(a) The correct use of looser/loser: “Looser” refers to objects or body parts that get loose. For example, Impostor’s sphincter after a shipload of Norwegian sailors banged it, repeatedly, over a weekend. Correct use: “After being totally and royally f#cked, Joe Bert Lazarte’s vagina has become irreparably looser than ever, perhaps even a lot looser than Impostor’s own holy vagina. Some professional and hardcore vaginoplasty is in order.” Incorrect use: “Joe Bert  Lazarte is a looser.”

On the other hand, “loser” refers to somebody who loses, or one who gets “invited for questioning” by the NBI but instead finds himself portrayed as “arrested” in the media. Correct use: “Impostor is definitely not a loser for using “looser” in a place where people actually know the right words to use.”

(b) I don’t run a porn website for a living. I run an adult-oriented celebrity news blog, among dozens ofother stuff I do (like writing press releases for the politicians you love), for a living.

(c) Regarding that “cinematic, primetime news-worthy” event last Friday, I’ve written a sort of explanation here.

That’s all for today, kids. Tomorrow, our little lecture will be all about dickheads, and the fine anatomy of that beloved body part, the asshole.

thanks po sa nag comment sa akin!

first of all, our school is not “squatter”. Yes, mababa ang tuition- fee dito sa AdU but the quality education naman is present. I don’t care kung kau ang school na may pinakamataas na tuition and let’s not depend on it. As what they say nga, if ayaw mo sa amin, ayaw din namin xeoh. As simple as that! At don’t ever make AdU, NU a reason why you don’t want to join coz we deserve to be a part of it!

God Bless!

Soar High Falcons!!!

Joebert Lazarte is such a LOOSER! He & his brother is all over the news - Re: Kathrina’s Scandal! He maintain a PORN SITE for a living! Watch ABS-CBN & GMA News online.

http://www.mb.com.ph/articles/209194/nbi-questions-maintainers-website-uploaded-kho-sex-videos

NBI questions maintainers of website that uploaded Kho sex videos
By JEAMMA E. SABATE
July 4, 2009, 12:56pm
Agents of the National Bureau of Investigation (NBI) invited for questioning three alleged maintainers of a website suspected of being the first to upload the sex videos of Hayden Kho.
Invited for questioning by the NBI Anti-Fraud and Computer Crimes Division (AFCCD) were Fidel Lazarte and his children Marvin and Jobert Lazarte, alleged maintainers of the website, Fleshasiadaily.com.
The NBI said it traced the website to the Lazarte’s address in Block 89, Topaz Street, Zapote Dos, Bacoor, Cavite.
Assistant Regional Director (ARD) Vicente de Guzman III, chief of the NBI-AFCCD, said the NBI conducted technical surveillance that led them to trace the location of the website that first uploaded the sex videos of Kho.
According to AFCCD head agent Palmer Mallari, the website fleshasiadaily.com which is viewed by at least one million people daily, was the first to upload the Kho-Reyes sex video. NBI sources said Jobert admitted that they broadcast the videos of Kho dancing with Katrina Halili but denied they uploaded videos of Kho having sex with Katrina Halili, Maricar Reyes, and an unnamed Brazilian model.
Jobert said that they got the videos showing Halili and Kho dancing via e-mail from unknown sender.
Mallari said the AFCCD is now tracing who sent the videos to Fleshasiadaily.com.
According to the NBI, the Hayden videos that appeared on YouTube and other websites came from fleshasiadaily.com. YouTube later pulled out the sex videos.

http://www.philstar.com/Article.aspx?articleId=483582&publicationSubCategoryId=63
Headlines
3 persons in sex video upload case invited for questioning
Updated July 04, 2009 12:00 AM

MANILA, Philippines – The National Bureau of Investigation (NBI) raided yesterday the office in Bacoor, Cavite of a website that allegedly first uploaded on the Internet the sex videos of cosmetic surgeon Hayden Kho and several women.
Fidel Lazarte and his sons, Marvin and Jobert, the website’s maintainers and operators, were taken to the NBI for questioning.
The NBI has not yet filed charges against the Lazartes, according to Assistant Regional Director Vicente de Guzman III, Anti-Fraud and Computer Crimes Division chief.
The three are connected with a website called FLESHASIADAILY.COM with office at No. 89 Topaz Street, Zapote Dos, Bacoor, Cavite.
The NBI’s technical surveillance determined the identity of the website and its location here in the Philippines.
Head agent Palmer Mallari, AFCCD executive officer, said Kho’s sex videos seen on YouTube and other porn sites came from FLESHASIADAILY.COM.
Jobert Lazarte admitted to the NBI that they were maintaining the website, but claimed they do not know the identities of persons who send videos to their website since these are only e-mailed to them, he added.
Jobert also denied that they uploaded the sex videos of Kho, but admitted they uploaded the two videos where actress Katrina Halili had danced with Kho.
The website is just a “hobby site,” not a porn site, and that those sending the videos are anonymous, he added.
The NBI is now trying to find out who sent these sex videos to FLESHASIADAILY.COM, and if these were sold or just sent for free.
The NBI is studying the possibility of filing charges of pornography against the Lazartes.
Meanwhile, the Optical Media Board has identified the person responsible for the reproduction and mass release of Kho’s sex videos and his women partners.
OMB officials said the agency is set to file charges against the person “soon.”
However, lawyer Rosendo Meneses, OMB executive director, refused to reveal the name of the person.
“We’re already in the final stages (of preparations) to file a case against the one who distributed the first copies of the videos,” he told The STAR.
Lawyer Cyrus Valenzuela, OMB legal division chief, said the person would be charged for replicating and manufacturing the sex videos in violation of the Optical Media Act.
“We will file the case in Manila because it’s where the first copies were circulated and it’s where the business of this person is located,” he added.
Meneses said the OMB was investigating the issue on the aspect of violation of the anti-piracy laws.
“When we conducted our own investigation, we were after the piracy aspect and not the violation of the rights of those involved, not the morality aspect of the issue,” he said. – Sandy Araneta, Reinir Padua

http://www.mukamo.com/nbi-raids-flesh-asia-daily-20-office/
NBI raids “Flesh Asia Daily 2.0″ office
The National Bureau of Investigation (NBI) raided on Friday afternoon the office of “Flesh Asia Daily 2.0″ believed to have first uploaded videos of Hayden Kho and several women.
Fidel Lazarte and sons Marvin and Jobert Lazarte, the alleged web site’s maintainers and operators, were taken from their office in Bacoor, Cavite to the NBI for questioning. According to Head Agent Palmer Mallari, the web site was the first to introduce the videos of Kho and actress Katrina Halili dancing to the tune of Careless Whisper, Kho and model Maricar Reyes, and a third video titled “Beautiful Girl.”
The NBI is studying the possibility of filing charges against the Lazartes but they could also become witnesses if they cooperate in identifying the people behind the distribution of the videos.

It was nice to learn that FEU is representing this season’s UAAP with a true Filipino mythical creature Sarimanok. It best fits the meaning of UAAP. And to maximize its meaning, FEU’s Sarimanok dons the colors of UAAP.

But the comment above is so hurting, that despite my ambivalent attitude towards my alma mater, it moistened my eyes. I realized that I am still sensitive about my school, the Adamson University.

I never resented to be “mahirap” (poor), to me life is more meaningful and full of adventure that way. But to be “cheap” otherwise is something else. Is to be “mahirap” tantamount to being cheap?
So, should we withdraw from the league because we are “mahirap” and cheap?
Are we all forgetting that Adamson is already in UAAP when the glamour schools were still in NCAA?
What have we done as Adamsonians (or them from NU) to offend the fellow who posted the comment above?

I replied, of course. A not-well-thought-of and angry response:

Tuesday, 30 June 2009 at 11:02 am
Sa nag post nito: “go la salle….sana matanggal na nu at adamson..ang cheap kc nila at mahihirap”
Totoong mahihirap kami. Sa katunayan, kahit Adamson ang isa sa mga original members ng UAAP. Nananatiling nag tiis kami sa pait ng pagkatalo. Una walang motivation ang mga manlalaro namin. Siguro kulang sa Vitamin B Complex, poor kasi nutrition namin kasi mahihirap kami, yung pambili ng vitamins eh pambili na lang ng mga mumurahing sachet ng pagkain na pino produce mga kapitalistang intsik… Ganito talaga ang manatili a bulok na “sachet economy.” Ang mahirap ay laging inaapakan ng mga burgis na katulad mo. Pero bilog ang mundo, baka malay mo mag champion din ang Adamson (or NU for that matter). At kung mangyari yun. Proud ako lalo dahil wala kaming perang pang “bankroll” sa “game fixing.”
And I have to apologize for generalizing. I understand that some people in Adamson are rich but this is not to undermine the “rich” population. But hey, let’s admit it, not all of us have Adamson as their primary school of choice.
But I apologize to for insinuating game fixing. I am still in the process of convincing myself that unfair officiating during the games is a human error. Not thru envelope.
Oh well, some people would disown our “fellow commenter.”
But to Blazing TAMS and Go USTe , I thank you from the bottom of my heart, for being fair.
Moving forward, I was spamming officemates about UAAP facts and boasted that Adamson could win the first game against UST.
One of them commented that it would be so if UAAP board would change the rules of the game reducing the duration to 3 quarters only. As, according to them, Adamson Falcons are known to bug down during the last quarter.

Good luck to FALCONS!!!

what about his “thing”? it’s between the two. notice or ignore.

just a mere thought of it tingles my irritative sense, warms my blood, and hardens my fists.

i’m silently angry about this.

AAH. CORRUPTION ON IT’S FINEST DAYS.

last may 20, mama and i accompanied papa to naia for his scheduled flight that day. while we were on the way, a soul-crippled mmda man approached us and asked what we were looking for. i didn’t replied. his looks are the typical fat bellied man with a large black shades. add the annoying voice and look i saw and heard.

we were really looking for a taxi.

this fat bellied man called for one. — an airport taxi.

the place isn’t really a loading area. but heck, an mmda man called for one? he is supposed to call that a traffic violation. this seems odd.

we went in to the taxi. the mmda man won’t let the taxi go. he was asking for a “LAGAY”, as we, filipinos, call it. a small amount of 20 pesos in exchange of letting the taxi go out of his CORRUPT HANDS.

i was completely angry upon seeing that.

but for the driver, maybe it was just an another cross road to a corrupt mmda. maybe he experiences that many times a day!

gimme a break.

this epidemic is worser than h1n1 virus. their fate seems to go parallel. as h1n1 virus still doesn’t have a sure cure, same with this corruption virus that infects people and kills their conscience.

it’s not just about the mmda thing. it’s about everyone.

it’s not just the mmda’s. it’s also the workers, teachers, government officials, and also students who choose to be infected with the deadly virus.

i admit, i was a part of the corruption. i cheated answers, occasionally. it is only in college where i joined forces with the righteous fighting for honest education. well, mere cheating is already a corruption. it can kill the conscience of a person — with the consequence that can be inculcated to one’s being.

see this, the whole picture can be completed. a person doing his corrupt feat, with the others being familiar to that corruption. then others will ignore it — given the fact that a person do that every now and then. CORRUPTION CULTIVATED.

it is NOT JUST about them. IT IS about us.

it is between choosing to go with the corrupt, or go against them.

what will you choose?

it’s up to you.

Pero kahit papano naman curiosity still fills my mind kung meron nga ba? Well, I don’t want to underestimate our school’s capability of change since it’s been operating for almost eight decades.

-OK OK enough of the sarcasm. Let’s go onto details. haha

While I was walking around, going to ST Canteen, I was able to smell this irritating stentch that makes my hand cover my nose at a heartbeat kasi ang sakit talaga sa ilong tsaka ulo. Sabi na ba it was the smell of thinner. Include mo na rin yung paints. O diba ang gandang salubong sa 1st day. Then as the smell gets stronger, I expected na malapit na ko dun sa pinanggagalingan nung smell. Then I saw this sweaty men with half of their faces covered in cloth and armed with carpentry tools. Pukpok dito pukpok dun. Ahhh….OK. Ni-rerennovate pala nila ang computer lab nearby the ST canteen. I felt glad when I saw it because they’re making changes in our school’s facilities again kasi may mga nirennovate din sila last semester. Kaso nakakaasar talaga yung amoy. Parang gagawin kaming adik.

Akala ko yun lang. Aba hindi pa pala yun. Kasi, when I entered the ST canteen, I noticed something different (hindi yung dami ng tao. Asa ka pang oonti ang tao dun). The interiors were rennovated also, pero pakshet ang init parin. The food counters were changed from a boring serving area of food into a fastfood like ambience sans the proper ventilation of the canteen.haha They have repainted the whole interiors with reds, oranges, and yellow, and a little touch of blues. They refurnished the food counters and ceilings. And the lighting, sabi ko sayo fastfood na fastfood. May drop light and mood light pa. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. Actually, it’s a good thing kasi ” from a boring palette of pale whites and yellows and rushly tiled counters, nagkaroon ng life ang ST canteen nung binago aside from the ample amount of people inside of it”.  Dun nag start ang thought ko na inoonti onti rin nila kahit papano. I don’t know if  this is about the IQUAME stuff or the administration just had an epiphany to make changes for the good of our school. 

Hindi lang yan, marami pang ibang binago, nirennovate at ni-redesign,but I’d rather leave you with what’s already written above.

I guess masasabi ko na swerte ang batch namin because we have AdU at the verge of its process of progression “physically” (I don’t know if the education system did change).

Well, let’s hope that progression leads to something much better.

*Strive to be simple. Live like a rock

Let your universe do its own thing…

- A phrase that never sticks out of my mind. Always reminding me that all things in life aren’t supposed to be planned as always. Making me realize that you must not throw in too much expectations in your life even though you know you deserve better.  Just like the wind, your life goes wherever it should go whether following a path or being a stray breeze.

Particular experiences have been brought in my life and believe me most of them are pretty tough and rough to handle. Mapapamura ka talaga. And then suddenly this particular phrase from a little book changed my perspectives in life and how I contradict it: “Let your universe do its own thing” . . . Pag may nangyari, hayaan mo lang. It’s suppose to happen even though you don’t want it to happen, beacuse God is challenging you on how not  to contradict the challenges, but to accept it. Making Him the architect and you the engineer ika nga.

In good or bad, positivity attracts positivity so whatever b******* comes in your life, just think that the niche of God is partaking onto it. Think positive! Alam nmn nating sa aspeto ng siyensya lng nag aattract ang positive at negative diba? Iba yun sa buhay ng tao. Pag positive ka, positive din ang lalapit sayo. 

From a former ‘petiks’ or ‘tambay’, now an ambitious architecture student, I don’t expect my life to be glamorous or abundant as I would want it to be. Basta I only do what is right in order for me to have a right path in life no matter what God’s blueprint on my behalf might be. Bahala na siya, hand-in-hand na lang kaming dalawa. 

 [This] phrase has done a lot for me not only on the way I think but also on how I should see life on the flipside.

Now, no wonder why most people have so much wrinkles. Haha.

“Strive to be simple. Live like a rock!”

I am just a lame call center agent often at the receiving of end of complaints.

I only had a strange introduction with the Constitution during our Chemical Jurisprudence subject. But it is not the “whole” thing and what was tackled by our Chemical Engineer-turned-lawyer professor dealt only with laws pertaining to chemistry. From licensure, to purchase of reagents to certifications etc. Well at least it defined why nowadays, sulfuric acid may no longer be bought without permit. And hydrochloric acid requires PDEA’s permission if purchased. Now it is clear why analytical labs will be a lucrative business even if economy is down trend because for as long as the basic commerce is not crippled, chemical analysis of raw materials and products analysis will continue. And of course some other chemical application beyond my scope was tackled in the Chemical Jurisprudence part of our Constitution. I will explain later why it is strange though.

And of course in our Taxation and Land Reform too, at least a tiny aspect of our Constitution was also tackled and it was there that I learned that it was Cecilia Munoz-Palma who drafted it in 1987, a year right after President Marcos’ was ousted.

When I was younger, and when time still permits me to pretend to read books in the Reference and sometimes Filipiniana section of our university library (back then in Adamson) I once forced myself to read the book I once took out of the shelf at random. It was the story of the Kings and Queens of Europe. I did it to keep me from sleeping because I was notorious at that. And I was already “attracting” the attention of our librarian.. Well, I happen to open the page when King John was forced to sign the Magna Carta, and well there were insurrections by the peasants and pressures from Nobles of lesser Royal blood but that eventually made King John to rethink his draconian (excuse me for the term, I just can’t think of another word that might express the meaning) policy.

What occurred to me is the importance of a written document in defining things. And for what history proved the written document humbled Kings as capricious as King John himself who in his birth right, could command the army. Mind you, it is BIRTH RIGHT and not just illusion of grandeur that some of our leaders has in maintaining their political dynasties. But the man was a royal, and that birth right he was born into, succumbed to the written law called Magna Carta.

Monkeying with the constitution has its consequence. What precipitated into a full scale insurrection that ended the Romanov’s clout is the continues attempt of the Tsar Nicolai to undermined the Duma’s efforts to form a representative government well defined by a Constitution. To make matter’s worst, apart from the Tsar’s charades to dissolve the Duma, ruling by decree and bribing its “top-heavy” membership to vote for the Tsar’s favour, the “landless peasants” felt the cause of the Bolsheviks. And no longer afraid of the machine guns at Kremlin, ended the Tsarist Regime in December 1917.

In a free market set up where we’re in right now, customer is king. In a call center set up where I am in and the rest of my tax paying buddies here, we are bound to reject the conventional ser-mam, mam-ser, gudafternun-ser-mam-ser-am notion of the customer because we are obliged to treat them on the level, no ass-wiping, no boot licking. No deference maybe tolerated unless you want the spoiled American customer to treat you like a whipping boy. And true, life could be very stressful at times. For once, we can’t just give them something like: “we will do our best,” because to customers, they don’t care if it is your best or not for as long as your give them answers to “resolve” there “issues” and if you we can’t do that, they will not treat like you are a breathing creature who can feel pain. AND THIS IS NOT A CALL CENTER STORY, You see, in this set up you are suppose to uphold the customer’s rights that is written down electronically or on the paper. It is not a sovereign law. It is but a corporate imposition of how things should be done, but there’s a limit
in that one too. Like, a condescending tone might be OK. Invectives and racial slur otherwise may not be tolerated, it is also “written.” It doesn’t matter if the customer is a fat “Mafioso” who might be rushed to a hospital for cardiac arrest triggered by the incident of phone hung up after uttering words like fuck or SOB…

Maybe we humans are just so organized in someway that the written law is “divine” and should be treated with respect and for as long as it does not hurt the interest of the many, there’s no reason to “edit” it.

When I was in college, America is the country I love to hate, just to be “in.” Well I must admit that peanut butter from the US tastes better than what we have here, and I have not known an American who punched me in the nose, but I had to “subscribe to the point of view” of my pals in back then, just so I will be accepted and be a “pogi.” It was just when I was on a call center hopping spree that I somehow got a glimpse of how America is aside from Hollywood produced movies, John Grisham books and Time Magazine. I remember a customer telling my supervisor to fire me because I can’t speak English. Later I learned that they could really do that because their consumerism is well defined by laws enforced by the Better Business Bureau (BBB). Then I wish we have that as well so I can get my money’s worth. Then there is this customer complaining about 1 cent over charge. I almost debated with the customer. Imagine? 1 cent. And our service is relatively for up scale people. When I was in a travel account, a customer asked me for a break down of the statement he was provided. I computed it down to the taxes, and the taxes were even broken down some more. Then they must add up to the amount he was charged. Imagine how many taxes they have on that service alone? Aviation tax, federal, etc. It turned out to be worst and or better than I thought, it is a system of societies in harmony. And people could assert their rights. And to my opinion, it works for them. And if you even hint them that you find their assertion of such rights a bit too much, you’ll hear words like: “we are in America, we are not in some Banana Republic…”

Back then, there were senators of the republic who were openly attacking the Constitution for its defects. But I do not understand it; I am just stating here that we are in a habit of lashing out the Constitution time and again. Blaming it for what our country have become and. I am not saying that it did not appeal to me at all. Some of it were OK, like the Magna Carta for students rights back then is to my opinion, good. The Jury movement that the College of Law of my school is pushing is also good. But it is a matter of opinion; to me it is good because I am fond of trying new things. But maybe if I have a better understanding on things like this, it might not be as appealing as it is now. And how many Filipinos understands the Constitution, how many pretends to understand and how many could accept money to change it without fully understanding the repercussions.

Of course there will always be “slum dwellers” who could fill up the ranks of those rallying against the CON-ASS. We can easily embarrass them, we can highlight them on TV with their toothless grin and slimy faces just to get the point across that these people just went to the June 10 really in Ayala Ave for food. I just can’t understand why “that-asshole-journalist” didn’t interview attendees who passed UPCAT, those who read, those who can tell if the news is press release, or the journalist is espousing “enveloptal journalism.” But don’t these people who like me, buys noodles in the morning, a sachet of shampoo and whiles away time with their Network’s produces cheap telenovelas and fucking noon time shows, don’t we comprise the masses that increase their Network’s rating and gain more Ad money?
The Constitution was framed for the general public or the masses or each and every ignorant people like me who do not even appreciate its existence if you are not going to the Court, or in issues like CON-ass. Don’t I have resentment with our system. I have some questions but I don’t want to be a smart aleck. I heard about the CONCORD for example. And I was anticipating for it to be concluded because it promised fresh players from abroad to found a company here. That means more competitive salary, good benefits, less office politics, trainings, growth, and anything that a multinational companies could give. But for what I’ve understand and I’m maybe wrong, even the then Vice President GMA was for it. I also came across of the Federalization of the country. Again, to me it is appealing because the prospect that the resources of the province maybe allocated to it alone so that it’s development might become sustainable. Taxation of the clergy is also OK. Term limit lifting though at this time in a year is a big bullshit.

I, in my small world inside our campus back then shaped my own opinion behind the reason why the Constitution must be changed.

I worked for the official student’s publication back then. And story has it that I was terminated for four strong reasons whose “constitutionality” in terms of the Constitution and By Laws of the publication I question. My adversaries back then hastily revised the by laws so that my appeals would hold no ground. I rushed to look for a copy of the constitution since the Office of Student Affairs would adjudicate my case if I can present to them the old constitution where I base my appeals from. And to make matters worst, our publication was not policed by an Adviser then, and so the story goes that my case became “moot and academic” by the school’s legal advisers, since I can’t get my hands on the original Constitution and By- Laws.
But their new constitution survived until it ushered the pad locking of the publication for “some” reasons, that somehow vindicated my case against them.
I had in my college life a thinking that re-writing the book has its unscrupulous motives, until today, that’s how I think about it.

I don’t really know about the country as a whole, but to me, unifying the parliament into single house is a prelude to single party system. Adolf Hitler enjoyed the single party system long enough to slaughter millions of people for his whims. And in the end had to shoot his brains out when his generals didn’t even warn him about the advancing Russians into Berlin. But every nation is different, ours has a different set up. Maybe what is scary situation in one country might not be applicable to another. But the timing of CON-ass is something to be doubtful about. Why is it now? Why does it have to be before 2010 elections?

My first introduction to the Constitution was strange that there were still entries by the past President Marcos. I was young then but I thought the administration after that of Marcos’ hates the latter so much that I asked our professor in Chemical Jurisprudence why is it that the entries of Marcos was not deleted or changed? She said that it would only mean reinventing the wheel, and it that if it isn’t broken, don’t fix it. And it is not about revenge.

1.) Post your resume in Jobstreet or JobsDB

2.) Buy Manila Bulletin’s Sunday issue

3.) Memorize some English phrases until it sounds natural (I’ve tried it, it worked)

4.) Watch Desperate Housewives to be prepared for a female interviewer (It helps a lot, swear! It tells you when the interviewer is bitching or just trying to seduce you)

5.) To prepare for a male interviewer, watch PBA specially Talk’n Text versus Ginebra (it helps you realize when the interviewer is playing a machismo effect on you)

In number 1, filter your job preferences, unless you want to try it out to the company that is looking for Adonis male and open minded sassy girls. Well that’s the best option after call center job. And do not try to hang yourself if questions like: “How do you usually plan your daily routine?” crops up.
Now if you ever have to answer this question as an Engineer, do not attempt to explain the La Place Transforms, Fourier analysis or Strength of Materials. Trust me they’ll think that that’s the cause for not partying and not having to taste ecstasy. If it is a call center job as a tech support, you might not be considered for mispronouncing La Place Transforms, Fourier analysis or Strength of Materials. Specially if you could really give justice to the topic, it will still boil down to pronunciation. Oh they might think that La Place Transforms, Fourier analysis or Strength of Materials are in plural form, so bear with it.

In number 2, it goes without saying that the Ads in the Obituary page are not taken to be maligned. Mind the law of karma, it might be you in that page after 50 years. But do not take the “NOTICE TO THE PUBLIC” seriously, specially if the girl on the ID is pretty

Oh back to number 1, if you get an essay type of a question which goes like this: “What is your greatest accomplishment?” Do not try to answer to the effect that despite the fact that your dimwit boss and an ass wipe colleague were opposing your projects because you have a big L in your temple, you were able to get your way around and increase company revenue by 30% because of your prototype. Why, because it will boil down to your inability to gather your thoughts in one neat essay to get across the message: “spunk me I’m gullible.”

Number 3, this should work in small insecure local companies, whose bosses inherited their positions after graduating from big glamour schools. Aside from the advise number 3, do not feel in anyway that their “kanglang” or “onapo” were of the same race as you are even if you don’t understand Mandarin. Try to smile also if you hear them yappering to each other about “kanglang” or “onapo” while looking at you more than 15 seconds. 

In number 4, smile even if the body language of the interviewer conveys “eeewww” message toward you. Now be mindful of your grammar here. The trick in number 3 might work, but these girls are far more conversational and would detect if you’re faking it. But if you get your way around them in this conversation battle, their libidos will be stroked. They are immune to pheromones, but will be possessed by rhetorical nonsense for as long as you pronounce badminton as bud-meen-ton and not as bad-men-ten… they might challenge you to a badminton match and heaven knows what is next.

Remember that guys are like sharks and dogs, we have territorial instinct. They piss to mark territories and they guard them as zealously as do sharks. So if they happen to piss on the companies urinals first, then they’re boss, so let them show you they are boss. Do you want to get that high paying job? Defer to them, be sorry for your mere existence, apologize for being so handsome that even his girlfriend speaks your name in “what’s-my-name-bitch” sessions. So it is practical to do advise number 5 in this situation. It’s a man’s world. Besides, all you have to do is to get inside and grow your horns and breath fire. There is an old saying: no cave is too big for two male crabs. Eventually, one of your will get exhausted and will call it quits.

If the interviewer is gay in testing labs involved in regulating imports and exports of raw materials. Do not try to be an irritant, by being a stickler to time. Its like they are your royal highness. And do not act as if you got what it takes to ace the exams. Instead, act as if your interested with his bulging pocket from unscrupulous trader’s tips. Now that’s a royal pain in the ass. But you should have the baptism of fire for it might be essential to the job. Don’t fret though for what pains your ass might be pleasing to him.

Pilit namang niyayakap ng mga ulap ang nilalamig na araw. Pati ang insomniac na buwan ay apuhap sa paglapit sa kanya. Gusto pa kasing uminom ng bottomless Zagu ang araw. Sabi nya, sawang-sawa na ito sa buhay nya. Pagod na ito sa unrequited love nya kay Kris Bernal. Malas nya, syota ko na kasi si Kris Bernal.

Tahimik namang hinihintay ng mga dahon ang kanilang naka-ambang pakikipagniig sa aspalto. Ang hindi nila alam – turn-off ang aspalto sa mga masokista sa pag-ibig. Hate na hate nito ang mga nagpapaka-tonta  sa love.

Sa gilid naman ng esterong psychedelic, ang mga pa-tweetums na gumamelang ligaw ay nagsisimula nang mamulaklak. Ngunit para kanino? Wala na ang mga matitipunong bubuyog at paru-paro sa paligid para i-donselya sila.

Ako naman. Eto. Finally, hindi na emo (applause). Masaya na ako ngayon at kumakain pa ng caramel-flavoured popcorn. Tapos ngayon nakamasid pa sa kagandahan mong talaga nga namang blockbuster.

Anu nga pala uli ang pinapanuod natin mahal ko?

****

Samantala, sa loob naman ng isang mabahong pink portalet ng MMDA,

dun sa may Balintawak,

mahuhuling nagva-vandal ang Diyos… at umiiyak.

Mga anak ng kupal raw tayong lahat!

Perhaps, the reason why normal girls prefer lesbians is that the male species nowadays are no more than but a pain in their ass. Many girls probably believe men can only show their manliness through the erection of their dick. Some of them would even say that the men of today are nothing but scum balls. Is it true that there are no more real men left for real girls to go with and that the latter fell easily for lesbians due to lack of hope?

I agree men are scum and I am one of them. But we can’t help it. It is just natural for us to be scum balls. What I hate is the reality that there are now new-improved strain of lesbians who want to join in our trip to superior awesomeness. I despise their blown up machismo. They act as if they are tougher than real men. What do they want to prove? That they have more balls?

The machismo of men is already infuriating and these lesbians even want to compete with men by amplifying their own version of our already-exaggerated sense of manliness. Men machism versus lesbian machism, which is worse?

****

For some mighty dykes out there, this is a tip, if you want to see your disgusting muffin have a pair of natural scrotums; you have to wait about twelve million years for those two dragonballs to appear with the help of evolution. If those scrotums are not enough for you and you still dream of having real organic penis to thrust inside your GF’s malfunctioning vagina, just simply disintegrate into atoms and reassemble yourself to your preferences. Or just disintegrate. Omit the reassembly stuff. Less the fuzz. Or just curse God. Well, what the heck? You can now do almost everything. We are in democracy. We are in the Philippines.

****

By the way, does love really sees no gender also? What is love then? Is it just a lump of lust produced not by the heart but by the sex organs?

Or perhaps is it just innate for the ‘brainless’ female species to be easily fooled whether by men or by lesbians? I guess so. The female species are so naturally and helplessly dim-witted to fall for the tricks and nice words of lesbians that they are even willing to ignore their family and the entire world for the latter.

Now I want to watch the movie “Lesbian Vampire Killers”.

****

The stupidity of girls only proves my belief that the female skull indeed only houses nothing but a chunk of vanity and has no sign of gray matter – and is covered with some dust particles of their make-up. Nevertheless, God did install a basic program enabling them to walk, eat, sleep, and gossip.

The male skull on the other hand contains only vivid images of labia minora and labia majora (for me, it is now Asami Miyajima’s).

****

I have this question that has kept me in blank for some years already. Why do most lesbians have bigger breasts than their stupid girlfriends given the fact that they have poor quantity of progesterone?  Hmmm…

But wait, this next question is so creepy that it has changed my view of life for all eternity to come: Why do I often have head-on-collisions with lesbians in my life?

Think.

Think.

Think!

Certainly this is one of those rare moments when Red Horse is not enough and I am already howling to my death to seek wisdom from my dead hermaphrodite mutt Chuchu who was hit-and-run by a Selecta cart six years ago. I still hear how Chuchu’s death sounded. It was blissful – as blissful as ice cream.

Then Silence came.

I sat like a constipated Buddhist.

Meditation on-going.

Inbaaaaa…

inbaaaaa…

inbaaaaaa… inbaaaaaa… inbaaaaaa…

Minutes passed (and thirty-eight stars became supernovas).

Alas! The spirit of my beloved Chuchu has finally appeared in technicolor. It brings the canine enlightenment I seek. The feeling is overwhelming. It is similar in having a painless first-degree burn. No word can accurately describe it.

Then a flash of scorching light spears through my left ear down to my asshole. My heart palpitates so rapidly that my accelerated breathing almost created mini black holes in my nostrils. I am now breathing half the world’s supply of oxygen.

I feel I am changing into something spectacular.

Now I see myself slowly transforming into a higher form of being – looks like a giant octopus I am turning into!

My hands and feet are turning into octopus-like tentacles. Suckers instantly appear along each tentacle. My head dramatically increases in size and I am losing all my body hairs. I feel my skull melts.

My ears disappear, then my nose. My eyes and my mouth got bigger – and sharp teeth emerge.

And then the subsequent changes in my internal organs and skeletal system finally knock me off to my senses.  

****

After some hours I woke up. The feeling is totally different. It is not like me anymore. It is not me anymore! I am no longer human. I am now an octopus! It even appears that I am not exactly an octopus for I have only four tentacles. What am I? Darn! I don’t even know what to call myself!  

I am still catching my breath - and now with the involuntarily wiggling of my tentacles as if each one of them has a mind of its own. Afterwards I completely came to my senses. I remember what I was meditating about before this metamorphosis started. It was about lesbians.

A tentacle suddenly taps my left temple.

I got the answer.

****

With that tap, I am enlightened. Now I know the reason why I usually have close encounters with lesbians – it is not because of their negative chakras as what I have believed before. It is not because I was a cold-blooded dragon slayer in my previous life. It is not because of my 13th sense to feel lesbian auras. And it is not because I am destined for them and they are destined for me.

Darn! It is not because of those stupid things.

It is because of their big breasts! It is their big breasts that attract me! Why I haven’t thought of this before?! Question answered.

****

Despite the physical changes, an enigma still lingers in my mind (our mind’s main purpose of existence is not to find answers but to make questions.)

I don’t exactly know why I fetish big breasts regardless if they are from a woman or from a lesbian? It is the biggest enigma of my life.

And why do most dykes also have enormous boobs? Is it to lure women because women also like boobs just like when they were infants? I need an answer. Why?

I think I need more meditation      - and with that, also a more powerful mantra! Hmmm….

I need more tentacles!!!

Inbalaaaa…

inbalaaaa…

inbalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…

*Note: Where’s Part 1? That wretched part is still under quarantine and on the process of ‘omit-the-wicked-adjectives-and-have-a-normal-life-you-miserable-piece-of-immoral-shit’ self-censorship kind of thing. It is primarily due to the high dose of foul words and voodoo spells that I have incorporated in it.

I am also currently seeking medical attention and pastoral counselling together with the almost-dead Hayden Kho. In case you want to join, we are doing our ego tripping in a remote Budweiser temple in Mindanao. Or just simply follow where the rainbow ends.

Then a lull.

I never heard from her again. Until she invited me for a housewarming…
But months before that, I was in an exchange of unpleasant remarks in this site as well. It was full of hate, mockery and insult.
I had been so mean and scornful during that time as if I had given out the best of my worst in my entire life.

Reason: The EIC of the Editorial Board 1999 – 2000 Termination case against me.

Do I entirely refute everything in the termination paper? The answer is No. The insubordination part is true. The neglect of duty part is the result of that.
So what’s the issue? Because I did not intend to pass a tuition 3 times that of the regular amount during my stint in the said Editorial Board 1999 – 2000.
For that alone, I judged the entire board during that time as people who doesn’t have sense of fairness, with the exception of Ms. Marilyn Puno, Ms. Ma. Socorro Hermanos and Mark Zember Gamboa (who wrote a sworn statement that he was coerced by Jeffrey Hanapon to sign the termination paper). To my mind they are the only people worthy of my respect.
Then here comes JB Lazarte’s post in which I found so nostalgic, and I was compelled to post my feelings about it. Then unpleasant exchanges again, and again, until…
Maui, formerly Maureen Tiamsic, post a comment. I was almost prepared for the worst but it was a different. Maui was actually friendly in her comment so I had to see things in other perspective. In my mind she’s part of the bunch who called me a “crook.” But then again, hope against hope, old memories were back. She was young when I got relinquished from TAC. Yet I remember her to be idealistic. She’s profound and eloquent, and by all means worthy of respect given to an individual whose mental faculties could not be underestimated. When I thought the same people who signed my termination paper were prepared to use there prowess argumentative skills to nail me, here comes Maui who actually let out the truth to the matter.

I actually thought at length that my pride fried me.

Now that I belong to the working class that I learned the trick of politicking in the work place, I told myself that if I wasn’t so stern with my footing in which I had been so steadfast then, then I shouldn’t have suffered the pain.

Maui dropped it like a bombshell but the effect had been soothing.

Then the housewarming invitation…

Who am I to resist the invitation of person whose childlike spirit was so contagious? When she was a professor in Adamson and nobody wants to be identified (that was after my termination from TAC) with me but my old pals Jomar and Dan, Lenlen would stop and speak with me. And would ask me how I am, and would tell me to simply let it go. To let the pain go.
One time chance has it that we should talk again, I know that she would advice me again to let go of the pain. I sarcastically asked how. She replied calmly to the effect that, I just have to do it. That nobody could help me but me.
It pierced like an arrow but it was such a realization.

Then, the Zero Hour…

I didn’t know that Alvin Julian was there and Aldrin Esteban and Michael Gallegos. I thought Lenlen’s text was just a joke.
When I entered Lenlen’s place, I saw the three of them there, sitting in the table with JB Lazarte and Tito Escano. I always wanted to see Tito again of course because he was like a mentor during my TAC days. I sat down with them finally, and it was all for courtesy.
I tried to enjoy the food. There were big shrimps, squid and sisig cooked by Lenlen. Since I really can’t take seafoods, I had to drown the histamines with pure Vodka which I thought would stop the allergenic reaction. Well I didn’t have asthma so I think it worked.
We were talking about things at length until the irresistible topic of The Adamson Chronicle was touched.
As I feel my head to get heavier, I tried not to butt in or ask anything. Until another revelation prompted me to totally rethink my theories about the entire EB 1999 – 2000.
I just don’t know if alcohol had me, but the effect was something else. I feel like thrown back in time, I remember speaking with one of the TAC colleague, pressuring him, asking him why he betrayed our cause…
The reply was: “pasensya na kuya Allan” long silence “kung alam mo lang kailangan ko ang scholarship ko…”

I said: “ako rin…”

Then suddenly I heared Gallegos’ words rung into my ears… “Sabi ni kuya Sylvere, ‘wag daw akong maniwala sa mga sinasabi ni kuya Jeffrey tungkol sayo…”
Then it occurred to me, Sylvere Borromeo was not an enemy. And the mere fact the Gallegos is telling me this, I think this young man Michael is a fair person who wants to shed light to the situation (and not just to vindicate Sylvere, and what for?).
But I was tempted to rather be a bit scornfully: “So ‘di naman kayo nahirapan dahil sa ninakaw ko na P 36,000 para sa mga petitioned subjects ko sa chem.?”

But Micheal Gallegos gave me a blank expression. It occurred to me that for heaven’s sake, “these guys” were of course innocent.

I felt for Aldrin Esteban too, who had been at the receiving end of my scorn. I understand that he just want the quarreling to end. It doesn’t matter how. Even if is he was one of those who distributed the “leaflets,”

But as a man, much that I have my cause, I owe the innocent people my apologies.

Maui’s statements, about my not being able to capitulate, Gallegos’ words about Sylvere, Gamboa’s sworn statements, Lenlen and Soccy’s refusal to sign my termination latter. They gave me a sense of vindication.

I felt it necessary to speak with Alvin Julian as well.
I believed in the guy. I even campaigned for him even in 1998 AUSG election. Some things just went wrong, I know, I somehow felt it that way.
It was a bit emotional. Then we get down to business. He told me as though reminding me that there was just a certain limit to be paid in petitioned subjects…
I didn’t insist my point. I didn’t tell him that the situation was different then. I didn’t tell him that Carlos Soliman back then had petitioned subjects too that was absorbed by the board. And none of my amount was absorbed even just to commensurate to that of Soliman’s.
He told me he felt betrayed by my moves, I just said I didn’t mean it to be him. But it was all moot at this time, there was no need to insist on points.

It was just nice to see them all again.

So it is up to the others to justify the “3X the tuition” that took a toll on me back then.

As always, hats off to JB Lazarte and Tito Escano.

Umaga na!

Welcome po! You are not definitely in Adamson.

The greatest investment a school could offer is not only education but the facilities, its architecture itself. This what lacks in AdU. And tunay na kapaligiran ng tamang eskwelahan. Considering AdU offer B.S. Architecture that makes things ironic.

1. Architecture AVR, shucks naman! yung tatlong pintuan magkakaiba ng lebel. Ang cool!

2. New Admission Section, considering na it was us in our section that made the studies of the renovation, hindi sinunod ng dakilang kontraktor ng ating unibersidad. I bet may mangilan na napogian kasi bago ito but it makes me sad to see our effort turn to nothing (p.s. ingat sa pagpasok baka madulas ka may mini ramp sila!)

3. AdU Theater, Lord patawarin niyo po sila kung bakit may tulo sa ceiling ng theater habang ginaganap ang Gawad Kalinga event last semester.

4. The ramp entering C.S. building in admin grounds Natatandaan ko ang muka ng taga registrar na nag pagawa ng rampang matarik pa sa M.t Pinatuboa. And rampa ay para sa mga disabled hindi para sa mga nag dedeliver ng bigas sa Registrar

5. University Scale Model hindi pampacute yung scale model ng unibersidad na matatagpuan sa sulok ng C.S. Gate, indikasyon yun incase may pupuntahan ka kaso…….

If I am not mistaken, the head of PFO is an Architect not an engineer, and an architect should know how to define and implement a rational aesthetic space planning. No offense to the engineering students but architects are trained to offer design services and design means offering something not only feasible products but visibly enjoyable outputs.
What I have learned from this institution is the ironic side of what i can physically see in Adamson.  Maybe that is the reason why we cant blame students if they litter of do vandalized because it is their environment that urges them to disorder things. Napaka absurd ng 5 S campaign dahil effective lang siya kapag mag I-IQUAME, natuloy na nga ba ang IKWAME?

What im pointing out on architecture is feasible. Take for example the new De La Salle building in Taft. Even angels would feel unworthy and impure to vandalized the building pristine white walls.

Ladies and gentlemen, students have found sincerity in a mere plane dumb wall! Wherein in AdU, a wall is just an indication of another great literary flaming escapade.

This post does not meant to disfigurize Adamson University’s public image. It’s a form of wake up call. I am still hoping that the administration would try their best efforts to provide a better Adamson U. Architecture is the best way to market the institution aside from the quality (mejo doubting) and affordable (napaka affordable! promise) education.

Back to the scene, there were more or less thirty prostitutes that morning and I was able to have a chat with the six of them. Each one of them had their usual stories which they gladly shared. They thought the reason behind my interest with them was just pure sex drive or I was in a meticulous process of choosing the right pussy. Luckily or unfortunately (because I was drunk and my dick was numb to its tiniest vein), none of which drove me insane that morning, rather it was my keen interest to get an awakening glimpse of our grim reality that took over. Well, to tell you honestly, it was just a make-up reason from me that I was there. Or perhaps it was not even qualified to be a reason; it was just a plain coincidence that I got my butt in that place after missing the last jeepney ride home to Rivendell.

Amidst the vaginas surrounding me, there was this chubby girl that caught my attention. Chubby only and not overweight. She was wearing green t-shirt and tight maong shorts. She was damn too pretty and got a pair of big boobs. At first, I was doubtful if she was a slut or just a vendor because of her exquisiteness. For some minutes, my focus was glued at her. She was only ten meters away from me and her tainted existence illuminated the deepest recesses of my sober awareness.

I asked Jenny who that girl was. Jenny, who was a flat-chested whore with a big mouth and a lot of sad stories to narrate, told me it was Camille and one of her slut friends. So her name was Camille but obviously it was not her real name, I told myself. Jenny left and quickly came back with Camille together with three other girls. Those three other girls were no more than diminishing entities to me. It was only Camille for me that moment. No other else. Not even the flat-chested Jenny.

I was persuading myself to screw Camille because she was my type of girl but to no avail of my temporarily-depolarized libido (alcohol-related), I only contended myself in meeting her and getting her fake name. Even her smile was a fake one. I was not sure about her sumptuous boobs. Perhaps not.

Still I was fiercely looking at Camille’s boobs (and imagining of sucking it like a hungry newborn baby) when Jenny suddenly resurfaced from spontaneous oblivion and asked P350 from me if I wanted that chic. Fifty pesos was for her, she added. Camille was just silently staring at us. I didn’t know what to say. My mind wanted to do Camille but my tired body wanted rest.

I had no sleep for two days since I left the faltering skyline of Dubai, and instead of getting myself an immediate sleep from the devastating 12-hour flight - I got myself bottles of cold beer to toss down. It was a small celebration for my untimely comeback to this miserable spot on Earth.

I had then accepted that there is no end for beer. There is no end for misery wherever you might go. There is no permanent escape from it except death. Life will always be in futile struggle with entropy. The great cosmos has already succumbed from it. Why shouldn’t I also?

And who in the Heaven cares?

(I suddenly wonder if God have bigger boobs than Camille…hmmm…)