Adventures with Spane Beeper

Spane Goes to the Hospital

2012-12-07T19:52:00.000-08:00

Monday and Tuesday were a whirl of activity, trying to get accepted into shelter and finding money to keep us afloat. Wednesday, we saw Spane's therapist, and she was concerned about what had happened that Sunday. She said that if Spane ever said anything like that again, that I was to immediately call 911.

As it happened, after seeing Clara, and getting ready for bed, Spane said that he didn't want to go to school the next day, for whatever reasons he may have had. It started into a fight. Spane finally said the magic words "I would kill you, but there isn't anything here to kill you with." I did indeed call 911.

When the police arrived, they were very nice to Spane, and said they would take him to Glendale Adventist. They had handcuffed him, but put his jacket over so they could not be seen. We both got into the back of the police car.and they took us to the hospital.

That hospital doens't have a children's mental health ward, so we waited for two days for a bed at another hospital. There was a guard at the door to keep Spane from coming out of the room. Spane was interviewed by the hospital's on call psychiatrist, and he had some interesting observations.

Specifically, he asked Spane if he was angry at bullies, and Spane said yes. He asked Spane if he wanted to hit the bullies, but if he were afraid. Spane said he was afraid, and then I realized that Spane was hitting me because he knew that it was safe to hit me instead.

I wanted to hit myself on the head! Bullies! Jesus, why had I not seen this way back in June of 2011 when Spane told me about the 42 original bullies in his head. I could have kicked myself for being so stupid!

They were very nice to us at the hospital, fed us, brought in a bed for me, and even gave Spane a penguin puzzle. We watched a lot of television, and played word games to keep ourselves occupied.

Finally, Friday night, Loma Linda called and said they had a bed. Glendale put my son in an ambulance and sent him away. I went back to the hotel.

Saturday before First Advent Sunday

2012-12-02T19:50:00.000-08:00

For those of you who follow The Good Plate, you know that Advent and the Christmas season is important to us. This year, we used our original Advent Wreath, and I posted the information on The Good Plate.

I was excited to go the First Advent Sunday services, and came back from a board meeting at Alexandria's Archives, having discussed plans for the non-profit's new web site I am developing. Margaret Westlake, the founder, is a wonderful woman, and I really appreciate her. I left her home too late to get the regular Glendale bus, so I took the Metro bus, and got back to Brand in time for Saturday confessions. I knew it was important for me to go to confession so I could have Communion on Sunday. Because of that I got home later than I had planned.

Spane was upset that I came home late. He was even more upset when I told him that I had work to do, and that he couldn't get on my computer right away. He was even more upset about that. I told him that we were going to church in the morning, and he seemed a little happy about that.

Finally, amidst Spane complaining about not being able to get on the computer, Stevie told Spane he could use the kid's computer in the house. Not 20 minutes into, Spane came back angrily telling me that he was told to get off the computer and go to bed.

I have to admit, I was a little peeved myself, and went to check this out. Spane had indeed been told to go to bed, and then one of the other children said that Spane was a cry baby. He heard this, and really went off. I knew I was in for a bad night.

To get to the point, with Spane hitting me forcibly with pillow after pillow, at one point, I was so tired I said I gave up. The next thing I knew, Spane had a knife in his hand and he was brandishing it at me. He kept on saying that either he was going to kill me, or he was going to kill himself. I finally got it away from him, and Amber finally got him to go to bed at 5:30 am. We never made it to Mass, but Amber did tell me that we had to leave.

Amber wanted to know why I hadn't asked her to take Spane to the hospital, as he was obviously a danger to himself and others. I just said I was powerless. I felt powerless, unable to really do anything. It was the worst time in my life.

Luckily, I contacted my friend at Alexandria's Archives, and she was able to get me a motel for the week, and a recommendation to a good shelter. We moved out the First Sunday of Advent.

Book Fair is the Fairest

2012-11-30T21:24:00.000-08:00

That week of Book Fair was really a lot of fun. Even though I was dead tired that Monday morning, November 26, 2012, I still had a good time helping the children pick out books, and organized the holds section where children could hold a book for 1 day so they could get money from their parents, or have their parents come in with them.

Friday, Amber and I cleaned up and got all the Book Fair stuff packed up so Scholastic could pick it up Monday morning.

Spane had asked for a book, Darth Paper Strikes Back, a funny little book on Origami.

Wait, Origami Yoda will have more to say as this story continues.

The Mine of Minecraft

2012-11-25T21:02:00.000-08:00

So, Spane really wants Minecraft. Before I bought it, however, I wanted him to try out the demo to see if it was worth buying.

Spane gets angry very easily. Spane doesn't go to sleep very well either. Over the summer, I just gave up on trying to get him to sleep on time. Finally, after 2am, I was too tired and went to sleep without him. When I got up in the morning, he was asleep on the couch. This went on like this until I woke up one morning, and he was still awake. Finally, his clock turned fully around and he was able to go to sleep at 9pm, and then the neighborhood possum snuck into the bedroom and woke him up.

Okay, I know, a possum. There was a juvenile possum in the neighborhood that had taken to coming in through the back kitchen door and eating Rolo's dry food. He was very nice and neat about it, never left any food on the floor. One day, he came in and laid down on Rolo, who was laying down on Spane. We called the possum Possie, and he was just a baby, so we kind of took him in.

Anyway, this thing with Spane and not sleeping, I told him when school started that I was still going to wake him up at 7am, even if he fell asleep at 6am. I thought I could retrain his body clock. I was wrong.

So, this Sunday night, he was all excited about Minecraft, and he was trying to figure out the demo game. He kept on falling in the water, and getting frustrated and ANGRY. There was really no talking to him, and he wouldn't let me go to sleep like he usually did. What was really bad was the next day, I had to be at Book Fair at his school, early to set up since Amber and I had no had a chance to do anything that Friday.

His method of not letting me sleep reminded me of what it done to torture prisoners - let them sleep for a few minutes, then wake them up. That is what he was doing, and it was the same thing that his father used to do. It made me get into defensive mode, instead of control mode. I lost, badly.

Happy Birthday, Spane!

2012-11-21T11:54:00.000-08:00

Spane's birthday is the day before Thanksgiving this year, just as it was for his third birthday. We're going over to a friend in Santa Monica for his birthday, were he will be able to play with his long time friend.

Spane said he wanted a red velvet cake for his birthday. I said I would make him a real Red Velvet cake, as those others just don't taste right. The Red Velvet Cake recipe was perfect, and everyone enjoyed it.

Spane learned about a new computer game, Minecraft, that he really wants. I'll have to check it out and see if it's really appropriate.

Zero Tolerance for Bullying

2012-11-13T11:51:00.000-08:00

Spane has been really acting up. At first I thought it was because we had lost our home, and were living with friends. Then I took him to the park so we could talk privately.

Apparently, despite a policy prohibiting such things, Spane has been a victim of bullying. He said that kids were calling him dumb, stupid, and other degrading names. I asked him when this was happening and he said mostly at lunch. He told me he was spending his recess in the bathroom because he wanted to be left alone.

I felt horrible. I promised that I would let the school know right away, and that very night, I wrote a letter to the principal.

The next day was Student Store, and I spoke with both the Principal and his teacher. By that time, he had been in conference with both, and had named names. His teacher was just aghast that such a thing was happening in his classroom, and he made sure those children were told not to do or say these things again. His school has a Zero Tolerance on Bullying, but I still think there are some things that can be done.

We'll see how it goes. The bullying was affecting his grades, homework and reading. He started liking to read, but then felt too pressured to enjoy it. Maybe this will help. I hope so, because I love to read, and hope he will, too.

Back with Our Friends

2012-09-03T11:39:00.000-07:00

In the horrible heat of the summer, we moved all of our stuff into storage, and came back to live with Amber. Spane seems happy, as there is someone to play with, and Rolo is happy, too.

Speaking of Rolo, it was so hot this summer that she lost all her undercoat. Surprise, she is a HE. With no undercoat, his little testicles were showing. I'm sure Rolo is happy to finally be acknowledged as a male, even though he is still wearing the pink collar with the rhinestone encrusted, heart shaped identity tag. Good cat!

The only thing we have to worry about is making too much noise. We don't want to disturb the neighbors. Spane is having a little trouble with that, but we'll see how things progress.

Maria Moves Out

2012-08-01T14:16:00.000-07:00

Our roommate, Maria, moved out. Now, I have the responsibility for all the rent and utilities. I don't think I'm going to be able to do it. Spane is really no better than he was, and it's very hard trying to get work, work on projects, and still have to deal with Spane. I'm pretty desperate.

No Dandy Walker!

2012-05-15T14:11:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday, I got a call from Children's Hospital saying that Spane did not have Dandy Walker according to the MRI that was done. The doctor could not explain the headaches or any other symptoms and I felt alone and helpless.

Afraid to Go to Bed

2012-02-03T14:24:00.000-08:00

Spane told me last night that he was afraid to go to bed. That's why we had such a bad time yesterday.

We had a good discussion this morning of how the voices work. It's been a while since they've been around - they were suppressed by the Seroquel. I thought I should ask him in the morning before the "beaties" come out.

Spane said that the voices are very loud, and often scream at him. He said that the ONLY time they come is when he has a headache, which usually starts around dusk.

That means to me, if we can keep the headaches away, we can keep the voices away. So, I told Spane to let me know if there is even a HINT of a headache coming, I'll give him some pain medication, and hopefully the beasties won't even get a chance to come!

Back to Days of Atonement

2012-02-02T16:57:00.000-08:00

Well, my idea that Spane would be okay without the Benedril was really, really wrong. What happened last night brought me right back to where we were in September of 2010 [read document]

Spane didn't feel good, probably because he's gotten the same cold that's been going around our group of friends. I thought he would probably go to bed early because of it.

At 8:30 pm Wednesday night, I asked Spane if he would like to play Mille Borne with me, and he said yes. I figured a short game, and then he would go to bed. We played, he lost.

There was a really good show on Nova, and Spane asked if he could stay up and watch it. I said if he was quiet, and sat on the sofa with me, and promised to go to bed at 10:00 pm, he could.

Of course, at 10:00 pm, he wanted to stay up more. He came up with every excuse in the book, he wasn't tired, he was hungry, and I just kept telling him to go to bed. Finally, I tried to give him some pain reliever thinking he had a headache.

He was resistant, so in trying to hold his mouth open, I mistakenly pulled his hair. He opened his mouth, I put the aspirin in, he spit it out and ran off to the kitchen.

I apologized, offered him more medicine, and then put a bag of frozen vegetables on his head. He wanted to lay on the sofa. I wanted him to go to bed. Finally, I relented and let him lay on the sofa with the bag on his head. I got him to take the aspirin. When he felt better, I told him to go to bed. He refused. He said it wasn't fair that he had to go to bed when I got to stay up as long as I wanted to.

I tried to explain to him that everyone needs a little wind down time before they go to bed, and that was what I wanted to do, and would join him soon. He wanted to sleep in the living room, I didn't want him to because I needed my wind down time, and I can't do that with him talking to me.

To appease him, I said I would go to bed with him right then, and I put on my pajamas and got a book to read. Of course, that was also a battle because he complained about the light. By this time, I was getting a little tired myself, so I got up and turned off the light.

Shades of last summer! Spane insisted on covering me with pillows and stuffed animals, laughing all the time. It was maniacal laugher. It was scaring me, and I felt powerless. He wasn't even getting any less hyper, in fact, it was increasing. Finally, I turned over and started tickling him. Then, when he couldn't take it anymore, he jumped up and went into the bathroom.

I got up, fixed the blankets, and laid down again. Spane came in, grabbed all the blankets and went back into the bathroom, saying he was going to sleep in there. I said fine, and shut my eyes.

A few minutes later, he came back with a blanket and covered me. He was crying. He was saying that he was a really bad child, and that he didn't deserve to have a blanket. I tried to comfort him, but he would not take a blanket, even though he said he was freezing. Then he said he didn't even deserve a bed, and left saying he was going to sleep on the floor in the living room.

That scared me to no end. He sounded so despondent I was afraid he might try to hurt himself.

I got up and followed him, reached down to him on the floor, and told him the everyone has bad days, and he just had a bad day. I told him he was a great kid, that I loved him very much. He still insisted that he was bad. I asked him to sit with me on the sofa, and when he did, I hugged him and kissed him, and tried to bring his spirits back.

By this time, it was 12:30 in the morning. He wasn't sleepy at all, and I was out of ideas. Then I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie, so we got Kung Fu Panda 2 on demand and watched that. We split a baloney sandwich, too.

I thought that he would fall asleep watching the movie, but it was me who found myself nodding towards the end. When it was over, I said I was going to bed. He didn't seem to be in any danger, so I thought it was okay to do that.

He got in bed with me, and hugged me, still not wanting a blanket. Then he told me that he didn't have any friends. He just sounded so sad. Finally, about 3:30 am, I heard him snoring.

He's home today because he really didn't feel good this morning at 8:30 when I tried to wake him up. He got up at 11:00 this morning, and looked sick. He's watching TV.

I'm going to the pharmacy and getting him some Benedril.

Two for One

2012-01-31T20:00:00.000-08:00

We went to see Dr. Red today and Clara together so we could go over a treatment plan for Spane. Dr. Red again emphasized that Seroquel was not a good choice, and gave me a prescription for Benedril instead.

I thought we already had some in the medicine cabinet, so I didn't fill the prescription. Spane went to bed around 11pm, which wasn't so bad. I don't think it's going to be that bad.

I hate the idea of having Spane on Benedril again, like he was before he was diagnosed with Dandy Walker. I'm going to see just how bad it gets and decide from there. So far, so good.

Following the Schedule

2012-01-30T22:25:00.000-08:00

That computer is WONDERFUL. I told Spane that I had put a timer on the computer so it would shut off at 9 pm, and he was fine with it. When the computer shut itself off, he got up, kissed me, and went to bed!

A Three Hour Tour...

2012-01-29T15:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Spane and I took the train to Santa Clarita to help Theresa install her printer to her new computer, and install some virus software. It should have taken about three hours, maximum.

When we got there, I asked Theresa if she had heard anything from Douglas, and she said that, of course, Douglas had accused me of trying to keep Spane from seeing him. What a jerk! He refuses to even think that he might have hurt Spane so much when he threatened him with foster care. Like everything else, he refuses to take any responsibility.

Well, let me tell you a little bit about Hewlett Packard. They sell cheap printers that work just fine until you decide to upgrade your operating system. Then, when you try to install your old printer, you are informed that you have to roll back your operating system to one that the printer will accept. They do not make drivers for the new operating system. You have no choice but to go out and get a new printer. No other printer manufacturer does this - every other manufacturer has patches you can download to make the drivers acceptable.

Of course, Theresa had an older printer that was not compatible. We went on-line and looked for other printers that were in her price range that did not have that practice, and found a really nice wireless all-in-one printer from Epson. It's a great printer, I highly recommend the Epson Workforce printer.

They also have their Internet through AT&T, which means that they have a proprietary combination modem and router. If you change anything on it, like its CSID, it will stop broadcasting. It took a technician from AT&T and I almost an hour to figure that out. Not a fun thing to do.

We didn't get home until almost 12:30 this morning. I'm tired, my back hurts from sitting on the floor for two hours, and I'm not doing anything today.

Thank God for Spane. He's such a good boy, he cleaned the bathroom with bleach and cleaned up the living room, too. I love my son!

Las Vegas for Kids

2012-01-27T21:30:00.000-08:00

Spane's school had a fund raising event at Chucky Cheeses. Amber and her kids were going to go, but Noelle had to go to Social Skills in Burbank today, so we went with Amber and Noelle. Spane brought his homework with him.

When we got there, Noelle asked Spane if he wanted to go to group with her, and he said yes. The counselor said that would be fine, so he went.

While Spane and Noelle were in session, Amber worked on making her family a daily schedule. She went through several sheets of paper, but she finally had it. I use Lotus Organizer, and have had a schedule for quite a while, although we don't always stick to it. Doing the schedule with Amber was really helpful to me.

Going with Noelle was really helpful for Spane, too. He was beaming when he came out. I'm going to look into this for him as well.

Then we went to Chucky Cheeses for the fund raiser, which had started at 3 pm, and was going on til 9 pm. We got there around 7pm, and the place was packed. There was only one girl at the counter, with 30 people in line, and an hour wait for pizza. We decided to get drinks only, and feed the kids after.

When we got home about 9:30, Spane was tired and happy. He happily went to bed, without even looking at the computer. Yes!

Hello Kitty!

2012-01-26T21:00:00.000-08:00

Spane and I took the first bus after school to get to his 4 pm appointment with his therapist. As luck would have it, we arrived about 15 minutes early, and I suggested we go to the Good Will store across the street to kill that little bit of time.

I found a couple of books to read, and as I was checking out, across the counter one of the clerks had put a laptop on the counter. It was a Hello Kitty laptop with Hello Kitty all over it. It looked horrible, but I went and looked at it anyway.

The clerk said the only thing wrong with it was that it would not hold a charge, but I could get a battery on Amazon very inexpensively. Since I had not gotten Spane a great Christmas present, and we did not go to Nevada for the Caucuses as I had hoped for his birthday, I told him the computer was both his birthday and Christmas present. He was thrilled.

When we got to the therapist, I was sitting there talking to her, and fiddling with the top, when I discovered that the Hello Kitty was only contact paper! I just peeled it off, and now Spane has a spiffy looking Compaq notebook computer!

Of course, that means some parental choices are going to have to be made. It's a WinXP Home edition, so it can't use Family Safety. I had to find another way around that, and posted the solution to it at winxp-home-how-parents-can-set-up-time-restrictions. It's a wonderful thing, and a wonderful parenting tool.

Back to Two

2012-01-25T19:00:00.000-08:00

Douglas called last night and said that he and Pauly were going to be in Glendale, and he wanted to see Spane. As I was on my way to pick Spane up, Douglas called me on my cell and said that he was at a restaurant, and that he would pay for a cab for Spane and I to meet him. I told him I would ask Spane how he felt about it. I'm amazed that he hasn't gotten the faintest clue that he hurt his child so much when he threatened Spane with foster care.

When I picked up Spane, I did ask him how he felt about it, and he said, "Mommy, I don't want to see Douglas. Not after he wanted to know how big of a tent I want. I never want to see him again."

I told him he needed to tell his father that himself, because I didn't want Douglas to think that I was refusing to let Spane see him. I don't want Douglas to have anything he could possibly use against me in court.

We went to the park, and waited for Amber or Stevie to come by. I wanted a credible witness when Spane called his father, and also someone who Spane trusted. I handed the phone to Spane, and Stevie said to Spane, "Listen just tell him you have homework or something". A second later, Spane said at the top of his lungs "DON'T COME HERE. I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!", and he hung up the phone. He said he had gotten voice mail.

As Spane and I sat eating dinner, Spane said to me, "Mommy, just one Seroquel isn't working for me. Please, can I have two?"

Tonight, I called and left a message with Spane's therapist that I was giving him two Seroquels. Well, at least it's not three the way it used to be.

Glendale's Finest

2012-01-24T23:21:00.000-08:00

John was supposed to come over on Monday, but it rained so he did not. He decided to come by on Tuesday instead. He was coming to see Spane and make some meals for himself. His kitchen is tiny, and my kitchen has a big table that is perfect for preparing lots of different foods. I use it when I'm making Chicken Croquetas or Roll Out Cookies.

John was there when Spane came home and Spane was excited to see him. When I say excited, I mean excited. Homework is supposed to be done after school, after getting a snack. I asked Spane if he had started his homework, and he said his homework was in Heaven, as he ran around the house. I told him he needed to start his homework, and he said that he had left the homework at school.

This has happened a few times, so I really had no reason to think this time was different. I opened his backpack, just to check, found something that looked like it might be homework and asked him about it. He said it was something else entirely, and that he had definitely left the homework as school. I said okay, then that's that.

Since it was a Tuesday, Spane gets to stay up a little later because he doesn't have to be to school until 9:00 on Wednesdays. At 9:30, I reminded him that he needed to get into his pajamas so he would be ready for bed on time.

He flatly refused. I insisted. At some point in this argument, Spane started hitting me, and just got completely out of control. I threatened to call the police, he said fine, very defiantly, and so I did.

Of course, he was frightened when he realized I had actually done it. He knows that the police can take him into foster care if they think I am an unfit mother. Not being able to get my child into bed could conceivably be grounds for that - but I was desperate.

When the police came, Spane was still not in his pajamas, and was standing on the stoop with a bit of attitude. The police asked what was going on, I told them about the Dandy Walker syndrome, that Spane would not go to bed, and that he was getting violent. They had a nice talk with him, and basically told him that it was not their job to come out and get him to bed, and that I was his mother, and he needed to do what I told him to do.

I finally got him to go to bed, but I was thinking that only one Seroquel was not doing its job. It seemed we were going backward instead of forward.

Seeing Red

2012-01-20T22:34:00.000-08:00

Spane's psychiatrist is Anita Red. She's a wonderful doctor, and very concerned about Spane. When I left a message with Spane's therapist, Clara, that the voices were back despite the Seroquel, Dr. Red called me and said to bring Spane in.

Her first concern was for the Seroquel itself, since it really isn't a good drug. It leads to obesity, diabetes and other nasty things. At the time, the blood work that Spane's pediatrician had done was still not in Dr. Red's hands. I called his pediatrician's office and asked them to fax his medical records over. I am amazed at how many information releases I have signed, for both doctors, for CHLA, for the SSI attorney, even for the school!

Because of the Seroquel issue, Dr. Red said that she wanted to reduce it down to one a day. Then she said she wanted us to come back in two weeks to see how it went.

They're Baaaack

2012-01-17T21:26:00.000-08:00

Saturday, when John came over, Spane was acting very strangely, and most uncooperatively. I looked at his eyes, and they seemed to be rolling around in his head. I asked him if he were hearing voices, and he said "Yes, Mommy".

This morning, when I asked him if his headaches were getting worse, he said yes they were.

So, this afternoon, I took him to his pediatrician. The good thing is, there are only 10 voices, not the usual 50. His pediatrician hasn't gotten the results back from the MRI Spane had on the 27th of December, and she also wants to talk to his psychiatrist to determine next steps, if any.

Ungracious Host

2011-12-17T16:00:00.000-08:00

I haven't been writing here for a while, because everything has been going pretty smoothly up to this point.

Spane has a friend, Leo, that he likes very much. Leo and he are the same age. He also has a friend named Mateo, that he also likes. Mateo is also an only child, and is a year younger than Spane. So, I thought it would be nice if we could have a Kid's Christmas party, and Spane invited Leo and Mateo and Noelle. He also invited David G. and his sister, Helen, but they couldn't make it.

When Mateo's mother dropped him off, she warned him that he had to do everything I said, and that he had to be a good boy. I wondered at the time why she would say something like that because Mateo is such a sweet boy.

Everything was going just fine until Mateo took Spane's Lego helicopter and started playing with it, without asking Spane's permission first. Spane got very upset. I told him he was not being a nice host, and then I got all the kids together, and told Mateo that we really liked him, but could he please ask before he used something. Mateo apologized but, Spane would not accept the apology. Mateo kept playing with the Lego helicopter.

He actually managed to scare both Leo and Mateo with screaming and accusing. Poor Mateo had to hide in the bathroom. Both Noelle and Zeik tried to reason with him, but to no avail.

Finally, John arrived and I thought maybe things would get better. Instead they got worse. He started hitting John, and kicking me. Finally, while Amber took hold of his feet, John took hold of his arms and tried to calm him down. I went inside to tell Mateo that I was going to call his mother to pick him up - but that it was not his fault.

Leo's mother arrived and took Leo home. I don't think that Leo will ever be coming over here again. Spane was so horrible. If I were Leo's mother, I would not let my child come around Spane at all - and I told Spane that.

After everyone but John left, he kept on going on about how bad a parent I am and how he wants new parents. He slammed the bathroom door repeatedly. At one point I asked him how he would feel if he had a parent that beat him all the time, was drunk all the time, and yelled at him all the time, that left him alone, didn't feed him much. He said that even though I wasn't any of those things, I might as well be because I was such a bad parent. The last thing he said to me was that my Christmas present sucked. John asked me what I was getting him for Christmas and I said, "Not a damned thing."

I mean it, too. I'll put things under the tree from Santa, but there will be nothing from Mommy.

I'm sitting here typing this. He's playing with John, still not quite right, still angry, but much calmer than earlier. He has not apologized, or even acknowledged that he hurt me. I'm very, very hurt. I know I'm a good parent, and I know he loves me very much, and I know he thinks that I am a good mother. But, what he said has hurt me to the quick. I'm done.

A while later, Amber called me and asked if I still wanted to make the roll-out cookies. I asked Spane if he wanted to, and he said, yes he did. Then I told him that he needed to say he was sorry to a whole bunch of people. I made him get on the phone and personally apologize to Mateo and Amber. Then he apologized to me, and John.

Amber came back with Noelle and Mateo. Spane and Mateo started at it again, and John told them both to stop. Mateo wanted to spend the night at Amber's, and Spane wanted to as well. The deal was that Spane and Mateo had to be nice to each other or Spane would have to stay home.

At one point, Amber took me aside and told me that she was watching Mateo push Spane's buttons. I felt really bad, because all this time, I thought it was Spane being a bad host. Now I know why Mateo's mother said what she said. Apparently, Mateo gets attention by pushing buttons - that's not a good thing. I feel terrible now, because Spane kept on saying that no one believed him. I really was being a bad parent because I wasn't listening to my child enough.

I want to discuss this with Spane's therapist on Wednesday. I want to see if there might be some kind of social skills or anger management class Spane could go to. If he had been able to tell us what was really wrong, maybe some of this could have been avoided. The other thing Spane needs to learn is how to deal with button pushers. Hey, I'd take that class, too. I've got very sensitive buttons myself.

The Douglas is a Dick Show

2011-12-11T21:00:00.000-08:00

For those of you who have been following the Douglas is a Dick show, he called me tonight and bragged that he had just come back from Nevada, where he won a bunch of money, but he went shopping and spent it all. I just kept saying "that's nice", "that's nice".

Douglas is a Dick

2011-12-10T19:30:00.000-08:00

Douglas is being a real dick. He's trying to scare me by saying that he's going to put Spane into foster care. That's his solution to not having to pay child support. Well, at least Spane has now seen what a true prick his father is. I think my next step might be a restraining order. That'll fix him!

Dinner with Douglas

2011-12-04T20:30:00.000-08:00

Douglas told me that he would match me half way if I could come up with half of the money for the power bill. Yesterday, I just paid it. Of course, now I have no rent money.

Douglas called and said that he and Pauly wanted to take Spane to dinner at Elaina's. I found it interesting that he didn't bother to ask me how he could be talking to me on the phone, considering my phone requires an Internet connection.

When we got to Elaina's Douglas finally asked me about the electricity situation. I think he figured that if I had turned it on, he wouldn't have to give me any money. He said that since I had already paid it, he had no intention of giving me any money at all. Then he said he was happy that we would get evicted.

Spane started looking upset, and I tried to reassure him. I told him that even if we had to more, it would still be okay, he'd probably go to a new school, and make new friends. I was trying to put a positive drape over a potential disaster.

Spane got more upset, and went under the table. That's what children so when they want to get away from unpleasant situations. Pauly and Douglas kept telling him to sit back at the table, and said to leave Spane alone and let him deal with his emotions in his own way. Finally, when Pauly threatened to leave, Spane got up and sat down.

When the food came, even though Spane was hungry, he picked at his food. He loves Elaina's chicken kabob, and he was just picking at it. I could tell that he was upset, and then Douglas looks at him and asks:

"So what size tent do you want? You're going to be homeless. I'm going to make sure you are taken away from your mother and put into foster care."

That sent Spane over the edge. I don't blame him, it sent me over the edge, too. I took Spane's hand and told Pauly and Douglas that I was going to take him outside because he wasn't behaving right.

Of course, when we got outside, I hugged Spane and said he didn't do anything wrong, that I just had needed an excuse to get him out of there. Spane was beside himself, crying and yelling that he hated his father, and never wanted to see him again. I was tempted to take Spane home, but I knew if I did that I would never see money from Douglas, and I needed it to pay rent.

They finally came out, we got in the car, and drove back to our house silently. When we got back to the house, Pauly whispered to me that Douglas had the money with him - I knew he did. I said to Douglas:

"I've known you for 12 years, and in all that time you have never reneged on a promise. You told me that you would meet me half way, are you now going to break your promise?"

Reluctantly, he handed me the money, then screamed that he would never see us again.

As Spane and I walked into the house, I said to myself, "On the contrary, you will be seeing me in court!"

Powerless

2011-11-29T12:51:00.000-08:00

I can't believe this happened. I forgot to pay the electric bill, and when I came home from dropping Spane off at school, the electricity was out. Not only that, I won't get any money until the 2nd of December. We're looking at four days of no power.

It's a good thing I have some kind of survivalist thinking. I put all the perishables in Amber's refrigerator, and I'll probably be spending at lot of time over there, trying to get funds together before the 2nd.

Of course, Douglas is being of no help. You know, if he had consistently given me some kind of child support, this wouldn't be happening. I realize he doesn't have a regular job, but then he calls me and says that he's just come back from Tahoe, and won all this money - or he just got through doing this big job, and has all this money. None of it finds its way into our house, except for the occasional ice cream for Spane. Well, it doesn't surprise me at all, after all this is the person who said that he was going to kill me and get Spane into foster care as soon as he was born.