish list (baby or non baby)?

Dear Baby Boy,

Little Man, thanks for showing us your goods during the ultrasound, but I should tell you right now that flashing people like that is pretty frowned upon once you exit this private little suite.

I can hear you already.  “Mom!  I can’t believe you posted a picture of my penis on the internet!”  Sorry kiddo.  I have to post it because BOY was that a surprise!  Everyone was so sure you were a girl!  Already I love that you are surprising us and keeping us on our toes.  I thought you were a boy at the beginning and I should have trusted myself.  I can’t believe I let everyone else change my belief.  That is the first thing you have taught me without even knowing it.  Or maybe you do.  I bet you are wise like that.

Some people, people who don’t know Mommy very well, thought I might be disappointed to find out you are a boy.  How silly is that?!  First of all, you seem to have all your working parts, which in itself, makes me so very, very happy and grateful.  But more than that, there are so many reasons why I am beyond ecstatic that you are a boy!

• I always wanted a big brother.  Your aunties are great big sisters to me, but  I am excited that if we decide to give you a brother or sister, they will get to have YOU as their wonderful, responsible, protective big bro.
• Between you and me, Kid, I don’t think I want any more.  I think YOU are going to make me and Daddy so unbelievably happy that we will realize we couldn’t possibly do as well a second time around.  If that’s the case, I feel an old-fashioned relief that you’re a boy so your daddy and granddad will be happy that someone is carrying on their last name (but we are an egalitarian household so we don’t buy into that silliness.  I just like to humor them).
• If you are anything like your daddy, this world will be a better place.  I wouldn’t have married your daddy if I didn’t hope one day to have a son just like him.  I can’t wait to see you two together.  Thinking about it melts my heart to pieces already.
• This family already has plenty of estrogen.  In our house alone, we have two crazy little pups that are “my girls.”  You and Daddy will now always be “my boys.”  I love that.
• Not many people know this about Mommy, but I prefer the company of men to the company of women.  You boys are just so fun and easy to be around.  You are never to repeat this, but girls can sometimes be a pain in the ass.  I would know.
• I can’t say exactly how, but I think YOU are going to make me a better mommy, and a better person.  I think you are going to teach me things from your little boy perspective that I have never even thought of, and I am so excited to learn from you.  And yeah, I hope I can teach you a few things, too.

There is one thing, Baby Boy, one thing that worries me.  One day, one day in about 18 years, you’re going to leave us.  You’re going to grow up and meet a girl who will probably think I’m crazy and overbearing (and in defense of daughter-in-laws everywhere, she will probably be right).  I hope you will remember to call us and visit us.  I hope you will remember how much we love and adore you.  You will.  I know you will.

You have so many people waiting to meet you and love on you.  For now, you’ve got a big job to do in the next 20 weeks: grow, grow, grow!  We will be ready and waiting when you decide to make your big appearance.

I love you so much already,

Your Mama.

BABY B IS A…

BOY!!

I can’t believe how much we love him already.