After and Before

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 18:28:00 +0000

Today's Lolcat shot, that is not really cats, but does offer a lol.

So we finished the change of status paperwork, thanks to the help of a lawyer, sort of.

My Income for last year pulls me under the threshold for sponsoring solo. I have to find a joint sponsor.

A Joint Sponsor doesn't actually have to do anything, despite all the scary paperwork. But they do have to produce three years of tax records and a birth certificate. Neither of my parents are big on releasing tax records. Then again, neither am I, really. But I'm in L-O-V-E. And stuff. And well, he's my husband. I'm not real inclined to buy into this whole "We're going to ship him back to Egypt if you can't find another 2 grand to push you over the threshold, despite the fact that you can clear treshold with current income." But see THAT would be common sense...which has NOTHING to do with Immigration Law.

Have you ever heard anyone say that "90% of the law is common sense."? Yeah..we found the other ten percent.

Mom came to town to work for the week. Happy to have her around for a bit. I drink more when she's about, but never anything worth mentioning. You hardly see someone going "OMG I was so wasted on that margarita I had at lunch man!"

Job's fine. Life's fine. LERV being married to this guy (he does dishes!)

Trying to think of what to make for dinner tonight....though I'm likely to just pick something up on the way home.

Oh and Bath & Body works is having their 5 for $25 sale online. So go hit it there.

DONE DID IT

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:48:00 +0000

Yeah, I did.

It was quiet, it was simple. It was surprisingly quick. I couldn't be Happier. I got my Mrs. A little faster than we thought, but in light of some recent events, we didn't really have the luxury or desire to wait around.

Actually marrying him meant he needed to change his status in the US. I made the offer to sponsor him, NOT the other way around. Of course that's because us Americans are taught all our lives how open and accepting we are of immigrants and so I figured the process would be easy.

W-R-O-N-G!!!!!!!!!

This Blog may well become a Chronicle of my "Adventures in Immigration".

Let's explain the process, as best I have it now. And watch it change over the next year or so?

The Hub is entitled to certain benefits being married to a United States Citizen. Among those (Other than his own USAA Account) is an automatic permanent resident status or "Green Card." This green card is conditional upon his marriage to me and upon our remaining married for the next two years. After those Two Years, I will have to apply again to have the conditional status removed. The form you fill out to start this process is called an I-130.

I now firmly believe that the Department of Homeland Security has turned to Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy for their training manual. I really should build a little flow chart for folks so they can see how all these departments connect..but..they don't actually connect, they don't even talk to each other. But I have been told NUMEROUS times that USCIS (Snazzy Anagram for United States Citizenship and Immigration Services) is a subdepartment of DHS (Department of Homeland Security) and has within it, not only the USCIS, but Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), and the Executive Office for Immigration Review (EOIR). Not to mention the TSA (Who I know have a proper name, but for whom I have a very nasty name in light of my last random security check). So let me cover this again....

HOMELAND SECURITY is the office that processes and handles the paperwork associated with a change in status from temporary to permanent resident. The same people who make us take off our shoes at the airport, who have determined that I am going to hijack a 747 with a bottle of Prell, who have color coded each and every day of my life since 9/11....this INCREDIBLY useful, efficient model of Governmental science is going to Usefully and Efficiently document and uphold my rights, and the rights of my husband?

Should I really be surprised that this process can take up to a year? Some instant visa, huh?

So. Yes, Homeland Security uses Hitchiker's as their procedural guidebook. Asking why? Vogons. Yup. I now understand, deeply, inimately, what a Vogon is. They are in USCIS, and if you don't have the right color sheet of paper...you are officially and governmentally Screwed.

By the way.. this I-130? Is just my application to sponsor his change of status. Costs $350.00 to file. Does that make him a Permanent resident? NO.

He has to file, simultaneously, an I-485 Request for change of Status. This is the whopper. Essentially it's this form, his marriage certificate (he has to prove he married me, I don't.), an I-693 that says he's not crazy, not bringing in any STDs or Tuberculosis, and a serious of forms that says he's married a sugar momma who can take care of him and keep him off the welfare system for ten years. Oh and something called Biometrics, which is used for his Background check to make sure he's not a criminal on the lam. This has a WHOLE Separate set of fees attached to it that totals out close to $1100... just in fees. The Dr's appointment for the TB test and STd Tests? $400. So. we're hovering at around $2,000.00 just getting paperwork together to go into the system.

And you wonder why Mexicans just jump the fence and come on over? As Illegals, they find work just fine, get paid in cash so no taxes, and have an easier time getting on the welfare system than a legally placed permanent resident.

Trust me. Homeland Security does NOTHING to protect the Immigrant-phobes of the Nation. And they never will. Not until we figure out the right form on the right color sheet of paper.

Christmas Review

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 22:56:00 +0000

Okay, so the fella is the coolest guy on the planet. Not only did he buck it up and deal with a holiday he doesn't believe in, he actually enjoyed himself.

I think he enjoyed shopping for presents (or sending me out shopping). He enjoyed meeting my family and being around them. He enjoyed dinner. He enjoyed the cappucino machine mom sent me for Christmas. (THANKS MOM)

He enjoyed the chattering in the family, the hanging out, the closeness...

I think he even enjoyed midnight Mass.

He was scared initially. And I told him that while I would love for him to go with me, I would never force him. But I would ask him. So I asked.

And he set foot in a church for the first time in his life that night. he watched mostly. Stood up and sat down when I did, but didn't kneel, though he was curious about the kneelers. (They're padded you know)

I forgot to warn him about the "Peace be With You" bit. He seemed a little surprised. But overall he was cool with the whole thing. he's ben rather tight lipped to me on his impressions. Though I can't quite tell if it's because his English doesn't express it as well, or if he's just not entirely sure what to think.

Lessee. Oh yeah, changed Jobs. Went back to Law. Love my Boss. Love my office.

FOUND THE LUSH STORE IN ATLANTA! Stocked up. Am Planning on making a trek up there as soon as time and finances permit to go crazy.

Making a Chicken cheezy pasta thing for dinner tonight with a salad and garlic toasted Artisan Bread.

And of course things continue to be forthcoming. Love my T-Mobile Wing though.

"You Have Arrived"

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 20:11:00 +0000

Or so my GPS tells me.

The spanking new Magellan Roadmate 1200.

Pictures forthcoming, and further review.

I suck at Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 07:06:00 +0000

You ever just runout of stuff to say?

Or... is there ever so much happening, you can't seem to find the time or brain power to post it all?

I've been proposed to. Seriously legitmately, ring in hand talked to my dad proposed to.

Which... get this...My Dad? He loves him. My Very Southern, dad, who I had always seen as one of the more prejudiced influences in my life...asked him to go play golf. He never asked the ex to do anything (not that I blame him). But My dad smacking balls on the driving range with his Egyptian son-in-law is not an image I ever really built in my mind.

I'm still trying to man up and break it to Mom and Steve. Which, I guess if they read my blog, then I suppose I have.

I say break it, because I worry that my getting remarried (especially in light of the fact I haven't been divorced for a terribly long time) will make me seem weak, or needy or I don't know.. less independent that I should be or something.

Here's the clincher...and I'll say it to you nice anonymous or semi-anonymous readers before I will my own parents. I'm crazy in love with him. I am more sure about marrying this guy in less than a year than I was in five years of living with the ex. He cranks my tractor, revs my engine..whatever you want to call it. But it's not the crazy biological thing I had in Canada... this is.. spiritual. It's a weird simple connection.. someone who likes to get ice cream on Sundays at Coldstone Creamery. Someone who thinks the best food is cooked at home. Someone who will stop in the middle of a commute because the sunset looks awesome. Someone who just knows when I need a hug, or an ear... and here's the weird part... someone who I seem to be able to know that stuff about too. Someone who couldn't posibly come from amore different background...who gets me, and who I get more than I ever have anyone.

Yes, we have covered the kids base....Though I'll unveil that bridge when we burn it, and the Why.

Other things I need to do:

Product reviews for the following new toys: The T-Mobile Wing (Happy Birthday to me!); the iPod iTouch (Happy Birthday to me also)

Book reviews for: The Girl in the Tangerine Scarf and Does My Head Look Big In This

And my Lament about my Amazon Wish List...and the afianced's first experience with family holidays (the redneck side not the screaming techno-liberal side)

And well. Holy Crap. I'm getting married....again....

5 hours to Costco

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 08:03:00 +0000

Montgomery gets it's very first Costco in five hours. Not a milisecond to soon. Would have been handy for it to be open at the start of Ramadan, but hey we takes what we gets.

I now have great respect for the large meals my Mom puts together at Christmas. It'snotjust the cooking, it's the cleaningup too.

Tonight's Eftar: Roast Chicken, mashed potatoes, parker house rolls, something green and healthy, cucumber dill salad, and something sweet from Fresh Market. Will probably also set out some hummus with the dates.

Wake Up CNN!

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Sat, 29 Sep 2007 18:42:00 +0000

I've been sluggish this month, I know, and sorry for that.

So I got the new iPod nano. At 150 bucks and with video capability, I no longerhad an excuse to avoid the incredibly addictive allure of Apple hype.

Well, let's start out by saying it's not hype. I LOVE this thing. It's adorable, tiny, and the screen is surprisingly clear. Plus, it really opened up the whole iTunes fun for me.

I found Podcasts. LOTS of Podcasts. From all over the world. And that segues nicely into my current topic.

When I first moved to Canada, I was really stunned by the news. I had gotten so used to US news that I had almost forgotten the rest of the world was out there. All of a sudden we weren't doing the right thing. Iraqi children were bleeding in the streets, not bouncing along after HumV's that were throwing candy out the windows. Women weeping streetside werento weeping out of joy, but because they couldn't purchase or prepare food for their families. This was a VERY ugly America. Totally messed up my head. I mean America's the country of free speach, we have rules that protect the press and let them say whatever they want about America. And they still sugarcoat things for us?

I think I had almost forgotten about that moving back to the US. The news feeds us, and we forget, as it's pretty much constant, that it is not a perfect unbiased look at anything. We get lulled into the news. It's our lullaby, our coffee, but it never truly wakes us up.

So I found a podcast called Mosaic, which is produced by LinkTV. It takes chunks of news from Middle Eastern countries and mushes them together into a neat little 30 minute show. Want to know how bad the American Bias is?

The Iranian President shows up for the UN and gives a talk at Colombia U. Good. I like hearing what people have to say, especially when they are on the other side of a war from us. All three major news channels: CNN, Fox, and MSNBC reported on this pretty momentous occaision. There was hype as he wanted to give his anti-America speach at Ground Zero. We were all jazed up. And I imagine most of America got great chuckle when all three news networks reported that there are no Gays in Iran. Which, byt the way, is the entirety of what was reported.

So I catch the Mosaic podcast for the same day. Al Jazeera, Israel News, Dubai, Palestine all covered the same event. But what do they report? Not the gay remark. Not one single word of it. Instead they showed the VERY scary things he said about their nuclear program. They showed the French President calling him out on it. Wait a minute? Why didn't one of our networks cover this? Egypt, one of Israel's first (and few) arab Nation supporters is starting to buckle under the influence of the Islamic Brotherhood, a fundamentalist movement seeking to restore Sharia to Egypt...on the surface. They're also a very anti-Israel movement. Don't know if anyone noticed but (a) Egypt is RIGHT NEXT to Israel...and (b) They have fought with Israel before over borders that are still a little sketchy. Does anyone else think Egypt going anti-Israel is a bad thing?

Where the heck is this on the American news? Quit trying to make Iran and the Arab world a joke and start seriously looking at who is coming into power. That's news to wake up to.

Second time down the aisle?

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 21:59:00 +0000

I’m often asked if or when will I marry again. Did the first time leave such a bad taste in my mouth? I don’t know really. So I’ll write it out and see if it does.

I met the Ex when I was 19. Not so much one on looks, I was seeking substance. I mean this in the least possibly vain way, but hot guys with no brains were a dime a dozen to me and I would inevitably lose patience with them and drop them, making them feel worthless and making me feel insensitive. The Ex was attractive, but he was smart too. He was also 25.

I strung him along for a couple of months, keeping him as a friend but not letting the relationship lapse into “Dating” per se. Mind you, he wasn’t allowed to date anyone else, but I was. God I was a selfish spoiled little brat at 19.

Eventually I got tired of that, and figured he wouldn’t hang around forever, so we started dating, and dating lapsed into living together. I found myself shedding a lot of my own life in favor of adapting to his. I ate like him, slept like him, read like him. He was, honestly, my very best friend, and in retrospect, we loved (and still love) each other dearly, but lacked that….chemistry that makes a married couple married, you know?

We had the big wedding. We went through some incredible tragedies, but we had each other, and stuck it out. Then, when there wasn’t anything wrong anymore…no more joint adversary, we turned on each other…hard.

10 years of relationship, five years of marriage fell apart because nothing was wrong…

So the idea of marriage kind of weirded me out after that. I’ve been through my “Marriage is a tool of the devil” phase and my “all marriages fail, so what’s the point?” phase. Add in a “I like him too much to marry him” phase, and well I come out on the other side.

I know how much work it is. I know how much of a personal sacrifice it is of space, privacy and individuality. Most importantly, I know where I went wrong, and see how I could easily avoid making that mistake again. I want to have a family someday, so I suppose that means getting married.

But the idea is scary as hell, the investment of time, money and emotions is staggering, especially when you’re concerned those are three things you don’t have enough of for yourself.

The Fella and I are coming up on being together for eight months. In that time, I’ve decided things are really good. He’s a wonderful kind person, calm, bright, polite and well-mannered. I find him incredibly attractive. His pace is a LOT slower than mine. I’m more of a “Make the decision, execute the decision” kind of person…he takes his time…something that I know drives me bonkers.

I have to decide if the things I don’t like about him are things I can live with for the rest of my life. Because the only thing I can tell you for certain today is that should I get married again, I will become a widow before I will be a divorcee`.

Say what???

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 15:07:00 +0000

And they say that Southerners are racist pigs....

Critics Ignored Record of a Muslim Principal
A quote from the article:

“I hope it burns to the ground just like the towers did with all the students inside including school officials as well,” wrote an unidentified blogger on the Web site Modern Tribalist, a hub of anti-immigrant sentiment. A contributor identified as Dave responded, “Now Muslims will be able to learn how to become terrorists without leaving New York City.”

Oh. My. Dear. Sweet. Lord.

Why I'm a Multi-Culti Junkie

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 14:00:00 +0000

My father tells me, when I get married next (he's hanging on to the hope of grandchildren), I should marry someone with as much in common with me as possible. His image of that is a Nice well-to-do Southern man with a little more education than is good for him who likes to hunt, fish and play golf. Which, technically is more in common with my dad than with me...but who am I to argue? I'm a miserable golfer.

I point out that he and his wife have little in common. He's travelled, she hasn't. He loves tromping around in the woods, she'd rather stick pins in her eyes. He likes beer, motorcycles, guns, boats, the beach. She hates those things. So what's so comon between them? Their background, he tells me. They were raised in similar situations. Rural, not that wealthy. They climbed trees and got chigger bites picking blackberries as kids. They came from church-going southern protestant families. So this is the groundwork of commonality he means.

Okay so I need to find someone who was raised like me. Oh dear. Someone who saw more of the world before they could do long division than most people see their whole lives. Someone who was raised with absolutely no sense of racial division (Thanks Mom, Steve, Willie and Debra!). Need a man who's education is a mishmosh between the elite ivy league and the barely literate. Yeah...like that's going to happen.

So I'm apparently a hard fit if I try to match up background-wise. But my formative years were spent in non-American cultures. So I love other cultures. Not just to read about. But to eat like and dress like. I have a Kimono Collection. I know how to make at least four different dishes using Bacalhau. I like the Shisha (sometimes). I can say "Hello" "How are you?" "Please" and "Thank you" in seven different languages. If I ever had a dream job, it would be as a Travel writer.

So when it comes to a life partner, I think I need someone from another culture. I need someone who I can learn from, who challenges my brain and sensibilities. Someone who I can take care of in terms of protecting them from boorish insensitive Americans. Someone who likes to travel.

The Portuguese guy in Canada seemed a good fit. His family was basically mine, if we lived in Portugal. His parents were both remarried after an icky divorce. But he was, I think, more happy being sad than I could cope with. Portuguese people has a beautful sad nostalgia to them that makes great food, music and poetry. But being depressed all the time is bad for me.

So now we have the fella. He's Egyptian. But he's cheerful, pleasant and calm. Calm I need. I can be a ball of rumbling chaos sometimes. He's polite, which I LOVE. But where the Portuguese guy had at least been raised Catholic and his father was a C&E Catholic; the fella is Muslim. Strangely I find that a benefit. It gives me something new to learn about. And I am a rapid absorbing sponge when given something to latch onto and learn. He practices his faith. He prays and fasts and is kind and charitable. But he's not scary at all. By the way, I don't mean that Islam is scary, I mean that any religion that consumes the mind beyond intellect or reason is scary to me. Fundamental Christians scare the bejeezus out of me. He approaches his faith with a sense of practicality and logic I admire. "There is no compulsion in religion," he says, "And your religion should be simple. It's not a hardship. It's a part of your life, one of the best parts." he's told me. I like that thought. If all of Islam were like him, I would have converted in a heartbeat.

So here, I have to point out that I can't follow my dad's advised. Children are not raised like me. I can hear the "Army brats are raised like that!" and I can only say, yeah, but I haven't met one who clicks with me. Most I have met (And living near two AF Bases, I have met more than my share) resent the travelling and moving. If they have lived abroad, they resent coming back to America.

Besides, I need the exotic in my life. An Army Brat, god bless and love them and their families, only carries a shadow of that, and I like living my life in technicolor.

Just needed to be said

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 22:09:00 +0000

I am a
Snapdragon

What Flower
Are You?

Monkeytoes

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 13:43:00 +0000

I dunno. I couldn't think of a title for my post.

So I think I'm basically working out someone's two weeks for my job. Not too surprising. I hate these kind of things. When you interview, you look your best, you seem competent and you can talk about how competent you are. When you're working the job...well, you don't always look perfect.

I'm not sure what to do with this information. I mean basically I hope my boss is happy with his choice, since that's the most important thing, and I suppose, despite the nausea, that it's good that I have some advance notice so that I can get rolling on getting another job lined up.

Sucks because I liked this one. I guess privately I hope that she'll crack. The boss is a tough nut and can be rather difficult at times. But I understand where the difficulty comes from, and so I don't sweat it. I know it isn't personal, even when it seems like it is.

I'll miss the people I work with. I like them an awful lot.

Guess I'll go ahead and get the filing caught up.

Not sure where things are going or what I'll be doing. But I'll keep folks updated. I'll admit to being more than a little scared.

I hate this feeling

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 17:12:00 +0000

I'm kind of on pins and needles. There are some big career type decisions forthcoming, And I'm not really making them. So I have that rolling feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes me crave coffee and dodge food. I'll have it until I know for sure what's going on.

Makes me wonder sometimes if I would be happier with my life if I didn't know the things I know. If I just kind of drifted along... Not really..because it's the not knowing that drives me batty.

So I get a phone call last night from the nice folks at Islamicity.com. Having requested a Qu'ran from them (I am apparently collecting different translations), they like to follow up with a phone to see if you will say your Shahadah over the phone. On some level I appreciate the work they do, I know they're trying to make Islam accessible and understandable for people. On another level, if I ever do take the Shahada, I don't think I'll do it over the phone. Conversion or, according to Ahmed of Islamicity, reversion, seems like, I don't know, maybe something that should at least be done in person, if not with some degree of ritual. Maybe that's my Catholic ritualistic sensibilities talking.

So Ahmed calls, interrupting my dinner of re-heated pizza and Mythbusters, and we end up on the phone for hours. I know they give these nice people scripts, and I get some sort of private thrill out of making them break out of their script. I mean seriously, if you want to talk about something as personal as religion with me, I need to know who you are. Ahmed is from Sudan, attended UAB for his MBA and lives in LA now where he can't find a decent apartment for a decent price and misses the lower cost of living in Alabama, but woud not give up the larger community he is a part of now.

See? That's what I do. I make it personal. I love learning about people and talking to them and sharing a little bit of life and connecting. I do it at work, and the people who call my boss frequently know me by name, and I know their wives, families, the things that are going on in their lives, and I keep it all straight. I know who has grandchildren and who has children getting married and who is stressed out by work and whose kids are driving them crazy. I know these things because I ask, politely always, but people do like to talk a little and know that someone is genuinely interested in them. And I am. They call it being personable.

So Ahmed decides last night that even though I didn't take the Shahadah over the phone, in his eyes, I am "Unofficially Muslim." And he said my Arabic, while limited, is beautiful. I don't know how the fella feels about this yet, he's been a little reserved on the topic. Mostly because I know he's trying to let me find my own way. Sometimes because I think my questions are getting too hard for him now.

Want to go to Roly Poly? aka Should I fast?

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 19:10:00 +0000

The fella apparently got Roly Poly on the brain for lunch today, that's where we ended up going. I really do enjoy spending time with him. He's fun to talk to, likes to laugh and play a bit, which is something I really need when the office starts wearing on me.

Still cracks me up when he uses his American name, though. He does it because some people, especially in the deep south, have a hard time pronouncing his name, or his name starts up conversation that he would sometimes rather avoid. He just doesn't picture well in my mind as anything other than what he is.

I ordered him a present for Ramadan. Since they can be difficult to get here, I found a place online where I could order a miswak..which is a kind of natural toothbrush stick thing. Since most practicing Muslims avoid brushing their teeth during daylight hours in order to preserve their fasting state, they need an alternative way to take care of business...hence the Miswak. Mohammed was big on their use, so most people are allowed to use them...especially since they don't require water and rinsing and stuff. I'll own up to being incredibly curious as to how they function and how well they function. Maybe for Eid I'll hook him up with one of those hoses that attaches to the toilet for cleaning.

The ex and I resolved our difference of opinion. We're trying to be very grown up and mature and amicable..but we all slip sometimes.

I'm thinking of joining the fella as he fasts over Ramadan..maybe a sort of test-drive of Islam in a way..maybe more of a misery loves company kind of thing. We'll see. Or, if anyone reads this, what do you think? Should I fast during Ramadan?

If at first you don't succeed....

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 19:50:00 +0000

Repeat yourself until their eyes bleed.

The fella's latest debate tactic is thinning my nerves badly. I called him to see if he wanted to meet up for lunch.

"Habibi, I'm going out to run some errands."

Okay. Now here I would like to blame my American directness for not GUESSING that was a "no" right away. So I ask him if he would like to meet outside of his store, maybe Roly Poly? I get a long, thoughtful pause. He likes Roly Poly...a LOT.

"Habibi, I'm going to run errands."

Right, got that. American people need to hear the word "No" sometimes apparently. I chalk this up to a language breakdown and persist.

"Maybe I'm gonna meet you then I'm gonna be late. I'm going to run some errands."

Literally we just talked circles around each other for more than ten minutes before I just gave up.

I'm feeling like I'm in a mental brick wall anyways today. Work's piling up faster than I can put it out, and lunch? Yeah I had no time for lunch.

Thinking of Pizza for dinner.

One of my more embarassing moments

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 20:27:00 +0000

Recently, I took my fella to a concert along with his brother and one of his best friends. My fella is Egyptian, as are his brother and friend. I'm white. We turned over our tickets and passed through the security checkpoint where I sailed through, but all three of the men with me were pulled aside and searched. I'm still trying to figure out if I am more appalled about what the security personnel did (pretty obviously profiling) or that I didn't have the spine at time to say anything.

I don't think of myself as a racist. But I think I have become accustomed certain privileges my race affords me. I rarely get stopped at security checkpoints. I get warnings instead of speeding tickets. I am accustomed to quick service in restaurants, good seats, being treated well in stores and over the phone. All of these things I take for granted, and I see that more and more when I am with my fella.

I may not be a racist, but am I benefiting from a racist society and thereby promoting it?
So where was my spine this weekend? Why didn't I speak up to the security personnel? Not even a sarcastic "Profile much?" escaped my lips.

I'm still trying to figure that out.

1,001 Questions

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 19:49:00 +0000

Continuing with pulls from my facebook notes, to elaborate on my crisis of faith:

There's a God, for sure. I'm pretty comfortable with that idea. I recently heard it verbalized well by Baba Ali in his "Why Islam" episode of the Reminder series: That just be cause you can't see the architect standing in front of his building, it doesn't mean you think he doesn't exist, or that all the components of the building came together by some cosmic accident.

I think God is perfect, or what we understand to be perfect, loving and compassionate. When we say that we are made in God's image, I don't think that means God has hands and feet (unless He wants them) I think that means that we are free to choose whether we will love him back or not; and whether we will show that love or not. It's the greatest gift we could have been given..the capacity to choose.

We express our love for God through emulating (however weakly) His characteristics. When we show love, kindness and compassion to our fellow man, it's as close to God as we can get. I don't just mean words. It's pretty across the board that no one believes people who say one thing and do another. No one believes that a man who abuses his wife loves her. In that same sense, God's not gonna buy it if we say we love him, but hurt others in our actions. We had to be taught what constituted acts of love against acts of selfishness. Which is what I largely believe the point of Religion to be...the teaching tool for us to learn to express love. Rather, ideally it's the tool for that. People aren't perfect, and never can be. Which is why we screw up so much.

Making that choice to be loving or selfish is difficult. Will I hurt myself to help another? It goes against basic instinct to do so, so why do we consider that an expression of love? Because when we do express love, it's as close to God as we can get, and God's in a pretty cool place.

I'm comfortable with the idea of a judgment. I don't think it'll take a day. But using our concept of time as a marker, there is going to come a point where God sits down with us and helps us to see the choices we have made. He'll be able to look with us through our lives and see which of us loved him, and which of us didn't. And those of us who lived our lives in an attempt to express that love, will get to hang out with God. Those of us that didn't love him, and lived only to fulfill our own selfish needs, will get to accept the consequences of that choice and be removed from God.

I always liked the theory that Hell wasn't sulfur and brimstone and being poked with pitchforks; but that Hell is regret, the absence of God's presence, and his withdrawal. Not out of lack of love, but because of it. Even parents can only be kicked in the teeth so much before they just have to say, "You don't love me, that's okay. It's your choice not to love me. So I'll give you what you want, and won't have anything to do with you anymore."

So having that basis of faith...taking all the scripture out of it, stripping it down to the raw components, I have building blocks for the questions I have.

It's difficult for me to accept the idea of a points system for the afterlife. While I just said that a life lived expressing love with result in an afterlife of closeness with God; doing "good deeds" so to speak just to insure that sort of takes the most important component out of it: Love. Doing good for good's sake, because someone or something needs help and you are able to help them is an expression of love. In my discussion with the fella, I hear a lot of "Well this act counts as 25 of these other acts," or something similar. Catholicism has this too. We call it the Indulgence system. So which is greater? An act done for extra afterlife points, or an act of selflessness?

Separating the culture from the religion is a difficulty across the board. Again, something common to Catholicism and to Islam. But on the books, Islam is a very sexually progressive religion: being among the first to offer women the right to choose their spouse, to hold them equal in the eyes of God, to speak of them with respect, and, as well, to consider their pleasure and needs, while usually different from those of a man, to be equally important in the survivability of a marriage. Islam approaches sex from an angle of communion, a necessary and pleasurable act for both men and women. Christianity, on the books, fails on this point, viewing women as inferior to men, separated from God, the source of sin, and sex is for procreation and no other purpose. So my question would be, how is it that Today's Christian-based cultures typically offer women a more equal footing than the Muslim-based cultures? I know the reasoning behind Christian women not typically being clergy (something that is changing); but why can't Muslim women be Imams? They are, in God's eyes, equal in standing and intelligence. I have seen female Islamic Scholars. So why can they not be Imam?

What is the official Islamic standing on the crucifixion? I have heard that another man was crucified in Christ's place, and I have read Ahmed Deedat's theory that the crucifixion didn't actually kill Christ. So if Jesus got a stand-in, why would God deceive people? Going back to my basic idea that God is perfect, God isn't a deceiver, he doesn't lie. Why would God Lie?

I see, as I read the Qu'ran, a lot of bits that pertain directly to Mohammed, such as the accusations against one of his wives, as well as the squabble between his wives. A perfect recitation would speak in generalities, wouldn't it? I mean certainly there can be examples of Mohammed's life that can be used to teach others, but if that's the case, then certainly that same rule must apply to Jesus and the Gospels, that of course they aren't the perfect recitation of the word of God..but that lessons can be gleaned from the writings of the men who walked with Jesus. Same goes for Moses and Abraham. Why is there such a broad spectrum rejection of the previous scriptures..even to the point of people referring to Jesus as "So Called"? Why, when the Qu'ran is so very clear on it's approach to previous scripture (They must be studied, the people who follow them must be treated with respect), is there such a broad spectrum of disrespect toward them?

While the Shi'ite view toward Jihad, violence (when necessary) and the other Abrahamic faiths is more in line with American Mass Media's perception of Islam, why is it that the Terrorist groups we fear the Most (Al Qaeda) declare themselves Sunni?

Going to Atlanta..my crisis of faith explained, sorta

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 16:14:00 +0000

The following something I posted on my facebook page in my notes. It explains sort of where my head is on this whole crisis of faith thing.

I had to explain my crisis of faith to the Fella last night. I had been trying all day to find the words, and they would get incredibly tangled up. Considering his first language isn't English, my convoluted mumblings and half sentences couldn't have been easy for him.So he comes over for dinner that night, mostly because he knows I was making lamb and rice and okra and tomatoes.

To any Muslims who get all hinky because he's coming to my house, he's been entrusted with my key. I don't have family here anymore and since his family's on the other side of the planet, we watch out for each other. Things are kept above-board.

So he pins me down on my faith issues. I pull out a copy of the Bible (NIV) and the Qu'ran (Abdullah Yusuf Ali's translation) and we st down with it and start picking apart the Islamic approach to Jesus. We find, that the Qu'ran acknowledges the miracles of Jesus..that he healed the sick, raised the dead, and even fed the multitudes (though the stories on the feeding the multitudes are a little different). He is acknowledged as the Messiah, though in Islam Messiah and Son of God do not mean the same thing...

Okay so all of this leads to my understanding my crisis of Faith. I had to explain it to the fella. It came out like this: "Just for metaphor's sake, let's say Heaven is Atlanta. You choose how to get to Atlanta based on where you start. If you live in Montgomery, you take I-85, if you live in Birmingham, you take I-20, and if you live in Chattanooga you take I-75. All three roads will get you to Atlanta in roughly the same amount of time. But let's say you find yourself in Clanton (About halfway between Montgomery and Birmingham). Which way is best? Go to Birmingham and take I-20 or go to Montgomery and Take I-85? Either way will get you to Atlanta as long as you stick to the highway and don't take any exits. The problem I'm having with my Church's response to my questions is that they try to tell me that I-20 doesn't go to Atlanta. But that's not true. I know in my heart that I-20 and I85 both go to Atlanta. I just ned to figure out which is the best route for me. Had I not read the Qu'ran, I-20 would have never entered my mind, I wouldn't know or understand it to any degree for that route to make sense. But the Qu'ran opened up my sort of faith-based Mapquest. And now I have to struggle with the decision of which road is best for me."

So that about sums it up. He seemed to understand it. Maybe you do too. I think it was a big step forward being able to verbalize the sense of directionlessness (if that's even a word) I'm feeling right now. Maybe someday I'll make some progress.

Baseball 4 Newbs

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 15:46:00 +0000

As you can see from previous posts, I took the Fella to a Montgomery Biscuits game Friday evening. We had it posh too. The Corporate Box is right over the dugout, has killer views, and the food rocks. Of course I had one of those "Maybe I shouldn't convert" moments.

For those that don't know, the fella is Muslim. He doesn't drink (Though it's not technically a nono, it's one of those "things better avoided") He doesn't eat pork (that would definitely be a nono)..are we seeing where a baseball stadium diet might get complicated?

As the Non Muslim half of us, especially in a particularly non-Muslim area, I kind of field test, investigate, and otherwise do what I can to protect the fella from undue porcine influences. In light of the corporation being owned by one of the city's most prominent Jewish people of influence; you would think the dinner at the stadium would have been Kosher (which is usually pretty acceptabel for people who eat Halal). That though was part of what convinced the fella to go. He knew there were usually hot dogs involved, and other pork products that make baseball dinner what it is.

We did have a great time. There was plenty of alternatives for the fella to gnosh upon...as well as my penchant for Baileys & Cheesecake, and a potato salad to die for. But yeah, I headed up the eating and gave the fella a heads up as to the contents of food if I knew what was in it.

Did the same Sunday Morning too. I had been having urges for Cracker Barrel. (Sometimes a girl just needs a southern-style breakfast) But breakfast in the South involves pork of some variety of pork 99.9% of the time. I was pretty much ready to relegate him to french toast when, to my surprise, I saw "turkey sausage" on the menu.

Wasn't bad at all. but the point being, as a Christian, and not having dietary restrictions, I sort of enjoy a field testing position for the fella when we go out. My understanding of food also helps me in determining mostly when there might be pork involved in something and when there may not be. If I were to convert, I would lose that status and be just as vulnerable to careless companies who use porcine products to make things that would normally have nothing to do with pork. That and I may not be able to have Bailey's cordials.

I always admired Jesus's satement that "It is not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; it is what comes out of it." Wise words, and things we should remember more often in our lives.

I'm going to take the next couple of posts and cut over some things from my facebook notes so that you can get a better idea of how mucky my faith is getting and why I would even consider conversion in the first place.

By the way. Biscuits lost that game, 11-4. Jacksonville Suns pwned.

Starbucks Knows All

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 17:20:00 +0000

This is for Kelley. Had to share the gift:

http://www.buttafly.com/starbucks/index.php

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 21:19:00 +0000

Living up to the great Traidtion of my late of Alabama Stepfather and making my appearance at a Biscuits game on Friday. These would be my Corporate Box tickets that involve air conditioning and free food. Seethe in Envy Mortals!

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 19:18:00 +0000

Okay, In a hurry today, working too hard. Posting something Kelley put me on to. Totally going CD shopping later! Give it a listen!

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 15:42:00 +0000

I can’t remember which Google Search brought up Girls of Riyadh for me, but as soon as I saw it..and that it had been banned in Saudi, well, you know me, I totally HAD TO HAVE IT.

That and it was guaranteed to get a rise out of the Fella. I like piquing his interest, and my tendency to read what he might consider controversial literature seems to interest him.

Girls of Riyadh is written as a series of e-mails to a Yahoo! Groups listing that sends out weekly emails telling the stories of four young Saudi Women and the ups and downs of life, and love. Mostly love, and mostly downs.

It’s a fascinating story. The cultural differences are amazing, and to an American like me, raised liberally, and accustomed to making my own decisions, and not being restricted from seeing and talking to who I want when I want, the story of boys posting signs in their car windows with their phone numbers astounds me still. Or the idea of being arrested for wearing red on Valentine's day. Or Versace Shimaughs (The red and white checkered head covering that Saudi men wear).

Rajja Alsanea is the author, and is certainly still young, but impressive in her translated version of her first novel. It’s been compared to Sex and the City of Saudi; but it’s nowhere near as graphic. And the tragedies are pretty tragic. It’s a quick read, and a smart one.

And it sparked enough interest that the Fella is borrowing it now. I’ll be very interested to see what he thinks of it.

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 17:17:00 +0000

Banned in Saudi. Bound to be interesting. Book review on Monday. Go buy it here: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1594201218/ref=nosim/completereview

Wow.. we change so much...

noreply@blogger.com (Keeley) — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 15:41:00 +0000

So I found this: http://keeleywoods.livejournal.com/ .

I started it when I was married and we bought our house.

I was so.....different.

It's hard to tell now if I liked who I was then. I don't like who I was now. I mean..if I met me then on the street now, I probably wouldn't like the 27 year old version of me very much. I was a little dull.

I was trying to be dull though. I'm just not that way. I like domestic things too, but not enough to give up my need to travel and see and do and be. Smallville? Holy crap I watched Smallville and found it confusing? Ick ick ick ick.