Adventures @18 Emerson

Mother vs Sir Wanksalot- who's the true perv!!!

2014-01-14T00:28:00.001-05:00

Breast feeding has been all over the media lately. Or maybe I'm just noticing it because I'm an avid breast feeder. I'm not quite sure but either way I've noticed that our society has a twisted and perverted view of breast feeding. Come to think of it, North Americans have a perverted view of breasts period. When the Pope is a supporter! But that's not good enough for us is it?!

I'll start by saying, feeding one's child is not perverse. It's not sexual by any stretch of the imagination and yet somehow you are made to feel like a complete perv for feeding your hungry baby in public. Not all the time and not everywhere but as I found out today, the population in some spots in our beautiful city is dead set against it. Truthfully I'd always heard about people's objections through others, but I'd never actually seen it until today. This could likely be due to my being oblivious or perhaps my tendency to hang in areas and amongst people in support of breast feeding. Today however, I realized I'm not in Kansas anymore.

After a week of some hardcore polar bear friendly temperatures, we had a lovely day that felt like spring...by Canadian standards at least. The rest of the world would probably still see it as sh*t cold. So being the hibernator that I am, why I live in Canada is a whole other ball of wax, I decided it was time for Cyrus and mommy to hit the town. So we hit the aquarium. On our way back, the little man was hungry so I sat down at union station, pulled out my feeding cover and proceeded to feed the little man. That's when I saw it. At least 90% of the people walking by me were giving me stink eye. Honestly you'd think I was doing something ungodly where all I was doing was feeding my child. Come to think of it there used to be a crazy homeless dude that would wank his junk on College street that got less stink eye than I did. He'll I think he way have gotten some air high fives, for obvious reasons, too! In other words, my act of feeding my 5 month old is more offensive than Mr wanky doodle waving and abusing his junk in public! Really?! I even had a mother pull her son away and give me the look of "how dare you!" I guess that's how we manage to create a population of people with a twisted sense of right and wrong" seriously people get over it!!! The sad part is I was fully covered, not that it should matter, but it was the sheer thought of me baring a boob that offended at least 50-60 people in a very short time span. Hell I think Mr Wankovic got more praise for his junk show than I did for providing Cyrus with nutrients. When did we decide this is a sexual act of any sort? Why are we as a society so damn twisted that we have managed to chastise the most natural form of feeding for a child? Why don't we reserve the stink eye for when we're feeding our young kids pop (soda for my American friends) and candy and McDonalds? When we allow our 12 year old to dress up like $2 hookers with pounds of makeup and clothes that are much too revealing? Why is it that we celebrate things like child pageants as being normal and a breast feeding mother as the pervert? What happened to us to make us so delusional? What's wrong with that picture?! EVERYTHING is wrong with that picture!

My dear friends and readers I ask you to please support all the mothers you know regardless of whether they are Breast feeding or bottle feeding. We are all trying to do the same here which is help our monkeys grow. It's not a perverse act regardless of its source. Let's take a step towards acceptance for if this negative view continues breast feeding mothers may have to do as Mr Wanker did to detract negative attention and warrant some high fives. Sad that this is a battle of Mother vs Sir Wanksalot to see who the real perv is.

Parenting: a prison sentence?

2014-01-10T13:26:00.001-05:00

Oh the crazy road that is parenthood. Life will never be the same. Weekends no longer exist. You'll never be sure of anything again. Over the years many of you have laughed at us and told blatantly told us that we don't get it. Truthfully, we laughed at you and thought oh we get it. Hey what do you know, you were right. Ha! Val and I always swore we'd be the take Charge parents that didn't let our kids run things. It worked for a while! We'd still do our thing and Cyrus would sleep in his chair wherever. We thought hell this is EASY! Then Cyrus started becoming more aware of things and wanted to be entertained all the time and so started the true road to being parents.

I'm not writing this to scare any non parents. In fact I had a conversation with a friend today to whom this seems like a horrible prison sentence. "You can't go out! No time to yourself!!" While I wont't deny the need sometimes for some more "me time" or "us time" I will also says this, despite every parent's horror stories of sleep deprivation, getting pooped on, vomited on, not being able to pee alone, have a warm meal or have an adult conversation with your spouse etc. I can promise you we all feel having kids was the greatest thing we've accomplished and no success will even come close to feeling as satisfying. Funny thing about you time and partying is that you get over it after a while. There comes a time that it won't be as enjoyable anymore and you want more. You'll want to pass on your insanity and that's where the kids come in. Personally when I got pregnant and we had Cyrus, We felt complete. Like a part of our family puzzle that was missing was finally in place. One thing I'll say to those who find this parenting thing terrifying is that you have to be ready and to be ready there in mind that there are no timelines. While some may be ready at 20, others take longer...he'll some may never get there but if you're not a 100% ready for your life to change forever, don't do it. You have lots of time, enjoy every second of life in all forms. That's what it's all about. This is also why we waited till our 30's to have kids because we wanted to go on crazy vacations, party like Rock stars, drink our faces off n do it until we didn't want to do it anymore. But when you take that plunge because you really want it, that moment when you hold your child for the first time will be the most beautiful and mind blowing experience of your life. You'll cherish it for ever and there will never be a night out, a sap day, safari or sky diving adventure raft will ever replicate that high for you. The moment they smile at you, roll over, clap their hands or he'll just acknowledge your existence will be the most exquisite moment of your life and nothing else will matter.

As I sit watching him bounce around in his little excersaucer, speaking a language at this point only he understands but clearly whatever he's saying us super important judging by his expression, I can't think of anything else that would be more awesome than just this. Watching my son grow, learn and discover. Trust me parenting is no prison sentence. You will get vomited on, pooped on, screamed at, peed on and you'll adore it all. You can't tell me you'd adore it if someone at a club did that shit ;)

Too Crunchy to Cry It Out

2014-01-08T23:48:00.001-05:00

When I was a little girl, my mom came home with one of those baby dolls that had a tape that made them cry or laugh depending on which side of the tape you had on. I remember falling in love with that doll right away. My mom was a bit shocked to be truthful because as a general rule of thumb I wasn't the doll loving kinda girl. I was a Tom boy from a very young age, growing up in a country in the midst of an epic war. My toy collection mostly consisted of toy guns, trucks swords etc. That doll, however was different for some reason. It changed me. I quickly decided I would have the laughter on all the time because when the doll cried it made me really sad. I swear, It broke my heart. I just couldn't bear to hear that cry.

Fast forward nearly 30 years, I'm a mother to an awesome little boy and when he cries, it takes me back. It breaks my heart and I want to put his laughter side of the tape on when I can. Unfortunately crying seems to go hand in hand with sleep "training" which is where we're at right now. Being the nerdy trainer that I am, I like to learn everything there is to know about a task before I take that knowledge, mix it up, make it my own and execute. I started reading, asking questions and just taking in all this "data" to learn everything about all methods of sleep coaching out there. The most common advice and literature available is to let him cry it out. Some say stay in the room and do it others say close the door and do it but either way the best way to do it, most say, is Cry It Out. So That's how I started. And it took me a split second to decide it's not for me. I actually went out of my comfort zone and tried it the full day but it just isn't for me. I'm not saying it doesn't work; I know many parents that have done this successfully and they have perfectly healthy children who are well balanced and do not hate them by any means so it obviously works. It's just not for me. It took me back to my little doll and I felt that anxiety again and I just am not okay with it. It's me, not the method. So realizing and accepting this I remembered the best piece of parenting advice we got from some friends and family members and that was "Do what works for you regardless of what everyone tells you you SHOULD do". So I went back to the drawing board to see of there's a mother way. At this point I should mention I was raised by parents with borderline hippie ideologies so needless to say they think I'm nuts for even trying but that's another story. Bottom line is I was not exposed to sleep coaching/ training. I slept in my own room, I didn't co sleep with my parents, I grew up without dependency issues in fact I'm more of a hermit than anything. I eventually learned to sleep and nap and all in all I grew up fine. So there is another way. I'm not the only one who was raised this way. I do require more structure though so I decided I have to find my own balance. What is that balance? I don't know yet. I guess Val and I have to figure out what really works best in our life for both of us but bottom line is I'm just too damn crunchy to Cry It Out. I believe in osteopaths and naturopaths. I breast feed in public. I wear my baby boy every chance I get. I spend a crap load of time singing some Kumbaya shit around the camp fire. I use organic non toxic products that are mostly local. I eat humane meat and avoid products that aren't cruelty free. I bike to work, I walk where I can, I do Yoga, I eat off my garden (Val's the gardener I forget to water things) in the summer and talk about my freaking feelings. Don't get me wrong I'm not fully crunchy, I don't co sleep, I won't be breast feeding when he's 10, I still drive where I need to, I'm not vegan, PETA has told me to honk on Bobo (no joke they really did) and I have fancy appliances. All I'm saying is I'm just too crunchy to cry it out. So I continue with my sleep coaching (notice the softer use of words) journey and though truthfully it scares and intimidates me a bit, it shall get done.

Before becoming a mother I did a lot of chirping. "I won't let kids change my life" "I'll still..." "I will put them on such n such schedule" so on and so forth...I have now placed all those statements in a bowl with my crunchy ass granola and I'm eating them with my organic non dairy milk alternative.

Dear Santa, Thank you for a perfect Christmas

2013-12-25T22:24:00.000-05:00

I found myself crying as I held Cyrus in the kitchen this morning. Now you may be wondering how that equates to a perfect Christmas. I'm about to tell you.

Throughout the years I've had my share of fun Christmases, sad Christmases, boring Christmases and so on. The best Christmases I had were when I was a kid for the most part. Surrounded by family, I remember my grandparents dancing in the living room in front of the Christmas tree as I tried to get in between them and participate in the dance. I also remember the Christmas I found out Santa didn't exist. I was probably around 5 years old. I waited up as long as I could for Santa to come and bring my presents but I finally fell asleep and woke up the next morning excited as can be to open my presents. I opened a pair of shoes, even then my obsession with shoes was in full bloom, only to realize that Santa got my shoe size wrong. Most kids would have sulked and been sad but not me. I went postal. I literally lost it in a nearly unholy way. If poor Santa actually existed he would have put me on the naughty list for the rest of my life after the hour of ape shit name calling I spent that Christmas morning. My parents, being the guilty parties, were stunned not sure what to think while feeling guilty at the same time. Later that day I caught my dad trying to sneak out and exchange my shoes and give Santa credit. That's when I learned Santa didn't exist and from that moment on, I milked it. Any who, back to why I was shedding tears this morning.

Over the years Christmas became stressful due to the need to get everyone the perfect gift. So much so that Val and I decided a few years back to no longer get each other gifts. Instead we just buy stuff throughout the year that we want. Makes it a heck of a lot less stressful. Regardless Christmas hasn't really had the same flare and excitement that it used to when I was a kid. This year was a bit different because we can now start new traditions and create that excitement for Cyrus. We debated so much about how to make it special for him. In the end we took him to see Santa, he cried like hell, just got together with the family and spent a fabulous night together eating, listening to Christmas tunes and watching the kids reactions as they opened some presents. It was Christmas again except this time we got to be on the parents side and it was exciting again. Now fast forward to the tears...

We woke up this morning made breakfast and Val and his mom cleaned up I stood there with Cyrus in my arms swaying to the sweet sounds of Christmas kissing his chubby little cheeks. It suddenly dawned on me that I've never had a Christmas this perfect. I finally got the perfect present and it fit perfectly in my arms. This sweet little monkey that was holding on to me as we danced around the kitchen together. He gave me kisses back which are him opening his mouth wide, slobbering drool all over my cheek which I just adore and smiling in return for my appreciation of these sweet baby kisses. This cute little Munster who insists on being a part of our conversations by screaming out vowels and consonants loudly in no particular order and giggling at his owned shared wisdom. Here was the prefect gift. I stood there tears streaming down my face feeling so overwhelmed as I looked around and saw myself surrounded by my sweet husband, our two adorable dogs and this perfect little man in my arms. I felt complete. It feels like I'm getting to live life all over again and recreate all the beautiful parts that I've appreciated over the years and this time I get to see it from a different perspective. This time I get to see the wonder and excitement through my son's eyes. I get to see his beautiful little face as he experiences all these firsts and it's perfect.

So for what it's worth:

Dear Santa,
I'm sorry for calling you all those nasty names so many years ago. I forgive you for getting my shoe size wrong. Thank you for keeping me on your good list and giving me the perfect Christmas present. You made Christmas awesome again.

Love,
Tash

Lessons Learned in Parenting

2013-10-26T00:28:00.003-04:00

Hello again my fabulous readers. It's been over two months since my last post and I promise you I've had good reason to be absent this long. Let me catch you up.

After what seemed like a pregnancy that lasted a thousand years our little guy Cyrus made his grand entrance into the world on August 12th and I was immediately more in love than I ever thought possible. The second I met him, I forgot all about the excruciating amount of pain that had made me nearly punch a perfect stranger for being there as a contraction hit, the IV attempts that had ended up looking like a murder seen in the room and the last 17 hours of insanity that had followed once my water broke that brought us to that moment. The moment that we finally got to meet this little man that we were now responsible for and I was in awe of him; he was and is perfect.

Then life went on warp speed. Being a new parent is scary as you can imagine. Not only are you responsible for this beautiful little creature, but you have to care for them knowing absolutely nothing. It's as much of a learning curve for you as it is for them. Perhaps even a bigger one for you because you think you know...but trust me you don't. Lesson one: YOU DON'T KNOW SH*T! YOU ONLY THINK YOU DO.

The first couple of nights were strange at best. He'd wake up crying every hour at most and I'd wake up in a daze bumping into stuff and walk around so confused trying to figure out what was happening. So sleep was non existent. Not only because of the hourly wake up call but also because once in his bassinet, he'd make grunting noises and thrash about like he was kung fu fighting...I thought ...well I didn't know what the hell was going on or if he was okay so I'd spend the time between feedings on google. We all know how that can turn out. Lesson two: BABIES ARE KUNG FU MASTERS, NOW GET SOME SLEEP.

Despite the lack of sleep and not knowing sh*t, I was so overwhelmed with the amount of love I felt for him, I would burst out crying...like 15 times a day. Turns out the hormones add to that too...lol. I felt I finally knew the purpose of life..he was there doing some black belt sh*t in the bassinet at the end of our bed and he was going to bust some sh*t up. There were naturally the times that I would also cry because I was tired and lost and mostly tired and not used to being that tired anymore. Lesson three: BABY KUNG FU MASTERS MAKE YOU CRY...FOR MULTIPLE REASONS...NOW GET SOME SLEEP.

Then came the colic...oh it came, it conquered my ass I'll tell ya. Cyrus wouldn't stop screaming...that made me beg, plead and yes cry because I was tired, overwhelmed and for the first time in my life, I couldn't control this situation. I could not help my poor little munster resolve whatever it was that was bothering him. So I cried...Oh I cried, he cried, I felt guilt for failing him and being upset that I could not negotiate a stop crying contract with him, a friend told me to swaddle him and turn on a vacuum or hair dryer..Hey what do you know, it worked!! Lesson four: BABIES DO NOT NEGOTIATE, VACUUM NOISE GOOD.....NOW GET SOME SLEEP.

Before the colic, little Cyrus Munster slept pretty much all day long and only cried when he needed a diaper change or when he was hungry..so I'd do chores around the house and thought.."Oh this is how it's done. I got this down"..yea WRONG! The older they get the more demanding especially if you have a colicky baby, you will have very little time when you're not attending to baby. Lesson five: YOU WILL GET NOTHING DONE..NOW GET SOME SLEEP.

If you're lucky enough to have support, or rather smart enough to ask for it, you can take a break here and there you will not have to come to terms with this but I wasn't smart enough sooo I learned that eating, sleeping, peeing and showering are all luxuries. Heck even with support I haven't taken a shower longer than 5 minutes since Cyrus was born! I brush my teeth and wash my hair at the same time so I can get out before he wakes up! Another thing is food, I have only eaten two warm meals at most since Cyrus Munster came around. Sometimes I hear Stewie's voice saying " you think you can eat your warm meal do you? In that case I'm hungry now, feed me woman!" (flips bird).

As far as sleep is concerned, well sleep is over rated ...or that's what I tell myself..lol Lesson six: PEE, SHOWER, EAT BE MERRY..OH AND GET SOME SLEEP.

If anyone reading this thinks that mat leave is a "vacation" well think again. It's a full time job that never stops. 24/7 no breaks no weekend and no sympathy. It's stressful and hard work raising a little monkey but no matter how tired and overworked you are, you get so see them grow and smile and it makes it all worth it...I mean look at this face!!!!

Still though, when people tell you about needing to decompress, you can't help but want to tell them to suck it...especially if you have not had a date with sleep for a while. Lesson six: BEING A MOTHER IS THE HARDEST JOB IN THE WORLD...NOW GET SOME SLEEP...RIGHT AFTER YOU THANK YOUR MOM. note to self: ask baby if he can teach you his Kung Fu ways so you can respond to these "needs of decompression" appropriately.

Funny thing is I'm sure someone if not multiple people told us all of this before this little guys was even a dream in our lives but one can never come even close to understanding what it's like until you go through it. Also Gentlemen, the next time you want to complain as I've heard so many of you do, about your wife being bitchy, the house being messy, you being stressed and in need of a night out etc...well, suck it. Better yet, instead of sucking it, stay home with the baby for one day then lets see how you feel ;)

These are the Lessons that I've learned in parenting. In summery, I know nothing, baby knows kung fu and man I need some sleep!

Cheers,

Tash ;)

What it's really like to be pregnant - the home stretch is all about stretching one's patience

2013-07-23T23:31:00.000-04:00

AHHHH the home stretch. It's what every pregnant woman waits for in anticipation of the safe arrival of the little monkey that spends nearly 10 months, oh yes it's almost 10, moving, rolling and kicking around in your belly. This is the point when the cute belly has turned into a giant medicine ball that seems to grow heavier by the second. The point where no matter how much you embrace motherhood and pregnancy, you no longer want any photo's of you taken, or displayed under any circumstance. Yet people not realizing that the mere image of yourself frightens you may from time to time decide to "surprise" you with so called candid pics that they think are so adorable. As always I'm here to tell you the truth about our psychological state at this point in the game and the possible risk you are taking by speaking to, breathing near or taking photos of a woman in her last month of growing a human being.

Often we hear about cranky pregnant women. I've actually been lucky enough, as have those around me, to not be very cranky or moody.....up until now. What I'm about to tell you is the truth about why we are cranky at any point.

You see, pregnancy is different for everyone. Some get morning sickness, some don't. Some get bloated some don't. Ultimately no matter what the process looks like for any of us, there are certainly some commonalities for all of us. We are growing a whole person and that comes with anxiety, lack of booze, limitations to what we can and can not eat, people telling you you're wrong about pretty much everything you do no matter what it is, people telling you what you should do because they know best (you don't exercise enough/ you are over doing it, your diet sucks, oh you worry too much, oh a glass of wine wont hurt/ don't even think about wine etc etc.), being asked repeatedly what the name of the child is even though you have tried to tell them to wait and find out and to top it off you experience foot pain, back pain, hip pain, pelvic pain, Braxton hicks, swollen everything and pretty much any sort of pain and discomfort that can only be considered a form of torture as it only gets worse every day. Its gets even more special when you have parts of you touching each other that never did before and that really should not be touching. like your boobs and your big belly which have practically become one united nation of big stuff in the front, your thighs that can no longer be pluralized and rightfully referred to as thigh and to boot you're peeing like its going out of style and seriously considering diapers as a possible solution. It unfortunately doesn't end there, If you're unlucky enough to get diagnosed with some condition like GD, you now also have Doctors telling you you need to "prioritize" your child by taking frequent snack breaks and go for walks after meals etc. and not put work first. To that I say "Oh why thanks Doc! I'm clearly an asshole I don't know why I didn't think of just putting everything on hold because that's easy! I'll just quit my job and go for walks!" You see where I'm going with all this?! If you thinking that I sound a bit pissy, you're right I am pissy. Wouldn't you be if you were in pain everyday?being told you're wrong no matter what you do constantly and having people tell you what you should be doing like you are suddenly dumb as a door knob? Yes yes feel guilty go ahead! I do! I've surely done the same thing to my friends when they were pregnant and I apologize. I'm grateful you ladies were kind enough to not whoop me ass right then and there. So I guess what I'm trying to tell you my dear reader is that the next time you run into a pregnant friend or stranger that is not in the best mood don't make judgments, don't express your opinions and just appreciate the fact that this possibly is one of the hardest things anyone can ever do in their life time. As much as meeting this little miracle growing in my belly is the most anticipated beautiful thing ever, I also know that I'm still not done. There's more pain and learning curves and a lost sense of self to come as we embrace and learn to be parents. It's frightening and exciting and though logically we understand your opinions, thoughts, excitement and photo sharing is not meant to be a negative thing, I will be the one to warn you that we the prego's are only seconds away from losing it one you at any time. So be ware and please do not make any sudden movements as you may just be the unlucky sucker that pays for everyone else's need to share. The next time I tell you I did yoga, ate dog food, threw up on myself, blamed you for making the sun go down too quickly, yelled at you for feeling too hot or anything else that is just not logical, just stand still and don't make eye contact. If you feel the situation escalating, don't RUN! It's for your own good we're like bears if you run it only aggravate us and we may try and mull you...mind you the extra weight does slow us down so nix that, RUN!!

What it's really like to be pregnant: The dirty looks and speed racers

2013-06-21T16:23:00.001-04:00

Hello my lovely readers! Happy summer solace to you all. Today's post is for my currently and previously prego sisters out there who have experienced the speed racers and dirty looks...who am I kidding it's for the rest of you too who can use a chuckle at the end of a long work week to kick off your weekend right.

As I've mentioned in a few of my posts before, pregnancy comes with lots of fun wobbling, struggles of sitting up, getting up out of bed and the magic act of your feet disappearing. So you can imagine we the pregos of the world, minus the crazy marathon running champs out there, aren't exactly the speediest individuals of the bunch. As you can imagine the extra weight does keep us down and hey by the time you get to the end of the pregnancy, a foot massage is truly a gift from the gods as is any opportunity to sit your bum down especially on the bus, subway or street cars. Unfortunately being in this state has been a sad realization for many of the fabulous mothers I know out there where people will avoid eye contact and outright ignore you being in need of a seat in exchange for their own comfort. This of course doesn't just apply to us, it applies to the elderly and disabled as well. It's sad it what it is. I have to say though, I have been very fortunate to cross paths with many of the kinder individuals in this crazy city who are quick to give up their seats no matter how tired they look when they see me standing there and I'm always so grateful to them for it regardless of whether I accept the kind offer or not. It shows that kindness does still exist. So at this point you may be wondering "well what's with the post then?!". Well I'm getting to it.

As many of you may be aware I am one of the lucky individuals out there who is able to work out of my home office which is especially convenient when I need the extra snooze time. I do go into the office to get some face to face interaction from time to time to relieve my cabin fever and these tend to me my awesome days of social observation as well. Yesterday was one of these days. I arrived at the street car stop and when it arrived I started to wobble my way over to the door to hopefully get a seat. All was well (picture little turtle happy to be running a race) until a woman practically pushed me over in a race to the last seat on the street car.

Needless to say she beat me and avoided eye contact when I climbed my way up yet looked very pleased with herself for her achievement. I think I should have been upset or annoyed by her actions but truthfully I had to hold back hysterical laughter. This "big stupid" was taking pride in beating a very pregnant woman to a seat! That's like being proud of yourself for beating the Elephant lady from Who Wants to be a Millionaire in an IQ test for God's sakes!!

I didn't say anything of course and I stood there in this busy street car when suddenly this young boy sprung out his seat so genuinely apologetic that he had not noticed I was standing and proceeded to give up his seat. I declined but thanked him. It made me smile that there are parents out there that are teaching their kids kindness so they don't grow up to be like speed racer on the other side of me. I will make sure to teach my child good manners so they will be just like that kind boy that put a smile on my face.

Now on to the dirty looks. When pregnant, any sane and caring woman will give up her love of intoxicated indulgences like drinking and smoking. Sometimes even high heals, but believe me this last one is not by choice. We do not however, force all those around us to do the same. Which means we may occasionally go out to purchase booze or cigarettes for friends or spouses and heck even sit down in a bar and grab a bite with friends while sipping on a non alcoholic beverage which is still fine even when your baby is with you as long as your not in some crack den damn it!! We are pregnant, we are mothers, we are not dead! The dirty looks that we get however do not reflect this logic.

My husband is still a smoker and I do pick up smokes for him once in a while which gets me stabbing looks of hate unless I go to the corner store where they know it's not for me. Same with the liquor store, I know many of you who have experienced the hateful looks when you walk into the LCBO (funny enough not so much the Beer Store) to purchase booze for events. I know it's frustrating but you have to admit it's sort of funny. They probably are seeing an episode of intervention in their heads where you get home and turn into a belligerent drunk not caring about your baby's health. Have some faith people!! Give me a dirty look if you see me drinking or smoking but don't assume that's what I'm doing and punish me for it. It's not fair for you to judge my purchase the same way it's not fair for me to assume your face had an unfortunate meeting with a wall or an ugly stick causing you to look the way you do when I walk up to the counter. Mind you, I'm feeling bad for your face situation while you're wanting to lash out at me...at least my concern is genuine!

And that boys and girls, is my Friday rant. To end it off, I share with you a picture of some dude who stopped in the middle of a one way street to jump on the hood of his car and danced his little heart out. I took this yesterday while enjoying a mean fish curry dinner with a dear friend of mine on a patio (Oh yea I did) here in the hood. Where do I find these people?!

Happy Friday my lovelies.

Tash

The truth about pregnancy - Hello my name is, Natasha and I'm.... Obese? Really? Seriously?!

2013-06-18T16:28:00.000-04:00

Oh the wonders of pregnancy. I truly am enjoying the experience despite its levels of craziness at times. I can tell you there is no feeling better than feeling this little munchkin kicking me in the ribs. Normally if someone kicked me in the ribs they`d have something coming but in this case I find it just precious and endearing. Now on with this post!!

As you saw in my last post, I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes a couple of weeks back and I won't lie, I've gone through the stages of denial, anger, depression and acceptance to come to terms with the it is what it is factor to be able to manage my situation. For those of you not familiar with GD it can be a result of a few factors such as age, genetics, weight, diet and a number of other factors. Genetics does a play a big part of it, the biggest in fact. Basically if your parents are diabetic, which both mine are, you my dear are pretty much shit out of luck. Moving on, having met my Endocrinologist I was sited three reasons for my GD issue. Genetics as the major cause, followed by age as I'm over 31 and Obesity..wait, what? That's right, Obesity. No joke!! Here's the proof.

Now I don't know about you but when I think about you but when I think of Obese I think of Honey Boo Boo's mom, bless her obese little heart.

Apparently that's not the case. Obesity is decided on a simple BMI factor which considers weight and height. Listen, I'm not claiming to have been in the best shape of my life but I did not expect to be called obese by any means!! Believe it or not, this gets even better. So there I am attending a GD class where I'm told about eating healthy and provided a "strict diet" that is supposed to keep my blood sugar in check. Now if you know me you know at least three things about me:

1) I love, I mean LOVE food.
2) I'm a nutrition Junkie who's managed to feed ani-healthy eaters extremely nutrient packed foods and antioxidants while depriving them of their beloved junk food and fillers without them even noticing the switcheroo.
3) I know a lot more about food and the reaction one's body has to everything you put in your mouth than most people do. It's my obsession and my passion.

To top it off, I've had the fear of God in me about diabetes so I know how to prevent diabetes and control it like no one's business. Sitting through this class, I'm handed a guide that includes things like white rice, white potato and a number of other things that should generally be avoided as they lack the ability to truly feed your body well. I should also mention that I played dumb and started eating this "diet" fully knowing it would mess with my blood sugar and not keep me "fed" because well...I have a weakness and it's food and sometimes I try new things to see what happens. The diet, just so you know consists of 4 to 6 times what I'm used to as my starch and grain intake. Though I fully tried to consume the said amounts of food, I just couldn't do it. Upon finishing half of the given amount, I felt like I was suffocating or possibly suffering a heart attack. Needless to say, when I measured my blood sugar it was sky high. Given the fact that I felt overly full to the point of wanting to throw up and my blood sugar being frighteningly high as a result, I decided to go back to my regular portions, take out the refined starches (eg White rice and pasta) and only take it what I can (1/4-1/2 cup) of quinoa, brown rice and whole grain pasta. I also increased my vegetable intake as I love to do and it was business as usual and hmmmm lookie lookie what came down to normal levels! MY BLOOD SUGAR!

Next step, chat with the dietitian. Also keep in mind I've also been keeping a food log at this point. The conversation started as "Ummm wow you eat really healthy...I'm not sure what I can change" To which my inside voice remaining inside responded "what did you expect to see ice cream and chocolate all around?". Anyways she tells me that she doesn't want me going hungry, HA she obviously doesn't know me, so she wants me to not cut my "carbs" so much and spread it out over my snacks. I'm also told that "restricting my diet" with this "special diet" may cause a little weight loss but that she is afraid I will lose too much weight. Are you kidding me? I`ll have to have the Jerry Springer team break me out of this house with a crane if I eat on this special diet of yours!!

So far if you've kept up, I was told I was obese but now I'm told I can't be losing weight. MAKE UP YOUR MIND PEOPLE!! Just so we`re clear I'm still gaining about a 1 lbs /week or slightly more which is what's expected at this point. I should also put in a side note that I do see a naturopath on a regular basis and my balanced diet is also something that we've worked on that has worked for a long time taking into consideration my food sensitivities and my family history of diabetes along with my chances of becoming diabetic in the long run if I don`t get on it as well so I'm not just coming up with random food intake out of my ass :D.

Anyways I guess what this has taught me and led me to believe is that the medical world tends to generalize everyone and group them without any additional consideration (If I'm not hungry, full of energy, and I'm eating well then trying to force feed me that also pushes my blood sugars up and makes me tired is not the solution). Please don't take this as me discrediting the medical profession as this is not my intended goal. My point is you need to be open to other ideas and perhaps a more natural approach at times to help you keep your body healthy. What sense would it make for me to over feed myself to the point of discomfort then take insulin to force my body to digest the excess food? To be called Obese, a bit harsh, told that white rice and brown rice are the same (not true brown rice has the extra fiber that fills you up faster and keeps you full longer) based on generalization is questionable. Decide for yourself but given that I look and feel fabulous and our baby is perfectly healthy and active, I find it hard to believe that my clean eating is going to be more harmful that the millions of other prego sisters that are filling their bodies with junk (not judging just saying) that have the luck of genetics on their side that allows them to go through this experience without GD.

And that is my soap box rant for the day. To end this off, I shall show you a picture of a drunk dude I caught with his pants down pissing in front of my neighbor's car/house that I took after accusing him of indecent exposure and posting it on twitter for all to see.

Until next time!

The truth about pregnancy: It's all fun and laughter until someone pops a rib?!

2013-06-08T14:00:00.003-04:00

Laugh together everyday. This is one of the pieces of advice that's commonly given to you when you get married by those who have life experience. It's great advice seeing life is so full of things to smile about yet we forget to enjoy those moments and somehow get distracted by the things that aren't so joyful.

Two things that you can always count on me for are being able to laugh things off and also being a Google self diagnosing hypochondriac. Two things that not normally tied together. Over the years, I've diagnosed myself with skin cancer, infertility, pregnancy when it was a flu, allergies etc etc. Non were accurate of course but I still do it. It's a problem, but ultimately when I go to the Doctor, share my diagnosis and they look at me like I was dropped on my head and I question their qualifications, as if Google is a better qualifier than medical school, finally except that their diagnosis and remedy worked, I'm able to go back and laugh at myself about it. This post sort of wraps these traits all in one painfully funny package.

Val and I have always had a laughter filled relationship. Especially when taking road trips we tend to find fun no matter where we're headed and part of this is always him quizzing me on the little towns that we drive by and sharing random "facts" with me which I'm never quite sure are true or not. Luckily I'm able to Google most things now and validate his random stories before I fall for them sending both of us into insane fits of laughter. This trip was no different. We decided that for our "babymoon" we'd take a camping trip to Killarney which is a good five hour drive away.

Once on the road Val once again started quizzing me this time on Sudbury. "What is Sudbury known for" he asks. I honestly had no clue which naturally amuses my dear husband and he decides to make a game out of this by giving me a clue. His clue, "they have a statue of a beaver". So I start rhyming off anything that I think would justify having a giant beaver statue in the middle of town. Beaver damns, Beaver lodges, beaver tails, strip clubs (yea I went there), logging, beaver farm (I don't think there's such a think but hey why not). With each guess, Val's laughter grew more hysterical sending me into a laughing frenzy complete with tears streaming down my face and shortness of breath. The guessing game continues where Val says, "what's on the back of a nickle I said", a beaver he says okay so you want to take another guess? So I continue in between fits of laughter, "Nickle factory?" Which sends us both into hysterics he says " Nickle factory? Seriously?" and the laughter progressed until suddenly I felt a pop in my rib cage and that was the end of my laughing. Four hours into our drive I now had an insane amount of pain in my ribs and it hurt to breath. Once I was able to position myself into a comfortably in my seat, I started Googling to see what the heck had happened and I finally self diagnosed myself with having a dislocated bottom rib. Reading further I found that there's pretty much no other solution other than having someone pop it back into place, which I was not about to do, and getting rest. Suddenly it dawns on us that camping is no fun when you can't move at all. Val also decides that I'm not a pregnant gimp which sends me into another laughing fit which at this point is horribly painful but I just can't stop. Visions of myself wobbling around all gimpy are just irresistibly funny to me. For the first time, I would have preferred being in a grumpy hateful relationship where laughter was not a common occurrence to save me the physical pain (Not a true wish but made perfect sense at the time). After a long debate of should we hit the hospital or continue on our path I stubbornly decided we shall continue. Did I also mention I'm as stubborn and a mule? I also decided this would be good practice for an epidural free birth (see mule comment above). Long story short, the insane amount of pain cut our trip short and we came back and I managed to see a Chiropractor only to find out that what I was experiencing was actually a muscle spasm of some sort. Go figure my Google self diagnosis fails me again. I really have to stop doing that I tell ya. After 2 visits, a lot of stretching and icing I'm finally able to move again which is awesome but I tell you, with 10 weeks to go I'm wondering what other random rib popping surprises will peek their funny heads out of the woods.

What I learned from this incident:
1) Camping at 7.5 months pregnant is probably not the best idea I've had
2) Listen to Val when he questions my wanting to camp this far into pregnancy
3) I'm not super woman
4) Google is not qualified as a diagnostic tool
5) I'm not a Doctor
5) It's all fun and laughter until someone pops a rib

When the unexpected expected catches up with you...as do the hormones

2013-05-28T17:56:00.003-04:00

In the past couple of weeks I've shared with you the funny moment, the yummy moments and sometimes the strange moments that no one shares with you about pregnancy. Today I'm sharing with you a slightly different post that I've been working out in my head for a while now. This post formed as I got a call back from the hospital to let me know I've tested positive for gestational diabetes and it just broke me somehow.

Diabetes is something that runs in my family and part of my endless effort to stay active and healthy has been to avoid diabetes. Now I’m fully aware that this is a common condition in pregnancy yet somehow I can’t shake the feeling that despite everything to this point I lost this battle. I think I’ve spent my entire life competing with all forms of diabetes and now I feel like I lost the race. Mind you diabetes is somewhat of an unknown participant in this imaginary competition and I’m fully aware that this is a shit happens situation and I just have to deal with it. The insane competitor in me though just won’t let it rest. Aside from everything else that goes on during pregnancy, this is the one that broke my zen state of being. This also got me thinking about all my friends who have been pregnant before me.

I've often wondered why my pregnant girlfriends go into their shell and seem to pull away. The paranoid me has thought maybe they don't feel I can hang out with them because I don't have kids. Maybe they are so busy they don't have time for us anymore. I'll be honest sometimes I also think maybe I said something to upset them or perhaps our friendship is over because they can no longer relate to me. Now being on the other side of the fence I see things differently. There's light shining on things that were hiding in dark mysterious corners previously and sometimes, the things hiding in the shadows aren't as pretty or as simple as one may think. Mind you, things that hide is dark shadowy corners are never pretty are they?!

Having thought endlessly about this in the past while and having this humbling moment of zen crashing at this time has made me realize that sometimes it really is isolating being pregnant. No matter how strong of a support system you have sometimes you can’t help but crawl into your shell and take cover in an effort to try and re-introduce yourself to this new you. You’re body has changed, you can’t walk at a normal pace and you curse the day the person that invented stairs was born. Aside from all the other stuff you have to prepare for, there are the expected unexpected things. You know things that you hear about but in the back of your head you think that will never happen to me. For example, the moment you look in the mirror and think holy F*&k when did my boobs get so massive?! Where are my feet? Why am I wobbling when I walk? When did my waist line get THAT big? Oh and 190lbs? I smell baby back ribs!! Then GD hits and you blow a gasket. You hear women talking about looking at themselves it the mirror and not recognizing the person staring back at them and suddenly you get it. It’s real. You know what they’re saying because you don’t know this “stranger”. I still find myself wanting or sometimes attempting things I used to be able to do like hiking, jogging, speed walking or heck just bending over to put on shoes and when you do that and can’t breathe, it stuns you. You wonder “is this how it will be then?”. I’ve gone from Wonder Woman to Fat Bastard!!

Before:

After:

Through all this though I am reminded of my amazing support system that is there supporting me through every step of the way. A husband that is my best friend and my rock. The one who is always the shining light at the end of every dark tunnel that I’ve crossed since I met him. The one who never judges me for all the moments of insanity I have which can be often. My friends and family who are there giving me love and supportive words of wisdom when I need it. My wonderful dogs who show nothing but unconditional love to us that puts a smile on my face every day and help start my day off right. All of this reminds me that no matter what is going on in my own crazy little head, life is full of beauty and goodness. Most importantly it reminds me that I’m not alone. Being alone is a terrible thing and that is one thing I am not.

So to my wonderful superhero girls out there who’ve done this before me, you are not alone either. Even though sometimes our thoughts and life in general can boggle the mind and make us lose track, know that you always have a life full of good things that will trump all the overwhelming moments that are nothing but obstacles for us to overcome and make us stronger. Just keep pushing through the expected unexpected and the crazy hormones that catch up with you once in a while.

More Food Less speed

2013-05-13T12:09:00.000-04:00

As a society we've been taught to watch our portions and to eat slowly and if you over eat people will look at you funny and you will feel bad about yourself afterwards. As a pregnant woman I can tell you everything changes. Of course as per my last post there's always a few of those crazies who are still so worried about how they look in a bikini and that's obviously a deeper issue than I care to discuss. What I will talk about is the sudden delightful change of people praising you for your frightening appetite and the oober nurturing individuals around you cheering and praising you for out eating a 250lb man at any given time.

Another thing we all strive for in our lives is to keep active. Those that know me, know that I tend to keep pretty active with running, yoga and weights at the gym. Once summer hits, I bike anywhere and everywhere I can for no other reason that it makes me feel like a kid again because it's so fun! So it should be no surprise when I tell you I thought I'd still be doing all of the above but with less impact. Well I was wrong, I'm still active but I've had to listen to my body and let it tell me what it's okay with. Like it or not, you don't have as much balance, speed or oxygen to work with and the back pain also dictates your life to some point. But becoming completely inactive is my absolute nightmare and it messes with my mood and trust me you don't want to see me upset. I'll tell you all about my active adventures in this post as well.

First the food. Oh the food. As someone who loves food to all hell at all times, being pregnant is a dream come true for me. In my non pregnant state I eat a healthy and well balanced diet and make sure to control my portions and while I probably eat more junk food now, I still do stick to the healthy nutrient foods for the most part. The difference now is that the further along I get in my pregnancy with little Chili, the more ferocious my appetite gets. I remember when my portions increased a few months back I was a little scared to be frank. I would eat double what I was normally used to eating and not flinch and I was a bit confused. I admit I did send an email or two to a few friends who had gone through pregnancy before to see if my raging hunger was "normal" and once they confirmed that it only gets worse from here, I felt like I'd won the lottery!!! I'm not kidding, endless food = lotto win in my book. Luckily I've had no major food aversions other than the inability to touch or smell raw chicken but I can eat it just fine...along with anything else in my path at this point. So I figured I'd share some of my food parties here with you my readers. Warning: Read at your own discretion, while not all are insane moment of hunger, some may frighten you at times. Parental discretion is advised.

All meats are welcome - A few weeks ago I was famished so Val and I headed to Swiss Chalet as we were out and about. He really wanted to have a bit of ribs but didn't want to order them and I offered to order a half rack along with a quarter chicken, baked potato and a dinner role. Well he tried A rib bone and I ate everything else and still felt like I was starving. I'm talking I have not eaten in days starving!! So I ordered cheesecake and that too left me slightly more full but still hungry. I decided I'll just let that digest for a bit.

Sardines?! Yes Please!! - In our house, the minute the weather gets warm, we start having family over for some good old Portuguese Sardine BBQ's. This past weekend was no exception. We fired up the grill, made roasted pepper salad, sliced up some fresh baked corn bread and grilled up the sardines for a Mother's day bash. Now no BBQ is complete without BBQ's so Cheese, grilled Chorizo sausage and Corn Bread along with some delicious shrimp patties are a must have. I started my feast with 3 or four slices of the corn bread, possibly a lbs of cheese, two shrimp patties the size of my palm and a sausage. Luckily I had time to digest so the actual lunch was 3 sardines, 2 pcs of bread, and a massive serving of the roasted green pepper salad. Lucky for me, I actually crave vegetables and greens so it still keeps me balanced...well you know as in getting my vegi servings. Then I took a nap.

Cheeeeeeeeeeeese - I'm slightly lactose intolerant In fact my food sensitivity tests have shown that Milk is my enemy yet cheese and yogurt are just fine. Something about the consistency of the sugars and proteins? Regardless, the point I'm trying to make is that especially during pregnancy one needs to make sure to get a good supply of calcium which makes for strong bones for the baby. Milk is always the first thing people push you towards but being I can't handle a glass of milk never mind the required amount, I have chosen cheese as one way of in taking this required calcium. Well cheese and I have always had a very good relationship. What's changed now is that we can't seem to buy enough cheese. I go through a couple of lbs a week easily. I have it for breakfast, lunch and dinner and the snack in between. I might as well be bathing in at this point, the only thing that's stopped me is the smell...and the fact that it would be cheese wasted.

Green smoothies - I've always loved smoothies of all kinds. They are a great snack, a great way to get your fibre protein, calcium, fruits, veggies and all the vitamins that you'd want. With the farmers market back in full force and the garden on it's way I have found the green smoothies to be a great way for me to get a delicious part of my breakfast in smoothie form that's nutritious and sorry for the TMI but it prevents one from suffering from one of the most commonly talked about pregnancy problems, constipation. I always say, a tbsp of flax seed a day keeps the clogging away. Val is also liking them, working on the love, so it's something I will continue to use to get my little Chili is serving of goodness on a daily basis as well :)

Mother's day feast - As yo may have gathered by now, I'm a foodie. A big time foodie with a real passion for the traditional foods of all cultures including my own. Persian. Growing up in Iran, one of my favourite breakfast foods was Kaleh Pache, a traditional lambs head and hoof stew. Yes I said breakfast..don't knock it till you've tried it. It's fairy rare to find here in Canada but lucky for me a new restaurant has opened near our house that serves it. There was no question as to where I would take my mom for brunch then! We started off with two roasted eggplant dishes between my parent, Val and I but soon in became apparent that I was dominating those items and everyone delighted by my appetite praised as I devoured. Then came the main Meal, so picture this massive bowl of soup filled with meat and a hearty broth and bread which I ate faster than anyone could say boo. Originally my mom asked if I wanted to share to which my response was a puzzled "is that a joke?" look which made everyone laugh because well, clearly sharing is not my thing at this point. My dad puts it this way "if you want to starve, share with Tash. By the time you pick your piece of bread, she'll be licking the plate clean". I can't say he's not right. So as I looked up from my bowl after making sure there wasn't even a drop of broth left in my bowl, I realized I was a mile ahead of everyone else at the table. So I did what any responsible prego would do. I assisted others with finishing their food! How kind of me right?! Needless to say I think I'm pretty much a source of amusement in the same way as a freak show performer. AWESOME! In case you're wondering, yes I did have dinner, Oxtail and rice and peas. No I had not skipped breakfast that's just silly.

Now that I've divulged my happy food secrets, let talk activity. Clearly with the food consumption on upward trend it's important to keep active and not just to avoid having your joints give up on you but because it helps you with the changes your body goes through with belly expanding, breaths shortening, hips opening etc. I have found pre-natal yoga to be extremely helpful. It helps with pain relief, breathing and eventually surviving labour by easing pain with movement and positions. It also helps to be around other pregnant women going through similar experiences because lets face it being pregnant can get pretty lonely unless you're out there able to relate to others and see that you're not alone. Some of you may be surprised to realize I'm a bit of a "hippie". All about feel good vibes, energy, saving the earth, eating organic, avoiding chemicals and GMO products and sharing my feelings. Ahh yesss I know there are some of you who may gasp at the realization that I am all about sharing my feelings and feeling all Zen and all that good stuff. It keeps me balanced. I am a Cancer after all. So needless to say all of this has become even more crucial during this time in our lives. Also not being able to run, another balancing method, I've had to find other alternatives to keep me sane as my body changes. So here are the moment that I thought would be fun to share:

Cry Baby - My first day of prenatal yoga I had no idea what to expect. I'd been told many different things and was curious to see what it would be like for me. At the beginning of class, we were asked to share what feeling consumed us. I blurted out that I was overwhelmed and amazed by the amount of unconditional love I felt for this little being that I had in my belly. There was a pause, then there were tear filled eyes around the room followed by offers for tissue..lol. Apparently I make mama's cry. It was nice.

I Can Do it!! - As I said I ran prior to pregnancy. I loved it, in moderation, because it was a way for me to balance my mind. I've tried running while pregnant and my body just wont allow it. Walking it is then. My dear friend and running buddy has been an awesome support by joining me at High Park on the weekends for a brisk walk that seems to be getting slower every week. She's been training for a half marathon, SO PROUD, and uses this time as her "off day" or "cross training day. A few weeks ago we did 8-10 km and it felt great while we were doing it but my back made me pay for my deeds. It turns out I can't just do things the way I want any more...hmm who knew!

Beat me again - Telling you I'm a runner and for some of you knowing I've ran a few races including a half marathon, may have led you to believe I'm a good runner. Well I'm not. I'll be 100% honest about that. In fact my track record as a runner includes being beat by children under the age of 10, blind runners with a guide runner, amputees, seniors and possibly snails. But I enjoy it so I keep going. As a walker though, I'm a pretty fast walker that's just my normal walk mode. But as always, pregnancy changes things. The other day, I went for a walk with Val to the farmer's market. Val is a comfortable stroller kinda guy who tends to scold me for being in a rush all the time when we go for walks. On this particular day, he turned to realize I was a good 20 ft behind him because my walk has slowed down to a crazy slow wobble. In fact, there was this old dude with a cane that passed me and I could have sworn to give me a smug look to boot. Sneaky old bastard!!

That's all for now. Thanks for reading. Stay tuned and I shall tell you more about the glories of having a growing little munchkin in your belly and all the funny things that go with it.

What it's really like to be pregnant

2013-05-09T15:09:00.002-04:00

I've been meaning to blog again for a while...I guess 2 years is a long while. Life gets so busy when you're living it to the fullest I guess. With renovations done, well for now at least, the backyard in full bloom (pictures to follow). We are now preparing to welcome a new addition to our family of four, a little baby boy yet to be named. For now he's known as Chili as named by my lovely niece. Funny thing you learn during pregnancy is that people are quick to offer advice, express opinions and share horrible birth stories out of the goodness of their hearts. What they don't exactly tell you about is what happens during pregnancy. It's almost as if they are embarrassed about certain things that are actually quite funny. What they do tell you is about morning sickness, how magical it is to feel the baby's movements, swelling, discomfort and in some cases, tearing from head to toe. I'm here to tell you about the other stuff. The stuff that for some reason never gets shared in public despite it's occasional hilarity. So sit back, grab a drink of choice and let me tell you about what pregnancy is really like:

The Turtle Flip - One of the first things I noticed was not being able to get out of bed without feeling like a turtle on it's back. Having been in good shape prior to pregnancy sitting up in bed was never an issue until one day I found myself flapping my limbs around unable to just sit up as I did. Now it probably sounds awful but truthfully I can tell you that once you get over the shock, it's actually quite funny especially, I'd imagine, if you were watching this entire scenario from another person's perspective. I've always had a love for all living creatures but now I have a new respect for those that get flipped on their backs and unable to get up.

The Surprise Vomit - Morning sickness is one thing but at some point heart burn kicks in. Now you may be rolling your eyes and thinking "yea that's nothing new". Well before you skip over this one, I want to tell you what the heartburn does in addition to just sucking. It creates what I refer to as the "Mentos/Coke effect". Oh yes you read it here folks. Imagine yourself sitting there not nauseous and just minding your business and BOOM vomit comes out all over you and your surroundings and you are just confused and unable to register what has just happened. Again, Oh if I was a fly on the wall.

Where was I? - Then there are the dreams. Oh the dreams that come with those lovely hormones. I remember a few where I was holding this baby in my arms thinking you are the most beautiful creature in the world. Then realizing that I'm only a few months pregnant and confused about how this baby is full grown and why you don't recall being there to birth this lovely creature. I call it wishful thinking because somehow I doubt that you wouldn't notice the grand exist..no matter how hard you try.

Tooting The Horn - You fart like a trucker. Yes I said it. I remember laughing at my dogs because they fart themselves awake then look around confused followed by an accusing look like I'm the culprit. Now I understand. At first you have control and you just don't care...but then comes a point where you don't even know you were gassy or that you farted. You're just sitting there, minding your business and perhaps turn your head a little too fast and that's when it happens. It's loud and proud and with your luck it always happens in the party of people you just don't have that sort of comfort with. You feel somewhat ashamed but then if you're me, you burst out laughing like an idiot because hell if you can't laugh at yourself then who can you laugh at??!!

The Charlie Horse Wake Up Call - I ran my first, and last, half marathon a couple of years ago and as I hit the 18 km mark, my body decided to rebel and I experienced a full body charlie horse. It was excruciating to say the least but in my mind quitting is never an option and I pushed myself through it thinking I never want to experience that again. Fast forward two years, almost to the anniversary day of that lovely experience come to think of it, I get a rude wake up call of a charlie horse in my calf at 5 am. If you know me you know I'm not exactly alert when I wake up. So getting woken up with this flash of pain that won't quit all I can do is scream and breath like I'm in labour and my poor husband wakes up not knowing what is wrong and unable to get a single word of explanation out of me thinks I've gone into labour but not sure why I have my leg up in the air and flapping my arms like a bird.

The Ass Kicking - I remember the first time I felt our little munchkin move and I won't lie, it was magical! In fact it still makes me smile when I see my belly jump or just feel him doing whatever it is he's doing in there to amuse himself. This is not news of course. What you don't hear is this. Sometimes I feel like he's kicking me in the ass hole. Yes that right in the corn hole!!!! You're probably sitting there wondering what that must feel like. Well it kind of feel like if you're poo decided to fight you for trying to evict it. Awesome I know! Another kicking story, our Dog Zoya is a big fan of snuggling and she often rests her head on our stomachs. Well until a while ago where she got the karate kid kick in the head from the baby...and I got the stink eye like I was the culprit. Since then she doesn't seems to trust the belly much and who can blame her.

Crave much? - I've always been one to ask everyone if they are craving anything strange and for the most part no one around me has. Except my aunt who really enjoyed dirt. I started off craving food which is still here. Mind you that's no different from my normal state it's just now I can out eat all the men in my family in a sitting. A few weeks ago I went to feed the Dogs and the minute I opened the dog food, all I could think was "WOW that smells amazing" and before I knew it I had to stop myself from reaching down and grabbing a fist full as the poor little guys looked at me thinking "I thought we didn't share food". I did manage to stop myself but it still smells amazing and there a couple of people (you know who you are!!) that are still very pro me eating dog food for their amusement. NOT HAPPENING..well unless I can't find anything else in the house. You think I'm kidding!

Stroller vs Little Red Wagon - In my mission to find a light weight compact stroller I found myself in the midst of a total break down in the middle of Toys R Us unable to figure out how to fold the damn things up and when I managed to do that, unfolding them was another chapter in that challenge. In the end I was close to decided to the little red wagon path instead..luckily I have lovely friends with kids who were able to provide guidance. There has to be a better way!!!

Call Me Judge Judy - Hearing other pregnant women say "Oh I'm so fat, I've gained weight". Need I say more.

Some People are Just Sweet as a peach Cobbler - I tend to hibernate during the winter which means my neighbours are now seeing me with a big belly and in an effort to not be rude they react with confused looks with eyes darting from my belly to my face and ask "errr so what's...new" and I being the jerk that I am respond with "Oh nothing you know same old same old" and let laugh hysterically on the inside until I've made them feel awkward enough and finally put them out of their misery by saying "yes I'm pregnant my diet has not changed" and they let out a big sigh of relief and inform me that they didn't want to be rude and ask just in case not realizing that their eyes betrayed them long ago.

That's all for now I guess. Stay tuned for more of life at 18 Emerson.

Sorry I Blogged Off

2011-10-13T15:17:00.000-04:00

Well I guess it's been quite a while since I've blogged. To tell you the honest truth, I've been thinking about it for a while now. But, life truly took over and now I'm back!!

It's been just over a year since we bought our little red house on Emerson. But the little red house won't be red for long..We're PAINTING!! You'll have to wait and see what it looks like when it's done. As for the rest of the house, we spend the summer landscaping the backyard. To be perfectly honest I had my moments of "I've had enough" and "this sucks" regularly but now that it's almost done I have to say it looks fantastic. I think anyone that sees the backyard now is shocked by it's makeover and at times, so am I. Stay tuned for more pics of the makeover.

As for the Adventures of 18 Emerson, we haven't really done much other than a few BBQ's. Once we got the kitchen in, we stopped eating out for a few months. Believe me when I tell you no matter how much you like eating out, being forced to eat out will make you hate it. It's not forever though not to worry. All in all though, it's truly and awesome feeling to come home and get that ahhh I'm home feeling that can't be beat by any sort of random partying or dining out.

Come this winter I'm hoping to throw a Christmas party to get the true living and adventures done at A18 Emerson. In the meantime sorry I blogged off for so long.

Oh how time flies when you get your kitchen back

2011-02-03T00:06:00.000-05:00

I realize it's been oh let's see...6 months since I've posted anything. I can come up with a million excuses as to why I've waited this long. Mainly, I just got lazy. With that said, let me give you a quick review of what's happened at 18 Emerson since the last post.

After Puffy passed away, we found the house was missing something. It was missing the little footsteps that gave it life. We weren't thinking kids if that what you think. Think about it, we just spent four months living in reno zone. In fact, we were just looking at the pictures and neither of us can believe we were crazy enough to live here while it was all going on. Anyways, long story short, we adopted two little puppies; Teddy & Zoya.

They certainly added a...twist, to the whole getting settled in task. In fact they helped us unpack the million boxes that were sitting in every room. Okay well they chewed through the boxes which forced us to get off our butts and get it done. That's considered help isn't it? All chewing, peeing,chewing barking, chewing, pooping and (did I mention chewing?) aside, they've brought us a lot of happiness and some good laughs.

Other than that, we're finished the first major phase of renovations. Yes I said first phase. We still have the basement and mudroom to do. K so maybe we haven't been THAT busy we just got really excited that we can sit around and watch TV and cook in our beautiful new kitchen and eat home cooked meals again. So Excited that we've done nothing else for six month ..sigh time really does fly when you get your kitchen back. Take it from me, as fun as eating out can be, it can become a chore when you're forced to do it ALLLLL the time. Well my laptop is all out of batteries so I promise, I'll put up pictures before the end of this weekend. Until then, Thanks for reading!

Sometimes things don't go as expected

2010-07-14T12:57:00.000-04:00

I'm devastated to announce that we recently lost a very important member of our household. Our beautiful kitty Puffy.

This last little while was full of changes for Puffy as he suddenly decided he was an outdoor cat. From there, his days were busy with all his exploring, cat fights, sun bathing, walks in the neighborhood, peeing on everyone's tools and whatever else his little heart desired. Unfortunately his health was not able to pick up as his spirit had and we had to say goodbye to him earlier than we wanted to. Though we were hoping he would be with us a lot longer than he was, I guess sometimes, things don't go as expected. Thankfully he was able to die a peaceful death in an induces sleep in my arms and know that he was loved unconditionally.

Puffy was loved unconditionally by not only Val and I but by many of our friends and family members and he will be missed very dearly. I must say there's an emptiness in Happy 18 Emerson that is his absence but he will be remembered in the fondest ways possible.

Puffy's ashes will be brought home and spread out in the backyard where he was most happy so that he can be with us as we continue improving and building our little nest and he will always be a part of us, our lives and 18 Emerson.

Thanks to all our family and friends who have been there to support us as we go through this really rough time in our lives.

We love you Puff.

Just like the Energizer bunny, the renos keep going and going and going and going..............

2010-06-09T00:10:00.000-04:00

I'm so flattered that everyone is so interested in the state of renovations at the house. So flattered in fact that after a crazy full day at work that makes me want to pass out on the spot, I listen to the needs of my people and I blog!

It's funny that we don't actually realize how crazy it is living in the midst of insane renos until multiple people start asking you when you're moving in. There is that awkward moment where you look at them and say "we moved in a month ago" which is usually followed by another moment of uncomfortable silence (mostly for them, surely they must feel like a douche) and finally, there's the attempt of redemption which usually goes like this: "Oh wow, good for you guys!". Listen, we know you're traumatized, you don't have to pretend! All stress aside, it's actually sort of fun sort of like camping with more noise and no lake to swim in. Mind you if we had a lake in here then we'd be worried.

I'm happy to report that we have the first check mark on our looooooonnnnnnnggggg list of to do's. Ahh yes I bet you're dying to know what it is aren't you?! Well I don't want to keep you waiting so here it is:

That's right folks! You are looking at a brand new, laundry/makeshift kitchen tap! Impressed? We're very proud indeed.

Speaking of the Laundry/makeshift kitchen, the washer and dryer were to arrive on Saturday. We were so excited to finally have an opportunity to do laundry at home without having to hang with the crackies for a change. The delivery guys shows up with his "I smoke 8 packs a day" voice acting like he's doing this for free, does some measurements only to let us know that the washer and dryer we've been waiting for does not fit. Then he steals our precious Lawn toilet flush handle thingie and takes off like a bat out of hell, with our W/D. Crap! And so we go back to the drawing boards to look for a smaller W/D but after looking in a few locations, we decided to see if we can break some more stuff down, mainly a door way to see if that gives us the space we need to keep our original machines.

In the meanwhile, my lovely brother in-law was busy tearing down wall paper at the house. He was doing an outstanding job too! We were all excited with all the progress at the house and we decided to get right in there and after doing some measuring, Val's fabulous uncle Louie, took a hammer and crow bar (is that how you spell it?) to the frame and took that shit down!!

Unfortunately, for Paul, the wall that he was working on came with it :S.

Well, new walls it is then!

While this was happening...

My super awesome father in-law has been on our case about putting tiles on the wall. We didn't quite understand why, give then beautiful Pepto Bismol pink tiles mixed in with random floral patterns, luxurious Pepto pink cardboard mixed in with a lovely array of wall paper left overs. But hey to each their own I guess.

Given the current no Washer Dryer situation, we finally went in and bought some tile so he can ruin our existing fancy decor and put up some tile. You know that saying "be careful what you wish for"? Well, unfortunately for papa Alves, we wanted subway tile :) that's right, awesome, simple small, tile!! Poor thing, spent the next two days putting up tiles.

we're now waiting for the grout to finish the job. Thanks dad!!

Before I bring you above ground i also thought I'd show you what a vintage stove looks like. Isn't it great that adding "vintage" in front of any word, makes it fancy? For example, vintage car, vintage jewlery, vintage dirty diapers...k well maybe not everything. Anyways, here's the awesomeness that is our vintage stove:

So now lets step into the light. The sunlight that is!!
After a day of running around doing God knows what, I came home to find that Val and his brother had been hard at work, cleaning up the front yard. Am I the only one that didn't know weeds can grow into tree form??? WTF?!

Anyways, they were so hard at work that they even inspired kitty to venture out into some yard work.

The only trouble is that kitty's version of yard work involves the neighbour's yard and I suspect some property marking.

Weeds aside though, we also have some fantabulous roses out there that Val wants to take down...you heard it here people! My husband wants to kill my roses. (See honey? Never question me, I will expose you on the blog!!!)

To save my roses, please contact Val and tell him I am right!!

Well, now that that is out of the way, let's move this show to the back. Those of you who have spoken to me at this point will know that we have a cherry tree in the backyard. Val jokes that I bought the house because of the tree....is it a joke? Really? Is it? I've been eating off the tree already; being as impatient as I am. I can't help myself, it's so tempting. If you don't believe me, take a look:

We were also told we have some lettuce in the backyard. I don't know about you but this has to be the strangest looking "lettuce" I've ever seen.

You better hope you don't run into my lettuce in a dark alleyway anytime soon. It'll F*ck you up!!

Well. That's it for tonight folks! Thanks for reading!

Cheers!

P.S. if you want to come see the house, just say so. "Oh, I just happened to be in the neighborhood" is just too obvious ;). Seriously, come by anytime! Just don't be surprised if we hand you a hammer and put you to work.

here by popular demand

2010-06-02T00:42:00.000-04:00

For the last 2 weeks I've been taking pictures of our little house. Okay fine secret confession: I've started taking the pics before we even owned the place :). Anyways the point I'm trying to get to is that I've been taking pictures all through the fix 18 Emerson Project. Here by popular demand are the before and midpoint pictures:

So this takes you all the way to the day we bought our little gem. Here's where we are now:

This past weekend, Val was away and I decided to start removing our wallpaper:

This is what I think about removing wallpaper:

Before I take off, let me show you the very high tech security system!

And finally, here's the beautiful landscape of our spacious backyard:

We like the Zen feel of this tranquil oasis. We're more than happy to help you achieve the same with your backyard as well....for a small fee that is ;). Well that's all she wrote!

P.S. Did I mention we're right on top of the subway? No really, see that building to the left?! Yes, yes it is indeed the good old TTC!!

Cheers,
Tash

The toilet on the lawn

2010-06-01T23:50:00.000-04:00

We came home on Monday after the move to find our toilet on the lawn :S.

Living where we do, there are a few factors that cause a bit of weariness when you have a toilet sitting on the lawn. (No looking like trailer folk ain't even the worst of it) My fear is that some local entertainer aka crack head is going to come and do their business in our lawn toilet (LT). I mean, I work downtown and see people getting their poo on in the street so why wouldn't they consider an LT as an open invite?!

And so everyday for the next couple days I would look in the toilet when I got home hoping that I wouldn't regret my decision. Sure enough, on day three I took a look and I saw this...

You guessed it! It's mysterious liquid!!!! Val swears it was in there from the beginning but I don't see how a toilet keeps its water when you take it out. A few days later we get this in out inbox...

Wow!! The lesson here is:
Stick to landscaping with flowers and plants because LTs attract the wrong sort of attention.

Bloordale: Toronto’s Next Hot ‘Hood

2010-05-31T21:40:00.000-04:00

Speaking of Up and Coming! Man are we good ;)!!!

Bloordale: Toronto’s Next Hot ‘Hood

Welcome to 18 Emerson

2010-05-31T21:16:00.000-04:00

After spending God knows how long, house hunting, a million open houses and a gazillion other viewings. We walked into 18 Emerson and felt that Je ne sais qois that we'd been looking for.

Now bare with me here, you're probably looking at this little house thinking"really? Je ne said quoi? Is that what you call it?!" The thing about us is that we go on vibe and vision. We're not interested in a luxurious new built fancy home, we were looking character, charm and mostly a home that felt happy and that would let us give it love and to also inspire us to start our family and grow. Let's not start any baby rumors here, I'm just talking potential. Don't forget, location location location, we're always looking for up and coming neighborhoods.

Naturally we looked around and saw the character, charm, need for love. The crack heads, pimps and hookers the hard to miss House of Lancaster, along side the fantastic restaurants, vintage and antique shops made up our mind and we made the decision to buy our first home.

Welcome to 18 Emerson! It's been quite and adventure so far.