When I was a kid I got bored all the time. I mean all the time. I flittered from one activity to another, never staying long enough to gain any real knowledge or enjoy the experience. As with most children, I didn’t think there was enough time to fit all of this in. I see the same phenomenon now presenting in my own children yet I no longer truly understand it.

Boredom arises when you find yourself doing nothing and desperately want to fill the void. The underlying truth however is that there really is nothing for you to do except to be. Sometimes your being manifests as doing nothing.

Just what is so bad about that? Are we so eager to experience stuff that we don’t see that we can experience the absence of stuff too? We enjoy music because of the silence just as much as the noise. Imagine a musical composition of constant noise with no breaks between notes. It would be hideous. Our lives are no different. The breaks between the doing are immensely important.

Next time you catch yourself looking for something to do next, step back and decide if there really is anything that you have to do right now. If not, enjoy the emptiness.

“You are all individuals.
I’m not.”
- The Life of Brian by Monty Python

Look around you. People are trying to differentiate themselves from those around them in very overt ways. Notice the piercings, tattoos, hairstyles, clothing. Nothing the way they act at parties, what they drink, what they talk about.

Now think about yourself. Are you trying to be something you’re not or are you trying to be yourself? Why are you trying? Why not just be you?

The key to being yourself is honesty. Complete, uncompromising honesty. You must first be honest with yourself. This honesty will teach you about “you”. Then you must be honest with everyone else. If you are not being honest then you are not being yourself.

If you are not being yourself how can you possibly be happy?

So, maybe sit under a tree or stare at a wall and share some moments of quite contemplation with yourself. We spend far too much time trying to understand the world outside and not nearly enough trying to understand the world within.

And lastly, don’t be attached to what people think about you. If you care too much about what they think, you’ll never be free to be yourself.

Our ability to communicate our thoughts, feelings and points of view is one aspect that separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. It’s just that we’re not all that good at it all of the time.

Recently, I wrote about returning from Bali and having some difficulty readjusting to Western life. Well, in the time since I’ve made a very important discovery. It’s nothing astounding or previously unknown but it is worth taking some time to mull over:

Communication is one of the keys to happiness.

Perhaps it is the key to happiness (although I am sure there are others). It simply strikes me that whenever you’re in a funk you can get yourself out of it by talking to someone. (It helps when you talk to the right person.)

Sure sometimes you need to think about all this human condition stuff by yourself. Yet ultimately it takes interaction with other evolved apes to get to the heart of matters.

A few other observations:

• Email and SMS are crap ways to communicate when serious conversation is required
• There’s too great a margin for error when things are left unsaid
• Time does not heal all wounds
• A tough conversation is better than no conversation at all
• Conflict isn’t always bad

In closing, I have recently found that a good old bout of in depth chin wagging makes you feel more alive. What do you think?

Every single day you will be faced with the necessity of making decisions. This is unavoidable no matter how much you want to press the big ol’ pause button on life. Decisions may be minor (Which shoes will I wear?), moderate (Do I buy that new car?) or major (Should I change my career?). They are all decisions and they all demand time and energy.

Bad decisions

Bad decisions can often be identified by the following:

• Immediate gratification
• Requiring more decisions to repair the damage

Bad decisions are often based on:

• Convenience
• Emotion
• Whimsy
• The quick fix

Good decisions

Good decisions can often be identified by the following:

• Long term gratification
• Being in line with your personal ethics
• Uncomfortable
• Difficult
• Require time for consideration

Good decisions are often based upon:

• Experience
• Adequate consideration
• Consultation with friends and family

Weighing the options

If you’re looking to feel better immediately, then you’re looking down the barrel of a bad decision. Yes, sometimes quick decisions turn out okay, but rarely do quick decisions -made for the purpose of feeling better right now or convenience – lend themselves to positive longer term outcomes.

If you want to get better at making decisions take the time to review how your most recent decisions have turned out. Are you feeding your ego? Are you feeding your desire for immediate gratification? Or are you setting yourself up for long-term benefits? Are you making the tough decisions that life requires?

If all else fails just do what most people do and stick your head in the sand.

In the past two weeks I have travelled to Bali and the Sunshine Coast. At both destinations, even though extremely busy, I felt immediately relaxed.

In Bali I was working. On the Sunshine Coast I was helping prepare for the wedding of good friends. Both are not exactly stress-free activities. And yet, both times I felt like I was on holiday.

We spend our lives struggling to make ends meet to fulfil dreams and goals pushed onto us by other (often the previous generation). We work ourselves into the ground and look forward to two, three or four weeks holiday at the end of the year. And even this is stressful. We wonder if we can really afford it. We agonise over where to go. We get frustrated by having to travel. Tell me this isn’t ass about.

Well, I’ve made a decision. I’m going to work towards making every day a holiday. I’m going to find a place where the weather and the environment make this possible. I’m going to find a job or build a business that allows me to have the time to enjoy each and every day.

What are you going to do to change your lifestyle for the better?

Click here to view the embedded video.

I’ve just arrived back home after another outstanding week in Bali. I travelled to that little piece of Paradise for the second ever Camp Firebrand. And wow, did I have a good time. Honestly, it’s not all play, there’s some work to do. But wow nonetheless.

It’s been over six months since I wrote for this blog. I warned you all earlier that I write more for me than you. And truth be told, writing here just didn’t seem important this year. Don’t ask me why. I just had other stuff to do – not crap stuff – just stuff that I saw as more important.

Reality hit me as soon as I got back home. Or did it hit me while I was in Bali? You see, the Balinese people lead a beautifully simple life. It isn’t an easy life but it is a simple one. Their concerns are basic yet important: food, shelter, education, medicine. They aren’t concerned with all the bullshit we concern ourselves with – flash cars, investment properties, sexy clothing, bling jewellery… So, I’ve been struggling to come to grips with life back home.

My stress levels have skyrocketed since I got back. It’s not that anything here is necessarily more stressful than it is in Bali. Let’s be honest, I have more money than most people over there, I have a solid house, health insurance and a good wage. And yet, I find myself agonising over bills, money and other inconsequential stuff. I’ve been feeling quite ill at ease.

While I was in Bali, I marvelled at how content the locals were with their lot. It seems to me that we lot over here might be a little too proud for our own good. Things would be a lot simpler for us all if we were content with what we have; if we were happy to be alive; if we would just be here here.

Ambition makes you look pretty ugly – Thom Yorke (Radiohead)

Some years ago, I studied a Southern Chinese martial art. It was an effective self-defence system steeped in tradition. I learned a lot at that school. Mostly, I learned from the precepts listed upon the school’s altar. The one that I remember most is:

Expectation is the path to defeat.

This little sentence was written in the context of conflict. It reminded us that we should not anticipate a move by our opponent and instead await movement and react. We could argue the validity of such a premise for sometime. It is the application to daily life that I find most interesting and useful.

How anticipation is misleading

Anticipation is based upon previous actions. You build a knowledge base from your experiences and you use it to form responses to certain input from your environment. In some instances this is essential, for example knowing how drivers react to red and green lights. However, in many ways it can lead to disaster.

In a previous post, I discussed my troubles with people not adapting to my new perspective. This is a result of anticipation. People always anticipate what you will say and do based on your previous behaviour. They do not consider that previous behaviour is not indicative of future behaviour.

Enter the double-edged sword. If others are anticipating your actions, it’s certain you are doing the same. This is what I mean by “it’s not you, it’s me.”

When you come to realise that you are in fact expecting a certain response you will be better placed to interact in a more appropriate manner.

By not relying on expected behaviour you are free to experience every interaction anew without preconception. You will not fall into the trap of predetermination. Without preconception and predetermination, your interactions become dynamic, interesting and enjoyable.

Those Zen guys have known this for years

My favourite Zen koan comes from The Mumonkan. Case 17 reads:

The National Teacher called his attendant three times, and three times the attendant responded.
The National Teacher said, “I long feared that I was betraying you, but really it was you who were betraying me.”

On first glance, this koan is almost intelligible to the uninitiated. When you ponder it you will see that the case is about a teacher calling his attendant on three separate occasions. On each occasion the attendant responds. The brilliance is that the attendant responds each time with no preconceived idea of the interaction that is about to take place. Therefore, he is free to behave without expectation or anticipation.

Imagine that you were called by your boss three times in quick succession. Would you be frustrated? Would you be angry? Would you respond in a certain fashion because you had a preconceived idea of what the interactions will be?

For an amazing explanation of this koan by Ven. Eshu, please listen to this episode from The Living Zen Podcast.

Acceptance and redemption

If you have had a gut full of feeling frustrated all the time, look inward.

Is it your preconceptions that are causing your frustration?

Is it your expectations not being met that is causing your frustration?

It is much simpler to change yourself than it is to change everyone else.

Free yourself, let go, and be dynamic and spontaneous in your interactions with others.

Apparently diet and nutrition is a very complicated topic. And it’s become more complicated since a commercial aspect arose in the last few decades. For some strange reason it seems humans have forgotten how to eat. Popular media and government agencies have somehow managed to convince the majority of the population to eat poorly. Well, it’s time to think for yourself and question authority.

Eating well isn’t difficult and it isn’t complicated. In fact, I’ve got two words for you that provide almost all of your answers: Paleo Diet.

Let me explain the beauty of The Paleo Diet:

1. it’s simple
2. it’s cost effective
3. it’s a framework not a commercial construct
4. it’s about eating real food
5. it works

At Firebrand Fitness, we have tried just about every “sensible” dietary strategy we could find. Often we experimented on ourselves. Without doubt, The Paleo Diet is the best model we have found. Why? The Paleo Diet instructs you to eat the foods that you are designed to eat. 

The Paleo Diet in a nutshell

“Base your diet on garden vegetables, especially greens, lean meats, nuts and seeds, little starch, and no sugar.” (From crossfit.com)

The goal is to eliminate inflammatory agents in your diet. These are generally grains and legumes. Avoid gluten at all costs.

Don’t worry about fats and carbs. A moderate amount of carbs and a lot of fats is generally a good thing.

Drink a lot of water.

Paleo eating - so damn tasty!

Educate yourself

Don’t take my word for it. Please. Try it yourself.

Take a look at these amazing resources to learn more about how you should be eating:

• The Paleo Solution – Robb Wolf’s amazingly detailed website about all things Paleo Diet. Read his book too!
• Whole9Life – An awesome site from Dallas and Melissa Hartwig that explains exactly how to get the most out of life by eating well. Home of The Whole30, my recommendation for starting your Paleo Diet lifestyle.
• Primal Body, Primal Mind - Nora Gedgaudas’s site that takes you beyond the principles of The Paleo Diet and digs deeply into the science behind it. Nora has a great book too.
• Mark’s Daily Apple – Mark Sisson’s easy to understand, easy to apply site about living life to the fullest via Paleo principles. Mark’s book The Primal Blueprint is a great way to learn about this lifestyle without too much science.

Last word

Don’t agonise over your diet. You already know what you should be eating. Just be sensible. And, of course, keep it simple.

After years and years of running around chasing my tail I finally realised that the simple way is the only way. Confusion, complexity and stress were my modus operandi. These days I choose the simple path and that all started for me by simplifying my business day. So, here are my three super duper tips to get you started:

1. Turn off notifications

You really don’t need to know about everything that happens as it happens. Sure there are some aspects of your job that will require immediate attention (especially if you’re an air traffic controller) but I have no doubt that you are overwhelmed by notifications that are unimportant.

Are you suffering notification anxiety?

It’s time to disconnect.

Here’s what you need to do right now:

• Turn off all notifications of new email messages and commit to checking your email inbox only at designated times through the day. Perhaps start checking on the hour, then every 2 hours. I aim to check my inbox only twice per day.
• Turn off the auto-check feature in your email client. If you don’t see the messages land in your inbox you won’t be tempted to read them right now.
• Police your usage of social media applications. Perhaps set a time to do this? Say, after you complete a key task. And please turn off the notifications that get sent to your smart phone.

“But wait! There are some messages I really need to know about”

Okay, I admit it sometimes you really are hanging on an important email message. In these cases you need a tool like AwayFind. AwayFind will let you know when certain emails hit your account with a ping to your smart phone. Yes, it’s still a notification but it’s being used intelligently to make your day simpler. One important notification is better than many varied and probably useless notifications.

2. One thing at a time

Multi-tasking is a myth. You cannot, by definition, do more than one thing at a time. At any instant you are only really doing one thing. The trick is learning to dedicate everything you have to that one thing. By focusing intently upon one thing at a time you will find that you do not get anxious about upcoming tasks. Further, your results will be much improved. Half-focus never produces the goods.

At the end of each day, I generally write myself a list of three important tasks for the next day. These are the tasks I will complete before ay others. Often, it’s only the first task that I get to. That’s okay because the first task is always the important one. I focus on that task until it is complete and then I take a break and move on to the next task.

The simplest approach to getting things done is to do one thing at a time.

3. Schedule your breaks

Working right through without any down time is plain stupid. That’s right I said it, stupid. Yeah, yeah, sometimes you’re really busy but that doesn’t make a workday without breaks any less stupid. You simply cannot work most effectively for long periods of time. Eventually fatigue will set in and the quality of your output will diminish. To avoid producing crappy work be sure to schedule rest periods. Here are a few different ways to incorporate scheduled breaks into your day:

• Schedule breaks every 90 minutes. No matter where you are in your task, take a 15 minute break every 90 minutes
• Schedule breaks at every task milestone. Take a break every time you get to a pre-determined point in any task you are working on (be sure that the milestones are regular).
• Schedule sprint/rest intervals. This one takes some experimentation. Set yourself a timer of work and rest intervals. You could try 30 minutes of work followed by 10 minutes of rest or 60 minutes on and 20 minutes off. I recommend a 3:1 ratio.

Don’t feel guilty about taking a break. If anything it will make you better at what you do.

Humans are scared of nothing more than they are of change. Over the past 12 months – probably longer – I have been on a quest to improve myself. I don’t mean self-help book improve myself. I have been on a journey of self discovery and change. It hasn’t been a comfortable experience.

So, you look inside and don’t like what you see

I’ve known for quite sometime that what I feel on the inside is not reflected on the outside. My reactions to external stimuli, my interactions with other people, my default behaviour are all out of sync with what I believe in my core. Discovering such a schism is uncomfortable to say the very least.

Upon further introspection and analysis, my little discovery has explained completely why some people think I’m quite a nice guy and others think I’m a complete asshole. It’s not them, it’s me. I’m glad I worked that one out. But a double-edged sword it is to understand that you are in total control of every aspect of your life. It means I can’t blame anyone but me and it means no external locus of control can take the burden of my mistakes. No, not even God can help me (and I’ve never felt this free).

Experiencing a moment of clear perspective

My moment of clear perspective was one of those last straw kinda things. I meditate semi-regularly, I spend a lot of time in quiet – and sometimes noisy – contemplation; I have been doing this for sometime. Yet, earlier this year in the comfort of some very close friends I spent about 45 minutes under a tree and realised “It’s all good.”

My epiphany was that simple: “It’s all good.”

The wonderful thing is that I’ve known this all along and I’ve been listening to artists sing about it since I was a child.

A child’s rhyme stuck in my head. It said that life is but a dream. I’ve spent so many years in question to find I’ve known this all along. – Tool

I find it truly fascinating that we often know the answers to our deepest, most sacred questions right from the start but are simply too blind or too preoccupied to realise them.

Back in the real world

Perhaps more confronting than the actual epiphany and deciding to make the necessary changes is coming back to the real world and finding that almost everyone else is invested in how they already perceive you. When you change your behaviour you do not conform to what is expected of you and this can cause others some trouble indeed.

You will get quite the shock when you do something from a place of compassion and understanding and still get a hostile response because the person you are interacting with expects you to be hostile.

Then my dad laughed at me

The most confronting and painful event since my little epiphany was enduring my father’s laughter when I tried to explain my new perspective. I readily admit that I have not been the most compassionate, understanding and tolerant man on the planet. Yet, to be laughed at by someone so close is intensely challenging. It took all my self-constraint not to respond with anger and frustration. It also took me about a week to process the event. Here’s what I learned:

• not everyone will understand your new perspective
• most people – even those dearest to you – will not believe you can change
• your previous behaviour has imprinted on everyone around you
• you have to be patient and understanding
• it will hurt a lot more before it gets better.

I still haven’t talked to my dad about this. I don’t think he will get it. Why? His perspective on the world is set and he will not change it. I have to remind myself that I can change myself but I can’t change anyone else.

Prying open my third eye

Understanding yourself makes everything simple.

Through understanding yourself, you understand your interactions with the people and the environment around you. You understand that there is no need to wear a mask of confused and confusing behaviour.

Timothy Leary put it perfected when he said:

Learn how to put yourself in a state of vulnerable, open-mindedness; chaotic, confused, vulnerability to inform yourself.

It’s all good

What a trip.

These days I am seeing things from a completely new perspective. I like myself more this way. I don’t feel like I’m behaving as people expect. I am getting uncomfortable. I am challenging myself and my environment. I am learning.

I highly recommend it.

It’s all good.