AFDesi: A Brown Man's Journey to PUA

Astrid Bergès-Frisbey: The Next Hot Thing

noreply@blogger.com (minava) — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 07:10:00 +0000

Astrid Bergès-Frisbey is going to be one of the stars of the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie, On Stranger Tides, the fourth installment in the series.

Damn. Per Wikipedia, "Astrid Bergès-Frisbey (born 26 May 1986) is a Spanish-French actress, currently residing in France. In 2008 she made her feature debut in the film Un barrage contre le Pacifique. In April 2010 it was announced that she would play a mermaid in the 4th installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise due out in 2011. Astrid Berges-Frisbey also led the Spring summer advertising campaign for French Connection as the woman." YES - it's true: she is THE woman. Or, she's gonna be soon enough.

Not only that, but they've replaced Keira Knightley with Penelope Cruz - ooo heck yea. OMG, if you haven't already, you HAVE to see Woody Allen's Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Not only does this movie have the usual Allen wit, it has Cruz at her loca chica bonita best AND a hot makeout scene with none other than Miss Scarlett Johansson (the recent divorcee). Haha, I can't help myself, but that just reminded me of Iron Man 2 and that first scene when Scarlett enters the boxing ring with the other dude and basically kicks his ass. Unfortunately, this little game of six degrees of hotness sadly ends with Gwyneth Paltrow, but whatever. She's not terrible actually, but I think she's got that rep of not being all that pleasant to be around. Oh well, whatever. It's that fine line between feisty and bitchy, and Cruz plays it to perfection. It's like that U2 song: the girl where you feel crazy with her and crazier without her.

The crazy thing is gonna be how much play this chick's gonna get in the summer of 2011. It'll be like what happened to Monica Bellucci when Matrix: Reloaded came out. Look out, here comes Astrid!

Are HBs The Root Of All Evil?

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 01:06:00 +0000

This quick proof would make us believe so...

A Thought Bubble Walks Into A Bar...

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 18:38:00 +0000

Check out: Seven Dichotomies In A Bar

Network Effects

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 01:47:00 +0000

Emmanuelle Chriqui

Network effects are the effects users of a good have on the value of the good for other users. For example, Facebook's value increases each time a person joins, because having a larger network makes it more likely for another new user to join. Over time, these effects can be significant. Consider Friendster, which may have been the first major social network. Since the quality was poor, fewer people joined, reducing the value of the network.

In social settings, network effects have several implications. First, they dictate how popular events are. If you know all your friends are going to Party A, but no one you know is going to Party B, guess which party you are going to go to? Obviously A. Why? Because network effects gave it higher value, independent of the venue or cost as compared to Party B. There are, of course, exceptions, but do not overlook network effects.

Another way to think about this is: where will the HBs be tonight? A party that has hot people attending is likely to draw even more attractive people to it. Ironically, a sausagefest tends to draw more sausages. If you understand this, you will be better able to filter out which parties will have a good male:female ratio and which ones won't.

The second area in which network effects matter, although not exactly in the same way, is reputations. If you can identify a social network, your reputation in that network will affect how all its members perceive. In a small network (say, 2 random girls at a bar), who cares if you annoy them? However, in a large network (say, a female co-worker among the 30 female co-workers you have), each member carries much higher value. You wouldn't want to piss off the female co-worker because she will trash you to all her friends, ruining the entire network for you.

Network effects work as a multiplier. Understand them, and you will multiply your own results. Onward, brethren!

Is LJBF Impossible?

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 02:21:00 +0000

Alina Vacariu: Supermodel? Could we ever "just be friends"?

Is "Let's Just Be Friends" (LJBF) impossible? It's a common question that many AFCs face.

The simple answer? Yes. Yes it is impossible.

But like, anything, there are exceptions. What you really want to ask yourself here is why would you want to be friends with this HB. What's the potential upside? Downsides? In my experience, there isn't much value in a LJBF situation. There's always the tension from before hanging over any interaction, poisoning it, preventing you from being your natural, relaxed self.

All this being said, why even pursue it? Well, in rare cases, a LJBF makes sense. Examples include, you have to work with the HB, she shares genuine interests with you (of a nonsexual nature), or she has lots of hot friends and she's happy to set you up with them. Heh, and of course there's the rare LJBF-but-really-lets-be-"friends with benefits." Generally speaking though, these are rare situations. In most cases, if a HB LJBFs you, tell her fuggedaboutit!

40 Unwritten Rules to Live By

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 01:44:00 +0000

There are many 'lists' out there of rules for guys, a man-code, or whatnot. Usually, I don't think much of them since most of the advice is obvious or common sense. I'm not going to claim this list is much better, but for some reason, I liked it. According to this list, there are 40 unwritten rules for guys. Here are the first 10:

1. Never ask a woman if she wants to have sex by asking her if she wants to have sex.

2. It is more important to have good health insurance than good health.

3. Don't bluff more than once in a poker game with friends.

4. When one of the big bosses at work unexpectedly says something really cheery and friendly to you, he means absolutely nothing by it. Not even if he's your father.

5. Wear as much black as you can. It makes you look slimmer and cooler. But avoid black jeans.

6. When someone in your family is going through a divorce, always side with the blood relative.

7. Pointedly praising something unusual a person owns or has done will make you appear far smarter in his eyes than a 10-minute discourse on world events.

8. Yes, speak softly and carry a big stick. But don't mumble. And don't swing the stick.

9. The man who can't dance, can't converse, and can't provide psychological support to a woman is only half a man; the other half can't cook, can't clean, and badly wants a drink.

10. Do not get a visible tattoo larger than your penis.

Keep reading to find out the other thirty.

The Interactive Singles Map

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 01:01:00 +0000

Jane Seymour aka the Cougar in Wedding Crashers

The New, Interactive Singles Map is a fascinating little site. The map shows the gender imbalance in major American cities, selected by age group. Basically, it explains why we all feel like every bar is a 'sausage fest.' That's because it is, no matter where you go!

Interestingly, as you increase the age, the imbalance tips the other way, towards female. In other words, it's cougar-hunting season, everywhere.

Innocent Indian Girls?

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 06:28:00 +0000

(Source: IHeartMakeup)

Take your typical American girl. She's seemingly proper at most times, but in the right situations, she'll laugh at a bawdy joke or perhaps even tell one of her own. Desi girls are a completely different story.

Comparing the Desi HB (DHB) and the non-Desi HB (NDHB) is a tedious task. One always risks over-generalizing. However, empirically, it seems to be the case that there is a clear distinction between the DHB and NDHB. The NDHB is much like the average AFC, but perhaps a little less explicit. The DHB though is anything but.

The DHB seemingly falls into one of three categories: prude, superficial prude, or slutty. The prude and slutty are self-explanatory, and usually make their personality evident soon after meeting them. The real challenge is separating out the superficial prudes from the true prudes.

Before we get into that, you are probably thinking: what is a superficial prude? Well, friends, a superficial prude is basically a desi girl who puts on the air of being a prude, but once you get into a salacious topic, she will continue to manifest her diffidence yet still be strangely engaged by it. A true prude would get flustered or leave the conversation, but the superficial prude keeps providing material or counter-arguing while trying to express 'disapproval.'

How to tell which DHB is which? Well, there are a few ways to go about it. Basically, you have to broach the topic in a way that provokes a response while not provoking one that's too charged. The three options I've used are to tease the girl as being a 'wild child' or something of that ilk. She'll deny it, but at least you're talking about it now. Secondly, you could tease her for the opposite reason: being a prude. If she claims she's not, you're in. However, sometimes this doesn't work as the girl sarcastically replies "Yea, you got me, world's biggest prude" or something like that, leaving you with little to go on. The last method is to simply ask a rhetorical question such as, Why do girls claim that guys think about sex all the time, yet spend so much time and money at places like Victoria's Secrets? Most girls will feel the need to defend their gender, by either saying that "It's comfortable!" or some other line of argument, but it doesn't really matter. If they engage, then they're not truly prude, and that's all you need to know.

Fight on, dosto!

Navi Rawat

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 20:29:00 +0000

Navi Rawat

Dosto, I'll be honest: I don't really have anything to say here, other than random things about Navi Rawat. She played a Hispanic girl on The O.C. for a season or two. What's interesting though is that she is half Rajput, half German, and all hot. Supposedly she's on Numb3rs too, but I have no idea what that show is.

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Thandie Newton And Body Language

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 15:32:00 +0000

Thandie Newton

Actress Thandie Newton has appeared in many popular films, but for some reason, I feel like this clip below will be her most memorable role for me. In it, she along with Ricky Gervais read lines from the new adult film Nailin' Paylin, which parodies the adventures of the Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin (the line reading starts around 2:00):

So why post it here? Well, while I won't claim this the singular act of thespianism this century, I do find it interesting how Newton uses her voice and language to convey the swagger and sexuality of Palin. Note how she sits up a little straighter, shaking her body from side to side in a spastic dance to convey the supposed ditziness of the governor. Contrast this Gervais body language, which he is using to convey his disappointment with his lines. Newton continues, her cherubic face smiling slightly brighter, perhaps due to the comedic nature of the bit, or perhaps due to the liberating nature of role-playing, which frees her to say raunchier lines than she herself would have said.

What does one take from this? Basically, all too often we focus on a HB's language without analyzing the non-verbal portions of her communication. In fact, nearly 70% of communication is non-verbal, but rather in the form of body language, tonality, facial expressions, posture, and other features. Next time you encounter an HB, try to pay as much attention to what her body is saying as you do to what her lips are saying.

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Buy "The Game" by Neil Strauss

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 02:00:00 +0000

"The Game" by Neil Strauss is simply the cornerstone of any PUA's knowledge base. This is the book that started it all. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: You must read "The Game" by Neil Strauss to have any understanding of what being a PUA is all about.

Other books and blogs (including this one) will have various bits of advice and variations on tactics and techniques. However, without understanding the basics as presented in this book, the rest of this advice is meaningless.

I know we've talked about this book before, but this bears repeating. That is all.

What Women Want

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 02:00:00 +0000

Lindsay Price

What do women want? A common question asked by all AFDs at some point, no doubt. However, what many guys don't realize is that the question is completely off the mark. The real questions should be: what does your woman want?

Think about it. Asking what does a guy want leads you nowhere. Some guys want to be left alone to watch sports; some guys want sex; heck, some guys just want other guys. The "guys" cannot be treated as one monolithic group. Why assume women can be treated as one generic category then? As cliche as it may be, the key to success with any woman is finding out what her unique desires are.

Now, that being said, some generalizations can actually be made. You must simply remember that they do not all apply to all women, or even to the same woman all the time. What women want generally falls in a spectrum from hunter to provider. The hunter is the prototypical alpha male: he is bold, strong, tough, oozes confidence, goes after what he wants, and always gets his mark. But, this hunter persona is not always the man for the job. Sometimes, a HB actually wants a provider. The provider is successful, calm, sensitive, complimentary, and compromises well. Depending on the situation, the provider will be superior to the hunter.

Look at Lindsday Price above. She's a young, attractive, confident woman. However, what does that really tell you? Does she want a hunter or a provider? The key to this is first, learning how to embody the ideals of both personas. After doing so though, the real challenge is learning when to utilize each persona in wooing your lady. Now, some might view this as deceitful, but the reality is that we all have aspects of both these archetypes within us. The challenge lies in perfecting these archetypes and then learning timing, when to apply each one.

I'll talk more about this in future posts, dosto, specifically on how to read your HB and when to apply each persona (or a combination of the two). But for now, best of luck!

How To Talk To Women, Part I

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 18:08:00 +0000

Keira Knightley just said hi to you. What do you say next? She's staring at you, waiting for your response... the seconds tick by ever so slowly...

Okay, so this situation is not very plausible, but each of us have our own "Keira Knightleys" in our lives, the women who intrigue us and perplex us, even if only for an evening. A major issue for a lot of us out there is how to get into that initial conversation with a HB. Our minds are already devising schemes and tactics, but often it is best to return to fundamentals. A nice smile, a simple hello will go a long way. After that, a compliment or just a casual observation will help expand the conversation. Still, these are tactics. What we need is a strategy.

The real problem with these initial conversations is that we often come off treating the woman as an object of desire, which ruins everything. The strategy here is to have a frame of mind that you talk to a girl the way you would talk to one of your old guy buddies. It sounds counter-intuitive but the reason it works is that if you act like they're someone you've known forever and are very comfortable around, then you'll feel more comfortable instantly, and guess what, they'll notice and feel more comfortable too. What is this all about anyway? That's right: creating comfort and rapport with the lady.

More to come, dosto. Courage, my friends.

GQ India Launches

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 03:05:00 +0000

GQ India

(Source: The Guardian)

GQ India launched recently. Why mention this here? Clearly, Western publishing companies are seeing a growing demand for increased fashion (in a Western sense) among India's up-and-coming set. Obviously, such a crowd has always existed, but now it is becoming more mainstream. What does it mean for you, another AFDesi?

More competition

So, enjoy these pictures from the launch party, but keep your wits about you, dosto.

Gossip Girl and the Importance of Reputations

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 02:00:00 +0000

Blake Lively

I have never seen an episode of Gossip Girl, nor do I really know who Blake Lively is. However, I am vaguely aware that this new show has become something of a hit for the CW.

Why mention it here? Simple. Even without knowing anything about the show, the title itself is enough to resonate with anyone who cares about social interactions. Everyone has seen or experienced the destructive power of gossip and how it can tarnish reputations. It can be relentless and without mercy. And, if we are honest, we all know we have had that feeling of schadenfreude when we hear through the grapevine of how the mighty have fallen.

Dosto, as you venture out there, especially in social circles that you have repeated interactions with in multiple settings (ie, classmates or work colleagues), be keenly aware of the insidious rumor. Rebut it strongly with evidence. Find the source and discredit it. Gossip is the rust that will ruin the solid iron of your reputation. It is corrosive and will eat away anything that you have built up over time and with patience. Don't think that HBs will simply take your word when you tout your accomplishments. They will ask their friends and other people about you if they have any interest. Hence, the importance of social proof. But, once you scratch beneath the surface of social proof, you find reputation. And that, my friends, is what you must defend at all costs.

Do not let gossip go unchecked for it has been the ruin of many a good man.

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First Impressions & Seeding

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 02:00:00 +0000

Dosto, Rani Mukherjee made quite a first impression on me. Now, no matter what type of movie she does, I am willing to give it a shot just based on that initial impression. Is she the hottest actress out there? Probably not, but it doesn't matter. My perception of her still stands.

Why do I bring this up? Well, as everyone probably knows, first impressions matter. But, I think people often take a simplistic view of this truism and do not realize both the power and potential of first impressions. The first point to note is that I said first impressions, plural. Sure, dressing well and having good eye contact and a nice smile help. But, even if that does not happen, you still have the first few minutes of talking to shape the HB's perception of you. It's pretty simple, really. Make strong eye contact, smile a lot, ask questions, and laugh at anything that is humorous in her response. Basically, maintain her attention, then break it after 5 minutes or so, with some line about having to leave but that you should meet up later on (a false time constraint).

Now, this is all well and good, but sometimes you just cannot meet up with the person. Or, the logistics do not pan out. A typical problem is that, knowing this beforehand, the AFC aborts before even approaching the HB. I suppose this is merely another variant of approach anxiety, but this is where the concept of seeding comes in. The idea of seeding is that you never know when you will run into this HB again, but since you probably will at some point, you should interact now so that in the future, you can refer back to this episode and give yourself an easy advantage.

This works for several reasons. First, on your end, if you know nothing will happen tonight, you should have less anxiety about logistics / the outcome. Just approach and have a good conversation, maybe get a #, and then exit. You don't even need the number really. Second, people tend to remember things positively, and erase / repress negative memories. Unless you crash and burn spectacularly, she will view you positively simply because she has met you before. In other terms, because she has met you before, she acts as her own social proof: "Well, I've met him before, and I don't remember anything negative about him, therefore, he must be a nice enough person to interact with." Last night, I basically had this type of experience with a HB I met nearly a year ago. Having seeded the interaction well previously, it was easy for me to slip into a familiar role with her, even though she had long since forgotten my name. I was not in the mood to escalate with her, but it was easy for me to hold her attention and then have her introduce me to her friends, thus social proofing me to them.

Remember, dosto, you create your own fate in social situations. Take charge, meet people, make good first impressions, and seed yourself. You'll thank yourself in the future.

FR: A Simple Guide to Getting a HB's Number

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 02:00:00 +0000

Aishwarya Rai walks past you on the street, talking on her phone. What do you do?

Once you get over your amazement, pay attention. If you can get the gist of her conversation, perhaps you may have an in. Who knows what would actually work with Ash, especially since she's married now, but the idea worked quite well for yours truly a few nights ago.

Outside a local bar, a friend and I spot a girl talking on her phone. She seems a bit lost / frustrated. Having had a few drinks, our boldness was perhaps greater than usual and we decide to approach the girl. Usually, this would not seem like a great idea as the HB was clearly occupied, but in this case, it paid off. When we approached, it was easy to tell that she was trying to give clueless friends some directions in order to get them to meet her. We just walked up to her and yelled "What's going on?? Are those fools lost AGAIN?" She looked up at us, and paused a moment...

We smiled.

She laughed and said "Yea, they have on idea how to drive 3 silly blocks." Money.

After this, I basically gave her directions, whipped out my phone with Google Maps and GPS on it, let her use it, then chatted her up after her call ended. My buddy wandered off to figure out where our group was headed. He returned in a few moments to say we were going to another bar a few blocks ago. Easy venue change set-up, so I just said to the girl "Give me your number so I can let you know how the next bar is. This place is dying." She happily gave it to me, and I indeed did see her at the next bar later that night.

The point here is that phone numbers should not be a big deal. I remember this used to be a big sticking point for me, and I was recently reminded of it when a friend S visited from out of town. He noted that he had gone to a wedding here, met some girls, danced with one and "even" got her number.

Even?! What kind of mentality is that, dosto??? Of course he should have got her number! You cannot think like this!

Take my FR. Total time from meeting to #: 5 minutes. Do not place any value in a phone number. It's the same as asking a person their name. If you can get a girl's name, you can get her number. Now, about asking Aishwarya Rai her name... heh good luck acting like you have no idea who she is =)

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What the Olympics is Missing

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 04:44:00 +0000

Allison Stokke was your typical female college athlete, practicing her pole vault skills in obscurity until some blogger decided to post her pics all over the net, and that shit went viral. You can see why above. Girl is hot. She could vault my pole anytime (sorry, but you knew it was coming).

But, why post her pic here? And quite a few months after the fact? Well, first, it's the Olympics. But second, and more importantly, is the principle of the quite cliche but still true "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder." I'm sure many people had seen this girl before and thought "yea she's hot," but moved on. Yet, one brave soul out there realized "Wait, this girl is not just hot, but quite possibly one of the hottest female athletes on the face of the planet," and the rest is history. See, like other PUAs have previously noted, asking your buddy "is she hot?" is not really a relevant question because what really matters is do *YOU* find her hot? Your buddy may have 24x7 beer goggles and find anything in a skirt hot. The only scale that matters is your own.

Don't get caught up in a game of comparison. Keep your own counsel instead. Who knows, that hottie you just spotted may be a world-class Olympian... or just a world-class hottie ;-)

Eye Contact Everywhere (ECE)

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 02:00:00 +0000

Dosto, what I am about to tell you has been discussed elsewhere. It is no secret that the eyes are the windows to the soul. However, I feel the need to emphasize the need for eye contact (EC), and how to assess the responses. The major point here is that you must practice making eye contact everywhere. I forget where I first read this nugget, but it is pure gold. If you get in the habit of making eye contact with people all the time, not only will your confidence surge, but you will also have no problem making eye contact with all those HBs when the time comes. The real key here is the everywhere part in ECE. Do not think that this is just about scoping out the cuties. Make eye contact with babies and grandparents, men and women, short and tall, whatever. The point is to get into the habit of initiating EC because that is how you first initially assert your control over an interaction.

You will come to see that a lot of language is non-verbal. Just observe a typical AFC approach a HB. Without even knowing what he is saying, you will often note a glazed look on the HBs face, or perhaps she keeps looking away from the AFC. Following her eyes are key to understanding where her mind is at. Indeed, the soul's windows may be intriguing but they rarely lie.

Okay, AFDesi, I get it - stare at people, now what? ... No no no! It is not about merely looking at them, but rather saying 'hi' with your eyes. Now, my humble contribution is to discuss some basic responses. The first main distinction is, does the person meet your gaze or not? Let's first cover what it means if they do not. There are three common reasons: distracted, diffident, or defeated.

Distracted - This is a person talking on their cell phone or otherwise engaged. You cannot really read anything into this. If it is someone you will see again, just try again later.
Diffident - This person is not really distracted, but does not really care to make eye contact. This act in itself implies that the person has nothing interesting to offer. Unless you have some compelling reason, I would just ignore this person unless/until you have some need to interact with them.
Defeated - This person knows you are looking at them, but is doing everything to look away from you. They look at the wall, at the ground, at their shoes. Either they have something to hide, or they just cannot stand you. Either way, there is nothing to be gained here, so move on.

Now, to the more interesting responses, the gaze returned. Here again, there are three common responses: the stare, the acknowledgement, and the engagement.

The Stare - This person returns your gaze, but makes no other facial movement or acknowledgement. This can be read as either the 'deer in headlights' look, which is basically the same as the defeated look above. Or, I prefer to read it as an act of dominance establishment. Basically, they're trying to act more alpha than you. Call this ridiculousness out for what it is. Continue to stare back at them until they break your gaze. Effin' punks.
The Acknowledgement - This is probably the most common response. The person meets your gaze, perhaps smiles briefly or nods their head, and then quickly looks away. I view this as a reasonable response, and would use it later to start a conversation, such as "Hey, saw you in the hall / by the library / etc the other day." Oftentimes, as brief as this nonverbal interaction was, the other person will remember.
The Engagement - Akin to the Acknowledgement, the Engagement involves the person responding to your look, and then breaking into a full smile or perhaps even waving. This person is almost definitely interested in wanting to have a conversation with you. Next time you meet them, go straight for a question related to the meeting, such as "Do you run by the creek everyday?" Just assume they remember. Act as if the eye contact was your rapport establishment.

Hopefully this post has been worthwhile. I suppose people want 'field-testing.' All I can say is that I have started to do this while jogging and the responses have been intriguing. In a future post, I will discuss how to link ECE with reciprocity to establish conditioning. Til then, keep looking, dosto!

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The Screen

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 02:00:00 +0000

Dosto, each one of us on this journey must answer a fundamental question for ourselves: what do we want out of our pursuits? You must know this before you continue, and consider all advice you read with regards to your own personal goal. For example, the pua who wants supermodels with no regard to their intellect is quite different from the pua who wants a powerful, smart woman who also happens to be physically attractive.

I tend towards the latter camp. As pretty as any girl may be, stupidity is a huge turnoff for me. How does one determine this though? Herein enters: The Screen. What is this? It is basically a routine you run on the girl, partially to impress her, but partially also to get her to qualify herself to you and reveal her intelligence.

As Asian Rake and others have written about, if you know what you desire, you can frame screens/challenges around these goals and have the girl reveal her knowledge or lack thereof of those subjects. I am not a big fan of anything in particular, but I do respect basic intelligence and I would like to travel one day. So, my screen routine involves some basic arithmetic and basic geography, specifically requiring the girl to know that Denmark is in Europe. Having run this about 10 times or so, I think it worked perhaps 6 or 7 times. The other 3? The girl either did not know of Denmark, was unsure Denmark was in Europe, or just screwed up the arithmetic. Huge turn off for me.

At any rate, dosto, develop your screens and use them with abandon. You will find yourself quickly weeding out useless girls. Heh, as hot as Aishwarya may be (see above), having listened to a few of her interviews, I have already screened her out on my terms (she seems like a huge ditz) and thus no longer find her as appealing as I once did. Screening gives you the power to find women on your own terms, rather than waiting for women to accept you on theirs. Good luck, dosto!

Four Women: A 2x2 Analysis

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 02:00:00 +0000

Dosto, the theories on men and women are legion, even relegating us to different planets. Yet, Mars and Venus are not so far apart in cosmic terms. I like my theories simple. My view is that the tension in evaluating a potential target is the tension between the external and the internal. In other words, does the girl's external appearance represent her internal state of mind, or not?

To simplify further, all girls (and guys, for that matter) can be categorized by answering two simple questions:

HOT or not?

NICE or ice?

This leads to four types of people:

The hot, nice one
The hot, ice one
The not, nice one
The not, ice one

If you think about it for a moment, it makes sense. After getting into a conversation with an HB about this issue, she referred me to this article. The piece noted:

To a certain extent, some people react to an unusually attractive person as they might to a disabled person or any other disadvantaged group: by ignoring them.
"Nobody talks to you," said Carolynn Thelemaque, a Lafayette real estate agent. "Nobody wants to take you out. Men believe, 'She thinks she's all that so I'll talk to her friend instead.' It affects your self-esteem."

Furthermore, the "beautiful" people react to this in different ways:

Thelemaque said, "You learn to make the first move. I give other women compliments all the time. It really changes the dynamic."
Though people often assume that handsome men and lovely women are conceited, things are not always as they seem behind those chiseled cheekbones and perfect proportions.
"Even good-looking people can be shy and awkward," said Anna Laveria May, a recently elected Hayward city councilwoman, real estate agent, model and actress. "Especially in the acting and modeling industries.
"You might think, 'Hey, cold and stuck-up,' but actually they are too shy to speak up," May said. "I know it's counterintuitive, but it's true."

Given that this is the case for at least some attractive people, it behooves you to approach anyone regardless of their looks. As much as looks may matter to some, at the end of the day, you deal with the personality. No matter how someone looks, a nice personality will always make them appear better, and a bitter personality will make them appear worse. Regardless of looks, avoid the 'ice' types as much as possible.

If you find something attractive about a HB's externals, go! Talk to her! You never know what you might find on the inside. Heh, mmm, I hope Megan Fox is as nice as she looks...

Fight on, dosto!

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Friends With Benefits Prospectus

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 02:00:00 +0000

Hehe, just came across this and thought it might be helpful to those considering FBs vs LTRs:

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Revealed Preferences

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 02:00:00 +0000

My stated preference? "I'll only date someone as hot as Jessica Alba!"
My revealed preference? Yea, I'll go home with anyone drunk enough to take me... =/

In psychology (as well as in other social sciences like economics), there is a notion of 'revealed preferences.' The idea is basically that you cannot judge a person's preferences through their statements, but rather must assess their actions to understand what they're true underlying preferences are. The original theory had a slightly different focus:

Pioneered by American economist Paul Samuelson (1915 – ), revealed preference theory is a method by which it is possible to discern the best possible option on the basis of consumer behavior. Essentially, this means that the preferences of consumers can be revealed by their purchasing habits.

Still, it's easy to see how this concept is generalizable. Overall, sounds like common sense, right? Except, sometimes these sets of preferences fly in the face of each other. For example, the conservative politician who espouses family values in public but is later to found to be having a homosexual affair: a clear case of their revealed preferences belying their stated preferences.

So, what does this have to do with anything? Basically, be skeptical whenever a girl tells you what she wants, especially in a guy. The best judge really is to consider her previous boyfriends, and even then, that's not foolproof. However, you're thinking, I just met some girl at a bar, how does this apply? I don't know who her past boyfriends are!

Never fear, that's why you're there, you chameleon. As the interaction progresses, take the effort to "try out" different personas. Be cocky&funny at times, mysterious at others, and plain "nice" at some points. See which one she responds to best, feel her out. Even if she says she only dates "nice guys," you're likely to see her respond better to you when you are C&F versus just nice to her. Girls (like guys) see what they want to see.

Good luck, dosto!

Confirmation Bias

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 02:00:00 +0000

Dosto, as you may have noticed, I have been a bit remiss in posting. I have no good excuse other than to say I have been lost in my thoughts. But, of that nothingness, I have found something. First off, there are many blogs out there promising untold riches of girls if you only do things their way. This is not such a blog. It is merely a collection of my thoughts and observations that hopefully will help guide you along your journey.

Second, many of those blogs, while valuable, offer much the same information as I do. What makes this blog different? Well, hopefully, my ideas are unique, but beyond that, I think I have a relatively unique perspective to compare and contrast the lay, empirical knowledge generated by scores of AFCs and PUAs to the more formal, scientific world of psychology and the other cognitive and social sciences. Specifically, I find it interesting to look at the "rules" that PUAs have and find their psychological basis.

Of course, this brings us to confirmation bias. What is confirmation bias, you ask?

In psychology and cognitive science, confirmation bias is a tendency to search for or interpret new information in a way that confirms one's preconceptions and avoids information and interpretations which contradict prior beliefs. It is a type of cognitive bias and represents an error of inductive inference, or as a form of selection bias toward confirmation of the hypothesis under study or disconfirmation of an alternative hypothesis.
Confirmation bias is of interest in the teaching of critical thinking, as the skill is misused if rigorous critical scrutiny is applied only to evidence challenging a preconceived idea but not to evidence supporting it.

Now, what does this have to do with pick up? Well, we all suffer from confirmation bias all the time, especially when inebriated. This effect is more commonly known as "beer goggles." Think about it: you're a little tipsy, you see a cute girl, but you're a little unsure if she's really that cute. So, you check her out further, looking for any sign that can confirm that she truly is cute. You note she's wearing a dress, she's not morbidly obese, she can carry a decent enough conversation. So, you chase her. However, in your logic, you never really tried to prove the converse, that this girl is not cute. You did not stop to consider her facial hair, her own level of drunkenness, the fact that, while not obese, she wasn't particularly in shape either. Basically, you wanted her to be cute, so you found data to support your hypothesis.

Does this really happen? Well, this isn't exactly a field report, but here's an anecdote. I was seeing a girl for a good while, and we had convinced ourselves that we were "perfect for each other." At some point, she even said, "I just love the way you smell!" and she would lean in close and take a deep breath and then sigh contentedly. Well, who was I to question her? She was cute, warm, pushed up against me... well, damn, I must smell good!

Eventually, I had to move away for career reasons, but we tried to maintain a LD relationship (bad idea, but that's for another post). Upon my return, we tried to have another date. At some point, she leaned in close, but instead of the usual compliment, I got, "You smell different." I was quite confused. It hadn't been very long, I was basically the same guy, using the same shampoo, and soap. What could it be? After thinking about it for a few days (on and off, of course), it struck me: I had changed laundry detergents. Our fabulous olfactory connection representing how deep our connection was? Yea, it was really the scent of Cheer. Great.

If it's not clear, the point here is that we both had this idea that we were meant for each other, and we sought out information to confirm that, such as liking each other's smell, without ever trying out alternative theories (such as, we really like the smell of each other's laundry detergent). The impact here was somewhat trivial, but beware when you are out there and meet someone new. Try to look for things you find attractive about the girl, but also consider what things could spell trouble down the road. Happy huntin'!

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Spank 'Em All

noreply@blogger.com (neoram) — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 02:00:00 +0000

Spank 'em all. That's right: Spank. Them. All.

I'm not sure where exactly I read this on mASF, but it bears repeating. The thought of spanking is a GREAT tactic to use for escalation and reframing. It can be done in any form (in person, phone, text, IM, etc), and can be applied in various ways (kino, qualifying, sexual reframing, etc). I'm so convinced of its superiority that I think I'm going to use this in almost all my future interactions after I have established basic rapport.

The idea is simple. Any time a girl does anything slightly out of social norms or risque, you basically say something like "Oooh, you're being so naughty, I just might have to spank you." They are variations on this if she has a boyfriend, or depending on the context, but I like the one above because:
1. It frames her as being naughty
2. It puts me in the dominant, sexual position

Of course, people can respond in various ways, but if done in a properly cocky&funny way, the girl will see it as a joke and not view it as sketchy. Now, there are two possible response. First, she goes along with it. If she does, you're $$$. Maybe she sticks her butt out a bit, go ahead and spank it. It's basically a kino reward.

The other possibility, she doesn't buy the frame fully. But who cares, she's now qualifying herself to you as a "good girl," but anytime a girl says that, you now have full license to bust her balls (?) anytime she does something out of line with her own frame of being a "good girl." The next time, she does something even remotely "naughty," just lightly spank her. If she acts shocked, just say something like "You weren't being a very good girl ;-)"

This doesn't even have to be done in person. Here's an example from last night. I have been trying to set up a Day 2 with this girl who works like 100 hrs / week, and has some flaking issues. Anyway, after her last flake, I tried to do an anti flake text (to be discussed in a future post), which failed. I wasn't sure whether to write her off or just ignore and up the ante. I decided to go for it by basically introducing spanking whenever I first could. As background, I'd earlier talked to her about getting ice cream together, but she hadn't followed up on that either. Here's an edited excerpt of the actual conversation:

HB:i went to ******

the only good thing is the free ice cream

when u enter

AFDesi:whoa whoa whoa, free ice cream?

HB: i had two cones

AFDesi: i'm filled with rage

i thought we had something special

a deep, ice-cream based bond

based on... i dunno... those um ice cream places you mentioned a few days ago

... how dare you ice-cream cheat on me!

HB: haha

dude it's not ***** ice cream

it's just free swirl ice cream lol

now ********* ice cream

that's a diff ballgame

and im gonna go buy myself a pint of that shit

AFDesi: what?! if anything, you should be buying me a pint of that, and begging me to let you have some

and if i'm nice, maybe you can have a lil bit

... maybe

HB: ha there is noo way ur gonna be able to get that ice cream from me

i mix it with brownie and caramel

ohg od it's good

AFDesi: muahaha, you cracked. game over. i'm gonna drive over there and eat it all right, and then you can't have any

you owe me, big time

HB: for what?

AFDesi: for everything... the ice cream teasing, calling me a "carny," etc etc

HB: haha oh man

AFDesi: you're being so naughty, i just might have to spank you

HB: yeah yeah ill get u ice cream

and thats it and be happy!

:-)

im a good girl

AFDesi: haha, uh huh, sure

good at eating all the ice cream and not sharing

HB: i'll share

alittle

AFDesi: when are you getting me this ice cream?

HB: haha when do u want it

Okay, not necessarily my finest IM game, and some of those sound pretty retarded, but there are a few things to note. First, I've only talked to this girl for maybe 10 min max in real life, and #closed over IM when she volunteered her # to me. Second, people always talk about body temp (BT) and how it is transferrable. Well, my theory is that for girls, this is tied to food as well. Watch girls who are sexually-deprived: they will start craving chocolate like nobody's business. Third, fine, this isn't an LR, and who knows where this is going, but the point is you can always up the ante, and f* the consequences. It'll usually work out in your favor.

To be fair, if I had to analyze myself, I do have a few problems here. I haven't built enough rapport with her in person, I haven't talked to her on the phone (just a few min in person, and lots of texts/IMs), and I haven't really done a full qualifying on her. Still, cutting down the time to the Day2 is key. Why waste time chasing that which won't come to you anyway? Find out early, and either go for it or get out.

Remember: spank 'em all ;-)