Accounting on a Baby

Construction

2013-04-04T11:57:00.001-05:00

When I look out my office window, I'm greeted by a giant crane and a lovely view of a construction site. When I look out of my living room window at home, I'm greeted by a giant crane and a lovely view of a construction site. Each day, I get to watch as two buildings are risen from the ground and something new is created. It feels like this time in my life is embodied by this construction.

Things are happening in our lives right now that are laying the foundations for our future. A possible move to a new city along with new jobs and a new home are on our horizon and I'm optimistic that this is the construction phase of our lives, where we're putting up walls around the life we want to have and preparing a space for the family we desperately desire.

Another year goes by

2012-11-14T09:44:00.000-06:00

I've neglected this blog. Trying to write about the feelings of trying to become a parent and failing miserably isn't easy and isn't fun and frankly, I would rather pretend that I'm NOT wishing on every star and 11:11 that THIS would be my month.

But, here we are, another year further along in life, still childless. I'm 28, Huz is 32. I'd always thought I'd have kids by the time I was 25 at least, but plans change and dreams evolve. I still want nothing more than to have a child, but the further we get into this, the more our dreams are evolving.

We're still actively trying and I've been taking Metformin to help with my PCOS and last month for the first time since I've been off BC, I had a "regular" cycle. My charts look like I ovulated and my cycle was 30 days, how quaint. So, I'm hoping that this course will be productive, but we've discussed the timeline we have for this and that at some point, there will be a decision to be made on whether or not we'll keep investing all of our hopes into this or move on and accept what we've got.

The FUN Test

2012-07-10T16:33:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago, I returned to my OB/GYN for my annual exam and realized that is has officially been a year since we "pulled the goalie." I discussed this with my doctor and decided it was time to get more aggressive about seeing why we were still DINKs (Dual Income, No Kids).

As I've mentioned before, I'm fairly certain that I have PCOS, but haven't undergone any tests to confirm or deny that suspicion. That fact in mind, my doctor talked me through some options...Clomid, Ultrasounds, HSGs, etc, but we decided to start our testing with a semen analysis since that seemed like the easiest way to eliminate half of the problem (the male half).

After a bit of a stressful time scheduling the appointment, we finally went in last week and D gave his "sample." After a few mind-wracking days, I called my OB/GYN to confirm the results and everything came back perfectly normal. Great for him, but shattering for me to realize I'm definitely the problem.

We're going to aggressively chart and BD for a few months and if we're still unsuccessful, my doctor wants me to come in for an HSG to make sure my tubes aren't blocked. Too bad that test won't be as fun as the one D had.

Life goes on

2012-05-21T11:43:00.001-05:00

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

We're still trying, but in the mean time, we've been living our lives, enjoying the freedom of being able to drop everything and GO.

In the last month or so, we've....

...celebrated 5 years together

...spent a weekend in Lubbock visiting old friends

...bought a new car

...rocked out to Childish Gambino

...road tripped in some wicked weather

...nursed a sick puppy

...and danced our asses off to M83

Life is good.

She ate what?

2012-03-27T12:26:00.000-05:00

Have you read the article about January Jones eating her placenta? Yesterday EVERYONE wanted to talk to me about it--my coworker, my wax lady, my husband. And everyone, it seems, has their own opinion about it. I personally don't think I could stomach the though of eating my own placenta, but more power to January for her choice to do it.

It amazes me how opinionated people can be about pregnancy and child-rearing and how quick some people can be to judge and criticize the choices of other women--natural births versus hospital births, breastfeeding versus formula, cry-it-out versus cosleeping. I think that each woman is entitled to her own choice whether she wants to deliver her baby in an inflatable hot tub in her living room surrounded by family or in a hospital bed pumped full of drugs, she should be able to choose and not face judgement from anyone.

That's all.

Looking under the hood

2012-03-22T08:00:00.000-05:00

When I first realized maybe getting pregnant wouldn't be as easy as A+B=C, I turned to the internet for help. I was quickly introduced to the world of TTC and all of its crazy, ridiculous acronyms. One thing I quickly realized was that my High School health classes were seriously lacking. As words like corpus luteum and follicle popped up in my research, I started recalling the Animal Science course I took in college, and realized I know more about the reproductive cycle of a cow than I do about my own!

Sure, I knew about cycles and fertilization and all that business, but follicles maturing and releasing based on hormonal changes was something I'd only ever heard in a classroom with a bunch of future Veterinarians! I was intrigued and poured myself into researching what goes on each "month" inside my body.

The human body really is amazing. Every cycle, so many things happen within our bodies that we don't even think about, but we can externally track these cues through several different methods:

At the beginning of your cycle, while you are still entertaining Aunt Flo, your body is already preparing for ovulation. Your hypothalamus is secreting gonadotropin-releasing hormone (GnRH), which tells your pituitary gland to secrete follicle stimulating hormone (FSH). The FSH, as the name suggests, starts stimulating your follicles, which begin maturing and giving off estrogen.

The estrogen produced causes your Endometrium to start growing and thickening in the Uterus. Estrogen also causes changes in the consistency of your cervical mucus, which you can monitor to determine when you are at your most fertile in the days leading up to Ovulation. One of the follicles eventually takes over and the others begin to die off, when the dominant follicle takes over, it causes a spike in your estrogen levels which causes the release of luteinizing hormone (LH). LH is the last hormone to peak before ovulation and shows up in your urine, where it can be tested using Ovulation Predictor Kits. The LH travels to the ovaries and cause the dominant follicle to rupture, releasing the egg.

This is where things get familiar. The egg moves in the fallopian tubes where it is fertilized and then keeps on trucking down to the uterus where it implants itself in the newly formed endometrium.

Meanwhile, the evacuated follicle becomes the corpus luteum (Latin for 'Yellow Body', just FYI) and starts producing progesterone. The progesterone nourishes the endometrium. Progesterone also causes a spike in your body's Basal Body Temperature, indicating that you have ovulated. Once the egg plants itself in the endometrium, your body begins to produce the pregnancy hormone, hCG. The hCG also shows up in your urine and its presence is tested by your standard over the counter Pee Sticks.

Charting helps you to keep track of all of the cues highlighted above. A successful cycle's chart will show fertile, egg-white-like cervical mucus, indicating you should start getting frisky. Then, if you are using OPKs, you'll see a spike in LH, another cue that ovulation is imminent. Then, your temperature will spike, indicating that ovulation has occurred and your temperatures will remain high if the egg has been fertilized!

Five More Minutes!

2012-03-21T12:13:00.000-05:00

One thing I'm dreading about getting back into the saddle is ~~charting~~ taking my dang temperature.

My first round of charting back in the Fall took awhile to click for me. I am NOT a morning person and remembering to roll over, grab a thermometer and take my basal temps was something I struggled with. When my alarm goes off in the morning, my first thought is always "NOOOO!!!!" and then my brain starts theorizing ways for me to get more sleep... Snooze? Call in? FIVE MORE MINUTES! My first though is never "Oh, I should take my BBT!" and I don't think it ever will be.

After many mornings of realizing I hadn't temped while I was having my morning potty break or even worse, while I was having my morning coffee, I finally created a new alarm, far earlier than the time I would actually wake up. I won't lie, I don't wake up until 8:25 to be at work at 9:00 (I'm pretty low maintenance and I can wear jeans to work, so 15 minutes is all I need to get purty for the day), so I set my new alarm for 7:00. When my alarm went off at the buttcrack of dawn, I'd look over at the clock, curse myself and grab the thermometer.

Usually, I'd pass out, thermometer in mouth, and not wake up again until my REAL alarm went off. Luckily, my thermometer has a recall on it, so once I'd fully woken up to the point of being semi-conscious, I'd look at my temp, plug it into my Fertility Friend app on my iPhone and go about my day.

I'm currently mid-cycle, but I'm planning on using this same method for Round Two and this morning was my first go at the 7:00 AM wake up. The results were not good. My iPhone started blaring, my husband rolled over, snarled at me, and pulled the covers over his head and I reached for the thermometer that was definitely NOT on my nightstand, oops.

More charting adventures to come soon!

Here's Hoping

2012-03-20T12:13:00.002-05:00

I meant to post about this back before Christmas, but life somehow got in the way.

My husband and I are both accountants, which means that we both give up a big chunk of our free time during Busy Season (Jan-April typically) and work long, stressful hours. As we celebrated the Holidays, we discussed the impending doom of Busy Season and the added stress we'd be under and decided that we should take a break from actively trying to get pregnant. No charting. No scheduling the sexy time. No obsessing about bodily fluids.

So, I stepped away and immersed myself in preparing Financial Statements and the like. A big part of me really hoped that once I stopped trying, it would magically happen. I'm a big believer that things happen when you least expect it, I mean, I met D that way. I'd just been burned badly by an ex and decided to give up on relationships for awhile and BAM, the love of my life fell right into my lap. Couldn't the same thing happen with a baby?

Apparently not (yet).

What did happen, though, was that I rediscovered a bit of myself that had been overshadowed by my desire to be a mom. I have enjoyed being relatively carefree these last few months. We've gone out with friends, explored the city, and in a big way, rekindled our relationship. I've started wondering if maybe our lack of success in getting knocked up has all been part of a greater plan. Maybe this last year was meant to test us and remind us of ourselves.

In the fall, I was so ready to dive head first into doing whatever it took to become parents, but now that I've stepped away and re-examined everything, I feel that our approach this time will be a bit more laissez faire, and I need that. In the fall, as pregnancies were announced on Facebook, my heart would ache with the reminder that we wanted a child so badly and couldn't have one, but the last few months, I've found myself TRULY happy for my friends who have become pregnant. I've realized that they may have been going through their own struggles and let that give me hope.

Here's hoping.

#WEverb11 #6 Favor

2011-12-06T11:33:00.001-06:00

Favor.

What was your favorite month of 2011? Why did it beat out all 11 other months?

Well, 2011 isn't done quite yet, so I'm still holding out hope for December!

Out of the other 11 months, my favorite month was probably May. In May, my husband and I spent a weekend in Chicago with my parents and sister touring Frank Lloyd Wright homes (my personal favorite!) and then spent a week in Detroit with his family and friends. Even though we returned home to a hail damaged car, our time with family was more than worth it!

#WEverb11 #5 Befriend

2011-12-05T14:00:00.001-06:00

Befriend.

Did you meet any new friends this year? How did they impact your 2011?

This year, I reconnected with friends I'd been distant from. Its not quite new friends, but since we are all in new places in our lives, our friendships are new. Its funny how someone you met in college (and only shared drunken memories with) can become one of your closest friends and how your closest friends can become strangers so fast. The friendships I rediscovered this year have impacted me in ways I can't begin to describe.

One of the friends I reconnected with I've known for over 20 years and although we've had our ups and our downs (and I mean down in the dirt downs), letting go of past-disappointments and embracing an old friend has been the greatest release for me. Another of the friends I reconnected with was someone I only knew in passing, but she's since become one of my closest friends and I am thankful everyday for the levity she brings to my often-heavy life.

#WEverb11 #4 Haiku

2011-12-05T13:54:00.001-06:00

Write a Haiku.

What Sum up your year, via Haiku.

It starts so hopeful
Then we play the waiting game
Still waiting for you

#WEverb11 #3 Learn

2011-12-05T13:51:00.001-06:00

Learn.

What lesson did you learn in 2011 from "The School of Life" rather than a classroom?

I think the biggest lesson of 2011 for me has been patience. I may want things right this second, but life seems to think otherwise and my best laid plans go to waste. But, I'm learning to be patient and that things will happen when they happen and I can't rush them.

#WEverb11 #2 Listen.

2011-12-02T12:20:00.001-06:00

Listen.

What song did you listen to in 2011 to completely change your mood? Think about ways you can you add more music to your life in 2012.

I consider myself a bit of an audiophile, so its hard to narrow it down to one song, one mood. I have a rather long list of Spotify playlists.

My all-time favorite songs are deep, moody ones and usually after a long, hard, stressful day, my best way to release and relax is to turn on some emotional music and take a long bubble bath or hot shower (now that we don't have a ginormous bath tub anymore). It seems counter-intuitive to listen to sad music when you're sad to make yourself feel better, but I find that letting myself get emotional is the best way to work through sad feelings.

The song that has cropped up most frequently on my "Bubble Bath Mix" has been Slow Show by The National.

The National speaks to my heart, I love just about every song they've ever made. During our TTC journey, the following lines from Slow Show just seem to make sense:

You know I dreamed about you
for twenty-nine years before I saw you
You know I dreamed about you
I missed you for
for twenty-nine years

In 2012, I'm predicting that I'll be spending just as much time immersed in my deep, moody Spotify playlists, but I'm hoping it will be to cope with crazy pregnancy hormones and not stress.

Join me in WEverb 11! Visit http://www.weverb11.com/ for more information and daily prompts!

#WEverb11 #1

2011-12-01T10:23:00.001-06:00

Choose one word.

Encapsulate the year 2011 in one word. Explain why. Imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2012 for you?

In the spirit of where this all started… this is the same first prompt from 2010.

HOPE

This year I have been hopeful. Sure, I've worried and stressed and cried, but mostly, I've hoped for a positive outcome, so I'm looking back at this year as one filled with Hope. I've hoped for clean test results, hoped for regular cycles, hoped for positive pregnancy tests--I've hoped for a child and I'll continue hoping until I'm holding him/her in my arms.

I'm hoping that 2012 will be full of Love. Lasting love in my relationship with my husband, free of the strain so many endure during their TTC process and hopefully love for a child we have yet to meet.

Join me in WEverb 11! Visit http://www.weverb11.com/ for more information and daily prompts!

Thankful

2011-11-29T10:12:00.001-06:00

For some reason, my automated post from last week didn't post! Oops!

In the last few weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, I've been thinking a lot about being thankful. I'm thankful for so so many things--family, friends, my husband, our jobs, our home, our health--but I still can't shake the feeling that there's something missing. Oddly, I'm thankful for that feeling of something missing. Everyday I dream about our future children and those dreams are so hopeful, so happy.

I'm thankful for this period of uncertainty. Bring it on.

Baby Blues - Holiday Edition

2011-11-21T14:59:00.001-06:00

This was the year I was supposed to become a Mom, or at least be pregnant.

Our holiday card should have featured an adorable bundle of joy.

SO not the case.

Accounting on a Baby

Construction

Another year goes by

The FUN Test

Life goes on

She ate what?

Looking under the hood

Five More Minutes!

Here's Hoping

#WEverb11 #6 Favor

#WEverb11 #5 Befriend

#WEverb11 #4 Haiku

#WEverb11 #3 Learn

#WEverb11 #2 Listen.

#WEverb11 #1

Thankful

Baby Blues - Holiday Edition

Top 10 Must Haves

Baby Astrology

Back in the TWW

Passing Time

Life Happens

The Visitor

There's no Time!

Tempting Fate

Announcing