adventuresinthegreatwhitenorth

This happened and I stand by my actions.

2011-06-07T14:47:00.000-07:00

Last night my wife posted this on facebook;
Apparently I am a jinx to the Bruins. I have been asked to leave the living room because I knocked over Bobby. "Bobby" is a stuffed dog from Build-a-Bear dressed in a Bruins uniform. I am embarrassed for my husband.

Yes...Bobby is a bear who wears this Bruins gear...he is also extremely important to the team's success in the Stanley Cup. He's been on the couch for every one of the Bruins victories in the post season. I forgot to take him out for the first two games of the Stanley Cup and we all know what happened....my bad.

Bobby was back in action for game 3 and upright while the Bruins scored the first 4 goals. Then Leah came home from her jog, sat down and knocked him over. Luckily, I got him back up in time before the momentum was lost. Close call. I might have had to file for divorce if the Canucks turned things around....

Bobby is resting up today and will be ready for game 4 tomorrow night. Will Leah be invited to the living room to watch the game? Not sure, but as of now I'm leaning towards banning her from the room until the end of the playoffs.

Hi. I'm Brooksie and the Bruins need me.

2011-05-27T11:57:00.000-07:00

It's official - I'm addicted to hockey. I've known it for a while and this is not a surprise to you if you are my friend, family member or annoyed wife. Most of my time up to the age of 21 was spent on the ice and then I got hurt 2 years in a row in college, hung up the skates, and got into radio. Since moving to Canada, I've been playing A LOT. Actually, that is a big understatement....right up there with "Columbus didn't get along with the native people when he came to America". At least I haven't murdered anyone. Yet.

The fact that I'm playing too much doesn't bother me. The fact that I'm leading my men's league in penalties doesn't bother me - I'm actually proud of that....play to win or don't play at all. What's starting to scare my friends is the that fact that I really believe my actions have in impact on the fate of the Bruins in the playoffs. Seriously.

Tonight is game 7, the Bruins are playing Tampa at the TD Garden and the winner is going to the Stanley Cup final. The Bruins have the second most Stanley Cups out of all American teams, but haven't won it since 1972. Frankly, I'd like to see it happen in my lifetime and the sooner the better. I have watched every second of every playoff game. Adjustments have also been made to my life depending on whether the B's won or lost the previous game. Wardrobe, ipod selection on the way to work, what kind of beer I drink while watching the game...all of these decisions have been altered based on the results of the previous game. Remember, there's no I in team. I've even been showering with a hockey helmet on because I scored a goal while wearing it in the old Garden. Sweet shot from the slot.....right where Kaberle should be firing from. Just saying.

I wore a Bruins hat for game 6 and they lost. Do you see me wearing a Bruins hat today? Nope. I benched it. A healthy scratch.

In today's line up is a #4 Bobby Orr t-shirt. Who better to bring some luck than the best defenseman, and arguably the best hockey player, of all time. Shut it, Gretzky is third on the list after Lemieux. Bobby also visited me in the hospital when I was a kid so I consider him to be a close friend even though I haven't seen him in 29 years.

I also forgot to log onto the Bruins website before game 6. Big mistake that I've corrected today. I have been logged on all day at work and will immediately notice any breaking news, line changes or other must have info. I usually look up content for the radio show while I'm on-air, but not today. I spent all day Wednesday looking up news on Idol for the finale and left my B's a man down for a series ending game. Won't happen again, please accept my apologies Cam Neely.

Speaking of Neely, I listened to his favorite song "Black Betty" by Ram Jam 10 times on the subway today. I also put on some old school Dropkick Murphy's during the commute. They helped the Sox win the World Series so it could be good for karma.

I believe that all of these actions will help my boys win tonight and they will gain a spot in the Stanley Cup finals. If not, I may have to cut off my fingers so I'm not tempted to blog on a game day. I really hope it doesn't come to that.

PDA On The Subway

2011-05-26T14:12:00.000-07:00

I commute to work on the subway every day. Luckily, we live in the city so it only takes about 25 minutes door to door on a slow day. Whether you take public transportation, walk or drive to work you know that it's the same thing over and over every day. It's monotonous and boring. You can do some things to make the commute more enjoyable; listen to an ipod, play games on your phone or read a book if you feel like getting your geek on, but none of these options are nearly as entertaining as what I witnessed on the way home last night.

One serious game of "tonsil hockey". I was on the this train for 10 minutes and it didn't stop once. Did I mention that she was cute? Bonus.

I was shocked when I looked over and saw what was going on....a drastic change from the normal commuters. You know them as well as I do; professionals, students, the often present "yeller" who may be seeing ghosts, groups of teens and homeless guys with nothing else to do. This train had a good mix for optimal people watching and was NOT empty, it was 7 pm and almost every seat was occupied. I quickly changed my ipod from Green Day "Holiday" to Marvin Gaye "Let's Get It On" and quit my game of Brick Breaker mid-level to catch the show. The old lady next to me wasn't as thrilled. With a disgusted look on her face, she asked "do you see those two"? I replied, "YES I DO" in what must have been in a creepy voice (Marvin's fault) because it was a conversation ender. Her loss. I was almost in the mood.

Their PDA session made me think of scenarios that make it socially acceptable to go at it on a busy subway car, and I'm happy to report that there are quite a few.

Theory: One of them just got back from a long trip.
Conclusion: Not likely. No suitcase.

Theory: The guy is a soldier who is coming/going away.
Conclusion: Nah...Too scrawny and no uniform.

Theory: They are secret lovers who are hiding their romance from their significant other.
Conclusion: Possible, but risky in public.

Theory: Sheila, a small town girl, has always dreamed of living in the big city. She is new to this urban empire and drawn to the fast paced life, fancy cars and bright lights. Indoor plumbing is also in her plus column. She meets Blaine, a hot shot financial trader who sweeps her off of her feet with his smooth words, gourmet meals and lavish presents. It is obvious to all that these star-crossed lovers are destined to spend the rest of their lives together.
Conclusion: I could be the next Nora Roberts.

I'm not sure what their story is....maybe they were just horny. I'm just happy that they didn't sneeze on me like the homeless guy did on Monday.

Monkey Bar Challenge!

2011-05-19T12:15:00.000-07:00

After what felt like a year of rain, the sun finally came out this morning in Toronto. I took a break from building the family Ark and joined Leah and the kids for a trip to the park. My high school band had a song called "Spark". If I had a pet bird it would be a lark who liked the dark and loved to watch Shark - Week.
And I'm done....

The kids were playing near the monkey bars when Leah asked me if I could get across them without stopping. I immediately answered, "yes". I've been working out consistently for over a year now and I'm the middle of P90X - don't want to brag, but I can finally do 10 pull ups. Turns out that was NOT the correct answer.....

I made it across 3 and I was toast....please accept my apologies Tony Horton.

Leah also is a P90Xer and she decided to give it a try.

She did well, but was not able to make it all the way across.

Monkey Bar Challenge

It is my goal to get back to the physical prowess that I had at the age of 11 before the end of the summer. I encourage you to join the challenge. Here's how you can get involved.

1.) Find a set of monkey bars. If you don't own a kid, try babysiting and bring him/her to the park. Don't go to the park alone and hog the monkey bars if you are an adult. No one likes a creeper.

2.) Try crossing the monkey bars without stopping.

3.) Don't get too down on yourself because you sucked.

4.) Exercise for the summer and practise on the monkey bars. Dedication is a must.

5.) Send me video evidence of you crossing without stopping.

6.) If the evidence is authentic, I will donate $1 to the charity of your choice.

Good luck!

****disclaimer - this challenge is for out of shape people and former fatties like me. You should be able to cross the monkey bars if you are one of my pro athlete friends, in the military or law enforcement. No dollar for you.*******

Oh yeah....I almost forgot.....the kids had fun at the park too.

The WORST idea ever.

2011-05-18T12:15:00.000-07:00

This is The Gardiner Expressway. As you can see, it runs through the middle of Toronto.

Thousands of people drive on it daily.

Traffic volumes Direction

Average weekday traffic volume per 24-hour period in 2008

To/from DVP Eastbound 33,583 Westbound 32,000

This is only one statistic - I won't bore you with the rest. Simply put, it is an incredibly busy highway that ties other major highways together and makes traveling in the largest city in Canada possible. This weekend is a long holiday weekend. Do you know what many people do on long holiday weekends? Travel. Guess what is closed this weekend. The freaking highway!!! Seriously. I just got the press release.

City of Toronto Media Relations has issued the following:

==========================================
News Release

May 18, 2011
Gardiner Expressway closed this weekend for annual spring maintenance
The City of Toronto's Transportation Services division will be performing maintenance activities on the Gardiner Expressway from Saturday, May 21 to Monday, May 23. Full closure of the expressway will be required in order to perform the work safely.

==========================================

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for improving roads and making sure that workers are safe while they do it. I'm just baffled by the timing. Then there is the fact that they just let people know about this TODAY. The weekend is two days away....hope you weren't planning on traveling. Sure there are other roads that you can take, but they are going to be a MESS. The other option is to head north, get on the 401 (which is already the busiest highway in THE ENTIRE WORLD) and drive around the city. Convenient.

This has to rank up there with the worst ideas of all time!

Worst ideas ever?

1. screen door for a submarine

2. solar powered night light

3. helicopter ejector seat

4. reusable condom

5. The Wiggles

Who's in trouble? I'm in trouble. Why? Let me tell you. In a poem.

2011-05-17T14:57:00.000-07:00

My baby girl swore at playgroup today

A bad word that she heard her daddy say

It starts with an F and ends with a K

If it was fork, it would still be a good day

Mommy was shocked, embarrased and sad

Then promptly called and threathened to kill dad

Won't happen again, I've learned my lesson dear

I'll have to wait till next year to be father of the year

Life Comes Full Circle. And it's fun!

2011-01-24T12:27:00.000-08:00

Some of my best memories from childhood involve hockey and going to the rink to learn how to skate. My parents spent countless hours at rinks cheering (some called it yelling) watching and coaching me as a kid. They were some of the best years of my life!

Quinlynn is almost three years old and interested in hockey and learning how to skate. We enrolled her in a learn to skate program for 2-5 year old kids and it's great. They play games and use toys while teaching the little ones how to skate. Truth be told, she is disappointed that she can't use a puck or stick at this program. I had to tell her to relax and learn how to stand up on skates first....we'll work on her power play skills soon enough.

This past Sunday was week two and she did great. Quinn stood on the ice for over a minute without my help! She also did a great job of taking strides, or to be more specific, walking like a duck while making quacking noises.

The best part is that she had a lot of fun and is looking forward to hitting the ice next weekend.

Me too!

Chopsticks + baby = drumsticks.

2011-01-12T11:54:00.000-08:00

The Brooks family LOVES sushi, pronounced "sqwoooshi" by Quinlynn, and we get it on a regular basis. I didn't have sushi until I was about 25 years old. Everyone in the entertainment business eats it and I was invited to many sushi dinners and lunches over the years. My first experience wasn't so good....my old boss Rick lined up a bunch of disgusting stuff and said "eat it". Sea urchin, weird fish eggs and other disgusting stuff....it was a test to see what I could handle. I even ate eel without knowing what it was (I have a ridiculous fear of snakes), and it was actually pretty good. Unfortunately, I felt like it was going to eat me from the inside once I found out what it was. Never again!

I'm happy that 2 year old Quinlynn is already a fan. She LOVES miso soup, eats edamame by the handful and will eat basic rolls like California and cucumber. She'll take the rolls, dip them in soy sauce and eat them.

The last time we had sushi, Quinn saw us using chopsticks and decided that she also wanted to use them. I handed her a pair and showed her how to use them to pick up a roll. She did a great job for her first time....minus one important step. The sticks were used for EVERYTHING, except eating sushi!

She drank milk.

She played "chopsticks".

She played drums on the walls.

Actually, I've done all of those things with chopsticks after too much saki.....

Anyone want to buy some Team Russia jerseys?

2011-01-06T11:28:00.000-08:00

I play hockey in a Tuesday night league and one of the guys on the team was able to get a great deal on international team jerseys. The guys decided to go with Team Russia, thinking that there would be a ton of other players in the league wearing Canada shirts.
I've worn the shirts out to many different rinks and people always notice and comment on how nice they are. These are official with beautifully stitched logos and I've seen them in stores for $125 a piece. We got home and away, with numbers added on, for $40. Such a great deal!

Until last night.

The World Junior Hockey Championship gold medal game was held in Buffalo, and Canada faced Russia. Canada was winning 3-0 after the first 40 minutes and it appeared they would take home the gold. Then the third period happened. Russia responded with the biggest comeback in the history of the tournament to win 5-3. Hockey fans across Canada were stunned, upset and incredibly disappointed.

If you aren't a big hockey fan you may wonder what the big deal is thinking that it is only junior hockey. Up here, these kids are already famous. They have been on Sports Centre doing interviews for the last month and are already household names. Many have already been selected in the first round of the NHL draft, some have actually seen NHL action, and many will be on pro rosters next year. Hall and Seguin played on this team last year and then went #1 and #2 overall in the draft. It's a big friggin' deal. It's like The Beanpot in Boston with much better players and followed by the entire nation. Passionately.

Long story short, I'm going to get my teeth put through the back of my head if I step out on the ice next week in a Team Russia jersey.

Time to sign up for an Ebay account....auction for a couple of Russian jerseys starts soon.

2010-12-08T13:31:00.000-08:00

A MAJOR crime against humanity was committed around noon today on the T.T.C. I was on the tube when a man boarded, sat down and began eating. You ask why this is a crime? Fear not faithful reader, I've prepared a laundry list of offenses that were committed and we'll get to that in a second.

I understand that it was noon and this is the perfect time to devour a tasty lunch. The issue was that this was the most unbelievably good smelling meal that I have ever smelled in my life....and it was in a confined space. There is absolutely NO air circulation on the subway and I was breathing in pure tasty deliciousness. This meal smelled so good that I wanted to hop across the train, disable this person (possibly with a sleeper hold) and eat his lunch. The crazy thing is that I had just eaten before I left the house. His lunch smelled so got that I got hungry again. 15 minutes prior I was full and I was now STARVING.

I didn't strike. I watched him eat and breathed in the goodness, much like a former smoker who inhales and smiles as they get a whiff of second hand smoke. I stared. I drooled. I imagined what the food would taste like if I had been the one eating it. I was a take out food stalker.

Things started to turn for the worse as he continued to eat. Not only did he break the rules of common decency by not bringing enough food to share with the class, he was also a disgusting eater. He hit every food pet peeve of mine;

- Eating with the mouth open

- Chewing loudly

- Picking his teeth for "leftovers".

Simply put this dude was the nastiest eater in the world. It was gross to the point that I lost my appetite. He giveth and he taketh away.

Decorating a Christmas tree: This guy needs HELP!

2010-12-07T13:10:00.000-08:00

Decorating a Christmas tree. Fun? Sometimes. Over the years I've learned an important lesson that I'll share for the benefit of men everywhere. Shut up, drink eggnog and let her do the decorating. Should you help? Absolutely. Should you criticize her ideas or say things like, "are you sure you want it like that"? Absolutely not. Pretend like you are offering an extra set of hands to the professional plumber you called in to fix a leaking pipe. Do what he says and stay the hell away from the blow torch.

We decorated the tree over the weekend, and as always, my wife Leah gets really into in. Her love for the holiday is infectious and I love that she is passing this onto our children. Unfortunately, we put a majority of our Christmas decorations in storage when we moved last year. I don't remember this, but rumour has it that this was my idea. Allegedly, I also forgot to take them out of storage. Simply put, the tree is going to suck this year and it is my fault. Where did I leave my eggnog?

I was given the important task of buying some ornaments and lights while I was out shopping. I stopped by Walmart and they had a million lights to choose from. I looked for about 20 minutes and realized that they were almost completely out of indoor lights. There were TONS of multi coloured lights, but Leah HATES coloured lights on Christmas trees. There was only one box of white indoor lights left. I read the box and it had 100 lights and was 26 feet long. I did some math....five foot tree....26 feet of lights. Divide by pi, carry the two. Whatever. We are good to go!

WRONG!

I was driving home when I got a call from home. I proudly told her how I snagged the very last box of white lights, saving Christmas for the Brooks family . Her response instantly told me that I didn't save jack. "Only ONE box?" I explained the math, but she wasn't convinced. I told her that they had tons of coloured lights. Personally, I like coloured lights on trees. A large object projecting white light from the corner of the room isn't a Christmas tree in my opinion; it's a lamp. I gave up on this argument years ago.... I said, "How about I go to Canadian Tire and see what they have?"

At Canadian Tire there was a massive wall of lights. In front of this wall were approximately 15 men and everyone of them was on the phone - most likely with his wife. Confused looks were present on all faces. I looked around for a minute before dialing home. Leah tried to talk me through it, but I was having a tough time trying to find white indoor lights. After a little while I tracked them down. I told Leah about the details including the price. She said, "why are they so expensive"? I told her that I didn't care about the price, I was going to buy the lights so I could get home as soon as possible so we could decorate as a family (and drink more eggnog).

At home, I learned why the lights were so expensive. "You got L.E.D. lights. They are always more expensive!" I asked if I should go back to return them and get the right lights. Leah came up with a better idea, she would do it herself. She took a trip to Canadian Tire and came back minutes later with what she was looking for.

Anyone know how the return policy is at Canadian Tire? I have to take a trip there this weekend.

Santa thinks my girl is a boy...

2010-12-06T11:38:00.000-08:00

What a fun weekend!!! We got a Christmas tree, decorated the house with the kids and saw Santa! It was extra special for Avery who turned 8 months old yesterday. This is her first Christmas and there are lots of firsts!
We took her and 2 year old Quinlynn to see Santa and things went well...except for the fact that Santa called Avery a boy. She was wearing pink. Tons o' pink, but there was still some confusion. I got this on video and it is quite funny....unless you are Santa. Enjoy in the video below!

Later that night we played Quinlynn a message from Santa. You can find these at http://www.portablenorthpole.ca/home and they are the CUTEST thing ever. As you can see in the video, Quinn talks back to the computer thinking she is talking to Santa. She then busts into singing "Dreidel Dreidel"....no, we aren't Jewish. It is rather hilarious so feel free to share it with your family or friends.

We also had some laughs while we were picking out our Christmas tree. My Blackberry accidentally "butt-dialed" 911. I got a call back from the cops asking if everything was alright. I then dropped the Christmas tree in the middle of the Danforth. Traffic was waiting while I tried to get it back in the wagon to take it home...I couldn't make up comedy like this if I tried. Funny and fun weekend!

Getting old SUCKS!

2010-12-02T11:37:00.000-08:00

My wife Leah is a great woman. She is an excellent mom and a great wife. I don't know how ladies do it. Not only does she stay home and raise two small children (and does an amazing job at it), she also has to take care of her biggest child; ME!

I came home from hockey late last night and Leah was still awake reading a book. I showered and was getting dressed when Leah noticed it. The BIGGEST grey hair ever. It was right there on my chest and it was massive. Shave Taylor Hicks' head and pop a long strand of grey on my chest. Terrible!

I tried to pull this song off of me and it wouldn't budge. I think it wanted to stay and torture me for the rest of my life, a constant reminder that I'm over the hill. Leah hopped into action, got the tweezers and went to work Nurse Jackie style. Of course she thought this was hilarious and took pictures and video of the whole thing. I'm only 33 years old...hopefully she'll take care of me for another 50 years. I'll need it!

What I Am NOT Thankful For

2010-11-26T12:17:00.000-08:00

We celebrated Thanksgiving in Toronto and it was a great day! Pat, Jim and Joc traveled north to celebrate with us and it was really nice to spend the day with family! It was a special day for baby Avery being her first (wait second Thanksgiving since she is a Canuck). Canadian Thanksgiving was October 10th and we were in California. U.S. Thanksgiving was yesterday and we were in Canada. Whatever...turkey is turkey! We cooked a ton of food, relaxed and watched The Patriots game. The highlight of the day was an impromptu kitchen dance with my girls, Leah, Pat, Jim, and Joc while preparing dinner....priceless.

Multiple Choice Challenge!!!!
What is Quinlynn Thankful for?

A. Peanut Butter
B. Jelly
C. Her Father.

Her answer? NOT C. Definitely NOT C. I asked multiple times while pointing at myself while saying "me...me...ME?" NO. She is now getting a used car when she turns 16. A really crappy used car. With dents.

After the kids went to be we went out for drinks at the Dora Keogh. Thanks, Joc! One of the best Thanksgivings ever!

Things That I Am NOT Thankful For:
Inspired By Quinlynn Marie Joseph Brooks

Hangovers
Milk coming back up out of your nose
Animals that have the ability to eat you while you are still alive
Sharts
People who request Justin Bieber
Nose hair
Man boobs
Olives and anything made with Olives.
Celine Dion
Furry Spiders
Baby puke landing in my mouth
Speeding tickets
Eleventeen Year Olds
Taxes
People who talk to my while I'm writing (Including the person who is blabbing in my right ear now and isn't getting the hint that I'm not listening)

GOOD EATING! Best cookie EVER!

2010-11-23T11:45:00.000-08:00

Last night I met the new love of my life. It's called a "Whoopie".

Not that Whoopie....this kind of Whoopie

This is a pumpkin cookie situation that is cream filled and simply the best thing you have ever eaten in your LIFE! Period.

I was watching the Leafs game when Leah brought one into the bedroom and asked if I wanted one. I'm not big on sweets so I said, "no thanks". She quickly cut to the chase and said, "just eat the damn thing." Being the rock that I am, I took a bite. DELICIOUS! I finished it and immediately asked for another. I couldn't stop eating them or stop thinking about them. I watched The View this morning and this is what I saw...

I brought the left over Whoopies to work today and they were a HUGE hit. Our program director ate two during the music meeting and then asked me to save one for after lunch. He said it was the best cookie that he's ever eaten. Did I mention he is skinny? Hate that he can get away with eating like that.

Our general manager tried one and loved it. Fearing for his waist line, he threatened to have Leah deported if she sent more to the station. I'll have to keep that in mind for our next marital dispute.

Afternoon news reporter Kim Geddes ate a whoopie after being ~~offered~~ told to eat one by the GM. Her response? "This is better than sex!" They are quite good...not sure if they are THAT good. In other news, Geddes needs a new man.

The Pumpkin Whoopie

I was very excited that Leah's creation was such a huge hit at work. My boss emailed her directly and asked if she could make more for him to take home. Her reply surprised me;

"I can make more. That Martha Stewart sure knows her sh^t!"

What? I've been bragging about my wife's baking chops all day and it was a Martha Stewart recipe...not good. Leah can bake her butt off so I assumed it was her recipe. Maybe she told me and I wasn't paying attention.....I was watching the Leafs!

In any case, these things are REALLY good and you can find the recipe here. Enjoy!

Santa? Santa? WHERE'S SANTA?

2010-11-22T14:01:00.000-08:00

Yesterday the Brooks family headed downtown to see the 106th annual Santa Claus Parade. Fun day! We got to Queen's Park around noon and found a perfect spot in the grass. I was expecting it to be PACKED, but it wasn't bad at all! They kids played and ate lunch while we drank coffee in between rounds of chasing Quinn all over the park. Leah did a great job preparing and had food and tasty snacks. She thought of everything....except the hockey sticks. I couldn't believe how many people brought sticks and were playing in the street. Next year it is on!

They did a great job with the parade and the floats were quite good. One thing that made this parade better than back home was FREE CANDY. There were hundreds of clowns handing out candy. Starburst by the box! Literally. At one point every person around us had free boxes of Starburst and the kids were getting them by the handful. There was a nonstop supply as if someone robbed a truck full of Starburst and decided to bring it to the parade. Hope the driver made it out alive....

The production of the parade was great except for a couple of long gaps of nothing. Float - 20 minutes of nothing - float. This happened twice. What made matter worse was that there were thousands of bored kids who were WIRED on sugar. The kids were running up and down the street losing their minds! This parade needed a few less marching bands and more Santa.

Santa finally arrived around 3:30 and Quinlynn was excited to see him! Leah and I were excited to get home, light a fire, have a drink and watch football.

And eat the rest of the Starburst.

G Joseph Brooks: Final Destination. Do I want to make this plane?

2010-11-15T14:38:00.000-08:00

I went to Chicago last weekend to meet up with some old friends. Fun weekend! It was great to hang, catch up and relax. Everything was great once I got there, but getting there was a royal pain in the butt! For the first time in my life, I had to call the airline and say, "I don't think I'm going to make it in time to get on this flight."

I flew out of Buffalo because it was half the price of the flights from Toronto. I'm not sure what's up with the flights up here, but they KILL you on taxes and "airport improvement fees". I figured I'd drive a bit, and booked a flight in the early afternoon so I had plenty of time to drive south. Great plan...in theory.

In the morning I did the usual stuff...cooked breakfast and hung out with my girls . I spent some extra time with Quinlynn because she didn't want me to leave for the weekend. This put me behind schedule by about ten minutes, but it was well worth it. I then helped Leah get the girls ready for their play date. I was now another 10 minutes behind schedule. Next stop was the bank to wire money and take out some US cash for spending. I learned that the bank manager was the only person who could give me US currency and she was busy. Really busy. Awesome! I had my money twenty minutes later and was now 40 minutes late.

I got on The Gardiner and started the drive south. I looked down at dashboard and realized that I had a problem. I put gas in the other car and forgot that this one was almost empty. DAMN! I'd have to make a stop on the QEW and get some gas. Luckily, I was able to find a place right off of the highway and gassed up. I was back on the road when I noticed another problem;

Queenston/Lewiston border wait time: 30 to 60 minutes.

NOT GOOD! Theoretically, I could still make it...I'd probably have to skip lunch, but at least I'd make the flight. I noticed a sign with an 800 number to call for bridge crossing details. I dialed it and was unhappy to hear that the wait time was actually 90 minutes on the Queenston/Lewiston Bridge. CRAP! I listened to the rest of the message, and they did not have a time for The Peace Bridge. The bridge is a little more of a drive, but it is usually empty. I stayed on the QEW still confident that I'd be fine. I got to The Peace Bridge around 12 and redialed the 800 number to see if there was an update. 50 minute wait. I felt sick to my stomach and realized that I was most likely not going to make my flight.

As I pulled up to the border I looked for the line that would be the fastest. I saw a Bus/Van/Car line and there were only a couple of RV's and 2 other cars in line. PERFECT! The Boston driver in me came out as I weaved my way over, cutting off everyone in true Masshole fashion. All I could do now was wait for my turn. The first RV got through in about a minute and I was almost through. The second RV must have been a meth lab or something because they were dragging dudes out of it. Agents searched the vehicle and it was a MESS! About ten minutes later they had the RV out of the way and I was next in line. It was 12:20 and I could still make it if I got through quickly. That's when the gate closed and the agents walked away. A shift change? NOW? What the ........fear took over. I was not making this flight.

Ten minutes went by and a new agent arrived. I handed over my passport and she looked at it. "Where are you going?" I told her that my destination was Chicago. She replied, "good enough for me." I was on my way!

It was now 12:30 and my flight was scheduled to leave at 1:25. I stepped on the gas and headed south for the airport. I was driving so quickly (90 MPH/144 KPH) that I drove right by the exit for the airport. I was heading in the wrong direction on route 33 when a thought crossed my mind: Maybe I'm NOT supposed to make this flight. Was this a Final Destination moment? Maybe someone was looking out for me up there and was doing everything in his/her power to keep me off of this flight.

I made a decision right then and there that I was going to slow down and take my time getting there. If I was meant to be on this flight, I'd somehow get there on time. If not...I'd get drinks at the bar and wait for the next flight.

I pulled into the parking lot at 1:00 and found a spot after 5 minutes. Luckily the bus was waiting to pick me up so I got to the lobby quickly. Security was pretty packed, and I started thinking about what kind of draft beer I wanted to have while I waited. I got through security at 1:20. This is when I started hauling ass for the plane. My belt and shoes were off from the security check so I ran to the plane with them off. The entire terminal must have seen my boxers because my pants were falling down!

I made it to the plane as the doors were closing. I got on wondering if I was going to die or not. There were two things that I did know; I needed a beer and next time I'm paying that "airport improvement" fee in Toronto!

OUCH - Those are FIGHTING words!

2010-11-11T12:48:00.000-08:00

"You are NOT a hockey player".
OUCH! These are the words that I heard last night from my beloved wife and baby making partner Leah. Lie to me. Cheat on me. I can deal with that. THIS is simply unacceptable!

I play hockey on Wednesday nights with Hockey Extreme. It's an hour practise with coaches followed by an hour scrimmage. Great workout and a lot of fun! I was still pretty wired when I got home and decided that I wanted a glass of wine to help unwind. The rest of the guys go out for beers after the game, but I decided to come home early being the devoted life partner that I am. I'm ~~a catch~~ whipped, what can I say...

Leah decided to join me for a glass, so I poured a couple and joined her in the bedroom. As usual, I made a stupid comment about making another Canadian baby;

Me: Want to get naked?

Leah: Get away from me you smell.

Me: What's wrong? You don't like hockey players?

Leah: You are NOT a hockey player.

Me: Excuse me?

Leah: You are NOT a hockey player.

Me: What the hell do you mean by that?

Leah: At your age, you are not a hockey player unless you play in the NHL. You are an old dude who plays hockey. NOT a hockey player.

Me: Is it too late to ask for a prenup?

I was truly bothered by her statement. I scored a goal in The Boston Garden. The Garden! The old one that smelled like beer and vomit. I played in national level camps and was the leading scorer for Team Massachusetts. I'm a hockey player! An over the hill hockey player? Sure. Still a hockey player.

She wouldn't budge from her position and said, "you're not a hockey player because you don't get paid to play hockey." That's true, I don't get paid to play hockey. That would make me a professional hockey player. I never claimed to be that (even though I plan on making the "show" in the future).

Friends, I will refer to the definition of "hockey player" to settle this dispute;

Noun
• S: (n) hockey player, ice-hockey player (an athlete who plays hockey)

I now plead my case:

Exhibit A - I'm on week 8 of P90X so I'm clearly an athlete. An athlete who almost has "guns".

Exhibit B - I play ice-hockey.

Verdict: I'm a hockey player!

I'm not sure why I let this bother me. Leah is a Whalers fan....what does show know about hockey? Put on your Kevin Dinnen jersey, listen to "Brass Bonanza" on your ipod for memories and leave this old hockey player alone!

Here's something you don't see every day...

2010-11-08T11:22:00.000-08:00

We took a road trip to Vaughan Mills over the weekend for a day of outlet shopping! The entire family needed winter jackets, hats and gloves. A full order of warm stuff to get us through the winter. Speaking of winter, they were already playing Christmas music. Too soon? Believe me...I love the sound of The Jonas Brothers belting out my beloved Christmas classics, but it seemed a little too soon.

The mall is HUGE! It has almost 1.2 million square feet of retail space and over 200 stores. All that real estate offers lots and lots of space for Quinlynn to RUN. She was a maniac from the second we stepped into The Children's Place. I tried to explain that it was important for her to stay with us so she didn't get lost. She ran. I tried to bribe her with a new wardrobe. She ran more. I picked her up. She continued running with her feet in the air, and her feet were kicking me below the belt. I'm not sure if the Jo Bros were singing "Jingle Bells", but it would have been fitting.

We stepped out of the store and noticed a little kid in a race car shopping cart. THAT was what we needed! They were renting them out at the main entrance for $5. Best five bucks we've ever spent! Did Quinn repeatedly yell, "daddy go fast". Yes. Did daddy go fast and almost run over an old lady who wasn't paying attention? Yes. Was "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" playing? Not sure, but I'm going to lie and say it was.

As we moved through the mall we heard loud music coming from one of the food stands. It was the unmistakable sound of live karaoke! I didn't catch the name of the crooner (let's go with Spooner), but he was belting out some adult contemporary gems.

I've never seen live karoake in the middle of the mall, and truth be told - it was sort of weird. We walked by many times and he just kept belting out the light favorites. I love Lionel Richie just as much as the next gal, but I'm not sure why that is good for business. "Ohhh...it's Hello let's go buy a crepe!!!"

Unfortunately, no one else joined Spooner for a song. They even had two microphones so they were technically equip for a classic duet....perhaps "Endless Love". From my years of experience in the entertainment industry, I can point out the fatal flaw in their plan. There was a serious lack of alcohol. NO ONE sings karaoke sober - ESPECIALLY in front of thousands of strangers. Even though the gig was doomed from the start, we hope Spooner was able to drive up the crepe sales....sure helps sell the hell out of scorpion bowls!

Dear C.E.O. - Learn how to ride the subway! WTF?

2010-11-05T11:38:00.000-07:00

I take the subway to work every day and it is usually a good experience. On average, my commute is 25 minutes door to door and it is an enjoyable ride. I drink coffee, listen to my ipod and read books. It is the perfect amount of time to relax and get focused for my day at the radio station.

I've found that 99% of the people that ride the T.T.C. are respectful of others and follow the "rules". We all know the unspoken "rules" of public transportation;

1.) Give up your seat for an old lady, woman with a baby or a person on crutches. Oh yeah, and hot girls.

2.) Cover your mouth if you sneeze or cough. Take the bus if you are really sick - I don't take the bus.

3.) Do NOT make eye contact for more than .03 seconds. Wear sunglasses if you have a wandering eye.

Here are some additional rules that I've come up with based on my public transportation travels;

Brooksie's T.T.C. Code

1.) Under no circumstances are you allowed to spill coffee on a baby. Even ugly babies are off limits.

2.) Use the stairs when in a rush. I'm relaxing on the escalator. I run at the gym. Use the stairs rush boy.

3.) Don't be a jerk and hog all of the seats. I don't care how important you are. Don't be a jerk.

I ran into the biggest breaker of my T.T.C. code rule 3 today. Here is the normal 3 seat bench on the train.

It is spacious enough for 3 people. Often 2 people take up the bench, leaving the middle seat open for bags and such. I have no issue with this approach. Let's face it, no one wants to sit next to a creep and two and a half feet of space makes the situation much more tolerable. My issue today was that the person (C.E.O. boy) decided to sit in the middle seat in an attempt to prevent anyone from joining him.

Oh, hell no. I was in the middle of a riveting chapter of "7 Habits Of Highly Effective People" and I needed a seat. There were no other options, so C.E.O. boy got an unwanted guest.

After sitting down, I opened up my book and got back to reading about my inadequacies and why I am not management material. I was keeping to myself when C.E.O. boy struck. A battle of epic proportions ensued. A battle that rivals The Battle of Gettysburg, Stalingrad and the U.S. War on drugs...wait how is that one going?

The douche nozzle elbowed me and made that, "ehhh hheeemm" sound. Seriously, who does that?

I took a second to collect my thoughts and plotted my retaliation. I have been doing P90X and was about to get all Kenpo X on his ass, but I refrained. A subtle strike was in order. I spread my legs apart until my right leg made contact with his left leg. Not just contact, the our legs were touching from ankle to butt cheek.

C.E.O. boy was clearly uncomfortable and immediately started up his, "ehhh hheeemm" bit. He also shifted away from me...slightly. If the roles were reversed I would have made the obvious move;

He must have had national secrets or nuclear codes in that suitcase because this dude wouldn't budge! I continued my strike and streched out more. He was clearly uncomfortable, and showed his "tell" like a bad poker player. Evertime I brushed up against his leg he looked down at his shoes (which looked freshly shined) and wiggled his feet.

After a few rounds, and many increasingly annoying "ehhh hheeemm" sounds, I took things to the next level. While repeating the "finish him" line from Karate Kid in my mind, I looked at him with the biggest smile. An "I want to get to know you" type of smile. This made his feet twitch like he was having a muscle spasm. The battle was won.

I eased up on my offense as we pulled into my subway stop. I closed my book and stood up to leave. C.E.O. boy spread out his legs clearly relieved that I was leaving. I exited the train, stepping on his nice shoes on the way out for good measure.

A Plumber I am NOT. Luckily, my wife is!

2010-11-04T12:28:00.000-07:00

UGG. Not UGG®. UGG. Wait...UGH! There it is. Is anything more annoying than a clogged bath tub? You're in the middle of a shower and realize that your ankles are having a bath. Annoying. You go to shower the next morning and realize that the water from your last shower hasn't drained. Annoying. You reach in to see if you can unclog the drain with your hand when you remember that you peed during your last shower. Disgusting.

We had a clogged bath tub at home and Leah asked if I could fix it. Being the testosterone-filled manly man of a man that I am, I replied with a confident "yup." I've never unclogged a drain before, but I have read a few "Holmes On Homes" magazines. Not to brag, but I also know my way around Home Depot. Qualifications like these are essential for handling major plumbing emergencies.

I came up with a plan off attack and prepared to battle the blockage. My strategy? Go to Home Depot, buy some drain opener and pour that crap down the drain! SIMPLE. I took a run to H.D. and found ZEP drain opener - without any assistance. I told you I know my way around the store. At home, I read the directions and followed them perfectly:

Step 1: Pour 16 oz of drain opener down the drain.

Step 2: Wait 15 minutes.

Step 3: Rinse with warm water.

Step 4: Brag to wife and demand a back rub for being an awesome plumber.

In a perfect world, this plan would have worked. Unfortunately, events unfolded like this:

Step 1: Pour 16 oz of drain opener down the drain.

Step 2: Wait 15 minutes.

Step 3: Rinse with warm water.

Step 4: Realize this did not work at all and swear loudly.

Having heard step 4, Leah offered her advice on how to fix the clog. "You should use a plunger and see if you can free it up." I thought about it for a half a second, and after much thought, replied "why the hell would you use a plunger on a tub?" Everyone knows plungers are for unclogging toilets. Dolt.

I returned to the directions on the drain opener and noticed that they suggest repeating the steps if the blockage isn't clear after one round. Repeat I did. Again, and again. Four rounds, and many expletives later, I remembered that there was a drain snake in the laundry room. Perfect!

I got the snake, put it down the drain and wiggled it down the hole. It moved a total of three inches before I hit the corner of the pipe. If the clog was there I would have been golden. It wasn't. I tried and tried, with no luck, to get the snake down the drain. After twenty minutes I gave up and returned to plan A. I repeated step 4 more than any other step.

Being the web savvy mom, and professional facebooker that she is, Leah did a speedy google search and found a site to help us with the situation. Here is what they recommended:

- The first step in unblocking a bathtub drain is to look at it and see if you can see what's blocking it.

- If you can't see the clog to pull it out, your next step is to try plunging the drain. (This is when I realized that I'm dumb)

- If a plunger won't clear a blockage, a "snake" - a long flexible steel cable wound on a handle - is the next level of escalation. (ok...I'm not a moron. I just skipped a step. whew)

- Some people think using chemicals to clear a drain is an option. However, any chemicals that will dissolve a clog (usually grease based) are highly caustic and damaging to the environment. No professional will ever use a chemical to clear a drain for exactly those reasons. (moron feeling is back)

At this point it was 11 o'clock at night and I had a brilliant realization: we don't own this house. Time to call it a night and let the landlord deal with it! I called our landlord in the morning and she set up an appointment for the following morning.

Later the next day I got an instant message from Leah on facebook;
_____________________________________________________

Leah: the tub is draining

Me: really? on it's own?

Leah: I plunged the $h&t out of it

Me: really?

Leah: i just ran the water for like 30 minutes and it did not fill the tub at all

Me: really? should I call and cancel?

Leah: yeah, i think so

Me: did it drain all the way down?

Leah: yup

Me: are you more of a man that I am?

Leah: yeah, i wasn't going to bring that up but....

Me: remember when I told you not to use a plunger?

Leah: yeah, I remember that

Me: BAD advice

Leah: pretty much

_______________________________________________

Need a plumber? Call Leah.

G Joseph Brooks. Counterfeiter.

2010-11-02T14:40:00.000-07:00

This morning, as usual, I took a walk to Tim Horton's to get coffee for Leah and I. No one was in line. Bonus. I ordered our fix from the same girl that I order with every morning. We engaged in the normal conversation;

Her: "Do you want a carrier?"

Me: "Yes."

Always get a carrier or request that they double up on the cups at Timmy's. Their coffee is incredibly hot and their cups are unusually thin. Perfect combination for an angry palm. She returned with my order. $3.44 just like it always is. I handed her a 5 dollar bill and started to reach for my order.

That's when things got really weird.

As I reached for the coffee, I noticed that she was staring at the $5 bill. I knew something was definitely not normal when she asked me to put the order back on the counter. I held it long enough to get a sniff and put it back down. She then called over the manager and showed her my money. Not good. Other workers joined in and there was a huddle of people analyzing the bill. Shit. They each took a turn looking and the bill. One held it up in the air and looked at it from all sides. Another scratched it. One lady sniffed it. Freak. Their conversation wrapped up and I was informed that they would not accept this bill.

I had no other money with me. Perfect.

I had never been in a situation like this before so I wasn't sure what was going to happen. Would they call the police?

Cop: "Do you know it is a crime to carry counterfeit money?"

Me: "I plead the fifth."

Cop: "This is Canada. You can't plead the fifth. Section Thirteen of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms specifies rights regarding self-incrimination."

Me: "Can I plead the thirteenth?"

Cop: "How long have you been making counterfeit money?"

Me: "Years. I'm surprised you didn't catch me sooner. We keep an illegal printing press in our house. It fits perfectly between the baby crib and big girl bed."

Here's the thing, I'm not capable of making or spotting counterfeit Canadian money. We've been living here for less than a year and I can't even tell you who is pictured on the front of the $5 bill. I know there are hockey players on the back of it. If I see a bill with football players on the back I'm calling the crime stopper hotline. Other than that I have no clue.

Luckily for me, they didn't call the cops. I was asked where I got the bill so I gave the answer that I thought was most likely to make their coffee my coffee, "The bank." It must have sounded like, "The bank?", because she wasn't convinced. Truth is, I got it from the cafeteria at work yesterday. They told me that there was nothing they could do unless I had another form of payment. I didn't. Awesome.

I left the store empty handed, but not defeated. They thought my money was fake. Good news for me was that the food stand across the street had apples for sale and they thought my $5 looked just fine!

Less than a minute later, I returned to claim my coffees with the change from my apple purchase. All legal currency.

Unfortunately, there was a line this time.

Halloween Happenings!

2010-11-01T12:50:00.000-07:00

We had a great Halloween! This year was special because it was baby Avery's first. It was also our first Halloween in Canada, but there aren't many differences between here and back home. Thanksgiving is on a different day (Oct 11th in Canada and Nov 25th in the US) so we get to celebrate two. I wish we had two Halloweens. That would be sweet! Literally. Add drum roll sound here.

This year Quinlynn looked adorable as little red riding hood. Avery was a moose. A cute moose. A cute moose with a penchant for drooling. I was an American hockey player who lives in Canada and plays for team Russia. Why? I had a team Russia hockey jersey from my Tuesday night team. I'm also a huge fan of Rocky IV. "If he dies, he dies." Leah dressed up as a hot mom with a glass of wine. She played the part perfectly.

Last year Quinlynn was only a year and a half old so she wasn't really into Halloween. She went to two houses and was done. We also lived in a shady neighborhood in Philly so we didn't push it. Those kids carry weapons under their Sponge Bob costumes.

This year was completely different! She was really into trick or treating and quickly learned how to spot good houses to go to. At one point she looked down the street and counted the number of houses that had decorations and the lights on for trick or treaters. She let us know that we had, "three more houses to go on this side!"

I was impressed that she didn't get scared at all! Our new neighbors went all out! They had really good decorations, some with moving bodies and things that jumped out at you. Quinlynn didn't flinch at all and moved from house to house loading up on sweets. She was like Whitney Houston at a crack buffet.

Avery drooled.

After a fun night of trick or treating it was time to head home for Quinn to eat her treats. We limited her to a few snacks so she wasn't up all night long.

Plus, it was easier for us to steal her goodies after she passed out!

Pedestrian Sunday Funday.

2010-11-01T12:07:00.000-07:00

Great weekend! The Brooksies spent Halloween weekend at home in Toronto and it was a ton of fun. We started out the day at Pedestrian Sunday at Kensington Market. They close the streets to traffic so you can walk freely to shop, eat and people watch. It is a really cool area of the city and a lot of artists and bands live there. Bands play on the sidewalk, food vendors sell tasty treats and you can buy cool used (occasionally moth ball odored) clothing. Its like South Street in Philly without the meat smell.

Quinlynn LOVES going to Pedestrian Sunday and is always a huge hit with the hipster crowd. Leah dressed her in a rather sweet polka dot covered coat and hat. Not a single person walked by without noticing her and she ate up the attention.

Two minutes into our trip she put her hand to hear ear and said, "is that music I hear?" She then busted some moves in the middle of the street and got down!

Quinlynn drew on the street with chalk and met a boy. Her pick up line? "Nice hat!" Girl has game.

I met a dude. He had me at "free hug."
We tried (failed) at the hula hoop.

Leah and Quinn had some good laughs.

Quinn had her face painted to be a butterfly/cat. I'm concerned that she may be a shape shifter.

We then sampled some tasty apple cider!

Avery stayed warm and took in the sights! I can't wait until next year when she can walk around and get crazy with Quinn.

All of the fun took its toll and Quinn passed out on the way home. She got some good rest and got ready for a fun night of Trick or Treating.
Great Halloween!

2010-06-14T12:48:00.001-07:00

testing one two three. i like chicken.