Adventuresaurus Girl Dating Blog

No Drinking

2012-01-10T16:07:00.000-08:00

No more drinking on first dates. I hate drink dates. They are stupid. I need a clear head to fully evaluate the guy sitting across from me and drinking makes this impossible. I think guys know this, which is why they like drink dates. I haven't met many girls that aren't friendlier after they get a drink in.

I went out with this guy a couple of weeks ago for drinks. I thought he was hilarious. Then I saw him again sober...yeah, not that funny anymore.

Holiday Parties

2012-01-05T15:59:00.000-08:00

I am glad it is the end of the holiday party season. I have eaten too much, drank too much, and met too many people I never want to see again. I guess the last part isn't that true. I have been to some really cool parties and met interesting people. Unfortunately, not interesting people I would want to date.

Guy Update

2011-12-30T15:59:00.000-08:00

Valley Guy (this jackss) sent me an email wanting to know how I am doing. Well, I was mighty fine before I received that infuriating email. How dare that guy contact me???? I shouldn't let him pss me off, but come on!

Sucks To Be Her

2011-12-26T23:11:00.000-08:00

I was at a cocktail party. Knowing me, I was not in cocktail attire since I just worked a full day of work. I didn't even have on proper footwear unless athletic footwear is proper for a cocktail party. I was standing on the outskirts of the party activity. A guy approached me and started talking to me. He was tall, pretty cute, and gay? Apparently, I was wrong on the gay part (starting to see a trend here). His girlfriend walked up to us (I didn't know it was his girlfriend until later).

Girlfriend: Oh how do you two know each other
Me: Standing around in this very spot. How did you two meet?
Girlfriend doesn't say anything, ignores the question, gets on of her guy friends to talk to me and pulls the tall not gay guy away.
She starts making out with him (this is the part where I figure out he isn't gay).

Sucks to be her though to know her guy is standing around at parties making conversation with other girls. I wasn't even trying to steal her man, imagine if I was...great that i can do it regardless of the setting and my attire.

Entitlement

2011-12-20T13:35:00.000-08:00

There is too much entitlement out there in the dating world. I am sure I am one of those people, but I am at least conscious of it and trying to change my way of thinking. Yeah yeah, I am educated, easy to look at, fun, have a great sense of humor, yadda yadda yadda. However, I also have some not so positive traits and might not be the warmest person in the world.

I see these guys out there who think they are the sht and deserve to get the hottest supermodel in the world because they are rich, smart, handsome, have a nice apartment, went to Harvard, etc. They need to remember, this is SF, there are tons of rich, smart guys, with nice apartments and Harvard degrees. Notice how I left handsome out (it's in the eye of the beholder anyway). I have met some truly unfortunate looking guys who think they are handsome.

Back to the topic at hand, these entitled guys need to remember, they aren't perfect either, so learn when to stop chasing after perfection.

OkCupid %s

2011-12-14T12:11:00.000-08:00

After reading The New Yorker article, I think more highly of OkCupid. I never had a problem with the site, just the guys that were contacting me off of the site. There are hundreds of questions that users can answer. With all that data, I think the % could be quite helpful providing that there are enough answered questions to make the match % statistically significant. For example, if I answered 400 questions, but some guy answered 14, the match % could be garbage.

Is compatibility in the OkCupid sense really that important. For example, is how messy a guy is a good indicator of how he would be as a husband and how that would factor in with my messiness/not so messiness?

Too many things to think about.

What Is Really Important?

2011-12-07T08:45:00.000-08:00

There seem to be a couple of different schools of thought on this whole relationship thing.

Compatibility is the most important, for example, waking up around the same time in the morning, thoughts on noise/quiet, etc; I still think this is important
Shared interests is important (I tend to think shared interests are an indicator of compatibility); not sure I agree with this at all. I could be compatible with someone very into video games even though I couldn't play one to save my life. Guys like to "do things" with their gals like run, sail, bike, etc...I don't see why guys can't have their own "thing." Yeah, go for that run at 6am, I'll be doing what I like to do...sleep
Shared values, such as, family, religion, money management, etc; I am starting to think this is probably the most important

Good Enough

2011-12-01T11:52:00.000-08:00

I read this article a while ago and recently read Lori Gottlieb's book called "Marry Him." I'll let you read the article yourself, though I may have talked about it in an earlier post; I just can't remember.

So, in this book, "Marry Him," she talks about a lot of things, but some points stuck out.

The less information you have on your online dating profile, the better because people build fantasies and have expectations based on what they read
Don't find reasons to rule guys out online, find reasons to go out with them because you never know if you don't give them a shot (I have been trying to do this, it hasn't been working)
Just because a guy is good to date, doesn't mean he is good to marry
Find the guy that wants to be married and have the "boring life;" I see nothing wrong with a "boring life" (I kinda have one right now and it's great)
Stop chasing perfection and realize good enough is really quite good (one of my really good friends has said everyone settles and I have always agreed)

This is a lot to think about.

What To Do?

2011-11-27T10:45:00.000-08:00

I am torn; I have too many conflicting views on relationships. I figured out I am the avoidant type (big surprise), as in I don't like to feel trapped and usually keep my distance. However, I can also say this is because I haven't met the right guy?

I have also heard that people should throw "type" out the window. I've actually heard this from a lot of married people.

What to do?

Younger Guys

2011-11-15T14:40:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about going younger for a few months now. I think I should do it! I like that younger guys are more playful and don't really have wrinkles/deep creases. Goodfella thinks I should go younger because guys in their late 30s are usually set in their ways and very resistant to change. Totally superficial, but what about those years of sun damage causing serious wrinkles?

Back To Basics

2011-11-09T12:09:00.000-08:00

Okay, I am going to take this a step further. I will continue my two date rule, but I will ONLY date guys that I find attractive. Yes, brains are hot, personality is hot, sense of humor is hot, etc. However, I have dated all these guys and I didn't find them hot...at all. It doesn't matter how funny he is or how he can build complex financial models. At the end of the day, if I am not attracted to him, it is doomed.

This is what I am calling going back to basics. I think back to college and how I didn't care what he was studying, what he wanted to be when he grew up, etc. The only thing that mattered: do I think he is hot?

I know this could be difficult, but it shouldn't. I just need to stop knowing what school he went to, where he works, how big his house is, etc.

Two Date Rule

2011-11-01T09:06:00.000-07:00

I have a two date rule. I always go out with guys twice just to make sure I am not being too harsh. I think I should probably stop doing this because it has only gotten me into situations where I am left saying, "Ugh, why did I go out with him again?"

Still Don't Get It

2011-10-29T08:59:00.000-07:00

It's been months and I still don't get it. This Guy never reached out to me. Really?

That doesn't happen to me (I am just telling it like it is, not an ego thing, just 98% of the time thing)
He loves Asian girls (so, this is like a fat girl turning down cake)
He said he would reach out to me (he really didn't need to say this if he didn't mean it)

Yeah, it bugs me a little because I didn't hear from him. It shouldn't because we actually don't have much in common, probably don't have any chemistry, etc. Out of his four hobbies, I hated three of them. And I didn't like his voice. I can be stupid, so if I ever heard from him, I probably would go out with him just to make sure he is really not the one for me.

Good Idea

2011-10-25T20:47:00.000-07:00

I am not saying Patti from Millionaire Matchmaker is a genius, but I do think she has some very useful points. For example, she tells everyone that they need to have a list of five things that are must haves. Five is not very many.

A new one to my list...ability to be comfortable. Yes, this seems like common sense, but I find myself forgetting it a lot. For example, going out with The Brain. I was never comfortable with him and he turned out to have some serious insecurity/anger issues. I was actually pretty comfortable around the valley guy, maybe because I am also kind of a douchebag? Just a little...

Millionaire Matchmaker

2011-10-20T08:35:00.000-07:00

I know some of this Millionaire Matchmaker show is scripted, but I think it's really interesting. I think there are only a certain number of kinds of guys out there. This show has showcased many of them. For example, the perfectionist, the guy that chooses really dumb girls, etc.

I think guys and girls can learn something here.

Hockey Players

2011-10-13T08:32:00.000-07:00

If you knew me in college, you would know this...I heart hockey players. They are hot. Even if they have busted faces, they are hot. Maybe because they are solid muscle. Or maybe it's because they are really tough and know how to fight. Yeah, I want a guy that can defend me if I start a bar fight (also something I am totally capable of).

Talk Much?

2011-10-03T14:58:00.000-07:00

I think it's pretty funny that guys try to talk me into going out with them. Unfortunately for me, this works every now and then. What possess me to agree with such nonsense?

I think I am being a "good person" because I am giving them a chance. Who knows, maybe they will wow me with their conversational skills
I don't mind a free meal
I have nothing better to do

Analysis:
I think the answer might be choice #1.

Let's examine the other choices. #2, a free meal really isn't that hard to come by. Also, remember there is the opportunity cost of my time. Is a $40 meal worth 2 hours of my life that I can spend doing something else? Eh. #3, I do have better stuff to do. I could be sleeping, looking for jobs, watching tv, hanging out with friends, etc.

Have the guys who talked me into going out with them been successful? Not really. Yes, I went out with them and gave them a chance. I already wasn't into him all that much, so unless he really wowed me, he would only be digging himself a deeper grave.

Advice:
Guys, yes you might be so charming that a girl will fall head over heels for you across the table at dinner if she didn't even want to go out with you in the first place. However, it might be more likely that nothing will come of it unless she is desperate or really bored. You don't want that, right?

What Happened With That Valley Guy?

2011-09-27T08:06:00.000-07:00

Yes, back to the valley guy. This is hilarious. I am glad I can find humor in everything.

All sorts of things came out of this guy's mouth on the third date, such as:

How many dates is it going to take for us to hook up?
Why haven't you made a move on me yet?
Are you ever going to put on a sexy black dress for me or do you like dressing like a 17 year old boy?
How do you not think that is funny? You are stupid. I am just kidding (nope, didnt seem like it)
I thought I had you figured out, but I guess I don't (this has got to be the funniest. He only believes what I want him to believe because that's how I set it up. I didn't feel the need to let him know I was watching him like a hawk and keeping notes in my head; instead, I appeared to be somewhat ditsy)
I am really smart, much smarter than you (teally? See #5)
I don't believe you don't want me

He left the ball in my court last time I saw him. I really thought he knew he was cut. I think he knows now... He has only called once and driven by my apartment once. Yes, he really did drive by my place (how many times, I don't know, I only caught him once). How embarrassing is it for him that I caught him driving by my apartment because I was standing at the curb talking to a friend? LMAO. Yes, most girls would be scared of some guy driving by her place, but I was not; I am used to it, this kind of sht happens to me ALL the time.

I am sure he means well and no, I don't wish him harm. I think he is really immature and a mama's boy. He whined and threw tantrums. He even tried to use peer pressure, "Everyone is doing it."

NEXT!

Why Do I Do This

2011-09-20T19:51:00.000-07:00

Against my better judgement, I went out with the valley guy again (this guy). I didn't do it because I thought there was something there. I did it because he was so persistent and I became curious. He sent me several messages (unreturned messages because I just didn't reply). None of these messages were scary/stalkerish. They seemed nice and he seemed interested.

So, we went out a couple of more times. The first date was fine, he was funny. I didn't learn a single thing about him that I didn't already know; purely superficial conversation. The second date was dinner...at his place. I was under the impression that we were meeting up at his place and going from there. That's what he told me we would be doing. No real conversation, watched TV. The guy has a car and didn't even offer to drive me home. At this point I shouldn't have even agreed to a third date; I wasn't planning to. Then he called with a daytime activity that sounded fun. Third date was fun in the beginning and I wish I saw him in daylight earlier because this guy looks old. I wouldn't be surprised if he was in his early 40s and lied about his age. I knew on the third date that I would never see him again. I thought he understood this, I was wrong.

Pen Pal or Therapist

2011-09-14T14:34:00.000-07:00

What is with guys who want to exchange 100 emails, but never ask to meet up? I am not looking for a pen pal, nor do I have the time to write 100 emails.

Even worse, guys who keep wanting to talk to you on the phone. How does that help anyone? I don't want to be a therapist, I don't want to know about your day, I don't care what did over the weekend. Why? Because we have never met and I haven't even decided if I would consider you a friend. Sure, you can spend hours on the phone with someone and then meet them in person only to realize, there is no chemistry. That is the ultimate waste of time.

Guys that date online need to: stop trying to have a phone conversation and stop exchanging several emails without asking to meet in person.

I Am Alive

2011-09-01T19:47:00.000-07:00

I am alive, the stalker didn't get me. More later...

CNN Talks Online Dating

2011-08-24T21:15:00.000-07:00

Read this article today. Hilarious!

http://www.cnn.com/2011/TECH/social.media/08/24/online.dating.messages.netiquette/

While we are on the topic, let's talk about online dating. I have a stalker and might be crazy. Red flags include:

He wants to know where I went to school, where I am from, where I work, where I live, etc. With technology these days, it's a bit too easy to figure out my identity.
He has my number and always calls when he sees me online
He has sent me over 15 texts with me only replying to two (early on)
He texts me at hours I deem inappropriate to see where I am
Did I mention I have not seen him in person and don't plan on it either? Safety first kids

No Focus

2011-08-12T07:55:00.000-07:00

Okay, as much I talk about wanting to find "the one," I don't think I am focused. I a lot going on with work and my living situation right now. No more roommates for me.

I actually do believe people can do what they want to do when they are focused. I was focused on getting out of where I was living. Something happened which triggered me to KNOW I needed to move. Even in this ridiculous rental market, I found a new place in an area I want to live in with a huge walk in closet in a record eight days.

One day, I will wake up and just know I want to find the guy; sounds crazy, but I think that's when I will find him.

No Dice

2011-08-08T22:27:00.000-07:00

This doesn't happen to me often (if ever at all...sorry, don't mean to sound conceited, but I mean it)...he didn't call. The 30 something year old white guy didn't call. I was also there, it was a little awkward, but I do think it was okay enough to warrant a second go around. Either I am totally off or? I have heard that I am scary and always come off as disinterested. This is probably true. However, does that really drive a guy away if he is really into a girl?

Same Issues?

2011-07-28T22:04:00.000-07:00

I went to happy hour and feel like I meet these people all the time.

20/30 something gal with trouble in the dating world. Tonight's story was about really hitting it off with a friend of a friend (guy), only to have nothing come of it. She said they talked at the party all night together and she made it pretty clear she was interested. He never called, texted, emailed, etc. He never even responded to her social networking connection request. Mother fcker, seriously?!?! I just don't get it! The first part of the story really sounded like my Odie tale. Should I be happy or sad that other people have almost identical stories? She even said guys in SF want assertive women. Well, how about the guys in SF be men!?
Really flamboyant guy (could be gay), but all the ladies loved him. I then learned he is an absolute hit with the ladies; gets girls left and right. Wtf? Okay ladies, we know everyone likes a gay pal, but let's try not to date them.

This having the same issue thing is sad. We are all looking for the same thing, someone to spend forever with. How can this be so difficult, especially since we all have the same goal and are actively looking?? Have we been corrupted by Hollywood? Do we think we will "just know" when we meet that special someone? Are we being totally unrealistic in our searches? I know I am picky and a part of me wants to "just know," but I know that probably won't happen. I hope I am not the only one who knows this.