Acid Gurl's Satire via Clipartistry

Look out Coke and Pepsi, There's a New Soda in Town!

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 02:17:00 +0000

There is a new soft drink that is set to take the world by storm. From the country that brought us Ghandi, The Taj Mahal, and Bollywood, comes a new era in personal refreshment. "Gau Jal" or Cow Piss as it's known outside of India is making waves in the heavily competitive soft drink industry.

From The Times: India's Hindu nationalist movement is nearly complete in the development of a new soft drink made from cow urine. This product is being developed by the Cow Protection Department (no I did not make that up, but I wish I did) of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS), India's biggest and oldest Hindu nationalist group.
Om Prakash, the head of the department, said the drink – called "gau jal", or "cow water" – in Sanskrit was undergoing laboratory tests and would be launched "very soon, maybe by the end of this year".
"Don't worry, it won't smell like urine and will be tasty too," he told The Times from his headquarters in Hardwar, one of four holy cities on the River Ganges. "Its USP will be that it's going to be very healthy. It won't be like carbonated drinks and would be devoid of any toxins."

That is of course assuming you do not consider piss to be a toxin. The Department of Cow Protection has recently retained a team of consultants to determine how to best position the product to compete directly with Coca Cola and Pepsi. Currently the DCP is in negotiations to secure R. Kelley as the official spokesperson. Details to follow.

Octowhore Wants to Tell Amazing Story

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 02:52:00 +0000

I think it will go something like this. I have a personality disorder that gives me a craving for attention that can never be satisfied. I thought when I was younger that banging any guy that would look my way would make me feel better, but it did not work. Then one day while my mother was caring for my six children, I thought, that's it. I will have more. If I birth them, they will come. Angelina, eat your heart out. Oprah, suck my ass if you think my story is worth anything less than two million. Once I have more children people will always remember me, I will be famous. Worst case, I get some sweet welfare cash.

Want to give a special shot out to Joosh for his consultation on this piece.

Phelps - High Times Man of the Year

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 03:00:00 +0000

Well not really, but after all can you imagine how high this guy can get with that lung capacity? Glad to see they are not making too big of a deal about this as far as the Olympic Committee goes. Well care or not, he is still a great athlete and he is still a youngin, so let's just hope it ends with this tomfoolery. Obviously his brain is on reserve til he hits the water. Come on Phelps, if you are going to get high, don't take pictures of it, then you can deny it like everyone else does.

What Would Jesus Do?

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 02:40:00 +0000

He would dunk on those bitches, that's what he'd do.

So should this guy get fired for running up the score at a girls high school basketball game. OK, here is the summary, bigger school vs. 20 student all girl school. The end result 40% of the small school's students also happen to be on the basketball team. So apparently this small school doesn't have the best record, they have failed to win at all. So by halftime the score is 59 - 0. At game end, 100 - 0.

So, also, lets add they are both private Christian schools, and the small school specializes in teaching girls with special needs. Not like special Olympics special, just like dylsexia and attention disorders.

Maybe if the kids could pay attention, they would be better ball players. I think they should give the coach a bonus for creating the first ever exciting to watch girls basketball game.

Mormoms You Are Totally American

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 04:30:00 +0000

Tom Hanks caved in this week and apologized for calling the Mormoms un-American
From FoxNews.com

Tom Hanks says he's sorry he told FOXNews.com that Mormons who supported California's constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage were "un-American."

"Last week, I labeled members of the Mormon church who supported California's Proposition 8 as 'un-American,'" the actor said in a statement through his publicist. "I believe Proposition 8 is counter to the promise of our Constitution; it is codified discrimination."

"But everyone has a right to vote their conscience; nothing could be more American," the statement continues. "To say members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints who contributed to Proposition 8 are 'un-American' creates more division when the time calls for respectful disagreement. No one should use 'un- American' lightly or in haste. I did. I should not have."

Tom went on to say, that he was just moved by the decision because his high school drama teacher was a gay Mormon.

Good Luck Steve

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 23:46:00 +0000

Well, my buddy Fake Steve stopped posting a long time ago out of respect for the health of Jobso. So I will follow the same path, good luck, o maker of the ipod, the coolest single product that I own. The only thing better was the addition of the Genius feature for folks like me that are constantly hitting the 'next' button.

Hopefully a new liver will get you back on your feet again and developing cool products and beating on your employees.

Good luck, get well soon.

Don't Call it a Comeback

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 16:39:00 +0000

So my little hiatus is done and I guess its time for me to get back into the groove and maybe start writing every now and then.

Gettin' all Political

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 23:16:00 +0000

Don't send a lame eCard. Try JibJab Sendables!

Another Well Planned Sign

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 01:55:00 +0000

Been awhile....
I was on a shoot recently on the beautiful beaches in Sarasota, FL. As I walked near the beach I noticed several bus stops. I figured with all of the popularity with 2girls1cup.com, it was only appropriate to share. Enjoy.

This is Just Cool

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 05:02:00 +0000

I wish I would have thought of this one, but I didn't. Can't give credit to the artist because I do not know who it is. Either way I thought it was appropriate that we not take the spotlight away from our current leaders.

Monkeys Like to Pay to Play Just Like Us

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 01:38:00 +0000

So it looks like even monkeys can't get a piece without the female requiring something in return. Maybe that whole evolution thing might be true. So this opens up a whole line of thinking for me, like, if monkeys had porn, would they still go through so much trouble to get laid?

People of the Year

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 02:40:00 +0000

Here is a new years tribute to all of those professors and doctors that have surely touched the lives of many!!! These are all listed in no particular order. And don't worry, all of these links are work safe I promise. So check out some of the people who have touched my life, even if they didn't know it.

I swear to you, this is no joke, this was a fulfillment of a destiny
Hey what you do on the weekend is your business
What happened to don't ask don't tell? - U of Oklahoma
See, here is a real life example of it - UNC
This guy should have been a plastic surgeon
Who doesn't love a nice group of..
Not a Jew
Just don't call him Charlie
My favorite Dr. who should have been a urologist

Larry E. aka Pimpdaddy

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 03:26:00 +0000

Here is a great post from Fake Steve that also happens to feature art work from yours truly. Hey at least one of us is a good writer. I guess in a perfect world I would never type, just make pictures.

Huckabee's Cross to Bear

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 01:15:00 +0000

Well there was a lot of discussion about whether or not the 'cross' in the background of Huckabee's Christmas ad was intentional 'subliminal imagery'. Regardless, he mentions Jesus, so whether the cross was planned or not, is kinda moot point.

An insider that was close to the production actually mentioned that the staff considered several different background before deciding on the 'discreet cross'. My source was kind enough to pass along a few stills.

If You Smoke Pot, I Will Sell Your Toys

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 02:23:00 +0000

So I dont know much about this game, but it seems somewhat hypocritical to buy your kid a game that allows him to pretend he is a rock star and then get pissed when you catch him doing dope? But then to turn around and sell the kid's toy for nine grand, that's just messed up. Maybe you should spend more time with your kid in real life.

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
Livin in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
Well I'll stay skinny 'cause I just won't eat
And I'll hang out in the coolest bars
With the VIP's and the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair
And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary of
Today's who's who
They'll get you anything
With that evil smile
Everybody's got a
Drug dealer on speed dial well
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I'm just saying, that's all.

Michael Vick Starring in 'Locked Up'

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 04:05:00 +0000

In a world where few friends are made, two men find love....

Who Needs A Credit Card?

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 03:36:00 +0000

I read about this on FoxNews today. Apparently Wal-Mart has been selling girls panties in their junior section that have the following phrase printed on them 'Who Needs a Credit Card'. Apparently this was brought to the public's attention in large part thanks to feministing.com. Here is the quote that I think sums up the concerns of the feminist.

"There's nothing quite like telling adolescent girls that they don't need to worry about finances since they have their very own moneypot between their legs,"

They also set up a link to let Wal-Mart know how they felt. Their voice was heard, go go girl power.

Contact customer service here and corporate offices here: let them know that preteen vaginas aren't commodities.

Well the Acidgurl crew set out to design a product that is a little more discreet.

Bill's New Toy

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 03:15:00 +0000

Facebook Dummy, originally uploaded by acidgurl.

Hey Dummy

My Other Dog is a Rescue

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 06:06:00 +0000

Look at my rescue dog. I'm such a great person!!!!

Ok, I just have to vent about this one. In my neighborhood there are very limited areas in which to walk my beautiful dog. This FORCES me to interact with the most annoying group of people I know. I like to call them 'The Rescuers'. Now, make no mistake, I love all animals, well not cats, but I digress. Anyway, I have nothing against adopting a dog from the pound. I'm not even complaining about those people. 'The Rescuers' as I call them get more pleasure from saying their dog is a rescue than actually owning a dog.

I am so fucking sick of these morons, asking me if my dog has papers, or is she purebred. First off, I normally just tell them to suck it at that point or pretend I am hearing impaired. But every now and then, I'm not paying attention, I'm focusing on keeping my dog from being raped by some useless pitbull and I get caught off guard. So there I am, does my dog have papers, what? You know is she purebred. Well I don't know Einstein what do you think? She's a big furry golden retriever, hell I can't tell her apart from the other ones, I think they all look alike, so yes, she is pure.

douche: Oh... my dog is a rescue.

me: Ok

douche: Don't you see, I rescued him, he would have been killed if it wasn't for me

me: Congratulations, if I had a medal it would be yours

douche: I just can't believe that people go to dog breeders when there are so many that can be rescued

me: what kind of car do you drive?

douche: Landrover

me: I tell him I drive a 'rescue' '03 Corolla

facebook Executive Retreat

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 23:10:00 +0000

facebook executive retreat, originally uploaded by acidgurl.

Soon he will have enough money to buy a new fleece

Did We Really Think This Wouldn't Come Back Up?

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 01:47:00 +0000

Doe's a bear shit in the woods?

More allegations about gay sex and Larry Craig are coming out. This time a male escort is claiming that he made a few bucks off of the Idaho Senator.

From idahostatesmen.com

Four gay men, willing to put their names in print and whose allegations can't be disproved, have come forward since news of U.S. Sen. Larry Craig's guilty plea. They say they had sex with Craig or that he made a sexual advance or that he paid them unusual attention.
They are telling their stories now because they are offended by Craig's denials, including his famous statement, "I am not gay, I never have been gay." Those words, spoken on live national TV on Aug. 28, are now memorialized on a just-released-for-Christmas Talking Senator Larry Craig Action Figure.
David Phillips is a 42-year-old information technology consultant in Washington, D.C., who says Craig picked him up at a gay club in 1986 and that they subsequently had sex.
Mike Jones is a former prostitute who told the world he had sex with the Rev. Ted Haggard last year. The former Colorado Springs evangelist at first denied it but eventually confessed. Jones says Craig paid him for sex in late 2004 or early 2005.
Greg Ruth was a 24-year-old college Republican in 1981 when he says he was hit on by Craig at a Republican meeting in Coeur d'Alene.
Tom Russell, now 48, is a former Nampa resident who lives in Utah. Russell said his encounter with Craig occurred at Bogus Basin in the early 1980s.
A fifth gay man, who is from Boise but who declined to be named for fear of retaliation, offered a recent and telling account: He was in a men's restroom at Denver International Airport in September 2006 when the man in the next stall moved his hand slowly, palm up, under the divider. Alarmed, the man said he waited outside the restroom and then identified the man in the adjoining stall as Craig, whom he had met in Idaho.

One of the best lines in this piece is when Larry says that he was a victim of profiling in the airport bathroom sting. I guess that's true since they were profiling by assuming there was gay sex going on in the restroom.

Show Me Your Shlort!!!

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 04:11:00 +0000

Small penises have been making headlines around the world lately. The first one comes from the UK where a flasher tried to use the 'my penis is way too small to expose myself' defense. While this might fly in Asia, it didn't look like the jury was moved by the 'underdeveloped member' enough to show mercy.

Then here, courtesy of the gossip websites, there is a picture of a more famous lil pecker on Mr. Bonadouchee. Hey, maybe the guy just got out of the pool, or a meat locker, or had another run in with a tranny. Who am I to judge. He's got great abs, he can hang is hat on that one, just not on his slim jimmy. Thanks to the reader (well actually stop sending shit like this to me) who sent this one. It was posted on Perez Hilton with a credit to this photographer Brett Mickelson

Sup Dog, We Have Not Forgotten!

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 04:31:00 +0000

M Dell Reads Fake Steve Jobs Too

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 05:04:00 +0000

mdell copy, originally uploaded by acidgurl.

Turns out that Mr. Dell is a fan of FSJ, look he even bought a shirt!

Finally, Now I Know How to Vote!!!

noreply@blogger.com (AcidGurl) — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 01:45:00 +0000

I have been losing sleep over this one for some time now. But luckily today it came out that Babs is endorsing Hillary Clinton. I was afraid that Barbara was going to ride the fence on this one, making it impossible for me and the rest of the public able to decide on which Democrat to put into the Oval Office. I just hope that Ben Affleck doesn't choose a different candidate because then I will really be torn.

In a related story, Oprah is prepared to support Obama. I can't go with Oprah because I just do not like the way she treats Stedman, sorry Obama.

I'm just thankful that celebrities are brave enough to stand up for what they believe in!