This (me writing), of course, does not mean that life is peachy keen and that I’ve got lots of time and space. But humorously, I realized that I’ve been handing out my business card recently, and it links to this page. I suppose it would do me well to update it once every few years.

Life is good here – Alora is 7 (wow!), she’s precocious, precious, and participatory in nearly everything. Heather continues to be Super-Mom, Super-Wife, and Super all around. We’re excited to continue our walk together and in the direction of our values.

I’m running off to my next commitment, so I don’t know when I’ll be back… But it’s nice to see you, and nice to write a few words.

Till next time,
-Cody

My wife gets all the glory in parenthood, though. I might be able to change a diaper, but Heather is unsurpassed in all things baby related. In a word, she is incredible. From day one she has been tirelessly providing breastmilk for Alora despite our child’s delay in taking to the breast. Alora sleeps soundly while Heather has learned to live in a disrupted stacatto of a whiring machine strapped to her chest. Since we started tracking, she’s been attached to that breast beating beast a whopping consecutive total of 106 hours and 18 minutes.

Of course a few of you may have been through this whole breastmilk pumping thing (so you know what it’s like), but as a guy, I can’t help but shudder to think about the idea of having any of my body parts attached to some liquid sucking apparatus. Yeouch. Heather just shrugs and says that it doesn’t really hurt anymore. I’m not sure I believe her. (Does anyone know if you can get calluses on nipples?)

Sadly, having dual permanent hickeys isn’t even the worst woe of pumping breastmilk. The real killer is longing for connection with your little one and not being able to make it happen. While Alora still coos each morning and spends plenty of time on Heather’s chest, her sometimes playful interest doesn’t translate to bottle-free meals. As such, we continue our littany of appointments: Lactation Consults transitioned to cranial-sacral therapy and now the latest: speech therapy.

Each time, we’re met with reassurance (by credentialed professionals) that Heather is amazing. Throughout her frequent pump schedule, and the business and busyness of living life, she still finds the time to patiently offer her breasts to Alora in all sorts of uncomfortable positions: reclining, seated, planking, side lying, and my personal fav, the “Austrailian” (sidelying with the kiddo inverted.). You go ahead and try side planking after giving birth. I don’t even like planks, and I haven’t been through labor.

And then there are the unanticipated surprises.

Just when we start to think things are leveling out and success is on the doorstep, another bomb drops. Most recently, Heather injured her back: a bulging disk dashed progress and left Heather essentially bedridden until the swelling subsided. She is just now getting back to being able to lift and carry Alora after almost two weeks of enforced quasi-relaxation between pumping sessions, just in time to be headed back to work after three months spent tending to a baby.

Heather continues to persevere in a world that keeps throwing her curves. We just had a talk last night about how our particular set of circumstances (feeding, pumping, etc) is, to a degree, a wonderful blessing that has enabled Heather to make new friends, and encourage others.

Trying to fit a three-month summary of Heather’s heroic feats into a handful of paragraphs is a bit of a losing proposition. Suffice it to say, she’s a veritable superhuman, and yet still has the capacity to rub my head and show me tenderness after a long day.

How in the world could I be so fortunate to have her as my best friend and the mother of my child? Providence, I suppose.

Thanks for reading, we appreciate all of the care and comments and love.

Till next time,
-Cody

Here we go!

1.3 Milk Coma!

1. Five Adorable Things

1. Tongue thrusts (kinda lizard-like) & rosebud lips.
2. Full-body sneezes and full tongue-out coughs.
3. Milk induced comas (er, I mean serene sleeping).
4. Seeing Alora turn to my voice when entering the room.
5. Alora alert, eyes open, observing the world.
6. Newborn photos! (This is the whole collection rather than the sampling on Meta’s Blog.)

2.2 A brief moment without, er, “food supply management” by our Lactation Consultant, Debi.

2. Two Awkward Things

1. Short umbilical cords
2. Lactation consultants having no personal boundaries with their managing of your wife’s breasts

3. Nine Sucky Things

1. So. Many. Diapers. (And I bet it’ll get worse before it gets better.)
2. Interrupted sleep for all.
3. Underweight kiddos.
4. Kids books (so infantile).
5. So. Many. Clothes. (And the subsequent laundry requirements.)
6. Crying over spilt milk. (Breastmilk is like liquid gold.)
7. Feeding with a bottle, then burping, then changing a diaper, then pumping, then cleaning the pump, then eating and drinking, then sleeping for an hour and a half, then doing the whole spiel again and again… and again.
8. Heather’s headache & exhaustion (continued alignment issues compounded with lack of contiguous hours of sleep).
9. Seemingly unneccesary doctor appointments.

Daddy & Alora.

4. Six Funny Things

1. Trying to dress a newborn for the first time. Pro tip: use oversized button up clothing not the “perfectly” sized, over-the-head onesie.
2. Un-diapered peeing on others. (Thanks, Madi, for taking her first like a seasoned pro!)
3. Involuntary rocking of the baby. My foot will move (as though to move a rocking chair) at the fussing of our child, even if she’s in someone else’s arms.
4. Buying baby diapers, wipes and maxi pads. Zillions of options, and getting knowing looks from other men while you read each package.
5. We may never know the sheer number of photos that one can take of a sleeping baby.
6. The never-to-be-seen-in-public self-fashioned hands-free pumping bra that Heather made. (Imagine a misguided superhero who let her Zorro mask slide to her upper torso. And then, in your mind, mount the breast pump apparatuses through the eye sockets…)

Newborn photos are awesome!

5. Fourteen Awesome Things

1. Seeing Heather handle labor like it was no big deal.
2. Catching Alora (and having a picture of the precise moment).
3. The joy of having a family. There is something palpably different when you add a child to the mix.
4. C says, “watching Heather be a Mom, with the patience of a saint, nerves of steel and maddening endurance.”
5. H says, “watching Cody and Alora interact. Carrying, changing, talking, sleeping, everything.”
6. Laughter about everything.
7. Emotional release when things are hard.
8. The love and support of other people. “If you ever need _anything_, just call!”
9. Ultimate Frisbee players clapping for the new dad.
10. Heather’s mom, Marilyn. She’s here through March 16th as the best live-in support we could ask for.
11. Gifts of Meals. (For those interested, we have a sign-up here.)
12. Learning new things every day.
13. Donated breast milk in a time of need.
14. Her first yellow diaper after lots of meconium.

6.2 Our daughter will be well read. Good habits start young.

6. Four Notable Things

1. Newborn Huggies > Newborn Pampers!
2. Alora’s first book: Failing Forward by John C. Maxwell.
3. Alora’s future vocabulary.
4. The future.

7. Six Quotable Things

1. Heather: “She’s just kinda shifty.” (On Alora starting to wake up.)
2. Shayna: “Babies suck!” (Trying to express the reality that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows as a parent.)
3. Cody: “Our child doesn’t suck.” Heather’s reply: “But we want her to suck.” (On Alora’s feeding challenges.)
4. Caity: “Milk drunk? Daaaamm!” (On Alora falling asleep after a feeding.)
5. Marilyn: “I think she’s got some thunder down under, too.” (On Alora’s rumblings during a feeding.)
6. From the other room we hear Alora squeeze one out: Phhhhbbbbbbbbbttt! Marilyn: “Well, so much for _that_ blanket.”

Tucked in with Alora. (Proof that Cody does sleep.)

Thanks for reading along. I’m looking forward to reading your additions to these lists or to your own!

‘Till next time,
-Cody

We both have deep desires to be the best parents and spouses possible, and part of our ethos is to reduce our reliance on unnecessary or “convenience-oriented” tools. I guess you could say that we prefer the ‘au naturel’ approach to life.

I guess that’s not always under our explicit control…

Continuing my thought, we would rather eat whole foods and supplement with naturally sourced vitamins than to have frequent doctor checkups and medication. Or we’d rather spend time with exercise, chiropractic, massage and physical therapy than to undergo surgery.

We recognize that the medical model of fixing problems is appropriate and necessary at times, but the human body is capable of astonishing feats of rejuvenation if we reduce the catalysts for the troubles and foster a great healing environment.

That is all to set the framework to explain our recent challenges with Alora.

In it’s most simplistic form, she’s a lightweight.

Alora was born (7lbs 1oz) 10 days prior to her due date (38.5wks), and through gestational age assessment (http://www.medcalc.com/ballard.html) she shows to be 38wks old. However, in part because of her size, and perhaps some other genetic dispositions, she has had a challenging time establishing “normal” feeding.

It has been truly amazing to watch how Heather’s body has adapted to motherhood. Almost immediately with pregnancy, her breasts had started changing, and (though I don’t have any comparison) they appear perfectly suited to provide exactly what our child needs. Every professional she’s seen has cooborated that is the case. On Saturday, Heather’s milk came in, and that too has been astonishing. Having her nipples weep for milk when Alora cries is something I hadn’t expected! However, despite her great tools for the job, Alora has not been strong in latching.

Initially (on days 1 & 2), it was presumed that the cause of the problems was merely her tiny mouth. On day three (Saturday), with her weight still dropping some (down 8oz) we received something called a “nipple shield” which is a small rubberized cap that essentially sits over a nipple to allow babies to better latch – usually they are used with moms who have flat or inverted nipples.

In the case of Alora, she had been thrusting her tongue before and during feeding which pushed the nipple from her mouth. We found that the shield provided some solace the false “nipple” was more firm, and subsequently harder to eject.

We remained consistent with the task of regular feedings and were faithful that that would help rebound her weight back to normaal markers. Heather had mostly sleepless nights working like crazy to get Alora to latch and feed, but with mixed success over long sessions.

On day 5, when we went in for a first pediatric appointment, Dr. Amy also voiced some concerns about low weight and thought that getting in to see a lactation consultant at Bartlett Beginnings would be an important step. She made a call and we were contacted the next day by Debbie to coordinate an appointment.

Tuesday afternoon, at the lactation consult, was probably our toughest moment yet as parents. As we first sat down with Debbie, we explained the back story. Born, 38wks gestational age, small mouth, tongue thrusts, trouble latching, fussy, distracted feeding, etc, etc.

From my overprotective vantage point, I gathered that Debbie doubted our story to some degree; I was sort of waiting for her to explain to Heather that she had been doing it wrong and that it really was an easy process to feed a newborn.

What caught us off guard in the appointment was the gravity of Alora’s situation. We had reason to believe that Alora was starting to get the hang of latches & feedings, even though she had her moments of fuss. As it turns out, with the ridiculously expensive scale at the hospital, Alora was still 11% down from her ideal weight after her 6 days of life.

Then the bomb dropped.

“You see, at 12%, the Hospital will admit a newborn until they are able to correct the situation,” she said.

What!? We’re on the verge of having our child involuntarily admitted to the hospital? Dammit. Why hadn’t we asked more astute questions? Why hadn’t someone helped us understand the facts and consider more aggressive actions?

Feeling helplessness, frustration, exhaustion as well as physical discomfort was a lot to wage against.

Fortunately, Debbie was a good fit for our situation. As is standard practice, she wanted to see what Alora could do in nursing and then weigh her again to identify exactly how much milk she had consumed. Heather went to work offering, encouraging, and cajoling Alora to feed. Despite the time that had passed since her last feeding, our newborn remained uninterested. Debbie stepped in to help (I guess in that position you can’t be shy!). With Debbie’s expertise, she squeezed, massaged, aimed and adjusted both mom and baby, with shield and without, but still Alora wouldn’t nurse.

The next step was to make sure that there was decent milk supply. Heather pumped, and in the course of 10-15 minutes, she had produced almost 2.5 oz, per breast. For those of you who are inexperienced: that’s a veritable faucet of breastmilk. Verdict: the supply was great.

Debbie again tried to help Alora latch, but this time with a small syringe and small tube feeding Alora while she attached and nursed at Heather’s breast. These were the big leagues. Debbie was insistent that our child receive more milk and she wasn’t holding back with techniques. Both naturally and with the nipple shield, Alora continued to resist. Ugh. Frustration doesn’t encompass it.

Our lactation consultant stepped back and explained that we (er, Heather) had been making an excellent effort, but even as a professional who assists with breastfeeding for a living, this was a troublesome feeder. Debbie further explained that the likely explanation was that, from her perspective, Alora was acting more like a 37wk old baby; she was uncoordinated with the various components of nursing. Essentially what I heard was that she was admitting defeat with the natural approach of breast feeding.

I think it was around there that we had a good cry, right there in front of Debbie. I still tear up thinking about it. Here we were doing everything we could, and it still wasn’t enough.

After we recollected ourselves, Debbie explained that we must get milk into Alora, and that because of the unique situation, she suggested moving to 24 hours of direct bottle feeding so we could be assured that Alora was taking in 2 ounces at every feeding. This was an extraordinarily rare recommendation. Debbie took Alora in her arms and proceeded to start her first bottle.

Ouch. Isn’t that supposed to be the job of a mother?

That was at 5pm. We headed home, put Heather to bed to get some rest as Alora slept in her newfound milk coma. During the appointment, I had realized just how exhausted, both emotionally and physically, Heather had become. My instincts of loyalty and protection kicked in. While in desperate need of rest, she didn’t need to think about alarms, or feeding times, or filling her glass of water; it was her sole job to rejuvenate her energy stores. I woke her briefly to pump, but stayed up myself trying to anticipate her needs, keep an eye on the time and (repeatedly) change diapers. With the significant uptake in milk, Alora was off to the races as it pertained to filling diapers. At one point, I changed 3 well-fed diapers in 10 minutes!

Heather and Alora are doing much better now. This morning Alora was up 2.5 ounces (which is great), and Heather is much more rested. I’m thrilled.

Simultaneously though, after my stressors and long day yesterday, now I’m on empty. I woke up with one of the most sour attitudes that I’ve had in a while, and it feels like I could cry at any moment. It hasn’t entirely been ruled out that I’m not experiencing some kind of hormone shift as a father… Either way, its been helpful to write out my thoughts to purge my brain and to share with others what our story entails in this first week of Alora’s life.

Thanks for reading along and letting me get that off my chest.

Perhaps next time, I’ll share more of the highlights!

‘Till next time,
-Cody

What a rush.

Introducing Alora Grace Bennett

Let’s see if I can recap the “birth story” for everyone, and for posterity.

Just after my post (12:45pm), Heather sat down to notify her office and set auto-replies on email. She had contractions, but it seemed they were spread out enough that we had some time. I expected that it would be several hours (if not the next day) before we had anything exciting to tend to. My goal was to remain calm and to clear the deck of errands so we both could sit together to relax and have a movie-filled rest of our day. Some quality time and calm before the storm.

While Heather was taking care of business, I took to errands. The carseat base was anchored. We had some lunch (pel meni). I started a couple of whole chickens baking in the oven (with some recipe coaching from Sharon). I may have even done some dishes. My camera bag was packed since Penny (our photographer) wouldn’t be back from a trip in time for our family adventures. Who’d expect for a first baby to arrive 10 days early?

Heather was still on the computer, so I decided to distract myself and run a quick errand to pick up our veggie box & mail. On the way back, I walked through Super Bear to grab a newspaper and a couple other items.

Getting back home around 1:30, Heather was finalizing the birth center bag of stuff. She handed off her phone for me to hit the start/stop button on the contraction timer. She had been regularly forgetting to stop the timer after each contraction. Each labor pain stole her attention and while it faded she’d just start back to packing the bag and forget to stop the timer.

Over the next few minutes, I realized it was essentially “Go” time. Strong contractions, 1-2 minutes long, 3-6 minute durations. Wow, I guess we’re not waiting ‘till tomorrow!

I went into uber-efficient mode; my goal was to get the bag finished so we could get out the door. Of course, packing went slowly – at least in my mind. In my eyes, nothing was imperative; I could skip brushing my teeth for a day, and I certainly didn’t need a second pair of pants. But Heather wanted to slowly walk through the recommended list. Between each contraction, I would grab the next item. Socks. Belly bands. Toiletries. Plastic champagne flutes (yes, really). Birth gowns. Diapers. Wipes. Carseat. Frozen lasagna and mixed berries into the cooler.

Between the packing of items into the car, and standing calmly with Heather as she bore through another strong contraction, I left a message for Shayna (our Doula) and spoke with Kaye (our Midwife) to let her know of the progress. Her prognosis, “C’mon in!”.

I grabbed the handsfree headset and jammed it into my phone and finished loading the bags in the car. On the drive, I called folks (Mom, the Wildes, & Penny)  to let them know that we’d be at the Birth Center momentarily.

Walking into the Birth Center.

Upon getting to the Birth Center, Merri-Grace (the student midwife) showed us to the room we’d be in and slipped away. It was our second pick of the three, but someone else was in the first trying to get their labor going. Heather was still contracting heavily, so as soon as we made it to the room, I dropped the coats & bag, and Heather immediately asked for a yoga ball to find a comfortable position.

From that point forward, I recall every minute. In hindsight though, my recollection feels hazy. I think it’s because we settled into a relaxed flow of what labor required of us. Heather was an expert at relaxing her brain and allowing everything to unfold. She took suggestions gracefully and gave her own

Heather relaxing through contractions in the tub

directions clearly. Pretty close to our arrival we switched into Heather’s birthing gown and my trunks and hopped in the tub.

As a husband, initially I was surprised how little I needed to do. I basically held Heather’s hand or was simply calm to help her manage her pain. As she entered a contraction, she would periodically squeeze my hand and I quickly learned that she preferred that I not squeeze back, nor reach out to gently touch her elsewhere. I would offer up my 2nd hand but most often she would just close her eyes and moan through the discomfort.

Relaxing in the tub

Shayna arrived soon after we were in the water and I was immediately thankful to have her on team. As she entered, she dimmed the light and quieted the drain, which somehow magically helped us to feel more relaxed and at peace. She tended to Heather expertly. I had grabbed a washcloth and wet it with cool water, but as Heather was holding my hand during and between contractions, I couldn’t reach it to wipe her head or neck. Shayna allowed me to be an emotional support to Heather while she managed the physical support of sips of water, cool cloths, and snacks. With Heather’s eyes frequently closed with contractions or relaxation, Shayna and I would make eye contact and I could sense her excitement and joy of helping, and it was nice to have someone else to share it with since Heather was a bit distracted.

Trying a new position to relieve discomfort in her back

There were no clocks in the room, so I didn’t really have any concept of how long things were taking. It was just a steady stream of contractions. I aimed to relax everything about myself so that there was no tension passed to Heather, including slowing my breathing rate. When Heather was coming off of a contraction, often her breathing would be rapid, so I expected providing the sound of my own slower breathing would help with relaxing. Eventually Kaye arrived to use a doppler to listen to the baby’s heart rate and make some suggestions like deeper moans or shifting positions. I recall her checking Heather and announcing that she was 8cm dilated.

Kaye at the tub with Madi watching on

At some point, Heather’s moans shifted slightly and, immediately, Kaye noticed and asked if she had felt more of an urge to push. Heather gave the affirmative and somehow labor seemed to accelerate. Perhaps contractions were cresting more rapidly, or the breaks were shorter, but I say ‘somehow’ because everything still seemed slow-motion. Perhaps it’s why people talk about time standing still in intense situations.

We attempted to adjust positions so that Heather could have gravity assist, but she was in no state to hold herself up. For a while I kneeled in the tub in front of her to hold her up, but with her and her gown being wet & slippery it was a bit of a losing proposition. Another switch. For a few minutes she rested by leaning over the edge of the pool, but Kaye encouraged us to move out of the pool onto a “birthing stool” which allowed her to keep her hips more open, but still to have support. She leaned on me, especially during contractions and just kept on keeping on.

Trying to hold up a slippery Heather

It was a tight squeeze (ha!) in the room. Heather and I were clutching each other in the center of the room, her on the stool next to the bed, me kneeling next to her at the end of the counter. Next to me, on the floor in front of Heather, Kaye was monitoring the progress and baby’s heart rate after every contraction. From what I could tell, Madi (our 2nd Midwife) and Merri-Grace were behind Kaye. It was mostly a blur, with moments of recognizing how close I was to having my glutes cramp up. Behind Heather, Shayna provided sips of water to an exhausted momma and blew on Heather’s bare back between damp wipes of a cloth to cool her down. At one point, she offered me a stool, which was a kind gesture, but it was just too low for me to use while supporting Heather during her contractions.

Heather leaning on Cody during active labor

I can’t imagine what it would have been like to be in the waiting room hearing Heather work. We had several visitors waiting: my Mom and the Wildes crew (Bill, Sharon, Myrica & Paxton). I personally don’t like to hear others in pain, and to be separated from the actual experience must be harder yet. Everyone remained in good humor.

Sharon relayed a funny conversation between her & her 11yo son, Paxton. He had been visibly uneasy with hearing Heather in pain, pacing the waiting room. At one point, he asked, “When is it going to be done?” Sharon replied, explaining that it wasn’t all pain, and that Heather was using some of those sounds for power so that the baby could slowly inch down the birth canal. His humorous quip: “Dang! How long _is_ that birth canal?”

Our first moments with our daughter

When Alora finally emerged (at 6:53:53pm, 2/26/14 – we have a photo with timestamp to prove it!), I was lucky enough to help catch with my one free hand (Heather had my other firmly in her grip for the final contraction.) After catching Alora’s head and shoulders, I recall a significant rush of the waters and blood behind her; I hadn’t expected that. The midwives were great about clearing any soiled cloths and rapidly getting Alora wrapped in clean towels. We had hoped to get the baby immediately to Heather’s chest, but the cord was short. In the awkward moments after the birth, we helped Heather off the birthing stool and on to the bed, then set Alora as high up as she could be. My mother, Dianna, was called in to come cut the cord.

Dad first holding Alora

We laid in bed while Kaye waited for the placenta to detach and be expelled. She then stitched up the tearing Heather endured. While her cervix was soft and everything moved smoothly throughout the labor, it turned out that Alora’s arm was up near her head in a superman pose while she was coming out. We can’t go back in time, but the suspicion is that there would have been no challenges whatsoever had both her arms been along her chest during the birth. Oh well. Battle scars, right?

Once stitches were in place, the midwives slipped out to give us time alone with our new daughter. We were both exhausted & elated. As cliche as it is, there really aren’t words for such a moment. Triumphant, spent, and in love.

Weighing Alora with Gma D looking on

The evening progressed with our visitors each spending a few minutes in the room. I think we would have liked to take our time with everyone, but all politely excused themselves recognizing the significance of what we had been through over the last several hours. Plus, there was plenty of activity with a newborn checkup, some measuring, and coaching on care. 7lbs, 1oz. 19” long. 13” head circumference. 100% perfect.

Alora waiting for the newborn exam to be complete

Before we could leave Kaye wanted solid latching to assure Alora would receive the necessary nutrients as we headed home. Everyone worked together, but eventually we reached a point of exhaustion and/or exasperation and we opted to go home to our own house and bed. We were outfitted with a breast pump and suggestions to establish a latch as well as plans for Shayna to come in the morning for more coaching and assistance.

Getting Heather to bed with a smoothie and water, I set Alora on her chest and got to other errands of emptying the car, putting food away, and setting up our new breast pump. We slept in staccato throughout the night, but it was worth every sleepless moment. Someone would move which would set off a chain reaction of activities. Alora would stir, which led Heather to attempt to nurse, which led to me to get up to help Heather move pillows into the proper place. By the time 8am rolled around, I was essentially delirious, but awake, and wise enough to take Alora into the next room to allow Heather to sleep.

Heather taking an herb bath with Alora

Shayna had texted earlier and said that she would be over at 9am to check in. I sat in the living room with Alora on my chest, eyeing my own little miracle sleeping away. When Shayna arrived, I realized that I had dozed off and was still pretty tired myself. After a quick check in with both of us, Shayna set to making a breakfast wrap for Heather and I suddenly was shocked with how good real food sounded. After she brought Heather her food, she took Alora in to begin the nursing. I inhaled my breakfast and crashed on the couch. Most of the day I was somewhat zombie like. It wasn’t until the next night that I actually slept enough to recharge my batteries and function like a human.

Dad with Alora

One thing that surprised me was the physical drain I experienced. I always envisioned myself handling the sleeplessness well, but I never accounted for my own exertion to support Heather through the labor. The days following the birth, I found my muscles asking for attention while they recuperated. Part of the issue was dehydration from being in the hot tub and a warm room while holding Heather up during contractions. Lesson learned. Dads need to fuel well during labor too!

Bundled and ready for home

I feel like I can continue telling the story minute by minute as it continues in perpetuity, but as far as a birth story goes, I’m pretty sure I hit the highlights. It’s a wild mix of emotions to be a father. I am surprised at how natural I set to the task at hand. Calming our child, providing diaper changes, and overall intrinsically proud as I continue to meet the needs of my growing family.

Thanks for reading along,
-cb

Sorry for the (digital) radio silence as of late. I have been responding to texts and emails intermittently, but have not signed into Facebook since earlier this week. I’m excited to see all your comments when I clear the deck of other duties.

As you likely know, we were handed Alora Grace Bennett on Wednesday evening, but with the labor and recovery, being on a computer (or phone) is not much of a priority. Surprise, surprise. Heather and Alora are doing amazing. It’s remarkable how rewarding it is to me to simply watch Heather in her element of Motherhood…

It is my goal to write up the experience soon so that it’s still fresh in mind – I’d like to have that posted by the end of the day… We’ll see if I can process all of the experience in the next few hours amidst other responsibilities.

Thanks for being our friends. I’ll be in touch soon.

Best,
-Cody

At our normally scheduled baby appointment at the birth center today, we found out that Heather happens to have elevated blood pressure. Something like 130/88. It’s been slowly climbing throughout the pregnancy, but within the last week, it had jumped, and now is 2-points away from being “risked out” and being forced to a hospital setting.

Hearing that news was somewhat scary.

We have always wanted a natural birth-center’esque birth surrounded by loved ones. We’re not big fans of the medical model, though we understand its place and importance. Further, it is especially disconcerting because Heather’s mom isn’t planning on being in town for another 8 days.

Kaye calmly informed us that if the pressure measures 90+ for two consecutive days, we then are routed through the hospital who will in turn induce the labor.

So you’re telling me that either we get the blood pressure under control, or we’ll be forced to have the baby? Uhm, okay. Give me other options.

The other option is to eat protein like crazy in hopes of increasing blood volume to drop the pressure, but that is unlikely to do much late in the game. Oh, we could also do a quick vaginal exam to see where we’re at in order to know how far away from the start point we are. Also, manual stimulation of the cervix could encourage the body to begin the labor within the next day or two.

Waitasec, next day or two? Woah. Stuff just got real.

Heather and I took a few minutes to ourselves to process the blast of information and decided to go forward with the exam and protein dosing. While we’d love to wait for Mom to arrive in town, it would be better to avoid the adventures of being induced.

Business gets underway, and then the midwife, with a puzzling look, starts to say things like, “are you sure you haven’t felt cramping?” “Okay, there’s the head.” “No, it couldn’t be.” And then the bombshell as she’s stripping off the glove to toss it away like it’s no big deal, “You’re five centimeters dilated and 90% effaced.”

Yeah, we’ve got a baby on the way.

We’ve been tasked with taking it easy and enjoying each other’s company at home, so that’s what we’re up to. Workplaces have been notified, and our core support group is on call.

Who knows how quickly she’ll be here, but she’s coming. From what I’m told, this stage of the game could last a few days, but with my paradigms being dashed so often, I’m not holding my breath for one particular outcome.

I’ll post again as I collect my thoughts, but I wanted to get this one out since it’s fresh.

Till next time,
-cb

To me, it’s still somewhat surreal that a small human will be arriving in a month or two. I’m still trying to grapple with the idea that I will have a baby that I will need to feed, change and otherwise care for. But more on that some other time.

What made the shower even more special though, was a surprise that Heather never saw coming…

That is Heather’s Mom & Sister stepping out from behind the counter. They made the trip up for the event! They’ll be here till Thursday, and it’s been wonderful to hear the girls all enjoy one another’s company.

Till next time,
-cb

PS – I made a “baby” page too, but I’m still trying to figure out what you’re supposed to post there, so you’ll have to enjoy photos & such for the moment.

Okay, so I left off somewhere around May in my last posting. This is round two, and I can only hope that I can encapsulate the whirlwind since then.

In June we started with a bang. A quick trip to Haines volunteering for the UAS Alumni Office for their annual Alumni Golf Tournament. Our role was just to deliver some lunches and to clean up a bit, but for some reason, I have a tendency to make the simple more complex. I decided to photograph throughout the morning and tournament and then for the afternoon ride home, we’d have a slideshow. Complexity successfully increased 3-4 fold. It went awesomely, and I might pursue it next year, despite the heavy scope of work.

Within the first couple of weeks, I was surprised with an invitation from a friend to go on a two-week rafting trip in mid-July. Just the consideration of it was a pretty daunting process. Within three weeks I would be on a raft, floating down the Tatshenshini River, in one of the largest remote wilderness settings available. Unpredictable weather, and thousands of dollars of photo gear? I had to plan what I wanted to take (and how to keep it safe) and identify my borrow/shopping lists. Fortunately, getting the time off of both jobs was fairly painless.

Following later that month, I spent a few days in Seattle with work, we started a team around the Body Key program via Nutrilite. Our team of 5 met weekly for the course of the following three months. It was great to have something consistent amidst the craziness.

And then, to put a cherry on top, Heather & I found out on June 29 that we were again expecting!  Yay! And woah! It’s hard to describe the complexity of emotions stemming from our pregnancy mixed with our earlier miscarriage and my impending travel.

July of course was a blur.

The 4th of July festivities were usurped by my list making and reworking, and our house turned into a smattering of expensive camera gear that we were to watch our step around while I figured out what would fit in which bag and what would be left behind. Naturally, work was intensified in both preparing for my departure as well as catching up from my return.

The start of this pregnancy was materially different too. The first time around, things hadn’t developed very far. This time, as we made it into the first few weeks, Heather found the new changes to have a substantial impact on her energy levels, and to a certain degree, how well she felt. I don’t think we could claim “morning sickness”, per se, but as she was dealing with sleeping 12-18 hours a day, during her waking times, we remained busy with finding suitable foods in hopes of helping her with the troubles she was having with nausea & her digestive system. I think my favorite request was for a rotisserie chicken at 9pm (pro tip: start earlier in the evening).

Sometime just after I returned from the rafting trip (which really deserves it’s own post someday), Heather’s family came for a visit too. Over the course of ~9 days, both Marilyn & Nick came to stay for a few days each, overlapping in the middle of their travel. It was great to have them here, and as family the pressure of “hosting” was muted, but we still filled the calendar (and our freezers… *ahem* Halibut!) We somehow even found times for Heather to nap!

August began with a quick trip to Spokane for a business convention. Just a weekend away complete with comfy hotel room, and some amazing input. Usually it’s no big deal, but when your wife is working through the process of growing a human, things aren’t usual. As the dutiful husband, I was constantly on the lookout for how to make things easier on Heather. Need food? How about a drink of water? Should we rest here? Can I carry that? Being a Dad to be certainly pales in comparison to Mom bearing a child, but I continue to set expectations high for myself and serving Heather.

Adding that intensity of focus was no easy task considering the atmosphere at work. When I originally started my half-time gig, it was understood that I would take two weeks away from Byte Networking in order to focus at the Helpdesk in order to get the Fall Semester up and running. Working in just one office simplifies things, but somehow life arranged for it to remain more intense than normal. My co-workers wife developed a health concern that took him (and her, of course) out of state to resolve. Everything went as smoothly as one could hope, but even with full staffing it’s a busy time of the year.

That, and the UAS IT Services department was in a state of upheaval with the Computer Lab being closed and our outward facing desk being removed/changed to a Classroom Technologies Support Desk. It meant that whoever was at the only walk up support desk was really only supposed to be fielding needs within and related to the classroom wing. Weird distinction to make after having a public Helpdesk for more than the last decade.

September rolled in like thunder and slammed the staff with hundreds of time-sensitve requests. Our office hours were thrown into the air and settled in jumbled piles with folks picking up what pieces they could. I began a firearms class with Heather on Monday nights, and still somehow found an extra 20-30 hours of overtime to fit in with my home duties of caring for Heather.

As soon as that storm cleared, I was back at Byte, back to catching up with what had been put on hold in my absence. My 6-month half-time window was drawing to a close and with it, the pressure of identifying if there was a number that would get me to leave the comfort, security & longevity of my position at UAS. Trying to quantify some of the more intangible benefits of copious annual leave proved more challenging than I expected. I had notes and spreadsheets articulating what was currently mine, and what the future might hold. It was like trying to stare into a soupy fog bank in hopes of making out details to either set aims towards or maneuver away from.

I genuinely thought that I had to pick the numbers for what would take me way rather than consider an offer presented. Later in the month, I found out all of my fraught was misplaced. David, the owner at Byte eventually came forward with an offer hoping that I would stay. With hours of mulling over and discussing the issues with Heather & mentors, we decided that I would go to Byte and walk away from the campus.

So now I’m in late December and I haven’t even touched on last month. I guess these posts turn out to be more than I bargain for. I’m hoping that there is some kind of cathartic benefit or at least some intrinsic value in reflection on such a wild ride. I’ll have to deliver part three some other time.

Stay tuned…

March and April brought on a few new developments that took our attention. Firstly, I had begun arrangements to work halftime with Byte Networking, a local private IT company to get a bit more experience and variety. I had no clue what I was really in for.

More life-changing than a new job though, was the realization on March 20th, that we would be new parents!  It was mindbending to realize that we only had 9 short months to orchestrate anything and everything needed to become prepared to keep a mini-human alive. We’d have to learn how to help them navigate the world. I had noticed that I started paying close attention to how other parents handled their children and then made mental notes of what I plan to do or not.

And then, on April 4th, we were rocked with the news that Heather had a miscarriage.

There’s not really words to describe the experience. It requires grieving, but it’s somewhat of an abstract idea – in the few short weeks, while our supply of baby related items had ballooned, there was no tangible evidence of a new child. I’m positive it was harder for Heather to experience the miscarriage first hand, but even my worldview was affected.

For instance, in our brand new pregnancy, we had fashioned a list of important people that we wanted to share with. Calls and visits were made, and the list was checked off. It was early, so we didn’t want to spread the news far and wide because we do enjoy our privacy. So, after hours of crying and coming to terms with the miscarriage, we then had to walk back through the list and let folks know… And experience the emotional loss all over again. Weird to have those feelings re-run over and over.

We were able to move on, and I got into the throes of working two jobs. UAS remained the known entity, but Byte turned into a much bigger fish. Somehow I happened to land myself in a world of turmoil. The ownership of the company was changing hands. They had been short-staffed for several months. Clients were unhappy with service levels and communication. And I’m no slackard when it comes to helping. It seemed to be a magic soup of insanity.

So April happened: starting a new job, traveling to functions, processing the loss in the family. May was a blur too. Much of the same, but add in my re-engaging of photography. In the month of May, I was out with my camera 16 different times. Likely as a way to help me process the experience of the miscarriage, but also with 9 of those being images for other people… Needless to say, it hasn’t been a relaxing schedule.

It’s hard to recap everything and keep it concise. There’s so much more throughout the summer. I guess you’ll have to stick around for part two, coming sometime in the future. Let’s hope it’s not 6 months out, right?

-cb