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Physciatric Therapy and ADHD

Bryan Hutchinson — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 07:22:38 +0000

I have been in a lot of battles in my life, some were life threatening, some were tug of wars with myself for things I simply did not understand and some were just me trying to be confrontational with, well, me, myself and I.

ADHD can suck so bad that nothing else matters, it leads to a life of constant struggle, going nowhere, unless backwards is a place you want to go. When an adult discovers he has ADHD (or she) I think it is natural to want to find treatment to improve the symptoms, to counter them as soon as possible. The quickest way to do that is with medication, the more profound and life enhancing way, I believe, is through professional physciatric therapy to actually go in and take stock of what we are thinking and why. The suddenly new possibilities of living an improved, aware life are the brightest ‘ohh shiny’ of all, but can also be the most damning.

If you’re anything like I was, and I am not saying you are, then negativity from a life of constant challenges, constant failures and constant ‘hopes and dreams going down the toilet’ can get in the way of the bright new ‘ohh shiny’ promise of treating ADHD and getting on with a new, improved life.

Many people write me asking how I have improved and gained a positive outlook on life. I explain how physciatric therapy has helped me overcome my own internal demons and gain a better foothold on life itself. Then, of course, I recommend my book “One Boy’s Struggle: A Memoir” if they want the whole picture and if they want to feel what I felt and go through it with me on my journey. Their questions are a major reason it is in print. However, in short, I do give a brief description of the process that led me forward. Many write back saying they have tried therapy but it was useless because the therapist didn’t seem to be addressing their ADHD issues.

I always recommend seeking a trained professional therapist, because, that’s just not me, I am not a therapist and I can only share my experiences and thoughts about those experiences, so naturally this is just my input from a survivors view.

The reason I recommend such therapy is not because it will address the symptoms of ADHD right away. No, that’s a common misperception. When diagnosed as an adult with ADHD it is quite common for there to be a whole set of thoughts we have created which are self-defeating in nature. I think it is nearly impossible to treat the symptoms of ADHD first, in this respect.

Many of us just don’t get the ‘denial’ factor many of us deal with internally. If I can just get these symptoms under control, then I will think about myself in a more positive light. Well, maybe, but if we understand why we are thinking the way we are and learn to forgive ourselves for our past mistakes and supposed blunders of rational, this provides a more fertile ground for dealing with the symptoms and traits of ADHD. Leading the horse by the cart is what we naturally want to do when dealing with Adult ADHD.

Actually, by taking on the symptoms and traits of ADHD itself first we then are not dealing with the problems that may cause us to regress, if left unattended, and then quite naturally are often blamed on ADHD. That’s the part which most of us find hard to accept, because we want to improve today! Hey, it’s part of ADHD to be impatient, no reason to let that upset us, but if we admit it, the chances for improvement become far more optimistic.

Giving up on therapy, because the therapist seems to not be addressing ADHD symptoms, is usually because one just hasn’t realized yet what therapy is trying to, or needs to, accomplish first or one hasn’t found a therapist that is a good match for him or her. Some therapists explain the process they use first and I think that’s helpful to us ADDers. Many therapists will prescribe medication to help deal with the ADHD symptoms, they realize the eagerness and utmost necessity to get the symptoms and traits under control, but the medication is not the cure and therapy isn’t either; however, therapy provides a balance and way for one to have a clearer understanding of themselves and get past the self-defeating habits and thoughts which are enabling ADHD to have a greater impact than necessary and those self-defeating habits may not be ADHD, but rather a bi-product and those bi-products, if unaddressed, will continue to have power and may be disguised as ADHD themselves. And the circle goes unbroken.

It is not uncommon to feel more depressed or negative once therapy has started going somewhere. Once we start looking into ourselves and realize what has been holding us back in addition to ADHD, it’s quite natural to get disheartened by those discoveries.

Not all therapists are created equal, it is important to know if the therapist is a specialist when dealing with ADHD. It’s also important to feel comfortable with the therapist, once one gets to talking and revealing things the trust and chemistry between patient and therapist become vital for success. If one detects a certain opinionated tone, one might want to consider what that tone is. Doctors and therapists are people too and some lean in certain directions with their personal opinions which sometimes can become obvious. Radical opinions for or against, are not what I would consider ideal or helpful. A cool head that can see both sides of most situations rationally is more of an ideal person I would want to be handling my situation.

As I have written many times before, I think I was lucky that ADHD wasn’t the initial diagnosis and that depression was. Had I been diagnosed with ADHD first, I might have ignored the rest to my own detriment and perhaps even blamed the rest on ADHD, which would be natural and partially correct, but being correct to place blame doesn’t help either. Treatment helps. Not being diagnosed with ADHD first enabled me to not be distracted by it, if that makes sense…

Just my opinions on how therapy may help us and why some may not feel they are being helped by such treatment since it often doesn’t seem to address ADHD symptoms directly and often brings to the surface painful and distressing thoughts and emotions. Talk to your therapist about medication to help deal with the symptoms along with the therapy, that may help, but remember discuss any medication or supplements with your doctor, I am only sharing what has helped me and why I believe it was effective and helped me as much as it has.

You don’t have to think of your ADHD as a gift (more power to you if you do), but it is kind of nice to think of life as a gift, one worth treasuring every day. Sometimes though, we’ve just got to make the best out of what we have and work from there, life’s too short as it is.

~Bryan

PS: This was originally posted on my blog on our ADHD social network www.ADDerWorld.ning.com and let me point out here, that I visited 4 or 5 therapists before I found one I felt comfortable with! Just as with medication or other treatments, the first or second, even third might not work for you, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t one that will help!

Yes, there is a stigma to Physciatric Therapy, there’s a stigma to Medication too, hey, there’s a stigma to ADHD! We are on a roll! I let shame stop me long enough, too long in fact, but thankfully, I got over it – with help.

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ADHD E-Books For You!

Bryan Hutchinson — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 08:48:08 +0000

Just about every day I receive an email about my eBooks, how to get them, the cost, etc… They are fr-ee, you can share them with anyone that you like, you can repost them, etc… etc… here is the link to all 3 E-books, You do not have to do anything except click on the cover of any one you like and then SAVE it to your computer forever and ever, because it’s now yours! If you like, after you read, then you can email it to people or post to your website. No hoops to jump through, no requirement from you whatsoever!

1 of the eBooks will make it into print this summer! Can YOU guess which one?

Have fun, enjoy and share

(edit) instead of a link to the post, I have copied over the files here for you:

Click on the cover of the eBooks to download, save and share them…

I hope you enjoy these eBooks and please remember to SAVE them and SHARE them!

You can’t take it back – what is said is said – ADHD impulsivity

Bryan Hutchinson — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 07:32:08 +0000

Impulsivity can lead to disaster due to blurting out thoughts never meant to be spoken.

Thoughts race through our minds, here, there and back again. Some thoughts don’t mean much, they just race by and have no concrete meaning, but every now and then, in the heat of a moment or in uncontrolled haste, some thoughts never meant to be said slip out and, as much as we would like to and as much as we try to explain and apologize, we can’t take them back.

We’ve all had that happen. However, let me try to explain something to any non-ADDer reading this. It’s called impulse control. Part of ADHD is a lack of impulse control and, as you can imagine (or not) we are quite impulsive. If something suddenly shines extra brightly in front of us and it is too expensive, outside of our budget, we may not consider the price or the consequences of making the purchase. It’s there, we are there and somehow, someway, we just buy it. That’s one instance, but with an easy solution called ‘refund it’. It’s a rather common one, but then there is one type of impulsiveness that isn’t explained away or taken back so easily.

There is a way the mind works that is as confusing as it is common. We all, ADHD or not, have thoughts that either float around in our heads, or race around, as in the case of ADHD they tend to race. These thoughts are not always rational, nice or accurate. They are just there. Some call these uncontrolled thoughts the pessimist within, or the Id, or the Ego, or the Super Ego (all have separate definitions [Freud], but we won’t go into that). Not all of these thoughts are self deprecating, some thoughts are about others and when spoken they come out as personal judgement or opinion.

There is a silent, unspoken rule in general society:

You can think it, but you can’t say it.

Have you ever said something you didn’t mean to say and wish you could take it back, but once it is out there, it’s out there and you must either try to fix the situation created from your words, apologize or walk away? Who hasn’t? In the case of ADHD, those thoughts which tend to race around the mind, but have no genuine meaning sometimes slip out into the world verbally. They aren’t meant to be thought, much less said, and have no true value to the person saying them, but because they are spoken aloud, they are taken literally and have very serious significance to the person or people hearing them, especially if those words have direction and specific meaning. For the ADDer, explaining that the words aren’t meant is nearly impossible. Once something is said, it is said and you can’t take it back!

Interestingly, there is very little, to no empathy for saying something or doing something impulsively, especially if it hurts someone. However, think about all the things you think about in a single day, think about some of the nightmares you have had in your sleep and they remain with you into the day – now, what if, in a moment while doing something, anything, you think of something, then look around you and realize that what you were thinking was actually spoken aloud. You didn’t mean to say it, it had no true value to you, it was just one of those random thoughts that everyone has. There’s no excuse for it. Your marriage is over. Your child’s feelings are hurt. Someone is crying, someone is devastated. You didn’t mean to say it… it had no value, until, until it was spoken. It was just one of those meaningless thoughts that pop into our heads.

Remember, again, that there is a silent, unspoken rule in general society:

You can think it, but you can’t say it. Even if you didn’t even mean to think it at all!

Remember this rule well. Unfortunately, this rule is difficult to abide by, being impulsive is a staple in ADHD symptoms.

ADHD is not an excuse; however, it is a reason for certain behaviors, such as with impulse control. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be ADHD. This, of course, is not to say that with awareness we cannot learn to control it better, or observe our behaviors better, because, we can and yet, from time to time, ADHD will get the better of us!

Have you ever said something and then wonder ‘Did I really just say that?!’

~Bryan

You are not alone

Bryan Hutchinson — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 08:28:38 +0000

It’s easier alone.

So it seems.

Sometimes, the preference to be alone is so great that it is hard to break away from, it’s seductive and oh so quiet. When we are alone there is no one to judge us, no one to condemn us, moreover, there is no one to argue with.

But, alas, being alone is so lonely.

Not to know what to say, or how to say it if you did know. It’s so much better to remain in the shadow, hushed and alone. When alone, there’s no grade or compliance, there’s no role to play or correction to make. It’s easier to be alone, because, there’s no one to tell you that you are wrong, that you don’t have what it takes, that the way you live is wrong, that what you are doing is causing problems, that how you act is unacceptable.

It’s better, just to be alone?

And yet, you are not alone, no, never alone. There are so many of us that are trying to find a way, to achieve something, – to be loved, to have love, to be awarded for a great effort or talent, to be pleasing to another – to say the right things, to make the right moves and know that no matter what, no, no matter what missteps or wrong interpretations, that you will be held and held tightly, without forlorn words of why or, perchance, that you could be better. It’s all your fault, after all. As you are, it seems, simply, regrettably, not acceptable. So we come to believe when we are alone.

You are not alone.

We are more than one and you will never be alone. We share common ground, and spoken, or not, by yourself or in a crowd, we are together in our experiences, never truly, entirely, alone.

Bryan

What is the meaning of life?

Bryan Hutchinson — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 08:25:12 +0000

To be beat down, criticized, punished and live with regret and guilt all of our days?

No. There is another way – a positive, self fulfilling way. I am going to share that way with you.

Life is more than we give it credit to be and yet too many of us live within a shell of fear and anxiety. We walk the halls of our life flinching from the slightest sound which echoes within our minds, on and on, and on. We fight against it, we try to be strong and we try to walk tall. We try to show confidence and strength. We go day to day wearing the mask of life as strong courageous human beings. But why does it have to be a mask, why does it have to hurt so much, why can’t we just be understood and accepted for who we are? Why do others try to hurt us and tear us down? Why do we want to give up and yet still continue?

And so begins my book, The Brilliant Reality of ADHD. It has been chosen as the editor’s pick in the latest issue of ADDitude Magazine. I was taken by surprise when I was told that my book was the editor’s pick! ADDitude Magazine is the premier magazine for people with ADD or ADHD. Joan and I often search the book review database of ADDitude Magazine’s online version for ADHD book reviews when we are looking for a new interesting, informative book to read! There are many excellent books recommended; therefore, knowing the quality books ADDitude reviews is actually quite humbling for The Brilliant Reality of ADHD to receive such an honor! And you would think that would be enough, think again…

I wrote an email to thank the editor of ADDitude for choosing my book and he wrote me back to discuss using excerpts of my writing about ADHD for a special piece in an upcoming issue! How exciting is that? Of course, I wrote back asking if he would be so kind to give ADDer World a mention on the cover! So, dear readers and members, let’s look forward to picking up the next issue of ADDitude! If you haven’t read the latest issue of ADDitude Magazine it is in book stores now. I know because my sister discovered it, and the review of my book inside, when she was shopping in a book store recently!

It’s nice to be surprised every now and then… isn’t it?

~Bryan

Insecurities Are Not Attractive

Bryan Hutchinson — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 13:06:37 +0000

“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.”

~Unknown

It’s a harsh reality in the ADHD world, but let’s face it and put it right out there in the open: insecurities are not attractive, not sexy and in no way come across as positive statements in attracting a loving, caring partner.

Ouch!

It’s a glaring hindrance to fulfilling relationships for many people with ADHD, especially for undiagnosed or untreated ADDers and that is “insecurity”. Insecurities come across in many ways and most of those ways are ‘in disguise’!

Here are a few of them:

Jealousy
Acting funny (when the situation doesn’t call for it)
Teasing
Arrogance
Negativity
Distancing (not calling, staying away or just being quiet)
Anger
Ranting
Empty Promises

None of these things are attractive.

All are counterproductive which can ruin what could otherwise be good, lasting relationships.

If these things are counterproductive, then why do we do them? It’s quite simple actually; these are natural, protective survival skills that for one reason or another we subconsciously think work. These survival skills have resulted from compensating for the symptoms of ADHD. What’s worse is that many non-ADD partner’s blame themselves for the behavior of their ADHD partner and therefore, do not realize that these tendencies would, and probably have, happened even if they had been with someone else. It’s not about the non-ADD partner; it’s about the ADDer and his or her insecurities.

Non-ADDers beat themselves up trying to figure out how to understand and appreciate their ADDer. Why does he or she do this or that? – how can I maintain? – how can I carry some of the load? –how can I help? etc… etc… The answer, I have found and experienced, is a rather uncompromising one: Unless the ADDer resolves his or her insecurities and comes to realize that they are unhelpful and unwarranted, then the situation isn’t going to change too dramatically. It’s even worse if the ADDer is in denial, then you might as well run now – right? But, no, you can change him or her… right?

I have never understood this odd need to ‘change’ people. You can’t, you won’t and you never will ‘change’ anyone. I have said this before: people improve and they can modify their behavior, but no one changes who they are, or someone else for that matter, and BESIDES, aside from the insecurities, which are often founded in our behavior for very good reasons, we are not ‘bad’ people. ADHD does not equal bad, but I digress.

So here’s the point: Those of us with ADHD who also suffer from insecurities (most of us do) will find it extremely difficult to find fulfilling, life-long relationships. It is important to learn coping skills for improving distraction, accomplishing tasks and making it to appointments on time, but it is also just as important to work on one’s self-esteem. One of the most important aspects to becoming attractive and appreciated is to feel good about one’s self and not allow insecurities to ruin what could be…

The great majority of non-ADD partners I have talked with want to help their ADHD partner, but are unsure of how. The thing is, there is no perfect suggestion or tip for a non-ADD partner especially if the ADDer does not realize that their protective survival skills, which may have been necessary at one time or another, could be sabotaging their opportunity for something wonderful. People with ADHD are not impossible to live with or destined to never have a lifelong fulfilling relationship. Neither are they necessarily doomed to a life of unhappiness. However, for many of us, even us ADDers, it is nearly impossible to find long-term happiness with someone who is excessively insecure. At least, not as insecure as I once was.

ADHD plays havoc with us and the ones we love if untreated and some learn to counter their symptoms quite well, even without professional treatment. However, insecurities which have developed due to our symptoms for various reasons (chastisement, punishment, failing and many others) should be equally treated. Of course, I am not a doctor or a therapist, so my suggestion is if you have learned to cope very well with your ADHD mind, or, are on that road, consider all the ways you have learned to cope and the self-protection mechanisms you have created to get by and survive, or (and this was important for me) mechanisms that help you feel better about yourself, even in the eye of the storm of mistakes and supposed incompetence, then talk them over with your trusted doctor or therapist. It helps to have a guide to see clearly what once may have been helpful may have grown into something else.

My struggles, as a boy, as a teen and as an adult have been as much about overcoming deep seated beliefs about myself due to my behavior, as they have been about learning to cope with ADHD, even when I didn’t know what ADHD was! That’s a mouthful, even for me. For me there was an additional issue at play, and perhaps others have experienced this too: It’s comforting, in a way, to know I have ADHD and sometimes it gets rather easy to blame my ADHD mind, but sometimes it’s not the ADHD, it’s my insecurities, which are a result of, but are not, ADHD! - it’s not always easy to separate the two, but only when I learned to do that, which took therapy, was I able to turn the long corner and become a more positive, creative, healthy minded and constructive person.

~Bryan

Advice I give to young people, students, teenagers, kids and children with ADD or ADHD

Bryan Hutchinson — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 11:58:48 +0000

There’s a certain question or group of questions which are basically the same that I get asked time and time again. The questions are: “What would you tell your younger self if you could go back in time?” – “What message do you have for the youth today suffering from ADHD?” – “What’s the one thing you would tell a student that would help them achieve academic success…?” And many more, but in the end the answers I give relate to all young people with ADHD, regardless of how the question is phrased:

1) Do not rely on trial and error alone.

The typical fashion young people with ADHD learn is through trial and error. I believe there are trust issues involved and of course, not wanting to be hurt or to fail in the face of others or self. I pull from my own experiences in “One Boy’s Struggle: A Memoir” and explain how I did not want to learn from others, how I refused advice and mentorships simply because I thought I could ‘learn it or get it’ on my own. This is the #1 mistake, in my opinion, too many of our youth make. There’s nothing in this world so new that it has not been experienced in one way or another in the past, and with those past experiences are valuable lessons learned.

Here’s the (my) ADDer’s first rule:

Never pass up sage advice!

Not all advice will work for or with everyone and not all advice is perfect, but to refuse advice in an effort to learn it as we go is just plain hazardous and delays learning curves by years, sometimes decades, and so much can be and has been lost in that time of ‘trial and error’. Remember, you can never get the time you lose back. Time gone is time gone! We may believe that we will feel better or be better for learning it the long, hard way, but the mistakes made during that process can be extremely costly: Lost relationships, lost jobs, lost health, lost money and lost youth! That’s just to name a few things.

Learn all you can about ADHD.
Seek mentorships, coaches and teachers.
Talk to people who have been there and done that.
Even if you think you know the answer, listen anyway, take notes and continue listening.
Be accepting of support. Accepting support today may give you powerful strength and knowledge for when you are on your own later.

Got some tips or suggestions for young folks with ADHD? Feel free to share ‘em with us.

~Bryan

Book Covers Revealed

Bryan Hutchinson — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 15:12:55 +0000

Thanks to our ADDer World members, we have the final front and back cover for Adult ADHD can be Sexy!

Special thanks to all of our members on our ADDer World Network who were so kind to give input. Interestingly, with this request I soon realized I have quite a few readers who have not become members of our AW Network yet and you wrote me with your opinions – thanks to all who took a little time out, your input has helped a great deal and has influenced the final cover! Here ya go:

Back:

Thanks for the overwhelming suggestion to use picture A, we decided to use it on the back cover, this could change depending on how it looks in print. We still have time to decide which photos to use inside the book, so if you haven’t given your input yet on which photos for inside the book, please feel free to do so at this link.

Exciting!!!

~Bryan

Photo shoot for new book

Bryan Hutchinson — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 11:20:24 +0000

Sorry I haven’t had the time to write as much as I would like lately. The new book has captured a lot more of my time than I thought it would and now that it is near completion, I really don’t have a clue what to write about at the moment. Hopefully, that’s just a phase? Have you finished a major project and then kind of wondered around a while wondering what to do next and it seems as though there’s nothing else to do? That’s kind of where I am at.

For the new book Joan and I wanted to include a few pictures for very specific places within it. You get to see a selection we are considering in this post. Please tell us which one’s you like best. We want you to have a part in this book. Next week we reveal the completed cover, which was accomplished with the assistance of members’ suggestions!

The book Adult ADHD can be Sexy is about relationships, intimacy and what Joan and I have learned together in order to make our relationship continuously better for both of us. We delve into some unexpected, not so much talked about places. Although I have written most of the content, Joan has had a major impact and her support has been essential – I even convinced her to write a chapter! It’s a delicious treat.

To give you a better idea of what you’re going to find in this book, over the last year I have published parts of more than a few of the chapters in blog posts and those parts have become some of the most popular blog posts I have ever published, two of them in particular have spread all over the web! However, I am not going to tell you which articles I am referring to – you’ll have to read the book to discover which ones! Oh, and yes, I know you all are very good guessers!

Please pick one or two of the photos that you like best to be included in the new book. You can comment, private message me on the ADDer World Network or email me, if you prefer.

Photos are by the wonderful model / photographer Catalina Magee

Here’s a late add that we are also considering:

Thank you for taking part in the new book!

~Bryan

SAGA OF ADHD Update

Bryan Hutchinson — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 12:24:34 +0000

Hope everyone is having a wonderful week so far! It’s been an active week on our ADDer World Social Network, as usual! We have the best members in the world. Lots of new members have joined, please feel free to stop by and give them a warm welcome.

The publication of my new book is very close at hand. IF you are interested in receiving a signed copy, visit THIS link, it’s quick and easy. Hey! Are you taking part? Start now, it’s never too late!

What’s new on ADDer World this week, or updated:

Adults with PI, do you have 1 or 2 signs of hyperactivity? This one’s about primary inattentive ADD and Coffee! I love coffee; it’s been my life saver, but too much?

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU WOULD CHANGE ABOUT ADHD? Just one thing? Tell us.

ADD women and sex Are they preparing for my new book??? Me thinks so!

ADD/ADHD kids in the family

THE NEVER ENDING SAGA OF ADHD…..

ADHD in ADDER world One of our members describes his ordeal living in the EU and the difficulties traveling with prescribed medication. He’s interested in others who have the same difficulty traveling.

Really huge news! DRT Press Anthology Exciting news from Kay Marner! Dr. Edward Hallowell is writing the forward to their anthology book of essays from parents of ADHD children. She is still looking for submissions, so if you’re an ADDer parent, check it out. Kay’s information can be found on the link’s page.

Have a fantastic week everyone! Look forward to your input!

Last week’s request for input for Are we just determined to Fail? Cant we ever taste success? received a fantastic response.

Thanks everyone!

~Bryan

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