Ankit Agarwal

On Self-Induced Misery and Not Calling A Spade A Spade

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 14:03:42 -0800

Have you been all happy and joyous and then overthink stuff only to make yourself all sad and miserable. Well, I have and i tend to do it very often! I think it is an extension of what i have written in the past here and here and i hate the effect that i havent been making progress on accepting and loving who i am. To always compare and sabotage the real me is not something i want to continue doing. The strange part being that i dont draw comparisons across multiple parameters but only the ones i know i am going to fall short of. If not anything this whole self-induced misery messes up the fun Ankit. The whole idea of being good at everything and seeking validation for the same is not letting me come out of the shell and pushing me back.

I have always prided myself on being the straight forward no-nonsense guy. Most of the times, what is in my heart is what is on my mouth. But i have this habit of not calling a spade a spade when i know it might change the other person's opinion about me or worse hurt the other person. I think this goes back to me trying to be good and being cherised by others. To be able to say the harshest truth and to be point black true is what i need to aspire to become. If i rub some people off the wrong way in the process, then let it be. Atleast i wont keep feeling uneasy and weird about it myself.

I know the post does not make a lot of sense but as usual had to get it out of my system. Till next time......

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On 'Trying To Be Too Many Things', 'Comparisons' And 'Priding Myself On My Strengths'

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 13:54:43 -0800

Last few days have been really weird to say the least. Tons of work, tons of frustration,personal turmoil and then tons of fun. I don't know what's the net-net but the fact that i am writing this now is because i can't sleep :-(

All i know is that there are too many things running in my head right now and i need to vent. On a personal level, i think i am making progress on opening up to new people and trying to break apart the shell i lived in for sometime. While i dont necessarily mind the progress, the transition has juxtaposed into another complexity. While i want to be as open as possible to exploring new things i think i am over burdening myself by trying to be too many things. More than that, what is bugging me is the fact that i am not good at many of this things and i am getting worked up on this sorry discovery. It is no rocket science that i cannot be good at too many things and its ok to SUCK at lots of things. Tell that to my chaotic brain which just starts comparing. When i start comparing, i come short at various places and for some reason i dont necessary like that. So, #notetoself is to not try to be too many things or rather not try to freaking compare how i fare at all things i do. As long as I am going out of the comfort zone and being open to trying, that should be enough.

An extension of the same is undermining myself. When i fall short in comparison with someone doing something better, i tend to go through those super depressed and low self-confidence mode. What i need to realize is that i have strengths and capabilities that i am extremely good at. I need to freaking take pride in things i am good at and get that self-confidence meter up. I don't have to feel sorry for what i am not but rather feel great about what i am.

On a related note, time to up the seriousness quotient on academics. Been slacking too much.

Till next time.......

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Milk Is The Topline and Butter Is The Bottom Line

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 00:47:00 -0800

A business or job - or even a talented person - can be seen as a cow that generates milk. Krishna plays the flute to draw out the cow. He is Go-pala, the keeper of the cow. His abode is Go-loka, the realm of the cow, where milk flows forever. Thus a leader has to be able to manage a business like the caretaker of a cow, ensuring it gets enough grass to make milk.

via articles.economictimes.indiatimes.com

Just the article one needs to go WOW on a lazy Saturday afternoon. I have been a fan of Devdutt Pattanaik's short articles in CD-ET and the one today is just mindblowing. PS: He really has a cool job title as well

The whole idea of comparing a business to a cow sounds insane but the way it is brought out is every bit believable. The article goes on to suggest that while it is easy to get milk (revenues) from the cow (business), it is the butter(net income) that requires a lot of churning and hardwork.

In the little professional experience as well, i have noticed the maddening focus on increasing the topline while the bottomline is seldom stressed upon. Well, bottomline comes into picture mostly during the annual budget meet where the top brass try to look beyond the topline and poke to find out how much butter was churned.

I like how the article ends relating the milk-butter analogy with Partha and how his strive for butter comes at a sacrifice. At some level, i was comfortable in my job even though the amount of milk wasn't enough :P . My MBA journey has already made me start churning and even though this is the beginning i am sure there will be sacrifices to make going forward. Here's hoping that no matter how much i churn, i get to make lots of butter :D

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On 'Value Of Free Time', Reading, Mind Reading And The Unsaid!!!

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:25:53 -0800

Last two days have been crazy to say the least. 48 hours- one group (6 people) assignment, another group (2 people) assignment .I have never shared a good rappo with accounting and even though the course has made me appreciate the subject a little more, i still don't think me and accounting have a future together.
Anyway, i am writing this after sleeping like a baby for 5 hours, devouring some amazing aquatic animals (king fish, pomphret et all). Long story short, these two experiences made me think up about the 'Time value of free time'. I blame the accounting text book for the nomenclature but i found the interpretation profound. Here's what i realized! After going through a gruesome ordeal getting the assignments done, there was this small window from post-noon to now where there was literally time to relax because from tomorrow,more assignments beckon. It was about realizing the value of this precious time in hand. I had initially planned on just crashing on the bed as soon as i am back from the class and wake up tomorrow morning in all probability. But then, the average joe (me) thought about the lack of fun. So, i spent the afternoon sitting with friends having lots of fun, sleeping for 5 odd hours and making sure i tag along with a bunch of friends going to this amazing Goa Bhavan (hattip Aditi)to have amazing rawa fish fry. I might rue the lack of sleep tomorrow but hey, there is a premium on free time right now. I could have slept it all off but i ended up making the most of it while also managing to sleep. Well, i don't think i have managed to pen my interpretation the way i wanted to but this will have to do.

I am back to reading again!!! Ever since i joined the MBA program i have been cursing myself to take sometime out for reading. Reading for the course work, newspaper and a few magazine articles is what my reading has been reduced to. So, tonight i started with 'Unselling- Sell Less..To Win More'. Not the best genre to choose since there is going to be lot of gyaan in there instead of a more relaxed genre like say romance, fiction etc. but i am happy i just initiated it. Now to continue managing time to atleast read for a good 45-60 mins everyday.

There have also been some 'i should write about this but i wont' experiences that if written might rub people off. I know i am not the 'know-it-all' dude here but what perplexes me is how some people just keep taking things for granted and don't think for a moment the implications of the words they utter.Then there are some who just need to keep uttering (more like ask *wink*)like their life depended on it. Let me strike that here lest i open the pandora's box.

I have always enjoyed knowing myself through others; something that in corporate speak translates to Appraisal. I received a few of them on my professional (group work) activities and it was interesting to see a co-relation between what others thought and what i have chronicled here with #notetoself. On a related note, i would love the power to read people's minds and find out what they think about me. I would love to know myself through atelast a few of my colleagues here.

Update: Reread the whole thing before hitting publishing (i seldom do that) and i don't really like how i have done the 'putting thoughts to paper' exercise. But i am kinda liking this 'impulse' writing approach where i just write whatever fancies my mind with no structure or agenda.

Till next time.....

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On 'There Is No Right Answer', Relative Happiness & Getting A Life

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 10:28:43 -0800

I had planned to be regular with posting my experiences here but then consistency is not my forte. So, as long as i have decided to sit my arse down and write i might as well bundle a few thoughts together.

To start with, i recently finished my first course of the MBA program and to say that it blew me away would be an understatement. To be frank, the course material in itself was not something out of the world or anything but it was the teaching style and the professor which made me go WOW!! All our lives, education has centered around sitting in a classroom, listening to the teacher and learn the right answer(s). Well, my first course just managed to kick 'cliched' education out of the park. The professor made it a point that we (me and my batchmates) are not here to learn the 'right answer(S)', we are here to ask the right questions. More than that, the whole concept of 'There is ONE right answer' may not apply. I have already written reflection papers on the course so i dont intend to repeat my reflections on the course. What i would say is that the course made me THINK again!! Weren't you thinking all this while, you ask?? Well, i was surprised too but guess what; for the most part the thinking was done to find/reach the right answer (which most of the times exists somewhere). The course made me discover the inner self all over again and question the existing knowledge and ideology that i had ammased over the last few years.

Happiness is a weird word especially when it comes to me!! I enjoy being happy and often times i do have this happy go lucky written on my forehead that is good. However, i have this really bad notion of relative happiness. One moment i am happy and rejoicing on the success/achievement and another moment i start comparing the same with others and there i flush my happiness down the drain. I really want to be happy with myself and for others but some shitty neuron in my brain tells me to undermine my happiness if there is another one happy for the same reason as me. #notetoself Rejoice and bask in your happy moments and appreciate the happy moments of others.

Getting A Life!! I have been wrestling with this for quite sometime now. From an out an out extrovert to a 'gone in a shell' introvert; i have not regretted the transtition but bygod i have been fighting it for sometime now. From immersing myself in books, blogging and twitter i kind of lost touch with the real life or as they say ' I forgot to get a life'. Not to say that it was enforced on me, but it just happened and i did not do anything to stop the darn thing. I don't regret reading books or living a digital life but i do regret not giving enough time to family and friends; especially friends. Lots of close friends i distanced myself from for no reason at all and lots of new friends i did not make because i could care less. Coming back to college, i told myself to break the mould and try to GET A LIFE!! I am not quite there as yet but yes i am getting there. Actually spending time talking to friends face to face, indulging in sports (well, i don't do much but hey participation counts right) i am revisiting a routine i had forgotten. Here's to making more conscious efforts to become more affable and create the comfortable space around me that invites people to bond and talk....

I have tons to write about but this will have to do for now#

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Day 1: SCREWED :D

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 01:10:44 -0800

The title pretty much sums up my first day at the MBA program. Well, a lot of other things as well but yes, SCREWED is what i had written all over me by the time the class ended and for good reasons. But i will get to that later.

There was this 'anxiety' vibe in the class with everyone looking forward to what the program has in store. The 'Introduce' yourself series was pretty much an usual affair with 'NGO work' and 'Dviersity' being the most used keywords :-) Personally for me, i had this thought run through my mind that the industry/professional diversity is not what i wanted it to be. Over the course of the next few days the perception has changed to a certain extent and i am sure there is going to be enough diversity especially when it comes to diversity of thought process. #notetoself Learn to not judge too early

The course started with a rather interesting subject and something that pretty much will be the part and parcel of what will be expected from all of us- both professionally and personal. I loved the completely conversational/particpatory approach followed by the professor because my past experiences in 'studying' (if i may call that) leadership has been rather one-way. Come to think of it, i find the whole concept around teaching leadership ironical but i guess the concepts could aid in developing the whole thinking process. Time will tell i guess. Too many thoughts were bounced around in class with some being really insightful and some boring me to death. On a personal note, i wasn't really happy with my capability to articulate my thoughts either. #notetoself Learn to listen well and get better at being concise

S.C.R.E.W.D

I kind of came with an expectation that an MBA course like this leaves literally notime for doing anything except course work. Boy, did it turn out true!! Very first, there was a huge list of course work to be done including individual as well as group project. Yes, individual project ok but hell, a group project on the very first day of the course. For someone who takes time to open up with people, i kind of felt weird from the mere thought of working with 8 other totally unknown folks on a project that sounded weird in itself. Add to that, the introduction session which introduced tons of online tools that need to accessed and used actively inorder to just getby through the course. My plan for dedicating sometime to blog everyday scattered like nine pins. This is the reason i got around writing this almost a week later but given the fact that i am going to use this blog for lots of introspection, i have tried to capture the essence of my first day as it was and not how it has changed within a week.

Hoping that i will be able to manage time efficiently and find time to capture my thoughts from the course as it goes forward and doing so, re-discover myself and have fun while doing it.

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Where It All Starts!!

Sun, 08 Jan 2012 09:36:27 -0800

They say that a new year gives way to new beginnings and indeed some beginning it has been for me - becoming a student again. After 4 years of immensely gratifying professional experience with a fair share of ups and downs, the mere thought of becoming a student was both exciting and nerve racking. New place, New people, a new routine for the next 16 months and in all probability a new direction to life altogether.

All said and done, i announced to the world (or the 600 odd FB friends) that the eagle has landed :-)

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