Adoptive Parenting Blog

Crazy Love Fest

Renee E — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 14:15:00 +0000

A disclaimer for this post: I do understand that there are many types of parenting relationships. There are same-sex parents, single parents, married parents, separated parents, and others. For simplicity, I will refer to marriage in this post when talking about the parenting relationship.

Challenges in a marriage will either make a couple stronger or tear them apart. Children who have emotional struggles due to past experiences are a challenge to a marriage. Sometimes kids will directly attack the marriage relationship, attempting to divide and conquer. Sometimes it is merely... more

Meds, Meds, and More Meds...What to Do When Your Child is Over-Medicated

Renee E — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 16:00:00 +0000

****I'd like to preface this post by saying that I am NOT a medical professional and do not offer this information as a hard and fast rule for all children. Please speak with your medical professionals before changing any medications for your child.****

Hubby and I have very strong feelings about medicating our children. Often, in the foster care system, kids end up with multiple diagnoses and their corresponding medications because no one really wanted to deal with the root of their behaviors. It is much easier to medicate a child into submission than it is to dig deep and help a... more

Responsibility

Renee E — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 14:15:00 +0000

There comes a time in the life of every parent, adoptive or otherwise, where it is necessary to let a child spread his wings. In the case of an older adopted child, that moment can be harder that one would think.

My son, T, has been begging to be allowed to walk home from school by himself. He is twelve years old and in the sixth grade so this request shouldn't seem shocking. But, I have only been T's mom for a year and a half. I am not ready for him to be doing anything by himself. Our house is close to a mile from T's school. It is on the same street so he doesn't have to... more

I'd Be Better Off Living In A Dumpster

Renee E — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 14:15:00 +0000

At this very moment our son is in the middle of a very dramatic fit which, so far, has included begging, screaming, accusations, and the lovely "I'd be better off living in a dumpster." The rage that flows from this child is astonishing.

Over the course of the weekend Z threw a record number of tantrums including one where he put his fist through his bedroom window. He is so angry and carries that anger with him every moment of every day. He is frustrated with his situation and he is afraid of what the future will bring. He cannot trust and he is fighting with all his might for... more

The Visitation Stage

Renee E — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 14:30:00 +0000

If you choose adoption through your state's foster care system there will inevitably be a period of visitation with your child before you finally get to take him home. During this time, you have scheduled visits with your child. You pick him up at his foster home and he spends a predetermined amount of time with you. Then you return him to his foster home until the next time you are scheduled to visit. Parenting a child through foster adoption begins at visitation.

I've found this stage of foster adoption to be one of the most difficult times for me as a mom. When we adopt, my children... more

Temper Tantrums

Renee E — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 22:39:19 +0000

Our son Z is nine years old but really, emotionally, he is four. Confusing I know, but it is reality of raising a child who has been emotionally stunted by his past. Z can throw a tantrum unlike any child I have ever seen. In fact, I hope I never see another child throw a "Z Tantrum". Nothing about his behavior would indicate that he has graced the earth with his presence for a solid nine years. Z has thrown these fits since the beginning. Unlike T, Z never had a honeymoon period. His behaviors cropped up on his very first overnight visit. I have seen him throw tantrum after tantrum but... more

Chatterbox

Renee E — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 14:15:00 +0000

One of our sons, Z, has been diagnosed with ODD, otherwise known as Oppositional Defiant Disorder. It sounds as frustrating as it is. One of the diagnostic symptoms is "often deliberately annoys people". Man, is that the truth! Z will find the thing that drives you the most crazy and then he'll do it as often as possible. He has many ways in which he acts out this particular behavior but his predominant method is talking. Z is always talking. T says that Z even talks in his sleep. He talks when we are talking and when we aren't. He talks when the tv is on and when I'm on the... more

Triggers

Marie Stroughter — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 06:50:27 +0000

This week marks a milestone for my children: their birthmother’s birthday. We have an open adoption by mutual request, thus, I have the kids make something and we send it off.

My daughter seemed particularly sad this year as we created our gifts. I asked her about it, and her eyes welled with tears. She said she missed her birth mother. Now, I’m not at all competitive with her birthmother, but I questioned this a bit. Whereas my daughter does recall certain fairly catastrophic events in her childhood, and has the Post... more

Choosing Child Care: Quality Programs – Programmatic Concerns

Marie Stroughter — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 06:29:00 +0000

Part three of our Choosing Quality Child Care series will discuss how to assess the program portion of the child care setting:

Contracts: Is there a contract that clearly spells out policies, procedures, fees, and expectations?

Predictable routines: Not a rigid schedule (0800 report for snack!), but rather can children generally know what to expect? For example, naptime comes after lunch every day, and outdoor... more

Choosing Child Care: Quality Programs – Health and Safety

Marie Stroughter — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 06:54:14 +0000

Yesterday’s post dealt with the various options available to adoptive parents seeking to place their children in child care settings. Today’s post will address what to look for in a program and assess its fir for your child.

Whether in a traditional Child Care Center or a home-based Family Child Care program, indicators of a quality program will include the following:

Low caregiver to child ratios: This number will vary from state... more