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Moving Out.

2008-03-16T15:07:00.001+08:00

2008-03-01T11:51:00.001+08:00

I would give up what I have
to have a life.

I would give up what I have
to have more friends.

I would give up what I have
to have a future education.

I would give up what I have
to have a future career.

I would give up what I have
to get away from this mudane life.

I hate my life.
I'm feeling so fucked up.
Many people envy what I got, but I don't.
I envy what they have.

Urge

2008-02-23T23:51:00.002+08:00

I suddenly have an urge to blog, so I'll blog. Haha. It seems like blogging now is more of a recreational activity to relieve stress and boredom. Previously, blogging everyday was a neccessity for me.

These few weeks since my last entry has been quite a hectic one for me. I was posted to MI through JAE. So I went down for the first day of orientation, but I realised that school life (with uniform and strict discipline inclusive of detention) isn't for me. So I withdrew.

Cos I was not able to appeal my JAE, I wrote appeal letters to the Polys, and I sincerely hope they will review my application and take me in. I'm also applying for RP's DAE on Thursday. Well, worse come to worse, if I can't get in, I already registered for MDIS Mass Communications.

Sometimes I regret, regret not studying well 2 years ago. Regret that right now I'm starting school one year later than my friends. Regret that I can't go into the course I want even 2 years of taking O-levels. I feel useless, I feel stupid, I feel like an outcast.

But I do have to get over it, don't I? Haiz...

Cherish

2008-02-08T00:30:00.000+08:00

Been a long time since I last blogged again. Chinese New Year is here. So I wish everyone a Happy and Prosperous Chinese New Year!

One word stuck to my mind today: cherish. I realise that I have always wished for greater things, and I forget to cherish what I already have, and how lucky I am.

Well ever since you (and no, it's not Jesus) came into my life, I'm beginning to cherish what I already have, and appreciate how lucky I am. But today another revelation hit me, although I have begun to cherish, I totally ignored the most important thing I need to cherish: you.

Going out on dates with you, it's like just going for an outing, and not a date. We've gone to almost every retail place Singapore has to offer, and we've experienced both the high life and the low life, but we've hardly had quality time alone. And since I'm the one planning most of the dates, I am responsible for it. I'm sorry for not doing anything about us spending way too much, not giving you enough personal space and I'm sorry for not listening and paying attention to you.

Because, I used to believe that a great date is one where we are busy doing something all the time. Until our second month (where you planned it), I realised something. The times we spent alone at Fort Canning and Esplanade honestly, were the times I felt that we were really together as a couple, and time seemed to stay still. I am determined that for our next dates, instead of being busy, we'll spend more quality time together, instead of busy focusing on something else.

I will learn to cherish you even more, and love you even more. Despite what I may have said (whether I already forgotten or not), I promise I will not leave you. I love you, always and forever.

O-level Results

2008-01-27T23:32:00.000+08:00

Ok. So the O-level results were out few days ago. Lol. I did way better than last year, so I'm kinda happy with my results. So my 2007/2006 Combined Results were:

English: A1 (2006)
E-Math: E8 (2006), D7 (2007)*
Chinese: B3
Science: E8 (2006), C6 (2007)*
Combined Humanities: B3
Geography: C5
F&N: D7

*Cambridge took the better result for the Combined Results.

It ain't impressive or anything, but at least it shows I DID try better. So I guess I'm not a failure. Anyway, I submitted my JAE. The courses I chose were:

1 - N67 MASS COMMUNICATION (NGEE ANN POLYTECHNIC)
2 - S89 INTERIOR DESIGN (SINGAPORE POLYTECHNIC)
3 - T48 PSYCHOLOGY STUDIES (TEMASEK POLYTECHNIC)
4 - 43A MILLENNIA INSTITUTE (ARTS) (MILLENNIA INSTITUTE)
5 - T40 COMMUNICATIONS & MEDIA MGT (TEMASEK POLYTECHNIC)
6 - T22 INTERIOR ARCHITECTURE & DESIGN (TEMASEK POLYTECHNIC)
7 - C64 SPACE & INTERIOR DESIGN (NANYANG POLYTECHNIC)
8 - S66 ARCHITECTURE (SINGAPORE POLYTECHNIC)
9 - T20 APPAREL DESIGN & MERCHANDISING (TEMASEK POLYTECHNIC)
10 - S94 LANDSCAPE ARCHITECTURE (SINGAPORE POLYTECHNIC)
11 - N79 BUSINESS & SOCIAL ENTERPRISE (NGEE ANN POLYTECHNIC)
12 - N77 PSYCHOLOGY & COMMUNITY SERVICES (NGEE ANN POLYTECHNIC)

It's a big improvement. So I'm extremely happy with it, considering I only had ONE Poly course I was eligible to last year. Lol. ;)

Stupid Me

2008-01-16T21:56:00.001+08:00

I'm so stupid. Yea, stupid enough for me to take a year to discover I'm stupid. 99% of my friends got 5 or more O-level credits in 1 sitting? Me? I need 2, or most prolly, 3.

I can't even go to a freaking Poly course. Let alone the unpopular ones that require low scores. I can't even apply for a decent job. Why? Because they need FIVE freaking credits. When I only got FOUR. I'm fucking dumb.

So what if everyone says, woah, my English got A1, I wish I could get A1 too. PLEASE. I would rather exchange for 5 credits full of Bs, Cs and Ds then for one fucking A1 that can't even get me anywhere. At least I can go to a Poly course.

I'm a fucking idiot. Self-centered, stubborn. A total failure in life. That's all I am.

Hey...

2008-01-13T23:29:00.000+08:00

Haven't been blogging for 2 weeks. LOL. I guess for some time, I don't have the inspiration to pen down my thoughts into words. But the urge to blog has come back again, for no particular reason at all.

Well. These two weeks have been mudane in general, I guess I live an extremely monotonous life? Have been going to SP and TP open houses. I wanna start school asap! :( I didn't realise one year in the corporate world has changed me so much. I guess the transition from normal teenager to working adult and back to normal teenager again won't be easy. But at least, I'm back on where I'm supposed to be - studying, and not working.

Honestly, I miss rushing for assignments, mugging for tests, hanging out with friends after school... I really really stare at envy at my friends who are in poly. Well I hope I'll be able to get into interior design, fashion design or mass communications.

Anyway, speaking of other stuff, the start of this year hasn't been a good one for me. Since I started off emo-ing for the first 30 mins of the new year. But after that, its like, everything's back to normal. And I'm happy that it is. But I'm not a person who's contented with "just as it is", so I'm gonna make some New Year resolutions for myself: learn how to cycle (yes I still DON'T KNOW how to cycle.), learn to skate, start going to gym and become a better person.

Well, these are manageable I think. So I think I'll leave it like that for the time being. So yea. I'm also planning to get closer with God. Sounds holy, eh? LOL. I think I've neglected my relationship with God for waay too long. But I'm not planning to go back to church any soon.

Oh yea, and for those who know about my relationship. Everything's back to normal and it's stronger than before. I'm gonna be a better bf and a better person overall. I love my chipmunk. xD

"So i wait upon You now, with my hands released to You, where a little faith's enough, to see mountains lift and move."

2008!

2008-01-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

Hey guys! Happy New Year! It's 2008- a brand new year, a brand new beginning! So how did you guys celebrate your new year? Hope all of you had fun. =D

As for me, I decided to do something different this year. (And also partly cos I got no choice) You can see that I'm blogging at 12:00 am, so I'm obviously home. Lol. Well who says that to celebrate a new year it's fun, fun and fun? =P I guess it'll be a quiet time for me this new year bah, a time for me to reflect on the previous year, let go of it and start on a new journey.

Well then guys, enjoy 2008!

Hope

2007-12-30T17:27:00.000+08:00

Hope is a curious thing, it fails you many times and yet you are constantly attracted to it. Once you have lost all hope, you become emotionally dead. Hope is something most of us, including me, live on, even though we know the [good and bad] consequences of it.

Aside from love, hope is the center of a strong relationship. Because even when the relationship is in its lowest point, there is still this shimmer of hope that both parties need to grab hold of. Even when there's 0.0001% hope left in a relationship, it is still hope nevertheless.

That's why I'm hoping everything will turn out fine.

New Job

2007-12-21T01:24:00.000+08:00

I feel it's time for me to leave my comfort zone once again, and start searching for another job. I don't want to depend on my family too much, I want to be independant and have freedom.

Some people may say I'm stupid for letting go of this job. BUT, working for family is not as glamorous as it seems. Sure, people respect you and dare not touch you. You can go in anytime you want, and go out anytime you want. But, they'll bitch about you at the back. And, there is completely no freedom. My dad knows when I don't report to work, or when I leave office. Thus, making going out much more difficult.

I'm trying for different admin jobs. Applied for one at G2000/Wing Tai corporate office. Hope they reply.

God

2007-12-16T18:43:00.000+08:00

I was listening to this old (ok, maybe not that old) song by Chris Tomlin, How Great is Our God. It got me into deep thinking (yet, again. LOL). I have neglected God too much, and no I don't mean by not going to church, because I've said, I've broken off all relations to City Harvest Church as I do not agree with certain doctrines they teach, the way they handle finances and the way they treat their members. I mean my personal relationship with God.

Because I know no matter what I do, or what choices I take in life, God is still there to either rescue me from it or encourage me to go on. That is how I view God personally, not "the God" but "my God".

Because I have experienced God personally (notice how many times I used the word "personally"), I know He is real. And I don't really need people to tell me how to view God. And I know God is seeing every move I make, overseeing my life, my relationship right now and every step I take.

I love You God, and I love you dear. (=

Hello!

2007-12-16T17:59:00.000+08:00

Hey guys! I'm back blogging.
LOL.
There isn't much changes to the blog,
cos actually there was supposed to be snow,
but yea... the dumb code couldn't work out.
So suan le...

Christmas is around the corner,
but yet I don't feel the festive mood.
Perhaps its cos I received my NS registration letter?
Or perhaps cos I'll be broke?
Haha.

But let's not dwell in the negative bah.
While I do some more changes to the blog,
I wish you guys happy shopping for presents. :D