Erica is working on this outstanding book. It’s called The Usborne book of drawing, doodling and colouring and it might very well be the best thing I’ve ever bought. It’s essentially a half-finished colouring book which gives her prompts on things she can do from completing a pattern to imagining her very own robots. As Erica takes her drawing very seriously indeed we figured this was a worthy investment, if only to protect us from the reams of paper she leaves lying on the floor during her mad artist phases. It’s a bargainous £6.79 from Amazon and highly recommended by us!

Where I have been finding my peace recently has been in practical elements. I am knitting, sewing and throwing again on a fairly prolific (for me) scale. I may not be any good at it, but I’m not shy about showing my abilities

I’ve just received  this book – a bargainous £9 (so less than a single Oliver+s pattern) and it has inspired me to get back to my sewing. I am setting myself a challenge.

In September, my children will wear only clothes made by me*. This means an 11 year old boy, 6 year old boy, 5 year old girl and 3 year old girl will be clothed entirely from my sewing machine.

What on earth am I thinking?!

*Excluding underwear, outerwear, shoes & school uniforms.

Today is a different story however, as it is the first day off school for the Easter holidays. Oh Frabjous Day! With Erica’s shoes almost scuffed through I decided to go shoe shopping. With this blog post from my beloved friend Bronwen ringing in my head, I will admit to being panicked about taking all four children to be fitted for shoes but nothing ventured nothing gained and it’s my only day off for a week.

I can’t make a decision without consulting with the Facebook MASSIV these days so I posted and asked if the local Clarks clearance shop at Parkhead was any good – the resounding, “NO” was a stark contrast to my memories of going there with my three siblings away back in the 90s. Since I was heading out to that end of the cityI figured I might as well.

Of course it was stowed out and there was one lady on the kids footwear section, so me wandering in with my four bambinos went down like a lead balloon. The children had all gone up a shoe size with the exception of the neglected gumsy slug baby, who had grown two full sizes since October and was wearing these tiny shoes with no complaints. I sometimes wonder if they do things like this just to embarrass me?
Six pairs of shoes (and just £115) later, we were done and do you know what? My kids were awesome. They were polite, they sat relatively nicely whilst the others were being fitted and they did exactly what they were told.

All sale stock has been listed here on Facebook

Katia Superfine Merino Sport £4 a ball – this is a superwash aran, absolutely gorgeous! The colour chart is here in pdf format
Colour 1 (creamy white) – 18
Colour 18 (bright yellow) – 8

Katia Nevada – £4.50 a ball

Colour 18 – 5
Colour 4 – 1
Colour 16 – 4

Books
Little Red in the City – Ysolda Teague (includes digital download) x6 £18
MillaMia – The Close Knit Gang x1 £12
MillaMia – Wonderland x1 £12

Six just feels like a massive step up from five, to me. Perhaps it’s because in just two months time Erica will be five and the 14 months between them suddenly feels enormous? Perhaps it’s his increasing confidence. Since we’ve moved house the boys have to cycle about a mile and a half to school which they’re only able to do because Nairn picked up a bike and taught himself how to ride it the week before school started. His determination and drive amaze me! He’s just such a wonderful and loving little boy, a joy to be around.

11 days after Nairn turned six it was my turn and my word, has this been a tribulation. The big three-oh – and my reticence to approach it – garnered three responses. From friends long past that bump, a roll of the eyes and desires expressed to be back at this stage. From younglings, much giggling and, “You’re not THAT old”. From those approaching or recently past, I got much sympathy.

Thing is, it’s not the number that bothers me. At least, I don’t think it is. I just feel in such a state of flux right now and like I’ve done all the important things. I’ve had all my babies, been married & divorced, remarried the great love of my life, been to university, bought & sold my first home, been self-employed. It’s all been done. Where do I go from here?

Hopefully this is just wobblings and will pass with the coming few days. Ahhhh, if this is how maudlin I get at 30 then Lord help Bob in ten years time!

I always felt that I had something to prove as a pregnant 18 year old and subsequent mother at 19. I was never quite sure if it was because of my age or because I felt that my own parenting was sub-par, every decision I made had to be perfect. I was one of those parents. You know exactly what I mean.

I remember falling out with my sister for MONTHS when she took Findlay to McDonalds. He was probably around two years old? I went absolutely ballistic. How could she taint my baby’s gut with that processed crap! My beautiful baby ate only homecooked meals. No sweets, ever. I think he had cake for the first time on his first birthday, but he always had lots of fruit. Apricots were a particular favourite as I recall. I carried him in a sling although it was a very basic Tomy one rather than the fabulous Moby wraps that I used with the later babies. I breastfed exclusively until solids and we did look at cloth nappies although when I had Findlay in 2001 the internet was still a bit of a novelty and getting information wasn’t particularly easy. I didn’t (and even now, rarely) smack, I preferred to use reasoning than yelling. Best of all? I judged everyone who did not parent as I did which when you think about it is HILARIOUS given that I chose all of these methods so that I could be judged as better than the average.

So what about now? Well I’ve relaxed hugely on pretty much all of it – especially the judgementalism part! I think having Nairn and Erica as such challenging babies woke me up to the fact that I was exceptionally lucky with Findlay. Nairn had such bad reflux that if I moved him or picked him up within an hour of being fed, he would vomit his entire feed all over me. I managed 14 weeks of exhausting non-stop breastfeeding before I switched him onto bottles so that his feed could be medicated. We moved straight onto chunks of food bypassing puree altogether, not because we were pioneering the baby-led weaning method but because to be honest, he was a grubber and was already trying to swipe whatever Findlay was eating. Did this mean that he occasionally ate junk food – shock horror, yes! Is he forever damaged by the occasional fish finger? I highly doubt it.

It’s only now as my lovely friends are having babies and I find myself in the position that I HATED in others when I was a new Mum – I am BRIMMING with advice. Pain relief in labour? Gas & air amazing but trippy, Diamorphine bad, epidural wonderful at the time but did you know you’ll need a catheter? Windy baby? Cycle the legs, it’ll help them fart. Exhausted Mum? Don’t get up to feed the baby, bring them into bed and practice breastfeeding lying down so you can go back to sleep. Ask me about cloth nappies or slings or attachment parenting or labour and I will BORE YOU TO DEATH with it. Lord, save us from ourselves.

Although, I think I’ve earned the right

I like to think I’m a far more laid back parent these days. I am still morally opposed to smacking – I just don’t think it’s ever right for an adult to inflict their world view on a child by using violence – however I have found myself offering that as a threat. I am a big shouter though, I’m not sure how I couldn’t be with four extremely loud children. With one fussy eater who doesn’t like bread or pasta, I’m FINE if they want to eat just a plate of cheese with ham slices for dinner because I know they’ll eat fruit/vegetables later.

We talk. About absolutely everything, at any point in time and I’m really glad that we can. Don’t get me wrong there have been some toe-curlingly excrutiating conversations like when the nursery told Erica she had to stop using the word “vagina” (I still don’t know what she was saying, I suspect she was telling her compatriots how babies are born), or explaining how two men have sex but I will do anything to avoid the situation I found myself in age 9, when my best friend Suzanne told me that when girls turn 13 they start bleeding from between the legs and it doesn’t stop until you die.

Have I made parenting mistakes? Of course! We all have, haven’t we? Massive clangers at times. What gives me comfort is that my children are all growing, they’re all healthy, they’re all super intelligent and even when they are driving me bananas I know that they are very much loved.

Given that – as a Mum, what is the best advice I can give to a new parent? It’s this. From this moment on, a huge chunk of your heart will be out living in the world outside where bad things happen and people aren’t always nice. Be the best protector of your heart by remembering all the things you hated as a kid and making sure they don’t happen.

Also? Don’t ever take advice from other parents.

(Christmas Eve, scattering reindeer food. Findlay was at his Dad’s.)

Luckily, the folks at Garden Games were happy with an indoor review. Phew!

I must admit that when the bag arrived I had a, “Is that it?!” moment as the bag looked significantly smaller than it appeared in the product listing

Caution: Objects on the internet may appear larger than in real life.

but once unpacked, it was clear that this would be a sufficient amount of solid wooden weapons at a perfect size for my little savages to clutch in a single fist.

We tried – repeatedly – to get the kids to settle nicely and play a FUN FAMILY GAME together without the TV or laptop on. They quickly realised that the fun was to make the pieces collapse as quickly as possible for maximum carnage and injury to siblings/parents/pets and so made a point of pulling out pieces from three or four rows from the bottom. The first time they did this I thought someone had driven a truck through my living room wall, the noise of the wooden blocks hitting my hardwood floor made me soil myself. Two black eyes, a possibly broken nose and an entire family relationship severed later we decided that perhaps this might be better as an adult game. Of course, having the giant pieces of wood lying attractively in a bag within reach of the kids meant that a variable slew of imaginative games was created utilising the blocks as props. My personal favourite was ‘Cowboys and Indians’ where #2 son (as the Indian) threw a succession of blocks at #1 daughter (as the Cowboy) in lieu of axes. Luckily we think it was only concussion, at least the dent in her head seems to be filling back out and she was only unconscious for about 15 minutes.

After removing the bag to somewhere far from the reach of little thugs, we decided that perhaps we should indulge in a game of strip jenga. Removing one item of clothing every time you made the tower collapsed was indeed a time-consuming method of titillation and by the time I was down to my bra, I just wanted to go to sleep. Also, my neighbours complained about us stripping in the garden too so all-round bad times on that front. We settled for naked twister instead which was a far more fun event for all the family. (Note: Not ALL the family. Just Bob & I.)

At £50 for the ‘Mega hi-tower in a bag’ it’s a pricey bit of kit and I think if your children were the Waltons or the Von Trapps, if you frequently have BBQs with friends – or God forbid, neighbours – where everyone wears checked shirts and sandy-coloured slacks with creases down the front then this is absolutely the game for you.

If – like me – your children are wild, your climate is wet, your floors are not carpeted and £50 is a bit of a stretch then I’d steer clear.

I was not paid for this review. Garden Games provided a free-of-charge Mega Hi-Tower in its bag in exchange for a review and a link to the product page.

It’s the lack of eggs that give it away. The leaves turning my garden orange, yellow and brown. Being unable to do the school run without a coat. How on earth is it almost October already? My children are all windswept hair and ruddy cheeks, bottomless pits. Little fridges. I barely have time to unpack the food shopping before they’ve consumed it like little bacteria.

So, what’s new with me? The Life Craft is on hiatus for now and I have enjoyed over a month away from work. A much needed break, I’m still finding myself so bone-crushingly exhausted that I struggle to get out of bed in the morning. The new incarnation will help with this. Shorter hours, less pressure. That kind of thing. I’ve been trying to fill my life with colour and cheer instead of my usual brown and black, hoping that the colour will increase my joy.

I’ve become a Blipper. Yes, me! I know my photography leaves a lot to be desired but I’m reliably assured that the best way to get better at something is to keep doing it. I’ve been doing some voluntary art workshops with the kids’ new school, I’m hoping it’ll help me make new friends in the community I’ve dropped into. How sad am I?

I’ve made new connections with family I didn’t know I had, ditched some toxic friend & family relationships which were causing me pain, celebrated my gorgeous and funny children and thanked God every day for blessing me with Bob. Many people say to me, “I don’t know how he puts up with you” and genuinely, I don’t either. I must have hidden talents or something.

Anyway. Speaking of colour and things that bring me joy, I was emailed recently by the DotComGiftShop and asked if I’d review a lunchbox on my blog. A lunchbox?! I mean, how do you review a lunchbox? “Yes, this magnificent specimen of plasticity is unique amongst sandwich carriers” – not really likely to capture the imagination now, is it. But I had a little look at the range and actually, the design really tickled me (One, Two, Three, Four). I picked number one:-

It’s really brightening my day! With four children all at school & nursery, a significant portion of my day is spent lovingly creating scrumptious and healthy boxes of nutrition for my little darlings. I try not to give them sandwiches every day, and I’ve discovered that this box is the perfect size for two wraps, an apple, a banana, a bag of cheese cubes and a frube. It’s not a standard huge lunchbox that holds the entirety of your larder but for primary school kids it’s perfect. And for big kids like me, it holds enough pasta salad to share at the park with the one you’re blessed with. Ask me how I know

Anyway, as usual I have a lunchbox to give away for one of you lucky lot. To enter, simply leave a comment with your favourite Autumn activity. Make sure you have an email address for me to contact – I’ll close this on the 29th September at 12noon.

I was not paid for this entry, but I was provided with a lunchbox to review and keep.

Before

Starting off

My loyal support

The final stretch

Me, having noticed my friends & family at the finish line

Nairn and Erica found the magic chimney which makes clouds

Bonus: I got interviewed for STV news as I came through the finish line, ended up sobbing. Video here (I’m the one in the yellow CF trust tshirt)

If anyone would like to sponsor me – or indeed, to know why I was running – my VirginGiving page is here.

Big changes are happening, have been happening with us.

I want to write about it but I find myself struggling to form more than basic sentences. And even if I did write, would anyone read or comment?

Nod if you can hear me.