There has been a great deal of happiness in my life recently. I am so unbelievably grateful for these sources of joy. And all I want to do is just shout it to everyone I meet, all these things that have brought this happiness.

I can’t mention all of them, but here are a few things that have brought me joy lately…

• Early morning quiet time
• Going for walks, either alone or with a friend
• Hugs & hi-fives from fans (who don’t care that I’m just the merch girl)
• Kitty cuddles
• Visiting with D.D.
• Wedding updates from R.
• Whiskey & Ginger Ale (thanks Jessica!)
• “Home”-made green smoothies from that place in Detroit
• Cheer skirts, tube socks, and blackout chuck taylors
• Seeing my friends play some absolutely amazing venues/theaters
• T. & V., for helping me get through some not-so-happy times
• Late night giggles in hotel rooms, homestays, bars, and/or the bus
• Bus For Life
• Mucca. Mucca mucca mucca mucca mucca. Mucca.
• Being called beautiful
• THIS VIDEO:

*I got to see this a week or so ago, and couldn’t stop smiling and giggling. This video makes me unbelievably happy and I’m so excited I FINALLY get to share it with everyone! (You can read about it here, on NPR’s All Songs Considered Blog.) I think I’m sort of addicted to this video. Can’t stop watching it. (Even overtook a class just so I could see it on the big screen…)

There are definitely more, and some that aren’t quite so small… but I’m just happy. It’s the kind of happiness that makes you believe you can get through anything. It makes things like diseases or bad days just not matter as much. I know it won’t last forever, but I’m going to bask in this for as long as I can.

I wish I could share all of this happiness and what’s making me so happy with you, but some of it I’m going to just keep to myself. As someone who’s spent the last… 11 years? sharing almost every aspect of myself online… it’s nice to have something wonderful that’s all mine.

Anyway. Cheers to the small things, and the not so small ones.

Feel free to grab the image, share your own joys.

This past week brought me back from DC and amazing shows at the Lincoln Theater and Kennedy Center, to more amazing shows at the Filmore in Detroit and the Auditorium Theater here in Chicago. Both with Andrew Bird.

Pretty sure this was my first time in Detroit. It really wasn’t too far off from how I pictured it–though, I will say we were in nicer parts of town. The fans that we met were super nice though. As were our hosts from the Detroit Party Marching Band. (And also the folks at the Avalon Bakery and their neighbors with the amazing green smoothies!)

I ended up “getting stuck” in the city overnight. I was supposed to go home, but well, when both cars going back wanted to leave before I was able to leave, it meant I stayed. Given that this is how I was introduced to Avalon Bakery, I’m not too sad. I still have half a loaf of (very tasty) brioche at home.

Saturday morning, the band and I celebrated the 100th birthday of Chicago author, Studs Terkel. It may have been raining, but that didn’t stop us from having a good time.

Afterwards I got to have lunch with an amazing person I don’t get to see very often. I can’t even remember when I first met Dan, or what tour we connected on… but I just know whenever we see each other now, we just light up and give each other the biggest hug ever. It’s pretty awesome. We have some plans we’re going to collaborate on, which I’m excited about.

Saturday night really was the highlight of the week. The Bird show was amazing. And I’m not just talking the music–though both Mucca and Andrew Bird were great. I got to meet so many amazing fans. I toot the Mucca Pazza horn a lot–y’all know I love them–but they seriously are quite the sight to see and band to experience.

Drinks with another really awesome person topped the evening off, and I really can’t think of a better way to end my week. I just can’t stop smiling.

Cue dance party…

This week I’m off to Indiana to spend some time with my family before heading to Ohio with Mucca for the Nelsonville Fest. Looking forward to yet another amazing weekend.

How was your week, and what are you looking forward to?

And the exhaustion keeps on coming! At least the happy is going full-throttle right next to it.

We just got back from DC–and it was a great trip! Good performances, good crowds, and just good times all around. This was really my first time in DC. The other didn’t quite count as we were just there only to pick up my brother from an emergency appendectomy and didn’t really get into the city. Can I just say, it’s weird being in a big city without any tall buildings. The shortness of the city really just weirded me out for a while. Maybe it was just the area we were in–Foggy Bottom–but it didn’t feel that urban to me.

But the city was still beautiful with all the parks and the river… I can get over the shortness and that for as many bikers as they have NONE of them give courtesy to walkers. (Seriously, a little “on your left/right” goes a long way.)  Anyway. It was nice getting to see the sites. No matter when I went to bed (generally sometime between 2:30-3:30am), I still woke up at 5:30 and ended up just getting out of bed by 6am. Which was sort of nice. On our first night in Breezewood, PA it meant a beautiful view and a 3 hour breakfast on the roof patio… In DC it meant walking around and seeing the monuments by myself. (I love Mucca, but there’s 30+ of us and I need my quiet time…)

*J Funky, also a member of the early risers club, took this great panoramic pic from breakfast. Click to enlarge.

I’ve got a lot of great memories of the trip… and really no time to reflect! Class tonight, prepping the merch tomorrow, and then on the road again on Thursday!

You can check out Mucca Pazza’s performance from the Kennedy Center here. (Starts at about minute 37.)

DC, thanks for the fun trip and hordes of ducklings!

*Seriously. SO MANY DUCKLINGS, DC. (And non-Ryan Goslings.)
**The first panoramic pic J took, I looked like a Zombie. So I’m okay with the goofball look on this one.
***We’ll be back in DC on June 16th for Tour de Fat. Come out and say hi! 

I think I’ve entered a weird time warp where all of a sudden everything moves too fast without you knowing and then all of a sudden it’s three weeks later.

Keeping so busy means that time is just flying.

It also means I’m exhausted.

But there’s just so much good and happy. So I don’t really mind the exhaustion or the time flying. I just don’t notice how quickly time goes until everything’s done and I can sit for a bit.

We had some changes on the admin with 20sb, and so now I’ve got a bit more responsibility and there’s a lot going on behind the scenes! I’m excited about it all and really happy to be on a team with some amazing ladies.

Season’s Geekings sort of faded a bit as things got crazy… but we’re still doing private runs. Which included a couple of postcards for BiSC. So those are off at the printer and will be on their way to Vegas.

Mucca Pazza has a new album coming out June 12th, and I got to put together a postcard for the presale. (Which you should totally buy because it has free shipping, a introductory sale price, and comes with this amazing poster by Kathleen Judge.)

Mucca Pazza also has a lot of touring going on… like DC this weekend! 3 shows in 2 days. It’s going to be kind of crazy, but I love it. Plus, I’m prepared with food and snacks for the road. No more travel fast food junk for me! Yay Trader Joe’s peanut butter filled pretzels!

Writing class is still going well. In fact, my current story is being really well received. I was told to make it a novel. We’ll see where it goes, but it’s been a long time since I felt this good about a story. I know I made the right choice about attending U of Chicago’s Graham School. Whether my story ends up 20 pages or a full novel, I’m happy with what I’m doing.

I’m joining up with a designer I respect, a former instructor that really pushed me, on a freelance project. It’s not huge, but it’s something. I’m happy to be helping out a friend. Honestly I wasn’t sure if I wanted to pick up any more freelance web gigs for the time being. But I’m glad I did.

In really, really big news… We won a Webby! We won Best School/University site. It’s a huge honor to be nominated, and we were for two categories. We didn’t win any People’s Voice… but yeah, we won the actual Webby. Something I worked on, won a very prestigious web award. And I couldn’t be more excited. (And having my mom brag about me on facebook is just awesome.)

I still have errands to run. I need to go to Target, and probably REI before we leave on Friday… I’ve got stories to read for class. I’ve got a lot of writing to do. But for right now, I’m going to figure out a simple dinner, watch Lost on Netflix, and enjoy some cuddles with my kitties.

Holy wow this week went fast!

Monday: I barely remember it. Seriously. I think I did some of my reading for class. But I honestly couldn’t tell you what I wore or even what I had for lunch, or if I came home right after work.

Edit: Scratch that. I remember now. I launched Savvy Spork. It’s been such a crazy week it feels like I did that ages ago, and not just on Monday.

Tuesday: Class went well. I had a momentary lapse where I wasn’t sure if class started at 6 or 6:30–mainly because I just head over after work, it’s only a few blocks. And then everyone was running a little late. (It starts at 6. Always has.) But yes, class went well. I didn’t turn in any writing over the weekend, so we just worked on my two classmates’ stories and discussed a couple pieces by John Updike and Anton Chekov.

I also had my midterm meeting with the instructor. That too went well. She was concerned about making sure I get what I need out of the program… and I told her this has been a great experience thus far. She told me not to doubt my skills as a writer, and that others had applied for this term, but I was the only one selected. That all the instructors had read my work and were confident in having me join my classmates who are both nearly finished with the program. (Yeah, talk about wow.)

Wednesday: Reading Band finally met, and we actually had enough people to play. Although by now it’s been a while since I played, so man was I out of shape. It wasn’t too bad, though. But my embouchure wasn’t as strong as it used to be… and well, my fingers still hurt. I’m pretty sure that I’m going to stop playing. I’ll keep helping them out with the organizing and such, but I’ve got to focus on my writing. I’m going to wait until the fall to take a sabbatical from my horn, though.

Thursday: I had lunch at my favorite Irish Pub near work (right next door actually) with one of the instructors. It was nice to finally spend my lunch break away from my desk–first time in months. Then I popped in on the portfolio debut–my former classmates have some amazing work. After work, I was so happy to spend the evening at home I just watched some Netflix and went to bed.

Friday: Work was fairly quite, though I did learn that a large soda at Panda Express is MASSIVE. I also talked to my dad and stepmom, found out more about my Grandfather’s (failing) condition. And now I’m trying to plan another visit back home. I also called my brother, and he said he might take a day off when I visit so we could hang out. And we’re going to attempt to get my cousin to come over to I can play with/meet his pitbull.

Writing it all down it doesn’t seem like the overwhelming and exhausting week that it felt. I’m still tired, my wrist and fingers still hurt. I’ve got a story to turn in tomorrow morning, post cards to finalize for BiSC, and miscellaneous errands to get done before next weekend’s trip to DC. Hopefully I can get a decent amount done this weekend so I can treat myself to some Latin jazz on Sunday–one of my friends is playing in the neighborhood, so I’d like to check it out.

Anyway. How was your week?

I relearned a lesson over this weekend:

One of the many things that happened this weekend was that I dehydrated myself. Again.

And this was after so proudly telling my friend Jacob about I was doing so much better with eating more healthily and even drinking more water… and yep, spoke too soon.

I’m an adult. I can make myself responsible for drinking more water. Because there’s no way we’re adding “Make sure Erini drinks water” to our tour list.

Hooray for today being my Friday!

Tomorrow, in my mind at least, is the start of tour season with Mucca Pazza. And we’re kicking things off in St. Louis at the Firebird. Then we’ve got a number of shows out east for the next couple months. (Which you can find out about here. Or here. Or here.)

I’m bouncing up and down in my seat–which is pretty fun actually, since our office chairs are those bungie kind. I’m running over a list in my head making sure I remember to pack everything I need tomorrow. It’s just an overnight trip, so I don’t need much… but I want to make sure I’ve got what I need for during the show (my Square card reader, Field Notes, markers, pens…) and it’s a 5-6 hour trip on our little tour bus, so I want to stay a little entertained.

I’m getting my prescription refilled tonight, and even picking up some dry shampoo for this summer. Yesterday I damn near tried to buy out REI. But I stuck with my plan and only got my stupidly expensive pool raft sleeping pad. And a travel towel. And a fleece blanket that was on clearance. But nothing else! For now.

Everything Mucca is just exciting and happy right now. The Chicago premiere of their film, Fanfare for Marching Band went amazing. They just wrapped up filming a music video. And the new album is coming out the day before my birthday. It’s just a lot of good things right now and I’m happy to be a small part of it.

… And I absolutely cannot wait to get on the road tomorrow! Is it Friday morning yet?

Lastly, check out the preview for Mucca’s new album, Safety Fifth, which I love every song, but definitely Rabbits & Trees and Boss Taurus have been the ones stuck in my head more days than not (though I had Monster Tango in my head this morning)…

All photos by C.B. Lindsey

So I had this post all written out… and then couldn’t post it.

Not due to any technical errors. Just me. I wasn’t (and still am not) ready for it.

So instead you get these beautiful pictures my cousin Matt took. They’re all from Indiana. That flat endless suburbs and farmland can actually look real pretty some times…

Seriously. Rural Indiana can be freaking gorgeous.

This week has been a week.

I had a lot on my mind, and various personal and emotion things that I’d been dealing with… and at least one of them came to the surface…

But then I was hit again and again with all these good things. So though I had serious things on my mind, I was just extremely happy. It was a little odd, but you know, I’m going to call this a good week.

♦ I found out that one of the sites I helped build has been nominated for 2 Webby Awards. This is just awesome. We’re up for Best University/School Site and Best Use of Video. (And you can vote for us here!) … Unless you work in the web, you might not know what the Webby Awards are, but, well, they’ve been called “the Oscars of the Internet”. Yeah. This is big. And Awesome.

♦ My first real writing workshop for class went super well. Wasn’t intimidating, which I really credit our instructor as well as my two classmates for that. And, well, my piece was good. It was not only received well, but my instructor said I was very successful. I left class feeling like my life was going in the right direction.

♦ My friend BRHischier and I have decided to hold each other accountable with our writing. He’s finished writing a series of novels, which he’s now taking and editing. But he also is doing poetry too. So, he’s in the midst of a lot of submissions and is helping me get started with my own journey into this crazy world. Mostly I’m going to attempt some writing contests and smaller journals. If I’m going to integrate writing into my career/life, I need to get used to this process.

♦ Fanfare for Marching Band premiered in Chicago last night. This is the film Mucca Pazza made last year with director Danièle Wilmouth and choreographer Peter Carpenter. Saying “it’s amazing” doesn’t really capture it right. I loved every moment of it, and am so proud of my friends. I was smiling ear to ear the entire film. (I even found myself in the film!) And of course, Mucca ended the night with an amazing and crazy energy-filled live performance. I’m so excited about our upcoming tours. (and the new cd!)

So. Despite all the other stuff going on… I’m good. As good as I can be, and in some areas I’m stellar. Over all, things feel all right.

I feel like I am a terrible friend. Especially as of late. I should probably be sending this as a personalized letter to each and every one of you, but instead I’m making it completely public.

I have a hard time feeling close to people. Which, is odd, given how open I generally am with everything going on with my life. I feel like I have a lot of friends. A lot of really good friends. And these friends are amazing people. But at some point I close off, and hide away. I never really allow myself to get to that “best friends” point. I plateau, and eventually have a hard time being that friend you call up to hang out with on a regular basis.

I have a hard time acknowledging it. An even harder time knowing how to deal with it. I want to be that person you call just for the hell of it. I want to be the friend you think of first when you want to hang out. Because these are things I think about a lot. Situations pop up and this is when I’d call someone to talk about it, but I go blank and stiff and push the idea out of my head.

I’m afraid of letting people see the real me. The person who’s creative, and weird, and not always okay, but genuinely generally really happy, and caring, and did I mention a little weird… I hate that past scars are keeping me from fully developing meaningful friendships and relationships. I turn inward into my emotions and bury myself so deep into this strange world that is my mind, and I hide from everyone. I’m afraid of not being seen as normal, or functioning. I process things different, see things differently–and as much as I try to tell myself these are good things, these things make me who I am–I see myself as flawed and broken, and alone.

It’s as if my friendships have shelf-lives, destine to expire. But as I gotten to know you, this group of friends, I’m terrified by this. Even though I close myself off, I don’t reach out, and honestly, am not always sure how to be a good friend–I see some of you as my family. You’re people I’ve come to care too much about, people I want to invest in. And I’m terrified that by closing myself off, that by not knowing how to be there for you and how to be a good friend for you, that I will ultimately lose you.

My natural reaction is to just keep going deeper and deeper into myself, to continue closing myself off. But I can’t. I want to be there for you. I want to call and say “let’s hang out”. I want to have amazing memories of adventures, of running around the city, of just hanging out and watching movies. I want to be that friend that comes over just to watch a movie! The one you call because you’re bored and just want to chat, even if I’m more awkward than not about phone calls.

So I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being such a terrible friend. I’m sorry for running away, for hiding alone with my cats. I’m sorry I’m not more.

I truly do care for you. And I want to try.

-Erini