AFRICAN DATING TIPS

noreply@blogger.com (Napoleon O. Dagana) — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 10:59:00 +0000

The male child syndrome in African Marriages

In most cultures, a child is a child – the sex notwithstanding. In Africa it is not quite so. If you have ten children and none of them is a male child, you have no children yet. I know a friend who abandoned his family after his wife gave birth to their eighth successive female child! Unfortunately his ninth child from another woman was also female.

The reasons for this male child preference are not difficult to find. In the absence of an organized social security system in place, most people in Africa depend on their children for sustenance and care giving at their old age. Several arguments have been flying back and forth as regards which set of children care more for their parents at their old age: females or males.

Without going into the merits or demerits of either side of the argument, I personally think and believe taking care of parents at their old age is a very personal matter. It does not appear to depend on sex. However, the availability or otherwise of your child to take care of you during your old age is important. That is where the proponents of male children seem to have a point. Suppose you have three daughters and they are all married to people thousands of miles away, how would they leave their husbands – and families – to take care of you when you are 90? Remember at that age what you need most is care and not money which can be a nuisance if there is nobody to take care of you.

Another point these “male chauvinists” use quite freely is that of the family name disappearing with female children. It is often argued that when your daughters marry, they answer their husbands’ family names which are in turn passed on to your grand children to the detriment of your own name. At the end of the day these are your grand children in all but name.

If you have an opinion – please leave your comments here.

noreply@blogger.com (Napoleon O. Dagana) — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 08:30:00 +0000

AFRICAN DATING TIP #8

Those things your mother never told you.
Written by Napoleon Dagana

For some strange reasons, most girls grow up being closer to their fathers than their mothers. They prefer to confide certain secrets in their fathers rather than their mothers. So it is that they end up missing what their mothers normally would have told them about life because there is a limit to what a father can tell his daughter – no matter how close.

So for you tomboys who prefer your fathers to your mothers here are some of the things your mother failed to tell you while you were growing up.

1. Never love a man more than he loves you. If you show a man that you love him more than he loves you chances are that he will take advantage of your vulnerability. He will break your tender heart at the drop of a hat. There is nothing wrong with loving a man, but keep part of your love – for a rainy day.
2. Do not lose what attracted you to him in the first place. Was it your shape, height, bust, legs or what was it that attracted you so much to him. If you don’t know already, please find out tonight. If, for instance, it was your smile that bought him over and you suddenly become a “frownmaniac” because of circumstances then you are in for a rude shock.
3. Never tell anybody, including yourself, that your husband is a good for nothing asshole and that you are merely doing your best to keep this marriage together. Every marriage is exactly like yours except that some are even worse. The only difference is that having gone into it voluntarily with your eyes wide open, you should be prepared to accept the bye-products with your eyes and mouth closed. Even when you have had no meal all day and the children are crying, tell whoever cares to listen that you are having a ball – that your husband is the best person that God created in this evil world.
4. Don’t push your husband out of your house. What you don’t know is that no sane person would have good food in the house and go outside to eat junk food. So in addition to being a very good cook, you must go out of your way to keep the house tidy, but above all satisfy him sexually – yes that is what I said. Quote me!

noreply@blogger.com (Napoleon O. Dagana) — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 12:57:00 +0000

AFRICAN DATING TIP #7

Men are fools – so they like to marry fools.

Written by Napoleon Dagana

I know men will crucify me but let me explain. If you want to know how wise or foolish a man is then send a beautiful girl to him and see how easily she brings what may have taken you years to achieve without success. The most annoying part is that the more tyrannical a man is, the easier he is for girls to manoeuvre. That is why most marketing companies are now recruiting beautiful young girls as Marketing Executives. If you know how girls pound those men you think are difficult into pulp by just touching them - then you know what I mean.

So if you are a smart, intelligent lady then either you pretend to be a fool or nobody will marry you – yes you heard me right! Men don’t marry smart ladies. They are good enough as girl friends but not as housewives. You want to know the reasons?

When a man goes to the office and “monkeys” around with a girl young enough to be his grand daughter, the last thing he wants is for his wife to know about it. As you are well aware a smart lady will know her husband has been up to something even by watching his steps on his way from the office. As for the strange cologne, some smart ladies can smell that cologne one mile away.

When a man tells his wife he is travelling on a business trip and won’t be back until a week later, a smart lady will easily know when he returns that he did not go alone by just looking into some tell-tale documents. Look at the kind of hotel room he occupied and the meal receipts and you can tell if he was alone or not.

So no man wants a smart lady as a wife. If therefore you want a husband, you either have to be a fool or pretend genuinely to be a fool. The former is natural while the later is acquired. Sometimes you need a combination of the two in a ratio you find convenient for your circumstances.

AFRICAN DATING TIP #6

noreply@blogger.com (Napoleon O. Dagana) — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 10:01:00 +0000

The things men look for in women

Written by Napoleon Dagana

In the course of my matchmaking duties with matrinex.com, I have come across many ladies who describe themselves as “very beautiful, attractive, outgoing, great sense of humour, very good cook” etc. Most of the time I simply keep such profiles aside because no man wants to date a lady who is beautiful enough to be aware that she is beautiful.

Matrinex.com – the world’s #1 African dating site – therefore commissioned a survey recently to find out what qualities men look out for in choosing a date/wife. The results were as amazing as they were instructive. Below are some of the findings:

Name: Top on the list of qualities men look out for in their dates/wives, surprisingly is name. Not the name of the lady but her family name. A good family name (not necessarily wealthy) is a best seller any day. If you are the daughter/son of say, a Bill Clinton, you will have no problem finding a spouse. Unfortunately, such names have a way of attracting themselves and excluding names of not-too-rich or famous people. The result is that they end up marrying themselves.
Humility: Next on the list is Humility. If your father is Bill Gates and you let that get into your head, you are in for a rude shock. On the other hand, if in spite of your family name and wealth you are still humble and down to earth; suitors will queue in front of your gate begging to be your spouse.
Profession: If the survey produced surprises, this one took the icing! Nobody ever expected profession to come up very high on the list of qualities of a spouse but it came up third. As if to rub it in further we did a sub-survey to find out what professions were preferred and which were not desirable.

Preferred: Teaching, Medicine, Architecture, and Engineering

Don’t touch: Nursing, Acting, Broadcasting, ICT, Law, Banking & Finance, and finally Insurance in that order.

Personality: Fourth on the list of requirements for a date/wife is personality. Let me quickly point out here that personality is not synonymous with beauty. Whereas beauty can be a disadvantage, personality is a pre-requisite for a good date/housewife. Every man needs a wife he should be proud to show off but not so beautiful that she requires policing wherever she goes. That is a recipe for disaster!

noreply@blogger.com (Napoleon O. Dagana) — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 10:09:00 +0000

AFRICAN DATING TIP #5

December 1 is World AIDS day.
written by Napoleon Dagana

This post is specially dedicated to the millions of children all over the world who, through no fault of theirs, and for reasons they are too young to understand, had to come into this evil world with a medical albatross – an HIV positive status.

December 1 is World AIDS Day – a day set aside by humanity to attract attention to the mess we have made of this once-beautiful world. As with many other such celebrations, the day has come and gone but what are the lessons it left behind?

Lesson one: That after more than two decades of the first diagnosis of the disease, we have merely found ways and means of managing the monster so that you can live with it.

Lesson two: That the old refrain is still valid – there is no medical cure yet for the disease.

Lesson three: That a poor innocent child can be born with an HIV positive status as a result of mother-to-child transmission. The good Lord must know where humanity crossed the threshold of medical safety.

If an adult is too randy to be faithful to his spouse and ends up being HIV positive, I can understand. If a drug addict who must use syringes and needles for his trade ends up being HIV positive, it is also understandable. But what do you expect the foetus to do in order to avoid being HIV positive at birth? Find out your mother’s HIV status before implantation?

For stupid ignorant people like me the long delay in finding a cure for this pandemic appears deliberate. The figures representing resources allegedly directed towards fighting this scourge are mind boggling but results are few and far between. Apart from the barrage of TV ads and the use of every available media weapon to prove that HIV/AIDS “is real”, the silence in the direction of finding a cure is deafening. Even the blind can see clearly that not much is happening.

My useless empty head tells me that like every African problem may be it is a case of allowing us to stew in our own juice. Available statistics indicate that the HIV/AIDS problem is basically African with more than 70% of those affected and infected coming from my poor Africa. The logic here is that the Western world tried for nearly six decades to get Africans to practice acceptable family planning techniques without success. This is therefore a god-sent compulsory family planning solution.

If you think you can forcefully reduce Africa’s population by delaying finding a solution to this problem, you have another think coming. Coconut heads!

noreply@blogger.com (Napoleon O. Dagana) — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 08:48:00 +0000

AFRICAN DATING TIP #4

The United Nations celebrates November 25 every year as Day for the Elimination of all forms of violence to Women! On top of the list of violent acts targeted is wife battering. I have no quarrel with that. My only grouse is that while the international body was headed by an African, Kofi Annan, nobody celebrated November 25!

You see, in Africa, there is no such thing as wife battering. Every woman requires some tinkering – or in extreme cases panel beating - once a while to stay in line. Just don’t overdo it that is all. If you go over the fence and your wife ends up in hospital, you are on your own. Just don’t tell anybody that you read my post. I hope you know that she can get all sorts of voluntary legal services without paying a dime!

Women (excluding my wife) are chronological adults but biological infants. There is no better way of demonstrating this assertion than watching a woman react to flattery by anybody for her beauty even if she knows she is a lot uglier than a rhino. The reason is very obvious. Women thrive on their looks. Little wonder that any woman would forget anything but her mirror. She needs it to reassure herself that she is making an impression. Massage any woman’s ego and you get whatever you want.

I don’t know how these egg-heads in the United Nations dish out these international days but I understand all of the 365 days have been assigned – more than half of them to women-related issues. If that is the case then 2008 being a leap year will have one day to spare. Could the Secretary-General please consider allocating that day as International day for Bloggers. That way those of us who earn our living writing “rubbish” on the net will have cause to celebrate something - even if it’s nothing! The only down side is that we will be celebrating once every four years which suits me fine.

noreply@blogger.com (Napoleon O. Dagana) — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 11:27:00 +0000

AFRICAN DATING TIP #3

Dating an African is like walking through a minefield of taboos, cultural inhibitions and practices. Some of these practices are understandable but there are others that beat me hands down, even as an African. Take the case of what is now popularly referred to as female genital mutilation – the practice whereby girls are forcefully and deliberately mutilated by removing the clitoris.

You never get to know the origin of some of these cultural practices but I have it on good authority that female genital mutilation has been practiced in Africa for several centuries. The proponents of FGM, for short, say that it was introduced to reduce female promiscuity. It is generally believed that when the clitoris is removed at an early age, the girl grows up with inhibited sexual feelings and therefore less promiscuous.

We could spend the next few months debating this assertion but as a non medical professional, I do not see how the clitoris suddenly became the storehouse of female sexuality to the extent that its removal will inhibit those feelings!

As for sexual promiscuity let me just say here that promiscuity – or the lack of it – is a very personal matter, the absence or presence of a clitoris notwithstanding. Ask any commercial sex worker and she will readily tell you that she does what she is doing not because she enjoys doing it but because she was forced into it by circumstances.

The good news is that the practice is gradually being phased out – thanks to donor Agencies like UNICEF and western education. Some girls are known to have absconded from their parents’ homes just to avoid being forcefully mutilated. The bad news is that the mutilation is so thorough in some cases that the result is irreversible as the clitoris is not known to have the ability to regenerate with time.

Unfortunately, I am not in a position to tell anybody what role the clitoris plays in the life of a woman as, being a man, I never had one. All I can say is that God would not have included the clitoris in the female anatomy if it was completely useless. As for the argument about curbing promiscuity, I think some men should have the male equivalent of the clitoris cut off because promiscuity is the middle name of most men.

noreply@blogger.com (Napoleon O. Dagana) — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 16:06:00 +0000

AFRICAN DATING TIP #2

noreply@blogger.com (Napoleon O. Dagana) — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 12:06:00 +0000

There are no universally applicable rules in dating or marriage!

As any adult would have noticed, dating – or marriage of any kind – is not a bed of roses. Like any given human relationship there are bound to be disagreements, or should I say misunderstanding between the two relating partners.

When you disagree with your partner, what this tip is saying is that never try a solution to your problem because it worked for your friend. The reason is very simple. For some strange reasons, everybody is a unique creature. Genetically, you are a randomly selected cross breed between your mother, father – sometimes grandparents – and even more, but unique all the same. That is putting it as simply as possible but the explanation is that everybody is unique in temperament, upbringing and tolerance.

That is why when next you have a problem with your spouse, don’t fall into the temptation of bringing your friend to “settle” the matter. Your friend may be more experienced in dealing with such situations but chances are that he/she may never have dealt with somebody exactly like your spouse. His/her spouse may be more tolerant and understanding than yours. So whatever piece of advice your friend gives may not be suitable in your circumstances.

A simple example may suffice. Mrs. A thinks her spouse is cheating on her. She calls her friend Mrs. B and explains to her. Mrs. B who has a more understanding spouse “advises” Mrs. A to starve her spouse of sex in the hope that Mr. A will like Mr. B come begging. Unknown to Mrs. A, Mr B is a more stubborn guy. So what did Mr. A do? He moved out of their matrimonial home very late in the night and did not return till the next morning. In the morning Mr. A had a change of clothes, left the house and did not return until five days later.

A second example is that of a friend who had a slight misunderstanding with his spouse. His spouse called her friend who advised that if her spouse ever repeated such “rubbish” she should “slap” the daylights out of him. Two weeks later my friend was caught in the same act again and like a bolt out of the blues his spouse crossed his face with her five fingers! My friend was dazed momentarily but when he recovered he remembered his younger days as a wrestler and decided to re-enact his wrestling prowess – with his spouse. His spouse spent a little under three weeks in hospital.

The lesson to be learnt here is that every couple should find a home-grown panacea for settling their differences. Leave out all friends, relations and, even parents because none of them has working knowledge or experience of dealing with your kind of spouse. Your wife may physically look like her mother but several notches above her mother in temperament and tolerance. Her mother may belong to the old school whereas your spouse may be a modern-day Harvard-educated tigress merely caged by circumstances – and the environment!

You may not know it but there is no perfect marriage or relationship anywhere. Every couple is bending over backwards to show the decent side of their relationship to the outside world. The more they succeed in doing this the better and longer-lasting their relationship. So if your spouse insists of showing her friends and relations the wrong side of your marriage seams, then the chances are that your relationship may not be longer than the threads the tailor used in holding the seams together. If, for instance, there is no food on the table, and the first person she informs is her mother, then you don’t have a wife yet.

So folks, when next you have a slight misunderstanding with your spouse, try your own solution, after all you are supposed to know your spouse better than anybody else, including his/her parents.

noreply@blogger.com (Napoleon O. Dagana) — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 10:59:00 +0000

AFRICAN DATING TIPS
By Uncle Dagana

Hi folks,

When we launched Matrinex.com earlier this year little did we know that we were opening the proverbial Pandora’s Box. In the last seven months or so of our Website’s grand entry into the field of African dating, we have been bombarded with questions and enquiries about what it takes to keep an African date. As you very well know, there is a limit to everything – including endurance.

It is in response to these numerous enquiries that we launch, today, the maiden edition of our Blog – African Dating Tips – in the hope that we will be in a position to address some of the anxieties and concerns of our numerous clients and well wishers all over the world.

Let me warn some of our readers that the tips we intend to give are simply what the word implies: tips. They are intended to serve as guidelines for dating African women and not hard and fast rules of general application to all and sundry. As any veteran in this business of dating will tell you, there are no universal laws in dating. What applies beautifully in situation one may crash disastrously in the next situation – and that is understandable. Everybody is unique and has different levels of tolerance, patience, understanding and the ability to forgive and forget for the sake of a relationship.

So welcome to our African dating tips blog. We hope you find it useful but if for any reason you find it boring and unreadable, please reach out for your mouse!

AFRICAN DATING TIP #1

African marriages and dates are unions between two families!

If you are new to African dating or marriage this is one point you must consider seriously before getting involved. Most cultures in Africa, be it North, South East or West, regard a marriage not just as a union between the bride and the groom as in most other cultures, but a fusion between the two participating families. On the surface there does not appear to be any problem, but in practice it can be resource-sapping, unless you are a Bill Gates!

You may not have heard of this but there is this ugly family monster called extended family system in Africa. The extended family system ensures that every bride has a retinue of uncles, aunties, cousins (both paternally and maternally) who in turn have children and grand children. When you add these to her siblings, what you have is a bouquet of children and grand children from all sources waiting to go to school at the expense of you and your wife.

If you are lucky, and very few people are that lucky, they stop at asking you to pay their way through school. Those who are not so lucky and they are in the majority, end up wanting and succeeding in staying as non-paying guests of your family – sometimes for life! The result is that the standard of living of your own family is compromised to the extent that your own children have to play second fiddle to these children of your wife’s uncles, cousins and whoever else. The things men have to endure for love!

If these extra burdens fail to bring you down financially, then wait for this. Your wife naturally becomes pregnant. What to do? Her mother in the village has to come and baby-sit your newborn baby – for six months! Naturally, your mother-in-law must come along with your wife’s last sibling. After six months, your mother-in-law goes home but forgets a vital hand luggage! You come home from work one day and discover, with some relief, that your mother-in-law has finally left for home but you soon discover to your chagrin that she deliberately left behind your wife’s 11 year old sibling. Unknown to you, the poor girl has no intention of leaving – ever – because she is now used to a new standard of living. Chances are that your own wife is party to the conspiracy. Your wife’s 11 year-old sister is now the newest member of your family set to explode at the seams.

For those who are in love with African dates and/or wives, it is not totally bad news as this author is trying to make you believe. Remember, I said earlier on that in matters of marriage and dating there are no universal rules and regulations of general application. Not every African wife will saddle you with responsibilities even before you are ready to settle down to a life of marital bliss. Come to think of it, has anyone ever told you that African women are the most hard-working and painstakingly resourceful women on this planet – yes, believe me.

African women do not sit down cross-legged in their living rooms and wait for their men to provide everything. Those of them who went to school, and there are many of them who now go to school, are prepared to work full-time in an office, engage in a trade part-time in addition to being a housewife 24/7! As any housewife will gleefully tell you, being a housewife is more than ten times more difficult than being the man of the house. It is only in Africa that the woman comes from her office job, dead tired, throws her office paraphernalia on the bed, dashes for her kitchen just to make sure dinner is ready for the family. While in the kitchen, she keeps one eye on the food and the second eye on the kids – of all ages! Don’t ask me what the man of the house usually does while the wife is slaving to keep the home – most of the time nothing – sweet nothing!

Now you know why the traffic is unusually heavy with people queuing to have African wives.