Incognito

There goes.... Number "THIRTY THREE"

2019-03-13T22:52:00.000+05:30

Gosh! Thirty three…... years are just passing by. Time flies and getting a bit older it seems…

Thirty three…. It can’t be described as some extravagant or pivotal birthday. You won’t find glittery or charismatic celebrations displaying those numbers in bold, shiny letters. My EMI payment isn’t going to decrease, and I’m not suddenly gaining access to nightlife locations with a perfect family life, but for some reason, it feels like a metamorphosis which leads to a new chapter in my life. Things have been beautiful and at times really jerky as I meander through the different phases of life. Life has showed me both ups and downs and at times horrible times but I have managed to sail through the rough tides. From popularity of school and college life to character assassinations by trusted folks to professional solidarity to finding the right person (Finally, Sigh…) to holding Gublet (My new born baby)for the first time in my arms, have observed and experienced closely and minutely all the emotions that has been thrown at me at.

There are certain experiences which I think, I have learnt down the line

1. Trust your instincts, it really helps.

2. Things will always happen when it’s bad timing, so never cry over spilt milk and continue your journey.

3. You can still achieve your goals if you act on time. 

4. Judging people by the decisions they make won’t help your cause as you haven’t lived their life. Everyone has their on way to lead life.

5. Be kind to everyone. You never know where or when they will show up in your life again.

6. Realize and appreciate when you are part of something special. Nothing will last forever. Just live the moment and appreciate it.

7. Everything can change in an instant. Things or relations can change without you ever thinking of it in the wildest of dreams.

8. Starting something new and recovering once you are cornered is the only choice you really have. 

9. It is very important to realize that there isn’t always something better out there. A small mistake and you can really screw up what you already have.

10. Follow people who encourage your dreams and goals. Find a mentor and gain positivity from every nook and corner 

11. It is really important to tell people today how you feel about them. They might not be here tomorrow. 

12. Always engage yourself in things that make you happy, even if they don’t make sense.

13. Always be kind to yourself. You are your own worst enemy. 

14. Talk to self and give positive vibes and despise those negative thoughts.

15. Keep changing your goals as you grow. 

16. Try to set goals that scare you. You will really be surprised at what you can achieve.

17. Don’t worry about material gains. Things can be replaced. People cannot.

18. When you actually do nothing, Its OK, you can actually reflect and introspect.

19. Introspection is absolutely necessary. 

20. It is never too late to tell someone “thank you.”

21. You can’t fix many things that fall your way. Death is not one of them. 

22. Positive thinking can go a long way.

23. Find people who will stand in your corner and fight for you. They are essential to your well-being.

24. You actually don’t look fat in photographs. Ten years from now, you’ll think you looked great.

25. Be a good listener when they open up to you. It’s all because of some reason.

26. At times when you feel lost, look to the past to remember who you are.

27. Fill your space with photographs of happy times. Surroundings can make a difference.

28. Travel, explore, learn and experience the World, there is nothing like it.

29. Take risks. It’s the only way to answer the “what if’s”.

30. Remember that your past doesn’t predict your future.

31. Make sure the people in your life know that you love them.

32. Appreciate just how far you’ve come and look to achieve further. IN THE MSP OF LIFE…THERE IS NO LEAD OR LAG BUT YOU HAVE TO AVERT THE CRITICAL PATH.

33. Truly enjoy this moment. You are not guaranteed another one.

Anyways, enough of lectures Life is short, live it to the fullest….

The only grievance I have as of now……..

“I Am getting Old!!”

But, the Child in Me still resides……

Well Into a New Decade....

2017-03-14T22:07:00.001+05:30

I turned thirty one today.

Thirty plus One.

Who cares?????

However, I am starting to realize that thirty one has its place.

My twenties were for picking things up, putting things down AND RUNNING AFTER THE RICHES as a result of the new found Financial Independence. It was a decade of entering professional life, risky behaviour, confident assertions, job shifts and five year plans which never worked and a failed marriage. Many moments to cherish, lots of mistakes and an incident which completely made me what I am today.

Being just a year in, I can already tell that the thirties will be the decade of negotiation, the decade of surrender, the decade of important decisions in life which would either make or break my career and a hope to find Someone Special who will take me away from the pain of the Past.

Thirties, it’s no longer a question of whether my chalked out plans will take shape or not but whether I actually want the things I penned into my five-year plans, and if so, what I’m willing to give up to get them.

As a divorced, issue less thirty something man, the thirties can be a treacherous and beautiful. Whether I am used to being lonely or whether someone would come into my life and sway me away to the greener pastures. The question is yet to be answered-Who have I grown into and is this who I want to continue to be?

The thirties is the decade of negotiating my most precious resource, my attention and my courage. It is the age of deciding what to ignore and what to dive into. Whether my vulnerability will become my courage or be my weakness. Questions like these are no longer a Null Hypothesis but will have to be directly answered by the very minutes of how I spend my life.

Do I aim for a bigger career — or just a bigger pay check???

If I seek a soul mate once again, what to look for??? And most importantly how to start everything once again-the expectations which I need to meet.

My priorities changed after divorce but again things need to be re-prioritized. A mountain to climb but knowing myself, it won’t be difficult.

Do I identify as a writer who works as a piping & hydraulics specialist or just a piping & hydraulics specialist who also writes? Does it matter?

The way thirty delightfully whizzed past me, I can tell that my entire thirties could end up as a breathless blur; like the gap of white space between a before and after photo between the twenties and forties: grow my career, write-write-write, get married, buy a house, have kids, invest, money into retirement, consider selling house, and it goes on and on. Aaaahhhhhhhh......!!!

I’ve fully claimed my space among the joys of adulthood, but I also realize that being a full-fledged grownup requires the high price of my attention. The danger of the thirties is that I doze off as I get lulled into a rhythm of earning, expanding and acquiring. Sleepwalking through my thirties will give me that same bitter cocktail of chagrin and remorse I once felt when I found out that someone had an affair and moved out of my life making an absolute idiot out of me in the society?

Still early in my thirties, I feel loyal to the twenty something lively, smiling, determined and loving twenty year old me while also acknowledging the deliciousness of slowing down .

This next decade will be about which parts of me get refined and which get sacrificed among the embers.

My most sincere wish for my thirties is that, however I choose to spend my attention, I stay conscious of my choices and that I live my days; maybe not every day, but most day.

I just want to EMBRACE everything that COMES IN THE OFFING “ With ARMS WIDE OPEN!!!.”

Cheers !!!

The THIRD decade...

2016-03-13T20:19:00.000+05:30

As I bid Adieu to my twenties this Monday, March 14, I look back at the third decade of my life or as I would love to call it - #TheWannabeTwenties, I see an array of transitions, transformations, reformations and many mistakes. In a nutshell, in our twenties, we are mostly wrong, especially because we think we are so right.

I wish I could have given some time to think wisely at times in order to nurture my twenty year old self. Not that it matters anymore, but if you happen to be reading this and you are in your twenties, perhaps one can link. And if you are in your thirties, feel free to laugh with or at me or both.

Do not run after the riches of the World in your twenties. It will ultimately get you to focus on career that you probably do not care about. This is not that meaningful at all and will reduce your zeal and finally drain your soul. Rather, focus on working with people that inspire you, doing things that give you energy, solving problems that matter. And if you happen to be passionate about engineering or projects, then you will make some money too.

Twenties is the time when you are most fertility and have lot of energy. Do not waste them chasing other's dreams. Besides, the first ten years of your career will direct the rest of it. Take your time in choosing. Try and learn as much as you can.

Quit your job if you are not happy. Trust me no one ever looked back and said I wish I stayed in this job I hated and caused me self-doubt. You will find another job, I promise (I actually did quit and found my “Calling”). You are probably in this job anyways out of fear. This brings me to my next advice.

If you are vulnerable, so be it. I must add, Vulnerability is the birthplace of courage. I spent a big chunk of my twenties, pretending that I knew it all, that I was doing amazing and suffering in silence. As I began opening up in the latter part of the twenties, I have grown tremendously, and was able to connect really deeply with my work and the people who came along in my life (though few betrayed).

Yes, soul mates do not exist. I spent a big part of my twenties looking for my soul mate only to find out soul mates are as made up as UFO’s is. This belief lead to numerous disappointments I could have spared myself from. Focusing on meeting people you share interests with and connections, seasoning that with timing are likely to land you a decent relationship. But seriously, do not run after it. Some People made it clear to me that love is just a hormonal imbalance which sometimes results in marriage but it soon vanishes when you face the realities of life and your shown the door with humiliation, false accusations and a bunch of curious moronic people all around.

Be ready to face betrayal. In front of your eyes you will find your world turning upside down and you can’t do a thing. All the vows which were made will be forgotten or I must add, used against you by manipulating the facts in order to make it look like everything is your mistake. You will be put up against lot of lies and false stories and it will sound so convincing that people will doubt you. Let me tell you that at this juncture, you need to really clear your mind and stand by what is RIGHT.

As a young twenty something who wants to get to the bottom of things fast, I ended up on the receiving end. My suggestion is, avoid fighting over sms, whatsaap or email. Difficult conversations are better handled in person. Things are easily misconstrued over the network. Just pick up that phone and call.

What I really understood in my twenties is that happiness is a marketing myth, so don't subscribe to it. Life is both pleasure and suffering, so choose what you want to suffer for and embrace the hardships that come along. If you marry then really Money Matters Boss, if you sometimes miss out on providing the luxuries due to crunch, problems arise. It gets multiplied when in a long distance and finally people tend to move towards the greener pastures when their land becomes barren.

Whenever you get time, follow your passion. I got back to writing again, planning to pack my back packs and head straight for the mountains, be with the nature, visit new places, meet new people-make good friends, explore the unending creativity of nature away from the “ subdued Robotic life” which has made all of us into an “Obnoxious Weed.”

Even though I cannot deny the fact that THE Past has shaped my future but my question is why talk about my Past?? Why not talk about my Present?? We are so hung up with the past.

I sometimes question myself; isn’t it all about today and how I live now. We love to FEED OVER THE LEFTOVERS, over and over again like the old melodies not realizing that this moment is getting over.

At least I feel special as I have the power to choose. I actually take pride in my innocence and craziness and I am deeply protective about the child inside me.What life taught me is that, we do not learn from good times but it’s actually the bad times which teach us the most.

Whatever happens in your twenties just remember that you are enough and you were born for a reason. Try to find your "CALLING" and make It BIG!! My story is not over but in the process of being narrated and I always think that I am in a direction of making it sustainable.

LIFE NEVER STOPS…THE JOURNEY CONTINUES…THE SHOW MUST GO ON…..

CHEERS!!!

Life Cycle of an Engineer...

2012-11-01T14:16:00.001+05:30

What Engineering taught me?

1. I learnt to use 3 High End Software:
* Microsoft Word
* Microsoft Excel

* Microsoft PowerPoint

2. I used 3 great short cuts:-
* Ctrl+C
* Ctrl+V
* Ctrl+X

3. I learnt to say three very imp words for life:-
* Yes sir
* Ok sir
* I'll Just Do That sir.

4.Flocking areas:-

*Boom area- Chai, sutta points & Canteens.

*College front & back gates.

*Foto-copy centres before exams.

5. When I really wanted to study, I learnt to: -
* Wake Up late
* Sleep early
* Continue to continue to watch series/play games

6. I learnt to: -
* Face Monday
* Fight For 5 Days
* Wait For the Weekend

7. Love:-

*Facebook, the Bible.

*After college the romantic meet up.
*Looking for new chicks from 1st year like HAWKS.

I learnt to give reasons to family frnds and relatives for not making

* Phone Calls
* Messages
* Mails

8. I learnt to celebrate these things far away from loved ones:-
* Birthday
* Diwali
* Holi

9. In last 4 years, People say:-
* You made friends for a lifetime..
* You lived a life which was out of the world...
* You Enjoyed...

10. But when I compare me with my self...
* I just Sustained...
* I just Tolerated...
* I just Survived...

Free India

2012-08-15T11:00:00.003+05:30

Good Morning free INDIA... at least by the looks of d tri-colours being sold on various places.. The question are we really free??? Are we free from corruption?? 65 years gone, while people might get dazzled by the near perfect heavenly life of the big cities..somewhere down the line..the other parts of the country is cared for.. the question is we are being RULED n not governed though the constitution so designed that there are millions of loopholes and INDIANS are somewhat dishonest than most people from developed nations...So time for us to stand up against dishonest means..it may sound easy but really INDIA IS A COUNTRY FILLED WITH DISHONEST PEOPLE n its a truth however harsh it might sound..Frenz lets take an oath from today to be honest!!!
JAI HIND

Tears in the Wind...

2012-07-10T20:52:00.000+05:30

I dissolve my heart in those little tear drops

And scatter them in the wind, hoping...

That when you breathe, they would become one

With your heart, that which I long to be mine..

I will not search for the lost drops.. for they

Along with all the unspoken words,

Would find their place...

In the unwritten story of my love…

Pranab da, Kalam Sir or Inflation and Petro hike..

2012-06-19T22:51:00.001+05:30

Once again proved Indians are fools.... Entire nation is fighting over d next president...
Can I ask what effective role does a Presi hv in Indian constituiion????
Nice way to divert fools from the topic of Inflation..Fuel price hike..
Everyone has forgotten that our economy is crying and still we are more interested in moronic drama created by Mamata Banerjee. Why cant we seriously look into the economic crisis in the country....???
Someone rightly had said.. India is a country full of sheeps!!!
#wakeup Indians.

The Wet Cigarette

2011-07-19T23:52:00.010+05:30

CHAPTER 1

The day was rough, relentless rain and wrath that it brought with .The sun playing hide and seek with the clouds. The nature had so much to offer but his lips seek out a cigarette instead , the act now so practiced that it barely needs rehearsals. He speaks with breath wrapped in nicotine.

He was his own valentine; composed, comic, tragic and stubborn, all at the same time. His words are like the stars walking on the red carpet.

His canvas was always filled with bright colors but of late it prefers to remains blank. His pallet narrates a tale of tragedy, somehow, the colors doesn't seem to gel anymore .He seems to have lost the magic of making his canvas speak.

He may not be a bookworm but always used to think differently on issues which most used to ignore. But it gave him a lot of confidence to do something on his own. (It gives a feeling of immense pleasure to see your thoughts taking shape)

He was hurt, world seemed a bad place to dwell. After each puff a different thought burst into his head. This time he wondered, “Does graduation marks the beginning of a new life leaving behind the people who helped you climb the ladder?”

That night, he became nostalgic and remembered how his grandmother used to tell stories about miracles, miracles he loved to explore every night, miracles that came out of nowhere. Oh, he hoped some kind of miracle would take place for his sake!

Life has changed in a whisker and he kept wondering what went wrong. Was he not good enough??? Was he not practical??? Or was it just because life was not beautiful anymore???

He loved his job and it was his only friend. He tried a lot but failed. He was swelled with abilities but slowly he gave them up. He was surprised to see himself begging for a life which would take him away from the crowd which ones he liked. He wanted to but couldn't. Slowly but surely he was burning inside like a cigarette.

He wanted to get out, wanted to dream once again…

To Be Continued...

The Nostalgia...AMAR KOLKATA!!!

2011-04-11T16:32:00.005+05:30

As we gear up for yet another action filled season of IPL, the home team Kolkata night riders will try and produce a performance which would rather ignite the lost“banga-priti” among the Bengali race who are busy playing with blood during the season of political unrest...Though a Bangali, I find my people quite "qwirky", here are a few observations which I managed to come across during my short Stint at the city of joy:

Ø According to Bengalis, there are only three kinds Indians – Bengalis/Oriyas, Hindustanis (North Indians) and Madrasis (South Indians)

Ø Someone should tell Bengali Kolkatans not to speak in Hindi with Bihari and Sikh taxiwallahs. Bengalis will never get the hang of the language no matter how much they try.

Ø We all know that Bengalis are obsessed with food…What we may not know is that this obsession has reached such a point that nearly half their income is spent on fish, chicken and vegetables…As a result, there’s no money left to paint the facade of their houses which adds to the shabbiness of Kolkata.When asked, many Kolkatans say, “Who cares about aesthetics.Anyway, old shabby houses add to the character of the city”

Ø Bengalis for some reason pronounce ‘would’/'wood’ as ‘ood’ (the ‘w’ is silent)…Even the ones who have attended St.Xaviers College, Kolkata.

Ø Bengali babus always eat fish curry-rice before leaving for work…Their work day starts at 11 am and ends promptly at 5 pm with a one hour lunch break in the middle. No wonder nothing gets done in Kolkata

Ø The typical Bengali man always does the vegetable and fish/chicken/mutton shopping…This job is rarely entrusted to a woman or a servant…It is common to see unbathed men with uncombed hair in crushed pajama-kurtas at vegetable and fish shops haggling with vendors early in the morning. Bengalis haven’t adapted to the fridge very well as yet. They still feel that all food items should to be bought fresh everyday including butter.

Ø When you take the early morning bus to office,you will either notice people with their ear plugs ignoring everything or the groups which talk about the latest bangle soap “GANER OPARE”. You will want to sing “amake amar moto thakte dao” when the discussion goes to such an extent that young ladies try and associate their life with that of “pupe”, the main protagonist.

Ø Bengali women are dominant and Bengali men are wimps…If you don’t believe me, watch Parineeta and Devdas…Devdas, who drank himself to death because his mother forbade him to marry his true love, is idolised by Bengalis…For them, he’s the epitome of a true lover. The same is true of Shekhar the hero of Parineeta. Although he does marry his love, he doesn’t have the guts to make it public…There are many other stories like these in Bengali literature.

Ø Children especially girls have to learn singing preferably Rabindro Sangeet and obviously the art of FLIRTING is an in-born asset.

Ø Bengalis have a fixation for white foreigners (sada chamra)…Blacks are looked down upon except for Barack Obama. The colonial “HANGOVER” can be still felt and the “ANTEL(pl read in bengali)” bangali is always obsessed with Lennon,Floyd,Bob Dylan,Keats,Shakespear..and so on..the list continues…

Ø Politics is the order of the day and if you have to catch a train or attend a movie…Please make sure you have more than 2hours in hand cos you never know when “DIDI” or “BABU” might “LEAD THE NATION WITH A MICROFONE”, leading the traffic to a standstill for hours.

Ø Bongs in Kolkata are the founders of Adda-chokro,Adults spend their time discussing phootball, rabindro sangeet, dada-giri and CPM/Mamatadidi over cups and cups of tea..

Ø And the chops and singhara and various bhaja bhuji as we call it clearly gives you an answer for their frequent visit to CMC VELLORE and APOLLO HOSPITAL CHENNAI. (I was actually shocked to see menu written in Bengali in shops at “GREAMS ROAD” in CHENNAI where APPOLLO is situated.)

Ø The Jams and the “ANGRY DAILY-PASSENGERS” are to be literally taken care off…otherwise you will really have a tough time!!

Ø When Bengalis go out to eat, they will necessarily order a chicken dish…The problem arises when the chicken dish arrives…If all the pieces are not thangs (legs) they start fuming and arguing with the waiter…Why? Their reasoning is: if we order two plates of chicken, we expect 2 legs per plate…

Ø And obviously who can forget “OLY PUB” OR “COFFEE HOUSE” or a romantic evening at“THE LAKE” or a movie at “NANDAN” with ones “PRIYOTOMA” or “CRICKET @ EDEN GARDENS”?? It’s the pride of “THE CITY OF JOY” and one should visit these places to actually know what it is.

Ø One thing is pretty hard to find in KOLKATA… “SINGLE” and “NON SMOKING” girls. Its really a task to find the rare breed of females out here. People smoke cigarette like having water.

Ø And if I start elaborating Salt Lake Area, then I don’t think people of that part will appreciate it, but still it’s a disgrace to Bengalis,they are mostly old bunch of left alones (mostly old people whose children have left them to work abroad or “ARISTROCATIC BONGS” who have retired) who have now become businessmen and they screw the people coming to work at sector-5 and indirectly make people say that KOLKATA people are cheats.

Ø And now I should quickly mention the beauty of the “JHOOPS”…don’t think too much, it’s the Jhoopris which is a sort of Dhaba like arrangement for food..I can bet you can’t find food cheaper than this throughout the country.

The “BANGAL-GHOTI” , “ELISH-CHINGRI”, “EASTBENGAL-MOHUN BAGAN”, “CPM-MAMATA DI” fights will continue but in the end, I must confess, I am in love this city..TRULLY SOMEONE HAS RIGHTLY TERMED IT AS “THE CITY OF JOY!!!”

Wings...

2011-03-28T14:00:00.002+05:30

Take me back to thy lap,Oh MOTHER EARTH.

Take back thy son and wrap him in thine ample robe..

Let me be one with thy soil, and spread myself..

Far and wide like the joys of spring..

Let me burst open the heart’s narrow cage..

Breakdown hard stone walls of self…

And the dark and cheerless prison of my mind..

To rush forth in a rapture of delight..

And flow out to the far ends of the world..

Surging, billowing, rolling on…

I am a bird… mourning the loss of his wings..

Mother Earth, thy son is in pain..

Take away thy son’s pain and give thy son Wings to Fly!!!

SERENITY...

2011-03-28T13:56:00.003+05:30

The sun has set….

The sun has set, Evening appeared with a gem….

The moon accompanied the stars with a smile….

The river shown brightly amidst the darkness.....

The flower blossomed....A scent of flowers spread everywhere...

The birds are in their nest, the cows moo from their shelter..

Something bothers me...I feel restless...I am searching something....

My endless search continues...I dont know where am I standing...I dont know what am I searching..

At this moment, my conscience said,”Which flowers will you select? What wealth shall you get?”

I kept wondering.. And closed my eyes...

Goddess of sleep came on my tired lap and took me away to a new World..

Where the Creatures of land and water, In feet of the Goddess..

Rested in peace under Her shelter….

@25...Here I am...This is me..!!!

2011-03-13T15:45:00.002+05:30

Gosh!!! You turned 25…Shounak Banerjee…happy b’day to you!!!

I’ve thought so many times over the last year about this particular blog post. About what I’d say and how I’d feel. I didn’t realize it would be quite this emotional.

For once in my life, it seems that words aren’t quite adequate. I have so much I want to communicate, and yet I’ve rewritten these first couple of sentences a dozen times already.

I should start by looking at that list which I wrote back when I was just 24, to see how many things I’ve managed to tick off. After all, that was kind of the point of this blog.

But you’ll remember, dear Reader, that I take exception to the word “should”. And besides, even though I’ve achieved almost all of my original goals, somehow that doesn’t seem quite as important any more. I had questioned myself at 24 “So why not take an experimental (rather than an existential) view of life and ask the far more important question – what do I want to do here?” (http://addadilse.blogspot.com/2010/11/24the-question-is-why-am-i-here.html)

As I think about my birthday, I realise that my feelings about the last few days echo my feelings about the last year in general, and indeed my life so far.

I took a brave decision to come out of my previous job as it was IT and I wanted to be in core. Now it feels great to live my dream. I am doing what I love and getting handsomely paid for it, really sums up the satisfaction.

My mental strength helped me get over with my past and now I have even learnt to hit back at others. Offence is the best form of defence. And it’s better to face a problem than to ignore it!!!

Of course, I’ve also got friends to see and a birthday night doing a night shift at my office with two rats to accompany me. But then, there’s always something to do, isn’t there?

Looking back over the two and half decades I’ve spent on this earth, there have been a lot of achievements that I’m proud of. I would say that I’ve lived my life to the full, and have no regrets that start with “I wish I had…”

The trick is to carve out those bits of time where you can achieve the goals that mean something, that are just for you, otherwise you can end up just surviving rather than really living.

And yet the most important element of my life is the people who I’ve known and loved and been loved by...

So thank you to all of you who have got me to where I am today. I couldn’t have done it without you – I wouldn’t want to have done it without you – and I am so excited about all the years we have to share together in the future.

cheers!!!

With LOVE!!!

2011-02-21T22:41:00.000+05:30

Dear .....

Princess of my loneliness, how you come and go, without warning. You slip through my broken window seals. You drift lazily under the doors—your own brand of chill, in no hurry to move on. When you settle in, Melancholy, you settle in. I hear there are houses and hearts that you do not haunt.

“On The Verge, Or, The Geography of Yearning”—the test I am in—was supposed to be over this week. There have been frustrating technical difficulties, and my success has been postponed. Oh, the things I could write, the things I could say, of the hours and hours of work. I have loved working with my colleagues. I have loved working as a challenger again. But there is only so much we can control. I suppose it is an exercise in the art of zen, recognizing this—recognizing that the effort may fail despite the fact that we have worked as strenuously and as passionately and as enthusiastically as we know how. We cannot do it alone.

This office is same as my school or college used to be.We are sitting on our back steps. I am leaning on his(melancholy) lap, and his arm is around me. We look alike.

This week, had my 4th Anniversary, but now, she is not with me.People leave us and go away, without even caring for once..

So I have a new valentine now..and her name is melancholiness...I have the new song from the movie AUTOGRAPH in my lips..."Amake Amar moto THAKTE DAO...AAMI NIJEKE NIJER MOTO GUCHIYE NIYECHI..."

I cannot think of a more melancholy song, especially for a lonely person like me.

I tried so many times to call her, but she never responded....

I wish she had said something. There are so many things I wish she had said, and not said....

But I am my own funny valentine, always and forever, world without end...

As one day I told my colleague Prnks while trying to understand a little bit of programming in J2EE...

“The cookies have walnuts,” . “Just…so you know....Duniya hai Gol..aur...TV...” I sounded absurd, as ever, to her. Cloying. Ridiculous. Insane.

“Thanks,” she said...

There is not much to say, beyond that.

The tears come unexpectedly today. Another long night of rehearsal, a dress rehearsal, lies ahead. Until then, I struggle with bills, with student loan issues, with a half-hearted piece of writing at another venue, with the physical distance between me and a dear soul who is just beginning to learn to navigate my melancholy(I hope so). I struggle to understand how the past can hold so much blood, how the past can keep bleeding into my present. The future is very hard for me to see. I want to see it. But I do not feel lucky. I feel like I will be punished for any new happinesses, for any new hopes.

I do not enjoy this expansion. I would prefer my heart to take up a new motto: “Out with the old, in with the new.” “Time heals all wounds.” “No past, no future, only now....”

With LOVE,

Yours trully,

Shounak....

tht stupid day of d year!!!

2011-01-26T10:47:00.000+05:30

Again tht stupid day wen u can listen to"MERI DESH KI DHARTII",REPUBLIC PUJA.Today is the day wen the tricolour gets hoisted by"USELESS JERKS" and we sing or rather are forced to sing our national anthem.lolzzz....Remember today is d day wen all d cheaters became eminent people of the society and d system became a republic run by cheats! by d way I hv my share of alcohol today.those who haven't,enjoy d DRY day!!!

Breaking News:Life now costs less than food!!!

2011-01-25T18:12:00.001+05:30

Is it possible to be alone amidst the crowd of your memories…The question arises of wanting to be a simple man…When my life goes through autumn, when all leaves fall and flowers wilt..Suddenly there is spring, and I see a new ray of hope…

Go on with your struggle my friend…I realize that everyone’s childhood will be forgotten…To forget blood relations is difficult…Sin give rise to sin…We are still fighting over the mistake of our past…We still seek blood even for petty issues…Well, when I am mentioning about blood, it makes me wonder, if for this independence thousands of people have shed their blood…Doesn’t that blood have any value in our present??? We are still fighting with our neighbors who were once our brothers…

We are good at acclimatizing to situation…that’s why we accept the change and move on…But are we looking into the brighter side??? We are living in fear…or are we??? The question is why should we???

No we are still happy with what we have got… The media shows the rosy picture but the harsh reality is often OMMITTED…Anything happens or any security breach, THE Government blames it on the neighbors and we start hating them further and then again we move on…

But is this what an educated developing nation proclaiming it to be a leader should aim for???

The problem is we don’t know what our enemy is…

Our enemy is POVERTY, CORRUPTION, LACK OF PROPER INFORMATION, ILLITERACY, and CASTISM to name a few, which hardly one looks into. The system in our country has lots of loop holes which the politicians give proper shape in order to gain maximum self benefit. The problems created by politics, fights over MANDIR-MASJID-church…The question is, have these stupid things like temples or masjid or church given us the freedom??? Or they have stopped people fighting??? Grow up Indians, Grow up!!! Faith is inside and not in architechture or place. Its only PEOPLE who MATTER… recently saw two political parties fighting over stupid flag hoisting in JAMMU AND KASHMIR…some peace shit was organized…My question is why don’t they go to DANTEWAADA with their rally??? Why not go to the jungles and fight for rights of people who are slowly but surely going into NAXALISM due to neglect of the Government…

We take pride in having around 10 people among the top 50 RICHEST PEOPLE of the WORLD but what we forget is that, around 60% people EAT ONE TIME A DAY.. They cant even manage proper food... Still we say we are leaders. We forget that Onions are sold at Rs60 per kg and petrol at Rs 60 per lit. Yes we are good at acclimatizing to situation. The funny side of it was rightly coined by my friend ADITYA in his Facebook post “For the first time in the history of mankind "Need", "Comfort" and "Luxury" are sold at same price in India! Onions Rs.65, Petrol Rs.65 and Beer Rs.65!!!” And we still fight for blood...Blood has become cheaper...Life now costs less than food...

It's time to think and look into the bigger picture...

"PICTURE ABHI BAKI HAI MERE DOST" before we call ourselves to be a part of a developed nation...

It gives me immense pleasure to think of the possibility to rectify our mistakes…But are we game for it???

You!!!

2011-01-18T12:10:00.000+05:30

As you go through each day, you discover yourself a new…

You find yourself reacting to situations in a totally unexpected way,

You find, you surprise yourself more than you surprise others…

You find yourself changing…

For better or worse…

Somewhere, come time, you are given an opportunity to prove yourself,

To show the World that you can Justify your existence on Earth…

And as you go through life, trying to prove your mettle...

You will find something withing you shifting, moving or even changing…

And as you tread this new path…

Don’t ever change the Convictions that are right…

Don’t ever change the Habits that are good…

Don’t ever Compromise on your Principles…

For if your Values and Conviction, your Courage and Dreams are taken away from you,

There’s no YOU!!!

Now that it's over!!!

2011-01-18T01:46:00.002+05:30

I’m looking down now that it’s over....Reflecting on all of my

mistakes...I thought I found the road to somewhere...but I was

mistaken...the walls are cold and pale...the cage made of steal..

I hear a thunder in the distance...

So I am holding my head up high...hiding hate that burns

inside...Which only fuels their selfish pride...!!!

Natha or Jessica???

2011-01-18T01:12:00.002+05:30

Well "PEEPLI LIVE" n "NO ONE KILLED JESSICA"...two faces of media...one being d ideal case..i mean d role media shuld play...as in jessica.....n d other BEING D REAL FACE OF MEDIA in INDIA as highlighted in PEEPLI....MEDIA PERSONS JUST DONT GO FOR TRP... U HV D MICROFONE...DNT MISUSE IT...aS...
"YOU CAN LEAD A NATION WITH A MICROFONE!!...

Memories...

2011-01-10T15:21:00.003+05:30

Tears rolling down the cheek…

The wordless cry from the lips…

No one to console, when all alone…

We stand bereaved…

Feeling miserable, helpless and in an ocean of grief…

Truly in a very piteous state when our loved ones sway in the arms of death…

Memories make you feel nostalgic and deprived of the beloved…

Who now lies peacefully in the embrace of death…

Still it’s difficult for us to believe that our loved one is in a prolonged sleep, never to return...

The dead have reached eternity and we in turn get no replies to our entreaty…

It’s the last farewell, yet not our heart wants to bid adieu…

Well, still all depends upon time, the healer of wounds…

But till then we are only left to treasure the golden memories…

"SALAAM KOLKATA!!!"

2010-12-15T22:24:00.006+05:30

I’m a Bengali although not a Kolkatan but my first posting happened to be in “the city of joy” and I’ve always found ‘my people’ a bit iffy…Here are some observations:

Ø Bongs in Kolkata are the founders of Adda-chokro,Adults spend their time discussing phootball, rabindro sangeet and CPM/Mamatadidi over cups and cups of tea..

Ø Bengalis for some reason pronounce ‘would’/'wood’ as ‘ood’ (the ‘w’ is silent)…Even the ones who have attended St.Xaviers College, Kolkata

Ø Bengali babus always eat fish curry-rice before leaving for work…Their work day starts at 11 am and ends promptly at 5 pm with a one hour lunch break in the middle…No wonder nothing gets done in Kolkata

Ø The typical Bengali man always does the vegetable and fish/chicken/mutton shopping…This job is rarely entrusted to a woman or a servant…It is common to see unbathed men with uncombed hair in crushed pajama-kurtas at vegetable and fish shops haggling with vendors early in the morning…Bengalis haven’t adapted to the fridge very well as yet…They still feel that all food items should to be bought fresh everyday including butter.

Ø the city of strikes...every other day there is some kind of rally or strikes...and the people have to suffer.

Ø Bengali women are dominant and Bengali men are wimps…If you don’t believe me, watch Parineeta and Devdas…Devdas, who drank himself to death because his mother forbade him to marry his true love, is idolised by Bengalis…For them, he’s the epitome of a true lover…The same is true of Shekhar the hero of Parineeta…Although he does marry his love, he doesn’t have the guts to make it public…There are many other stories like these in Bengali literature.

Ø We all know that Bengalis are obsessed with food…What we may not know is that this obsession has reached such a point that nearly half their income is spent on fish, chicken and vegetables…As a result, there’s no money left to paint the facade of their houses which adds to the shabbiness of Kolkata…When asked, many Kolkatans say, “Who cares about aesthetics…Anyway, old shabby houses add to the character of the city”

Ø The Jams and the “ANGRY DAILY-PASSENGERS” are to be literally taken care off…otherwise you will really have a tough time!!

Ø girls are masters at the art of FLIRTING as it is an in-born asset.

Ø And obviously who can forget “OLY PUB” OR “COFFEE HOUSE” or “THE LAKE” or a movie at “NANDAN” “CRICKET @ EDEN GARDENS”?? It’s the pride of “THE CITY OF JOY” and one should visit these places to actually know what it is…

Ø One thing is pretty hard to find in KOLKATA… “SINGLE” and “NON SMOKING” girls. Its really a task to find the rare breed of females out here. People smoke cigarette like having water.

The “BANGAL-GHOTI” , “ELISH-CHINGRI”, “EASTBENGAL-MOHUN BAGAN”, “CPM-MAMATA DI” fights will continue but in the end, I must confess, I am in love with this city..TRULLY SOMEONE HAS RIGHTLY TERMED IT AS “THE CITY OF JOY!!”

"SALAAM KOLKATA!!!!!"

Wings...

2010-12-05T13:12:00.001+05:30

Take me back to thy lap,Oh MOTHER EARTH.

Take back thy son and wrap him in thine ample robe..

Let me be one with thy soil, and spread myself..

Far and wide like the joys of spring..

Let me burst open the heart’s narrow cage..

Breakdown hard stone walls of self…

And the dark and cheerless prison of my mind..

To rush forth in a rapture of delight..

And flow out to the far ends of the world..

Surging, billowing, rolling on…

I am a bird… mourning the loss of his wings..

Mother Earth, thy son is in pain..

Take away thy son’s pain and give thy son Wings to Fly!!!

SERENITY...

2010-11-30T00:52:00.003+05:30

The sun has set….

The sun has set, Evening appeared with a gem….
The moon accompanied the stars with a smile….
The river shown brightly amidst the darkness.....

The flower blossomed....A scent of flowers spread everywhere...
The birds are in their nest, the cows moo from their shelter..
Something bothers me...I feel restless...I am searching something....

My endless search continues...I dont know where am I standing...I dont know what am I searching..

At this moment, my conscience said,”Which flowers will you select? What wealth shall you get?”

I kept wondering.. And closed my eyes...

Goddess of sleep came on my tired lap and took me away to a new World..

Where the Creatures of land and water, In feet of the Goddess..

Rested in peace under Her shelter….

@24..the question is... “Why am I HERE?”

2010-11-19T01:20:00.003+05:30

The 24th year of my life is very important because it represents the starting of my Professional Life. Which is why I will never forget what I was doing during the last night before my TRP retest – I was saying “not tonight dear, I need to finish my JAVA-J2EE syllabus”?

(As it turned out, the JAVA-J2EE test was a bizarre affair and I flunked.)

When the fat lady sings, there will be many ~~people~~ things you might regret doing. And then there are things that will probably not cause you much regret – such as figuring out “WHY am I doing All this??”

What’s unclear in life???

Many things are unclear in life:

1. “Why am I HERE?”

2. Is it true that ~~Sachin Tendulkar~~ ,Messi is, in fact, not just God, but the man ?

3. Does Indian law allow you to divorce your spouse for not letting you watch the TV series of your choice ? (Apparently Yes)

4. Did Tiger Woods’ first 7 affairs drive him into having the 8th affair ? (Have one affair, shame on you, have two affairs, shame on me – 8 affairs and you have to feel sorry for the guy!)

5. Will my ex-girlfriend ever regret what she did to me? Besides, she is now enjoying her life with new found friends and it seems that she wouldn’t have mind if I were never there in her life – why else would she be ignoring my past existence in her life and even on her Facebook!)

What’s clear in life??

But if there is one thing clear in life, it is that I AM here. So why not take an experimental (rather than an existential) view of life and ask the far more important question – what do I want to do here?

Lonely,NO MORE...

2010-11-13T18:04:00.003+05:30

Here I am out in the dark..I feel so lost...
I am in search of a ray of light...
Throwing my hands here and there doesn't seem to work anymore..
I feel dead but I know that I am not....
Even in a gathering, I feel so alone...
I still wear a smile on my face to disguise the sadness in me...
I feel so betrayed that I keep looking for the reason for my existence...
And I keep asking myself, time and again, why am I doing all this???
Why do I feel like hurting myself even more..
I have taken a heavenly journey towards silence...
Suddenly, I hear a whisper in my ears, it was my SILENCE..
SILENCE said,

”The whole world will be yours
I can’t express, how much I LOVE YOU..
Even though the odds are up against you,
I will always be there for you!!!”

MASJID OR MANDIR??? WTF?? DONT WE HV WORK??

2010-09-29T20:58:00.000+05:30

As Sundeep Banerjee(Anjan Dutta) told Baji in the movie MADLEE BANGALI……

“Religion is 'Art'…what people do is politics!!! "

Religion comprises of devotional songs, varied architecture,

hymns , carols, temples, mosques, qawwali and all the paintings and frescoes. People tend to misinterpret politics as Religion…Politicians use people to satisfy their needs and create unrest in name of Religion…”.people please don’t get fooled by these cunning people who create situations of unrest and we fight!!!

If the politicians would not have supplied fuel, the Babri Masjid issue would have been averted. Who needs a Mosque or a Temple or even a Church when around 60% of the population of a country, which claims itself to be Leading developing nation, struggles to eat proper food even once in a day. Who has the time to fight over mosques and temples unless they get remuneration out of it??? THERE IS INDEED SOME PERSONAL MOTIVE INVOLVED IN IT!!

It really puzzles me how people who are friends and neighbors for years crossing swords against eachother for such stupid reason. And the government and the opposition parties have no answers.

My question is: Cant we build a water tower in the Babri Maszid site??? Water is an absolute necessity and people will have reasons to accept it because neither BHAGWAN nor ALLAH can deprive anyone of water. Gone are the days of Mandir n Maszid, Wake UP INDIANS!!!!!

Don’t be fools and fight…neither bhagwan nor allah promotes violence!!!!

JUST REMEMBER WE INDIANS ARE PROMOTERS OF "UNITY IN DIVERSITY!!!" AND THIS IS THE TIME TO PROVE IT!!

----SHOUNAK