Adventured Nerd.

Oscar High-Holy Week

2011-03-01T13:54:00.000-05:00

Hello members of the Academy. Not that Academy. The beautiful, big breasted, wonderful personality Academy.

Oscar season is over for the year and the winners are: MOSTLY UNDESERVING AS USUAL. I don't want to get into any specifics but I wasn't happy with all the winners (congrats Nat-Po, you wonderful lady!)

No, to me, the best part about the entire ceremony wasn't the awkwardness of James Franco or that lady that dropped the "Fuck bomb". No it was Steve Martin.Or rather, Steve Martin's Twitter account (@SteveMartinToGo)

Steve Martin came up with this idea that the week before the Oscars plays out like Lent or Hanukkah for celebrities. He's been posting the rituals a famous person does all week long to prepare for the exciting night.

Sunday-
Oscar Palm Sunday: The Triumphal entry of celebrities past regular diners at the Palm steakhouse.

At 6pm PST, starting overnight caviar on toast-points fast, giving up capers and diced hard-boiled egg yolk condiments.

Monday-
Oscar Holy Monday: The Ceremony of the Borrowing of the Jewels.

Tuesday-
Oscar Holy Tuesday: The Holy Reading of Bad Reviews of Movie Classics.

Oscar Holy Tuesday Afternoon: The Holy Reading of Rave Reviews of Movies Never Seen Again.
Wednesday-
Oscar Holy Wednesday: The Coveting of the Nomination
Oscar Holy Wednesday: The Ritual of the Scuffing of Soles of New Shoes to Prevent Slipping.
Thursday-
Oscar Holy Thursday: The Holy Reading of Presenters’ Banter from Oscars Past
Friday-

Oscar Holy Friday: The Holy Reading of the Grosses (On the first weekend, E.T. did take in….).

Oscar Holy Good - But We're Going to Have to Pass - Friday.
Saturday-
Oscar Holy Saturday: The Sacrifice of the Virgins. Oh wait, that takes place all through the year.

Oscar Holy Saturday: The Ritual of the Purchasing of the Purell

Oscar Holy Saturday: Man-Waxing

Oscar Holy Saturday: The Casting of the Seat Fillers.

Sunday- Day of the Osacar's

Oscar Holy Sunday: Today you are forbidden to drive yourself.

Oscar Holy Sunday: The Ritual of the Wedging of the Spanks.

Oscar Holy Sunday: The Ritual Thanking of the Lord for Helping One Win and For Not Helping the Other Nominees.=========================================

I truly believe that not only do some people treat this over hyped ceremony like it was a religious event, but that some people do the exact things he's saying, no matter how ridiculous it sounds. So, thanks Steve, for giving me one good reason to be excited about the Oscars day to day.

On a side note.... BANKSY WAS FUCKING ROBBED GO SEE EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP!!

NEW VIDEO: The DRUNKEST Birthday pt3 "HAMERICA"

2011-02-09T19:36:00.000-05:00

We did it!!! The exciting conclusion to "The DRUNKEST Birthday" series is here!!! What will happen? I'll give you a hint, it's a lot like the conclusion to LOST. Whatever that means....

Podcast of the time "Nerdist Podcast"

2011-02-09T03:36:00.000-05:00

I couldn't promise to bring this to you guys every week/month/whatever so I'll just try to remember as best I can.

I've really been getting into Podcasts over the last year or so. They are great to listen to while you work out, drive, or just have some time to kill and want to laugh. There are a million and a half Podcasts out there about a million and a half things, but I find that comedy Podcasts are the best.

This time I'm giving my Podcast award thingy to Chris Hardwick and his crew at The Nerdist Podcast. Not only do they get every reference known to man, but they are all actually great interviewers. Chris Hardwick worked for MTV in the 90's and then floated around the comedy world and having a hand in making G4 funny whenever he was on, until forming Nerdist and helping jump start the "The Great Podcast Rush of the late early 2000's". I'm sure you can realize why such a catchy name never took off. Be warned though, the title says it all. It is nerdy. Very nerdy. Some would say that's a very good thing and other might not. Although, I don't know why you would be here if the word "Nerd" turned you off. (unless you are one of my relatives...Hi Daniel!!!)

Here are some of the best episodes:
Episode 5 Jon Hamm
Episode 11 Eugene Mirman
Episode 13 THE (fucking) MUPPETS
Episode 36 Donald Glover
Episode 49 Billy West

Also there are many scattered live episodes that bring on an entirely new element to the mix. From the cast of Mythbusters to David Koechner and Tom Kenny to Fred Willard and Craig Ferguson.

This is also a really great Podcast to listen to if you are a fledgling comedian. Chris and his guests usually have some great insight into the entertainment industry and mastering your craft, whatever that may be. So congrats, Nerdist Podcast! And enjoy YOUR burrito.

If I Did It... Dark Knight Rises and Superman: Man of Steel

2011-02-02T18:02:00.000-05:00

Hello you beautiful bastards,

Mike here with another edition of "If I Did It..." This time we will discuss if I was in the very rare role that Chris Nolan is in right now. He will be directing his third, and most likely last, Batman film this year as well as having a huge hand in helping save the Superman movie franchise. He won't be directing the latter though, that role will be filled by Zack Snyder. Which means we can expect a visually stunning and more than likely darker toned version of Superman.

Now, if I did it, I would use this opportunity (making both movies) to end the Batman story and begin the Superman story together. I would have a cross over, thus rivaling the impending surge from Marvel once The Avengers comes out. It seems like there will almost never be a Justice League movie so this is D.C's best bet for any kind of a big cross-over.

So, let's start with The Dark Knight Rises. They are bringing in a lot of different characters in this one, from Selina Kyle AKA Catwoman and Bane to the possible return of Harvey Dent and Joseph Gordan-Levitt in an unnamed role. The story should follow Batman after the "death" of Harvey Dent there is a manhunt for him by the authorities for suspicion in that death. While Batman deals with that and Bruce Wayne dealing with a deepening depression over the events of the last film and the rapid decay of the city he is supposed to be protecting. More and more criminals are beginning to dress up and run amok after being inspired by the lunacy of the Joker. This brings in the teaming up of Catwoman and Bane.

Trying to deal with that Batman acquires a new ally in Joseph Gordan-Levitt. Now one of two things could work out. Either, Levitt can play Dick Grayson and become Nightwing, help Batman in this movie and come back in later movies or he can take on the role of Edward Nigma AKA The Riddler. If he were to play Nigma he could befriend Batman at first and design him new toys and eventually fuck him over and become the Riddler out of hate for the Bat. I'd personally rather see him in the Nightwing role so that he will one day have his own spin off or in the very least show up in future movies.

So, as more and more costumed lunatics roam the city, the police hunt for Batman becomes a lot more heated, as everyone is blaming Batman for the fall of Gotham. They eventually call in the help of BUM BUM BUM Superman to bring the Caped Crusader to justice. I know Nolan has stated he wants to keep his Batman universe real, hence why no one has any kind of superpower or crazy machines to wreak havoc with. But, I believe you could still keep this rule true in a way by having Superman play almost a silent, faceless character up until the final battle between the two. Which, will be badass.

The fight would start as Superman is walking the streets of a Gotham destroyed. After a battle with Bane and any other villains by the end of the flick the city is pretty much in ruins from riots during an earlier blackout caused by an EMP being set off. Superman is calling out Batman, by name, demanding he show his face. Then, under Superman's feet there starts a rumbling and grinding noise as a giant tank-like Batmobile comes crashing out of the earth hitting Superman. Batman is inside and unleashes a barrage of powerful missals and explosions at him. As the dust settles, and Batman gets out of the Tank in an "Iron Man" like Batsuit, we see that Superman is bleeding and actually hurt. Batman reveals he has figured out a way to make fake Kryptonite, which is almost chemically sound to the real stuff. Batman begins to really pummel Superman all the while telling him how he is a joke, and just an errand boy to the government. Batman explains that if Superman had helped him they could have saved a lot of people but now they both will die. Superman is confused until Batman reveals that he has taken a pill that will stop his heart any minute now. Batman takes out a dagger made of the fake Kryptonite and attempts to stab it into Superman's stomach but before he can get deep enough to kill him, he passes out on top of Superman and with his last dying breath, tells him "I want you to remember the one man who beat you."

Then ending would be Superman joining Batman's side and fighting against the new oppressive US government that use to control him. And Superman talking about how he doesn't have to fight alone anymore.

Now, admittedly I am not a Superman fan but if done right, he has the potential to be a much deeper and three dimensional character than earlier incarnations. The Superman flick would basically follow the storyline of him finding other heroes to team up with and fight against President Lex Luthor and his secret adviser, Brainiac.

Now, I'm sure both of these movies, whether or not they use my storyline, will make a couple hundred million dollars each. But, if Nolan and crew heed my advice, well then they will all be making Avatar money.

Jon Daly

2011-01-30T14:27:00.001-05:00

Hello comedy nerds!

Mike here, and today I've brought with me a couple of videos from seasoned comedian Jon Daly. Jon has been in the comedy game for quite some time. He has been on Human Giant and pioneered long form improv with groups like MOTHER and Mr. A$$. He is a regular on Comedy Death Ray Radio with Scott Aukerman playing my all time favorite character, "Bill Cosby-Bukowski". Check out this video from FunnyorDie

BillCosby Bukowski from Jon Daly

And one he did with Rob Huebel and Steve Agee called "Human Centipede Anonymous"

Human Centipede Anonymous from Jon Daly

There you have it folks. More laughs than you can shake your dick at. Or vaginas......whatever....

NEW VIDEO: BLOOPERS

2011-01-23T17:38:00.000-05:00

Hello you 24 hour Party People,

(good flick by the way) I am here to present to you what happens when you have an open weekday, old Halloween costumes, and no electricity. Please enoy BLOOPERS:

Zachary Quinto presents FOREFATHERS

2011-01-23T11:55:00.000-05:00

Hello friends,
I've been hard at work to scrounge up the best comedy the interweb has to offer. You guys all remember that ill-fated show "Heroes", right? Well the main bad guy (and possibly one of the only good characters from that show) was Sylar, who could steal any power away from a superhuman and use it himself. Blah Blah Blah.

The real reason I'm bringing this up to you is because Zach (we are close friends so I can call him Zach) made all these hilarious short films with a team called PERIODS. It seems their forte' is taking period pieces and giving them some modern dialogue and even more modern characters. Check out this video entitled FOREFATHERS:

But, possibly the cream of the crop is an ongoing series called BEFORE/AFTER. Where Zach and the always hilarious Philip Quinaz show you what happens before and after an event in life. Part one of this series can be found (not) here at Funny or Die:

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/ccb4a04623/periods-presents-before-after-w-zachary-quinto
As always, enjoy and if you like these videos give them a comment or a thumbs up or send naked pictures of yourself to whoever had a hand in making it. That's what I do when I like something.

The Drunkest Birthday pt2: "There's Cheesecake!"

2011-01-13T15:45:00.000-05:00

Hello friends. Mike here with the second part of our very exciting series "The Drunkest Birthday" starring my fat friend Colin. Here we see him attempt to eat cheesecake, fairly successfully. We also find out the cause to all of this senseless self destruction: adoption! Enjoy, you mild mannered reporters!

Wow.... well stay tuned for Part 3 "Hamerica" coming very soon, exclusively to Adventured Nerd!

If I Did It... Ghostbusters III

2011-01-12T19:15:00.000-05:00

It's New Years Eve 2011 and the film opens up at a party of college age kids. Everyone is exited about the countdown that will commence any minute, except one kid in the corner on his computer. From a distance, we see a pretty girl talking to her friends and noticing the boy form afar. She approaches him and asks what he is reading about on his laptop. "Ghosts" he says. "Supposedly, the world is going to end at the end of next year and this says it will be brought upon by paranormal beings, or ghosts." They smile at each other during a brief awkward second and just as he is about to ask her out, she thanks him and walks back to her friends. He hears her laughing at him saying something about a bet she made with her friends over what kind of nerd he was (i,e comic book nerd, WOW nerd, etc.). Then, as the midnight countdown begins the angry young man storms out of the house and begins walking home. Right at midnight as everyone cheers, all the power in the house goes out and when everyone one by one flicks their cell phone lights on, we see a bunch of ghosts popping up scaring the shit out of everyone at the party. OPENING CREDITS.

The basic story is about the kid at the party, Jimmy Tully (son of Louis and Janine Melnitz-Tully and godson to Peter Venkman) and Dana Barrett's son Oscar. They learn about a book that has foretold the ending of the world and a bunch of other thought to be natural disasters or accidents that have occurred throughout history. They locate Ray and Egon and tell them about the book. Egon tells them how they've known of it's existence for some time but could never find it. After the murder of Peter Venkman they spent all their money on investigating it for years.

Ray and Egon give them all the equipment since they are sure none of it still works. Then while messing around with one of the "Traps" it suddenly bursts open to reveal the ghost of Peter Venkman. Peter tells them how one night he heard a strange sound underneath the old firehouse, and while he was investigating he was murdered by a ghost. Then his body was thrown into the street and made to look like a mugging gone wrong. Then he decided to mess with Egon and Ray one night, but scares them too bad and they put him in the trap and forgot about it, because "they're old." Now that Peter is free he says goodbye to them and thanks them, since he can now rest in peace. Later, we see him attempt to scare Egon and Ray one more time but accidentally kills both of them in the process.

The two kids travel to NYC and find the old firehouse which is now an IKEA like store. They find a manhole nearby and descend. Underground they find an abandoned subway line which used to house a river of slime (like in the second movie). They battle through some ghosts with new and improved weapons, but as they get farther down the tunnel, the temperature begins to rise which is weird because it's December in New York. As they heat rises and the monsters get more dangerous the world is being more and more over run with paranormal beings. Just as they reach the location of the book (the center of all the psychokinetic and paranormal energy) they have to fight what appears to be the devil. A towering horned creature who breathes fire and cannot be sucked into the Trap.

After defeating him and destroying the book with the help of Peter, Ray and Egon, Jimmy and Oscar venture up to the streets to tell everyone that the only way to keep the paranormal activity down is to stay positive and only emit positive energy all the time. They both know this is a lie, but it wouldn't hurt anything either. They open up a new Ghostbusters in the city and the movie ends with someone coming in out of the pouring rain and simply saying "I need your help..." The camera pulls away from the group and out a window to reveal the look of the new Ghostbusters building.

THE END...?

PS- We gotta throw Winston (black Ghostbuster, ya racists) in there somewhere, alive.

NEW VIDEO: Spanky playing an invisible saxophone

2011-01-11T17:04:00.000-05:00

I'm sure your wondering why I have an obsession with invisible instruments (see Conan video below), well it makes me laugh. Pure and simple. You know how you always laugh at old people falling down? Same deal in my book. Now enjoy as my very talented friend Spanky (you may recognize him as the old man from BUS STOP 45...also see video below) plays an invisible sax.

"Good Story" by Mike

2011-01-11T16:59:00.000-05:00

"Good Story"
(A Good Story)
by Mike

It’s already been an hour an a half. How long does someone wait for another person in a situation like this? If it was a date, I would’ve left at the forty-five minute mark. Maybe even less since this isn’t a bar. I’m sure she would’ve loved to meet in a bar. Ninety days sober and I bet she couldn’t go five minutes in a bar without cracking. Her drinking consumed her, and I’d like to think she’s over that now but I’m not going to hold my breath anytime soon.

Kevin is almost seven years old now. Old enough to realize not living with either of your parents is odd. His quiet demeanor has bloomed into intelligent thought provoking ideas. It angers me so much to think that someone could just abandon a child, like an animal. Especially, when that child grows up to be such a wonderful person at only seven years old.

The newspaper has become this, shield for society. So much hatred, murder, lies, losses and destroyed lives to read about every day. It helps you to walk out your front door with a head full of negative thoughts and have one spark of sour optimism that says, “Well at least your dog didn’t kill your elderly mother.” Or, “Well at least you didn’t win the lottery, only to have your neighbor kill you and steal it to flee to their homeland.” It lets you take all the problems you’ve ever had and put them under a magnifying glass and burn them with the sun.

My mother didn’t want to help at all. She said in the beginning I should have given Kevin up for adoption because “she isn’t paying for another human being for as long as (she) lives”. I agree that adoption is beautiful and most people applying would’ve been a great parent to him, but he deserves to live his life with his family, no matter how screwed up we are. I couldn’t forgive myself if I ever gave up on him like everyone else did. I may not be the most responsible or have the means to fully support the both of us but I love him, and that has to count for something. Plus, I’m the only one who stood up when the time came to act, to do the right thing.

I can’t wait here any longer. But I can’t stand to see the tears in his eyes again. This boy needs to meet his mother. Meet her for the first time with these new eyes to the world. I can’t stand that he will end up like the rest of us with a callous exterior from the world. Ill never have a child of my own, so this has to work out.

“Kevin, I don’t think she’s coming. We should head out before it gets too dark.”

I stood there like a prisoner of war waiting for the shots to ring out. Waiting for his tears to ring out and pierce my heart.

“Okay Aunt Marie. Were there any good stories in your paper?”

I couldn’t believe it. This child just got his heart ripped out by his biological mother’s absence and he couldn’t care less. He just looked at me and smiled, as if to say, it’s all going to be all right… THE END

NEW VIDEO: Neil Hamburger destroys a heckler

2011-01-11T16:52:00.000-05:00

A little more than a year ago, I went to a small hole in the wall bar and had the unbelievable privilege of watching Neil Hamburger (arguably one of the best working stand up comics in the world) form a mere 2 feet away. During his set, a man kept finishing his jokes for him until Mr. Hamburger, had something to say to the heckler. Watch the genius at work:

You might recognize Neil Hamburger from "Tim and Eric Awesome Show: Great Job!", "Tenacious D and The Pick of Destiny" and the upcoming "Hamlet A.D.D"

NEW VIDEO: The Drunkest Birthday PT 1

2011-01-07T01:25:00.000-05:00

The description of this one says it all. My good friend Colin drinks too much every year on his birthday/new years eve/day. We decided to film his ramblings this year and cut it up into different episodes. So enjoy "The Drunkest Birthday, Part 1: Where's My Food?!"

PS- There may be some border line offensive things being said but I believe they are too stupid to be considered racist, etc. and also I know Colin isn't prejudice towards anybody, because he hates everyone. And keep an eye out for episode 2 soon!

NEW VIDEO: Conan O'Brien's Invisible Guitar

2011-01-06T11:28:00.000-05:00

By now I'm sure you all could guess that I am a huge CoCo fan. From the Simpsons to TBS I've been there. Here is a great joke from a recent episode of "Conan" where he is demonstrating his favorite guitar move where you solo and tune your axe at the same time. Enjoy the clip you strawberry-headed vanilla children!

NEW VIDEO: Shut It!

2011-01-06T11:17:00.000-05:00

The other day I happened to watch the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie and noticed a really weird scene. Check out this lame joke the foot clansmen tells just so he can hit a woman. For shame, ninja's. ENJOY THE VIDEO YOU GENIUSES!

NEWish VIDEO: Alive With the Glory of Love

2011-01-05T13:15:00.000-05:00

Hey kids,

Today's video is an oldie for me but I'm sure most of you haven't seen it yet. It was a project I had for a film class wherein I made a music video for Say Anything's "Alive With the Glory of Love". It's a little amateury but I had so much fun making it. Enjoy, you beautiful golden gods!

NEW VIDEO: Wii Unfit

2011-01-05T13:09:00.000-05:00

Hey folks,

I know it's been a minute since we last spoke and some things may have changed. I am back down to doing this thing solo, as Trey had to depart to fight the war on terrorism (in the game Call of Duty). Here is my first video of the week called "Wii Unfit". It features a rather uncoordinated lady playing Wii. I know there are a million videos like this on the web, but mine is better. I promise...

The Top 10's of 2010

2010-12-17T15:10:00.000-05:00

Hello friends,
Mike here with our end of the year countdown. Here are the Top Ten things in 2010 that we feel the need to mention again. This isn't just the best movies or songs but more than that. This is a Top Ten list to end all Top Ten lists (sorry Mr. Letterman).
------------------------------------------------------------------------
10. Best Internet sketch group of 2010: Magic Hugs

Magic Hugs was started by Scott Blair and Tim Wilkerson out of Southern Illinois University. Like most comedy groups in our post 9/11 world, they started out of their hatred for Nicholas Cage movies. This year has been a great one for Magic Hugs, starting out with "Sprinkles" in the beginning of the year and following with great videos like "Cover Me" and the ongoing series "How To Be Tight" . With appearances at Just for Laughs and celebrity cameos, Magic Hugs is on its way to the top of the sketch comedy ladder. That ladder by the way, is metaphorical.....

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

9. Best mobile game of 2010: Angry Birds

Addictive game play, puzzle elements and replay ability are pretty much what you need in any mobile game. Angry Birds take that to an entirely new level. You play as a set of angry birds that are trying to destroy the evil green pig's regime for stealing your eggs. You basically catapult the different colored birds at the makeshift castles and such the pigs have made from things like wood, ice or stone. The different colored birds are different power-ups. Blue birds are smaller and can split up shotgun style when you tap the screen, Black birds can explode like cannon balls, etc. The more you play the more addictive it is. Keep an eye on Rovio, the company was recently bought by EA and seems to be one of the forefront mobile gaming studios. Check all their awards here. Well, not there, but here .

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

8. Funniest video mocking Nicholas Cage in 2010:

With so many videos popping up now a days illustrating just how insane the Cage is, it was hard to find the right one. But, hh1edits over on the ole' Youtubes has compiled all the moments in which he.... Well the title says it all:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

7. Rapper/Actor of 2010: Childish Gambino/Donald Glover

With former recipients of this award going to such stars as Ice-T, Snoop Dogg, and Joaquin Phoenix it was pretty simple choosing this years winner. He has risen above most of his peers in every field he works in (more than just the two). He is a revolutionary in the electronic age by producing a lot of material and releasing it all for FREE. I know that isn't very original but here is the kicker. This shit is good. It's damn good. From his sampling of Indie songs in the EP's "I am just a Rapper" and "I am just a Rapper 2" to his full length "Culdesac", every rhyme this kid spits out is better than the last. Do yourself a favor and download everything he has ever put out. And keep an eye on his blog IAmDonald.com for random songs he likes to post. As for the acting portion of this award, Donald is on one of the funniest shows on TV, Community, he is to make an appearance in the much anticipated new Muppets movie and wrote and starred along with his Derrick Comedy pals in "Mystery Team". This guy will run everything one day.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

6. Best Metal band that broke up in 2010: ISIS

ISIS was a very heavy band out of LA that was founded in Boston. This band literally rocked from coast to coast. They announced their break up earlier this year while on tour. They played their scheduled show at Bonnaroo and played in Montreal, the same city their first show was in. Their reason for breaking up was simply they had " done everything we wanted to do, said everything we wanted to say." They were pioneers in the post-rock world. They took Sludge metal to places it had never been before, and might not ever be again. To go out in a blaze of glory is an awesome thing, that most artists never get a chance to do. Check out all of their stuff for the love of your God.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

5. Sexiest ensemble of 2010: Ladies of Mad Men
Ill let the pictures do the talking for this one....

Alison Brie, Peyton List, Christina Hendricks, January Jones and Elisabeth Moss

***in no particular order
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

4. Best Animated show I should be too old to watch- Adventure Time with Finn and Jake

What time is it? It's time for kid's programming to be years ahead of itself, again. Adventure Time (AT) was created by Pendleton Ward who worked on various other shows including the award winning "Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack". AT was originally a short that gained a lot of popularity on the Internet and garnered some award talk at the Annie's. Cartoon Network picked it up and it has shown some really great ratings since it's premiere earlier this year.

It's basic premise is about a boy names Finn and his adventures with his best friend, Jake, a magical dog who can contort his body and change size at will. They battle monsters and usually have a moral or two thrown in. What sets this show apart form most other kid's shows is the unique visual style, the array of quality voice acting (John Di Maggio anyone?), and it is really funny. It's often compared to when Spongebob first premiered on Nickelodeon.

With it's first season over and a Prime time Emmy nod under their belts this is a show to keep an eye on. Plus, anyone who gives Maria Bamford
http://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=hOVu9SrzcCE&feature=channel

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3. Movie for my generation of 2010- The Social Network

Let's pretend this entire movie is a work of fiction, that way we don't have to argue about what is fact or not. But to me, this movie has some serious messages to tell the world about my generation.

We have amazing ideas to improve everything but we refuse to work the same way our father's did. We don't wear suits, but we are billionaires. We wont work in a cubicle but we will work long days. The world is quickly changing thanks to us and you better follow or get the fuck out of the way.

The movie follows Mark Zuckerburg go from being a depressed Harvard student to stealing an idea for a Social Network form classmates, changing it, making it better and making it cool. Then it basically follows how he used these ideas to become rich as all hell and fuck over some people on the way up. Also, the soundtrack from Trent Reznor is one of the best thing's he has ever worked on. 10 times better than his "Into The Wild" soundtrack. The music along with David Fincher's visual style and Aaron Sorkin's dialogue makes this a very very good and important movie.
Again because everyone is a boner, I cant embed the clip here but check out the link below for a short video:
http://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=eC37_VmPxRk

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2. Most anticipated return to late night TV- Conan

(via Gawker)
We have all lost our jobs. It's pretty embarrassing and most people just make up a short handed story to tell people that may leave out some details just to help the length of the story. Conan didn't get that chance, because when you are fired from late night TV, the whole world is talking about it. In January Conan was taken off the Tonight Show and TV until September. During the summer, He went on tour to 30 cities including the music festival Bonnaroo in what he called the "Legally Prohibited From Being Funny On TV Tour". There he and his Tonight Show clan, including Andy Richter, put on one of the best live shows in years, as far as comedy is concerned. Not since Monty Python toured the US had there been this much buzz about a comedy tour.

Then, in May Conan's Twitter account (@ConanOBrien) reached over a million followers after only have been created a couple months before that. He used this medium to make jokes about where his show would go and all the free time he had.

Conan returned to TV by way of TBS in November of 2010 with his new show Conan. It is pretty similar to the wackiness and over the top-ness of his Late Night with Conan and Tonight Show were. Max Weinberg was the only one to be replaced by Jimmy Vivino and the Basic Cable Band. With better and better guests and sketches the other late night hosts have already seen the face of their biggest competition, and it's freckly and pale.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Entertainer of the year, 2010- Doug Benson

Doug Benson has been putting on a live show at the UCB theater in LA for years now. It's called Doug Loves Movies (formerly I Love Movies with Doug Benson) and they talk about, you guessed it, movies. Doug invites three celebrity guests to discuss current and favorite films. Since Doug and most of his guests are high the conversation might steer away form that subject or mock it, which is always funny.

DLM also introduced to the world, "The Leonard Maltin Game", a basic "Name That Tune" with movie titles and actors. I will attempt to the best of my ability to explain how the LM game works so that at your next nerdy party you can play as well.

You are supposed to use the LM app or one of his books but I find IMDB works well too.

-Pick 3 categories of movies (a specific actor, westerns, sequels, etc.)
-Pick 3 different movies based on category and have a player pick based on the year the movie came out (1999, 2001, 1979, etc.)
-Now that the category and year are chosen you can give clues. The clues come from a review. You want to use clues that will almost hurt more than help (A lot of walking, Main character is annoying, etc)
- Then based on credited names, the players bet how many names, starting at the bottom, it would take them to guess the title of the movie. Until a player doesn't think they can top the person before them or if the person before them is bluffing they say, "Name that movie!"
-If you get it right you get a point. If you get it wrong the person who told you to name that movie gets a point.
***- You can guess into negative names wherein you guess the title first then give names going from the starring role down. It's tricky but not impossible.

Doug spent a lot of his time this year lobbying around the country for pro marijuana laws to be passed and more importantly, getting young people to vote. He toured around under the name "Pot the Vote" tour. Though the legalization ballot didn't pass in California, his home state, he continues to be optimistic that one day the country runners will come to their senses and decriminalize pot, or that young people will vote... whichever comes first.

Mr. Benson is also the reason Twitter exists. Not really, but he is probably the best person to follow. Hilarious live tweets of things ranging from award shows to plane flights. He is also great when it comes to fake feuds with Todd Barry and playing games with his millions of followers. You can follow him @DougBenson .

Last but not least, while every comedian and their mothers are pumping out sketch comedy shows, Doug did something that needed to be done. He took his live show "The Benson Interruption" and put it on TV. The difference? IT ACTUALLY HAS FUNNY PEOPLE DOING FUNNY STAND UP!!! Who would've thought that old idea would work?!? Well, at least two people....

We tried to interview Doug for this article but he was too busy. Or, too high.

================================================================

Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood

2010-12-01T13:51:00.001-05:00

Hey there folks, Trey here with my review of Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood.

Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood picks up exactly where the Assassin's Creed 2 left off. You follow Desmond living through his ancestor's memories as an older more confident Ezio Auditore de Firenze, along with his brotherhood of assassins, attempts to liberate Rome from the hands of the corrupt Borgia family.

The entire game, with the exception of a few side-missions for an old friend, takes place in Rome. Although Rome may not have the sparkling canals of Venice or the sky-piercing cathedrals of Florence it has gritty feel while in the city that makes assassinations really feel like they should take place here. Rome is very large and many famous landmarks are present (and for purchase) such as the Roman Forum, the Vatican and the Coliseum.
The game is a direct followup to Assassin's Creed 2, that being said there aren't many changes in graphic design or gameplay mechanics. The game is still just as beautiful, with all of Rome sprawled out before you as Ezio gazes down at his next unfortunate victim. The voice acting is top quality, just be sure to turn on the subtitles if you would like to udnerstand the Englitalian that is spoken throughout. Nolan North, everyone's favorite video-game voice actor, reprises his role as Desmond. The game mechanics are still solid for the most part. Free-running and climbing up buildings is still simple and natural feeling. In addition to all the gadgets in the first game you have a few more that make you almost feel sorry for your intended targets. The only downfall in the mechanics department, and this is the downfall for many 3rd person games, is the camera and more specifically the targeting mechanism. So many times while attempting to shoot my target I would end up shooting his bodyguard instead, beginning a cat-and-mouse chase through the streets of Rome that was completely unnecessary. However this small problem is my only qualm in this entire game, and that's saying something.
New to Brotherhood is the institution of the recruit system. As you decrease Borgia influence in Rome you can begin to recruit citizens to your cause. You then send your recruits on missions and they increase in level and power as they achieve success under your tutelage. Along with sending your fledglings on missions you can also call for their aid on missions of your own. I was running along the roofs of Rome and I saw a guard in the distance who was not going to be happy of my presence on his rooftop. With the simple press of a button one of my dear recruits sprang out of a nearby terrace and ended his miserable existence, allowing me to continue unhindered. Be careful though, for when you lose a recruit they are gone for good...complete with mourning cut-scene.
Finally Brotherhood brings with it the first taste of Multiplayer in the assassin's world. However that is for another time and place, say, next week?
Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood is a solid installment in the Abstergo/Assassin conflict that leaves the plot at another cliffhanger that ensures millions of units sold for Assassin's Creed 3. With solid mechancis, visuals and audio you can't ask for much more out of a game. Myself and others will anxiously be waiting on Ubisoft to put out the next chapter in Desmond's epic saga.
Nerd Points: 9/10
Trey out

NEW VIDEO: Call of Duty: Jack Offs

2010-11-30T17:05:00.000-05:00

Mike here,

This is a video that Trey and I shot over Thanksgiving break. The Internet finally gets to see what Trey looks like! A handsome man indeed folks. We realized that after all the hidden Easter eggs in CoD BlOps were revealed, we had stumbled across one more that our immature minds couldn't resist. You're welcome Internet, you faceless number cruncher!

Sanguine Friday

2010-11-29T13:28:00.000-05:00

I took part in the holiday hamster-wheel tradition of "Black Friday" this year against my better judgment. As I hate shopping, crowds, and the wee-hours of the morning this came as a shock. As I was riding around the parking lot of the mall, looking for a spot and dodging collisions, I began thinking (I like to think that this was the very first time I was thinking that wretched morn) about why I was doing this thing that I abhorred.

Usualy when human beings go about doing something they dislike there is some core reason behind it. For instnace many people hate, or at least marginally dislike, their jobs yet they routinely wake up, drive their commute through that part of the city that they hate, and sit in their cubicle pondering suicidal thoughts until quitting time (or the end of the world, whichever comes first). The reason behind all of this is money, a reward for a job completed that our society has deemed necessary for all to have to enjoy a decent quality of life.

At this point, still looking for a spot by the way, my train of thought was careening down the tracks like a bad Denzel Washington movie and I started thinking of things that I do for extended periods of time that don't bring me much joy. World of Warcraft, that unforgiving mistress, instantly came to mind. Not that the game is boring by any means, or that I am so addicted that I find no joy yet I continue to play it, but at times I find myself repeating the same mindless action for hours be it needless slaughter of an entire species of giant-deer, or simply fishing for fake fish. Grinding, and as a sub-category "farming", is an extraordinary gaming phenomenon. While this mostly applies to RPG's (including the MMO kind) it can be found in other games as well. Many nerds spend large quantities of their lives killing nature elementals for the mere purpose of bringing their mossy innards to a virtual market for virtual money. Unfortunately for me I am generally the auctioneer at this very market, tracking the highs and lows of this virtual economy, flushing my life away and having a hell of a time doing it.
Trey out

If I Did It.... Captain America Movie

2010-11-24T13:16:00.000-05:00

Hello all,
Mike here. Welcome to the first ever "If I Did It..." Which is basically our own version of something cool. It's not Fan-Fiction, it's a god damn plea.

Now that Marvel has Disney money to throw around, they are being a little more adventurous with their movie adaptations allowing lesser known heroes to have movies. Sometimes it works , and sometimes it doesn't . With the announcement of an Avengers movie a couple of years ago, Marvel knew they would have to have a film for each character so that they could avoid any unnecessary, long winded explanations or origin stories. So, the next venture out is the Golden Age hero himself, Captain America.

The story apparently is summarized as such:

Based on the Marvel Comics character from World War II. A brave, yet mild-mannered young soldier named Steve Rogers, volunteers to undergo a series of experiments for a US army Super Soldier program. The military succeeds in transforming him into a human weapon, but quickly decide that their Super Soldier is far too expensive a creation to risk in combat. So, they decide to put him to use as an army celebrity and parade him across Europe to boost morale by performing in USO shows for American troops. He is even given a costume that bear the colors of Old Glory for the stage. Then, when a Nazi plot reveals itself Rogers must rise up and and become the First Avenger, in order to save his country. Steve Rogers becomes Captain America and he earns his way into the hearts and souls of every American, bringing hope and justice to a war-weary nation. Later, during a mission to Germany to stop his archenemy - The Red Skull, from launching rockets at the allies, Captain America sacrifices himself and winds up frozen in ice for almost six decades! Revived, Steve Rogers now must join forces with new heroes and become an Avenger of the modern age

Ok, now if I did it, I wouldn't set most of the movie in WW2. I'd start with a very bad ass battle scene between Cap, Bucky, Nick Fury and the Howlin' Commando's (Wolverine anyone?) and some fucking Nazi's with some crazy Nazi weapons . Actually you could base the whole opening, tone and all, off of this one piece of concept art from the actual movie:

I'm not saying the tone of the real version wont be this good but, Jesus, compare it to this:

Yikes. Anyways, back to if I did it.

They would chase down "The Red Skull" to his hideout in some creepy part of Iceland and capture "him". They would unmask him to reveal that it is really Baron Zemo , a high ranking scientist in the Nazi ranks, governed by the real Red Skull. Zemo launches a missile towards what we assume is America. Cap and Bucky take off down a runway on an old-timey motorcycle while dogfights are going on all around them at the top of this tower/castle. Cap and Bucky leap off the cycle at the end of the runway and manage to just barely grab onto the missile. They try to disarm it but are both blown up while they're teammates look on in horror.

Cut to Cap waking up 20 years later, being told about the accident and how he was found frozen in a block of ice and was revived in order to help stop The Red Skull who has taken to power in Europe and is planning to start a nuclear WW3. Blah Blah Blah Cap fights giant robots and Nazi super humans and is being stalked the entire time by Sin, The Red Skull's daughter/heir, Crossbones (Sin's boyfriend and The Red Skull's own Mercenary Assassin for hire) and a very mysterious highly trained killer codenamed The Winter Soldier. Known by his metal arm and big red star.

Ok so to catch up all of you folks who aren't fortunate enough to keep up with the comics, The Winter Soldier is Bucky who survived the explosion (just like Cap) but lost his arm in the process. He was picked up by a Russian submarine and brainwashed to work for them. He was already highly skilled in hand to hand and shooting but the Russians also gave him a lot of skills as an explosions expert and such. The Red Skull found out his true identity and offered him a position in his ranks. Now that folks, is evil.

Roughly, the end of the flick would go something like this:

Cap tells Winter Soldier during a fight on The Red Skull's freighter about his past and how Red Skull killed his family and in order to cover it up. Winter Soldier turns on Red Skull after gaining some of his memory back but the Red Skull uses a device that deactivates his bionic arm and locks up his whole body. Then the Red Skull makes Winter Soldier watch as he does the one things he has always wanted to do: kill Captain America. Winter Soldier manages to rip off his bionic arm, freeing him of his momentary paralysis. The ship is going down in the middle of the ocean, with WS and a dead Steve Rogers still on it. WS desperately tries to carry Roger's body off the ship with him, and he is about to give up before a mass of S.H.I.E.L.D agents storm the boat, rush by Winter Soldier and Cap and begin to take apart a device on the ship. WS blacks out as both him and Cap are being escorted off the freighter and onto a Helli-carrier.

WS is woken up by a gun butt to the jaw, where he is being interrogated by a shadowy figure revealed to be Nick Fury. He is asking him why The Red Skull left him there to die and why was he carrying Steve Roger's body. "Because he was my friend..." WS says. To which Fury replies, "So then you remember, do you Bucky?" He then tells him he will have to spend many years accounting for his past actions with The Red Skull and the Russians and providing S.H.I.E.L.D with Intel.

Then just to tie in into The Avengers Movie I would end the film (pre credits) with Tony Stark coming in saying "No. We need him. And you'll need this." As he tosses Cap's shield at him.

Post credits would show a row of graves at Arlington National Cemetery with Bucky standing near Steve Roger's memorial. He would just stand there in silence then put on the Captain America mask and ride away.

Hell yes.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1

2010-11-23T15:07:00.000-05:00

Hey there folks, Trey here
Harry Potter has been, more or less, a staple for many in my generation. The genius of the novels was that J.K. Rowling kept the content of the books applicable to the ages of the majority of her readers as we aged (let's call us generation "H") However that is neither her not there.
I recently saw David Yates take on the darkest of all the Harry Potter novels over the weekend and was not disappointed. The film had to be broken into two parts (part two is planned to kick-off mid-July) in order to fit all of the content that they needed to not disappoint the readers. Unfortunately the first half of The Deathly Hallows is not what anyone would call exhilarating. The movie flies off to a fast-paced start complete with spell-flinging, flying, and a certain antagonist who must-not-be-named. After that the movie grinds to a spell-binding halt while Potter and Co. set the stage and emotional background for the showdown that inevitably must come in Part two. The strangest thing that non-readers will discover is that none of the movie takes part in Hogwarts. By breaking this mold of every other movie, and novel for that matter, Yates had a decent amount of creativity as far as setting was concerned. Unfortunately instead of the hallowed (no pun intended) halls of Hogwarts the majority of the movie is a Lord of the Rings meets The Blair Witch Project woods walk while the protagonists figure out why there is so much sexual tension between Harry and his broomstick and if Ron has a soul.
The general mood of the movie is gloomy and sullen, whether that's because Voldemort is running rampant or if it's simply because they're in England I can't tell. While this saturnine effect is necessary for the audience to understand the feeling of the world during this time of crisis (Think Russia during WWII) it's a dreary 40 minutes of Dumbledore's Army walking aimlessly trying to figure out their next move. However in Yates' defense this part of the book was even more dull than the movie, so kudos to David this death-blow to my conscious state into a mere Jimmy-tap.
The acting in this movie is quality. All the same faces are back that we know and have grown to love and no one can really think of a mental image of Harry Potter without Daniel Radcliffe popping into your head. In fact most of these characters that we have seen grow into adults from mere babes have basically become synonymous with their characters. Thus it was rather odd seeing some Emma Watson side-boob, it's kind've like seeing your little sister's side-boob which in most states is disconcerting at least.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows did not disappoint by any means. Hardcore bookworms will find thousands of faults with it but as far as films go I would rank it as one of the best Potter films. Yates broke out of his Rom-Com style of the 6th film and made exactly what I was expecting for a film adaptation of my favorite book in the Potter series.
Trey out
Power was my weakness and my temptation

Cafeteria Fraiche'

2010-11-19T07:07:00.000-05:00

Mike here with another weekly South Park report.

Last night on South Park, they made fun of old people. They made fun of old guys by showing how obsessed Randy March had become with the Food Network. Even going as far as a sexual obsession with food. He stays up late to watch shows hosted by people I've never heard of. I guess I should start by saying how much I hate the Food Network and think its one of the most pointless things on this planet. Randy also becomes the new chef at the boy's elementary school, making them film him so he can have his own Food Network type show.

On the other spectrum, Sharon Marsh is fed up with this new infatuation her husband has. She even goes as far to sustain their relationship as blocking the channel using parent controls. She confides in Sheila Broflovski that she isn't feeling attractive to her husband anymore, to which Sheila suggest she try getting in shape with the "Shake Weight". This is a real piece of workout equipment that happens to comically simulate handjobs. Here, check it out:

Yup. Mothers all over the country are spending money on these fucking things.

I have to admit, this episode wasn't very strong. Whenever they want to have a grown up in South Park acting foolish it is usually Randy. My guess is that because he is so childish and immature he gets the same pass the kids do on the show for saying ridiculous things and getting in situations that are way over their heads. This is first seen in the season 3 episode Spontaneous Combustion. Wherein Randy cant stop imagining men cheering him and women begging to sleep with him everywhere he goes if he can just solve the problem of people randomly exploding all over town.

I like the character of Randy but with all the lame pop culture jokes and the repeated jokes over and over and over and over again, this episode was just a letdown to be nice about it. I cant help but ask who decided to put this on right after the "Coon and Friends Trilogy"? I guess when you spend less than two weeks making a cartoon, they cant all be as genius as most of them are. Well, here's to keeping your head up and knowing its only seven days until another one. And chances are it'll be pretty funny.

Can you find "Happy Batman"?

2010-11-19T05:43:00.000-05:00

This is the equivalent of a when some old lady from Dakota finds what appears to be a picture of Jesus or Satan in her oatmeal. I found this image on my driveway last night. Can you spot the Happy Batman?

What? He doesn't smile very often...

Love,
Mike