Adventures with Spane Beeper

Afraid to Go to Bed

2012-02-03T14:24:00.000-08:00

Spane told me last night that he was afraid to go to bed. That's why we had such a bad time yesterday.

We had a good discussion this morning of how the voices work. It's been a while since they've been around - they were suppressed by the Seroquel. I thought I should ask him in the morning before the "beaties" come out.

Spane said that the voices are very loud, and often scream at him. He said that the ONLY time they come is when he has a headache, which usually starts around dusk.

That means to me, if we can keep the headaches away, we can keep the voices away. So, I told Spane to let me know if there is even a HINT of a headache coming, I'll give him some pain medication, and hopefully the beasties won't even get a chance to come!

Back to Days of Atonement

2012-02-02T16:57:00.000-08:00

Well, my idea that Spane would be okay without the Benedril was really, really wrong. What happened last night brought me right back to where we were in September of 2010 [read document]

Spane didn't feel good, probably because he's gotten the same cold that's been going around our group of friends. I thought he would probably go to bed early because of it.

At 8:30 pm Wednesday night, I asked Spane if he would like to play Mille Borne with me, and he said yes. I figured a short game, and then he would go to bed. We played, he lost.

There was a really good show on Nova, and Spane asked if he could stay up and watch it. I said if he was quiet, and sat on the sofa with me, and promised to go to bed at 10:00 pm, he could.

Of course, at 10:00 pm, he wanted to stay up more. He came up with every excuse in the book, he wasn't tired, he was hungry, and I just kept telling him to go to bed. Finally, I tried to give him some pain reliever thinking he had a headache.

He was resistant, so in trying to hold his mouth open, I mistakenly pulled his hair. He opened his mouth, I put the aspirin in, he spit it out and ran off to the kitchen.

I apologized, offered him more medicine, and then put a bag of frozen vegetables on his head. He wanted to lay on the sofa. I wanted him to go to bed. Finally, I relented and let him lay on the sofa with the bag on his head. I got him to take the aspirin. When he felt better, I told him to go to bed. He refused. He said it wasn't fair that he had to go to bed when I got to stay up as long as I wanted to.

I tried to explain to him that everyone needs a little wind down time before they go to bed, and that was what I wanted to do, and would join him soon. He wanted to sleep in the living room, I didn't want him to because I needed my wind down time, and I can't do that with him talking to me.

To appease him, I said I would go to bed with him right then, and I put on my pajamas and got a book to read. Of course, that was also a battle because he complained about the light. By this time, I was getting a little tired myself, so I got up and turned off the light.

Shades of last summer! Spane insisted on covering me with pillows and stuffed animals, laughing all the time. It was maniacal laugher. It was scaring me, and I felt powerless. He wasn't even getting any less hyper, in fact, it was increasing. Finally, I turned over and started tickling him. Then, when he couldn't take it anymore, he jumped up and went into the bathroom.

I got up, fixed the blankets, and laid down again. Spane came in, grabbed all the blankets and went back into the bathroom, saying he was going to sleep in there. I said fine, and shut my eyes.

A few minutes later, he came back with a blanket and covered me. He was crying. He was saying that he was a really bad child, and that he didn't deserve to have a blanket. I tried to comfort him, but he would not take a blanket, even though he said he was freezing. Then he said he didn't even deserve a bed, and left saying he was going to sleep on the floor in the living room.

That scared me to no end. He sounded so despondent I was afraid he might try to hurt himself.

I got up and followed him, reached down to him on the floor, and told him the everyone has bad days, and he just had a bad day. I told him he was a great kid, that I loved him very much. He still insisted that he was bad. I asked him to sit with me on the sofa, and when he did, I hugged him and kissed him, and tried to bring his spirits back.

By this time, it was 12:30 in the morning. He wasn't sleepy at all, and I was out of ideas. Then I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie, so we got Kung Fu Panda 2 on demand and watched that. We split a baloney sandwich, too.

I thought that he would fall asleep watching the movie, but it was me who found myself nodding towards the end. When it was over, I said I was going to bed. He didn't seem to be in any danger, so I thought it was okay to do that.

He got in bed with me, and hugged me, still not wanting a blanket. Then he told me that he didn't have any friends. He just sounded so sad. Finally, about 3:30 am, I heard him snoring.

He's home today because he really didn't feel good this morning at 8:30 when I tried to wake him up. He got up at 11:00 this morning, and looked sick. He's watching TV.

I'm going to the pharmacy and getting him some Benedril.

Two for One

2012-01-31T20:00:00.000-08:00

We went to see Dr. Red today and Clara together so we could go over a treatment plan for Spane. Dr. Red again emphasized that Seroquel was not a good choice, and gave me a prescription for Benedril instead.

I thought we already had some in the medicine cabinet, so I didn't fill the prescription. Spane went to bed around 11pm, which wasn't so bad. I don't think it's going to be that bad.

I hate the idea of having Spane on Benedril again, like he was before he was diagnosed with Dandy Walker. I'm going to see just how bad it gets and decide from there. So far, so good.

Following the Schedule

2012-01-30T22:25:00.000-08:00

That computer is WONDERFUL. I told Spane that I had put a timer on the computer so it would shut off at 9 pm, and he was fine with it. When the computer shut itself off, he got up, kissed me, and went to bed!

A Three Hour Tour...

2012-01-29T15:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Spane and I took the train to Santa Clarita to help Theresa install her printer to her new computer, and install some virus software. It should have taken about three hours, maximum.

When we got there, I asked Theresa if she had heard anything from Douglas, and she said that, of course, Douglas had accused me of trying to keep Spane from seeing him. What a jerk! He refuses to even think that he might have hurt Spane so much when he threatened him with foster care. Like everything else, he refuses to take any responsibility.

Well, let me tell you a little bit about Hewlett Packard. They sell cheap printers that work just fine until you decide to upgrade your operating system. Then, when you try to install your old printer, you are informed that you have to roll back your operating system to one that the printer will accept. They do not make drivers for the new operating system. You have no choice but to go out and get a new printer. No other printer manufacturer does this - every other manufacturer has patches you can download to make the drivers acceptable.

Of course, Theresa had an older printer that was not compatible. We went on-line and looked for other printers that were in her price range that did not have that practice, and found a really nice wireless all-in-one printer from Epson. It's a great printer, I highly recommend the Epson Workforce printer.

They also have their Internet through AT&T, which means that they have a proprietary combination modem and router. If you change anything on it, like its CSID, it will stop broadcasting. It took a technician from AT&T and I almost an hour to figure that out. Not a fun thing to do.

We didn't get home until almost 12:30 this morning. I'm tired, my back hurts from sitting on the floor for two hours, and I'm not doing anything today.

Thank God for Spane. He's such a good boy, he cleaned the bathroom with bleach and cleaned up the living room, too. I love my son!

Las Vegas for Kids

2012-01-27T21:30:00.000-08:00

Spane's school had a fund raising event at Chucky Cheeses. Amber and her kids were going to go, but Noelle had to go to Social Skills in Burbank today, so we went with Amber and Noelle. Spane brought his homework with him.

When we got there, Noelle asked Spane if he wanted to go to group with her, and he said yes. The counselor said that would be fine, so he went.

While Spane and Noelle were in session, Amber worked on making her family a daily schedule. She went through several sheets of paper, but she finally had it. I use Lotus Organizer, and have had a schedule for quite a while, although we don't always stick to it. Doing the schedule with Amber was really helpful to me.

Going with Noelle was really helpful for Spane, too. He was beaming when he came out. I'm going to look into this for him as well.

Then we went to Chucky Cheeses for the fund raiser, which had started at 3 pm, and was going on til 9 pm. We got there around 7pm, and the place was packed. There was only one girl at the counter, with 30 people in line, and an hour wait for pizza. We decided to get drinks only, and feed the kids after.

When we got home about 9:30, Spane was tired and happy. He happily went to bed, without even looking at the computer. Yes!

Hello Kitty!

2012-01-26T21:00:00.000-08:00

Spane and I took the first bus after school to get to his 4 pm appointment with his therapist. As luck would have it, we arrived about 15 minutes early, and I suggested we go to the Good Will store across the street to kill that little bit of time.

I found a couple of books to read, and as I was checking out, across the counter one of the clerks had put a laptop on the counter. It was a Hello Kitty laptop with Hello Kitty all over it. It looked horrible, but I went and looked at it anyway.

The clerk said the only thing wrong with it was that it would not hold a charge, but I could get a battery on Amazon very inexpensively. Since I had not gotten Spane a great Christmas present, and we did not go to Nevada for the Caucuses as I had hoped for his birthday, I told him the computer was both his birthday and Christmas present. He was thrilled.

When we got to the therapist, I was sitting there talking to her, and fiddling with the top, when I discovered that the Hello Kitty was only contact paper! I just peeled it off, and now Spane has a spiffy looking Compaq notebook computer!

Of course, that means some parental choices are going to have to be made. It's a WinXP Home edition, so it can't use Family Safety. I had to find another way around that, and posted the solution to it at winxp-home-how-parents-can-set-up-time-restrictions. It's a wonderful thing, and a wonderful parenting tool.

Back to Two

2012-01-25T19:00:00.000-08:00

Douglas called last night and said that he and Pauly were going to be in Glendale, and he wanted to see Spane. As I was on my way to pick Spane up, Douglas called me on my cell and said that he was at a restaurant, and that he would pay for a cab for Spane and I to meet him. I told him I would ask Spane how he felt about it. I'm amazed that he hasn't gotten the faintest clue that he hurt his child so much when he threatened Spane with foster care.

When I picked up Spane, I did ask him how he felt about it, and he said, "Mommy, I don't want to see Douglas. Not after he wanted to know how big of a tent I want. I never want to see him again."

I told him he needed to tell his father that himself, because I didn't want Douglas to think that I was refusing to let Spane see him. I don't want Douglas to have anything he could possibly use against me in court.

We went to the park, and waited for Amber or Stevie to come by. I wanted a credible witness when Spane called his father, and also someone who Spane trusted. I handed the phone to Spane, and Stevie said to Spane, "Listen just tell him you have homework or something". A second later, Spane said at the top of his lungs "DON'T COME HERE. I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!", and he hung up the phone. He said he had gotten voice mail.

As Spane and I sat eating dinner, Spane said to me, "Mommy, just one Seroquel isn't working for me. Please, can I have two?"

Tonight, I called and left a message with Spane's therapist that I was giving him two Seroquels. Well, at least it's not three the way it used to be.

Glendale's Finest

2012-01-24T23:21:00.000-08:00

John was supposed to come over on Monday, but it rained so he did not. He decided to come by on Tuesday instead. He was coming to see Spane and make some meals for himself. His kitchen is tiny, and my kitchen has a big table that is perfect for preparing lots of different foods. I use it when I'm making Chicken Croquetas or Roll Out Cookies.

John was there when Spane came home and Spane was excited to see him. When I say excited, I mean excited. Homework is supposed to be done after school, after getting a snack. I asked Spane if he had started his homework, and he said his homework was in Heaven, as he ran around the house. I told him he needed to start his homework, and he said that he had left the homework at school.

This has happened a few times, so I really had no reason to think this time was different. I opened his backpack, just to check, found something that looked like it might be homework and asked him about it. He said it was something else entirely, and that he had definitely left the homework as school. I said okay, then that's that.

Since it was a Tuesday, Spane gets to stay up a little later because he doesn't have to be to school until 9:00 on Wednesdays. At 9:30, I reminded him that he needed to get into his pajamas so he would be ready for bed on time.

He flatly refused. I insisted. At some point in this argument, Spane started hitting me, and just got completely out of control. I threatened to call the police, he said fine, very defiantly, and so I did.

Of course, he was frightened when he realized I had actually done it. He knows that the police can take him into foster care if they think I am an unfit mother. Not being able to get my child into bed could conceivably be grounds for that - but I was desperate.

When the police came, Spane was still not in his pajamas, and was standing on the stoop with a bit of attitude. The police asked what was going on, I told them about the Dandy Walker syndrome, that Spane would not go to bed, and that he was getting violent. They had a nice talk with him, and basically told him that it was not their job to come out and get him to bed, and that I was his mother, and he needed to do what I told him to do.

I finally got him to go to bed, but I was thinking that only one Seroquel was not doing its job. It seemed we were going backward instead of forward.

Seeing Red

2012-01-20T22:34:00.000-08:00

Spane's psychiatrist is Anita Red. She's a wonderful doctor, and very concerned about Spane. When I left a message with Spane's therapist, Clara, that the voices were back despite the Seroquel, Dr. Red called me and said to bring Spane in.

Her first concern was for the Seroquel itself, since it really isn't a good drug. It leads to obesity, diabetes and other nasty things. At the time, the blood work that Spane's pediatrician had done was still not in Dr. Red's hands. I called his pediatrician's office and asked them to fax his medical records over. I am amazed at how many information releases I have signed, for both doctors, for CHLA, for the SSI attorney, even for the school!

Because of the Seroquel issue, Dr. Red said that she wanted to reduce it down to one a day. Then she said she wanted us to come back in two weeks to see how it went.

They're Baaaack

2012-01-17T21:26:00.000-08:00

Saturday, when John came over, Spane was acting very strangely, and most uncooperatively. I looked at his eyes, and they seemed to be rolling around in his head. I asked him if he were hearing voices, and he said "Yes, Mommy".

This morning, when I asked him if his headaches were getting worse, he said yes they were.

So, this afternoon, I took him to his pediatrician. The good thing is, there are only 10 voices, not the usual 50. His pediatrician hasn't gotten the results back from the MRI Spane had on the 27th of December, and she also wants to talk to his psychiatrist to determine next steps, if any.

Ungracious Host

2011-12-17T16:00:00.000-08:00

I haven't been writing here for a while, because everything has been going pretty smoothly up to this point.

Spane has a friend, Leo, that he likes very much. Leo and he are the same age. He also has a friend named Mateo, that he also likes. Mateo is also an only child, and is a year younger than Spane. So, I thought it would be nice if we could have a Kid's Christmas party, and Spane invited Leo and Mateo and Noelle. He also invited David G. and his sister, Helen, but they couldn't make it.

When Mateo's mother dropped him off, she warned him that he had to do everything I said, and that he had to be a good boy. I wondered at the time why she would say something like that because Mateo is such a sweet boy.

Everything was going just fine until Mateo took Spane's Lego helicopter and started playing with it, without asking Spane's permission first. Spane got very upset. I told him he was not being a nice host, and then I got all the kids together, and told Mateo that we really liked him, but could he please ask before he used something. Mateo apologized but, Spane would not accept the apology. Mateo kept playing with the Lego helicopter.

He actually managed to scare both Leo and Mateo with screaming and accusing. Poor Mateo had to hide in the bathroom. Both Noelle and Zeik tried to reason with him, but to no avail.

Finally, John arrived and I thought maybe things would get better. Instead they got worse. He started hitting John, and kicking me. Finally, while Amber took hold of his feet, John took hold of his arms and tried to calm him down. I went inside to tell Mateo that I was going to call his mother to pick him up - but that it was not his fault.

Leo's mother arrived and took Leo home. I don't think that Leo will ever be coming over here again. Spane was so horrible. If I were Leo's mother, I would not let my child come around Spane at all - and I told Spane that.

After everyone but John left, he kept on going on about how bad a parent I am and how he wants new parents. He slammed the bathroom door repeatedly. At one point I asked him how he would feel if he had a parent that beat him all the time, was drunk all the time, and yelled at him all the time, that left him alone, didn't feed him much. He said that even though I wasn't any of those things, I might as well be because I was such a bad parent. The last thing he said to me was that my Christmas present sucked. John asked me what I was getting him for Christmas and I said, "Not a damned thing."

I mean it, too. I'll put things under the tree from Santa, but there will be nothing from Mommy.

I'm sitting here typing this. He's playing with John, still not quite right, still angry, but much calmer than earlier. He has not apologized, or even acknowledged that he hurt me. I'm very, very hurt. I know I'm a good parent, and I know he loves me very much, and I know he thinks that I am a good mother. But, what he said has hurt me to the quick. I'm done.

A while later, Amber called me and asked if I still wanted to make the roll-out cookies. I asked Spane if he wanted to, and he said, yes he did. Then I told him that he needed to say he was sorry to a whole bunch of people. I made him get on the phone and personally apologize to Mateo and Amber. Then he apologized to me, and John.

Amber came back with Noelle and Mateo. Spane and Mateo started at it again, and John told them both to stop. Mateo wanted to spend the night at Amber's, and Spane wanted to as well. The deal was that Spane and Mateo had to be nice to each other or Spane would have to stay home.

At one point, Amber took me aside and told me that she was watching Mateo push Spane's buttons. I felt really bad, because all this time, I thought it was Spane being a bad host. Now I know why Mateo's mother said what she said. Apparently, Mateo gets attention by pushing buttons - that's not a good thing. I feel terrible now, because Spane kept on saying that no one believed him. I really was being a bad parent because I wasn't listening to my child enough.

I want to discuss this with Spane's therapist on Wednesday. I want to see if there might be some kind of social skills or anger management class Spane could go to. If he had been able to tell us what was really wrong, maybe some of this could have been avoided. The other thing Spane needs to learn is how to deal with button pushers. Hey, I'd take that class, too. I've got very sensitive buttons myself.

The Douglas is a Dick Show

2011-12-11T21:00:00.000-08:00

For those of you who have been following the Douglas is a Dick show, he called me tonight and bragged that he had just come back from Nevada, where he won a bunch of money, but he went shopping and spent it all. I just kept saying "that's nice", "that's nice".

Douglas is a Dick

2011-12-10T19:30:00.000-08:00

Douglas is being a real dick. He's trying to scare me by saying that he's going to put Spane into foster care. That's his solution to not having to pay child support. Well, at least Spane has now seen what a true prick his father is. I think my next step might be a restraining order. That'll fix him!

Dinner with Douglas

2011-12-04T20:30:00.000-08:00

Douglas told me that he would match me half way if I could come up with half of the money for the power bill. Yesterday, I just paid it. Of course, now I have no rent money.

Douglas called and said that he and Pauly wanted to take Spane to dinner at Elaina's. I found it interesting that he didn't bother to ask me how he could be talking to me on the phone, considering my phone requires an Internet connection.

When we got to Elaina's Douglas finally asked me about the electricity situation. I think he figured that if I had turned it on, he wouldn't have to give me any money. He said that since I had already paid it, he had no intention of giving me any money at all. Then he said he was happy that we would get evicted.

Spane started looking upset, and I tried to reassure him. I told him that even if we had to more, it would still be okay, he'd probably go to a new school, and make new friends. I was trying to put a positive drape over a potential disaster.

Spane got more upset, and went under the table. That's what children so when they want to get away from unpleasant situations. Pauly and Douglas kept telling him to sit back at the table, and said to leave Spane alone and let him deal with his emotions in his own way. Finally, when Pauly threatened to leave, Spane got up and sat down.

When the food came, even though Spane was hungry, he picked at his food. He loves Elaina's chicken kabob, and he was just picking at it. I could tell that he was upset, and then Douglas looks at him and asks:

"So what size tent do you want? You're going to be homeless. I'm going to make sure you are taken away from your mother and put into foster care."

That sent Spane over the edge. I don't blame him, it sent me over the edge, too. I took Spane's hand and told Pauly and Douglas that I was going to take him outside because he wasn't behaving right.

Of course, when we got outside, I hugged Spane and said he didn't do anything wrong, that I just had needed an excuse to get him out of there. Spane was beside himself, crying and yelling that he hated his father, and never wanted to see him again. I was tempted to take Spane home, but I knew if I did that I would never see money from Douglas, and I needed it to pay rent.

They finally came out, we got in the car, and drove back to our house silently. When we got back to the house, Pauly whispered to me that Douglas had the money with him - I knew he did. I said to Douglas:

"I've known you for 12 years, and in all that time you have never reneged on a promise. You told me that you would meet me half way, are you now going to break your promise?"

Reluctantly, he handed me the money, then screamed that he would never see us again.

As Spane and I walked into the house, I said to myself, "On the contrary, you will be seeing me in court!"

Powerless

2011-11-29T12:51:00.000-08:00

I can't believe this happened. I forgot to pay the electric bill, and when I came home from dropping Spane off at school, the electricity was out. Not only that, I won't get any money until the 2nd of December. We're looking at four days of no power.

It's a good thing I have some kind of survivalist thinking. I put all the perishables in Amber's refrigerator, and I'll probably be spending at lot of time over there, trying to get funds together before the 2nd.

Of course, Douglas is being of no help. You know, if he had consistently given me some kind of child support, this wouldn't be happening. I realize he doesn't have a regular job, but then he calls me and says that he's just come back from Tahoe, and won all this money - or he just got through doing this big job, and has all this money. None of it finds its way into our house, except for the occasional ice cream for Spane. Well, it doesn't surprise me at all, after all this is the person who said that he was going to kill me and get Spane into foster care as soon as he was born.

Spane the Ladies Man

2011-08-25T22:04:00.000-07:00

As I sit here typing this, Spane is next door with his friend, a little girl. He must like her a lot because:

He gave her his scooter when hers was in the shop
He gave her his bicycle to ride because hers is in the shop, so he's doing the scooter.
Over heard him say "Come over to my house and see my cat." (See my etchings?)
Impressed her saying "Watch how can drink all this milk in two seconds!" She was duly impressed.
Didn't want to take a shower because he would not be able to make sure she was okay riding his bicycle.
Puts up with playing girly stuffed animals with her.

Dad is Taking us to Dinner

Thursday, August 25, 2011, we were supposed to go to a small meeting for Organizing for America, but Douglas called and said that he and Pauly wanted to go to Josephina's. I'm sorry, but that is something I will just not pass up. I love the chicken, and I could eat that rice pilaf every day. Seriously.

When we got to the restaurant, I noticed that Douglas was a little quieter than usual. Pauly had his two cents to put in about how Spane's problem must be because he had fallen on his head. I calmly explained that:

Dandy Walker Syndrome is congenital (you're born with it)
Dandy Walker Syndrome is genetic (you get it from one of your parents)
Spane has not fallen on his head

After dinner, they took us home, and Spane was pretty good about going to bed on time, especially since he knew that Friday, August 26, 2011, we were going out with his Dad for Back to School shopping.

I should have known that Douglas being quiet like that was a portent of things to come.

And Now For Something Completely Different...

Here's the video of Rolo sleeping on the keyboard that Spane wanted her to see:

I Can't Take It Anymore

2011-08-23T23:45:00.000-07:00

Dad Reassures Me

I went to sleep about 5:00 am this morning, thinking I could sleep in a little. How silly of me to think that! The phone rang at 7:45 and it was Douglas calling from Lake Tahoe. He wanted to know how everything was, and wanted to say that he was going to be getting Spane's back to school clothes. I told him about the Seroquel not working, and he said that his medication was like that, too. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. He wasn't happy to hear that news, but I told him I felt reassured.

We Make Waffles

When I woke Spane up at 10:30, and asked him what he wanted to breakfast, he said waffles, and I said that was fine. Then he fell asleep on the couch, and I didn't think about it until he started to complain about why they were not done. I told him that I had been waiting for him to wake up so he could help me, since he really likes to help make waffles. Finally after a lot of whining, he joined me in the kitchen and we made the waffles.

I made a large batch, thinking I could freeze some for school day breakfasts. I was going to just wrap them in waxed paper when I realized I had a Ziplock pump vacuum sealer and bags, just enough for the four pieces of waffle we had left over.

I have a blog, The Good Plate, that is becoming popular where I talk about the recipes I have made. I use my web cam, so I have to take the food to my desk if I want to take pictures or make videos. I have a white plastic table cloth that I put on top of the desk, and my pictures actually turn out pretty good.

So, I had the waffles with wax paper, and the vacuum bag, and the pump on top of the tablecloth. Spane came up and grabbed the pump and started to play with it. I told him to give it back to me because I was going to make a video, and he could help, but he refused to give it back. He pumped it over and over again, always keeping it just out of my reach. Then started trying to put it on Rolo, and that's when I lost it and actually yelled at him.

I finally got the thing away from him, and told him he was grounded. No bicycle, no television - only coloring or reading. Then I set up my stuff and made my video - with him whining all the way through it.

The sound was a disaster, and it made Spane laugh really hard. I haven't done anything else to the video because there were too many other things I had to do today. But, it made us smile again. I told Spane he could use his scooter since he was grounded for the bicycle.

Spane Finds a Nest

I was working on the computer when Spane came up to me and said that he had found a bug in the kitchen. My knife block is right by the front door, and sure enough there was a nest of beetles that were living under my knife block. I sprayed bleach on them, and washed everything on the counter in steaming hot water. Then I put eucalyptus drops to discourage any other bugs from coming into my kitchen.

I Have to Fix the Printer

My printer stopped communicating with my computer a few months ago. This was not a big deal to me, because I never have to print, and if I do want to print something, I print it to PDF and save it. After a lot of frustration, pulling on cords, reinstalling and rebooting, two hours later, I finally got the thing to work!

It was a really draining day, and I couldn't think of what to do for dinner. There was nothing in the freezer that looked appetizing or quick, but, there was a can of Chicken a la King in the cupboard that I prepared with fettuccine and Parmesan. It was really good!

Spane Starts Getting Strange

I should have realized the signs when Spane insisted and waiting to talk with the neighbor. He really likes Orlando, and they have conversations together. He's a nice man. When Spane came in, I told him he needed to clean up his toys in the living room. He immediately started complaining that it was too difficult, I always made him do everything, etc., etc.

He had a DVD and tape laying on the floor. I picked them both up and said if he didn't care about them, then I might as well throw them out. He tried to get them out of my hand, but I eventually got to the trash can. I had no intention of actually throwing them out, and I told him that since he did not know how to take care of his things, then he needed to lose them for a week. I put the stuff on the highest shelf in the kitchen.

That's when Spane really got mad and threw all his shoes at me. These were the shoes that John Farion bought, so he threw six shoes at me. Finally, I got away from him, and got to the phone. I started dialing 911, but he begged me not to do it.

The Headaches and Voices Are Really Bad, Mom

I told Spane that I couldn't take it anymore. It was just too much. I said that we had to do something, that he had to fight the voices. He said that if he didn't do what the voices said, his headaches just got much worse. It was really bad tonight, even though I gave him a 300mg Ibuprofen along with his 50 mg Seraquel after dinner.

I really don't know what to do at this point. I am afraid one of us is going to seriously hurt the other. Maybe I should go away at night, or maybe have someone here at night. I don't know, I just don't know.

Shit! - Seroquel is Not Working

2011-08-22T23:59:00.000-07:00

Mom Feels Better

So, today, I felt better, and I actually got some stuff done on the computer. Spane sat and watched TV all day because he said that it was too hot to go outside. His doctor warned me that Seroquel might make Spane a little lethargic, but it was hot today.

Getting Ready for School

Spane wrote in his notebook that he was going to go to bed tonight at 9:30 because he knows school is starting soon. He showed it to me just before I said it was time to make dinner.

We Have Dinner

I made a nice dinner, Ham Steak with Blackberry Mustard Glaze, Mashed “Yams”, Southern Sweet Peas and Peaches Raleigh. Spane loved it, and especially liked the Peaches Raleigh. I gave him his Seroquel, two, and his pain medication at about 8:30, thinking that he would be nice and relaxed by the time he wanted to go to bed at 9:30.

It Isn't Working

We watched TV, and then I reminded Spane about going to bed at 9:30. I said he could stay up til 10:00, and he was okay with that.

About 11:00, when it was really time to go to bed, I said he needed to go to bed, and that's when he told me that the Seroquel was not working. He said that he was still hearing voices, and that the headaches were just as bad as before.

I know he's trying. He felt bad about spilling something on the floor today, so he washed both the kitchen and bathroom floors, by himself, without any help. He did a good job, but, he still didn't get tired.

It's 02:32 on Tuesday morning, August 23, 2011, and Spane is still awake, and does not seem to be getting sleepy. I have to call his doctor later this morning. This is not working!

Shit! I was so happy when I thought that the voices were gone! My poor baby! Shit! Shit! Shit!!!!!!!!!!

Mom is Sick

2011-08-21T23:11:00.000-07:00

Mom Ate Something Bad

Friday afternoon, I ate some of a krab sandwich left over from Monday, and it tasted off, so I did not eat all of it. Good thing, because by 6:00am, I had the runs. I went back to bed, and got up at 9:30, and could not sit at the computer I felt so bad. So, I laid down on the sofa.

Spane is a Good Doctor

Spane was so sweet to me all day Sunday. Of course, that may have been because I let him sit on the computer and play his computer games most of the day.

We did not go to Mass because I was too sick, but I did talk to my therapist and got her caught up on what was going on with Douglas and Spane.

Spane Goes to Sleep

This was the first day that Spane was having both the Seroquels at night, and none during the day. Spane stayed on the computer til about 1:00am and then he went to sleep. I stayed on the couch, and drifted in and out.

Noelle's Birthday

2011-08-20T23:40:00.000-07:00

Time to Clean the House

Douglas arrived Saturday morning, and complained that the house was not clean. I agreed, and showed him the beat up broom that belongs to Maria that I have to work with. My mop went out last week just before I was having the Obama people over, and it broke apart in my hand as I tried to clean the floor on my hands and knees.

So we went down to the local dollar store and found all the stuff I needed for under $20.00 - a nice new broom, a nice metal standing dust pan, a "Sham Wow" type cloth mop (great!), and best of all, a nice bucket specifically made for cloth mops.

I was so thrilled with my new cleaning supplies that when we got back, I immediately put on Mozart's Requiem and started cleaning. I mean I really scrubbed, bleached all the base boards, bleached all the surfaces, swept and washed all the floors.

While I was doing the kitchen and bathroom, Douglas had Spane get all the stuff that was on the living room floor up - mostly toys and pieces of paper that had gotten under things. There was only one large bag of trash, I was surprised. Half way through this, Noelle, the birthday girl, came over and helped Spane.

Time to Go to the Party

We all went over to the party across the street. Stevie was barbecuing, and Amber had great fun games for the kids.

Amber and I went back and got the star of the show, the cake. It really looked amazing as Amber had put gel on the waterfall part. I'll have pictures soon, I promise. Everyone had cake and really enjoyed it.

When everyone had eaten cake, presents were opened. Noelle was really excited that she got a Pillow Pet, and she liked the presents we made for her.

Back to Amber's

So, everyone went back to Amber's house after the party. Spane played with the other kids, and Douglas and I went and talked with the adults. We had a nice time, and then he left to go home.

Spane and I stayed a while longer, then Amber drove us home.

Remembering Ollie Hammond's

Back in the day, my friends and I used to go to Ollie Hammond's after the clubs and get breakfast. I remember Ollie Hammond's had these wonderful home fried made with red potatoes. When Spane and I got home from Amber's I asked him if he was hungry and he said he was ravenous. So, I whipped up some scrambled eggs with leeks and white cheddar, bacon and red potato home fries. We ate everything with gusto, and I gave Spane his Seroquel and pain medication.

Spane Had a Big Day

Spane had a big day, and he fell asleep on the couch. I woke him up, and we went to sleep together.

It was a nice day!

Shoes For School

2011-08-19T23:08:00.000-07:00

Spane Gets Shoes

When John brought Spane home, we had an impromptu fashion show as Spane tried on the shoes that John had gotten for him. John got him a pair of sandals that he can wear for the rest of summer, black deck shoes with gray stars, and light brown lace up canvas shoes. All these shoes are wonderful because they will let Spane's feet breath - he has bad food odor. Pictures of the shoes are below.

Mom Ate Something Bad

While I was sitting here at the computer waiting for Spane to get home, I got hungry, and since it was Friday, and therefore no meat, I looked in the refrigerator, and there was a krab salad sandwich that Spane had not eaten on Monday. It tasted a little off, so I didn't eat all of it.

Mushrooms for Dinner

I had made stuffed mushrooms in the afternoon. The recipe is available for Stuffed Mushrooms in Wine Sauce is available at The Good Plate, and I served them with baked potatoes with all the fixin's, except bacon. We had a nice dinner.

Spane and I watched TV together, and I gave him his pain and "voices" medication. He said it wasn't working, and I'm sure he meant that the voices medicine, Seroquel, does not work for headache pain.

He did not want to go to sleep, but I told him he had to if he wanted to go to Noelle's party the next day, so he reluctantly toddled off to bed.

Two A Day - Count Down to Saturday

2011-08-18T23:50:00.000-07:00

One for the Money...

So, today was the first day of one Seroquel in the morning, and one at night. I was surprised the Spane did not get tired in the morning.

We live near the Maple Park Community Center, and Spane wanted to go with the kids next door, but he needed permission from me. Amber came by to get some oil she needed to make the cake, and I was in the middle of making the marzipan figurines.

John Comes By

John came over this afternoon to pick up Spane because I have something to do with Josef Rotter tomorrow, Friday. Spane is going to spend the night at John's and come back tomorrow. Because I did some computer work for John, he is going to take Spane to a show place near him and get Spane shoes for school and the rest of the summer. Spane's sandals that we bought a little over a month ago are trashed!

Here Comes Daddy!

So, while I am talking with John, the phone rings and it is Douglas, and he wants to know if it's okay if he comes over, and I say yes. Spane is really happy about this because he had not seen his father for a few months. John is a little worried because he is going to be taking Spane away, and fears how Douglas will react.

Douglas reacted just fine. He came with Pauly, and Pauly sat on the couch and petted Rolo. Douglas and Spane went outside and played for a while, then it was time for Douglas to go, maybe an hour.

Douglas promised he could come by on Saturday for Noelle's birthday party, and he and Pauly left.

Spane Goes

I gave John Spane's medication and told him that Spane needed to have one Seroquel that night, and one in the morning. I also gave him a 300mg Ibuprofen for pain. Spane had his back pack packed up with jeans and a pajama bottom.

Spane and John left in time to get the next bus, and I went over to Amber's house to give her the marzipan ladies, and got a lesson in fondant. Her kids were over at another friends' house as well, so we had a very nice time.

Wow! A Math Genius!

2011-08-17T11:47:00.000-07:00

Dad Confirms

Douglas called me at 6:58 this morning. He called to tell me he had realized that he has been having headaches all his life, and that he just got used to them. He also said he doesn't think he is schizophrenic, and I agree. I lived with a schizophrenic to two years, Nana Marissa, and Douglas isn't anything like that. He's like Spane.

So, Douglas is coming over today. That should be interesting. Maria doesn't like him, and at one point had threatened to call the police on him for elder abuse. I never got why she thought he was abusing her - he didn't yell at her, hit her, insult her - all he was was kind and respectful. I think something is wrong with Maria - that she may be ill, but that's a whole other story.

Our Son is a Math Wiz

In the mail this morning was Spane's STAR Student Report. This is the California Standardized Testing and Reporting program that measures a child's progress in meeting the state's academic content standards, which describes what all students should know and be able to do at each grade level.

Spane got a 453 in Mathematics, and placed in the Advanced level. The highest possible score is 600. This is how he scored:

Mathematics
Content	Spane	Other Kids
Place Value, Addition and Subtraction	93%	75% - 90%
Multiplication, Division, and Fractions	91%	75% - 90%
Algebra and Functions	100%	70% - 85%
Measurement and Geometry	93%	80% - 90%
Statistics, Data Analysis, and Probability	86%	75% - 85%

Not So Good in Reading

I wonder if reading takes more concentration than math. I imagine it must, because Spane did not do so well on English Language Arts. He still tested as Proficient, so I am happy about that.

English Language Arts
Content Area	Spane	Other Kids
Word Analysis and Vocabulary Development	73%	75% - 85%
Reading Comprehension	67%	70% - 80%
Literary Response and Analysis	83%	80% - 85%
Writting Conventions	79%	75% - 85%
Writing Strategies	63%	70% - 80%

See the questions Spane had to answer.

Daddy's Home

2011-08-16T23:01:00.000-07:00

Douglas is Out

Douglas, Spane's biological father, has been in and out of jail as long as I have known him. He's not a violent criminal, he's an alcoholic, drug abuser, who gets manic at dusk, and can then get violent. This time, he got 3 months for something really stupid - and it seems that he had the bad luck of being stopped by an officer who was training a recruit, and it had to look really good.

I had asked his friend, Pauly, not to say anything to him about Spane's condition until I talked to him. Apparently, he did not as Douglas at first said that I was making a big deal out of nothing. Then I started telling him what was really going on, he listened, and was then amazed.

I told Douglas about the headaches, the hearing of voices, seeing 42 people with Bully written on them, nightmares, stomach pains, the manic at night. I told him it was a very serious matter, and that Spane was taking Seroquel prescribed by his new psychiatrist.

I reminded Douglas that when I had first met him he had had really bad headaches, that started right around sunset, and that was also around the time when he would get manic. When he was actually in a prison he was diagnosed as schizophrenic, and given medication to help it. He told me he had been changed to several medications, but none of them seem to be working right.

Is Dad Like This, Too?

The symptoms that Douglas has just seem so similar to Spane's, and when Douglas called me later, just at sunset to tell me he had a huge headache, I was not surprised. I am quite sure that if Douglas were to get tested for Dandy Walker, he would pass with flying colors. I'm glad that Spane was diagnosed when he was - maybe there is hope for both of them.

So What Have I Learned Today?

My theory about Spane getting nasty with me because he was suffering from a headache had turned out to be true. Shortly after talking to Douglas, I asked Spane if he would like a pain medication, and sheepishly said yes. That was about 6:30 p.m, and I gave him his voices medicine , Seroquel, at about 8 p.m.

Spane wanted to play Monopoly, so I asked him to clean up the toys in the living room, and clean off the dining room table while I washed the dishes. He was very accommodating, and in fact took extra care to actually wash the table.

Spane likes to be the banker, and he likes everything in its place. He's a good little banker, even when the Seroquel is making him a little sleepy. I told him we would play until 10:00 p.m., and then I wanted him to take a bath and go to bed. He said that was fine, as long as we could keep the game on the table and start off the next day.

Well, that was going along just fine until Rolo came back from her nightly constitutional, and jumped on the table so we couldn't play our game. The picture at left was taken in 2010 on another day when Rolo didn't want us to play.

Spane took his shower, and when he came out, he didn't seem to be too sleepy, so I told him he could watch TV for fifteen minutes, but he had to pick up whatever toys he had on the floor. He didn't want to do that. He brought me a little piece of paper at 11:00 p.m. that had the word pain on it. I gave him a pain pill, and told him he needed to lay down and get some sleep. This was starting to get into an argument, and I reminded him that he could lose going to Noelle's party on Saturday if he did not comply. Then I said he could take a book or watch a tape to help go to sleep.

Finally, he was asleep at 1:00. I went to bed at 1:30 and fell right to sleep.

So, the moral of the story is for me - check for a headache first, then give medication, and wait until the pain subsides before allowing my child to push any of my buttons.