Adventures of the Reluctant Housewife

done Done DONE

2010-04-22T08:24:00.005-04:00

It is official. I am done the first year of my degree, which makes me, in the clever words of a friend of mine, a half-librarian. It's been such a wild ride that it has forced me to neglect my poor, long suffering blog audience. I am truly sorry for that. My traffic is at an all time low. Oh and of course because I love you all. Of course.

So news about me (because 'what is more interesting than me?', apparently):

1. My grandmother is celebrating a significant birthday this month and I am going to have the opportunity to give her a hug and congratulations in person. This might not seem like such a big deal, but it was unlikely that I was going to be able to travel the 1100 km that seperate us to do so. Through an epic coming together of many factors, such as Hub's work schedule, air flights, school being done and a friend agreeing to be a 'back-up babysitter' in the event of another natural disaster that prevents me from getting back. So thanks to everyone and everything involved in me being able to go because I really want to give Nan a hug in person. Happy Birthday, Nan!

2. I have a full-time job, starting May 3rd, through the co-op department at school that is going to last for the next eight months. What that means is that I won't have homework and I am planning on spending some of the resulting precious free time in the evenings and weekends here, telling stories. TRUE stories of REAL crime... Or, you know, on second thought, just stuff that happens to me in my life, which, hopefully will not be true crime because that would suck.

3. How crazy was that volcano? Did you know it was caused by a lolcat?

image source

4. I've had some comments from some new readers that were very kind. I want to officially say Hi! and Welcome! and Thanks for reading! to them now. Also? You're awesome!

5. Finally, I just want to complain that I now have no excuse for not cleaning the house. My papers are done. The house needs cleaning. So for the one week I have off between now and the first day of my new job, I have a few special projects lined up: I want to clean out the cars, which are full of playground sand; I want to clean the office, which is currently so messy is would not be out of place on one of those shows where people have such large, clutter filled messes that they call in the experts who force them to put all their stuff in three piles out on their back lawns; I want to see a movie or two; I want to clean out the storage room downstairs and deal with the spiderwebs and dust in the basement; I want to scrub out the fridge; I want to go to the art gallery. I think that's it. I probably won't get this all done. Top priority - the office and the cars.

So. I guess that's it for now! Talk to you soon!

Nag on the Lake

2010-03-22T20:46:00.003-04:00

Do you read Nag on the Lake?

You really should. There's always something interesting or funny to enjoy and she updates more often than anyone I've seen (not sure how she does it - I think she must really be 3 people) (Hey Nag, are you 3 people?) For example, I checked out maybe 9 new posts last evening and now there's 6 more for me to enjoy - some videos, some singing cats, a Mondrian cake and what appears to be a comic strip about life in Iran. I can't wait. You should check it out, too. It's awesome.

And, just to put your mind at ease, I feel I should say that the Nag's name is false advertising... even though I've been reading her blog for years, she has never nagged me. Not once. So no need to worry about that.

Beard!

2010-03-19T19:06:00.001-04:00

The Horn

2010-03-18T21:17:00.006-04:00

They had crazy hair day at Buddy's daycare this week. When I asked him how he wanted me to do his hair, he gazed up at me and said, "Mommy, I want a horn."

"A horn?"

"Right here," he said, gathering the front of his hair into a point over his forehead.

I reached into the back of the bathroom cabinet and pulled out the hair paste that's still hanging around from when my hair was short... back in 2004. "I think I can set you up," I told him.

And I did:

Hope you're impressed!

Thank you for your comments this week. They've cheered me up as I struggle with school, the kids' march break, co-op workterm interviews and everything else. Hugs!

The Truth

2010-03-17T16:55:00.001-04:00

I enjoy looking at pictures of other people's houses and seeing evidence that they're kinda messy like mine.

It makes me feel less inadequate.

What is a toonie

2010-03-16T20:41:00.008-04:00

I told a story recently about an awkward moment between me and man who asked me for a Toonie, which prompted some of you to ask, "What's a toonie?"

Well, in the interest of educating the world about Canada, I will tell you.

A Toonie is the Canadian two dollar coin:

When I was a little kid, Canada had paper one and two dollar bills (as well as the 5, 10, 20, 50, and up bills that we still have). In 1987, when I was... um... (quick mental math) 12 years old, the Canadian government decided they wanted our currency to be more unique (at least that's how I remember it - don't quote me on that) and they introduced our one dollar coin. We quickly nicknamed the coin (once we stopped belly-aching about how heavy they were to carry compared to the paper bills - Canadians love to complain) the Loonie because of there's a picture of a loon on it:

You can kind of see the logic, eh?

And in 1996, once Canadians were used to hauling around large bags full of golden loonies, the government introduced the two dollar coin. We named it the Toonie because it rhymes with loonie (everybody loves a rhyme!) and it's a two dollar coin. According to Wikipedia, it can also be spelled 'tooney' or 'twoney' but I've always seen it spelled 'Toonie'. Another interesting tidbit I picked up about my country's currency that I did not know before right now (oops, ignorance abounds) is that the bear on the Toonie is named 'Churchill' after Churchill, Manitoba: the polar bear capital of the world. You can go to Churchill and take tours in giant vehicles made to cross the frozen tundra to view the bears in their natural habitat. The tour operators give you a 45% guarantee that the bears will not eat you! It's great.

So there you have it. That, my friends, is what a Toonie is.

More Ass to Kick

2010-03-15T10:57:00.005-04:00

I've been putting on weight.

You see, school keeps me really busy. And by "really busy" I mean silent-scream-wild-eyed-ripping-of-hair-and-gnashing-of-teeth-can't-stop-now-or-I'll-never-get-this-done BUSY. So I haven't had time to go the gym. I mean it. I really, really haven't had time.

On top of that, when I'm stressed I tend to self-medicate with food. So, to put it simply, I've been silent-scream-wild-eyed-riping-of-hair-and-gnashing-of-teeth-can't-stop-now-or-I'll-never-get-this-done STRESSED... and, honey, that makes for a bad case of the munchies.

This is a problem for 2 reasons:

1. We have big plans as a family.

We want to do one of the those walking vacations in England. The wonderful ones where you walk the countryside while your lovely tour company moves all your stuff from the hotel you stayed in last night, to the hotel you'll stay in tonight. Midday, you stop and have lunch and a pint in a nice British pub...

image source

and then you meander on your way, enjoying the countryside and arriving at your next stop just in time for dinner.

Also, those biking vacations in Europe sound wonderful. Biking in the Netherlands or Germany or the north of France.

Check it out! It's us on bikes (years ago now).

I'd like to take the kids downhill skiing sometime.

I don't know when we'll have the money to do these things, but I want to be ready when and if we do. Also, there's the right now activities - walking, hiking, playing with the kids, swimming, skating, etc. I need to be fairly fit to enjoy them with my family and I don't want to be so out of shape that I can't do active stuff with my kids.

2. I don't want to get so fat I can't bend over.

I'm watching a show on HGTV.ca (free live streaming in Canada - THANK YOU HGTV) about this newly married couple who are renovating a house. It's a great show. The husband is funny and charismatic but he's quite big and I couldn't help but notice on the latest show that, when he was babysitting a friend's toddler, he had trouble bending down to play trains with the little boy on the floor. His belly got in the way.

image source

I really don't want that to happen to me.

So what I've decided I'm going to do is this:

The plan

1. Not renew my gym membership, because I'm not using it anyway. I might buy a summer membership, though, so we can use their outdoor pool (which is beautiful - they just converted to salt from chlorine). Paying for a gym membership is expensive and useless if I'm not using it. If I don't renew it, I can put that money towards something I will enjoy doing - like #6 or #7.

2. Get work-out videos from the library and (shhh, I don't think this is legal) copy them onto my computer.

3. Do the workout videos often... like everyday. Or, at least, on the days I'm at home all day working.

4. Take walks. duh.

5. Maybe take up running again. Maybe. I don't really enjoy running, you see. But you can't argue with the fact that it's good exercise.

6. Join the 'walk a marathon' class at the Running Room. I heard about this on CBC - the guy who reaches the class says that walking is better than running and he trains for and walks marathons. Sounds like good training for a walking vacation in England to me.

7. Think about signing up for those kick boxing classes, burn off that stress by kicking and punching.

And that's my plan.

Wish me luck!

PS: I did a work-out video this morning by the guy who choreographed the dancing for Madonna's latest tour:

It was fun, but HARD. I'm sure I looked ridiculous trying to keep up with the dance moves at full-speed. There's times I wish my curtains were more opaque.

But at least I was up and moving, right?

xo

Late Night Walks

2010-03-14T13:14:00.006-04:00

When I was in high school I had a close-knit group of friends. We spent just about every weekend together.

At night we used to talk long walks along the lonely roads of the rural community where I grew up.

When cars would pass us, we'd stop on the side of the road and assume a 'family portrait' pose - we'd stand side by side, facing the road, turned slightly inward towards those in the center of the group, those in front kneeling, those in back with a hand placed lovingly on the shoulder of the person in front of them, all smiling inanely and vacant-eyed at an imaginary photographer in the distance.

image source

We'd hold the pose until the car had passed and disappeared into the distance, then w'd resume our walk. When the next car came along, we'd form our family portrait post again. And when that got dull, we got creative.

We'd form a still-image of a Kung-Fu battle.

i mage source

Or a still-image of a dance-routine, usually Lord of the Dance style.

image source

Sure, we were weird. But we did have fun.

Travels

2010-03-10T20:07:00.004-05:00

All of the pictures are screenshots from Google street view. Locations include: Ronda, Spain; Central Mexico; a mountain pass in Corsica; and Alberta. I also visited Japan, Finland, Scotland, Northern Canada, British Colombia, PEI, Wellington in New Zealand (hi Sue!), lakes district in England, the southern coast of England, the north of France, Florence (a great place to play 'spot the tourist'), the Golden Gate Bridge in San Franciso and NYC.

Google street view is my new obsession.

Kindergartner!

2010-03-03T12:56:00.000-05:00

This is adorable.

Kindergartner!

Someone Jacked My Fist

2010-02-27T08:20:00.008-05:00

I had a job interview yesterday. It was a phone interview.

I think I've mentioned before how much I hate the phone. I find it so hard to gauge what the people on the other end of the line are thinking. Without body language cues, I simply can't judge if they're laughing with me or at me. And, yes, they're usually laughing. For some reason I amuse people, especially when I'm not trying to. It's all a little bit out of my control over the phone. I don't have the (much appreciated, trust me) added control of editing, rewriting, adding popular culture references and Dooce caps that I have here. Phones are no fun. Writing is fun. Talking to people in person is okay. Phones are stressful.

I'm left with the general feeling that I made a fool of myself. And I'm reminded of that episode of Friends when Chandler had to do a job interview... Do you remember it? He was completely unable to have an adult conversation until Pheobe coached him.

She did such a great job that he nailed the interview until the end when the interviewer told him that it went well and he relaxed and confessed that he'd had trouble not laughing when the interviewer mentioned the word 'duties' over and over again, which Chandler, being completely unable to have an adult conversation, heard as 'doodies' and, as such, found deeply funny. And in that post-interview juvenile confession, he lost the respect he'd gained by nailing the interview.

I feel like I'm a bit too much like Chandler, only minus the Pheobe factor.

But then I feel like that after almost any social interaction.

Fun with social anxiety. Whee!

So, yes.... we'll see what comes of that, won't we?

*****

The other day I was dropping off some dry cleaning at the little mall down the street. It was raining and snowing (yes, both at the same time) and messy and, really, I'm not going to march down the street carrying a men's pin-stripe business suit, so I drove. As I pulled into a parking spot, I noticed a man standing awkwardly in the drive. He was watching me in a way that made it clear he was waiting for me to get out of the car so he could ask me a question. He looked like he needed directions.

I grabbed the men's pin-stripe business suit off of the passenger seat, opened my door and attempted to step out of the car gracefully. Stepping out of anything gracefully is a challenge for me on a good day. This day was slippery and wet (heh) and I was holding a men's pin-stripe business suit, which I was trying very hard to keep dry, in one hand; so naturally I stumbled. I took a step back to steady myself, fairly sure I was about to fall in the slush, just as the man turned and started towards me. He saw me take a step back, he noticed the alarmed look on my face and he stopped, put his hands up in an open palmed, CALM DOWN gesture and said, "Whoa! It's okay. I'm safe. I'm safe."

I gazed back at him, wondering to myself if I should bother explaining that I wasn't afraid of him, I was afraid of falling in the dirty parking lot slush and ruining the men's pin-stripe business suit I was holding (men's pin-stripe business suits are expensive!). I decided not to bother and continued to gaze at him, waiting for him to get to the point.

"Um," he said, obviously sorry he decided to approach Overreaction Woman (the world's most annoying super hero). "Um, do you have any loose change you can spare? I'm looking for two toonies."

I gazed at him some more while I did a mental check of my pockets. No change. I never have change. "No," I said.

"Okay," he backed away slowly, hands still held up in an open-palmed, CALM DOWN gesture.

I shrugged, turned and walked into the mall to drop off the men's pin-stripe business suit at the cleaners.

*****

After a long day at school, I arrived home, opened the door and set down my backpack in preparation for taking off my boots and coat.

Buddy ran into the room, "Mommy! Mommy! Someone jacked my fist!"

I squinted at him, "What?"

"My fist! Someone jacked my fist!"

I thought about it for a second, trying to give the words some kind of meaning. I failed.

"What?" I asked.

Buddy looked at me with pity, obviously feeling sorry for me, considering my extreme stupidity. He slowed down his speech so that I could understand, "Someone... Jacked... My.... FIST."

Nope, still didn't make sense. "Someone whated your what now?" I asked.

"You know!" he told me, although I think it was pretty obvious that I didn't. "My Fist! My Gogos Fist. I had it at school and someone jacked it."

"What do you mean, jacked?"

"He stole it! He took it from my Gogos tin. Simon told me he did, because Simon is in his class so he knows. He said he'd get it back for me."

"Oh," I said.

Are you familiar with Gogos? They've exploded in popularity at the boys' school. They're these weird little guys the boys use to stage epic toy battles. It's a similar idea to Pokemon or Bakugan. Fist is one of the characters. He has a fist for a head (of course he does).

I explained to Buddy that he had no way of knowing for sure if the boy in question took his Fist. I explained that he might have his own Fist. That there is more than one Fist in the world. I explained about innocent until proven guilty. I explained that Fist might have just fallen out of his bag anywhere. I explained that he can't really accuse someone of 'jacking' without proof.

This story has no punch line or even an ending... I just wanted to share it to illustrate that IT has started. My son is coming home with newfangled terminology that I'm too over the hill to understand. I believe it's all down hill from here, isn't it? This is the beginning of the end. Soon I'll be muttering to myself about the good old days and saying 'Is that how the kids are saying it these days?' and 'I remember when...' and 'We had to walk. Uphill BOTH WAYS'.

I don't know why I'm surprised. I turn 35 in a few months. This was inevitable. Where did my youth go? I had it right here just a minute ago...

Help! Help! Someone jacked my youth!

Beaker net trolled and loled to death

2010-02-12T17:37:00.001-05:00

More Drivel and Boring

2010-02-10T08:41:00.002-05:00

You know... Sometimes I take things too seriously.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm all about fun and laughter and jokes and not taking anything too seriously. Which is contradicting what I just said, but whatever.

Sometimes, though, people say things that I'm sure are meant kindly and probably they're kidding or maybe they're trying to be helpful... but it makes me mad or it makes me sad or self-conscious, or whatever. I have a negative reaction to it. And the person just goes on merrily as though nothing happened. But my world is kind of wonky for a bit.

And then I think to myself, does everyone see how preachy or mean or whatever this is? Or is it just me? It probably is just me. I'm too sensitive. My Dad always told me I was.

I'm pretty sure it's just me.

Actually I'm 100% sure of it. It's just me.

I'm too sensitive.

Skeezy is for Cool People

2010-01-27T06:52:00.006-05:00

I think I have a work wife.

Definition from Urban Dictionary: Work Wife - That person at work (same or opposite sex) that takes the place of your "at home" spouse while you are at work (no sexual relationship is part of this being!) You talk with, connect to, and relate to this person as good as or better than your "at home" spouse with regards to all things work related.

Snotty aside: the problem with using this definition is that it makes me want to edit it. With my edits it would be: A person of the same or opposite sex who takes the place of your at home spouse while you are at work (there is no sexual component to this relationship). You talk, connect, and relate to this person as well as or better than your at home spouse regarding all things work related.

The only other thing I would add is that you don't need to have a spouse 'at home' in order to have a spouse at work. So my further edit is as follows: A work colleague of either gender with whom one shares a non-sexual connection similar to the companionship aspect of marriage.

Or something like that.

But of course, in my case, it's a school spouse I have, rather than a work wife. School is funny like that. You're thrown together for large chunks of time with people you naturally have stuff in common with. Friendships happen. Even to weirdos like me.

On the very first day of school, I rushed into class 5 minutes late and frazzled and grabbed the chair closest to the door. Sitting next to me was Erika, the woman who would one day become my work wife.

When did I know it was meant to be?

It was when Erika uttered the phrase "skeezy is only for cool people."

It was after class one day, soon after we'd met. Erika and I were chatting as we made our way to the parking lot. We were discussing mullets.

"I'm not a big fan," I said. "In fact, I think they're really skeezy."

Erika stopped walking and turned to stare at me.

"Wait. Stop," she said.

"What?"

"Where did you hear that word? Is that just an Ontario thing?"

"What word? Skeezy?"

"Yeah. I used that word once with a friend who's not from Ontario and she said she'd never heard it before."

"Oh. It's definitely not just an Ontario thing. I think I got it from Buffy" (Side note: I know exactly where I got it and it was from Buffy, from the musical episode - Zander and Anya's song I'll Never Tell, from the lyrics "He snores. She wheezes. Say "housework," and he freezes. She eats these Skeezy cheeses that I can't describe." I just didn't want to share that level of Buffy knowledge that early in our relationship).

"Oh okay," Erika said, nodding her head with dawning, slightly wry, understanding. "It's not just for Ontarians... it's just for cool people."

Awesome.

My appreciation of Erika's wry sense of humor was cemented by this gmail chat exchange about our 8:30am class:

me: good night
à demain
or
you know...

early

Erika: meh.

I'll be there with bells on

me: cool
very musical of you.

i'll be wearing pants

Erika: wow.

we're both trying out new things

Yes. Erika is funny. And because we have all the same classes there are days each week when I spend more time with her than I do with what the urban dictionary definition refers to as my "at home" spouse, and my "at home" children (happily I haven't yet adopted any 'at work' children - I can only assume they would be colleagues who expect me to make their meals and clean up their messes). We have stuff in common. We have a growing list of inside jokes (involving things like whether we've ever been to the library, mustaches and sarcasm). Our conversations consist of what can only be described as banter. If that's not the makings of a beautiful work spouse relationship, I don't know what is.

I haven't officially asked Erika to be my spouse yet. I plan on popping the question later on today and offering her a box of printer paper, as that is the traditional offering when one is proposing to one's potential work spouse. Wish me luck!

****************************

Just as an after thought:

My horoscope today says: Your life feels as if it's slowing down, but you may wish for a return to the simplistic noise from the more complex quietness.

'The simplistic noise from the more complex quietness?'

Heh.

What does that even MEAN?

Do you know what I'd really like? I'd really like to return to the simplistic clarity from the more similar comparisons. Thanks.

So Busted!

2010-01-25T11:12:00.007-05:00

Oh HI! Thanks for stopping by!

What are you doing out there?

OMG!

Oh you are so busted.

Yes. Just more silliness with my webcam. This is what happens when I have stuff due - I procrastinate by taking goofy pictures of myself and then I share them with you because, apparently, I have no shame.

And, as a bonus: Here's my impression of Beaker from the Muppets:

Not bad, right?

Okay... off to edit my assignment, I've made enough of a fool of myself for one day.

I Heart Faces Texture Challenge

2010-01-25T10:42:00.005-05:00

So the I Heart Faces challenge this week is texture.

And since I want to play along, here's my entry:

It's au naturel because, dude, I don't even OWN photoshop. I wish I did, but I don't. So this picture is AS IS. But I think it's a pretty good entry anyway. I mean look at it, it's just FULL of blankety texture. And a cute kids with an adorable smile (if I do say so myself).

So there you go. Texture & faces.

Challenge offered, challenge met.

Belated Christmas Picture

2010-01-24T17:49:00.004-05:00

I took my camera with me when we visited family at Christmas.

But I only pulled it out of my bags once, late on Christmas eve.

Which makes me a bad blogger with no pictures to share. Except one.

But I don't care because, seriously, how cute is this?

Aw!

He's sound asleep in a Santa hat... On Christmas eve... With all his stuffed friends... And his blue blanket that his granny made for him!

This kid does cute like it's his job.

har har har

2010-01-22T17:41:00.003-05:00

Dude!

It is so weird when the phone rings...

from behind me...

and I'm sitting on the couch so that the only thing behind me is...

the couch cushions.

And I look around all like WTF?

And then I have to dig for it.

And I don't even LIKE talking on the phone.

That is seriously SO WEIRD.

Anyway.

We lost a bunch of Buddy's sweaters so we made a trip to the lost and found box at his school, which smells REALLY bad, by the way. I think something died in there.

So we looked through the lost and found and we found... wait for it!

THREE of his sweaters. THREE!

That's a lot.

Yup.

And one more thing. You guys suck at telling me why I'm a rock star (see previous post if you have no idea what I'm talking about)... but I love you anyway.

Mwah!

Quirky Says I'm a Rock Star, So It Must Be True

2010-01-22T08:42:00.006-05:00

The wonderful Quirky from Quirky is a Compliment has awarded me this:

Quirky's blog is so much fun! You should head over there right now to see what Quirky is up to. Hmmm.... Looks like today she's making a mat out of shelf liner and polished stones. Cool! Or in Quirky's words "This is the part where you ooooh and awww appreciatively. If you want to break out into spontaneous song, I'm okay with that too." Heh. Funny lady, that Quirky.

So, yes. Pay her a visit. Tell her I said hi.

According to the rules for this award I am now supposed to tell you why I am a rock star.

1. I was really tired this morning but I still got out of bed and made all my guys a healthy lunch and searched out all their hats and mittens and backpacks and work-bags and wallets and hockey-related sweaters (It's the local hockey team's theme day at school, so the boys needed their sweaters with the local hockey team's logo, or at least clothes in team colours).

2. I like to sing really loud and dance in my car. I don't care who sees me.

3. If you were here, I would buy you a coffee.

4. I have no idea what else to say.

5. This is point number five to nicely round off the list. You're welcome.

I don't know why I'm a rock star, to tell you the truth... but Quirky said I was so it must be true.

And in a shameless bid for flattery I'm going to ask you to tell me why I'm a rock star. Or tell me why I'm not a rock star if you'd rather. Talk to me people - I'm all alone and there are wolves after me.

PS "I'm all alone and there are wolves after me" is the only Simpsons' quote I will ever use on this blog, I promise. Also, I must confess that, while it's true I'm alone (singing: I'm all alone, there's nobody here besiiiide me), it is not true that there are wolves after me. In fact, there is a serious LACK of wolves here in my urban bungalow... much to my boundless delight, let me assure you.

Oh yeah! I want to pass this on to:

Erin at The Mother Load for her honesty and for having the guts to try vlogging and The Nag on the Lake for being awesome in all ways.

So, yes... Why is Melanie a rock star? or Why is Melanie NOT a rock star? Discuss. Or if you prefer discuss something else. I don't mind. Up to you.

Okay, I Admit I Need to Do Better

2010-01-20T10:21:00.002-05:00

I've been a crappy blogger these past months.

Over the summer I was so focused on writing well and telling stories. Now I just toss any old thing up here because I don't have time to go down the story telling rabbit hole and really lose myself in narrative. Or whatever, you know what I mean. Don't you?

Returning to school has taken up a lot of my focus... Writing academically takes up a lot of my will to concentrate. And I still have two little boys who rely on me. So that takes up a lot of my free time (not that I'm complaining. I love those boys).

But there's a problem. I don't want my blog to suck. And I don't want you to go away. And I want you to start commenting again (because you've definitely stopped, most of you).

I want to do better. I want to write posts that are actually worth reading and commenting on. And then when you comment, I want to return the favour by visiting your spectacular blogs and commenting in return.

So I'm going to try to be better. It's a New Years resolution, I guess.

So, there you go.

Turns Out I Don't Know Everything

2010-01-15T08:35:00.003-05:00

Buddy: Mom did you know that Marvel is better than DC?

Mom: What? I don't think that's necessarily true. Sure, we like Spiderman and the X-men, but what about Superman? What about Wonder Woman? Hey! What about the Flash? Flash is very cool.

Monkey: Yeah! Flash is super fast like ZOOOM!

Buddy: Yeah, but Sonic is faster.

Monkey: No he's not! Flash is faster.

Buddy: Sonic can run faster than a car!

Monkey: Flash too! Mommy? Who's faster, Sonic or Flash?

Mom: I'm not sure, honey. I think Flash might be faster. Do you remember that episode of the Justice League where that bad guy took over Flash's body? Do you remember how much trouble he caused and how hard it was for the Justice League to catch him?

Buddy and Monkey: Yeah!

Mom: Well, I think Flash has to hold back a lot. He can't go as fast as he can all the time because he could very easily hurt people and he doesn't want to do that because he's a good guy.

Buddy and Monkey: Yeah!

Mom: Sonic doesn't have to worry about that because he doesn't live in a pseudo-realistic world, like Flash. Flash lives in Metropolis and Sonic lives in a video game world where the laws of physics don't apply in the same way.

Buddy: What video game world?

Mom: I don't know, wherever it is that Sonic lives.

Buddy: Oh yeah! Like Mario!

Mom: Exactly like Mario.

*****************************************

Buddy: Mom, who's your favourite character on Justice League?

Mom: Hmmm. I think Batman is the most impressive because he doesn't actually have super powers, he just has physical fitness, intellect and gadgets, but he manages to keep up with and sometimes even outdo the other characters.

I wouldn't want to be Batman, though, he's too troubled. I'd rather be Flash. Flash has a lot of fun and he's also very powerful. I know that super speed doesn't sound that great on paper, but you've seen what Flash can do. I mean, he can cause tornadoes! Very cool.

I also really like Wonder Woman. She represents for the ladies. Plus I like the whole Amazonian Princess angle.

Oh and John Johns is very cool, but kind of unrelatable being a Martian n'all.

Superman is too goody-two-shoes for me.

Who's your favourite?

Buddy: Flash! He's really fast!

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Monkey, crawling in bed with me this morning: Mom! Did you know that walruses are heavier than polar bears?

Mom: Walruses are heavier? Really? No, I didn't know that.

Monkey: You didn't know?

Mom: Nope.

Monkey: Really?

Mom: Yup.

Monkey: Dad! Dad! Mom didn't know that walruses are heavier than polar bears. I'm smarter than mom! Way smarter than mom!

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Apparently there's a hole in my boy-related knowledge. I know all about super heroes, legos, star wars, video games... But I don't know about walruses.

Good thing I'm back in school.

My Brain is Working Not So Much

2010-01-11T16:22:00.004-05:00

This is my brain:

This is my brain on grad school:

I apparently lost the ability to string coherent sentences together over the holidays.

I have two short papers due tomorrow.

Hold me.

All About You

2010-01-08T09:06:00.006-05:00

I want to know more about you. The following 5 questions were compiled by a team of (imaginary) social psychologists - experts in the field of human behaviour. These questions were found, based on years of research, testing and social experiments, to be those most likely to allow me to understand who you are and what makes you tick.

I look forward to learning all about you.

You can answer the question in the comments here or at grab the questions for a post at your blog (because they are just that good, the social psychologists really outdid themselves)... If you take them to your blog, don't forget to leave a link to the post in the comments.

1. How often do you clean your baseboards?

2. What is on your bedside table?

3. Of the pictures and other decoraty stuff hanging on the walls in your home, describe your favourite. Why is it your favourite?

4. What song do you remember with nostalgia from when you were young? A lullaby? A song you danced to with your first boy/girlfriend? A solo you sang in choir? The first rock anthem of your teenage rebelion?

5. Do you think Jude Law is hotter with our without a mustache? See pictures below:

Without:

With:

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. I also want to thank my team of (imaginary) social psychologists - thank you boys! (why are the social psychologists in my head all men? weird)

****

Just a quick blog-related note.

I had to turn on word verification for the comments. The spam bots were out of control. I apologize to my real, non spam bot, readers. I know how annoying word verification is. I hope you'll still comment.

The Future is Now

2010-01-07T08:33:00.007-05:00

I heard on the radio this morning that scientists have invented a new jet fuel that cuts the travel time between Earth and Mars down from 7 months to 40 days.

People, welcome to the future!

Not that Mars is anyone's dream destination, mind you. It's cold and there's no air. I say that, but I don't really know what I'm talking about. I'm no scientist... I checked it out, though, and according to Wikipedia, the atmosphere on Mars only contains traces of Oxygen. There's also no water.

So yeah... if you like to be alive, Mars is not the place to be.

Plus it's not exactly scenic is it?

Image Source

In other news, airports are introducing those new scanning machines. Apparently they work very much like Superman's x-ray vision - they see through your clothes. Except they use something called T-rays, which we can only assume pity the fool who tries to smuggle explosives or other weapons onto a plane.

Image Source

The news report said that people think the T-ray scanners are too intrusive. I don't think so. As far as I'm concerned, if they mean shorter wait times at airports and a stronger guarantee of not exploding in the air, I'm all for them. Also, they have to be less intrusive than a strip search, which is their alternative. I mean, look at that image... You can see all the guy's weapons, but you can't see his junk or whether he's got cartoon characters on his underwear. What's intrusive about that?

Also, regarding the image, I can understand why he's got a knife and a couple of guns if he's up to no good, but why does he have a dildo on his shoulder? This guy is definitely suspicious.

Yes. The scanners are good. I give them a win. Install them now, I'll wait.

Letter To My Endless Headcold

2010-01-06T09:40:00.004-05:00