Even within our own organizations, people on the development and business sides of the house think we over-promise to our prospects and clients.

Of course there is an enormous temptation to tell people what they want to hear – but if what they want to hear is not true, you’d best not tell them that it is.  There is, in fact, a better way.

All prospects (indeed all people) have what’s called a “hierarchy of needs.”  For all of us, the first element in that hierarchy is food and water.  Then comes shelter, safety, friendship, self-esteem, etc.

You can’t really skip over any of these stages and be successful.  If you don’t have food and water, the most beautiful house in the world won’t do you much good.

For a prospective customer, you can also identify a hierarchy of needs.  Let’s use the example of a business that is looking for new windows.

You can identify (for example) that their core need is to stop wasting money and energy with their existing un-insulated windows.  Pretty latches, fancy frames, and interesting color schemes may all be great – but the primary need is a window that will not cause them to heat and air-condition the outdoors.

Your competitors may try to distract them with talk of argon gas vs. Low-E coatings, vinyl vs. fiberglass, integral lift rails, and balance covers.  You may have some, but not all of those options.  And you may have a few that the other guys don’t.  The important thing is to keep the customer’s eye on the ball.  Remember, first, you must have food and water.  Whoever can reliably bring you that is the partner you are most likely to choose.

So what’s the deal anyway?  We’ve got tons of so-called “labor-saving” devices, instantaneous communications, and immediate access to limitless templates and archived data.  Shouldn’t all this be getting easier?

Well, yes and no.

Since people now have effectively continuous access to you, they are using that access to monopolize your life.  That includes prospects, managers, and even colleagues.

With attribution to Tim Ferriss, you need to actively take control of this problem before it eats you.  Ferriss tells you to outsource virtually everything that you do – which is, of course, impossible.  But what you can do is set the terms of the discussion.

With respect to your colleagues, subordinates, and managers, set regular times for each of them to meet with you.  Those meetings should have clearly defined outcomes, topics and discussion points.  If your company wants to start a forum for informal chatter and discussion, that’s fine (and probably a good idea) – but it should be walled off from your key deliverables and responsibilities.

Extraneous information, flights of fancy, and the informal musings of the crowd all serve to hijack your time…and hijack your life.  Set the parameters for your communication and stick to them.

The basic acts of scheduling and information sharing also work exceptionally well in sales.  Every sale  should have milestones and touch points to which you and your prospect have agreed.  This mutually agreeable narrative will make your prospect more comfortable since he always knows what’s coming next.  And it will also make him far less likely to panic and call you at church on Sunday morning to find out if version 2.7.2.7 of your software will be ready by Tuesday.  Because he will already know.

Sometimes it seems like people have just treated us so unfairly that we simply can’t let it go.

But you need to ask yourself this question: “How will the thing that I am about to say benefit me?” If I tell my boss that he’s an a&#@***, I may feel better for a moment – before he fires me. If I tell my prospect that he’s acting like a jerk, I’ll feel vindicated – until I lose the sale.

Rather than jumping back in someone’s face, ask yourself what outcome you intend. In the case of your prospect, you’d probably like to know why he feels the way he does – and how he arrived at that set of emotions.

So for example, if a prospect were to tell me that he considered my behavior to be patronizing or arrogant, I would not say, “Well, you should know ya’ condescending twit!” Rather, I’d ask, “Can you tell me what I’ve done that makes you feel that way?”

Chances are pretty good that I’m not perfect. Hearing what he has to say will increase the likelihood of my making that sale. It will also potentially help me to modify my behavior in the future. Long-term personal improvement beats the momentary satisfaction of anger every time.

Sometimes we find ourselves falling into a rut – saying the same words, performing the same demonstrations, and telling the same jokes. The problem is, this repetition gets old for us, and boring for our prospects (admit it, you can tell when someone is reciting the same joke for the nine-millionth time.)

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Remember that every client is a unique individual who will use your product or service in his own unique way. Which is why we ask prospects questions in the first place. Those questions – and the unique answers that we receive – help us to weave a distinctive narrative each time. When their story becomes central to the sale (as opposed to our tired recitation of generic product benefits), then the sale becomes something fresh and new.

Remember to ask yourself: “How does my presentation address the needs of this prospect?” “In what ways will his or her working life improve once he is using my product or service?” “How are this individual’s needs different from the last person with whom I spoke?” And of course, “why is this person talking to me in the first place?”

So remember to focus on the prospect first. The benefits of your product flow from the needs of the customer – not vice versa. Trust me – your customers will thank you by purchasing more of what you are selling – and by being far more enthusiastic about the sales process itself. Best of all, you may just find yourself having more fun as well!

The feeling that I always used to get from this scenario was one of being…sullied. It’s natural to feel as though your prospect is “cheating” on you with other vendors. It may even feel like he’s mocking you and all your efforts.

This is dysfunctional thinking, and best rooted out early. Everyone involved is doing his best to do a good job – and your ego is simply not a part of it.

Your competitor is trying to pay his own mortgage. And your prospect is trying to do right by his organization.

I find that by having both sympathy and empathy for everyone involved, my own delivery and presentation skills are greatly enhanced. I assume that all parties are acting in good faith, and that the best solution (not the “best person”) will win out.

Over time, it’s much better for your character and for your personality if you feel sorry for the competition when you defeat him rather than feeling triumphant that you’ve made his or her life harder. But of course, defeat him you must.

How many times have you heard people say that? And how many of them do you suppose realize that they are in sales?

Of course most people don’t think of themselves as “salesmen.” But the fact of the matter is, virtually every profession – indeed virtually every human action – has a strong component of salesmanship. From doctors, to lawyers, to contractors, to teachers, every single person must sell himself, sell his ideas, and sell his services to whomever his clients happen to be.

As sales people, we’re just more honest about what we do. We craft specific value propositions for our prospects, we explain why it’s in their best interest to work with us, and we clearly define the costs and benefits of doing so. How does that differ from asking for a date…or convincing your colleagues to get pizza for lunch? Not too much.

It’s true that few children say, “I really want to grow up to be a salesman!” But the reality is that all of our education and all the formative events of our lives move us in the direction of persuasion and accommodation. So let’s hear it for the honesty of the sales person!

Here’s the wrong response: Panic.

It’s true that you should strive to understand your company’s products, your customer’s business, and the key value propositions that bring those two together. But no one in the world expects you to know every possible detail about all those things.

Unfortunately, many sales people think they simply must have an answer to every question. They hem and haw. They backpedal and obfuscate. They do the old soft shoe. They make stuff up.
Here’s a better solution: Say, “That’s a great question – and I’m not really sure of the answer.” This response shows that you are human. Best of all, it gives you the opportunity to follow up with and provide further value to your prospect.

Sounds like a win-win all around.

The “Happiness Paradox” of John Stewart Mill states that, “Only those are happy…who have their mind fixed on something other than their own happiness.”

In other words, attempting to grasp hold of the thing you desperately desire is almost certain to make it slip from your grasp.

Countless sales people suffer from something similar. I call it the “Commission Paradox.” Or perhaps the “Quarterly Goal Paradox.” They become so fixated on making their numbers and/or cashing their checks that they forget to employ the basic strategies of selling.

More to the point, if you are focused on your own narrow goals, your actions will become caricatures of desperation. You must understand that your prospects know when you are desperate. They know when you are working for yourself and not for them.

So try not to worry so much about the final result of the sale. Focus on the systems that you have in place and work through them methodically.

Identify the challenges faced by your prospects, make the number of calls and contacts that you need to make – and remain relentlessly focused on helping your prospects and clients to succeed. Your numbers (and your commissions) will take care of themselves.

In fact, I would go so far as to say that everything you do short of asking for a contract is marketing. Until you ask for a signature on the dotted line, you are painting pictures, telling stories, and creating a vision. All of which are central to the field of marketing.

Of course, the marketing you do on behalf of each individual client or prospect is a highly refined version of what the more general marketing staff is up to. They have to try to figure out what the market wants and needs in the aggregate. As a salesperson, you have the advantage of being able to craft a situation- and client-specific story that will speak directly to known individuals

All of which means that we could do their job. I wonder if they could do ours?

Here are some of the similarities:

• They do not believe in what they are saying. There is a huge difference between reading lines, and actively believing in your “scene.” Just ask Meryl Streep. Then ask Paris Hilton.

• They ignore the other people on stage with them. Great actors pay lots of attention to the other players on stage – so do great sales people. Poor actors and sales people may as well be all by themselves.

• Their motivation is transparently false. Al Pacino isn’t thinking about his vacation plans when he’s on screen. Rather, he’s completely absorbed in the scene that he is playing. In fact, as a method actor, he momentarily believes it’s real. Are you that committed to every sales scene?

• Their physical behavior is exaggerated and strange. Such over-the-top behavior stopped being considered good acting when silent movies went out of fashion. Proper motivation breeds natural physical behavior. Just be normal!