Adoptive Momma of Three

Adoption Webinar

2012-01-23T15:03:00.001-06:00

American Adoption Congress Webinar Series

WHO AM I?

DEALING WITH GENETIC CONFUSION IN THE ADOPTIVE FAMILY AND BEYOND

Webinar with Nancy Verrier, MFT

Few people think about how confusing it is for adoptees to grow up in non-biologic families, especially if they came into the family at birth or soon after. The nurture v nature debate has been going on for years, yet it still hasn't been addressed in any satisfactory way. When one adds separation trauma and the coping mechanisms which result from this wound to the mix, it becomes even more confusing. What is authentic, what is coping, what is adaptation? How is the adopted person supposed to be in the adoptive family and how is s/he supposed to be in any relationship?

In this webinar, Nancy will address the many ways a child struggles to fit into a family and why it is so difficult for many adoptees to do so. The fact that many aspects of these differences are beyond the control of either the child or the parents make genetic confusion and adaptation extremely important to understand. This webinar is especially important for adoptees and adoptive parents, but will be significant for anyone connected to adoption.

Date: Sunday February 5, 2012

Time: 1:00 p.m. PST, 4:00 p.m. EST. Webinar is 60 minutes in length.

Cost: $15 members. $20 non-members.

Payment options: VISA, MasterCard, Discovery, Amex, or check

Computer Requirements: Computer with internet, computer speakers.

To register: Go to www.americanadoptioncongress.org. Click the "Register" button and complete the registration and payment sections. Before the webinar, the AAC will send you a link to the webinar. You must save this link in order to participate in the webinar. When it is time for the webinar, click on the link and follow the prompts. Participation is limited.

Watch for news of the next AAC Webinar in March!

Lynne Banks
My view of what is going on in the adoption world @ www.lynnebanks.blogspot.com
SD State Rep. www.americanadoptioncongress.org

Waiting Child (RAD)

2012-01-23T07:55:00.000-06:00

I receive the following emails through an adoption list serv. I do not have personal experience with the agencies or facilitators. Please practice due diligence and research the postings.

___________________________

This will be handled as a private adoption. All interested parties should contact Gina @ 12forhim@gmail.com
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: ginawilkinsplus11
> To: waitingtoadopt@yahoogroups.com
> Sent: Sunday, January 22, 2012 9:12 PM
> Subject: [SPAM] [waitingtoadopt] Possible situation 6 year old special needs
>
> D is a 6 year old little boy with special needs. D's scars from his experience as an abandoned and abused infant have left him feeling unloved and unwanted. The recurring trauma and fear that he suffered in his past has taught him to refuse to let anyone get close to him. D went through 3 family/relative placements in his first year and disrupted 8 foster homes by the age of 2. He would generally stay in one place for no more than a few weeks because of his deep fear of being abandoned once again by care givers trying to parent him. He acted out behaviorally in an attempt to guard himself from being loved. Because of what D has experienced he protects himself from ever trusting adults.
>
> D has been diagnosed with RAD and other complications due to his disorder. D's problems stem from his birth parents abuse and neglect followed by 14 months of multiple placements in state custody during his very early years of life. His best hope for the future is to be in a family with no younger children. He needs parents that can focus their attention primarily on him. D will need continued counseling and parents that are willing to learn about RAD. A therapeutic home environment will give D the absolute best chance to learn to trust and to love.

Adoption Quotes

2012-01-22T11:35:00.000-06:00

10 Popular Adoption Quotes...

1. “If a mother and father can love more than one child then why is it so hard to understand that a child can love more than one mother and father?” ~ Unknown

2. “When she looks in the mirror, we want our daughter to know herself. It’s hard to face the world when you don’t know where your face came from.” ~ Adoptive parents

3. “However motherhood comes to you, it’s a miracle.” ~ Valerie Harper, adoptive mother

4. “Adoption comes from the heart, but the adoption process comes from the Law. You should follow your heart, but be sure you also follow the law.” ~ Irina O’Rear

5. “An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet,
regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.” ~ An ancient Chinese belief

6. “Children and mothers never truly part, bound together by the beating of one another’s heart.” ~ Charlotte Gray (This one is pictured on the graphic image above.)

7. “Giving birth does not make a mother…. Placing a child for adoption does not make her less of one.” ~ Unknown

8. “There are two different kinds of strength. There’s the strength to make a parenting plan and then there’s the strength to give that plan to another.”

9. “Having a child means a piece of your heart is walking around in the world.” ~ Unknown

10. “Children need two things. One is roots and the other is wings.” ~ Unknown

Source: Adoption.com

Resources

2012-01-21T10:54:00.001-06:00

A friend of mine sent me an email asking for resources. Her son watched Kung Fu Panda 2 and started having questions and concerns about being adopted. I responded to her and felt I should pass them on to you as well.

The Adoption Guide (one of my fav resources, I even have the app on my phone)

Adoption.com (this link has a long list of resources at the end)

Child Welfare Information Gateway

I also belong to two Yahoo! groups. There are other adoption related groups but these are the two I have been able to gather the most information and resources from. By posting questions to the groups other adoptive parents who have resources or personal experience are able to respond and provide you with information and help. The two groups I use...
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Adoption_a_gift_of_love/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/waitingtoadopt/

I hope some of the above resources are helpful and provide you with information you can use.

Crash and Burn

2012-01-17T19:38:00.002-06:00

This is Brice and Lucky.

Lucky is one of the many horses Brice rides. Last night Lucky went for a run and took off...with Brice on his back. Brice did his very best to get him to stop and did not panic. He did everything he has learned and tried with all his might to get Lucky to stop. Lucky kept going and Brice bit the dust. Literally.

Brice is fine and did not shed a tear. He dusted himself off and got right back up in the saddle. I was very proud of him.

Tonight Brice had another lesson. I thought he might be timid about riding again but he woke up this morning and said to me, "I want to ride Lucky, he's fun!"

I think he has found something he really loves. I hope he decides to ride for a long time. It's a lot of fun to watch him, except when he falls...that makes my heart stop.

Tonight he rode Twister. He asked his trainer Ms Kelly if he could ride Lucky but she said her heart could not handle it. She was still having palpitations from his fall last night. She also bent over laughing when I told her what he said this morning.

Brushing down Twister getting him ready to be saddled.

Loving on Alley one of the barn cats.

Conversion

2012-01-14T18:46:00.002-06:00

As you may recall we got the boys a dog for Easter.

Our sweet Maizey has grown into 40+ lbs of love.

Before

After

She has spent most of her life outside in the backyard. She loves the outdoors and from time to time I bring her inside. She'll run to play with the boys for a while or trip me at my ever step before sitting at the backdoor whining to return outdoors.

Our weather has been relatively mild so far this winter but it will eventually get cold. We got our first dusting of snow last week and I decided it was time to fully convert Maizey to an inside dog.

She has cedar chips in her doghouse and would most likely be perfectly content to remain outside. I know she'd survive because she's...well she's a dog, but I do not like the idea of her being cold.

She sleeps each night inside but recently I have had her spend more time with us during the day. I believe she has adjusted well. She spends her days either at my feet waiting for some type of treat or lounging on the rug.

After a trip to the doggy resort for a bath and nail trim...I think we've converted her.

Redneck Son, Redneck Day

2012-01-11T12:42:00.002-06:00

As I've said before, Rogan is our redneck son. He tells me daily he's a cowboy and he's going to ride bulls. He asked today to go to the "cowboy" store which means the western wear store. The cowboy store and Tractor Supply are Rogan's mecca. In his world Toys R Us and Disney World play second fiddle.

Rogan became so excited in the parking lot it was everything I could do to keep him from running into traffic toward the front door. He was nearly hyperventilating as we walked inside. The next thing I heard was, "Ohhhhh mmmyyyyy gggggooooossssshhhhh Mommy!" He loves it all. The clothes, the boots, the hats, the toys. The store is his little slice of heaven.

He chose two Wrangler button down shirts one in red and one in camouflage complete with pearly snaps. Exactly what every real cowboy needs.

We tried on boots and he found a toy log cabin with hunters, pheasants, hunting dogs and turkeys. As we paid for his shirts and toy and walked toward the car he looked up at me and said, "boy Mommy that was fun".

A quick stop at Krispy Kreme for a donut, then home to try on his new shirts. He put on the red then said, "Mom check it out!"

That's all it takes to make my little redneck's day.

Perfect

2012-01-07T18:11:00.000-06:00

A very common adoption related question I am asked,

"how do you know what to accept in a birthmother"?

My answer is always the same. I repeat the words our adoption social worker told us when we began our first adoption journey nearly 7 years ago. When we asked the same question she answered simply,

"the perfect birth mother does not exist. If she did she would not be a birth mother".

Her advice has always stuck with me. It also put me in my place. I would not have been a perfect bio mother. I am not a perfect adoptive mother. I am a mom who does her best.

It is my belief we were meant to be adoptive parents. We were never meant to be bio parents. Adoption was our destiny and not a wrong turn in our life.

When it came time to check the box on the list of what we accept and do not accept in a birth mother we did our best not to judge. We tried to open our mind and be accepting. We knew what we were capable of and prepared for and in the end we followed our hearts.

Attempting to find the perfect birth mother does not ensure the perfect child. Our children's birth mothers had prenatal care. Drugs were not in our children's prenatal histories. Our children are not perfect.

We all have our issues. I know I have a few.

Pinned!

2012-01-07T17:47:00.003-06:00

I have discovered Pinterest. I am a newbie, building my boards and finding exciting things to pin. I am figuring it all out.

I can see Pinterest could become a problem. It's a wee bit addicting.

Pinterest has a little bit of anything and everything. One exciting thing I found today was me. My little blog had been pinned. I searched adoption and there it was...AM3 pinned 5 times. Someone, actually 5 someones thought my little blog was interesting enough to be pinned.

Thanks, I'm honored. I gotta say, I got pretty stoked about that.

I've been pinned.

Have a great weekend everyone! I'll be pinning!

Play Doh Mania

2012-01-06T18:28:00.002-06:00

Today

2012-01-05T16:45:00.001-06:00

It was a 68 degree January day today so we went to the zoo.

My monkey checking out the monkeys.

Luckily we brought our own map reading tour guide.

He has the turtle statue in a headlock.

At our favorite exhibit...the giraffes.

A zebra escaped it's enclosure while we were there perhaps they were thinking...hmmm what's for dinner?

She cannot explore the exhibits but making faces at mommy is a lot of fun.

Easy rider.

All aboard!!!

Rogan's backside and "come on Mom!" are the most common themes of our zoo trips.

The animals on her safari jumper are more her speed.

First Day

2012-01-04T17:33:00.001-06:00

Rogan and I both survived his first day of preschool. He was a little upset when he realized we would not be staying with him. The teacher showed him the playground and he never looked back. He introduced himself to the class and I was told he was not the least bit shy about the introduction. He stood when the class circled up on the carpet and said, "Hi! I'm Rogan!"

Brice was also glad to go back today after a few weeks off. We are back to our normal routine.

Happy New Year!

2012-01-02T09:00:00.001-06:00

The boys came home yesterday and our house is back to normal. Toys are everywhere and it's loud, very loud just how we like it. I imagine my parents slept well last night. The boys enjoyed themselves in Texas and my parents were even discussing another week with the boys this summer apparently they did not wear out their welcome. Soon little sister will be big enough to keep up and grandma and grandpa will really have their hands full.

Brian and I enjoyed the quiet and it was nice to have Avenn all alone for a while. She was definitely a little spoiled this last week as an only child.

Tomorrow is our last day to stay in our pj's a little too long. Wednesday we're back to an alarm clock and a routine. Rogan has decided he wants to start PreK a semester early. He has been begging us to go to school since Brice started last year. We are going to allow him to attend two half days a week down the road from our house at the Goddard School where Brice was last year. Rogan will be back next year for PreK because he is only 3 but it will make him happy to be able to go a couple days a week right now. We think the socialization and school structure will be good for him. Two of the kids off to school...what will I do with myself?!

I hope those of you that are waiting for your baby to come home become parents in 2012. We had hoped to start off this year without adoption on the brain. Unfortunately, we were unable to finalize Avenn's adoption by year end so we will continue working towards finalization. We will be unable to claim the adoption tax credit next year because we will not qualify. Our fees were paid in 2011 and we needed to finalize in 2011 to claim the credit. It stings that we will not be getting our tax refund of approximately $13,000 but we cannot dwell on the negative. We are thankful for Avenn and she was worth every penny spent and emotional up and down experienced. We have been blessed with three healthy children...nothing to complain about here.

If you need more information on the adoption tax credit and the changes that will be taking effect soon here are some helpful links:
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc607.html
http://taxes.about.com/od/deductionscredits/qt/adoptioncredit.htm
http://www.irs.gov/newsroom/article/0,,id=236174,00.html
http://www.creatingafamily.org/blog/adoption-domestic-adoption-international-adoption-embryo-adoption-foster-care-adoption/adoption-tax-credit-2011-2012/

Wrap It Up!

2011-12-27T16:57:00.005-06:00

Year end wrap up...

The Mitchells had another blessed year. Our family grew by one beautiful little girl in June. Avenn is such a blessing and sweet addition to our family. We were certainly meant to be a family of five.
I found out my blog is reaching people, I began receiving emails stating a family had been formed due to a post on my blog. My heart grew a little.
We went through a remodel, a busted washer resulting in a small flood, and another remodel.
Oklahoma experienced a blizzard in February creating a little cabin fever around here.
We took vacations to Disney World, Colorado, Branson and San Francisco.
My kid toting SUV was stolen right out of our driveway. It was later found totaled. The bad guys were never found but my car was replaced and we were back on the road.
Our oldest son started kindergarten and he began riding lessons.
Our three year old proclaimed he is a cowboy and he only wears boots. He has stuck by his proclamation.
Brian and I celebrated twelve years of marriage.
I continued to blog about all things adoption although my time for blogging has become very limited. Perhaps less is more?
Brian's firm celebrated two years of successful practice and he finalized several adoptions for local families.
We added another dog to our family. Sweet Maizey Lulu.

We still have our fingers crossed we will finalize Avenn's adoption by year end, although hope is fading. 2011 was a great year. Life is good for the Mitchells.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-10T18:26:00.003-06:00

The rest of this year will be spent enjoying my family instead of blogging.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Pictures!

2011-12-08T19:17:00.000-06:00

Holiday Gift Guide

2011-12-07T10:33:00.001-06:00

Adoptive Families' 2011 Holiday Gift Guide

Searching for perfect gifts this season? Get inspired here!
Adoptive Families' annual gift-giving directory presents a selection of heritage and adoption products from our sponsors.

Go to AdoptiveFamilies.com/holidaygifts to see AF's picks for gifts that give back to organizations benefiting kids worldwide.

New Camera

2011-12-01T19:22:00.001-06:00

My camera died. Actually, it still works every now and again but it has been dying a slow death for a little while now. We finally gave in and purchased a new one because I have three very good reasons to take a lot of photos. I decided on a Canon T2i which has many more capabilities than I have abilities.

I have spent the last week taking pictures around the house learning how to use my new camera. I hope to be somewhat capable by the time my husband and I sneak off for a few days to San Francisco.

Here are a few pictures of my ever so patient but starting to become annoyed by me family...

Where We're At...

2011-12-01T11:52:00.001-06:00

We are still attempting to get Avenn's adoption finalized before the end of the year. Oklahoma is not the most adoption friendly of states, at least that has been our experience here in Tulsa County. Unfortunately, we are going to have to resubmit our background checks for the state of Oklahoma. Our Oklahoma background checks expired in October. The statute requires the background checks to be current at the time of placement. Avenn was born in June so obviously ours were. Despite meeting the requirements of the state statute the judge decided he did not want to finalize an adoption with expired background checks. Today is the first day of December. Oklahoma background checks can possibly be done within 2 weeks. The judge has agreed to get us a court date by the end of the year if that is the case. Here's hoping...

Key Fobs & Adoption

2011-11-30T12:31:00.002-06:00

Erin from Dub Lane Designs is selling handmade key fobs. The adorable fobs are inexpensive ($10) and so handy. When our hands are full doing other things we have a difficult time digging for our keys. The key fob allows you to hang the keys from your wrist keeping your hands free. The greatest part about the key fobs...Erin, her husband Bryce and their handsome young son Kyah are preparing to add to their family via adoption. The money raised through Dub Lane Designs goes directly to their adoption fund. I ordered key fobs for Brice's teachers and riding instructor. They make great stocking stuffers and Christmas gifts. Check them out...click here!

I always love supporting adoption while Christmas shopping!

Happy Holidays!

2011-11-23T16:40:00.002-06:00

Each year I attempt to get a photo of the kids for a Christmas card and ornament. One year I even managed to get a photo of all of us together.

It is the grandparents' Christmas wish each year to receive a photo of their grandchildren together. Now that we are a family of five it is has become increasingly more difficult. Getting three small children to participate in a Christmas photo session is a monumental task. Today it went a little something like this...

I was able to get a few photos to actually use on a Christmas card and honestly I like photos like the above best. I mean really who wants to see our kids posed perfectly with fake smiles on their faces in perfect little outfits. Perfectly posed, neatly pressed, smiling innocently...that is not our kids.

The above is the real deal.

I cannot wait to send out our photo card this year.

Don't worry if you are not on our Christmas card exchange list I always post the picture on my blog too. You will not miss out on seeing our little sweet innocent angels.

Oh, I love it. This picture cracks me it.

Yep, those are our kids.

Just Pictures

2011-11-22T13:15:00.000-06:00

Waiting During the Holidays

2011-11-21T19:50:00.002-06:00

This is a post I did last year about this time and I felt it was worth reposting. Making patience your virtue during the holidays is easier said than done but is a goal worth setting. Happy holidays, please enjoy the season.

Waiting to adopt during the holidays can be especially difficult. It seems during this time of year everything centers around families and children. Everywhere you turn you are reminded, you are waiting to become a parent.

Here are a few tips:

1. Take a trip just the two of you. If you cannot handle all the baby talk and questions during the holidays get away from it. If you can afford it take a trip even if it is somewhere close to home.
2. Take care of each other. Often it is just as hard for your partner as it is for you during the holidays. Instead of letting the stress get to you and possibly causing arguments open the lines of communication and talk about it. You are going through this journey together learn to lean on each other.
3. Remind others you are waiting to adopt on your holiday a greeting card. It never hurts to gently remind people you are waiting and if they know of a birth parent looking to place their child they should contact you.
4. If you get the dreaded, "so when are you going to start your family?" or "any news on the adoption" be kind and simply say, "we are always hopeful and cannot wait to share our news when the time comes".
5. Keep a journal. Write down your feelings, your future child will appreciate reading about your anticipation and desire for their arrival someday.
6. Scope out your family events before you attend. If you are going to be surrounded by pregnancy and you do not think you will be able to handle it...skip out if you can. Perhaps you can explain to those closest to you who will hopefully understand.
7. Get support, join an adoption support group.
8. If you are going shopping over the holidays, avoid the baby section.

Listed below are the sources I used to develop this list and some are from my own experience. Check out the sources listed below for additional ideas and support.

http://library.adoption.com/articles/handling-the-holidays-.html
http://library.adoption.com/articles/the-waiting-game.html

National Adoption Day

2011-11-19T10:03:00.000-06:00

It's National Adoption Day! http://www.nationaladoptionday.org/

Latest Happenings

2011-11-16T17:56:00.001-06:00

Little Missy is 5 months old as of yesterday. She is getting big although I am not sure exactly how much she weighs because she has not been to the doctor in a month. She has outgrown all of her 0-3 mos and 3 mos clothing. She is not yet rolling over but will be soon. I believe we are starting to teeth although I cannot be sure. She drools nonstop and wants to chew on anything and everything. She recognizes our faces and definitely her bottle. She is able to grasp and hold items and bring them to her mouth. I have not started her on solid foods I generally wait until about 6 months of age. I might be a little bit biased but I am also certain she continues to get prettier everyday.

Getting older but not any prettier...me! Today was Anna day and those who know me know I am very obnoxious about my birthday. I am not fearful of getting older and I say bring on 35! It's my day and I want you to know it.

I had a pretty great day despite not feeling the best. Crazy weather in Oklahoma freezing temperatures one day and spring like temperatures the next have wreaked havoc on our sinuses.

We had electricians here most of the day today installing outdoor outlets for Christmastime. Clark W. Griswold (a.k.a my dear husband Brian) can get a little carried away with his outdoor holiday illumination. You may remember last year his lighting display used so much electrical energy that I caused a minor blackout by turning on the television and running the vacuum cleaner. After last year's power surges and blown fuses I made him promise he would have additional outlets installed. Of course my request was not met with much resistance because it means more power! Great. Looking forward to this year's lights. Hoping no small planes attempt to land in our front yard. Stay tuned.