Again With the Comics

What's With the Ambush Bug Delay?

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 03:40:00 +0000

"This is DC backing Ambush Bug completely. Other times when we've done Ambush Bug, it was kind of like guerrilla warfare."

So what’s going on with Ambush Bug: Year None #6? Issue #5 came out months ago, but the sixth and final issue remains a no-show. The series was edited by Jann Jones, and in an apparent effort to duplicate earlier Ambush Bug series’ inclusion of Julius Schwartz, Keith Giffen depicted Jones as a character in the series, a sidekick of sorts to DC Editor-In-Chief Dan DiDio.

That whole aspect of the series fell flat, in my opinion, as Dan DiDio has hardly earned the beloved figurehead status of a Julius Schwartz. Jann Jones has since left DC Comics for personal reasons. Maybe she was written into issue #6 and needed to be removed, but if so surely that's an afternoon's work for Keith Giffen? It shouldn't be that big of a deal to get the book partially redrawn, but much of the creative team is in the dark. We've all heard the rumours. If there was some sort of…irregularity…in the editorial relationships that led one party to leave DC’s employ, surely holding up this book for over six months seems like a good way to keep drawing attention to the (hypothetical, of course) situation. Apparently, Jones had to lobby DiDio to get Ambush Bug: Year None on the schedule in the first place, so perhaps there’s a whiff of spite here, as well.

"16. When will we see the last issue of the Ambush Bug series?
DD: It is being completed as we speak – the last issue is on my desk. It’s one book that I can say quite honestly that hit the editor’s desk and got stuck there. We’re just making a couple of revisions to the story, and I felt the likenesses were a little too complimentary, so I had to make them a little worse."

Yeah, we keep hearing that same flip "explanation". To the extent that its become a running joke at Newsarama. Is he waiting for the pages to sprout wings and fly themselves to the printer? I just want my fucking Ambush Bug comic, really. I'm sure the bowdlerized version that does emerge is gonna be awesome. Who knew wacky comedy could be so dramatic, eh?

Not Aunt Petunia!

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 03:00:00 +0000

I wasn't very impressed with this Marquis of Death/Master of Doom character when he spent the last few issues merrily slaughtering a host of alternate Fantastic Fours. I yawned when he casually tossed Doctor Doom himself back to the dawn of time, feeding him to prehistoric sharks. I briefly slipped into a coma when he blew up Latveria with a snap of his finger. But now that he's effortlessly skeletonized The Thing's Aunt Petunia, I'm convinced he's a stone-cold badass. Feh. I've been underwhelmed with Millar and Hitch's FF anyway, and now they cap it off by killing poor harmless Aunt Petunia. Well, maybe there will be some sort of cheesy cosmic reset switch at the end and we can forget this ever happened. As usual, there's some reason that Millar and Hitch can't quite finish on time, so the final issue of their "revolutionary" run will be handled by others. In the case of the art, by Stuart Immomen, so that's a step up, at least. Still, they have one issue to wrap all this up and marry off the Thing, assuming they're still going through with that. Again, Feh.

Torpid Tales of Tomorrow

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 03:39:00 +0000

Greetings, organic ones, I am HUGO, and I've been programmed to be your robo-host for tonights trio of FUTURISTIC FAIL TALES. You may remember me from my appearance in "The Perfect Servant", and...What? N..Noo I'm not crying. Its just that I was running errands for Professor Tompkins earlier today, and there was this awful woman at the patent office, then the girl at Arby's got the Professor's order all wrong and it was just awful... ANYway...

SCIENCE! TIME! STUPIDITY! Three dangerous primal elements that mankind toys with at its peril! Witness a future where science is so advanced that time travel is common! So common in fact, that common, stupid children are allowed access to its wonders!! It's fucked-upper than a soup sandwich! It's a PLANETARY ERROR!!

Smooth move, Space-Lax. Of course, the School District bears some responsibility too, I suppose. To quote Seymour Skinner, "God bless the man who invented permission slips". Paular-Nine went on to fade from view, his existence having been negated by his own actions!

Next, They thought him mad, but Karl Crowder knew the secrets of the fleas, and therefore, the secrets of...the TINY WORLD:

Okay, I'm sorry, but that just does not compute. It's too bad that Flea circus owners exert such a stranglehold on the scientific community. OH WAIT, THEY DON'T. My goodness, this is a motley assortment of stories isn't it? I need more robo-hooch to keep this up, if Professor Tompkins BITCH SISTER din't hide it again!

DOOK DOOK DOOK... Much better!

Finally, we enter a DOORWAY TO THE FUTURE...and boredom!

Beware mysterious doors, reader, for they might lead to tedious paperwork...IN THE FUTURE!

Well, my diodes are cracked. I have to be going anyway, to get Professor Tompkin's dinner in the oven, that is if his BITCH SISTER doesn't try to have me deprogrammed again! Er, that is...BLAST OFF, space cadets!

CREDITS
"Planetary Error" published in Marvel Boy #2, 1951
"The Tiny World" published in Mysteries of Unexplored Worlds #2, 1957
"Doorway to the Future" published in Frankenstein Comics #33, 1954
Creators unknown in all cases.

Again With the Doom Patrol

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 23:28:00 +0000

I’m a total mark for the Doom Patrol, as well as being a Metal Men fan and a Keith Giffen fan, so the upcoming Doom Patrol comic, with its Metal Men co-feature, why its like they made a comic just for me. Scattered childhood Doom Patrol sightings via reprints sustained my interest in the squabbling band of freaks, and Grant Morrison’s work with Richard Case on the book in the early 1990’s is still counted among my all-time favorite comics runs. It got a bit too crazy for me after the book switched to Vertigo, and two subsequent series had their charms, but never quite caught on with a large enough audience to last for long. So DC is going back for yet another try with the original group, while maintaining that everything “happened", somehow:

But things don't look to good for the Byrne era holdovers, frankly. I don’t expect the new stories to be as weird as the old, but I hope that Giffen maintains the sick and wrong relationship between the Chief and his merry band of misfits, given the dysfunctional dynamic that was established previously. I also hope we eventually see some of the other, odder members show up. Dare I suggest a Crazy Jane cameo at least? And hey, if anybody else could write Mister Nobody...! I'm not familiar with Matthew Clark, but his art for this looks quite nice.

Co-featuring the Metal Men with art by Kevin Maguire is a stroke of genius, too, given the oddball nature of the two teams. Maguire can’t keep up with a monthly book, but a backup feature should be more his speed. I notice that they kinda quietly switched back to the softer, human faces for the robots. Good. Between the two, I'm all over this.

Red Hulk Revealed?

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 03:54:00 +0000

WARNING: Contains speculative SPOILERS about upcoming Incredible Hulk storylines!

My Red Hulk theory proved to be quite a popular feature for Again With the Comics, generating dozens of comments, alternate nutzo theories, and lots of traffic. Well, when I made my guess as to big Red's secret, I had no idea we'd still be wondering over a year later! Now it looks like we may be finally finding out who the Red Hulk is, in the upcoming Incredible Hulk #600:

THE STORY:
WHO IS THE RED HULK?! THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN IS GOING TO TRY AND FIND OUT! GREEN HULK! RED HULK! SPIDEY! SECRETS REVEALED! A STORY SO BIG IT CAN BARELY BE CONTAINED IN THE INCREDIBLE 600TH ISSUE OF HULK! ALL THIS AND A STARTLING SURPRISE ENDING TO TOP ALL THE OTHER SHOCKING SURPRISES THIS HULK BOOK IS KNOWN FOR! The chart-topping team of Jeph Loeb and Ed McGuinness bring you a 600th-issue celebration guest starring your friendly Neighborhood Web-Head as the original Incredible series returns!

Huh. Well, why not Spider-Man? No one else has been inclined to clear up the big mystery, so the web-head may as well pop up out of nowhere to do it. Problem is, If I'm right about the Red Hulk's identity being Glenn Talbot, Spidey probably won't even recognize the guy! Of course, at this point, the only real in in-story suspect is Clay Quartermain, kind of, as both General Ross and Doc Samson have appeared alongside "Rulk" in the story. But then Quartermain was never portrayed as having any particular grudge against the Hulk or Banner. Even when he was hunting the Hulk, it was often with Rick Jones at his side, and with the intent of helping Banner, not killing the Hulk. So even if it does end up being Clay, I'd cry foul on characterization. At any rate, Glenn Talbot hasn't been mentioned at all yet, so who knows if I'll end up being right? We'll see soon enough, I guess.

Again With the Comics Triple Action!

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 16:16:00 +0000

Today marks three long, long years since Again With the Comics made its dubious debut in the comics blogosphere! When I started all this, I had no idea how long I'd be able to sustain it, but here we are, three years old, and somewhat less completely irrelevant than we were before! The last year has seen AWtC exceed one million page views and pass half a million unique visits, which proves that lots of people will read anything if its free. I still enjoy babbling away here, so if you're all game, lets try for a year four.

I'm all about being "green", so how about some recycling? Here are a few highlights from the last year of Again With the Comics:

Hometown Triple-A Baseball Heroes Meet Murderous Marvel Comics Lunatics!
AWtC Rips the Lid off the Civil War/Secret Invasion Conspiracy!
Before his coming Red Circle debut, read An Open Letter from the Web to J. Michael Straczynski!
The Hulk Juggles Circus Animals While Posing as a Robot Clown!
Not long ago, one man had a dream... a dream of Corpses...Coast To Coast!
We've recently met J. Jonah Jameson Senior, but what about the guy who raised Jonah?
The Fire Apes Skulk Forward...And Death Is Abroad!
This wasn't a real official comic book blog until I made fun of Star Trek/X-men!
Speaking of X-Men, this post about the Best Alternate Future Wolverine Ever got interesting/disappointing in the comments, where we found that X-Men can make even the simplest one off gag insanely confusing, given enough time and pages!
I officially apologize for my Krypto obsession, but I can't swear it won't happen again!

Thanks for reading, folks! Check back for more comics and comic-related accessories!

The Incorrigible Hulk Lives!

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 15:22:00 +0000

Hey look! All my bitching and moaning about Peter Bagge's long-shelved Incorrigible Hulk story finally paid off! Well, either that, or Marvel decideed it was time to print this one and get it off the damn books already, and my pissant little blog had nothing to do with it. Either way, Marvel's Max imprint brings the long awaited tale to print in September, in Strange Tales #1-3. More from Marvel's PR:

Just what does Peter Bagge have planned in “The Incorrigible Hulk”, a story so incredible that we had to serialize it over all three issues? Will Spider-Man make it out alive of Jason’s thrilling story? This first issue comes wrapped in a marvel-ous cover by Paul Pope and Jose Villarubia!

“Flat out, this is the apex of human artistic achievement. This is it. The end. The crowning result of tens of millions of years of evolution, right here, in three packed-to-the-gills issues,” said Editor John Barber. “The philosophy of the book was to have these creators from ‘indy’ or ‘alternative’ or “literary” or ‘art’ comics come in and do what they do best. I think Marvel readers will really dig seeing radically different versions of their favorite characters, and the fans of these cartoonists will get to see the creators work in a milieu they never thought they’d get to see. It’s win-win. It’s really the best of both worlds.”

Editor Jody LeHeup added, “This book is a metric ton of solid gold awesome. The talent we’ve got lined up are without hyperbole some of the greatest creative minds working in comics today. I mean, who wouldn’t want to read a Spider-Man story by Jason? Or an Iron man story by Tony Millionaire? Or anything by any of the contributors we’ve got attached to the project? I’ve been reading independent comics my whole life and I’ve always wanted to see what those creators could do with Marvel characters if they were given free reign to tell their stories. Well, now that visions becoming a reality and I can’t tell you what an incredibly special thing it is to see the final result. If you’re a fan of comics of any school, do yourself a favor and pick this up.”
STRANGE TALES MAX #1 (of 3)

Written and Drawn by: PAUL POPE, PETER BAGGE, MOLLY CRABAPPLE &JOHN LEAVITT, JUNKO MIZUNO, DASH SHAW, JAMES KOCHALKA, JOHNNY RYAN, MICHAEL KUPPERMAN, NICK BERTOZZI, NICHOLAS GUREWICH, AND JASON

DC did a similar project a few years back, the fine Bizzaro Comics Volumes 1 and 2, (fine, though they suffered a bit from an odd editorial edict that no contributor could both write and draw their stories). The MAX project has no such restrictions, so I expect to enjoy the final product that much more. Aside from the Bagge Hulk story, I eagerly await "an Iron Man story by Tony Millionaire", for example.

The Sensual Aunt May!

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 11:30:00 +0000

FAIR WARNING: Possibly NSFW, Definitely Not Safe For SANITY.

Dear Peter:
I'm sending you this letter because I know what a sensitive boy you are and I don't want to frighten you in person. I know you're still shaken after finding me and J.Jonah Jameson Senior "getting it on" recently, but surely you knew that your Aunt May is a grown woman with needs and desires of her own, didn't you dear?

Why, I've always been a randy old girl, Peter. When I wasn't making you Wheat cakes, I was makin' bacon with your Uncle Ben, Lord rest his soul. After Ben passed, I thought nothing would fill the void so to speak, until I met dear, dear Willie Lumpkin. Oh, I don't think you knew about my first torrid affair with Dear Willie. It was about three weeks after we buried Ben, and I met him right after he applied for Fantastic Four membership.

Oh, that ear-wiggling devil sweet talked me right into his mail sack! And let me tell you, Peter dear, those ears aren't the only part that wiggles! ;-) You're a grown man now Peter, and you're old enough to know that Doctor Octopus, Nathan Lubensky, Willie Lumpkin (the third time) and that well-endowed but nonetheless horrible creature who was posing as that nice Mister Jarvis were just the tip the May Parker sexberg.

Yes, my dear Peter, that first torrid, sweaty affair with Willy was the first of many, many many, secret sexcapades you were never privy to! This might be a good time to take a break, drink a peptic bromide and settle your nerves, dear.

I hope you feel better Peter, and realize I am only telling you this out of love. As I was saying, in some ways, I dealt with Ben's death by taking many lovers into my boudoir, including the Vulture, the Tinkerer, the Ancient One, Captain Stacy, Anna Watson, the Real Jarvis, Baron Mordo, that nice Mister Robertson, Nick Fury AND Dum-Dum Dugan, Agatha Harkness, and oh, so many others!

Unfortunately, in my passion, I often forgot about my weak heart, hence all the heart attacks I've had over the years. Yes, my nephew, I'm sorry to tell that my poor health was mostly my own fault, what with all the wild boning and screwing. I certainly hope that was never too much of an inconvenience for you!

My physical health has improved over the years, but now my memory is getting unreliable. I keep trying to remember why I was living in Avengers Tower. Did I move in with Edwin? But why were you and Mary Jane also living there? Oh yes, I remember now! You were posing as Spider-Man! Why did you do that, Peter? That was so dangerous for all of us, it finally ended my sex life for good. Well except for Jarvis, of course. Then HE ended up being some sort of monster from space. After that, there's so much I cannot remember, but all I know is that I want to slow down and marry the best man I've known since Ben.

Peter Parker, I am going to marry J. Jonah Jameson Senior. I'm going to settle down with one wonderful man who loves the real me, and yet is still very flexible and up for some light bondage. There's just one last conquest I want to make, before I put my swinging days behind me forever. I've had my eye on one elusive young man for quite some time, and I think you might be able to introduce us, if it doesn't make you too uncomfortable. Peter, could you possibly introduce me to that hunky young Spider-Man? There's a stack of wheat cakes in it for you!

With Love - Aunt May

A Web of Woeful Spider-Man Foes

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 06:05:00 +0000

Speaking of Backwards Men, DROM, THE BACKWARDS MAN makes for a better sci-fi short story subject than a super-villain. For reasons unknown, Drom's infant self was swapped with his elderly body moments after birth, leading to a backwards-speaking, backwards-aging supervillain, who basically only had life-energy draining powers at his disposal and an arsenal consisting of special machinery to translate his gibberish and to process his food. He also has a magic mirror that does nothing save be utterly essential to Drom's survival, and extremely easy to smash, in that order. Which, given this is Marvel Team-Up, and not Antique Mirror Fancier it eventually, inevitably, is. The most forgettable villain in Spidey's history is literally forgotten after he devolves to infancy, then nothingness. Drom's first and only appearance was in Marvel Team-Up #13.

Who started out as a henchman for the Kingpin? Who does kingpin still consider his worst henchman ever, even worse than Turk? Who was given his powers by ubiquitous Marvel Universe Mad Scientist Dr.Harlan Stillwell? Who was genetically engineered to spontaneously generate whatever superpower he needed to deal with a given situation? Who squandered that awesome power being the lamest most generic villain ever? Who has a giant white phallic symbol pointing at his groin? Who has a girly wee tassle atop his pointy purple head? Who should NOT be allowed to dress himself ever, ever again?? Who is a response to a question no one asked?? THE ANSWER, that's who!

Speaking of which, answers were in short supply during the much-reviled FACADE "saga" in which much was made of the identity of the armored mystery man. Longtime Peter Parker rival Lance Bannon was killed by Facade, and an elaborate mystery was built around his identity, with suspects ranging from J. Jonah Jameson, to John Jameson, to some business guy nobodies introduced during the story's beginning. It doesn't matter, because Spider-Man fought Facade, the armor was destroyed, and a shadowy figure slipped away, vowing to return. The mystery of Facade was never solved and never addressed again, with the infamous Clone Saga taking over the Spider Man spotlight soon after. Who knows, maybe Facade was another Spider-Man clone, lowering the bar for the clone suckage to come.

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"Man Reversible The" Moore's Alan

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Tue, 26 May 2009 17:04:00 +0000

Here’s a great little "Time Twister" from Alan Moore, originally written for 2000 AD. Before Watchmen and the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Moore worked on short science fiction stories for the the long running U.K. weekly, even then playing with time and sequence in his storytelling. Of course, the idea of a person living his life backwards isn't completely Moore's - I'm sure I've read an old science fiction story somewhere with the same premise, at least - but Alan Moore always manages to make great comics from whatever he starts with, and "The Reversible Man" is no exception:

"The Reversible Man"
Script: Alan Moore
Art: Mike White
Story scanned from The Complete Alan Moore Future Shocks, Rebellion, the Studio, 2006

Some Less-Than-Spectacular Spider-Man Foes

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Thu, 21 May 2009 23:29:00 +0000

Hey, Pennsylvania readers! Did'ja know Spider-Man once made a visit to your friendly neighborhood? Too bad he only had time to visit a prison and the Appalachian backwoods. This was during a story that had Robbie Robertson imprisoned for covering up some past crimes of Tombstone, his lifelong tormentor. Since, as far as big-city comic book writers know, Pennsylvania is crawling with inbred hill-folk, it only stands to reason that Spider-man's one recorded visit to the state would lead him head first into the buck-toothed, in-bred-ed-est hillbilly clan possible. "BANJO" was actually a ten year old kid mutated by radiation from Three-Mile Island into a hulking disfigured brute, seen above. Don't you love that custom logo, like this guy was ever going to be used again?

DISCLAIMER: At no point in this story is Spider-Man ordered to "Git them panties off! Git 'em right on off now, y'hear?" a la Deliverance. More's the pity.

SKINHEAD was a (lower-case) skin head racist who ran afoul of Spidey and his one black friend, the Rocket Racer. Later, while escaping the authorities, he ran into the Empire State University lab and found some bad web-fluid Peter had been working on. He got drenched with the stuff while fighting Rocket Racer, and it turned him into a protoplasmic horror in short order. Yes, apparently bad web fluid can make mooks into monsters. It's entirely possible Jameson was right!

Daredevil #300, in which Daredevil finally, decisively, defeated the Kingpin was barely off the presses before Web of Spider-Man was trying to cram a half-assed NEW KINGPIN down our throat. Kingpin's son, Richard Fisk rapidly gained 300 pounds and shed his hair to take over his father's empire in the much reviled "Name of the Rose" storyline before quickly disappearing. Not to worry though: the Web of Spider-Man guys couldn't backpedal fast enough, and the new Kingpin's next appearance revealed him to be Richard's friend, who had undergone plastic surgery as part of some convoluted scheme. Then of course, the real Kingpin returned soon enough, and the whole thing was ignored. That's commitment to your story, guys!

P.S Pretty much every version of the Rose sucked, too. Especially the "Blood" one.

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DC's Hall of Silver Age Elseworlds First Pages

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Tue, 12 May 2009 04:11:00 +0000

Anyone remember the flap that accompanied DC's pulping of its Elseworlds 80-Page Giant before it was even published? Because of an allegedly too-violent story about Superman's babysitter? You know, the only story from that collection that actually saw print, albeit in the Bizarro Comics hardback a few years later?

Well, a few thousand copies did escape pulping, the controversy is officially ten years old now, and whatever objections DC may have had to its publication are long since irrelevant in a DCU where horrific, nihilistic violence is the norm. What better time, then, to trot out a great feature by Mark Waid and Ty Templeton that would have shown some never-were-but-should-have-been imaginary stories from a Silver Age that never was? I've seen the whole Elseworlds 80-Page Giant, folks, and this is probably the best thing from it, so enjoy!

We Predict You Will Be Pleased With Prophetic Pup!

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Wed, 06 May 2009 04:01:00 +0000

Greetings, curs and canines! PROPHETIC PUP here! I’m filling in as special guest blogger for this column retelling the story of my fantastic debut in Superboy #136: “Danger of the Doom Statues”! Your regular blogger somehow got a splitting migraine after reading this thrilling tale of how I, the amazing PROPHETIC PUP met and joined the Space Canine Patrol Agency, so he asked me to fill in for him!

I remember it like it was yesterday; the SCPA were having auditions, and they were busy reviewing new applicants. Of course, none of them were up to SCPA caliber:

Krypto was going to show up with a big surprise, or so he thought, anyway. But then it was MY turn to shine:

That’s right! I perfectly prognosticated Kryptos surprise present, as covered here before, at Again With the Comics! You should have seen the look on Krypto’s smug face when everyone knew exactly what he had in his package! Sometimes, when it’s cold in comic book limbo, and I can’t sleep, I pull up an image of his pissed off expression on my crystal ball cranium and gaze at it in the mirror, and I laugh and laugh.

As if that wasn’t amazing enough, I conjured up another vision of the future:

And maybe it wasn’t exactly an emergency, but I was technically correct:

Then, all I had to do was make a third prediction and I would be in the club! Easy, no? Well, NO, actually:

Hey, don’t look at me! The mists of time closed in too soon! NOT. MY. FAULT.

Sure, my powers pooped out at a crucial moment, BUT, I was able to ruin Krypto’s surprise and waste his time, so that’s got to count for something, right?

Anyway, I was able to determine that a HOUND would lead Superboy into a deadly trap, and a HOUND would rescue him, but that it wouldn’t happen until sometime within the next 24 hours. At that point, the SCPA were called to Tail Terrier’s home planet to deal with an invasion of giant fleas:

The giant fleas were all part of a Black Cat invasion led by a criminal kitty named Tricky Tom:

Eventually, the gang was captured, but not before (and unbeknownst to the SCPA) Krypto was captured in a Kryptonite trap, and Tricky Tom slipped away. Luckily, Superboy came looking for his pet. UN luckily, that brought him closer to fulfilling my prophecy!

Tricky Tom escaped, but soon he received a telepathic message from the PHANTY CATS, the pet cats of the Phantom Zone criminals, exiled with them all those lonely years ago. You may wonder why the Phanty Cats just happened to be floating around, watching all of this, and the answer is that the denizens of the Phantom Zone are ALWAYS floating around, watching everything. They are probably watching you on the toilet and in the shower, actually, since they haven’t much else to do.

The Phanty Cats trouble me on an existential level: I often wonder if they participated in their masters’ evil deeds, and were therefore also deserving of banishment, or if they became evil as a result of their unjust banishment…

LOOK!! A SQUIRREL!! WOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOF!!!! WOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOF!!!!

Er, pardon me. I am a dog, you know. Noticing a sixth statue where once there were only five, Superboy flew in closer to investigate, and found a new lead coated statue of Jor-El on the floating rock. That’s when Tricky Tom and the Phanty Cats sprung their trap:

Here is where I have to set the record straight. I’ve gone on the talk shows about this, and I’ve had to address this in my memoirs, and I maintain that my third prediction WAS accurate, and I DID earn my place in the Space Canine Patrol Agency. My critics have relentlessly charged that no “hound” led Superboy into danger, and that he in fact led HIMSELF into danger, flying too close to a group of statues that HE KNEW were made out of Kryptonite. I however contend that Superboy’s recklessness and stupidity were well documented by this point, and that Krypto’s need to be rescued was what caused Superboy to be in that sector of space in the first place. Sure, maybe I could have predicted: “A cat and three ghost cats and his own gullibility and to a much lesser extent a hound will lead Superboy into a deadly trap…and a hound will rescue him”, but that doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, now does it? Predicting the future is as much an art as a science, so I say I should be allowed to claim a certain amount of artistic licence in my work.

And something else is still tugging at my tail to this day: I still don’t know how Tricky Tom found a piece of Kryptonite large enough to sculpt into a statue of Jor-El, how he knew what Jor-El looked like, how he had the skill to sculpt a life-sized statue of him in such a short time, or with what tools he did it! Then there’s the logistics behind how he coated the resultant sculpture with lead, and how he got the finished, dried, and coated statue on the asteroid with the other statues in time for Superboy to fly by! I’m pretty sure the Phanty Cats must have commissioned some of the work in advance, but if so, I’ll never know how they paid for it all. After all that effort, I’m almost glad for them that Superboy didn’t just fly past without noticing!

Keep in mind, the SCPA knew nothing of this. As they lay slowly dying, Krypto had to explain the whole situation to Superboy the only way he could; by MORSE-CODE TAIL THUMPING:

So I wanted to go to Earth and tell Krypto that I was glad my prediction was wrong. For some reason, instead of cracking me on the head with a gavel and sending me packing, the entire SCPA piled into a spaceship and headed to Smallville to drop in on Krypto and Superboy. Once in Smallville, we decided to split up and tour the town.”Lets split up and take in different sights, then report back and swap experiences!” chirped Paw Pooch, as the Kryptonite radiation ate away at Krypto’s brain.

HONEST TO GOD, I HAD NO IDEA.

Krypto missed this asinine exchange, however, so he thought Hot Dog was “on the case” and rushing to the rescue:

Only to find rescue was the last thing on that stupid shit’s mind:

I’ve been on the team, and Hot Dog is exactly as much of a dimwit as he appears to be, believe me.

Surely Tusky Husky will help, then, right? Hells, no, Dawg. Hes just tryin’ to get a little “tail”.

Horny Husky is more like it.

Wait! Here comes Paw Pooch! He must be the “hound” of the prophecy!

By Canis Major, I’m no expert on Earth’s synchronized rowing sports, but I’m pretty sure that introducing an eighteen-legged, talking costumed superdog from space as a last minute ringer for your entire rowing team constitutes some sort of rules violation. On the plus side, this is the internet, so this is probably a fetish for someone out there. Enjoy, Earth sickos!

Who needs Space Canines, though, when you have improbable dumb luck on your side? Superboy and Krypto saw a ray of hope when, out of nowhere, a movie crew started setting up for a shoot nearby! Superboy tried calling them for help, but weakened by the Kryptonite, they couldn’t quite hear him. Luckily, a kid on a bike happens by:

And thus, I earned SCPA membership in the time honored psychic tradition: by impressing a bunch of credulous rubes with a sufficiently vague “prediction” that could be willfully interpreted as “accurate” after the fact. Needless to say, as a dog from space, I was totally familiar with the Earth term ”autograph hound”, meaning a human who collects the signatures of other, more famous humans! That is exactly what I meant when I said a HOUND would rescue Superboy. Yeah. Wanna make something of it?

Anyway, that’s the story of how I gained membership in the incomparable Space Canine Patrol Agency! Too bad Superboy #136 was their last appearance ever, and neither they nor I would ever be seen again. Who could have seen THAT coming?

PROPHETIC PUP has retired to Earth to pursue a career in parapsychology and the supernatural. His instructional videos and Pup’s Psychic Milkshake Powder can be purchased online at WWW.PROPHETICPUP.COM. He has appeared on John Edward’s Crossing Over (in the audience), has written and self-published several books on psychic phenomena and is a member of the Psychic Friends network. PROPHETIC PUP is a LICENSED PROFESSIONAL CALIFORNIA PSYCHIC, so you know you can trust his readings! Good day, and good Karma.

Wowser Will Outlast Us All

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 04:34:00 +0000

Pincus Popnecker's old college roomie Pud Bimbo shows up for a visit in Herbie #15, and sheds some light on why Herbie's father looks down on him so much. It seems that back in college, ol' "Schlemiehl" Popnecker was himself a "Fat Little Nothing!

Well, at least he left that show-off chihuahua behind forever, grew up to shed the pounds and become an accomplished(?) adult, right? RIGHT?

WOWSER YET LIVES, BY CRACKY!

Haw! Serves 'im right for being such a mean-ass hypocrite! Every time he's bitching at Herbie, he's actually bitching at his past self, man. This is actually about as close to a "deep revelation" as you ever get in Herbie comics, and quickly turns to wacky hijinx. as Pincus and Pud compete in a series of athletic events to prove who is manliest before the beauteous Mrs. Popnecker. Throughout, of course, Herbie cheats outrageously and wackily to help Pincus win.

Now that I'm forty, I need to start peppering my speech with "by Cracky", by Cracky! Might be time to cultivate a long white beard, too, come to think of it.

All art from "Call Me Schlemiehl!", written by Richard E. Hughes, Illustrated by Ogden Whitney, reprinted in the Herbie Archives, Vol. 3

Best Alternate Future Wolverine EVER.

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 03:56:00 +0000

There are plenty of Alternate Future Wolverines to choose from. You can have your classic "Days of Future Past" Wolverine, with his greying sideburns and eventual noble sacrifice, or maybe you prefer the "Old Man Logan" Wolverine, currently traveling a ruined future America in the Spider-Mobile with Hawkeye, but for my money, you can't beat Earth X Wolverine:

Fat, lazy, drunken Wolverine may be the best Wolverine of all. As seen in 1999's Earth X #5, Wolverine and Jean got together and eventually turned into The Lockhorns. According to the text piece following the story, Jean Grey and all of the other telepaths have lost their powers, so shes stuck rolling her eyes at the 181st retelling of the time the old gasbag fought the Hulk.

Earth X was a decent series that crawled up its own arse and birthed a whole franchise of sequels that I couldn't keep up with, Universe X, followed by Paradise X with a whole bunch of spinoffs as I recall. I'm not sure if I want to know what became of the battling X-Bickersons in the increasingly convoluted saga, but if you know, please share in the comments!

Legion of Superheroes: the Polar Boy Years

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 18:01:00 +0000

Pause for a moment to pity poor, poor Polar Boy. Brek Bannin left his home planet of Tharr with dreams of joining the Legion of Superheroes only to be rejected by the snotty future teens. After decades of toiling in the Legion of Substitute Heroes, he finally got called up to the big team in 1985's Legion of Superheroes #17. He soon ran for and won leadership of the team in issue #36, a meteoric rise for this former joke of a character.

Little did Polar Boy know he was to preside over the END of the Legion of Superheroes. Well, one of many ends, anyway. In this case, longtime Legion scribe Paul Levitz was leaving the book, and the Legion series was winding down, ending with the Magic Wars, and beginning a grim deterioration of the team that preceded Keith Giffen's notorious "Five Years Later" Legion reboot.

So Brekk ended up leading a depleted Legion into unavoidable catastrophe with no hope of success. At least Giffen was there to draw the hell out of it. He was experimenting with his style at the time, and I was really digging the sleek, Kevin Maguire-inspired work. I especially liked the crazy new matching uniforms that everyone else, including the characters, seemed to hate. Well, I thought they were kind of cool, anyway.

The in-story reason for the costumes was great, too. Everyone was mad at Polar Boy about the uniforms, but they had been designed and produced by the weird little Validus-Computo homunculus that Braniac 5 had left running the lab at the time. Even when they "win", some guys just can't win.

Not-really-related, but hilarious: And what, you ask, was Bouncing Boy doing during all of this? Running the Legion Academy and Rocking a Paul Blart-esque mustache, of course!

Lost in Translation

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 18:30:00 +0000

You know, I never could warm up to Laurel and Hardy, really. But geez, Germany, this seems a little harsh...

.

SCPA NSFW

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 11:30:00 +0000

Say what you will about MAMMOTH MISS, the bitch sure can give a blow job.

...See, because she's a female dog superhero with super-blowing powers, which she is applying to the perfectly innocent job of inflating party balloons, so technically, I'm not being a horrible, disgusting filth-pig. Much.

Yes, I'm blathering about Krypto and the Space Canine Patrol Agency again. Meet Mammoth Miss, the identically-powered girlfriend of brave, deceased Mammoth Mutt. Just the fact that a morbidly obese female dog superhero with super-blowing powers named Mammoth Miss exists at all is enough to warm my cynical, brittle old heart. Her gassy debut is just part of "Danger of the Doom Statues", the last, but far from least of the weird and wacky SCPA stories stories, previously featured HERE and HERE. More soon, amigos!

Short Hiatus

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 17:53:00 +0000

And lo, it did pass that the Allblogger's day job didst task him mightily, and yea, his labours didst take him to most unseemly climes where e'en Frost Giants dost fear to venture, let alone broadband signals. Thus it came to be that Again With the Comics shall fall into Odinsleep until April 13th, at the earliest. Weep not, for verily, yon archives are fat-packed with amusement for thee, and yon blogroll doth contain a veritable pantheon of worthy bards. Hie thee thence, whilst thou await the triumphant return of Again With the Comics!

Funny Frankenstein Versus Scary Frankenstein!

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 03:40:00 +0000

I've -ahem- briefly discussed Dick Briefer's Frankenstein before, mentioning that it was an excellent if uneven series that suffered from a lack of thematic consistency, veering wildly between two very divergent tones of humor and horror. I've recently had a chance to explore it further, thanks to Golden Age Comic Downloads. I thought it might be interesting to compare a scary Frankenstein story with a funny Frankenstein story and see which holds up better. Here then, are two stories, both by mister Briefer, from the first and thirty-second issues of Frankenstein respectively.

First, from Frankenstein #1, "Frankenstein and the Mananimals" a look at the light, wacky side of Frankenstein:

A few years later, Frankie is singin' a different tune, and the feature has taken a grimmer tone as Briefer took Frankenstein back to his horror roots in a series of gruesome terror yarns. "The Beautiful Dead" was originally published in Frankenstein #32:

Gruesome, isn't it? Interesting how the same creator came up with two so very different spins on the same character, eh? And as far as I can tell, these take place in the same "continuity", with the monster simply being in different moods at different points in his life. I think I prefer merry, whimsical Frankenstein, but what do you think, readers? Discuss in the comments!

The Red Ghost and His Marvel Apes

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 04:15:00 +0000

Man, I haven't seen the Red Ghost and His Super Apes in forever, and here they show up in Marvel Apes: Speedball #1, of all places. In hindsight, its only obvious. Actually, I've been enjoying the various Marvel Apes comics as much as anything from the house of depressing ideas these days. The original Marvel Apes series had washed-up Spider-Man villain the Gibbon visit an alternate Marvel Earth populated by Ape versions of the human Marvel Super-Heroes, with a surprising, primal difference, and it turned out to be a lot of fun. I'm a bit of an alternate history buff, and I appreciated Karl Kesel's thoughtful world-building, even in a tongue-in-cheek apeworld. Marvel Apes: Speedball finds the chimpanzee version of Speedball stranded on our Earth, cast out by the apes of his Earth, when he runs afoul of the Red Ghost and his Super Apes. Later, the Red Ghost phases himself and Speedball, and they shift dimensionally to get a glimpse into the Marvel Apes world. Now, as if Magnetic Miklho, the super strong gorilla, Igor, the shape-shifting baboon. and magnetic orangutan Peotor weren't enough, Ivan Kragoff has his eyes on a whole world of super apes!

Back to Speedball; I once predicted Marvel would bring in an alternate world speedball, but who would have thought it would be from the even better everyone's-an-ape alternate world? Yes, Speedball is back, in chimpanzee form.

Watchmen: Not Enough Sugar Cubes.

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 06:40:00 +0000

So I saw that Watchmen movie. It was okay. Overall I was impressed with how close it was to the source material, albeit to the shallowest possible reading of that material. The whole thing held together well, and aside from a few nitpicks, and I think it would make sense to someone who was unfamiliar with the story. The problem is, I can't really say I'd recommend it to anyone who hasn't read the book. I think anyone's first exposure to Watchmen ought to be the book.

Movie good. Book much better.

They probably should have just put a speedo on ol' Doc Manhattan. Ive heard that the movie isn't doing so well because a squeamish America can't deal with that blue wanger all up in their grill for 2.5 hours. Show Americans gore, show them tits, show them torture and death, but for God's sake, Zack Snyder, what were you thinking showing them two and a half hours of blue IMAX pecker?

I disliked the alley fight scene, because it badly undercut the idea that Laurie and Dan's hands were cleaner than Rorschach's. As they whirled through the group of knottops, casually stabbing one guy in the neck here, shattering another muggers arm to gory splinters there, using a third as a human shield, Nite-Owl and Silk Spectre were just as frightening and seemingly as merciless. I know the two didn't have a "code against killing" as such, but their ruthlessness was part of the amped-up aspect of this film that jarred against the subtler tone of the original story.

For that matter, why did all the Watchmen seem to have super powers? A major point of the original story was that only Doctor Manhattan had superhuman powers with the rest of the cast falling firmly into the "costumed adventurer" camp of superheroes. At different points in the film, the Comedian, Silk Spectre and Nite-Owl all perform in action scenes well beyond human norms, despite part of the point of the story being that they are all retired, old and schlubby. They all took punishment that seemed to devastate other, normal human bodies within the same story, they all moved with superhuman speed and skill, striking enemies with bone shattering force after years of retirement. As an action film, I 'm sure Watchmen felt obligated to deliver high octane fight scenes, and I understand action movies and action movie rules, but they kinda clash directly with one of the major themes of the story.

This scene is much funnier when they just think Rorschach is going to the bathroom.

The once-shocking violence of the graphic novel is updated with the genteel touch of the man who brought you the breezy comic opera "300". It obviously had its effect on the Saw crowd , as I heard a few ecstatic sighs and whispered "sweet!"s as Rorschach's meat cleaver came down on the child murderer's head. Again, this was extreme Watchmen, and the volume was cranked to eleven.

I could happily go the rest of my life without another "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" death scene.

I don't see how the new ending was any big improvement over the original (also flawed) ending. It sure seems like if Doctor Manhattan did go rogue, the U.S. would get and perhaps deserve most of the blame, not be embraced by the brotherhood of man. But then I find any ending that finds mankind uniting under a banner of unity and brotherhood to be a pretty unlikely prospect ever, regardless the circumstances. Certainly not for more than a week, tops.

Mixed feelings aside, but there was bound to be a big Hollywood adaptation of Watchmen sooner or later. If there had to be a sped-up, superficially-read Hollywood version of Watchmen, thank Kirby it was this one.

Always remember, it could have been much, much worse.

.

Whoa! Is THAT the Time?

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 04:19:00 +0000

Can we speed this thing up, Father? I've got some serious boning to do!

Madame Fatal: The Golden Age Transvestite Superhero!

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 03:02:00 +0000

MADAM FATAL: Such a dear sweet little old granny lady. Surely her inclusion in the action packed pages of 1940’s Crack Comics #1 was some sort of mistake? After all, such a harmless looking old girl couldn’t be expected to do anything much more thrilling than crochet a sweater for a tow-headed, apple-cheeked grandchild or tackle any challenge tougher than the Sunday crossword puzzle right? Wrong!

That old lady was more than “she’ appeared to be. Madame Fatal was a MAN, man! Comics’ first cross-dressing superhero made his dubious debut disguised as that thing least likely to strike fear into the hearts of evildoers: an elderly matron with a Shakespeare-quoting pet parrot! In times of trouble, retired actor/female impersonator Richard Stanton would spring into action using his wits, physical strength, athletic skills, and a full complement of women's un undergarments to foil crime as the tranny tornado, MADAM FATAL:

His/Her origin story begins as a white-haired old woman comes to the aid of a neighbor who is being shaken down by a thug from the John Carver gang. Showing surprising strength, Madam Fatal sends the goons running, then returns home, reporting delightedly to her pet parrot that she's finally caught up with John Carver. The next day, she arranges a false traffic accident with Carver, when she confronts him with HIS true identity:

But then he never finds the daughter, and he decides to keep up the old lady disguise, even after he tips his hand to the crook that kidnapped her. He says something about his wife dying of heartbreak after the daughter was kidnapped, but embarrassment could have played a part, too.

Whatever the case, Richard Stanton seems to have one and only one solution to most problems:

As crime fighting methods go, dressing up like gradma is at the bottom of a very deep barrel, but Madam Fatal actually lasted for 22 whole issues of 64-page Crack Comics. It was not to last; astoundingly, kids didn’t line up to read about a crimebuster who looked like the old lady down the road with all the cats. Madame Fatal was purchased by DC comics in a bulk buy of all of Quality’s characters, but Grant Morrison hasn’t gotten around to introducing a modern version of this bizarre character yet. Madame Fatal did make a cameo in The Golden Age Elseworlds series, being courted by the Gambler and the Fiddler.

Warner Announces Young Watchmen: The Animated Adventures*

noreply@blogger.com (Brian Hughes) — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 16:45:00 +0000

The world is a very different place in the year 2085, but teen-agers still have to grow up, and the bad guys still need to be taken down!

Warner Bros. Digital Distribution and Warner Premiere announced today a way for young viewers to connect with one of the most acclaimed graphic novels of all time. “Young Watchmen: The Animated Adventures” draws inspiration from the source material to bring a visually engaging experience to life through the timeless medium of children’s animation!

Young Watchmen returns viewers to the world of the critically acclaimed DC Comics and Hugo award-winning graphic novel by Alan Moore and illustrated by Dave Gibbons…100 years later! When not attending classes at Veidt High, OWLBOY, KID RORSCHACH, SPECTRA, JOHNNY COMEDY, and MANHA-TEEN have banded together to protect the world that their ancestors saved! With the help of OZZY, the World’s Smartest Lynx, they learn to work together, cruise the cyber-malls, and hang out at the nearest Gunga Diner…that is, when they’re not battling Alien Invaders, Supervillains, or the evil hordes of M.O.L.O.C.H.! These young descendants of the original Watchmen have vowed to carry on their legacy and protect the world at all costs. Who watches The Young Watchmen? YOU WILL!

*Not really. I totally made this up. But just give them time….

This is a repost. Originally posted July 24, 2008