Affairs of the Harts

Beliefs

2013-06-15T09:07:00.001-07:00

Today, I would like to post about beliefs. Some people may be surprised by what I write here, but some others will probably not be. Since I've been out of the Christian churches, I've had time to sit and think about what it is that I actually believe, not what my former pastor believes or my pastor and preacher friends believe, but what I personally believe. I've even explored other religions and beliefs. What I've found in my explorations is that all religions and beliefs have one common goal, and that is to do good for others and make this world a better place.

Unfortunately, certain religions feel the need to exclude certain people in order to make the world better. I have trouble with that. I have met so many wonderful people that don't fit into the mold that most religions want them to fit into. Most of these people do more good for others than the religious people that I know. These are the people that I want to be around because I see a spirit inside of them that most (not all) of the people in the Christian churches I went to claimed to have but never showed to others. They never even attempted to reach out and help others. Instead, they just stayed inside their church walls and preached to each other.

However, the people who don't fit into the traditional church mold have more of what I like to call the Christ spirit in them than so-called Christians do. By the Christ spirit, I don't mean what most people think of when they hear it. I'm not referring to Jesus Christ at all, although during his life on earth, I believe that Jesus of Nazareth did display these characteristics and was trying to teach others to recognize this spirit inside of them. To me, the Christ spirit in a person is "a state of consciousness that is defined by forgiveness, compassion, unconditional love, and total reverence for life and self." I believe that everyone has this spirit living inside of them and that everyone is capable of allowing this spirit to come forth. Some people may not recognize that they have it or simply don't choose to exercise it, but it is there. This is why I choose to honor all life because all life comes from this spirit and contains this spirit. I believe that even those who don't believe in a god or gods at all still have that spirit in them because I have seen firsthand how much they care about others and go out of their way to make sure everyone has the same rights as everyone else. They even want to make sure that people who believe in a god have the right to worship and honor that god however they choose, even though many religious people don't want to extend them the right to not honor and worship a god.

Even I wouldn't be welcome in Christian churches anymore because of the things I am saying here, and I was once in music ministry in a Christian church. They would probably say that I'm "backslidden." Actually, though, I believe that my eyes have been opened, and I am finally free to worship the God that I can believe in the way I feel like I should. I can finally have a true connection to that Christ spirit within me that I wasn't allowed to have in my former church, and I can exercise that spirit to help others.....all others, not just the ones that my former church approves of. I can direct my energy to help others and even cause good things to happen for others.

Hmm........that sounds a bit like prayer, doesn't it? I bet you didn't know that other religions besides just one actually pray, too. If only we could all focus on the things they we have in common instead of always focusing on the things that are different, what an awesome world this would be!

Here are a couple of articles that fit in to my idea of the Christ spirit. Check them out if you're interested.

http://dianescholten.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/unity-principles-the-christ-spirit-lives-within-me/
http://www.powertoshare.com/dropzone/articles/2001/05/the-christ-spirit/

Friends

2013-05-24T06:07:00.001-07:00

Remember back in elementary school, middle school, and high school when the all important thing was how many friends you had and who your friends were? How many of us still actually talk to those people today? Sure, we have them as Facebook friends, but are we really still an actual part of their lives? As we grow up and mature, our lives change. Some of us go off to college and some of us go off to work, and we meet new people. We get married and have kids, and then it seems that there is not that much time left for friends. We have work and family that keep us pretty occupied.

I started thinking about all this yesterday and about the friends that I have had as an adult. I've never been one to have a whole lot of friends because I don't always fit in with people. I did have a few friends in college while I was still single, but when I got married and had kids, my old single friends and I didn't seem to have much in common anymore. As a result, we lost touch. Isn't it interesting how people will tell you that they'll keep in touch but most of the time never really do?

During my second marriage, I had some really close friends that my then-husband and I hung out with. We all went to the same church, had dinners together, and had game nights together. Our daughters all played softball together. Sadly, I don't see much of those folks anymore, and I think now that part of the reason for that was that we all spent way too much time together. Another problem was that each one of the women in this group of friends (myself included) had a daughter that was very close in age to the other two daughters. Our biggest mistake was getting involved when our daughters would argue among themselves. What would happen is that we would try to defend our daughters against each other, and we'd all get mad at each other. The girls, on the other hand, would eventually make up, but we'd all still be mad. How silly and stupid is that? This is the kind of thing that ruined our friendship. We would say things to each other that were hurtful and made the others feel like they were bad mothers. It's not our place to judge others, you know? But we did it, and it drove us apart.

One of these two ladies that I am referring to also caused problems between my then-husband and me. She would flirt with him and even managed to get herself "accidentally" locked in her bedroom with him. Also, every time she and I would argue, she would go to him and complain about me. Then, he would come home mad at me and make me apologize to her! This same "friend" then tried to flirt with my current husband, who was just my boyfriend at the time, at my daughter's 16th birthday party! He didn't put up with it. He just walked away from her and shut her down! My former husband was different, though. He ate it up and enjoyed every minute of it.

These days, it's kind of hard for me to make friends because I have a hard time trusting anyone, except my husband. My friends back then always seemed like they wanted to tell me what to do and wanted to control me. In fact, it felt like everyone back then wanted to. Sadly, I allowed it. I didn't like myself very much back then, so I tried my hardest to please everyone, which I know now to be an impossible task. Nowadays, however, I don't allow anyone to control me. For this reason, I'm not sure that I could ever get really close to my former friends again. I don't think they would like who I am now. I'm not the same beaten down person who is easily controlled anymore. I actually like myself now. I have a great marriage, a nice home, and a job that pays me very well. Also, my beliefs have been evolving and changing over the years. I have come to respect each and every person for who they are. Their race, religion (or lack thereof), and sexual orientation no longer matters to me, and I believe in working to make sure that everyone has the same rights as everyone else. I'm not sure my old friends would understand that.

I am now a part of a wonderful community of Unitarian Universalists, and I've never been happier. These are the people that I prefer to be with, especially all the lovely ladies in the Women's Spirituality Group. They have welcomed me in with open arms, and I have never once felt judged by anyone. I have finally found a church whose mission I can totally get behind, and I love being there!

I guess I said all that to say this. Don't waste your time with people who bring you down and make you feel that you are less than what you are. Find people who build you up instead of those who prey on your weaknesses and won't let you become what you were always meant to be. Sometimes, that means that you will be on your own for a while, but eventually, the right people will come along. I believe the right ones for me are finally here!!

To learn more about Unitarian Universalism, visit the following site:

http://www.uupensacola.org/

There you will find an awesome video who tells who we are and what we believe. I included a link here as well:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=8nWf7oHX_ms

Why Do You Feel Threatened?

2013-05-06T07:01:00.000-07:00

Good morning, everyone!! My question for today is this: Why do certain groups of people feel threatened when other people are given rights? Why is it a problem to grant marriage equality to lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people? How does it really hurt you? The fact of the matter is that it doesn't really hurt you. What it does do is keep you from telling other people how they should live their lives. In other words, you lose control over them! There's that dirty word from yesterday's post again. What gives one group the right to tell other people how they should and should not live? Oh right. You're going to tell me that God gives you that right, aren't you? God never gave you the right to judge others and deny them basic human rights. There is no such thing as "righteous judgment." Judging others for the way they lead their lives is NEVER righteous!

The whole problem in our society today is that people want to be able to control what other people do. This is the article that I read this morning that inspired this post today.

http://thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/gingrich-religious-rights-of-catholics-are-outlawed-by-gay-rights-video/politics/2013/05/06/66463

Basically, our old buddy Newt Gingrich wants everyone to believe allowing gay couples to adopt children negates the rights of all Catholics to adopt children. That is simply not true. Catholic Charities in Massachusettes has been allowing gay couples to adopt children for years and only now has stopped allowing it after four Catholic bishops found out about it. As a result, Catholic Charities lost government funding due to anti-discrimination laws. All this means is that people have to go through other means to adopt, not that they can't ever adopt. If the group was not discriminating against people (which in my opinion denies a basic Christian principle of loving one another), then they would still be able to obtain government funding and still be able to help people obtain adoptions.

What this all amounts to is wanting to able to control others by pushing one group of people's religious beliefs on everyone. Our country was founded on the idea of freedom of religion. That means that all religions should have the same right to worship and honor the deity, or no deity at all, of their choice in whatever way they choose with no fear of persecution or humiliation. Christians, Pagans, Hindus, Buddhists, Muslims, Agnostics, Atheists, etc. should all be allowed the same rights and should NEVER push their beliefs on someone else. So stop feeling so threatened, people, and celebrate the one thing that we all have in common. We are all human!

Control

2013-05-05T06:30:00.001-07:00

Hello! Well, it's been quite a while since I posted here. I've been really busy with work and well......life in general. I woke up thinking this morning about control and how I used to let so many people control my life and how I behaved. I was what you would call a "yes" person. If my husband or friends discussed something, I felt like I should be in agreement with them. I think much of that had to with the fact that I wanted everyone to like me. I couldn't stand it when I thought people didn't like me, so I would just go along with whatever they said. Back then, I had very low self esteem. I really thought I wasn't good enough for anything. My husband at the time told me all the time that I was lazy and not good at anything, and my friends left me feeling like I was a terrible mother because I didn't mother my children exactly the way they thought I should. I even had one "friend" who, every time we had an argument, would go to my husband and complain about me. He would then proceed to defend her and blame me for everything. Then, he would make ME go and apologize to HER!

It was an incredibly rough time in my life, and I became severely depressed. As a result, I really became a not-such-a-great mother, and my two older children have suffered for it. I would even (and I am ashamed of this) discipline my daughter for things my friends told me she had done, even though those things didn't really happen quite the way I was told. Because of this, my daughter came not to trust me and went looking for someone else she felt she could trust. This led her into a very destructive relationship, which she is sadly still involved in. My son eventually went to live with his dad in Texas. He did struggle with some problems for a while there, but he has really pulled himself out of it and is doing great. He is finishing high school next year, has a job, and just bought himself his own truck. I'm very proud of him! Sometimes, though, it makes me sad because he had to get away from my destructive behavior in order to become the man he is growing into.

I have since come to realize that the only one who can actually control the way my life is going is me, not anyone else. Moving away from all those controlling influences helped me to wake up and realize that I am a good and intelligent person who can run her own life. I now have a really good job that pays very well, an awesome husband who never tries to control me, and a fabulously intelligent and talented daughter who gets the benefit of actually having a sane mother! I've begun reexamining my spirituality and have realized that there is more to all of it than I actually thought. I can actually affect the things that happen in my life through just my attitude toward things. If I give off positive energy, then I will get back positive things. In the past, I was giving off negative energy, so I got back negative things. Now, things have gotten so much better simply because I prefer to see things in a positive light. I've met a great bunch of people at the Unitarian Universalist church and spend time once a month with some awesome woman in the Women's Spirituality Circle. I finally, after many years of searching, actually feel like I belong somewhere. It's truly amazing how a simple attitude change can change your whole life!

Remember all who are reading this, that when you start looking for the good things in your life instead of focusing on all the bad, good things will begin happening for you. I know it can be so difficult, but I promise you that it can happen. Thanks for reading, and I hope to find more time to post this year!!! :)

It's been a while......

2012-08-30T19:21:00.001-07:00

But I'm back. I can't believe that I haven't posted since January! I've just been so busy with work and family. I'm even pursuing my MBA now! It's just so hard to find the time. I was just here thinking how much life can change in just three years. Three years ago, I was living in a dumpy little 2 bedroom apartment with my three kids and barely making enough money to get by. I was on food stamps and almost got evicted. I had no confidence in myself anymore. I had been divorced twice and thought that the only men I could ever attract were losers. In fact, I had one really great guy around who was my friend but never seemed to look at me as anything other than that, even though I certainly looked at him that way.

Well, one night, things began to turn around. I started talking to this really wonderful man online. This man was certainly no loser. He was someone I could hold an intelligent conversation with. If I hadn't met him, there is no telling where I would be now. He showed me that I am smart, strong, and capable and that I am good enough to be loved by a decent man. If it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't have the wonderful job and nice, stable home that I have now. I would never have learned to love myself and have the ability to stand up for myself. I thank God every day for my amazing husband. He has truly been an answer to my prayers.

Life is Good!!

2012-01-22T19:27:00.000-08:00

Hi! I hope this blog post finds everyone well. I was just sitting here thinking about my life and how God has been blessing me and my family. I started a new job on January 4, 2012, and I got my first paycheck Friday. It was amazing! It is more money that I have ever made in my life, and I'm getting to work at home as a full-time employee with benefits in a field that I really love! I have a husband who loves me with all of his heart and who I love with all of my heart, three children and three stepchildren (as well as one daughter-in-law) who I love very much, and one absolutely beautiful grandbaby who I also love so very much. (I know that technically Lillian is my step-granddaughter which some people may feel makes me nothing at all to her, but I plan to love her like a grandmother anyway, no matter what anyone else thinks or feels!) Things are really starting to look up. Bill is happy because he will actually be able to retire when the time comes. He thought he had lost his chance after his divorce, but he now feels that he is getting his life back. I am so happy that I have played a part in that because if anyone deserves a chance to have a good life, it is Bill. He is absolutely the most wonderful man I know and have ever known! I thank God every day that he and I have this chance to be together. If it weren't for him, I would still be that pitiful little doormat of a woman that everyone, even my so-called friends, just walked all over. However, Bill let me see what he sees when he looks at me, and I began to realize that I am someone who has something wonderful to offer. MeeMaw was right about him. She told him the first Thanksgiving we spent together at her house that I needed someone in my life to help me, and he has done that and so much more! He is my very best friend, and I love him soooo much! I praise you, God, for blessing Bill and me so much and for giving us both another chance at a wonderful life!!! I pray that everyone gets such a chance! God bless!

New Job and Other Happenings

2012-01-08T20:00:00.000-08:00

Good evening! I'm finally getting a chance tonight to sit down and write some in my blog. I started a new job on Wednesday, and it has been hard finding some breathing room. So far, I really love the job. The people are professional and very welcoming. I haven't seen a bad attitude there yet, which is really refreshing. It actually reminds me somewhat about how Smart Horizons was when I started. An added bonus is that a friend of mine that I worked at SH also works at the new job. She loves it there, and I believe I will, too. I'm making a significant amount more a year, and I get to work at home! You can't beat that with a stick, as Bill would say. LOL

Another great thing about this new job is that the tools required to do our jobs actually work, and we don't have to deal with antiquated equipment. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this will be the career I retire from.

We received some belated Christmas cards with gift cards inside them from my father and stepmother. I'm not sure if I mentioned this at all, but my dad and mom got divorced when I was 10 years old. My dad and stepmom married not too terribly long after that. I thought my stepmom was pretty cool at first, but my dad seemed begin to drift away from me once they got together. I was invited to spend the weekend at their house once, and when my dad came and picked me up, he talked to my mom for a few minutes at the front door. Well, Janice (my stepmom) got very jealous about that and proceeded to get drunk while I was there, and she and my dad started to argue. After that, I was never invited to stay at their house again, and my dad very rarely called me and never helped support me financially. It was like he divorced me just like he divorced my mom.

I wish more parents realized what something like this does to children. I felt rejected by my dad. A girl's father is the first man in her life, and when she feels thrown away by her dad, she just doesn't feel good enough for a decent man. If your own father rejects you, who on earth is going to want you? As a result, I married two not-so-good husbands who treated me exactly like I thought of myself.....like dirt under their feet. I did get three wonderful children from those marriages, but it doesn't change the fact that I no longer had a relationship with my father.

I keep wondering if maybe Janice kept him from calling me or visiting me all those years because she couldn't stand for him to have any contact with my mom. It wouldn't surprise me at all. What really upsets me about all this is that every time I am around them, she goes out of her way to put a guilt trip on me about never calling or visiting. First of all, why should a child as young as I was be expected to call her dad. Why couldn't he pick up the phone and call me himself?

The last straw happened yesterday when we received the gift cards. There was yet another guilt trip of a letter in the envelope. You don't do that when you're sending a gift. However, this is how it always is. Every time I see them, I get a guilt trip put on me by Janice. I'm sick of it, so I sent her an email and told her off. She needed to here all this. What a piece of work!

Well, gotta get to bed. I'll talk to you all soon!

Goodbye to 2011 and Hello to 2012!

2012-01-01T06:04:00.000-08:00

The holiday season officially ends today. It has been a wonderful holiday here at the Hart house. We got to visit with Bill's son and his wife and got to meet the newest addition to the family, Ms. Lillian Jeanette Hart. What a beautiful little girl she is, too! Meeting Lillian was truly the most wonderful Christmas gift anyone has ever given us. I loved holding her and even getting a chance to feed her. It was truly an amazing feeling! I want to thank Joe and Sarah for making Amy and I feel like a part of the family, too, even though we are not blood relatives. Bill has been doing that all along, but it's nice when others give us that acceptance as well. It tickled me so much to see Sarah refer to me as "Grandma Julie" in the caption of one of her pictures and to hear Joe refer to Amy as "Auntie Amy." I love Bill and all of his children (and grandchild) very much, and I hope that I will always be allowed to be a part of their lives in some way.

Another wonderful gift I have received this holiday season has come from Bill's ex-wife Leanne. I've always kind of gotten the feeling that Leanne really didn't like me very much and would really rather me just not be around. However, things seem to have changed recently in that we have had some rather pleasant exchanges on Facebook in recent weeks. The awkwardness that always seems to exist between a first wife and a second wife seems to be disappearing, and for that, I am grateful. It just makes things easier when we are all around each other. The children don't feel like they have to choose one parent over the other because we are all able to work together to make sure each parent gets equal time. Cooperation is always the key, and this holiday season has proven that it can be done and done very well.

This Wednesday, I start my new job working at Columbia Southern University as an instructional designer. I am excited about it but also kind of nervous. The job is pretty similar to what I've been doing with Smart Horizons, so I don't feel my work will be an issue. They obviously like my writing, or I wouldn't have been offered the job. I guess the simple fact that it is a totally new situation is what makes me nervous. It is more money than I've ever made at any job before, so I really want to do well. Keep your fingers crossed out there for me!!

For 2012, I've decided to do a project that was actually inspired by my step-daughter-in-law. The project involves taking one picture each day of the new year to represent the day. I'm going to start another blog to showcase these pictures. I think of it as a great way to look back when 2012 draws to a close and reminisce about all that happened throughout the year. It is also a way of looking to see how things differ over a one-year period. Instead of creating a blog post every day of the year, though, I will post one a week showcasing all the previous week's pictures with an explanation of how each one represents its particular day. It sounded like fun when I read about it in Sarah's blog, so I thought I'd give it a shot. The address for the new blog is http://yearofthehart.blogspot.com/

So, Happy New Year, everyone!! I hope 2012 brings you all everything you need and many of the things you want as well. God bless you all!!!

Christmas 2011 and a New Year on the Horizon

2011-12-27T07:17:00.000-08:00

Well, Christmas 2011 has come and gone, and we are looking towards 2012 and whatever it will bring us. New Year's is a time for new beginnings and leaving the past behind. This coming year, I will be starting a new job making more money than I have ever made in my life. I'm very excited and a little nervous. We've been through a lot this year. We lost four family members, three of them within the space of one day and another just a couple of months ago. We also have one family member in jail for the deaths of two of those aforementioned family members. Needless to say, my family is struggling to deal with it all.

As I mentioned in a previous blog post, things have just naturally begun to change. This Christmas was spent mostly at home with me, my husband, my youngest daughter, and my mother. I cooked Christmas dinner, and we all enjoyed it together. Then, we went to my mother-in-law's house to spend time with family. In previous years, I went to my grandmother's house for Christmas, but since she passed away in February, everything has changed. I was actually worried that Christmas would be sad this year because it was the first one without her. I did miss her, Brandi, Zoe, and Kyano and thought about them that day and on Christmas Eve. However, this Christmas turned out to be really wonderful because we got the chance to meet our beautiful new addition to the family, Ms. Lillian Jeannette Hart (my step-granddaughter). I may just be a step-grandmother, but I love Lily just as I will love my biological grandchildren one day. It was so wonderful to hold Lily. I had the privilege of holding her at our house on Christmas Eve and at Grandma Hart's on Christmas night. What an amazing feeling that was! She is such a precious baby! It was also wonderful to watch Bill hold his granddaughter for the first time and then get to feed her and let her fall asleep on his chest. He was so proud and happy! He loves being PawPaw!

I found it very refreshing also to watch Joe and Sarah take care of Lillian. What amazing parents they are! They take turns getting up with her at night and are both so attentive to her needs. Too many parents today just don't seem to care, but it is very obvious that these two young people were raised with the knowledge that family is what comes first. They know that their child's needs come before ANYTHING they want or need.

I'm also very happy because my son came from Texas to see me. Late Christmas night, we went and picked Alex up from his stepmom's grandparents' house. It has been so wonderful spending time with him. I am so amazed at how quickly he is growing up. I am so proud of him. My oldest daughter did not come with him, however. I wish she would realize that I only did what I thought was right to protect her. I love Hayley very much! All I have ever wanted is to see my children succeed to the best of their abilities. I pray that Hayley will one day wake up and see that.

I'd like to take this time to wish everyone that may be reading a Happy New Year! I wish all of you the best that 2012 has to offer. May God bless you!

Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays?

2011-12-22T07:17:00.000-08:00

I saw a sign on a church close to my house that read, "It's okay to say Merry Christmas" which is what sparked my blog post this morning. Yes, of course, it's okay to say "Merry Christmas." No one ever said it wasn't. But what's wrong with saying "Happy Hanukkah," "Happy Kwanza," or cover them all by simply saying "Happy Holidays"? Can someone explain to me why the holiday season is only about Christians?

I am a Christian, but I get sick and tired of hearing other Christians talk about how "persecuted" they are as if no one else is. Look at what is going on right now with the TLC show All-American Muslim. Lowe's pulled their advertisements from the show after being pressured by a conservative Christian group. Now, the show's rating are dropping, and it may be pulled by its network. That sounds like a case of Christians persecuting Muslims to me. The group says that the show is not depicting Muslims as they really are. However, not all Muslims are violent and believe in killing people. There is only a very small percentage that are like that. Most Muslims want the same things as we do. They want the same opportunities we enjoy. What's wrong with that anyway? Are they not HUMAN BEINGS, just like us?

One of the main tenets of Christianity is that we are love our neighbors as ourselves. Guess what, folks? We have Muslim neighbors, gay neighbors, black neighbors, Jewish neighbors, etc. Jesus wants us to LOVE them, not hate them. After all, that is what this holiday season is supposed to be about, isn't it? Showing love and peace to all men and women? That means we are to love and respect EVERYONE around us, even the ones we don't agree with or even particularly like. If we allow that love and respect to come forth, it can help to make a world a better place for our children and grandchildren.

So instead of worrying about whether we say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays", why don't we concentrate instead on bringing forth the true spirit of the season?

"Let There Be Peace on Earth" by Vince Gill

Two Weeks of Notice

2011-12-20T03:22:00.000-08:00

Well, I did it! It was something that I never thought I would do. I resigned from my job of almost two years. When I first started working for the company, I thought I was so blessed because I found a job where they treat their workers like family, and I really loved the work! I kept recommending the place to everyone I knew who needed a job. I even helped my friend, my husband, and my stepdaughter get jobs there because I thought the place was so great! I worked my butt off for them day in and day out. I never even called in sick in the whole almost two years I was there. The first month I worked there, I worked sick as a dog for about three days. I just couldn't let myself call in because I valued the job so much, and I just appreciated them giving me a chance to show them what I could do. I hadn't worked outside the home for about 5 years, so it's almost a miracle that they hired me at all. I had run a home daycare and did medical transcription, but I had my degrees in English and education and a pretty good writing ability that the company was able to recognize.

I remained very loyal to the company until about February 2011, when I watched many of my co-workers get laid off because the project we were working on did not take off as expected. They were told it would only be for 60 days, and now it's been almost a year. Then in October 2011, there was another round of layoffs, and I had to watch my stepdaughter and friend whom I helped get a job there have their hearts broken. That was supposed to be for 90 days only, but I have a hard time these days trusting anything the company says anymore. Just before the second round of layoffs, our paychecks did not arrive on time. That is when I decided that it may be time to look for something else. So I put some resumes out. The day after I did this, we all had a mandatory meeting in which we heard that we had our product and were going to concentrate more on sales and less on product development, and that is when the second round of layoffs occured. Well, since I work in production of new material, hearing that did not make me feel any better about my future with the company, so I was glad I had put those resumes out.

About a month later, I got a call from an online university, and they wanted to interview me for a position as an instructional designer. They told me the position started in the low $40,000s, and there was a possibility of working remotely. Well, by this time, I had been forced to take a pay cut and was making less than I made when I first started working for my current company. I decided to go for the interview and see what would happen. The interview went well, so they decided they wanted a writing sample from me. I completed it and sent it back in. It took a couple of weeks, but they finally got back to me and offered me a position working remotely with a salary of $40,000 to start with benefits and 401K. Because of the significant increase in pay, it was kind of a no-brainer. I accepted the position and got a start date of January 4, 2012.

I decided to do the professional thing by following the policies and procedures manual of my current (now former) company and give them two weeks of notice. Well, they decided that they didn't need me anymore and told me to leave right away. This happened yesterday, right before lunch. While it's nice to have a 2-week vacation right before I start a new job, it kind of hurt because of all the hard work I put into my job there. They just decided that they no longer needed me and threw me aside. I have come to realize, though, that there really is no company you can trust. I thought my former company was different, but they're not. They are all in it for the bottom line without having a care about people. They pretend that you're all one big happy family, but it's all a facade. They will cut anyone's throat if it allows them to make money. I find it sad that it has to be that way, and I am now actually glad to be away from them. I am losing four days of pay that I was counting on, but you know something? I think it's worth it just to have some peace of mind and a break.

So here's to a new year with new possibilities and new hope! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

Major Life Events and Christmas

2011-12-11T19:41:00.001-08:00

Well, I was talking with my mom tonight about Christmas, and it really brought it home to me how so much has changed. When I was growing up, we would go to MeeMaw's Christmas Eve and then Mana's (my dad's mom) on Christmas Day. That all changed for the first time when I was a sophomore in high school. Mana passed away, and everyone kind of separated. My parents were already split up by this time, and my dad didn't come and get me for get togethers with that side of the family anymore. That was my first experience with how things change when major life events occur.

The second time came when I got married myself the first time and had children. Suddenly, there were even more sets of relatives to visit, which meant a lot of juggling. People just don't seem to realize (or maybe they just forget) that it's harder for a family with small children to travel than it is for people who no longer have that deal with. However, people still expected us to come see them without making the effort to come see us.

The third time came after my divorce and subsequent remarriage. Now, there were even more sides of the family to juggle, and it came with a price. Sometimes, I wouldn't get to see my family at all some holidays because I had to be with my husband's family. Additionally, my children's father wanted to see them for the holidays, too, so I would really only get half of the holiday with my children, which can be very difficult for a mother.

The fourth time came when I remarried for the third time. My new husband (and best one, by the way) had his own Christmas traditions that I wanted to honor. When I met him, I was still going to my MeeMaw's on Christmas Eve as I had done from my childhood, but I also went on Christmas Day since I wasn't seeing my dad's side of the family anymore. Bill's tradition was to have his kids over to his house for Christmas Eve to hang out with snacks and to watch A Christmas Carol. Because I love my husband and I was going to MeeMaw's on Christmas Day anyway, I decided to honor his tradition and be with him and all of our kids, his and mine, on Christmas Eve.

Now, this year, it has all changed again. My MeeMaw has passed away. This is our first Christmas without her. I have also lost two young cousins, one almost 16 (tomorrow would have been her 16th birthday) and one 18 and a new mother. It's hard to really embrace the holidays this year because now, I have to come up with new family traditions. Also, my two older children are not with me. In fact, my oldest daughter wants nothing to do with me. At least my son is coming after Christmas to see me for a little while, although I really wish I could have him on Christmas. It somehow doesn't really feel like Christmas this year. I hope the Spirit of Christmas comes along soon. I really want to enjoy the holidays, but I miss my lost family members so much, especially my MeeMaw.

There are some bright spots, though. We have a new addition to the family, and we get to meet her in just a couple of weeks!!! I am very excited to see Ms. Lillian. She is such a beautiful little girl! Maybe seeing her will bring Christmas alive to me again.

Don't get me wrong, though. I am incredibly happy here with my husband and my daughter. Having them makes me smile everyday. I guess tonight I'm just missing all the good times growing up and realizing that I'm getting older and it's almost time for me to be the grandma. Where did all that time go??

Good night!

Thanksgiving

2011-11-23T16:56:00.001-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! It is a bittersweet one this year. While I have much to be thankful for, this is also the first major holiday without my MeeMaw, Brandi, Zoe, and Kyano. Ever since I was a child, I've gone to MeeMaw's for Thanksgiving. I miss her so much, especially now.

I also, as always, miss my two beautiful children who are in Texas (Hayley and Alex). At least Alex speaks to me and wants to see me, but Hayley doesn't. I miss both of them so much! It makes me so sad not to have them here for Thanksgiving.

Some things I am thankful for are my wonderful husband Bill and my precious daughter Amy. I am thankful to have the acceptance of my stepchildren. I will always be grateful for that. It means so much to me! I love them all! I am also thankful for the newest addition to the family, Lillian Jeanette Hart. I feel so blessed to get to be a part of her life. I am also thankful to still have a job when so many don't.

Even in the midst of great sadness, there are still bright spots, and those are the ones to concentrate on. Praise God for our many blessings!

Now, what are some of you out there grateful for?

2011-11-12T10:40:00.001-08:00

Since the new addition to our family on October 24, 2011, I decided it was time to update my family video. Here it is in all its glory! I hope you love it as much as I loved making it!

My beautiful family

My Little Girl.......

2011-11-11T06:06:00.001-08:00

is no longer so little anymore. She is growing up! I've been struggling for several months trying to decide if I should tell her the truth about Santa Claus. I asked myself questions like "Will it ruin her Christmas and all the holidays and such with mythical creatures attached to them?" I started looking at websites trying to get advice, and the consensus seemed to be that I should wait until she actually came right out and asked. If she actually asks, the websites said, then she is already questioning it in her own mind. Well, the night before last, it happened! All of a sudden at the dinner table, she asked, "Mommy, is Santa Claus real?" I wasn't sure what to say, but I realized that it would be worse later if I lied to her now. So I told her. Surprisingly, she wasn't upset, but I believe that was because she actually already knew. This then led to all kinds of revelations about the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

So, my baby is not a baby anymore! It makes me sad, but at the same time, I am proud of how well she is growing up, how happy she is, and how very intelligent she is!

If Tomorrow Never Comes.....

2011-10-30T19:13:00.000-07:00

My mom posted pictures of the headstones of my three family members that passed away this year. My two young cousins, Brandi and Zoe, have pictures, and my grandmother's has a symbol showing that she was a skin donor.

As I was viewing these tonight, I started thinking about the fact once again that you just never really know when it will be your time or someone else's time to go. Only God knows the exact time and place. Because of this, we need to make sure that we tell the ones we love exactly how we feel about them right now. You may never have another chance in this life. If there are people that you love that you haven't exactly treated quite right over the years, you need to take time to call them and let them know that you never meant to be that way. Let them know, too, how much you really care about them, love them, and are proud of them. This is especially true for parents and children. Children, no matter how old they are, need to know that their parents love them and are proud of them. Please don't let another day go by without doing this. It is more important than you know. God bless!

I know I've shared this before, but another listen never hurts.

If Tomorrow Never Comes

New Beginnings

2011-10-25T16:42:00.000-07:00

Well, there is finally some good news to report. Last night, at 8:26 pm (October 24, 2011), a beautiful new life was born to the Hart, Panno, Lyle, and Easteal families. Her name is Lillian Jeanette Hart, and she weighed in at 9 pounds and measured 22 inches in length. All of us here in Florida can't wait to see pictures and eventually meet her. Lillian's birth is a bright spot in a very dark couple of weeks. It's been very difficult to look at the positives in life, but Lillian gives me new hope for the future. Don't get me wrong. I love my husband very much and have never been as happy with anyone as I am with him, but we are worried about losing out jobs next. However, the new life that was born last night into our family gives me renewed hope. There is always a new beginning on the horizon, and there is a purpose for everything. Bill and I have both been divorced and, that was a hard thing to overcome for both of us. However, because of those divorces, we were free to meet one another and create something new and better. The people that were laid off may now have a shot at greater opportunities that before they would have disregarded.

So before you let the bad things that have happened to you destroy you, take a look at the positives you have in your life, and take the time to consider the new possibilities and new beginnings that may be around the corner for you. Don't count yourself out until you have explored all the options. Remember, there is always something new and better just around the corner. God bless!!

Lillian Jeanette Hart

Listen to the lyrics! They're awesome!!!

Sad Day

2011-10-18T18:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was one of the saddest days I believe I have ever experienced in my life. I watched 19 people that I worked with get laid off from our company. This has been the second time in 8 months. Then it was 30 people. It is so incredibly sad to walk by so many empty desks and wonder if you are next. The sadness of yesterday is still so vivid, especially when I think of my stepdaughter's face when she heard her name called. I just wanted to run over and put my arms around her, but she had to go get her paperwork. This was the best opportunity she has had in a long time. I pray that she can take what she has learned and apply it elsewhere. She so deserves a shot at happiness and fulfillment. I made sure I hugged her before she left, and I cried along with her. Shirley, my friend from high school, was also laid off. I feel incredibly guilty because I encouraged both of them to come work at the company. I know it's not my fault, but I can't help but feel a little responsible.

What's even worse is the anxiety that I feel now any time I think about work. I am afraid that it is going to happen again, and this time, I'll be the one to go. I have always loved my job, ever since day one, and it bothers me to feel so uncomfortable there now. All I want is to find a company I can retire from. I was so hoping it would be at this company, but now I'm not so sure. I mean I still want it to be, but I'm afraid it just won't happen.

It's Official

2011-10-14T18:21:00.000-07:00

It's official!!! I have gone to the dark side!! I officially became a Democrat today. I can no longer associate myself with a party that seems to want others to suffer just so that they can have things the way they want them. What is so wrong with letting everyone have the same basic human rights as everyone else? Why can't my co-worker be allowed to marry the woman she loves and have a family? Honestly, how does that harm anyone else? Let me tell you about my co-worker and how she cares about others. Today, we found out that our paychecks are going to be delayed until possibly Tuesday. Well, she knew about my little girl's birthday party, and she was concerned that we wouldn't have decorations and a cake because we didn't get paid like we were supposed to. She and her partner were willing to bake a cake tonight for us. How sweet is that? How many people would have been willing to go to that much trouble for someone else? And yet people can call her evil and a sinner because she happens to be in love with another woman! I'm sorry, but there is no way I can associate myself with a group of people that truly believes that. My co-worker is more thoughtful than many of the so-called Christians I know. She actually displays the love of Christ more than my former pastor and others at the church ever did. And yet people call her evil? Sorry, but no!

Anyway, I just wanted to share that. It has been quite a trying day, and I am going to curl up with my husband, watch a movie, and just veg out for a while.

Getting in Shape

2011-10-10T10:58:00.000-07:00

Good morning! I'm just sitting here and enjoying a wonderful day off with my husband. That's one of the things that I really love about my job. We get a generous amount of holidays off with pay and are given no flak about taking time off. In fact, we start earning time off with our first paycheck.

Anyway, as some of you may know, Bill suffered a TIA about 7 weeks ago. His triglycerides were through the roof (2600), and his blood sugar was out of control. The doctor told him in the hospital that his diet had to drastically change, and he had to exercise more. We already walk twice a day at work during our two fifteen minute breaks, but that evidently was not enough. While in the hospital, a dietician came in and talked to both of us, and we learned a great deal about how to eat a balanced diet. Also, Bill was put on insulin (he is diabetic). We learned that he had actually not been consuming enough carbohydrates. Carbohydrates, in moderation, are actually essential to a balanced diet. That is where our bodies get the energy they need to function properly. Also, he had been eating too much protein and too much fat (cream of anything soups contain WAY too much fat we learned). A medical tech at the hospital also got some information for us about a gym that was opening up very close to our house at a price that we could not pass up ($10/month each and no contract).

So, when Bill was released from the hospital, I told him that I would go on the diet and exercise plan with him if he thought that would help him stick to it. He was very pleased and said that it would. No one had ever been willing to do that for him before. Besides, I need to get in shape as well. I want to be around to see my future grandchildren one day, too, not to mention that I would really like to look good! ;) So, we got started with the diet. We eat a lot of fruits and vegetables and can even get some sweets (in moderation) occasionally. We are very careful to monitor the amounts of carbs, proteins, and fats we are getting in each meal and each snack. Believe it or not, we have found that we can actually eat a pretty good amount of food and can be quite satisfied with it. You really don't have to eat a lot of junk to feel full. We both have noticed that we actually feel physically much better, and it's because the food we are eating is food that is actually good for us.

We also started working out 5 days a week in a gym. It's been awesome! We've gotten to where we are looking forward to it. (In fact, I'm sitting wondering if we can hurry up and go right now!) Anyway, we go right after work Monday through Friday and exercise for about 35 minutes. Bill rides the exercise bike and will soon be adding some weight training to the mix. I discovered a wonderful machine called the Arc Trainer (see below) that works the whole body hard and burns a pretty good bit of calories. This past Friday, I worked off about 340 calories!

Guess what? The work is paying off. Bill is losing inches around his waist, his blood sugar is almost completely back under control, and his triglycerides have come down from 2600 to 357! He is also building up some muscle. I've always thought my husband was pretty good-looking, but he is getting even better looking as a result!!!! Yahoo for me!!!! As for me, I have lost about 5 pounds and am working on more!! I'm feeling better than I have in a long time, and last weekend, I was able to get some new smaller clothes. I can actually get clothes to fit my shape and look good in them!! I'm excited about losing more weight so I can get some more!!

If anyone is interested in what we've been doing to lose weight, let me know. I'll be happy to help out. The best way to lose weight and get healthier is by simply adjusting your diet and exercising. Fad diets are not going to do it. You may lose weight, but it won't be in a healthy way.

LOL I just realized that I have written ANOTHER happy blog post! Shirley should be very pleased! Love to you all!!!

Happiness

2011-10-09T18:54:00.000-07:00

Hi! Well, my friend Shirley told me that I should write about happiness. I guess some of my posts haven't always been that happy. Therefore, I am going to write about some happy things tonight. First of all, I have a very happy marriage to a wonderful man. He is loving, caring, sensitive, and what I consider a real man to be. I thank God every day for bringing such a wonderful man into my life. I have never been treated with so much genuine love and respect before in my life.

Secondly, I am a proud mother of three beautiful, healthy children. Although two of them are not with me right now, I do love all of them very, very much. I am extremely proud of my son Alex. He is really growing up into a mature and sensible young man. I could NOT be prouder of him. Amy is doing very well in school and is getting ready to take dance lessons after the first of the year. My daughter Hayley is 18 now. I miss her and her brother Alex greatly. Hayley is not speaking to me right now, but I will always love her. She is my first-born, and I am extremely proud of her as well.

I also happen to be very proud of my three stepchildren. The oldest lives in Chicago, and his wife is pregnant with their first child. Yes, that means I will be a step-grandmother!! Who knew it would happen this quickly? Bill and I are very excited about it! (I'm secretly hoping the baby will call me Maw-Maw or Mee-Maw. That will be so cool!!!) I am very thankful to Joe and Sarah for making me and my children feel so welcome in the family. I will be forever grateful to both of them for that! The middle child lives in Pace and works with her dad and me at our company. Out of all three of Bill's kids, Rachel is the one who reminds me the most of him. I am so pleased to have gotten a chance to get close to her. She has such a wonderful heart and is much more intelligent than she gives herself credit for. Her dad and I are so proud at how well she is doing at work. They love her there!! Bill's youngest son is away at college right now at Melbourne, and he is the one that I got to know first and best of all three. I even got a chance to teach Geoffrey to drive! It was an interesting experience to say the least, but he did it! I'm so proud of him. He is incredibly intelligent, and I can't wait to see what he is going to become! He and I got really close, and I am so proud that he feels free to talk and even confide in me sometimes.

I am also happy to have a wonderful dog named Bella. We found her on Craig's List, and she is a very sweet Jack Russell terrier. She comforts me when I'm sad and follows me everywhere. She thinks she is a big, ferocious dog until a thunderstorm comes up, and then she needs me to protect her! LOL

Finally, I am very happy with my job. I have been working at Smart Horizons now for almost two years, and I love it! It really is the best job I have ever had. My coworkers and supervisors are really great, and it's a pleasure to go to work every day. I am very hopeful that this job will be the one that I get to retire from one day.

Some people may look at my life and wonder why on earth I am so happy. I don't really make that much money, I'm on my third marriage, and two of my kids no longer live with me. I miss my kids terribly, and I wish they were here. However, the life I have here with Bill, Amy, and Bella is actually a pretty good one. As my husband says, "We have everything we need and a fair amount of what we want. I think that's pretty good." Many people out there have it a whole lot harder than we do. I consider myself to be incredibly blessed and (yes, Shirley) very, very happy!! Love to all!

Is the United States Still a Christian Nation?

2011-10-05T05:48:00.000-07:00

The answer I'm afraid seems to be no. In fact, I'm not sure that we ever were. Take a look at our history, and take a look at the way we treat one another today. I wonder sometimes if God is ashamed that we call ourselves Christians. People in our part of the country enslaved other people once simply because their skin color was different. In fact, we fought and killed each other over it. Do you really think God is proud of that? What about the people who were already here when we arrived? We just pushed them out of the way so we could take what we wanted! People think it's okay to hate other people simply for being different, and people don't believe in giving basic human rights to others simply because they don't live their lives the way those people think they should. If you stop and think about it, we are all basically the same and want the same things out of life. We all want to love and be loved, and we all want a chance to make something out of our lives. Why should anyone stand in the way of that?

Also, can anyone tell me what good it does for anyone to work against everything President Obama wants to do? Does anyone really want our country to improve or are they just willing to do everything it takes to make Mr. Obama look bad? How about we think about our country's future for once instead of just thinking about me, myself, and I?

I posted the link below to my Facebook page, but I'm not sure how many people actually saw it. If you haven't read it, you should. It's very interesting and exactly what Bill and I both have been saying recently. Check it out. It just might make you think!

Do We Really Live Like Christians?

Check out these videos as well and really listen to the words:

Casting Crowns--Does Anybody Hear Her?

Casting Crowns--Jesus, Friend of Sinners (Lyrics below)

"Jesus, Friend Of Sinners"

Jesus, friend of sinners, we have strayed so far away
We cut down people in your name but the sword was never ours to swing
Jesus, friend of sinners, the truth's become so hard to see
The world is on their way to You but they're tripping over me
Always looking around but never looking up I'm so double minded
A plank eyed saint with dirty hands and a heart divided

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours

Yeah...

Jesus, friend of sinners, the one who's writing in the sand
Make the righteous turn away and the stones fall from their hands
Help us to remember we are all the least of thieves
Let the memory of Your mercy bring Your people to their knees
No one knows what we're for only against when we judge the wounded
What if we put down our signs crossed over the lines and loved like You did

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours

You love every lost cause; you reach for the outcast
For the leper and the lame; they're the reason that You came
Lord I was that lost cause and I was the outcast
But you died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your feet

'Cause You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks Yours

And I was the lost cause and I was the outcast
Yeah...
You died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your feet

The Eagles--The Last Resort

Life and Death

2011-10-02T20:01:00.000-07:00

Hi. I'm just sitting here tonight thinking about life and how fragile it really is. You just never really know when it is going to be your time to go or someone's time that you really love and care about. About seven months ago, I lost three members of my family within the span of 24 hours. First, my grandmother passed away at the age of 84 from a heart attack. It was very unexpected, but when people get to be her age, you know that it could be anytime. We miss her terribly, and I regret not spending enough time with her. I sure am glad, though, that Bill and I were able to take her, my mom, and his mom all out to lunch a couple of times. We had a great time with them. Bill's mom and my grandma were born in the same month except that my grandma was a year older than Bill's mom. (I know that sounds weird but Bill and I are about 11 1/2 years apart in age) Losing MeeMaw (my grandma) was very sad, but what happened the next evening was so shocking that it all still seems so surreal, even to this day. My cousin was taking her daughter Zoe (who was 18 and a new mother) and my other cousin Brandi (who was 15) to buy dresses for MeeMaw's funeral. Sadly, they were in a terrible accident, and the two teenagers were killed instantly.

This shows us that death can come to anyone at any time. I was thinking about this tonight because headstones were finally delivered this week for MeeMaw, Zoe, and Brandi's graves.

It hadn't been that long since I had seen them when this happened, and they were all so full of life. I wish I had another chance to let them know how much I loved them. The picture below, though, is what really got me thinking:

The name on the bottom right of this headstone is my mother's name. This is a woman who has always been my rock. She has stood by me so many times and has loved me unconditionally. Seeing her name on that headstone reminded me again of how precious time with our loved ones is and how we just don't know when it will be anyone's time to go.

About seven weeks ago, Bill experienced a transient ischemic attack (TIA) also known as a mini-stroke. I thank God every day that he is still with me and that he has no permanent damage because I really could have lost him. That is why I am working so hard to help him get his triglycerides down and keep them down and helping to keep his blood sugar under control. I am exercising with him and eating the very same diet he is eating. It makes it easier for him when someone else does it, too. I also make sure that food he can't have is not allowed in the house. One thing that I am always sure to do, too, is let him know everyday how much he means to me.

I want to urge everyone reading here to let the people you love know how loved they are and how much they truly mean to you. You may never get another chance to do it. Thanks for reading!

RIP Brandi, Zoe, and MeeMaw
Garth Brooks--If Tomorrow Never Comes

Why So Open?

2011-09-30T08:20:00.000-07:00

Some people have questioned why I am so open about some of the things I’ve been through in my life. Well, let me ask you this? Why do you think some people don’t come to church? Have you considered that it is possible that some of these folks just don’t think they’re good enough to come in? When people first come into a church, what they see most of the time are people who look like nothing is ever wrong in their lives, and what they hear are people telling them how bad the things they do are. They begin to feel like there is simply no hope for them, so they leave and never come back. They feel as if they will never measure up to that woman up there leading the praise team or that man up there preaching, so really what’s the use?

I am of the opinion that it is important for ministry to let people know that they are only human, too, and they make mistakes. The trick is letting them know that they can rise above it and become something greater. The pastor at My Father’s Vineyard here in Pensacola is a wonderful example of this. He did some terrible things in his past, but he was able to rise up and overcome them to be an outstanding example to others. And you know something? He doesn’t mind telling anyone about his past because it shows them that he was weak, too. He even talks about some of the mistakes he makes even now. It lets people know that people in ministry are just people like the rest of us. So, come on, ministers! Show us what you got!

Of course, this doesn't just apply to ministry. We can all use things that we've been through in our lives to help others get through similar things. It's not a crime to tell people that you, too, are weak or have been weak in areas but were able to work through those things and become the person you are today. Don't be afraid to show weakness, and don't be afraid to admit when you don't know something or when you make a mistake. Allowing these things to show in your life can actually help others get stronger and pull themselves up, too. Our goal should be to build others up rather than tearing them down to make yourself feel better. Putting others down doesn't change bad behavior in others. It instead reinforces the behavior because they begin to believe that they are a failure and might as well not even try.

Try to look for the good qualities and reinforce those in people instead of always looking for the bad. You just might be pleasantly surprised at the results! :)

Casting Crowns--Stained Glass Masquerade

Christianity

2011-09-29T20:25:00.000-07:00

Hi! I wanted to talk a little tonight about Christianity and what it means to me. First of all, I want to say that I am a believer, and I do consider myself to be a Christian. Unfortunately, my version of Christianity and the church's version of Christianity are not exactly the same. I believe that Jesus really meant it when He said that we should love another and that we should welcome one another in, even if they don't agree with us. However, I have noticed that the church seems to feel that it's perfectly acceptable to leave certain people out and control the way people behave.

Example #1: I went to Pensacola Christian School (now known as Pensacola Christian Academy or PCA) from nursery school to 5th grade. While I was there, I was told how to dress, what music I was allowed to listen to, and what television shows I was allowed to watch. If I deviated in any way from this, I was sinning against God. Since those days, I have noticed that Pensacola Christian College's main goal is to keep its students separated for the most part from mainstream society. In fact, they are trying to close down part of a public road to suit their purposes. Also, they tell their students how to dress and behave and do not allow them to date.

Example #2: I was raised in the Baptist church. This time, there was a pastor telling us what to do and how to live. Also, no other belief system in the world was correct except Baptists. Everyone else was simply wrong. I was also taught not to associate with people who did not believe, but in the same breath was told to witness to people about Jesus and tell them that they would burn in Hell forever if they did not accept him. Needless to say, it left me very confused. The Baptist church was where I first encountered the Rapture doctrine. You know the one. Jesus will return to earth and take away all the Christians, leaving everyone else to die horrible deaths at the hands of the Antichrist. Then all the Christians and Jesus would come back to a new earth and reign it forever. Again, there they go leaving people out again. I have always had a problem accepting a loving God wanting to see people suffer, but that's just me, I guess.

Example #3: I was a member of a small church here in Pensacola for 9 years. I did learn a lot there, but even they thought it was okay to leave some people out. They claimed to welcome everyone, but then they would use terrible, hateful words to describe people that were different than they. Again, in one breath, they would say love everyone and then call homosexuals a terrible hate word that I don't want to repeat here. The pastor of the church was very domineering and expected everyone to do everything he said. This is the same church where I was dismissed from a leadership position in a very humiliating way.

These experiences have led me away from church as I previously stated, but it does not change my faith in Jesus Christ and in Christianity. You see, true Christianity is not about following some doctrines and laws. It is about love. That's it. Pure and simple love, nothing more and nothing less. God IS love. And he loves us unconditionally, no matter what. I find it very unfortunate that the church and organized religion has taken Christianity and twisted it into something that people have no desire to be a part of. They are told, in essence, that in order to be accepted by God, they have to change everything that some pastor tells them they should. However, that is really not true. God accepts us just the way we are, and He wants us to accept others just the way they are. He said nothing about telling them everything they are doing wrong. What he did tell us to do was show them love and mercy because that is what Jesus would have shown if He was here. Telling people that they are bad all the time does nothing but encourage that person to be upset and angry all the time.

I believe in accepting everyone. I wish I could start a church because if I did, I would welcome anyone, no matter how they look or how they dress or what kind of lifestyle they lead. Yes, that means anyone from the LBGT groups are welcomed in. I just want a chance to let everyone know how truly loved they are. That is the one thing that Jesus stressed the most. If more people would show love and support to one another, how much better do you think this world could be?

Listen to the words:

If We Are the Body--Casting Crowns