Advice and Humor from Mr. Condescending.

Post gets deleted in a coupike days

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 02:16:00 +0000

Hey you guyslws.

Here is my long awaiited inventions that will revolutionsize the world but i am giving you access to these ideas for only a short period before i d idetle them.

The only reason you are hearing of hese today is because I am currently drinking a 2nd bottlel of port and am slightly nhirny.

I am developing a product known as SAFE STIX. You will purchase a package of disposal Safe Stix and they resemble coffee stirreres. Then you will rub them slightly over your food or into your drink and they will turn color if someone has spit, pissed, or shitei in your food.

NEVER BE SCARED TO EAT AGAIN.

I go to my friends outhse and I never know if that bastard is drinking out of the soda bottle without a cup, well SAFE STIX will tell me if it's safe ti drink that soda.

Pissed off about the food in a restarahjnt not being cooked properly? Don't worry about sending it back to that retard chef because you will KNOW if they comprimisied your food.

2.)

Also I will develop a system that will atatach to faucets in bathrooms of public kitchens that forces soap into the water for a few seconds then shuts off, MAKING SURE they clean their hand.s

Yes sorry about telling yo umy secrets but I firugrued I owe it to you guys. hopefully i'll se a lot of boobs in exchange if for these inventions and I wish you all the best.

My local newspaper is a disgrace, is yours too?

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 13:44:00 +0000

Title says it all.

My local newspaper (40-50 thousand circulation) is only good for laughs. It's about 20 pages long and 10 are advertisements but that's not the worst of it. There are some real genius reporters and columnists that grace these pages, for instance Lisa Kapps who calls herself "the foodie":

Look at this idiot. The city I live in is basically in shambles and the only thing it's good for is it's food. Unfortunately the only person this moron newspaper can hire to talk about the food is this human whale pictured above. In a recent column she writes about how to make risotto. You can read the article here but don't waste your time because they've edited it. The actual column in the printed paper had her spelling it "ristotto"!

They fixed the spelling error online (wish I saved the printed piece) but they didn't fix the other error near the end of her column...

"But, |I’m looking forward to working at it."

What the fuck is that big vertical dash thing doing there? Seriously it's constant entertainment to read this shit and see waves of spelling errors and days late "Breaking News".

Another expert review by her involves her trip to a restaurant called "Burrito Jonz" but she actually spells it "Buttito Jonez". Haha how can you be SO STUPID and how can this pass their proofreading department. Buttito instead of Burrito?

A few months ago Ms. Kapps gave us another great column showcasing her expertise on beverages, appropriately titled: "Yoo-hoo and other guilty pleasures." Yes she goes on about how great yoo-hoo is to enjoy. Now you might think her columns are some kind of sick joke but they aren't. At the end of her columns is a disclaimer that pretty much explains it all...

"Lisa Kapps is not a registered dietician, nutritionist, chef and does not have professional training of any kind in the culinary arts. However, she eats at least three times every day and has access to the Internet. And she has seen every episode of Top Chef. Ever. Email her at lkapps@uticaod.com."

That's the best my local newspaper can do. And it costs a fucking dollar to buy it. Please tell me I'm not the only one dealing with horrible local newspaper content?

Miss you all

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 03:26:00 +0000

I miss you guys! I know I've been a total stranger and I'll try to get back in the swing of things. You're comments warm my cold heart.

Here's some photos of mine I've been meaning to post...

Blabber

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 04:25:00 +0000

I've been unfollowed by a bunch of my old faithful blog followers that I started up with, I just got over being sick with a nasty cold, and everyone seems to be having loads of sex and fun except me.

I'm not mad or anything. Just disappointed.

Bear with me for a little bit as I recharge my brain cells and start cranking out some fun stuff again.

Old people are sometimes cooler than you think.

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 05:59:00 +0000

I've never used my blog for this purpose, so be gentle. If I'm not mistaken, every post I've ever written has been for the readers entertainment, rather than my own true expression or outcry. Today is a little different.

In 2007 my grandmother died. Wasn't a big deal at the time to be honest, but I've found myself thinking more of her recently. My grandmother was a common character in my life from when I was a baby until I was 20. She wasn't anyone that I really looked forward to seeing, but I spent a lot of time with her and my grandfather throughout my childhood. She was super nice but she just wasn't anything special. She never showered me with gifts or offer me any real-life advice. She only liked to watch old movies and listen to old music, and when you're a pre-teen boy, you don't find that kind of person very fun to be around.

When I turned 21 I was living on my own, had found new friends and was working full time. I pretty much stopped talking to my family because I didn't feel any real reason to still keep in contact with them. Sounds harsh, but I was very young and that's how I felt. The last time I saw my grandmother was at my aunt's wedding in 2002 and the only thing I remember about it was that she told me she had bought me christmas presents from christmas two years ago but forgot where they were now.

In 2003 she left me a few voicemails on my phone saying that she missed me and she loved me; something that she'd never said before. She left the voicemails because my mom had given her my number and she was in the hospital sick with pneumonia. I never returned her calls.

In 2007 I decided to call my mom and see how she everyone was doing and she told me that my grandma was in the hospital again and I could visit her. I called her room at the hospital and she was so happy to hear from me but it was almost as if I was talking to another person. Her voice sounded a bit slower and faint, devoid of the spunkiness she always had. I told her I would visit her that Thursday but I never did.

About 6 months later I got a call from my mom saying she had died. I went to the funeral and felt sad but not too bothered. I mean I always loved my grandmother, but her death or her absence didn't ignite any emotion past melancholy.

It's now been a few years since she's died and I've began to miss her. You know what made me realize I miss her so much? I was driving down a road I never take, and I passed this little run down diner that used to only be open for breakfast. When I was a little kid she used to take me here once in a while when I'd stay over on a weekend. We'd order toast and eggs and every time we went, they would take forever to bring out our food. We'd always wonder what took them so long, and we'd get mad and complain to ourselves about how hungry we were. It happened so often that it became fun, and was our own little ritual. I can remember spinning the lazy-susan on the table and fighting over who got the strawberry jelly preserves too. Now every time I make toast or eggs for breakfast I start to miss her, and these other little things that keep popping up in my memory make me realize she was a much bigger part of my life than I thought.

I cut open a grapefruit one morning and remembered that she was the one who taught me how to cut a grapefruit so you can eat it with a spoon (and to make sure to put sugar on it). She showed me how to play gin-rummy, solitair, war, canasta, and how to use a record player. She told me that the dotted lines on the road meant you could pass the car ahead of you, and I was always in charge of "letting her know when the lines changed to dotted". She showed me how to cut across neopolitan ice cream so that you got all 3 flavors in one scoop.

I'd like to remind any of you who are reading this that you should appreciate the ones in your lives that have given you irreplaceable and invaluable memories like these. Reflect on them once in a while if you find the time. A year ago I would have scoffed at any question about what my grandmother did for me. Now I can't go a day without passing a run down diner, a deck of cards, or the yellow lines on the pavement without being reminded of her.

Just look at that old bitty. She was always boasting about how proud she was to be a female firefighter during WWII. Yeah well whatever, grandma I'm rich now and I can buy whatever I want. But all I want to do is buy us breakfast and complain about the wait one last time.

"This is a place where dreams fade away and nightmares begin" Part 4

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 20:45:00 +0000

This is part four of a series on abandoned hospitals/sanitariums/psychiatric wards that have been taken by "motts" at opacity.us

I'm VERY much in love with abandoned buildings and could stare that them for hours, wondering what they were like when in use. About two years ago I came across a site named opacity.us and I've probably spent 20 hours looking through every single one of his thousands of images of different creepy abandoned hospitals, sanitariums, asylums, psychiatric centers, etc...

His site says that he doesn't mind reproducing his images on a non-profit site so long as they are credited to him, so please keep in mind that I haven't taken any of these images and they all belong to "motts" at opacity.us

If you have the same morbid curiosity as I do, you're going to LOVE these images, and there are hundreds and hundreds more on his site that you can explore. Every place he visits has a story that he's detailed as well as the history of most of the buildings. Also, each image on his site have comments and many knowledgeable people will often comment on what type of machines/devices/rooms are in the pictures.

You can find part 1 of the series HERE

part 2 of the series HERE.

part 3 of the series HERE

This is a collection of random pictures that I really like from the expeditions at opacity.us

Make sure to see the next 3 parts of the series if you want to see some pretty gruesome and interesting finds.

"This is a place where dreams fade away and nightmares begin" Part 3

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 18:58:00 +0000

This is part three of my series on abandoned hospitals/sanitariums/psychiatric wards that have been taken by "motts" at opacity.us

I'm VERY much in love with abandoned buildings and could stare that them for hours. About two years ago I came across a site named opacity.us and I've probably spent 20 hours looking through every single one of his thousands of images of different creepy abandoned hospitals, sanitariums, asylums, psychiatric centers, etc...

You can find part 1 of the series HERE

part 2 of the series HERE.

mummified cat

AUTOPSY THEATRE

in case you missed it, the above few photos are of an autopsy theatre in the UK.

"This is a place where dreams fade away and nightmares begin" Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 18:36:00 +0000

Interesting title, no? I was never sure much if my readers would be interested in this kind of stuff, but I've come across a few posts over the last year or so with some bloggers mentioning how they like seeing abandoned buildings and ruins.

The Pines Hotel (Catskills Region, NY)

Bennett School for Girls (Hudson Valley Region, NY)

The shot above is particularly entertaining, can you imagine playing there as a kid and seeing that building?

Hewitt State Hospital and Prison (Undisclosed location)

Yes the above shots are of a morgue.

Malone Psychiatric Center

Padded room above.

Th"""This one room is full of patient belogings - piles of stuff just rotting away. Most of it was just junk, but some of it contained personal items like diaries, wallets, and shaving razors, some stuff dating back to the 40's and beyond. Much of it was seperated by bags, looking through them was like seeing someone's entire life stripped to the bare bones and then crammed into cheap plastic. I guess this is what happens to your stuff if you die and no one claims your personal belongings."

Cliffside Mental Hospital (undisclosed location)

Pilgrim State Hospital (NY)

apparently up to 2,000 lobotomies were performed here.

above is an autopsy table in the morgue

Undisclosed hospital

below is a picture of an an autopsy viewing theatre

Letchworth Village Home for the Feeble Minded and Epileptics (NY)

Renwick Smallpox Hospital (Roosevelt Island, NYC)

"This is a place where dreams fade away and nightmares begin" Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 18:33:00 +0000

Broadacres Hospital (Utica, NY - demolished now)

I decided to start off with this one because I've visited this myself prior to it being demolished a few years ago. -Mr C.

Glenn dale Hospital (Washington D.C.)

How creepy would it be to see this water filled hole in the basement, or to fall into it?

Childrens morgue

Tuberculosis Sanitarium (NY)

This was converted to a psychiatric center in 1960 and abandoned in 1993

Pennhurst State School (Pennsylvania)

"The patients at Pennhurst were mostly young and were often collectively called "children," however the age of the residents ranged from infants to people over 70 years old. They were generally separated by their IQ level, which was categorized into three main groups: Morons (59-69), Imbeciles (20-49), and Idiots (below 20). These medical terms were antiquated before they became popular in common slang, and were replaced with the terms: Mild, Moderate, Severe, and Profound Mental Retardation. The lowest functioning patients were mostly bed-ridden in cribs, unable to move much or feed themselves."

"Any decaying structure that has once harbored children seems to become the loneliest place on earth. Perhaps it is the happy paintings on the walls flaking and melting into grotesque shapes, or the once brightly colored toys and dolls turning dull and rusty in a stagnant pool of water.

But Pennhurst, where children were unable to control their actions and incapable of defending themselves, seemed like a seething pit of despair to many long before it's doors closed. The stories of abuse and neglect swim through your head while walking the pitch black tunnels that connect the buildings together. Relics left behind can only tell a part of the story; children's Halloween costumes rotting in the attic, sheets and clothes strewn about, and wheelchairs and gurneys with restraint straps at their sides are only shadows of the people who have lived their entire lives withing the confines of these wards." - written by the photographer at opacity.us

"In the basement was a very creepy playroom, pitch black, and flooded."

"The door was labeled "men", but the pink paint threw me off. And what's with the stairs to the window? The whole institution had the most awkward and baffling layout I've ever seen."

Gravesend Asylum (undisclosed location)

Northwood Asylum (undisclosed location)

"This abandoned asylum still shows the scars of violent mental illness within its decaying back wards... this is a place where dreams fade away and nightmares are born." - the photographer of these images at opacity.us

casket

"As a Funeral Director I'm amazed at this image. This style of casket is long extinct and to see one in this condition is eerie in the extreme. I wish I could examine this more closely." - from a commenter on the site

RANDOM PHOTOGRAPHS FROM OPACITY.US

check out the 1st part and the 3rd part of this series to see more.

Allentown NY. A true tale of inbreds and mutant rednecks.

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 01:24:00 +0000

I live in Upstate New York.

Whenever I talk with someone that doesn't live in New York State and they ask where I'm from, they always assume that I live in New York City. In fact, they usually think that New York State is just one gigantic city that stretches thousands of square miles, but most of the fucking state is the Adirondack mountains, which are as rugged as you'll ever see in some other retard state such as Wyoming. There are cities, farms, swamps, marshes, flatlands, valleys, lakes and backwoods rednecks that would make a Kentuckian look like a big city slicker. So let me tell you a little story about a place called "Allentown"...

Early in the 19th Century two families, the Allens and Kathans, settled in the Southern Adirondack Mountains of New York State. By 1960's their descendants had isolated themselves in a remote hollow high in the mountains. Below lay the great Sacandaga Valley. Its rich lands rapidly filled with farms, factories and mills.
By the end of the century, the Allens and the Kathans had intermarried: all the residents in the Hollow were related. Because of their isolation, misunderstandings developed between them and the outside world.
The economic disasters of the 1930s shut down the factories and mills. In 1932 the Sacandaga River was dammed, flooding the fertile valley below the Hollow. Forced from their homes, the valley residents sought employment elsewhere, but the Allens and Kathans chose to remain up in the mountains.

-Excerpt from an article on Allentown, NY

I started hearing about this place in the Adirondacks called "Allentown" and how it was full of inbreds like in the movie "Wrong Turn". It kind of interested me but I never really looked much further into it until over a year or so I would randomly hear more and more about it, and people all starting to say the same things about it. Anytime I'd ask where it is, I'd always get these vague answers because no one could ever really tell me where it was (probably because they had just heard about it as well, never actually going there.)

Well finally I looked on a map and found exactly where it was (which wasn't as easy as it sounds). I started talking to more and more people about it and it just started to sound scarier and scarier. It's about a two hour drive from where I live, so I wasn't prepared to just go there on a whim, but I definitely planned to at some point.

I've made three trips to this godforsaken place, and I'll probably only make one more (only to photograph it). It's an extremely scary place for an outsider to go into and I'd NEVER recommend anyone trying it unless they were prepared to possibly get trapped in. I'm not even joking one bit. Allentown is composed of two main roads that are dead-ends and have NO excuse for traffic other than people who live there or people attempting to see what this horror-ville is about.

I drove through it with two different witnesses and saw a man walking with a head the size of a pumpkin, and a girl in a truck that had a face shaped like a banana. I saw some 'kid' that looked like lurch with his hands reaching down to almost his knees and got stared at by every inbred shack dweller on the road. I also noticed that as you go up the main road, every mailbox says "ALLEN" on it. That is why it's called Allentown, because two families (the Allens and the Kathans) have just incested each other over the last few generations. Don't believe me? In 1975 there was a documentary made called "The Hollow" which you can view here and is a story all about Allentown. By the way, Allentown is only a word given to the area by outsiders, the insiders call it "The Hollow" which is fucking creepy if you ask me.

Now this movie is in fact almost 30 years old, but let me tell you, this place hasn't changed much. Actually, the kids in this movie are the real scary fuckers, which are now grown into the adults that live there.

Here's some nice excerpts of wisdom from the mouths of the Allentown Elders...

"I'd rather kill a human than one of those animals. At least a human can talk you out of it."

"And the lord said you should multiply. And he didn't say with who with. So it don't make any difference who we multiply with. Boy I'm a gonna fulfill his words, I'm a gonna multiply...."

There's a lot of wild shit in this documentary. A guy says "Now a woodsman, that takes a real education. That if you ain't careful, you might get a tree fell at ye."

A New York Times article written about The Hollow mentions how they "police themselves" and that cops or firemen really don't go up there. I spoke with an EMT that lived nearby and he said that is definitely true.

By far, The Hollow is scariest fucking place I have ever been and has many mutants living there that I've seen first hand. If anyone has more stories that they've experienced, please comment! Also, if an Allen reads this and is offended, I'm sure there are some good people up there, but when you have 150 years of inbreeding and isolation, you live in a creepy mutant village foremost.

This is the trailer for the film "The Hollow"

Here are still pictures I found on a website from when the documentary was taken...

Watch the movie and you'll shit yourself when you see the opening lines. I have to get back there and get photos of these mutants in their shacks one of these days. I have some more inside information, but unfortunately cannot post it publicaly. Email me if you want to hear more!

Now stop assuming that New York State one gigantic city.

Trailerpreneur

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 16:14:00 +0000

Before you flame me about making fun of trailers, keep in mind that I know there are very nice ones and nice people that live in them, but those kind aren't entertaining. And not very profitable either. I like profiting from trailer people because they are so easy to swindle and reckless with their meager income.

I'm opening a rent-to-own custom painted trailer business that will make us millions. We're going to buy up a bunch of shitty single wide trailers and finance them through manual labor, disability check payments, and possibly blowjobs if the wife is hot enough and the rent late enough.

I've designed two so far, and found two qualified families to inhabit them. I have to say that it wasn't very difficult to find people that are searching for these beautiful trailers that make a bold statement. I know what trailer people like and what they're willing to pay for, it was just a matter of making sure they had enough in their disability checks to pay that fucking rent.

The Gordon family had placed an ad on the community board in a gas station that I had spotted while I was buying some condoms.

They said they were looking for a bigger trailer to house their expanding family and large nascar memorabilia collection. I verified that they had enough in their disability checks to cover the rent and considering they had two kids with slow learning behavior, they were getting extra social security checks so it was perfect.

Not surprisingly, when I gave them the catalog of trailers that I had designed, they went with the "Earnhardt".

I added an extra few thousand for the upgrade but threw in some free jars of miracle whip and used snow tires to seal the deal right then and there.

Our next family is Jim Wendell and his "fiance" Carrie Dugwalt. They plan to get married soon but they're waiting for the baby to be born before they can start saving up for a proper wedding at the court house.

I found this couple through an ad on craigslist where they were looking for a place to live that was preferably located near a food pantry and a moto-cross track. I quickly found a plot of shitty land near a moto-cross track but no food pantry. Instead I contacted one of the best trailer-nutrient headquarters of the world and struck up a deal.

Now they have all the sustenance they need, and still have money left out of their disability checks to pay for cheap booze and obviously the fucking rent.

They were a little concerned that the yellow color wasn't going to match their country setting but who the fuck cares when they're getting a lifetime supply of the 'veeta included. What trailer person can deny a sweet ass deal like that? Now pardon me while get back to designing some more trailers.

Do you HATE being called certain names?

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Mon, 20 Dec 2010 15:32:00 +0000

Going into a convenience store or similar places where they hire strictly mensa candidates, I always seem to get called "boss" or "champ" by the life-form that rang me out.

"$15.17 boss" or "is that it boss?"

I hate that shit. How can you be so stupid to say those things? Sometimes I just want to wind up their little micro-brain and give them a chance at life but that would require too much time to spend with these better-off-lithopedians.

Maybe I'm taking this too far, but I think you understand how this can be annoying. It doesn't necessarily have to come from a stranger either, it can come from people you know very well. Here's a list of those terms of endearment that some people don't mind and some people hate.

Man
Bro, Brah, Brother
Guy
Boss
Champ
Hun, Hon, Honey
Babe, Baby
Dear
Doll
Slut
Darling
Sweetheart, Sweetie
Mami, Ma

I'm not saying all of these are bad, I'm just saying that some of these may REALLY piss some of you off if people call you one of them. Do you get pissed when people use any of these names? Tell us your stories of some loser who called you one of these and how much it upset you.

I think you have to match the personality of the person to the term of endearment. If you want to just play it safe, I'd just use #10 by default.

edit: also I just remembered, my best friend in high school used to get called 'poopie' by his girlfriend.

I've created a theorem. Can you give me your opinion?

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 00:19:00 +0000

One great thing about the blogging community is that it seems like most of us are fairly intelligent. Some of you are probably saying "well I'm not very smart" but I really do think it takes a certain amount of smarts to maintain a blog for a while that's good enough to attract others and whatnot, so I'm deeming you smart.

Anyways, I think I have created my own theorem and I need your help to tell me if it sounds legit. I got in a argument with a friend a few weeks ago over this and he swears that in no way it's true but I just can't see how it's not 100% accurate.

"No one can purposefully buy something for equal or more than they feel it's worth at that time."

Say you're really craving a Kit-Kat bar and you go to a gas station to buy one but you see they are selling for $15. Most likely you're not going to be buying that candy bar because it's not worth it to you even if you were extremely hungry. Now if you hadn't eaten for 4 days and all the gas station had was one Kit Kat bar and it was $15 you may feel that it's totally worth it and gladly pay for it.

It seems we must subconsciously assign a maximum value to how much something is worth risking to get the reward, and we only make buying decisions when we feel we're getting a "deal".

What's so interesting to me is that it's just something that we CANNOT physically allow ourselves to do. We just can't break this rule ourselves no matter how hard we try. I don't believe any human can buy something that they feel is a worth less than what they paid for at that particular time. What's equally as interesting is that someone else could use your money easily and buy something that you feel was worth less, but you cannot do it yourself.

My friend argues that some super rich people will buy things that aren't worth what they paid just so they can show it off or gloat about how they own it. I think it's pretty easy to understand that they are buying those things because it's worth the reaction they get from people, which means in their minds at the time they bought that item(s), it was completely worth whatever they paid.

We so often fail to understand that people have their own perceptions of what things are worth and we can't be so easy to judge what they do with their money. This would also apply to a lot of decisions in life, if not every decision we make in life at all. Things are just worth more than what the risk was at the moment. This is why there are unplanned pregnancies, STD's, and red-headed stepchildren. That fire-crotch was worth it at the time to that particular horny moron.

Obviously I make fun of people in trailers and such, but I understand that these creatures actually enjoy living in that trailer, and that it's worth it to them (or was when they bought it). I can still make fun of them and I can maybe even make them feel that their trailer isn't worth anything, but at that moment when they decided to take out that rent-to-own agreement and fill it up with rented sectional sofas and velveeta nutrition, they felt it was worth even more than what they paid for it.

It's a really interesting concept to me because I can't disprove it and I can't even attempt to disregard the rule myself. Even if I purchasedt a tiny stone pebble that fell of a road for $5 just to prove myself wrong, I would be still following my theorem because it was worth me buying it to prove myself wrong (therefore proving my theorem correct, ugh).

Does this make sense? Is there ANY way to break this rule? Am I a genius now or something? Do I deserve like 50 you-know-what's?

I'm pretty sure everyone has a response to this one.

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 23:21:00 +0000

I'm 29 years old and it's been 12 years now since I slutted my way through High School (Then of course slutted it up even more in the Army and now slut it up as a "man of business"). Oh my, how the time flies.

I'm fairly certain that we can all relate to the experience of running into past friends,classmates, lovers,etc... and being surprised at what they've progressed into, no?

Hopefully you have been happy with what you've become but that's not really our point today; I just want to hear some stories about the people you've known that have changed drastically.

Did you recently run into the loser who was voted "most likely to succeed" and find him working at a gas station and he gave you some hilarious tall tale about how he actually owned it?

Have you awkwardly ran into an old flame that used to be gorgeous, but now drives a rusty minivan, has 4 kids, has 4 teeth, and has less than $4 in bj value?

In the newspaper recently did you see an old friend getting arrested for something embarrassing?

Extra points about past lovers, but any retard will do. Let's hear some!

When I feel like a blog loser, I have to look deep within.

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 16:46:00 +0000

Often I get sad in the pants when I visit blogs and notice I'm not on their blogrolls anymore. Can't say I blame them though.

Whenever I feel lonely I just find solace in the tattered trailers that litter Upstate New York. They always cheer me up. Trailer creatures puttering around their menial slice of the American dream, hair all bedazzled with two teeth hanging out of their head. Trailer women with so much makeup they look like rodeo clowns.

Look at that gorgeous piece of architecture above. Must have been built to the standards of a very demanding individual in order to convey his sense of prestige.

Within walking distance of a fine trailer community I noticed this beauty. Looks like she stuck a balloon in her ass, then deflated it.

I love the kangaroo crossing t-shirt. Denim was a wise choice in holding back that FUPA, although I'd suggest hyperstrength Dacron or something with the strength and vigilance of ten mules.

This homeowner is obviously a man of intellect, running the camper's septic line right down into the basement of the trailer. Oh wait, there's no basement because trailers just sit atop the ground like a dumpster!

What is the probability of this trailer inhabitant being a stage 5 pedophile? Considering that this van is parked next to his trailer, I'd say just about the same probability as this guy ever becoming worth more than the nicotine filled air he's breathing.

I drove past this modern sports car for sale near a trailer park and oh how I only wish I had the cash. $10,900 really seems kind of high though, no? Maybe if I offer $10,500 and not a penny over!

One of the reasons I love shitty homes is that I make a tidy profit from them. This is a fine example of the thought level that these indigenous povertians possess. "Yes Mr Homeowner, can't you see by putting in a $4000 solid oak door, you're home will be worth at least $440,000!"

Nestled in the beautiful foothills of the Adirondack mountains, lies this superbly engineered mobile home that can accommodate even the most discriminating buyers. Feel the cool autumn breeze whip through your home and bite you in the ass as while waking up to take your morning shit on the trailer toilet.

Even throughout the Catskills and Adirondacks of this Yankee state, it's never uncommon to find a confederate flag proudly displayed on these fine homes. One of these mensa candidates recently told me, "If he walks like a fag, he's either British or gay."

Lastly here are two losers in love. Nothing like trailer love to warm a cold soul.

(by the way, yes of course I have taken all these pictures myself)

Beaver Pelt

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 17:22:00 +0000

I promise to post some good stuff soon.

yearh rignh!

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 05:00:00 +0000

haha it's boeen so long since I've blogged but know i have the time nd I'm ready. I don't want to you miss me because I'm always here I just always think i'm going to blog somehing oh ell!

there's been lot of a losers and i've been horny to the 939th degree lately so be patient/ ]]\\

do you want to see a loser Isaw the other day ad I took a picture of him?

gHhH i would edit it beter but I'm really laughting and in no plsition to do oso. the guy is driving without a door on his car!~ DING FRIES ARE DONE/.

if only I could get half of you to send me pictdures of your boobs I would be so happy because i only have like 5 of your boobs on file and I could use more.

On other news, I have been high stakes pokering it up lately

dthese chilean minors are hilarious, i mean how tough could it have vbern;ly een. sittin in a dump of a mine for a few days and playing fi odeo game.s did you hear the one said tha t'what goes on in the mine stays in the mine. is this guy mentioning the FACDT tha t they slutted eathcoether up? i mean really what else could that mean. it probably menat that they were thoughinking they were due to die so they decidedto bang eachtoehr and become gay. I'm sure there are no prositutes down in chile mines.

I LIKE GIRLS THAT ARE EDIBLE AND BEDABLE.

Here's a picture of a flower and a babbling brook. Yeah right.

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 04:40:00 +0000

I think photography is wonderful. It does however get tiring to see pictures of things that have been rehashed over and over like a country landscape or a winding road. The least you could do is throw a trailer or something in there. Sigh.

Not to say I'm some kind of photography snob, because I'm not, but I really just love looking at pictures that are interesting. My favorite images to look at are ones that make you either ask questions, feel sad, feel happy, or wish you were there.

I've narrowed the photo contest I held down to 7 selections that I thought were the best and I'll post them this weekend. (OK, only 7 of you submitted anything so I didn't really kick anyone out.)

In the mean time, here's some pictures I've taken (some have been posted long ago) that I think you'll find interesting and hopefully inspiring. Click on the pictures to see them enlarged.

I remember I couldn't resist taking a picture of this lonely building. In a run down part of town you see this old factory building that probably was teeming with workers a half century ago. The tilted electric pole just adds to the loneliness and demise.

The poor girl sitting in front of the boarded up door and the sign of the vacant bar just was too good to pass up.

Just makes me laugh.

This is an abandoned psychiatric hospital that is near me. I've researched a lot about this place and there were some absolutely terrifying things that went on here. They invented the utica crib here and if you feel like shitting yourself, search "utica crib" on google and look at the images.

I really love infrared photography and here's a really wild example of it I took last year. The white "snow" you see on the ground and leaves area actually green (it was summer). In infrared, the greens turn white. I wouldn't be surprised if a goddamn unicorn came galloping by, stopped at the tree, and fucked it.

This is an HDR image of a grassy field (which also holds a VERY upsetting history that I blogged about before). HDR is a growing trend that you'll probably see more and more of.

I'm always looking for new ideas and I've really been smitten with using the tilt-shift effect in a completely new way. I wanted to come up with a way to make an image like it transferred through time part-way through the picture. The lonely guy in the scooter was perfect for this. I hope you enjoy it.

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And finally, this is one of my absolute favorite pictures I've taken. It took me some ridiculous amount of hours to get this to feel exactly the way I wanted. I can never pass by a rusted swing-set or an abandoned structure without feeling curious, sad, and interested.

Hopefully some of these pictures have given some of you inspiration when you're out taking photos of your own.

Losers as Art

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 21:29:00 +0000

This first picture makes me embarrassed just looking at it. I was on the hunt for losers recently and saw that there was some kind of play going on in this trailer town, so I checked it out and it was in the middle of these woods with a bunch of idiots supposedly putting on a performance of "Peter Pan."

I'm not sure why how they got such fine theatrical performers, it must be summer recess on Broadway or something?

Below is the quality of person that was aboput to sit down and view this fine performance. Obviously only the most discerning critics are found to be attending.

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(A fellow blogger sent me this fine image below)

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Finally, on a more artistic note, I thought I would add a few more ghostly images that I did. A few months ago I posted the first two below and had a few of you comment that you enjoyed them so I worked on some more.

Hope you've enjoyed :)

You can buy two packs of cancer sticks or you can get an autographed copy of this.

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 18:55:00 +0000

I've never been much a fan of poetry and I always hated reading poems that didn't rhyme. The only poems I really enjoyed were the ones by Ogden Nash. For example:

The Panther

The panther is like a leopard,
Except it hasn't been peppered.
Should you behold a panther crouch,
Prepare to say Ouch.
Better yet, if called by a panther,
Don't anther.

The Eel

I don't mind eels
Except as meals.
And the way they feels.

I used to think that "writing" was stupid and a wasted talent up until I discovered bloggers that I couldn't help but to read because it was actually captivating. If you've been following my posts for a long while, you're remember that I have never really read any novels or classic literature.

My experience with interesting writing is with the talented bloggers that I've been following the past couple years and I'd like to focus on one particular interesting person, Hannah Miet.

Hannah is a 20 something from New York and I've fallen in love (like many others) with her writing. Anyways, she has 3 days left until her kickstart funding for her book "Hello Absurd World: A Book of Five Minute Poems" is over. If you pledge just $15 then you get a signed copy of her book!

Whether you toss a few pennies her way or not, I'lll share some of my favorite excerpts from her blog over the past 3 years.

"I was 14 in the year 2000. It is unfortunate that my poetic skills were far superior back then. Example A:

Fuck dishwasher

Fuck fridge

Fuck air conditioner

Fuck dryer

Fuck pipes

Fuck water heater

Fuck you."

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"I just took an essay final with an unsharpened pencil...I think that pretty much defines my life right now."

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"But after a while, rain fell on the sidewalk, washing the dirt into the gutter. After a while, I had written enough and spoken enough and cried enough that my own voice was a comfort. I began to feel my heart again, beating like it always does."

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"and I’m still here, gone somewhere else."

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"Live in the air right before you land,

like an almost first kiss

that was better than your first.

Like the ice that’s melting

on the tip of your tongue, waiting

to drip down inside you."

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"I want everyone I pass on the street to be ok.
I want to beat the shit out of the past.
But really, I just want to be fucked in a field of grass.
I want to live in this city forever."

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Isn't she just beautiful through words? They basically suck you off.

Throw a few bucks to her publishing project if you can, if you can't at least leave a nice comment and tell me she's awesome.

Here's one more....

"I’ve loved so hard that the seasons changed

from summer to December

but I only love people who don’t love me

and I’m sorry if you remember"

Anything that has to do with contractors is usually a mess

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 17:15:00 +0000

Homeowners are always watching the home and garden shit on TV and think they are suddenly qualified as experts at construction and renovation. Contractors all tend to think they are experts too because they have the ability to swing a hammer in the air and drive a pickup truck that's usually in their wife's name. I've never really determined who was dumber but I have to think it might be the contractors.

Now don't get me wrong, I love the installers that work for me and they do INCREDIBLE work and I pay them a fucking fortune for it because they are invaluable, but I'm talking about contractors in general. Most of them are idiots, ex-cons, druggies, alkies, and 1/8th to 1/5th retard. A fucking 2x4 doesn't even measure 2" x 4", what does that tell you about the intelligence of the industry?

Anyways, it get's really funny sometimes when I look at trade magazines, brochures, catalogs, and tv shows. The fashion sense of these contractors can sometimes be downright hilarious. I'll share some of this nonsense with you.

Have you ever heard of the biggest moron contractor on TV lately, Mike Holmes? He has a stupid show called "Holmes on Homes" (very creative!) that dumb homeowners watch and view as a hero. He basically finds homeowners in Canada (obviously) that weren't happy with the way things went with their renovation. Typically they tell how they thought they were getting this great deal and then all of a sudden shit started leaking. Then Mike Holmes comes in and fixes everything for free and puts on a big theatrical peformance of how wrong the last guy was.

There's ads all over the place with his pictures plastered around toting him as this expert in basically anything. I love how they dress him up like he's some kind of Canadian Construction Diplomat. they put him in basically every outfit you can imagine. Look at this loser.

My favorite one of the pictures of him above is the one with the Denim Overalls and the striped lycra shirt underneath or whatever it is. That's just a good example of timeless fashion and elegance.

He even has his own magazine out now which I picked up recently, and there was an ad with a picture of a contractor and his family.

I couldn't believe the shirt I saw this guy wearing, so I zoomed it up for you.

I remember being in like 6th grade and kids would wear these "BUM EQUIPMENT" shirts. I'm pretty sure they haven't made one in about 18 years.

Most construction product brochures are full of pictures of happy homeowners doing things like fishing, swinging, playing, running after the dog, etc... Nothing to really do with the product itself. Well apparently this particular company had the brilliant idea of marketing these happy images incorporated with the product itself:

Above, she is just relaxing in an open field with a ratty chair and a mysteriously propped up window frame in the background. She looks like she's more interested in the camera man's ball sack.

Is she just testing the view out? At least they could have her look out through the window at the lighthouse, right? Or maybe photograph it while the lighthouse beam is forward so that we can save our eyes from this dumb idea of a picture.

You'll almost always find a minority place somewhere in these catalogs for good measure. Here above is of course an Asian family so that they don't look racist. I don't really feel bad for the people posing in these pictures, but I'm curious if they ever wondered what the point of holding the stupid window above a breakfast table on a beach wearing pj's and staring out it like there's an alien ship approaching was?

The carpet and the leather couch laying on a dirt work site really hammers home the point of this advertisement. Stupidity. Although I have to say that this one could somewhat make sense. If I was rich enough, I'd probably lay a persian rug and an imported leather chair down on the ground while they were building my home and have the pea brain contractor display each window to me for inspection. That guy isn't rich though and his house is small, probably like his weenie. I can't blame him for being more interested in the girls crotch though. Vagina trumps all.

This last one is great, it's a nice family with a down syndrome child thrown in purposefully. Sickos. At least they somewhat redeemed themselves by allowing you to mask your laughing at the down syndrome child by instead claiming you were laughing at the guys trendy jeans.

I really hate posting this kind of shit photography on my blog, even though it does make me laugh. I'd like to display a fine photograph that I took to compensate for these worthless images above.

Isn't that photo I took just awesome? I love those old station wagons with the "woody." There's not too many around anymore but I always try to catch one when I see one motoring around. Email me with a picture of your boobs please.

Haha!

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 16:22:00 +0000

Well the photo contest is still pending me getting all the photos together and making them presentable, as well as finding some time where I can seriously concentrate on them so that I can pick a WINNER! I'll display all your photos soon, be patient.

In the meantime, I haven't posted anything in a while so I really wanted to share with you some interesting events that have happened recently.

#1 - Littering is free entertainment.

I went to get gas the other day and I had my wallet inside my briefcase in the trunk, so I just went inside to pre-pay with cash I had laying around in the dash. The very nice cashier told me that if I put it on a gift card, it will save me 10 cents a gallon, so I said sure. He really went out of his way to explain how it will help me save pennies.

So I took the gift card outside, swiped it in the card reader and started pumping the gas. Then I had this stupid card in my hand so I had to get rid of it, but the trash can was far away so I of course threw it directly on to the ground.

Then I sat in my car on the phone for a little bit after I pumped the gas and the attendant came out and started sweeping all around. I figured I would stay right there for a bit and see if he would mosey on over to where I threw my card on the ground. Then after a few minutes of sweeping he came up right next to me and saw that card laying on the pavement. His broom wouldn't pick it up so he had to bend down like a loser and pick up the card that he went out of his way to help me get a few minutes earlier. He didn't even make eye contact with me, even though I was only about two feet away in my car. It was really fun and highly entertaining.

Event #2

I had to do some financing paperwork for a young couple last week. The husband had been up for a long time and was getting very sleepy. His wife told him to take a 20 minute nap and he did. Well I didn't know it, but apparently he's a REALLY bad sleepwalker and he came downstairs completely naked with his ass and penis like one foot away from me. He just stared at me for a second and it looked like I was staring at an alien. He then slowly turned his head and kept walking away.

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Do you have a funny sleepwalking story? Or sleep talking!? Or littering!?

Photo Contest - EXTENDED

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 01:19:00 +0000

I'm currently working on another post, but in the meantime I'd like to remind everyone about my photo contest!

I've extended the time another week for entries to come in, so take the best picture you can (up to 3 entries) of your hometown, or where you live currently.

I'm excited to pick a winner and show everyone's entries! Email the entries to trailerfun@gmail.com

PHOTO CONTEST! Open to all amateur photographers!

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 02:10:00 +0000

Hey everyone, first I'd love to express my thanks to everyone for crossing me into the 400 follower milestone!

I wish I could pass out free BJ's and PJ's but I'm too busy and too focused on other things. Like wacking it and pretend yachting. When I'm not busy working or wacking or yachting, I enjoy taking pictures of interesting images. I'd like to see what you have to offer too. Let me ask you two questions...

Are you an amateur photographer? Are you a follower of my blog?

If so, then you're invited to join my photo contest hosted right here at Mr. C's international talent showcase extravaganza!

I tried to hire Hannah Miet and Girl Interrupted to slut out the winning entries with some amazing words, but I failed to win them over. I even sent them a very large photograph of my wiener, thinking it would help, but it obviously didn't. Now they won't even return my calls or return the cash, chocolate, and jewels I sent them. Shit.

I'll run this contest again if we all have a good enough time with it, so let's all have fun with this!

Here are the rules:

No camera phone pictures
Be creative

That's it! Oh and you must include a title to your image and a brief description of it.

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The theme for this contest is going to be:

"Life in your town"

I'm continuously fascinated by how the blogosphere has connected us all when we live in often opposite corners of the world. I'm fascinated by the similarities, as well as the differences.

I'd like you to give us your best shot at capturing the town that you live in. By "town" I mean city/village/region or even country. Just give us a great image that captures the essence of where you live.

Entries need to be emailed to me by 6/29. I'll post the winner along with all the submissions on Monday, as well as a sharp award! I don't care if you use a regular digital camera, DSLR, SLR, or film camera, just make it good!

I'll be judging the entries on:

Composition
Context
How strongly it ties to our theme

Now, does this sound like a fun contest!? Make the camera your whore and bring us some good pictures!

You know you need a gay friend!

noreply@blogger.com (Mr. Condescending) — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 02:51:00 +0000

I am so helpful.

In the past, I've brought you:

We've made so much money on these ventures, Ahem... I have made so much money, hehe!

Anyways, after reading so many of you women's period driven rants I have come to the conclusion that most of you need a gay best friend, right? And guys, don't be against this because if you hook your girl up with a purely gay friend, she'll pretty much just come around you when she wants you to fuck her and that will be just about it! Wouldn't that be peachy?

If your girl has a gay best friend, you won't need to do any of that stupid stuff with her anymore (like talking!). She'll probably increase her blowjob skills by at least 35% too, so it's really the right thing to do.

But how does one find a gay best friend?

Enter Mr C's latest creation...

That's right, I am in the process of creating a gay friend matching site that will patch you up with your perfect gay friend. Gay BEST friend!

Just think of how great it's gonna be! No more lonely nights pigging out watching lifetime. Well, yes you can still do that but it will be so much better doing it with a gay best friend, right!? I'll suggest a few things you'll just love now being able to do;

Talk about periods
Talk about that bitch you work with
Talk about how you felt sad today
Talk about how you need to lose weight
Talk about how you wish you were more loved
Talk about that crazy outfit that girl you saw was wearing
Talk about how sexy that twilight guy is

These are just a few suggestions for when you select your new gay best friend. You can be sure that there will be plenty of shopping, cuddling, crying, and emotional moments that you will share with your new gay friend.

Guys, you can be friends with her new gay friend too, they don't bite. Just think of how awesome lesbians are. The only people who don't like gays are redneck inbreds and conservative old losers that probably sucked someone off a time or two in their life anyways, so don't hate.

Actually you can benefit from letting your girl befriend a gay man because she will probably get super horny around him but he won't want any of it, so she'll be sopping wet and all talked out by the time you come home after work, ready for you to bang her like a cheap screen door!

Here's some samples of some gay guys you can pick from ladies, I even rate them by Gay Factor, so you can be sure you're getting the gayness you desire.