aesthetic darkness

closing the board

2012-05-18T01:44:00.003+08:00

decades has been enough

my emotions joining these words

the doors must now close

locked and be in chains

and be written as the last

farewell my aesthetic darkness.

why?

2012-05-01T13:18:00.002+08:00

when times i am on the clouds

comes those ghosts of the past.

when i feel i am settled

comes those sudden change.

when i think i am doing right

comes those whispers of doubt.

when i see i am better now

comes the idea i am lesser than i know.

when i am on course for a life lasting love

comes those petty handfuls of hate.

"am i less better than being better?"

me

2012-04-28T12:47:00.002+08:00

"Voice as deep as satan's soul

Smile as sweet as mary's shawl

Hands crumpled in a chaotic brawl

Feet pacing then he falls

Head down on hot concrete

I'm staring at the blue half-moon

Then I remember the woman so sweet

Who'd left me all too soon

Do you have to fall to think of me."

"will just talk when u ask,

will just react when u want me to."

the

same

"leave me alone"

:-)

cast away

2012-03-20T20:44:00.001+08:00

what is it to be like or how would it be?

to place yourself in an island.
to lock yourself in darkness
to leave the once sanity you have
to embrace darkness and solidarity
to be void and be lower than any animal
to dream death and be dead

where is the old mozart?

2012-03-20T18:59:00.004+08:00

bursting blood within this heart
splattered against the wall
agony and despair echoes in silence
covered with the betrayal
humming along the corridors
of life and cold stillness
clown's laugh painting happiness
as an overture art to impress
and have life not be bothersome
stroking the brush and to form a masterpiece
using water as a paint under shady sun
adapting beliefs without a clear point
now the strokes are different
and doubting myself with good mistakes
and honest regrets.
and never again to trust a cross.

i will always love you

2012-02-15T10:05:00.001+08:00

times in our lives came to an end.
accepted the reality and
don't have to argue as each's fiend.
you have been part of me, someone He sent.
there are reasons why, reasons we should use to mend
in our hearts and in our minds.
we should be happy of what we have,
you found yours, and i found mine.
but this would never stop the care and
guidance to our good daughters.
they need you as how you needed care
guidance as how we were brought up.
i don't mind if what's with you,
and i don't mind the gap between us.
just "please" don't loose your patience as a mother.
our kids need you more, more than anything.

the dark creation

2012-01-13T11:43:00.002+08:00

mingling on the heights of heavens
one unique dark spot on the midst
of light and shinning angels.
not minding the troubles on the eyes
of the conservative guardians.

i, the dark creation,
damned and forsaken.
all wanted is a universal freedom,
to have circles to roam on,
speak without the fear of being damned.

though my soul is wrapped with sadness,
happy i am for passing and crossing your paths.
i may not be that good for the group standards,
but will redirect those who are seeking happiness.
and give spirit to those who are breathless.

i, the dark creation,
unworthy to be part of circulation.
all wanted is a universal freedom,
to look upon equally on everyone.
seek understanding on every minds.

faith would always be on doubt on your eyes
keeping calm with your unfavorable sights.
worry not, i'll just be a passer-by who soon leaves.
whatever the goodness taught, and affections
will always dwell on my soul, and is part of my standards.

i, the dark creation,
a flesh and weak with temptations.
all wanted is a universal freedom,
with no walls of discrimination.
will always remember how to be a human.

cycling curses

2012-01-09T01:53:00.003+08:00

once i thought it would be a great symbol,
good one to keep and have with wherever you would be.
no matter how simple, or how elegant it would be.
to wear it would mean a life, an overwhelming joy.
but then not all are blessed with that life nor joy.
a redundant fluctuation of what has been started,
a ghost in life that fills me curses and damnation.
and snaps me again and again, and again.

"ring"

oblivion

2012-01-03T15:23:00.001+08:00

there are thoughts sought to be undying.
notes in mind brought out to be soothing.
they are, and they will always be hanging.
sighs in life, breathes for the emotional being.
signs to prove, i still kept a valuable realm.
or the so-called bond was still existing.
well, is it that convincing? most probably not,
even for an inch. it will take a lifetime to prove something.
a lifetime to make a heart mending. lifetime to adjust the heartstrings.
a forever to make you back on these arms.

2hrs

2011-09-06T22:25:00.002+08:00

time is like an infinite stance
on a journey energizing each
one of us to pursue our paths,
binding us to new realms
we can only pass on it once,
filling us with wisdom and ideals
and responsibility for the young ones.

time is an enduring education
for each mind open for experimentation
on life, career, and emotion
enabling us to understand most situation
to grow and share our intuition

time is an inevitable challenge
on everything we decide to change
or every moment we want to retain

time is the one who will define our lives
who will define our beings
and will define us from life.

the sigh

2011-08-29T09:47:00.002+08:00

putting a dot on our beginning
anyone would say im crazy for doing
months past but still having
hard time getting over loving
is this my second time deeply falling?
a real love for so long im wishing?
are these regrets that i'm feeling?
still feeling my arms wrap around your being
wherein been too long i've stopped reaching
i'm still afraid your voice i'll be hearing
still afraid of the end of what i'll be starting
silence.. that may help, i hope it will be helping.
but with you, i'm still longing.
with you, i keep on loving.

going under

2011-08-16T20:38:00.003+08:00

events have screwed up
hollow mind seeking hope
from antiquities of barren life
defied the spirit laws and harmony
and dumped a honey filled heart
believing that heart would freed
from the gnashing love sown from the dead
amplifying the solitary plead
screaming for more hate
crying for more heartbreak
tormenting this flesh til it bleed

white flag

2011-08-16T20:08:00.003+08:00

months have rolled
silence still ripples
waiting for the drought
and for the tormented hearts
to settle and be mended
things may have been failed
to shed tears on what we've left
and whisper with ourselves
our fault, we should have stayed
all things can be discussed
misunderstandings can be settled
i'm sorry, months of being silenced
months of us not being part of our lives.

the silence

2011-07-06T23:19:00.002+08:00

drilling the crystals of hydrogen
into the depths of my plain haven
to be back on my shell again
for a deep sleep and shields be hardened
and my fading soul be darkened

no more.. no more...
:)

.♥.

2011-06-25T14:34:00.001+08:00

Someone's gone away
Forever
Someone's gone away
Too soon
Did they take him
Up to Heaven
Or did they take him
To the moon?
Nobody answers
Sll her questions
So she gazes at the skies
Maybe someday
When she's all
Grown up
She'll join them
In their lies.
And just before
She turns away
She crafts a little smile:
"someday i will take this flowers to the sky."

.♥.

2011-06-18T18:06:00.006+08:00

it's her hair and her eyes today
that just simply take me away
and the feeling that i'm falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good way
all the times i have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair
and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say
coz i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
coz she’s all that I see and she’s all that I need
and i'm out of my league once again

it's a masterful melody when she calls out my name to me
as the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes
and i feel like i'm falling but it's no surprise
coz i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i'd rather be here than on land
yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again

it's her hair and her eyes today
that just simply take me away
and the feeling that i'm falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good way
all the times i have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair
and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say

coz i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i'd rather be here than on land
yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again

.♥.

2011-04-25T21:12:00.007+08:00

"Ngayon ikaw ay nagbalik
At tulad ko rin ang iyong pananabik
Makita ang dating kanlungan
Tahanan ng ating tula at pangarap
Ngayon ay naglaho na
Saan hahanapin pa?"

sa bawat yapak ng bukas,
anino'y kayakap ng iyong bakas.
duyan nang iyong kahulugan
ang buhay na aking kulungan.
sa bawat sulyap sa kanluran
kasabay mga bulong ng ating kahapon.
mga namuong pangarap'y dumadampi
sa bawat luhang nananaghoy sa ngiti'y nakakubli.
tumitigil ang lahat ng katwiran
sa t'wing alaala'y sasaglit at ako'y hahagkan
at sa bawat hinaharap na hininga'y
kalungkuta't aninong tumatangis yayakapi't siyang aagapay.

:'(

Blue Valentine

2011-04-24T00:40:00.003+08:00

a sad story of a rebound lover turned to husband, tragic and inconsiderate.

late

2011-04-04T00:43:00.004+08:00

it was then that temper has risen
and moment has blinded you to listen
i know it was not right to keep you waiting
but with this test i can do nothing
your stares together with your silence
coldness that i couldn't bear within
sat at the corner, til i ran out of patience
i didn't mean to, and thinking i mustn't have been
i'm sorry, really sorry, next time no more waitin
thank you for listening, and the little book you've given
helped us alot and drove us away from colliding
mem-umur? the freaking stare? things that made us laughing
few hours that made us a day, completely as i am wishing

the candle

2011-03-30T09:46:00.005+08:00

with the immense silent darkness
one courageous candle rippled its flares
lighting up the vacuumed space
showing how wonderful it is
to be seen on light's shades
how interesting it is
to be known with light's flames

with the totally knitted shadows
the candle stood up and glows
casting hues on the infinite walls
incarnated glistening smiles
reminding and teaching the basics
of life, of love, of the realities
and dwindling life and soul's hopelessness

cookie monster

2011-03-19T01:46:00.002+08:00

sweet as a butter cookie
living life happily
with thoughts of being silly
paints smiles to his honey
uneven moods others would see
filling the day with talks so lovely
dreamed remaining life to be happy
funny in ways he don't seemed to be
just to complete the day of his honey
teasing and laughing from the jealousy
play with temper's mood nicely
and sway the emotions soothly
a warm cuddle moving their hearts closely
with sparkling eyes blushes the scenery
resting their hands together warmly
and paint a slow paced chuckle to end the day.

past server 1

2011-03-19T01:34:00.005+08:00

i did not existed all along
i wasn't there where i thought i belonged

"what will i lose? i wont lose something i dont have or never had. do what makes you happy. don't use me as a reason for what you do..."

duped, taunted, laughed at, disowned
my belief now, can't do anything about it
because it is as simple as doesn't care, all along.

:) i'll just paint a smile to remember those things.

dosage is gone

2011-02-20T10:38:00.006+08:00

with the illness and pain
medication drips and be in vain
addicted and crippling the sane
now numb and uneasy membrane

the power of every drop
with every electric zap
embezzled life's gap
to fill and heal the crack

everything's meaningless
whirling sorrows and griefs
hallucinating for joy and laughters
to have a so-called life upbeats

used to nurse the soul
and gave bath to feverish whole
with tenderness and passion's shawl
lovely feeling sought till i fall

emotions

2011-02-18T00:14:00.003+08:00

i'm tired of writing
i have to stop believing
and deny, air's existence,
love's romantic definitions,
positive outlook in living,
and longed life have been dreaming
words are not persuasive for faith
actions are not good enough to hope
i'm tired, and want to rest
in silence, deep in my darkness.

why do i love you

2011-02-13T13:59:00.004+08:00

you're walking with me
even in the most risky journey
you talk to me
even when everyone shuns me
you want to be with me
even complex life runs through me
you rest on me
all the time, specially when you're lonely
you cuddle me
even though i'm sleeping and empty
you share the air you breathe with me
if times death is coming upon me
you give me light
even in my darkness where i flee
you want to touch me
whenever i'm happy or lonely
you love spending time with me
even though you're always busy
you cry for me
when my tears cannot flow freely
you work hard for the best
in order for you to please me
you believe me
even though everyone lost their faith on me
you paint smiles on me
whenever i'm tired and so snappy
you always miss me
even you're always with me
you love me
despite of my flaws and being crazy

"i will always love you",
whispers and murmurs on my darkness.
i may be away for all of the days,
my heart and soul are always with you.
longing to be together and serve my love
to be the sole heir and lover of my heart
for a lifelong love you worth
till our souls will depart above.

i love you.
i love you so much.

:')''' 14-feb-2011 happy heart's day....