adequate and inadequate descriptions of the indescribable

tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34992348084175347062024-11-01T05:01:59.651-07:00adequate and inadequate descriptions of the indescribablekrbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.comBlogger423125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-70044944505148168772012-12-01T23:49:00.001-08:002012-12-01T23:49:24.098-08:00

Sometimes the sheer thought of life makes me so scared. The idea that we're here to tolerate it until we die doesn't seem right to me. We must have a purpose. Something more. Otherwise this is a terrible game we are playing.

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-62372577549616398882012-11-12T16:36:00.004-08:002012-11-12T16:37:24.259-08:00Growth. Change. Repeat.

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krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-82796825669024587322012-11-02T14:42:00.000-07:002012-11-02T14:42:21.223-07:00I'm employed!

Exciting news! Though I don't feel excited about it. I got a job. Accounting for a mining sales company. In Richmond. I travel 45minutes each way. But it's a start. Other than focusing on getting a job, I've not been up to much. My brother came down, then my sister followed a week later. This week my mom and dad where here. So it hasn't been lonely. I am sending a care package to my grandma.

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-25443269418304952122012-10-21T22:01:00.001-07:002012-10-21T22:03:22.427-07:00In search of Church

I'm finding it nearly as hard to find a new church home as it is to find my perfect boyfriend. I've been to two so far and they're not feeling 'right'. One minister pretended as if they knew me, and the other I was the youngest by about 30 years. I know I can find, and worship God equally in both places, but bible study and congregation are a huge deal to me. I will wait. I will try again

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-20444891280126769002012-10-07T17:11:00.001-07:002013-05-07T15:08:53.683-07:0030 before 30: Move to Vancouver

I did it. I am here. Vancouver. I move into my apartment on the 15th. I'm excited to get a job and furnish my place. I want to join running clubs, book clubs and just focus on finding myself. I miss my family a lot, and I will miss them insanely more, but I really had to get away from that mess. I feel good here.  Though a weird part of me feels like I need to take on a big project or

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-67517309597024572012-10-07T16:34:00.001-07:002012-10-07T16:34:26.868-07:0030 before 30: Qualify for New York Marathon

I didn't qualify today. I did not come close, but I feel ever so proud of myself and my running journey.  September 23, 2012 marked the one year anniversary of completely rupturing my achillie's tendon while playing squash. Today I ran The Goodlife Fitness Victoria Marathon!! I finished in 4 hours, 11 minutes and 18 seconds. I got 38 out of 129 in my category and was the 264th female

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-72078301903271404142012-10-07T16:20:00.000-07:002012-10-07T16:20:03.817-07:0030 before 30: Get Baptized

On September 15, 2012, I said I do, to the Lord. It feels right. I was pretty nervous in front of the large crowd, but I got over it.   Laying on hands, these kids are so cute. I love them.  I love my minister Bev C Brazier and the United Church of Whitehorse. She's become a best friend, and I hope I will always remain close with her. She inspires me. 

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-17151613729001871322012-09-30T12:06:00.001-07:002012-09-30T12:06:19.018-07:00Church

Sometimes I think my heart is already so full of pain that when I hear of any more pain it spills over and I begin to weep. I cry for people I have never met. I cry for people who do not live in my own country. I cry a lot. I cry for mostly unfit reasons. I am off my anti-depression medicine because I thought I had it figured out, and with the anticipation of my new life I'd be too excited to

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-58783996725381845202012-09-17T12:00:00.001-07:002012-09-17T12:00:54.987-07:00

I lost my anxiety medication a week ago and being jobless doesn't allow me get new stuff. There I was anxiety attack mid-shower. I'm losing my shit.

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-43812572215105610122012-08-30T23:00:00.000-07:002012-08-30T23:00:07.300-07:00Running Group: "Hills are awesome!" Said none of us, ever!

I'm gunna miss my Thursday night group.  We ran 10 miles across the top of a mountain and back tonight.  Six peaks to go up, and over to get to the summit.   Then we had to turn around and head home, over the same six peaks we just staggered over.

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-31210637706015161892012-08-22T12:54:00.000-07:002012-08-22T12:54:24.100-07:0030 before 30: Hike in Denali National Park

I spent 10 days travelling the State of Alaska. I drove 3,400 Kilometres. Took over 500 pictures, and ate out of way too many dehydrated food bags.  I met a lot of really cool people and saw even more great things. I learnt a lot about myself. I found peace in the rain, and got more and more depressed the closer I got to home proving the move to Vancouver is not by any means a mistake

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-74868651237656378052012-08-22T11:59:00.000-07:002012-08-22T12:00:52.914-07:0030 before 30 Spreading Jim in the Tombstones

I actually hiked and spread Jimmy on July 1, 2012. Two months ago... I am getting really bad at posting. Sorry.  I was all alone out here.  Could never grow tired of these mountains. I dug a hole and put her ashes in the ground here. E.M.O.T.I.O.N.A.L! 

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-13163208412721710772012-08-04T18:00:00.001-07:002012-08-04T21:30:38.794-07:00Alaska Bound.

A week from today, I'm heading to Alaska for 10 days. I'll be spending it with Luna fishing, hiking and bumming around the coast. Hiking in Denali is on my 30 before 30. I haven't put much thought into it yet. I'm excited. I'm scared. I'm looking forward to a break from my phone-family-job. Hopefully after Alaska I will have time to update this thing more often. Until then, keep dancing.

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-74700863559974253812012-07-22T07:44:00.001-07:002012-08-30T22:57:19.511-07:0030 days of saying no. I'm alive.

Consecutively, I've not said no for thirty days. But I do make it a habit of saying no more often. In doing so, I've realized who and what is important to me. I've realized which relationships to pour myself into, and what hobbies are most likely to make me feel whole and important in this world.  This is what I've been up to the past few weeks: I've been hanging out with this

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-73572364573670692792012-06-25T22:57:00.000-07:002012-07-12T09:23:54.510-07:00Finding the Positive in the Negative

Highlights: On Monday, I assembled and hung my hammock. Which I later finished a book in. I got 2nd place in the female devision for the Charity Summer Solstice Race on Tuesday up Grey Mountain. Wednesday I reeled in a 24" lake trout with my brother and sister in-law.    I shot 2 handguns, 2 shotguns and a semi-automatic-machine-gun-thingy on Thursday at the shooting range with a

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-88064359674647100462012-06-19T14:43:00.000-07:002012-06-19T14:43:17.376-07:00Counseling || On Saving My Life

We talk about my dad a lot. It's absolutely clear to them that my family causes me anxiety, depression and guilt. They feel leaving my job, and clearly outlining a plan for my life is what I need to do. They've enrolled me in a group, much like AA, to help me deal with my depression and anxiety. We talk one on three, once a week, and sometimes by phone if I have moments of weakness. They

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-35545833877731277322012-06-04T22:05:00.001-07:002012-06-04T22:25:13.170-07:00Depression || The blackness

I was prescribed an antidepressant medication today. It says in the warning, I am able to get worse before I get better. That I might consider harming myself; I might not sleep, or I might fall asleep accidentally; I might have disturbing dreams; become angry and violent; and develop repetitive behaviors. I should consider having a caregiver around until my dosage has been figured out. (

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-26307327741257130622012-05-31T14:17:00.002-07:002012-05-31T14:17:57.481-07:0030 before 30: Conversation with a stranger

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krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-59885076831114920802012-05-29T14:14:00.000-07:002012-05-29T14:14:09.088-07:00Mental Health

I made an appointment with Mental Health today. Cried like a baby during the assessment. But to be honest, I cry like a baby nearly every day. It's hard to admit to someone that you're broken.

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-86575505123889284372012-05-27T22:16:00.002-07:002012-05-27T22:16:41.610-07:0030 day challenge || Saying No

I am a *happy person, but even happy people have rough days and weeks and months. Because I have long considered this a personal space, I choose to blog openly and honestly. This means that sometimes, you - whoever you may be - get a glimpse inside my head, and that glimpse might not always be pretty or tidy or fair or complete. I am a work in progress, and this blog reflects that. A while back

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-70155738626723328172012-05-25T20:21:00.000-07:002012-05-25T21:34:52.723-07:0030 before 30: Grand Canyon

As you know, my 29th birthday was a week ago, so I decided about a month ago I should try to complete 30 goals before I turn 30. Yes, typical of me to leave things to the very last minute- I know. When I finish editing my list I will post it, but I have to be careful what I put on it as I am soon to be out of a job and house...  So, here is the first thing I've done on my list. Hiking in

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-79700116578120345272012-05-25T12:00:00.002-07:002012-05-25T12:00:17.940-07:00What am I not reading?

"You must be joking," he said. "Look around. Think for a moment. It's the middle of the night, not a soul anywhere. In this city, at this time. Not a dog in the gutter. Empty. Except for this elephant -- and you're going to tell your idiot friends about it? Why? Do you think they'll understand it? Do you think it will matter to them? .... You must understand, this is one of those

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-91007667008018816772012-05-18T15:38:00.000-07:002012-05-18T22:37:07.974-07:0029.

There are some years, I think, that call for quieter, more peace-filled celebrations. So far it has been one of those, and I am grateful. I think the quiet years may be the ones that suit me best, the ones that remind me of the gift of introspection, of close friends and meaningful relationships. Smaller and quieter, I realize, doesn't mean any less joy-filled.

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-84667980389589340192012-05-16T09:36:00.002-07:002012-05-16T09:36:25.981-07:00Reflecting upon this:

Become a student of your own developing self. Pay attention to what moves you, what you love, what makes you angry, what makes you exhausted. There are no right answers to those kinds of questions, but if you don’t pay attention, you may find yourself several years down the road, living a life that looks good on paper, but doesn’t ring true to the deepest parts of you. That’s a terrible

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499234808417534706.post-26480087987272501122012-05-15T12:17:00.000-07:002012-05-15T12:17:09.082-07:00inspirations week five

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a

krbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802193271245527625noreply@blogger.com2