Adventures of a Breastfeeding Mother

Homeschool Update And Suggestions Needed

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 14:03:00 +0000

I haven't really been blogging much about our homeschooling this year, so I thought I would update everyone.

The Mermaid is learning how to read! We are using How To Teach Your Child To Read in 100 Easy Lessons. The book is very structured and scripted, so I wasn't sure if it would work well for us, but The Mermaid loves reading the stories and the scripts make it very easy to teach! So far she is on lesson 33 and is so proud to be reading short stories.

Out of curiosity, I attempted to do a couple of lessons with The Guppy, but she simply wasn't able to sit still and focus enough to get through them. I am surprised however, how much she is picking up simply by listening in the background while The Mermaid and I do a lesson!

I've been a little bit laid back so far this year in terms of math. The Mermaid kept asking if she could learn how to add, and I found a Horizons Math K workbook that I got a while back from a used curriculum sale. She adores math! She insists on doing it independently and having me check her answers after; I simply read the directions and off she goes! It's gotten to the point where we have to save math for last, because if we did it first, she would refuse to stop to do other subjects. She is more than halfway through the workbook.

With The Guppy, I've been doing simple things; learning the letters of the alphabet and the sounds they make, learning how to count, very simple addition, etc. Basically I have one book that we just sit down and read through, as it goes through the alphabet then numbers then shapes and colors, etc. I thought that reading the same book day after day would bore her, but she really enjoys reading her "alphabet book" as she calls it. Afterwards I help her work in her workbook, where we do a lot of matching, connect the dots, sequencing, etc.

We've also just started our first week of Five In A Row. It's only been a week, but so far the girls and I really enjoy it! I plan on writing a review of FIAR soon.

So my question for fellow homeschoolers: I'm looking into history and math curriculum for The Mermaid. She is enjoying the Horizons workbook, but I'm not sure if I want to continue with Horizons or switch to something else. I would love to hear about your favorite math curriculum for K! I'm also interested in getting her a history curriculum. I've heard good things about The Story Of The World and would love to hear from someone who uses it, or tell me what you love about the curriculum you chose!

My Quiet

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:34:00 +0000

It doesn't come every day, but when it does, it is usually right after breakfast. The girls run off to play on their own, and the kitchen is transformed into my own private sanctuary, my time for finding inspiration in a book, writing in my private journal, or knitting. And always, a cup of tea.

This Quiet feeds my soul. And while most days it lasts longer, on some it is so fleeting and quick, and not a word is written or a stitch stitched before my loves come running back downstairs.

So fleeting, but it is enough. Because after, after there will be art and homeschooling and games and playdates...but these precious moments of Quiet? They are mine and mine alone to treasure.

You Capture: Quiet.

Purr....

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 13:01:00 +0000

It's funny, most people don't even realize we have a cat. She just kind of blends into the background most of the time. I thought today I'd give her the spotlight for once.

She was my cat, originally. I got her when I was a freshmen in high school. She never really became the "family cat" though...just kind of turned into her own independent self.

For more Wordless Wednesday, visit 5 Minutes For Mom.

Can I Add Maid To My List?

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:22:00 +0000

See that pregnancy ticker over in my sidebar? Yeah, that one.

The one that says we have 9 weeks left. Nine weeks!

Have I even started to prepare? No. So in the next few weeks, I will be busy washing baby clothes, super cleaning the house, and getting after the Knight to bring up the one piece of baby furniture that we will be using.

Oh, and of course, making my list of things I really need for this baby.

You can read more about my list over at MassMoms, where today I am writing about baby registries vs. what moms really need. Would love your comments!

Hopeful

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 13:35:00 +0000

This life inside me moves, strong kicks and hiccups and heartbeats.

We all wait, eager to get through these last ten quick and crazy weeks...eager to complete our family.

This new life? It fills us with hope.

You Capture: Hopeful

WW: Saving The Best For Last

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 13:57:00 +0000

I don't know where she gets it from (certainly not from me!), but she LOVES doing math.
In fact, we have to save it for last in our day, otherwise she would do math all day and not learn any other subjects.

For more Wordless Wednesday, visit 5 Minutes For Mom.

Two Sides

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 13:25:00 +0000

Sometimes I feel as though I'm two people trapped in one body.

One person I like. She is a loving, patient mother. Organized. Smart. Activist without judgement. Happy with her life and how everything has turned out. She looks forward to her future, her goals of being debt free, her career goals involving women and babies. She balances everything in her life, so nothing is neglected and yet nothing is utterly consuming. She is so very, very far from being perfect and she is totally okay with that, in fact considers it one of her strengths.

Most days, I think this person shines through. But some days....some days the other person seems to swell up and take over.

I don't like this other person. She scares me. She is impatient with the girls, yells at them. Slings insults at The Knight like rocks. Neglects important things in her day. Judges others without really knowing the full story. Moans and complains about her life, wishes things were different, then does nothing to change the things she doesn't like. She's insecure, and a little paranoid.

98% of the time, this person lies dormant inside me and causes no harm. But lately, for whatever reason, she's been coming up more than I would like. I'm not sure why, although The Knight has suggested that it is related to pregnancy hormones. Who knows.

I'm okay with this other person existing. She puts things in perspective for me. But I'm not okay with her coming up so often.

It does make me wonder, though, if I am alone in this. If there are two sides to everyone, maybe one that everyone tries to keep down and hidden. I think of it whenever a complete stranger is rude to me or my children, or some "idiot" cuts me off on the road and almost causes us to crash...yes, this person was a jerk to me in that moment...but should that define that person? Or is there another side?

Maybe everyone really does deserve a second chance?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this...

Pull Towards Simplicity...

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 13:47:00 +0000

The Knight and I like to simplify our lives. We're working towards our goal of becoming debt free, and we try to keep our consumer needs to a minimum.

However, there is a slight division in our dreams once we talk about the point in which all of our debt is paid off and we buy our next house.

The Knight wants a "big" house, with a large backyard, one that is close to other people and conveniences.

But if it were up to me....well, I'd be raising the kids in the bush, off the grid, and living in a yurt.

Like this family.

The pictures are amazing...the lifestyle so inspiring. But, The Knight would never go for it, not in a million years. So I will just have to work on talking him down from buying a large house, and instead buying one only large enough for our needs.

I'm curious to hear your thoughts - what do you think about living in a yurt?

Sometimes I Wish I could Forget....

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 13:00:00 +0000

It's been one year.

But I still remember everything. And at times, the pain is so fresh that it feels like I'm reliving every moment.

I remember how callous the doctor was, as he said "yes, your baby is dead. Look, you can see his head is already caving in."

I remember how hurt and alone I felt when this same doctor dropped me from his care because I was "questioning his authority."

I remember sitting down at my kitchen table with phone in hand...calling doctor after doctor, and explaining through tears over and over again that my baby had died, my doctor had dropped me from his care, and I needed a new doctor. And listening over and over again as each doctor told me to just go to the ER.

I remember finally finding a doctor. A kind, compassionate woman who sat with us for over an hour to explain my options and completely let me lead the way when choosing how to deliver my baby.

I remember packing for the hospital, and being at a complete loss at what to bring.

I remember sitting at the kitchen table and knowing it was time to leave, and saying over and over again "I don't want to do this....I don't want to do this..."

I remember feeling the cytotec finally kick in, and thinking how all the websites lied, it did feel like full blown labor, in fact it felt worse than any other of my other labors!

I remember weeping into The Knight's shoulder through every contraction, saying over and over "This isn't fair, this isn't fair...."

I remember all this, and I wish I could forget.

But I remember other things, too.

I remember the compassion in my doctor's eyes, and how kind and patient the nurses were.

I remember how perfect and tiny his body was. I remember how the nurse didn't hesitate at all when taking his pictures, his footprints, his measurements.

I remember that they blessed him in the early morning, and how the soft lights and shadows made the ritual so peaceful.

I remember the sincerity on the funeral directors face, and how he wrote "no charge" at the bottom of our slip.

I remember knowing once and for all that I will NEVER take a healthy pregnancy for granted again.

I remember realizing that despite all that happened, I still have faith in my body's ability to carry and nourish a child.

And finally, I remember all the emails and cards the flooded in, some from people I didn't know, so many of them saying "It happened to me too". Reading their stories, stories that they probably haven't felt comfortable enough to share so openly in a long time, for in our culture discussing pregnancy loss is taboo.

And I remember feeling less alone. And then, stronger.

Yes, sometimes I wish I could forget. But Kalei is a part of our lives, our family. He has changed us for the good and bad.

I never knew that I could never know someone, and yet miss him so badly. But I know that he is still here with us, in one way or another.

We miss you, our little angel.

Never Horrid.

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 13:38:00 +0000

There was a little girl, who had a little curl,

right in the middle of her forehead.

(Last night she could tell I was sad, so she slept with her hand on my cheek)

And when she was good, she was very very good,

(She tells me that I make her heart happy, and that I'm her best friend)

And when she was bad.....

(Do I ever miss life before kids?)

Well, not with this sweet angel....never.

WW: 28 Weeks and Growing!!

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 14:12:00 +0000

Fore more Wordless Wednesday, visit 5 Minutes for Mom.

So Close....

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 13:16:00 +0000

As of yesterday, I am 28 weeks along.

The start of the 3rd Trimester.

It is flying by, helped by our excitement and anticipation. Picturing the birth....holding a wiggly baby....smelling that baby smell.

We can't wait to meet you, little one. We love you so much!

Having a Pleasant Hospital Birth

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 12:51:00 +0000

For this part of my Journey to Homebirth Series, I want to start covering ways to help your hospital birth be as pleasant as it can. (If you haven't already, be sure to read part 1 and part 2).

Okay, so you are pregnant. You've looked into your options, and for whatever reason you have chosen a hospital birth. However, you want to ensure that your birth experience will go as close to your plan as possible. So, what are some things you can do?

Let's start with choosing a provider. You want a provider that is more or less on the same page as you, that is respectful and willing to listen to your wishes. You want a provider that doesn't dismiss any fears or questions you may have, and one that takes the time to listen to you and talk things over with you.

First, decided which model of care would work best for you. You can read up on the differences between the midwifery model of care and the medical management model of care to see which one you would prefer. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Now that you know which model of care you would prefer, you can start the interviewing process. You should interview several care providers and find one that you feel comfortable with, one that will respect your choices.

Here are a list of potential questions to ask during the interview:

What can you tell me about yourself and your practice?
It is always good to get the general background on the caregiver’s training and education. Finding out about how they practice and what philosophical beliefs he or she incorporates into their practice can tell you a lot as well.

What kind of labors have you attended?
Find out what percentage of the births attended were natural births (no paid medication), vaginal births, or cesarean births. If the caregiver is telling you that he or she highly encourages natural births but has a cesarean rate of 42%, then his or her numbers says differently. Now would also be a good time to find out his or her rates of other interventions, such as episiotomy, epidurals, vacuum extraction, induction, etc.

Tell me more about your practice.
If the caregiver works with other practitioners, find out if you can meet them and what their philosophies are. Ask how often the care provider is present throughout an entire labor and birth. If you are speaking with an OBGYN, ask if they work with nurse midwives. If you are speaking with a midwife, ask is they have a backup physician and what conditions precipitate a transfer to that physician’s care.

When is it decided that a c-section is necessary?
Will the physician schedule a c-section at the first sign of worry, or will he let you start labor on your own? Are VBAC’s allowed, and if so, what is the success rate?

What conditions precipitate labor induction or augmentation?
Find out how long the caregiver is willing to wait past your due date before wanting to induce. Also find out their protocols when it comes to pre-labor rupture of membranes.

What methods do you recommend to deal with labor pain besides drugs?
Will the physician allow/encourage different positions, walking, massage, counter pressure, etc?

How much freedom do your clients typically have during labor?
Does the caregiver allow freedom of movement, or confinement to the bed? What type of fetal monitoring does the caregiver utilize? Will mom be able to eat/drink/move/use the bathroom/use the shower or tub as she pleases? Is the caregiver comfortable catching the baby if the mom is pushing in an upright position?

Have you worked with doulas before?
If the physician discourages the use of a doula, or has reservations against working with them, that might be a sign that he or she isn’t as supportive of your choices as he or she may seem.

Tell me about the benefits of natural childbirth.
If the caregiver can answer this question in detail, then it is a good sign that he supports natural childbirth.

Finally, follow your instinct. If something in your gut tells you that a certain care provider isn't for you, then keep looking.

Next step: preparing yourself, specifically in terms of writing a birth plan.

WW: Daddy and Daughter

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 13:39:00 +0000

I took this while we were waiting for the Disney on Ice Show to start.

She insisted on sitting on daddy's lap for the entire show. She wanted to make sure he got the Princess names correct.

For more Wordless Wednesday, visit 5 Minutes for Mom.

Disney On Ice Show, Part II!

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 18:42:00 +0000

I mentioned earlier this week that thanks to Mom Central, we were able to go to Boston and see Disney on Ice Celebrates!

As usual, the show was fabulous. I loved seeing how excited the girls would get each time one of their favorite characters would skate onto the rink. They also loved being able to recognize the different celebrations represented in the show.

Check out my earlier post to find out how to get a great deal on ticket packages!

My Sweets...

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 18:26:00 +0000

I had a most wondrous Valentine's Day this year...

We decided to spend the day relaxing at home, spending time with each other. We did get in a trip to the grocery store to stock up on groceries, but other than that it was filled with lots of card making, cuddling, hugs, and kisses.

The Knight bought me beautiful flowers and a nice basket to store my yarn in. I love the basket, although I think it was his way of politely telling me that he is tired of having to step over my yarn and needles whenever he walks into the living room...
Today we are getting snowed in, the perfect opportunity and excuse to stay home, drink hot tea, and knit.

I have lots of projects that I am looking forward to knitting, but I know that the sweetest creations of all are my two beautiful girls and the life I hold inside me.

We can't wait to be a family of four....

Working On It...

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 14:04:00 +0000

We had such a fabulous weekend.

Great time just hanging out, enjoying each other's company. We went to Boston to see Disney On Ice, and my husband treated me like a queen on Valentine's Day.

I have a bunch of posts I want to write, but since The Knight has the day off, I'm going to turn off the computer and work on them later.

In the meantime, here is a picture of the boob dishcloth I whipped up last night while watching the race:

More info can be found on my Ravelry page.

Happy President's Day, my friends!!!!

Knitting Update: Finished The Cats

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 20:07:00 +0000

I've now knit four of these, and hope to never knit another one again.

But when The Guppy got hers, her reaction made it all worth it: I love it, Mommy! You're my BEST friend!

Made with love in every stitch.....my hands create joy.

My Journey to Homebirth, Part II: The Birth of The Guppy

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 13:12:00 +0000

This post is the second post in My Journey to Homebirth series; you can read the first post here.

When The Mermaid was 15 months old, The Knight and I discovered we were pregnant with our second child. Looking back on The Mermaid's birth, I knew that this time I wanted things to be different. Also, I had since met moms who had had homebirths, and I knew that things could be different; that I had other choices besides another hospital birth. So I talked it over with The Knight, and although he was a little hesitant, he agreed to interview some midwives with me. After our first interview, once he saw how experienced and prepared the midwife was, he was fully on board and we switched my care over.

I chose homebirth because I found the midwifery model of care to be more to my liking than the model of care that one typically gets from an OBGYN. I chose a homebirth because I did want a natural childbirth, and I knew that my best chances personally were if I were home, where no pain drugs were available. I chose homebirth because it felt "right" to me. I chose homebirth because I trusted my midwife, and I was finally able to trust myself and my body's ability to birth my baby.

I did NOT choose homebirth because I wanted a "nice environment". Contrary to what the media has portrayed when talking about women who choose to give birth at home, most do NOT choose this option so that they can dim the lights and light pretty candles. Most women who choose homebirth has researched their choice long and hard, and made an educated decision after realizing that for them, home is the safest place for them to give birth.

On the morning of September 26th, 2006, ten days past my due date, I woke up to regular contraction and realized I was in labor. I woke up and was not shrouded in fear or doubt; I woke up excited and full of confidence.

And here is the birth of The Guppy:

That morning, around 5 AM, I awoke to some contractions. I lay there for a while, enjoying the peace and quiet and seeing if the contractions were going to go away. After I while, I realized that they were pretty consistent and strong. I woke my husband up and we got to work setting up the last minute details. We called my mother, cousin, and sister and told them to come to our house as soon as they could. We called my midwife as well.

Pretty soon my house was filled with excited laughter, as my cousin and sister arrived. We started to bake a birthday cake and talked to The Mermaid about what was happening. I rode the laughter in waves, like I rode each contraction. As soon as I would feel a contraction coming on, I would hang on my husbands shoulders and we would slow dance while I gazed into his eyes; that was all I needed to stay grounded and focused through each contraction. After the contraction ended, I would go back to joking and laughing with everyone there.

We filled up the birthing tub, and as we did my contractions went from seven minutes apart to three minutes apart. I felt very much in control and very calm, and in fact did not realize that I was beginning transition.

When my midwife arrived, I was in transition and getting ready to push. Pushing the baby out was the hardest part, but I kept my focus my gazing in The Knight's eyes through each contraction. I pushed my daughter out in the tub at 1:37pm. When she was born, I was completely aware of what was going on in my surroundings. They immediately brought her up out of the water and placed her in my arms, and I was completely aware of her presence. My midwives helped me get out of the tub and onto the couch, and once there I latched her on right away. She latched on perfectly and started nursing like a champ, she was awake and alert. Other than sore nipples, I had no problems whatsoever with nursing her. I was able to bond with her right away. She was over 9lbs, yet I did not tear at all.

Afterwards The Knight, The Mermaid and I drank champagne with the others before heading into our room to cuddle on the bed and regroup as a family. The Knight and I kept looking at The Guppy then back at each other with silly grins on our faces, we couldn't believe we had done it!!

My postpartum period with her was very different from with The Mermaid. I had no postpartum depression at all; in fact, I finally was able to experience the "birth high" that I had read about so many times when preparing myself for this birth. The care I had received was excellent in so many ways, and The Knight and I knew that we would choose to give birth at home again in a heart beat.

So...is homebirth for everyone? No. I believe that you have to give birth where you feel safe and comfortable.

Do I believe that you can have a pleasant birth experience in the hospital? Of course. As a doula, I have been witness to many empowering births that took place in a hospital. So what steps can you take to help your hospital birth experience is pleasant? I will cover that in part 3.

Do you have a homebirth story that you would like to share? Or do you have any questions about homebirth? Ask away!

More Family Fun With Disney On Ice

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 18:59:00 +0000

Last month, thanks to MomCentral, The Knight and I were able to take the girls out for a fabulous night to a showing of Disney on Ice.

Mom Central has done it again! We are so excited to be taking the girls this weekend to see Disney On Ice's newest show, Let's Celebrate!!

Not only that, but you can also take advantage of the great offers on ticket prices!

Let me know if you plan on going, I'll keep an eye out for you!!

TD Garden - FEB. 12 - 21

SCHOOL VACATION WEEK!

Disney On Ice presents Let’s Celebrate! It’s one colossal party on ice, with all your favorite Disney friends! Join Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse as they celebrate a Very Merry Unbirthday Party with Alice and the Mad Hatter; a Royal Valentine’s Day Ball with the Disney Princesses, including Cinderella, Ariel and Tiana; a Hawaiian luau with Lilo & Stitch; a winter wonderland with Woody and Buzz Lightyear from Disney/Pixar’s Toy Story; a Halloween haunt with the Disney Villains and more in a magical medley of holidays, celebrations and festivals from around the globe. Come join the party when this spectacular

ice show visits your hometown!

A SPECIAL OFFER FOR YOU!

Purchase a 4-pack of tickets for only $44 for weekday shows, or

receive $4 off weekend tickets by logging onto www.ticketmaster.com and entering the promotional code:MOM.*

TD Garden show dates:

Friday, February 12 - 7pm**

Saturday, February 13 11am and 3pm

Sunday, February 14 12NOON and 4pm

Monday, February 15 - 11am and 3pm

Tuesday, February 16 - no shows

Wednesday, February 17 - 1pm

Thursday, February 18 - 11am and 3pm

Friday, February 19 - 1pm and 7pm

Saturday, February 20 - 11am and 3pm

Sunday, February 21 - 12NOON and 4pm

*Get 4 tickets for $44 Monday-Friday matinee or $4 off weekend Friday evening – Sunday. Use promo code “MOM” at time of purchase by phone 1-800-745-3000 or visit www.ticketmaster.com. Minimum purchase of

4 tickets required; additional tickets above 4 can be purchased at $11 each. Offer not valid on Front Row, VIP or CLUB seats. Cannot be combined with other offers. Additional service charges, facility fee, & handling fees will apply.

**Friday, February 12th 7pm performance is our Opening Night performance and all Tickets are $15 (no code required and excluding Front Row, VIP and CLUB seating)!!!

WW: Flowers To Brighten My Day

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 18:46:00 +0000

Fore more Wordless Wednesday, visit 5 Minutes For Mom.

My Journey to Homebirth: Stop Telling Pregnancy Women Horror Stories!

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 14:03:00 +0000

In about 14 weeks, my baby will be here.

And even though this is will be our second homebirth, people still seem surprised at the choice we have made. So, I thought I would address how The Knight and I came about to choosing homebirth.

First, a little background: My first daughter was born September 3^rd, 2004. She was a medicated vaginal birth in a hospital, and she was born seven days past her due date. When I went into labor with my daughter, I was very ignorant about childbirth and hospital procedures in general. Although I had prepared for breastfeeding, I had done very little research on childbirth and I did not even take a childbirth education class.

At the time, the only reading I had done to prepare myself was the book "Birthing From Within" by Pam England. I now highly recommend this book, but at the time I simply scanned the pages, saw the word "homebirth" pop up a few times, and put the book away. "Those women are crazy. Who the hell would want to give birth at home?" was my thought.

You see, I was scared of my upcoming birth. I was a younger mom, 21 when she was born, so I didn't have any friends who already had kids to talk to. I only had my family. And they spent my entire pregnancy telling me horror stories about their births, stories that got more terrifying each time they told. Stories that included lines like, "I nearly had my legs ripped in half, the baby was so big." Stories of pain, of fear, and of close calls with the line "Thank God the doctor was there to save us" always thrown in at the end.

By the end of my pregnancy, I no longer had any belief in myself and my ability to give birth to my baby on my own.

Looking back, I know that I lucked out. I went one week overdue without pressure from my OBGYN to induce. While my OBGYN did have horrible bed manners, she wasn't in a hurry and she, in general, wasn't c-section happy. I am thankful for this, because I know now how easily I could have ended up with a c-section.

A week after my due date, when my body went into labor, I entered the world of motherhood wrapped in fear and confusion, and with no confidence in myself. And this is her birth story:

On September 2^nd, I started to feel cramping in my back. I was at my mother’s house and when I used the restroom I discovered that I had lost my mucus plug. Because I was cramping in my back and I had lost my plug, my mother suggested I go see my OBGYN. I went to her office and she put me on a monitor, which showed that while I was having contractions, they were very weak and sporadic. She told me that I was most likely having Braxton-Hicks contractions, and if I did not go into labor by Wednesday (it was Thursday) then I would be induced. I went home to my husband and told him what the doctor had said, but that I felt weird because my contractions were still coming. I did not feel comfortable sitting, so my husband and I made a “nest” out of blankets and pillows on the floor and lay down. We watched all three of the Batman movies, until I finally fell asleep through the contractions.

The contractions woke me up at 2 AM I shifted my weight and when I did, I immediately felt a large gush of water. I woke my husband up and told him that my water had broken. I went to change my clothes and get my bag while my husband called the doctor to tell her we were going to the hospital. We also called my mom because I wanted her in the room with us, and she said she would meet us there. By the time we got to the hospital, I was in full transition and starting to feel pressure.

By the time I was finally in my room, I was becoming very vocal. The nurse got angry with me, and kept telling me that I "couldn't yell in here." Soon she said she was going to insert and IV and give me some saline, but she lied; it wasn't saline, it was a narcotic. I think she was upset because I wouldn't be quiet. The drug made me feel very loopy and confused.

Despite the fast labor I was having, I did not once feel out of control or that it was too painful to bear. Looking back now, I honestly believe that I could have handled the rest of labor without any pain medication. However, because I was ignorant about the childbirth process in general, and because I was so afraid and so in doubt about my abilities, I did not realize I had a choice when it came to pain medications. So, when the nurse told me it was time for my epidural, I just nodded my head.

Because of the narcotic and the epidural that I received, my labor slowed down a little, but it was still a quick labor in general (five hours). Despite the fact that I really could not feel anything due to the epidural, I managed to push my daughter out, and was given an episiotomy in the process. She weighed 7lbs, 9oz. However, because I was so drugged up, I really didn’t realize that she had been born, even though they had put her directly on my stomach. In fact, I continued to push until I finally realized that she had already been born. Another side effect of the pain medications was that she was a very sleepy baby. For the first 48 hours of her life, she did not wake up to nurse. I had a lactation counselor visit my hospital room and one nurse tried to help me get her latched on as well, but she was just too sleepy. The nurses told me that this was normal for a baby whose mother received pain medication during labor, but did not offer me any solutions. As a result, I was discharged from the hospital before I was able to successfully get my daughter to latch on by myself. This made me feel very insecure and stressed, and I developed postpartum depression, which kept me from fully bonding with my daughter.

Looking back on The Mermaid's birth, I am saddened by the haziness, fear, and confusion that surrounds my memories. I am saddened by the lack of support that I received at the hospital for breastfeeding. Thus, when I got pregnant with The Guppy, I decided to look at other options.

To be continued...

A Soccer Baby?

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 13:26:00 +0000

Sunday morning I woke up early and lay there, feeling the baby kick away.

The Mermaid came in to our room to say hello, and I took her hand and pressed it against my belly, and right away she felt the baby kick.

You know those moments when you wish so badly that you had a camera? Well, it was one of those moments. The expression on her face was priceless....joy and excitement and surprise.

The next 15 minutes she asked question after question about why the baby is kicking. "Is the baby dancing? Scared? Jumping? Practicing for soccer?"

I explained as best as I could that babies just kick while they are in their mommies....its their way of getting used to how to use their body.

I think she understood...but she still thinks that this baby is going to be born a soccer star. And she is very impressed.

Not even here yet, little one, and already surrounded by so much love...

Friday Faves

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 12:45:00 +0000

A simple list, of things that have made me smile, inspired me, or left me in awe.

Congrats to Abby Epstein, of The Business of Being Born, for the birth of her second child. And yes, she got a VBAC!

A birth story that is inspiring, real, amazing, and both sad/happy. Bring out your tissues and settle in, this beautiful story is definitely worth the read.

A funny video, that made me laugh:

A powerful video, about toxins and our children:

And a great response to this video.

Needle craft inspiration: a beautiful baby blessing dress

Breastfeeding love: oh, the power of mama's milk.

Wonderful and relaxing herbal bath, from Mountain Rose Herbs, followed by an exhilarating herbal facial mask.

And in case you are in the mood for more reading, this week you can also find me over here, talking about Patience.

What have you read this week that moved you, inspired you, or made you smile?

Smiles All Around.

roxanne600@aol.com (Shelly) — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 17:32:00 +0000

She has a beauty mark, right on her cheek. It's like a target for me, it draws me in to give her kisses.

She likes to hum while she is coloring, her hair a mess from playing. She sticks her tongue out of the corner of her mouth whenever she concentrates. I do that too.

Our living room fills with sunlight, and she basks in the warmth.

My two girls...their faces fill my day, my life, my heart.

You Capture: Faces