Adventures in the Parking Structure

Hearing Helicopters

2009-11-28T19:09:00.002-06:00

It's been awhile since Bell Spice has been at the keyboard, mostly because a lot has been going on in my life over the past few months -- a LOT of international traveling following by gf coming home after being away for 6 months.

So you might be expecting to hear about one of those things or about my usual topic: parking. But recently, I've been thinking a lot about helicopters. Mostly because, from my apartment, I hear helicopters not infrequently. This is due to the fact that I'm about a half-mile away from a pretty big hospital, and big hospitals and helicopters seem to go hand-in-hand.

This isn't the first time I've lived in an area where I heard a lot of helicopters. The city I lived in before coming here, I heard choppers daily, but they were normally traffic choppers, since it was a big city and highway congestion was commonplace.

But before that, I spent a year in Iraq, where I lived near the LZ, or landing zone, on our camp. I saw a lot of different kinds of helicopters in Iraq -- and even rode in a Chinook once (as a person who experiences motion sickness, I took a LOT of Dramamine before getting on that bird and otherwise avoided riding helicopters whenever possible).

In Iraq, some birds were cargo and transport, some were medical, some were attack birds. I remember driving in a convoy down the highway one day and seeing an Apache attack helicopter, fully armed, buzzing down the other side of the highway. It was flying maybe ten feet above the rode -- almost as if if was driving down the road rather than flying.

Once a week, helicopters brought our mail up to us from Kuwait. And it was out on the helo pod, helping to unload the overstuffed (and very heavy) mailbags that many of us thought, even if only briefly, about how we could get ourselves into flight school. And on one occasion, a helicopter came to take my battle buddy, who had been wounded by a roadside bomb, to a hospital.

In civilian life, people are often fascinated by seeing a helicopter -- perhaps because they are a bit rare. But for me, they are old hat. But they are also a reminder -- when I see or hear one now, I know that it is flying on hospital business. Having had to put an injured friend on a helicopter in the past, I realize that what might seem 'cool' for those of us watching the helicopter is most certainly not 'cool' for someone else. But I also remember that helicopters also once brought me my mail. And that gives me hope -- that something can be at one time both terrifying and wonderful.

Things I Like Listening To While Laying in Bed in the Morning

2009-08-23T16:47:00.003-05:00

I was feeling a little lazy this morning, and as a result laid in bed for awhile after waking up. While I was laying in bed, I started compiling a list of things I like listening to while I'm laying in bed. This list is likely incomplete, but in nor particular order:

1. The rain
2. Thunder
3. Strong wind
4. A train going down the train tracks that run through my neighborhood

When GF is around, I would also add to the list:

5. GF breathing/sleeping beside me
6. GF in the shower

On the flip side, things I definitely do not like hearing while I'm being lazy in bed include:

1. Birds (what can I say, they rapidly get annoying)
2. Car horns or car alarms
3. Lawn mowers

I'm sure there's more that I could add to both lists if I thought about it a bit longer. The question is, what's on your list?

Catching Up - The Geese, the Art Fairs, and the Travel Doctor

2009-07-26T19:23:00.003-05:00

I realize I haven't written in awhile -- mostly because I haven't been driving to work and therefore don't have any many parking structure-related stories. But there have been things to write about, I've just been busy -- both with work and with putting my creative energies into another writing project I've got going at the moment -- so here's a quick rundown on what's been going on since my last post:

1. The Geese

You might recall the fact that I was annoyed with the geese. And then that I was happy to note that they seemed to have been pushed out of the park by the ducks. Well, as it turns out, the geese have simply moved down river a bit, and rather than hanging out by a path through a park they are now spending their mornings hanging out next to a sidewalk on one of the town's busier streets. I was biking past them just the other day and guess what? They hissed at me again.

The goslings do, however, appear to be growing up fast. They're still a little smaller than the adults, but are certainly getting close to full-size. No doubt, however, they will need intense psycho therapy later in life as a result of having over-protective yet only semi-competent parents.

2. The Art Fairs

Even longer ago, I had written a post about how annoyed I get with pedestrians in the Parking Structure while the Art Fairs are clogging up most of downtown. This year, due to the fact that I now live only a mile from work, I either walked or biked to work every day of the Art Fairs. As a result, my only sources of annoyance were the pedestrians who wouldn't get out of my way while I was on my bike and the fact that, with half-a-million extra people in town for the Fairs, all the bars cancelled their Happy Hour specials -- no need to try to lure people in for a drink when there's suddenly five times as many people wandering around, I suppose.

3. The Travel Doctor

For those of you who are not already away, I'm planning a vacation to Ghana later in the summer. As a result, I had a trip to the travel doctor a few weeks ago to get the necessary vaccinations, medications, and information. Rather than re-iterate my entire travel doctor experience here, I'll simply refer you to the blogpost a friend of mine wrote about going to the travel doctor and tell you to simply replace 'Japanese Encephalitis' with 'Dengue Fever.'

Quick Hit: Ducks Push Geese Out of the Park

2009-06-29T20:20:00.002-05:00

Some of you may remember a couple posts ago when I discussed the oh-so-fearsome geese that kept hissing at my as I walk through the park on my way to work.

I am now proud to announce that the geese are now gone. Although I'm sure there are those who would claim this has something to do with geese migratory patters, falling property values in the park, or the goslings getting old enough to go spend a week with their grandparents, I am convinced it is because of the ducks.

Yes, there are a lot of ducks in the park these days. And part of me suspects that the ducks were not impressed by the geese hissing at them and told them they could take their precious goslings elsewhere if they were so concerned about any other living entity (including, possibly, the grass) coming within 3 feet of them.

So what has this regime change meant for Bell Spice on her morning walk to work?

1. Ducks don't hiss. (Or, if they do, they don't do it around me).
2. Ducks don't crap all over the path through the park.
3. The ducks don't appear to have any ducklings that they're 'protecting.'
4. The ducks seem to realize that if they want some space, it's pretty easy to stay away from the humans (who mostly stay on land) by spending the majority of their time in the water.

The score so far:
Geese, 0; Ducks 1

Where Do You Park a Camel?

2009-06-21T21:22:00.003-05:00

As some of you may know, GF is currently traveling to exciting and exotic locations this summer. She recently shared some pictures of the Egyptian pyramids, and I was not the only person to notice a handful of camels next to one of the pyramids. (Which really helps put the pyramid in the picture in scale.)

This all got me to wondering: where do you park a camel?

Don't get me wrong, I have no doubt that camels are a great mode of transportation in desert climates. I even rode one once (and was surprised to learn that riding a camel is in no way even remotely similar to riding a horse). They're more sustainable than cars, though not as fast. But I still have to wonder about parking.

Once you have the camel at home, I have no doubt that suitable accommodations are not difficult to come by. But what do you do with your camel after you've ridden it to the pyramids (or, for that matter, to the 7-Eleven on the corner)? Do you tie it up the way cowboys always tied up their horses outside saloons in old Western movies? And if so, does that mean that there are 'camel tying posts' conveniently installed near the pyramids?

On a positive note, if you did tie your camel up, I'm sure that whole spitting thing would prevent someone from trying to hijack your camel. Having had my car broken into at least once in the past, having a mode of transportation that didn't include windows wouldn't be such a bad thing. If only camels were suited to Michigan weather . . .

Geese, Ganders, and Goslings

2009-06-04T20:06:00.003-05:00

I've been trying to walk to work more often lately, which has resulted in dramatically less time spent in the Parking Structure and therefore fewer opportunities for Parking Structure-related adventure. So instead, today, I'm writing about my walk to work.

You see, to get to work, I cut through a park, walking along a path next to the river, taking a footbridge across the river, and hopping out to the street on the other side. It's a beautiful way to start the day -- walking along the river. However, 6 families of geese are apparently nesting in or near the park. (I know it's six, because as I was walking home the other day, all six of them were either swimming in the river or nibbling at grass on the bank -- though one family of geese does appear to be a single-parent situation).

Now, I don't have a problem with geese. I mean, I'm not crazy about having to dodge the goose poop which tends to be all over the path, but I can deal with that. And, for that matter, I have many fond memories when, as a kid, my parents would take my sister and I to the Wildlife Sanctuary in Green Bay where, for $1, you could get a paper lunch bag full of corn to feed to the geese (and many of the geese would come up and eat it right out of your hand).

These geese in the park, however, are not about to eat anything out of my hand. It's probably due to the fact that they all have young goslings, but every time I walk past them, they hiss at me! Now, I get the protective animal parent thing. But just a few notes on hissing geese:

1. If you don't want me coming within three feet of your goslings, don't have them within three feet of the path. Definitely don't line them up in a row that stretches across the path.

2. If you're going to get all ticked off and start hissing, you might want to save it for someone who's actually threatening (or, you know, walking in your direction) rather than anybody who's nonchalantly walking by, minding their own business.

3. Do hissing geese actually scare anybody? I mean, sure: they're annoying. But all they do is hiss. They don't advance. So what or who are they actually scaring away? 'Cuz if I was a coyote, I'm pretty sure I'd take one look at a hissing goose an think lunch.

Bell Spice v. The Elevators

2009-05-17T18:38:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile since I've written. But today, I'm bringing you a multi-structure blog post. That's right.

But before I go any further, I should warn anyone who might have an elevator phobia not to read any further.

Here's the crux of it: I'm am convinced that, some day, the Parking Structure elevators will be the death of me. The elevators in the parking structure at work were not working on Wednesday when I left. Which meant I had to climb six flights of stairs to my car. They frequently break. And when they don't break, one can wait 15 minutes before they finally show up to take you to your chosen floor.

One day, some friends and I stepped into the elevator, hit the button for the fifth floor, watched the doors close . . . and stood there. After a couple minutes, we hit the button again, but we remained at ground level. Mercifully, the 'door open' button worked just fine, and we again took the stairs.

On another occasion, I was riding the elevator from the fourth floor to ground level. The elevator oddly stopped between floors, the doors half-opened, and just as I was thinking it might be appropriate to panic, the elevator resumed its decent as if nothing had happened.

It's not like the work parking structure is the only one with dubious elevators. GF and I were recently in Texas, and had to ride the elevator in the San Antonio parking structure. We only had to go down one floor (and we only had to take the elevator due to our somewhat unwieldy luggage) but the elevator was sloooooooooow.

Truth is, I'm not a person who generally has anything against elevators. But parking structure elevators tend to have it in for me. It's only a matter of time, I tell you, before I'm writing a blog post about how one of these elevators tried to kill me . . .

The Most Beautiful Part of the Day

2009-04-02T19:57:00.003-05:00

Most of my parking structure adventures take place in the morning, when I'm still half asleep, when GF and I are on our way into work. But there is an 'adventure' which happens several times a week late in the afternoon or early in the evening. It happens when I get out of work.

You see, the parking structure is between where GF works and where I work. (Admittedly is't a lot closer to my work than GF's.) So when I get off of work, I'll often meet GF outside of the parking structure and from there we'll either drop our bags in my car if we're going out to dinner or just head back to my place or GF's.

When we first started seeing each other, anytime GF and I were meeting, I would find her waiting for me when I arrived. But since then, either I've gotten more punctual or GF has adjusted for me. As a result, recently I've been beating GF to the parking structure, and because the weather is warm enough these days, I'll stand on the sidewalk outside the entrance watching for GF.

I'll wait a few minutes, watching the various people coming toward me down the sidewalk - families, business people, a lot of college students - anticipating, hoping that person I can't quite see behind that group coming towards me is GF. The anticipation is delicious. But the best part, the most beautiful part of the day, is when I do recognize GF, with her bag over her shoulder and her jacket open and her curly hair falling down around her face.

And then I'll walk toward her until we meet up, and ask her how her day went.

And then I kiss her. My work day is over. And we're together.

Way To Go!

2009-03-29T10:18:00.003-05:00

GF and I's latest 'adventure' technically took place in front of the parking structure. But given that I've been writing a lot, lately, about sketching people out, I figured it would do to have a little balance.

It was Thursday, and it was the week of the Film Festival. GF and I had plans to go to Out Night at the festival, which is a screening of LGBT-themed films. Due to a sort of iffy day at work, I was in the mood (oddly) for Buffalo Wild Wings before the festival. GF and I met for dinner and were then going to drop her computer bag off at the office before heading to the theater.

The Parking Structure, as luck would have it, is between the office and BW's, and as we were walking past it, three rather straight-looking people were coming toward us down the sidewalk. GF and I were holding hands and discussing the logistics of the rest of our evening. As the three straight people got near, I could see at least one of them eyeing our hand-holding. I mentally rolled my eyes and resolved not to make eye contact.

But then something surprising happened. We were directly in front of the entrance to the Parking Structure and brushing past the three straight people, and just as we were shoulder-to-shoulder, one of them said, 'Way to Go!'

We all kept walking, of course. But GF and I were both a bit taken aback. Perhaps because it seemed so random. Perhaps because of our previous experience with sketching people out. Perhaps because no one really expects to have thier relationship cheerleaded by random straningers while walking down a sidewalk. But at the end of the day, as much as I enjoy sketching people out, those three words gave me hope that perhaps someday, no one will be sketched out.

Is It Wrong To Be Amused When We Sketch People Out?

2009-03-24T19:09:00.002-05:00

This post isn't directly related to Parking Structures, but it is related to a previous post. Awhile back, GF and I sketched out some random lady in the Parking Structure with our flagrant display of gay-ness. (And by flagrant, I mean that we gave each other a quick kiss while walking from my car to the elevators.

Well, we've done it again. However, this time, we were picking up a few groceries at our local Kroger grocery store.

Admittedly, the checkout lines were a bit long - it was that time of day - the after work rush. So while we were waiting in line, GF and I may have been a bit couple-ish. Maybe the cashier was just sketched out by public displays of affection. Minor displays, mind you. We weren't making out in the middle of the grocery store. Just a peck on the lips here, the cheek there, touching her arm . . . that sort of thing.

By the time we got up to the checkout, obviously, public displays were on hold. We were starving and wanted nothing more than to get out of there so we could get home and make dinner. I don't know if the cashier had seen us making out while we were farther back in line, or maybe I was just oozing gayness out of my pours. But even though I was simply standing there while GF paid for her tortilla shells and Michelob, the cashier was clearly sketched out. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt - maybe the cashier just always looked at people that way - but she couldn't have been more obvious if she'd been wearing a shirt that said 'Oh My God! I Can't Believe You're Gay!'

But here's the real crux of the matter. I tend to think that I should be outraged or indignant or at least a little appalled about running into people who are so clearly sketched out by something that in no way affects their own lives. I should be wondering if they can't even hide their sketched-out-ness in such a public setting, what are they like on the inside?

And yet, at the end of the day, I'm more amused by it than anything else. So the real question is: Does that make me a little twisted? Or just very well adjusted?

Getting in the Way of Love

2009-03-23T20:34:00.002-05:00

The other day, GF and I ran into two friends and co-workers of mine, who happen to be married to each other. I'm not a huge fan of being sociable that early in the morning, and especially not while riding in an elevator I'm convinced will kill me one day. But if anything is going to interrupt those last few moments GF and I have together each morning, it's these two co-workers.

Mr. Co-Worker is the type of that always invites other to exit the elevator before him. Normally, I would see this as a Mr. Co-Worker being a nice guy. But on this day, Mrs. Co-Worker exited first, then stopped to let Mr. Co-Worker catch up, during which time GF and I were attempting to stop and share our ritual 'morning kiss goodbye' before going our separate ways.

Unfortunately, due to Mr. Co-Worker's chivalry, the four of us got tangled up. I inadvertently cut Mr. Co-Worker off, which caused Mrs. Co-Worker to get in between GF and I. As GF and I managed to untangle ourselves from the crowd long enough for a quick peck, Mrs. Co-Worker declared 'I'm getting in the way of love!'

Fortunately, Mr. and Mrs. Co-Worker are friends, so we were able to laugh it off and go on about her lives. But if I learned a lesson that day, it was to plan ahead when exiting the elevator in groups larger than 2.

What Do You Mean, You Don't Know What I Mean?

2009-03-14T16:02:00.002-05:00

Mot of us know that different places have different names for different things. The most commonly recognized, or course, is 'soda' also known as 'pop' also known as 'soft drink' also known as 'coke' (generically) depending on what region on English-speaking North America you live in. There are probably other terms for it as well, but those four seem to be the most prevalent.

There are others, of course. In high school, I was fascinated to learn that people who live on the East Coast play 'Punch Buggy' rather than 'Slug Bug' when they see a Bug car, and had at least one debate as to which phrase was superior in merit.

Another of my favorites is 'bubbler.' Growing up in Wisconsin, 'bubbler' was a common term. However, I also came to realize that outside of Wisconsin (and, it turns out, Boston), most people will look at you like you've got a third eye if you ask where the bubbler is. (For those of you still wondering, a bubbler is a drinking fountain.)

But after living in Michigan for two years, I had trained myself not to say 'bubbler' and assumed that any other such incompatible colloquialisms would have already risen to the surface. I was therefore surprised the night that I was out with friends, and the following exchange occurred as we all decided it was time to go home:

Me: Well, I have to walk back to my car.
Friend: Where are you parked?
Me: The ramp.
Friend: Where?
Me: The ramp? You know, by work?
Friend: The ramp? Oh! You mean the parking structure. Why would you call it a ramp?

It turns out that I've been living in Michigan for two years calling a 'parking structure' a 'parking ramp,' and this whole time no one had known what the heck I was talking about. You think someone might have mentioned the fact that I was speaking nonsense a bit earlier.

Yes, we call them 'ramps' in Wisconsin. And it makes sense, given the fact that there is an incline to the levels of most parking structures. But now that the confusion in cleared up, it does explain a lot. For example, why the first time GF rode in to work with me and I said 'you want to get out at the ramp?' she said, 'no, that's okay . . . I'll just get out here.'

My Favorite Adventure: Sketching Out the Lady With Four Coffees

2009-03-01T09:30:00.008-06:00

My favorite parking structure adventure happened not that long ago, and it's likely much more significant to me (and GF) than it will be to anyone.

It was a very, very cold day. A sub-zero, Arctic-blast wind-chill kind of day. GF and I had driven into downtown together, which is typical when one or the other of us spends the night. GF normally walks or take the bus to work. So whether we've stayed at my place or hers, riding into the parking structure with me cuts her walk time at least in half.

On this particularly cold morning, I was less than graceful in getting out of the car, had to juggle a few different things to lock the car while GF was standing there with her computer bag, probably thinking 'hurry your ass up before mine freezes off.'

There was already a lady waiting by the elevators, with a tray of four Starbucks coffees. She was probably in her fifties, and clearly worked someplace where people dress professionally (or at least she was dressed professionally) and don't come to work in blue jeans or anything of the like. She was already eyeing GF and I a bit suspiciously as we started walking toward the elevators.

Now, the town we live in is a college town, fairly liberal, and definitely one of the most open-minded towns I've lived in. Don't get me wrong, it's got it's problems. It's far from perfect. But it's not unusual to see two women walking down the sidewalk holding hands or giving each other a quick kiss during a game of darts at a local bar/restaurant. So when I dropped my keys, keeping us in the biting cold even longer (if only for a few seconds), I didn't think twice about giving GF a quick kiss as we walked. It's not like we started making out in the middle of the parking structure or anything. And at that point, we were still a good ten yards or more away from the coffee lady anyway. But when I'd gave GF my quick kiss of an apology, coffee lady damn near dropped her coffees on the ground.

She was clearly sketched out by our lesbian display of affection, no matter how small (especially compared to what you would normally see between heteros).

As a result, GF and I refer to that lady as the 'sketched out lady,' and GF occasionally accuses me of looking for her in the parking structure again to see if we can continue to sketch her out.

That day, however, we were fortunate in that, just as we got to the elevators, both arrived at the same time. Sketched out lady got into one. GF and I got into the other. Sketched out lady's elevator was apparently a little faster. There was no sign of her when we exited the structure, which is just as well. If she couldn't handle a quick peck, I have no idea how she would have handled it when we kissed goodbye for the day.

My Parking Structure Pet Peeve, or Not a Pedestrian Paradise

2009-02-24T20:08:00.000-06:00

It won't happen for another 5 months, but having lived through two years of the annual Ann Arbor Street Art Fairs (held each summer in mid-July), I'm not looking forward to the 3rd.

'Why?' you ask. Well, because it wrecks havoc with the parking structure.

You see, the other 51 weeks of the year, the people who park in the same parking structure I do all have an understanding. Mostly, we all understand that, between 8 and 9 am, there's a lot of us arriving for work, and few (if any) people leaving. We drive through the structure a little faster than we probably should, don't bother looking for one open spot that doesn't exist on the lower levels, and (most importantly) once out of our cars, make sure we walk out of the way of other drivers who are no doubt rushing to park in order to get to work on time.

Not so with the Art Fair goers.

New to town, and not so much understanding that those of us who live and work in Ann Arbor still have to get to our jobs during the week of the Fairs.

They creep through the parking structure, inch-by-inch, scowering the rows of cars for one empty space.

NEWS FLASH! There were twenty cars in line to get into the structure when you arrived. Do the math. If there was one empty spot, it'd be taken already. The extra time it will take you to drive up one or two levels higher is certainly offset by the snails pace you drive at looking for the mythical open parking space.

Their worst offense, however, is the fact that they walk, five or more abreast, across the entire width of both lanes (up and down). All I'm trying to do is get to work, and they're busy meandering through the parking structure as if it, itself, is filled with great works of art. (No works of art here, people. Just cars in desperate need of a good washing.)

Aside from being inconsiderate to those of us just trying to earn an honest living, it's kind of stupid, when you think about it. Sure, these people might not realize that we normally fly through the parking structure like it's Daytona International Speedway, but it is a place where cars drive. Would you walk down the middle of a road? Or even down the middle of the lane in parking lot? I certainly wouldn't, because when it comes down to me v. a car, the car is going to win. The best I could hope for is to put a dent in the hood. The car, however, is going to do a lot worse than put a dent in me.

So why, then, would anyone treat a parking structure like a pedestrian paradise?

If you know the answer to that, you're either smarter than I am, or one of those damned Art Fair Tourists.

Don't Leave Your Gym Bag on the Back Seat

2009-02-19T20:17:00.000-06:00

My first 'adventure' came before GF and I were together, and it wasn't much fun (and cost me a couple hundred bucks.

We all Know not to leave 'valuables' and such in plain view in our cars. And yet, one night, as my car was parked at work and I was frequenting a downtown bar with some friends, I absent-mindedly left my gym bag on the back seat of my car.

So of course, when I walked back into the garage around midnight, ready to head home and get some much-needed sleep before heading to work the next day, two cops were standing next to my car, leaving a note on the driver's side window.

They were about to walk away when they saw me approaching my car and asked if it was mind. 'Your car was broken into,' they told me. Someone had broken out the passenger-side vent window in my 2001 Saturn SL2 in an attempt to open the door. This, of course, set off my car alarm which caused the police to show up. Fortunately, aside from a broken window, nothing else was damaged or stolen. Although if they'd really wanted the semi-damp swimsuit and dirty underwear in my gym bag, they'd have been welcome to it.

I was mostly annoyed about the fact that I then had to call the insurance company in the middle of the night and find someone who could come replace the window. And, of course, since it would be two days before I could actually get the window replaced and not wanting to have my car parked in the structure with one window, no matter how small, knocked out, I also needed to a) tape up my window and b) find a friend to give me a ride into work in the morning.

Suffice to say, it was not a pleasant experience, but certainly not the worst of my life. I did learn two things:

1. Don't leave your gym bag sitting on your back seat. Put it in the trunk. (Okay, I already knew that one, but it bears repeating.)

2. If you're going to be up until 2 am sorting things out anyway, you might as well stay at the bar with your friends.

New Blogging Topic

2009-02-19T15:52:00.000-06:00

This might seem a little odd. But it seems that lately I've been having some unique experiences in the parking structure, mostly on my way in to work. And, for better or for worse, they amuse me, and they might amuse you.

So here, for the record and for posterity, are the adventures of Bell Spice and GF in the Parking Structure.