I'm an Addict

2011-05-23T09:47:00.000-07:00

   This blog is to basically tell you a bit about myself & my struggle with addiction. I don't mean just drug or alcohol addiction...I'm also talking about the other addictions that stem from the use of these substances. The first step to recovery, in any situation, is to be honest & admit you are an addict. As I say at every NA meeting, "Hi, my name is live-n-learn (wish to keep my name anonymous) & I am an addict". When I was 21 I gave birth to my second child. After the birth I had postpartum depression, anxiety, & a few years later diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Having a newborn & a 3 year old was hard enough but adding the symptoms of anxiety & depression led me on a road to destruction. My husband is military & is rarely home. When he is home he is a great support system though & helps me out in any way he can.

    The road to destruction began with alcohol. First it was only a few beers a night with friends. In the blink of an eye I was drinking a 12 pack every night. If I did not have that alcohol I would crave it so bad I would get sick to my stomach. I hated the feeling of craving the alcohol, of being a drunk, & having hangover feelings the next morning. But there was nothing I felt I could do, except drink to make all the pain inside me go away. Everyone always asks me, "What are you depressed about? Things can't be that bad. It's all in your head". It's hard to explain what it feels like to be depressed & anxious almost 24/7 if you've never felt it. No matter how hard I tried I could not pick myself up off the floor once I fell down.
      Over the next few years I kept my alcohol addiction. I never sought help except telling my friends how I was feeling. I had many affairs. I wasn't a horrible mom. My kids have always been my life but looking back at the nights I went out to the bar with friends while my mom kept the kids instead of staying home with them reading bedtime stories, I regret every sip I ever had! My husband also had many affairs which led me to have my affairs & drink even more. I'm not blaming anyone b/c this is my issue & I brought this all on myself. I admit that now, but if you would have asked me a year ago I would have said I didn't have a problem. Now I drink on occasion (maybe every other week) with a friend. But everyone keeps telling me that "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic". I would like some advice or opinions on this issue. I haven't had a problem with binge drinking or drinking to the point I don't remember who I am since August 2009.
     Now I'm in a whole new worse predicament. I have become addicted to narcotics.

Addiction

I'm an Addict